Leave A Light On Podcast
Welcome to "Leave A Light On Podcast," the podcast that brings you inspiring stories of ordinary people overcoming extraordinary challenges in their lives. Join us as we delve into the lives of individuals from all walks of life, exploring the adversities they face and the resilience they demonstrate in overcoming them.
In each episode, we'll introduce you to a new guest—a parent, a teacher, a healthcare worker, a student, a veteran, or perhaps your neighbor next door. Through heartfelt interviews and candid conversations, we'll uncover the personal battles they've fought, whether it's overcoming illness, navigating through loss, breaking free from addiction, or facing societal barriers.
From tales of triumph over adversity to stories of perseverance in the face of hardship, "Leave a Light On Podcast" celebrates the human spirit and the strength found within each of us. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and most importantly, you'll be inspired by the resilience and determination of these everyday people who refuse to be defined by their struggles.
So, tune in and join us on this journey of hope, empowerment, and the celebration of the human spirit. Because in the end, it's the stories of everyday people that remind us all that we are capable of overcoming anything life throws our way.
Leave A Light On Podcast
S2 Ep8 - Your Past Doesn't Define Your Future: How One Man Built His Mental Armour
What if your darkest moments could become the foundation for helping others? Meet Todd Ennis, a man whose journey from childhood trauma to mental health champion will leave you speechless.
Todd doesn't hold back as he shares the brutal reality of surviving sexual abuse at six years old and how this early trauma shaped his path. With remarkable candour, he reveals how his life diverged from his brother's successful NRL career as he sought validation through violence, intimidation, and eventually addiction. The contrast between their choices—one embracing daily discipline while the other cut corners—offers profound insights into how similar backgrounds can lead to drastically different outcomes.
The turning point comes in a moment straight from a film—Todd standing at traffic lights after being called by police, facing the literal and metaphorical choice between running or facing consequences. His description of feeling relief rather than just fear challenges conventional thinking about rock bottom moments. From rebuilding himself "like a skeleton in the ocean" to developing his eight-component mental armor program, Todd's transformation demonstrates that your past doesn't determine your future.
Most powerful is Todd's philosophy on recovery—it's not about being cured but about building daily non-negotiables that shield you from depression's grip. "The day you say you're healed is the day you open yourself to relapse," he warns, emphasizing that mental health requires ongoing commitment. His 90-day program focuses on breaking destructive habits through consistent action rather than quick-fix solutions.
Ready to join Todd's mental health army? Follow @loveyamind_ on Instagram to connect with his movement and discover how daily choices can transform not just your life, but create ripple effects that help others find their way back to shore.
Check out our socials on Instagram and Facebook at LeaveALightOnPodcast, and connect with us there.
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Hello and welcome to Leave a Light On Podcast, a show that looks to tackle the everyday struggles in our everyday lives. It's time to shed some light on it. Leave a light on podcasts not a licensed mental health service. It shouldn't be substituted for professional advice or treatment. Things discussed in this podcast are general in nature and may be of a sensitive nature. If you're struggling, please seek professional help or contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.
Speaker 3:Here's your hosts Yo, hello, good day, good evening wherever you listen in the world, hello, hello, welcome to Leave a Light on Podcast. I am one of the hosts, shane, and with me today again is Just come back for another visit. Yeah, come back for another visit.
Speaker 4:Are those thousand?
Speaker 3:people still out there looking again. Mick, or otherwise known as Boydie, hello.
Speaker 1:Hello Shane Good to be, here with you.
Speaker 3:Thank you for joining me. I appreciate you and I'll give you a celebratory clap to say thank you very much.
Speaker 3:I'll wait for these guys to stop, obviously, before we get into it, because I must say that I'm actually going to start today with a bit of sad news, if I'm honest. So it's with a heavy heart that I have to say it sounds like I'm a bit chewy, honestly. Yes, it's not that, but one of the founders obviously we all know old Chevy Corkwell, who hosted the podcast with me. The last two episodes he wasn't able to be with us and Chev has actually decided for personal reasons, that he is going to take a step back from doing podcasting. We all know he's been very vocal about the journey he's walked and the struggles he's had, and he has had a discussion with me and we have said, and he has decided, that he needs to step away. Those are personal reasons that he has stated and I don't want to get too much into them for him.
Speaker 3:What I do want to say is, shev, we back you. We only want the best for you and we want just as our podcast and everything we stood for and you stood behind was we want you to be the best version of yourself that you can be. We obviously will be there to support however we can, but as for being behind the microphone and for being a part of the journey. For the foreseeable future, shiv will no longer be the cornerstone. We will always acknowledge the incredible work and the incredible input that he has done in getting Level Out on to where it is today.
Speaker 3:And we thank him, like I said, and we stand behind him and we hope that he gets whatever he needs in order to make sure he finds the peace that he needs and happy, and that's what we advocate. So, shev, we love you.
Speaker 4:We really we will miss you on this podcast and always, shev will be a founding member or founding co-founder of.
Speaker 3:Live A Lot On Podcast. You will always be. So we thank you, shev, we acknowledge the incredible input that you have had into this and we say we wish you all the best and hopefully, yeah.
Speaker 4:Maybe one day you'll be back.
Speaker 3:One day you'll be back. So that's some sad news to start off with. But now let's get into today's episode, because I'm really excited. Wow, wow.
Speaker 4:Really, all I can say is, wow, where did we get this guy from? And I know where we got this guy from, and it's taken a little bit of work to get him here because he's a busy man. But you might have seen him on Instagram because he comes up in a number of reels and a number of different Instagram handles.
Speaker 3:So yeah, yeah, obviously, we know the stats when it comes to mental health. In Australia and worldwide, over 43% of men and women experience some kind of mental disorder, and that's between the ages of 18 and 68 was the age bracket that they've said.
Speaker 4:One in three women will have experienced a mental health crisis in their lifetime and one in five men, and the stat for 2023 will be it'll be in trillions of dollars.
Speaker 3:By 2030, the mental health kind of organizational span or category would have an estimated cost of $16 trillion. That is how incredibly big and incredibly important this particular industry is, and today's guest does some incredible stuff in this industry. His story is remarkable, it's breathtaking, it's just I have no words for it no, where he's been to where he is today is just chalk and cheese.
Speaker 4:And really, even when we were listening, when we were recording it, I'm like, oh my God, this is intense.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, he is an incredible advocate for being able to turn your life around.
Speaker 4:And not make excuses for why this has happened to me. Yes, if you've got an issue, you need to address it and you need to move forward and you need to take an action.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And I think he's the cornerstone of taking an action and fixing it up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so today's guest is the one and only Todd Ennis, and if you want to check him out, go into his socials. It's Love your Mind, it's L-O-V-E, and then yeah, which is a Y-A, and then it's mind.
Speaker 4:So love your mind. It is another local newie boy, which is really cool.
Speaker 3:Local newie boy doing some crazy things. He's got his socials. He's busy working on an app which he'll speak about during the episode. He speaks about, obviously, his pillars that he's developed in order to what he refers to as his armor against mental struggles. It's not a cure. He says, it's just armor in order to help defend against, obviously, the struggles that we come against. So he will talk about this in the podcast as well.
Speaker 4:And I think it's also his small amount of he wants to create an army of people to help or push people in the right direction, to help with their mental health and be able to identify, and then this is what we're going to do to fix it, or these are one of the things we recommend to be able to fix it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then he talks about a 90-day challenge, which he has, which is 90 days to break a habit, and so why am I doing all the talking? Without further ado, I'm going to introduce the one and only. He is an incredible guy. I hope that everyone listens to the message that he has at the end of the day, and if I can say one thing, it is that sometimes what we see on the outside is not always what goes on the inside, and I think that is something that every single person that struggles in this area will know is true.
Speaker 1:So, without further ado, I give you the one you are, that we do the things. You can't Just wait, can't you see? You're being weak. It's shallow and dark. You know, every time you speak You're just lying through your teeth Sometimes. Todd Ennis, thank you very much for joining us today on Leave a Line on Podcast.
Speaker 3:So good to have you Sometimes. Sometimes, for the journey you've walked so far, I can only say it is inspiring in every way. So thank you for joining us and welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 4:Mate, thanks for having me. It's my pleasure and to be able to do this at 1.30 on a Wednesday afternoon, I'm super grateful. It wasn't always like that for me, so to be able to do this now and spread my message and help people save their lives is all I want to do.
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, let's start off with obviously the obvious question who's Todd? Who's Todd Ennis? Who's?
Speaker 4:Todd All right. So when I go and do my speak engagements, this is where I hit him straight between the eyeballs. So it's the truth. Yeah, I was a child sex abuse victim as a young six-year-old boy on the mid-north coast. So my life started in hell. Basically, I wasn't given the normal opportunities most six-year-old kids get, should be getting cared for, loved playing tips with their friends chasing a ball around the backyard. I was being picked up by an after-school carer and put in a garden shed and the rest is not something that I'll go detail with, but it was a big sex abuse case. So I moved to Newcastle at a young age and found that rugby league was a really good outlet for us. But yeah, through corner cutting lies, excuses, crime, addiction.
Speaker 3:that's all part of the make makeup of who I used to be today but not forever, not forever, yeah, yeah, oh, man geez, what a way to introduce yourself.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah yeah, welcome, welcome. Yeah, obviously, that beginning story where you start off saying that you obviously were a child abuse victim at six years old, I mean that is just incredible for anyone to kind of go through at that age. When was it that you kind of because it's also easy for us at that age to kind of block it out and kind of put it to the far corners of our mind when did you start to see the outcomes of that kind of starting to play through in later in life for you?
Speaker 4:That's such a good question. I didn't notice it at the time, but I had a real attraction at a very early age to females. So ironically now at 43, it hasn't changed much.
Speaker 3:I think you're describing every male.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, Everyone's the same aren't they?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:No, look, I gravitated towards girls because in the garden shed for me was a girl from down the street which I don't want to name, but that was where we would perform acts, and I just found that I gravitated towards girls really quickly and had sort of feelings and different things at a young age that I thought were wrong. I didn't know why it wasn't until I did some therapy later on in life and that she just kept pushing me and pushing me to talk about my past and my trauma as a kid. I didn't see the relevance. I used to get really frustrated and leave, but then I started doing a bit more talking about it and a lot more stuff made sense. So I think there were signs as a young age, at maybe late primary school, early high school, but I wasn't aware of it until much later in my 20s.
Speaker 4:Do you think that you knew and I understand, at six and one of my boys is seven but do you think at the time when you were six that you hadn't? This is not right, there's something wrong. Or did you think this is me, I'm doing something wrong, or how did you identify that? And did you go and talk to your mum, talk to your dad, talk to the neighbour, or did you just go? Oh, I don't know what to do. Yeah, is this normal? The hardest thing is as a six-year-old. Your early memories aren't overly vivid, which is good for me. I do remember that I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I had no idea what the right and wrong was at six-year-old. That's what I was going to ask you.
Speaker 3:Did you know that anything you were doing was out of the norm for a six-year-old?
Speaker 4:No, I didn't, as I talked more about it at a family barbecue one time that's when it all sort of come to head.
Speaker 4:Mum asked some questions and it led from there, but I didn't know it was wrong. I just look back now and I think maybe if I hadn't noticed there was other kids not doing that, maybe I would have thought that was wrong. But the memories are just very, very. You know, it's a bit like a dream. It's a bit like a dream. You can only remember bits and pieces of it, but I'm glad because I don't want to remember that. Yeah, absolutely yeah. I don't want to remember that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely yeah. I don't think anyone would want to remember something like that, hey, no. So obviously you came through that situation, moved to Newcastle, decided it was a new chapter for you to start and pour yourself into, and you got into rugby league. Like you said, you and your brother obviously were really talented rugby league players. Yeah, why did you think that that was something that you really gravitated towards?
Speaker 4:We rode BMX bikes up in Sawtelle and that was the thing to do. It was on a Saturday. So when we come to Newcastle we thought we'd sign up with a BMX club at Edgeworth. But all the kids at school played rugby league and we had to make a choice. And after playing a bit of touch footy and that at lunchtime with the boys and that at school, we thought we'll give it a go and we never looked back. You're like we're good at this yeah we're good at this.
Speaker 3:We're good at this. We're going to do this all the time, and.
Speaker 4:I remember Dad too. We'll talk about Dad a bit later, but he was really impressed because he was an old hardhead and rugby league was his game, did he play? Yeah, I don't think he played NRL or anything, but he went to an all-boys school. He was a bit of a rough, yeah okay, but he loved that we played rugby league, so we had his support for the first time. Really, yeah.
Speaker 3:I was going to say Ten-year-old kids. That would be everything for a young boy.
Speaker 4:Even later on, before he's passing, you still just wanted him to call you and say that he's either proud or just something. Yeah, because they're heroes, right? Yeah, that's all you know. It doesn't matter what they do. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like they are your superhero, like you say, and I think every child needs to hear that they're loved, that their father is proud of them. Yeah, sure, regardless of the achievements, but for the person that they are, the fact that it's just your boy, like you, shouldn't need a reason to be proud of your boy.
Speaker 4:No, you don't need a reason to be proud of your boy and it's sad you've got to go through a fuckwit dad to learn that for your own sons.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because then there should be a better version of us down the track. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So you got involved in in, in, obviously, rugby league. It was more than just fun for you. It became a little bit more. There was more future, more hope in it than just a friendly kick around on a on a Sunday or something like that for you, yeah, for sure. Yeah, you guys were, like I said, pretty talented players, you and your brother, and there was a lot of interest in the fact that this could be a future career.
Speaker 4:Yeah, well, I mean, what's a childhood without a dream?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:You know, every kid should have a dream and should be able to hold on to that and never have it taken away from them. So I held on to that through a lot of other stuff, and there was always I'm going to get out of this and I'm going to be an NRL footy star and I'll be famous and I'll have women and I'll have cars and I'll have penthouses and I'll play State of Origin and win premierships and all the footballers' dreams as kids. And one of us went on and did it and one of us didn't.
Speaker 4:So, I didn't know that at the time, but yeah, that was a big part of childhood was having that dream, that connection with teammates and other parents. You know I felt like. I got on well with other parents and I got to do it with my brother. You know, it was really cool.
Speaker 3:So let me ask you that question, because obviously you say your brother went on to live the dream and unfortunately you didn't. What do you think is the difference between you and your brother?
Speaker 4:Yeah, these are great questions, man, and I talk about it in the corporate sector wherever I go the differences there were. Mum would pick Michael up from, say, spears Point roundabout where we were goal kicking practice, and he'd choose to run home and I'd get a lift. Oh, wow, all right, my footy coach would just split the forwards and the backs up. Toddy, you go, take the backs, we'll take the forwards. We got four 100s on the repeat and I'd do three and say, boys, we've done four. Okay, I was a corner cutter, a professional corner cutter because we used to get away with it. So when you talk about the one percenters of athletes that make it, that's the difference. Yeah, okay, so that's where it all started.
Speaker 1:So, mike, was out.
Speaker 4:there, we're doing four. Actually, we're going to do five.
Speaker 1:We're going to do six Exactly, and then I'm going to run home and leave Mark in the car.
Speaker 4:They're the extras that you, whatever, but to separate the really really good champions. They're the difference and that was the case.
Speaker 3:We've spoken about that before on the podcast. Actually that extra 1%, and obviously we call it the 1% club or the one degree club. And if you do something other 1% more or you shift your focus one degree more, you might not see right now the outcomes of that decision. But the further down the road road that 1% grows and compounds and the one degree eventually gets further and further away from where you were. So it's such a beautiful concept, like you say.
Speaker 4:Well, it's a parallel that we can add to every aspect of our life whether it's work, relationships, finances. The 1% stuff has the rewards at the end and it's inevitable. If you don't quit on that 1%, something good's going to happen. Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:It's an age-old saying hey, the small things matter. 1% is not talking about bikies either, are you? Yeah, Okay.
Speaker 3:So when did it all kind of come to a hilt for you, where you were like, okay, your brother's now going to make it in the NRL side, and your dream was slowly slipping? When did you start to see that kind of progressing?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I can tell you it's a definitive moment. I had to identify my father's body one Saturday morning and it was at that moment where he was starting to elevate his way through the grades at the Knights, and rapidly, you know, he'd play one game of SG ball and kill it and they'd take him straight to Jersey flag and then there'd be injuries in the reserve grade and he'd be up there before you know it. Well, this motherfucker's one step away from playing NRL, like what am I doing?
Speaker 3:He's killing it.
Speaker 4:This is my younger brother Like I used to tell him up in the yard my whole life how is this happening? But once I did that and I thought, yes, like he's gone.
Speaker 4:It was a relief because he was an evil man, but it gave me excuses to drink, to take drugs, to fight, to get right back into the life that I was already going down. But as a sex abuse victim, as someone who just identified their father, I had excuses now to behave poorly, and Michael didn't. He stayed at home and he went to bed early and he trained and he did extras and he went a different path, whereas I had all my mates that I was socialising with and we were in the clubs and we were threatening people and intimidating people and meeting different girls and taking drugs and all that sort of stuff, so that when I look back now, that was the definitive moment.
Speaker 3:So I wanted to ask obviously you were saying there that you had to be the one that identified your dad Did your brother have anything to do with that situation at all?
Speaker 4:No, okay, he wasn't there at the time. So I just had a call from the police and they said would you be able to come out to Killerman Bay at the time at Toronto?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:We just want to. We believe your father's deceased, but we need someone to identify him.
Speaker 3:How similar or how different, would you say, your relationship with your father was to your brothers.
Speaker 4:Same, same, yeah, still the same yeah. We both didn't respect him at all. Okay, and was your mum there with you, or were you there by yourself? No, they'd separated years before.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 4:So once he started busting my nose up as I got a bit older, the physicality started turning onto me, and not so much mum, because as I got older I then just sort of come out of that fear of hiding from him to actually come in front of him.
Speaker 4:So it would come in front of him so he would turn onto me and I think it was the third time that he'd busted my nose and my mum had said that'll do. We went to the Toronto Police Station, we got ABOs and all the photographs and all that sort of stuff and that was when she left him that day. She should have left him way before that, but sometimes you do things for your kids and financial situations and stuff as well. Did you have? When you had to identify him, which I can't even imagine? Was that a moment for you where you felt at peace? Fucking crazy brother.
Speaker 4:I remember walking into his caravan and he was laying on the top step and I just felt like shaking, going mate, wake up, stop being a fuckwit, get up, let's fix you, let's get off the piss, let's go and fix you. But he was so white and gone, shock like it was like I wasn't really there at first, but then driving away. I remember listening to music with with my mate that was with me and we're like let's just go out, let's just go out, and I felt so relieved that that he wasn't there, no more, and I didn't have to seek his approval. I didn't have to be scared of him.
Speaker 4:He wasn't gonna hurt you anymore he couldn't hurt us no more you know, I used to have dreams that that my fist was like so full of concrete and I just couldn't punch him. But he kept asking me to.
Speaker 4:And they still come back very, very rarely now, but occasionally I'll be trying to run for him. I've got like lead boots on Excuse me, I'll have his iron fist and I just can't get that punch to him. I just want to hit him and I still feel like you know there's still some real resentment there towards him that I never got that one square up to get that relief off me, or something. But yeah, when he passed to answer your question, it was a good day.
Speaker 3:It was a relief. It was a relief. Yeah, did you find NRL was an outlet for you to express your frustration that you maybe were feeling with you, didn't know how to express it in a different way?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I was that kid that became really depressed and anxious at a young age. Okay, so I took that into football. So I used to get really nervous, scared, worried, but then out on the field it was just beautiful. I was good at the game. I had great teammates. I used to love crowds. I used to like girls coming to watch us play. I used to be trying to impress them all the time, but I loved, after winning games of footy, singing and just going and having a free-for-all to do whatever you want.
Speaker 4:So yeah, it was definitely once I finished up something that you missed. You didn't realise you'd missed, so much.
Speaker 3:So you said you took that like I want to say brotherhood camaraderie, and you moved it from footy into a different area. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what area was?
Speaker 4:that. So when I was about 15, 16, I was right into.
Speaker 4:You know, I was trying to impress girls with violence and I was also that guy in the boys' group that would go and have a rumble with someone from a different school or out and about whatever it took. I didn't mind, I liked it because it was just something that came natural to me and it was relieving pain and it didn't bother me. I got respect. So I liked that and that led to finding my people in older groups because I didn't have that father figure anymore that I always craved. I didn't realise it didn't have that father figure anymore that I always craved. I didn't realise it, but I wanted that father figure, that protector, and I found that with older boys the criminals, and I was at one with that. I enjoyed that. I enjoyed everything that come with it as a young 17 to 21-year-old and I think, looking back through doing therapy and stuff, it's definitely the loss of a positive role model in your life.
Speaker 3:It seems like in all the areas that you're referring to, you're searching for this like family, maybe that you had lacked in the beginning, because obviously you had your situation in the beginning and then you didn't have the fatherhood, the father figure that you beginning, and then you didn't have the fatherhood, the father figure that you wanted.
Speaker 3:And then you moved into the footy side and you probably looked up to your coach at the time or whoever was coaching you. They were that kind of figure for you. And then you moved on and then you had this family where you're obviously saying that were criminals and you looked up to them because they were doing these things that you were like that's cool, that's what I want. And then when you would do it, they would give you that appraisal that you wanted. So there was always this push where you were just searching for this family, like you were saying that you needed. And I feel like you are one of 90% of the population out there, if I'm very honest with you, that are searching for for lack of a better term, that are searching for for lack of a better term and I think you actually mentioned this word before we started was searching for their tribe, their community of people that they can just feel comfortable in being the authentic self that they are.
Speaker 4:Yeah, definitely Seeking approval through your tribe, that connection, that what's the word? That sort of force where you can just be free, You're safe, that's what I'm looking for that safety unit where no one can harm you anymore, because you've got that comfort in numbers and the group that we were with they would do anything for each other. So I look right back through, right from the start, as that six-year-old boy now and I was pretty much abandoned into hell and so, looking for that safety, I'd finally found it.
Speaker 3:What were some of the things that you kind of found yourself getting involved in at this stage now?
Speaker 4:Violence for sure. Intimidation was a huge part of it. I liked people fearing me. I felt comfortable there. I liked being that guy that could walk into Fanny's nightclub and I had my boys with me and they would get out of the way the boys would hear even the bouncers, and they'd be like, yeah, just come in. You could be fried off your tits and you could be blind drunk. But he's all right, just let him in.
Speaker 3:He's good, you had a posse you had your people, you had your tribe, my tribe.
Speaker 4:But I also had no rules, no consequences, and I was free to do whatever I wanted. You know, until I wasn't yeah, when was that?
Speaker 3:When did this freedom suddenly come to a bit of a culmination where you had issues?
Speaker 4:Yeah, so we can fast forward a little bit there through the 20s. The 20s were a bit of a blur because of the addiction and the behavior, but the drug game sort of led its path where in my sort of mid-30s that all come to an end. I was down at the local gym and I had this private number. Call me flat out, flat out and I'm like that can't be good, because anyone that calls you on a private number is either chasing a fucking Telstra bill or an electricity bill or water rates.
Speaker 1:It's a debt collector.
Speaker 4:yeah, or you haven't made a car pay or something, yeah, but I knew I was up to date with all that stuff, yeah, and I was PTing at the time. I just had a guy and I said, listen, I'm going to go outside and quickly listen to this voicemail. I've had a voicemail left.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And that was when it all changed. It was a detective from the local police station saying in your best interest to give the police station a call, and I just went into flight mode, straight away, straight into the gym. So I've got to go. Something's happened. Excuse me, I knew the next call that I was about to make was going to change my life.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yep, did you contemplate not making the phone call? Wow, I'm so glad you said that. And running away? Have you heard my stuff before? Probably a little bit. But because a bit of me goes, oh my God, you'd be like oh, I can't tell anyone, I'm just going to pretend that didn't happen. I'll just wait for them to call me back. Might be a week. I might get another week out of them, I might get two weeks.
Speaker 3:Can reject their call again, or maybe you hope that it was just a wrong number.
Speaker 4:Well, I pranked a million people over the years. I'm a pranker. So, no, this didn't have that feeling. But the fact that you said that, that's amazing. So when I look back at who I used to be, I was probably a coward. I was probably a coward. It wasn't until when we talk later about how I rebuilt myself that running would have been a real option, because I was on my own, I was alone. So I made that phone call back to the police station and they said look, there's detectives at your property and at your rental property. So it's in your best interest to go back to your family home where you'll be greeted by some detectives, and I wouldn't suggest going anywhere because you need to hand yourself in. So I left the gym and I'm coming up through Belmont and there's the traffic lights. Now I'd thought about this for 12 years and what this might be like, and you've never got the story in your head right. I always thought I'd chuck my mobile phone, I'd fucking go on the road.
Speaker 3:Like a movie you might have watched when you were a kid?
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 4:I'm going to go hide in the drains. Pulp fiction.
Speaker 1:You're going to go hide in the drains, yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and they'll never find me. It's not like that, is it? It's not like that of those traffic lights. They were red and I'm like there's such a moment here I could just drive forward and go up the north coast and go on the run, or I can go right and face up to what I've always feared and before you know it, the lights are fucking green and you're going right and turning into the Belmont police station.
Speaker 1:And you're like no.
Speaker 4:I was on my street to go home. Oh that's right. As I get down there, there's the black suits and they're just playing with my boxer puppy. It's just like so normal yeah everyone's at school. There's no, there's no one around yeah um, you're out of the car, you know. Stay, stay back. Have you got any weapons on you? We know who you are um is there any?
Speaker 4:you know you're gonna hand yourself. You know, do you have to cuff you? And I said you don't have to cuff me, let's go, and it just went from there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what do you think was your motivation for turning around? Because there had to be something that stopped you from going left in that situation that you referred to of going on the run or going home to face up.
Speaker 4:You know what this is a question I was asked on the Russell Mansour podcast last year before he passed down in Woolloomooloo, and I'd never thought about it, so I couldn't give him a dead set genuine answer. But I've thought about it a lot now and it was relief.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:It was actually relief because I could go after today, whatever happens, that's it. That is it. I didn't know it wasn't going to be it, because old habits die hard, die hard, but I felt relieved and all I wanted to do was call my wife and just say hey, the game's over. But I didn't know if I'd be going home either, so there was such mixed emotions with being arrested like that. She wasn't at home, obviously. No, she wasn't at home.
Speaker 2:Did you call her? Did you have?
Speaker 4:that I've got a final call. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, I didn't even ask for that I was in too much trauma, too much shock.
Speaker 4:I think they deliberately put you in a holding cell for so long and you know they're doing these ones at your phone when they walk past you, as if to say that's interesting or hey, mate, we just noticed. Is there anything you want to talk about? We just came across this particular person in your phone. They just fuck with you, fully fuck with you. So you're just sitting there not knowing for 10 to 12 hours. It was hell. So she had called fucking 60 times, I reckon, throughout the day, because it was on the radio that a local Belmont man had been arrested on serious drug charges.
Speaker 3:Was she aware of everything up until this point? I'm not too sure, mate. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:It's not, I'm not too sure.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Um, yeah, she I. I hear a lot of things from her.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. I suppose in that situation, like you're saying we, you almost need like two laughs yeah.
Speaker 4:It's definitely. Yeah, hats, I do it now as a mental health advocate too. You're super Todd for everyone, but you crash at the end of the day. You need time for yourself, so you take that hat off.
Speaker 3:It's this persona that we always project of who we feel everyone needs us to be, and then, when we are not around, everyone who we really are yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:Well, I can be both. I can be the real me and still impact people. But I also need to be very aware of where my cup gets to at the end of the day, because I talk to a lot of different people with a lot of different problems and when you get to that point at the end of the day which I've identified around about that four o'clock mark, that's where I've got to go to the beach.
Speaker 4:I've got to go for a walk or be with my kids or at a coffee shop with a good friend and just take that super tight hat off and just be me who I can be and sort of recover. To go again the next day at 4.30 when I open my eyes.
Speaker 3:So this obviously all culminated in the fact that now you're obviously sitting in a cell. Yep. What then? That's kind of in a summary. What was the next few years looking like?
Speaker 4:for you, yeah, yeah. So look, there was 12 months of court coming back and forward fighting charges. There's a thing in this country called beyond reasonable doubt. They have the total beyond reasonable doubt, so there's a lot of things that were gray around my case. So once I faced up to all that sort of stuff, at the end it was just get out of the community, go and get a job, which a mate of mine gave me, a job in his civil game. I got out of the community, which was good, because I was really, really struggling in that community. A lot of people had their opinions about us.
Speaker 4:My kids copped a lot at school. A lot of people would have known you. Everyone knew me because I was a personal trainer and I was doing a kid's active programs at the school. At the gym I was a footy coach, so I was obviously quite a recognisable figure and, being Michael Ennis' brother too, I was always known. But yeah, they turned on us really quickly. We lost a lot of good friendship groups that we thought were our friends. That's another good point when the shit hits the fan, you really see who your mates are.
Speaker 3:So let me ask you the question on this one, maybe from the reverse angle of the people that you say maybe walked away, do you think to them they would have felt they were the victims because they were thinking that they were developing a relationship with someone who wasn't necessarily being?
Speaker 4:truthful. Yeah, maybe that's a good point. Maybe it's a good point. I think someone with really good traits and good qualities would still reach out and just see if someone was okay, because you've still got a family, you've still got kids and I've probably helped their kids out or themselves along the way as well. But when I say the friends, they turn against you. It's the comments that they make to other people.
Speaker 4:So I don't like the victim thing. That they're victims I get the point. But if they walked away quietly I don't understand it. But they were so vocal and every barbecue has a talking point and I don't see why someone has to go into a barbecue and say, hey, did you hear or did you know about? Like, worry about yourself.
Speaker 3:This is something I think we've spoken about quite a bit. 100% Is people find significance through the drama that they've experienced or been a part of in a way, so them sharing that they have known, for instance, that they had a relationship with you to someone who had no relevance in it to them, it was well, look how important I am. Did you see, todd?
Speaker 4:on the front page. Look how significant, look how important.
Speaker 3:I knew Todd Castle Herald. I knew Todd, so to them, it's not necessarily that they're saying anything. I'm spitballing from my this is my opinion To them. They might not be saying like Todd's a really bad guy. For them, it's the significance that they are able to say it from a perspective of knowing you, that they look important to whoever they're saying it to. Yeah, yeah. So that's what I've come to. The realization is people, they don't say things in order to be like Todd's a bad guy. They say things in order to be like look how important it is because I know the person who is presented as a bad guy. Yeah, sure, or the situation that is a shocking situation, or whatever the case is.
Speaker 4:Well, it's a bit like the local drug dealer. Everyone says, oh, don't mention him, don't mention him. But then everyone says, oh, where did you get that from? Oh, I know this guy. They like to name drop him. It's the same with athletes I know this guy and this guy's coming to my business to talk. Or I've got this guy on speed dial because, whatever, yeah, people will go. Who you know, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I mean that's not to justify their behaviors or anything like that, but I think it's just a real interesting perspective of what I would say. Maybe that I was thinking as you were talking about that and saying that because you're right, it is very hard when you're going through that and you need key people to stand up in your life, to be like, yep, you know I'm struggling and I'm also going through some stuff and you don't might not know the full extent of what I'm going through and you're judging and and hitting from what you're perceiving to be your truth. Yeah, when you can just come and talk to the person who'll give you the truth?
Speaker 4:yeah, exactly, and I'm also sure there wasn't very many people that came and said even though it was probably put across the media that you're the worst person in the world. How are you Todd? Yeah, no, no. And the hardest thing was we're all human beings 100% and we make mistakes. It doesn't matter what it is. But if you've been given a second chance, it's important to probably give that person a chance. But you know I miss that. So my wife and I were our only two I guess allies and all that and that wore her down because she lost friendships.
Speaker 4:She's very social and she's a great woman, really, really good woman, and I'd burned a lot of those friendships for my behaviors and she had to wear that. So she was going through the same stuff in the community, but it was all about me and poor me and what I'd done and what I was going through. So we sort of turned. I'd turned on her as resentment. She'd obviously turned on me because of the friendship stuff and we ended up falling apart through all that, so that was probably another huge, huge.
Speaker 3:Which I can honestly say is probably 90% of people in that situation would have turned out the same. Yeah, I think it's common, it 90% of people in that situation would have turned out the same.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think it's common. It's common.
Speaker 4:I think it comes back to you don't know what else is happening in someone else's life 100%, mate, and you shouldn't judge someone else's life because you think that they might be doing ABC. They actually might be doing XYZ. I think we all need a dose of Indonesia. So you go to Bali and you spend enough time on the streets there and every single person next to each other. All they want to do is help each other. If you don't have food, I'll give you some. If you don't have money, that's it. And have a look. They've got every reason to have mental health. Have a look at their statistics. If you go through them, they have fuck all mental health. Compared to us, australia and New Zealand, right Two of the highest suicide mental health statistics in the world, and we've got two of the best countries in the world.
Speaker 3:Well, we've spoken about that before in the fact that often the lack of materialistic things leads to a lot more happiness. And all you have to do is look at third world countries in Africa, in Asia and you look at the people that live with next to nothing and can be the happiest people on earth Absolutely, and they're just content with what they have, whereas people who have everything often are the most depressed people in the world.
Speaker 4:Just trying to get more than the next person.
Speaker 4:And I just had that experience. Just as you said, I just took my family to Bali and we just came back and we sat in a beautiful resort and the last night my wife and I were like we need to give these boys some money. They looked after my boys, we helped us with food and I gave them 2 million rupee, which is $20. And you know what he said to me? He said I will share this with my family, yep and and you know what he said to me?
Speaker 4:He said I will share this with my family, Yep, and I was like oh, I should have gave you $5 million I could see a similar story.
Speaker 3:I'm like it was $20.
Speaker 4:And if I gave someone $20 in the street in Newcastle they could go. Oh thanks you cheapo. Yeah, even a busker.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like a kid.
Speaker 4:Yeah, Is that all I? And it was such a moment and I remember my eldest son looking at me going, oh, you only gave him 20 bucks. And he said that and I'm like I know, but he didn't want anything from us. He was here to give us that service that we received the whole time we were there. But we felt like we needed to do that and he was like I'm going to share it with my family. I'm like God, what are you getting?
Speaker 3:But he's probably going to get heaps of 2 million rupee. A lot of food, a lot of rice, a lot of water.
Speaker 4:All right, let's bring it back to your story. Yeah, yeah sure.
Speaker 3:So you're faced with quite a tough situation. How did you?
Speaker 4:get out of it, all right, so. So when the shit hit the fan at home and there was talk of separation, I thought if I can go to rehabilitation and get into a clinic, I'll get enough runs on the board to save this because I was a secret addict too.
Speaker 4:I was sneaking away, doing a lot of that stuff to deal with the pain and then hiding it from home by either not coming home or saying I'm staying at a mate's place because I'm struggling, or just being sitting in a car waiting for myself to come out of a high, because you know, that's what an addict does. Yeah, but I couldn't admit that I was an addict. So I went to the clinic 21 days they give you and that was my yep, I'll come out and I'll be fine. And I wasn't. I come out and she had a good break from me and she said the damage is done, I want you to go. So that was when I really had real consequences for my actions.
Speaker 4:Finally, because I was a good dad. You know, even if you're doing the wrong thing to do the right thing which is not going to work and all that sort of stuff to be with your kids and raise them and be at every fucking school reading and kids carnival. I was at all of it, everything doing the wrong thing to do the right thing. So I was always a good dad and I lost that because you can still be a parent separated, but you're not there to put them to bed every night, you're not there to have dinner every night, you're not there to cross them in the bathroom, walk your dog, go to the fridge together. But I'd lost my best mate, which was my wife at the time. She was my best friend. I didn't really look at it like that until that rubber band was cut. Once it's cut, I finally had consequences.
Speaker 4:So that was when I had two choices, and I often say this in my talks it was like being thrown out in the deep of the sea in the biggest storm as a skeleton, and I had two choices you could sink or you could take a stroke each day and make your way back to shore. And I did that and I started adding flesh to that skeleton day by day. It was just one day at a time, and the first step for me was going to na and admitting that I was an addict. Um, and I said before I got a badge, you know, for someone who's seeked validation in his whole life. That fucking badge was awesome. Say you're sober. For one day. I went back to the family home while I was sleeping, I left it on the table and I just drove away. They didn't even know I was there, but they saw it the next day. Crickets, nothing.
Speaker 4:I'm like I've got to stop looking for this approval and validation. I've got to do this myself. This is going to take a long time. So that led to one week, two weeks, three weeks, four weeks, so on three months, four months, more badges. But I was developing power at weak temptations and that was when the full rebuild started. So the model and the program that I've got now is built off how I rebuilt myself.
Speaker 4:So I got back to the gym. I was a ghost because I was an addict, but all of a sudden I started putting muscle on my body and feeling good and with that becomes a diet because you think, I'm going to the gym, I'm going to have KC every day. I'm going to start looking into the best foods for mood which support your cognitive brain. I found that Like-minded people are at the gym at 4.30 to 5.30 in the morning. They're go-getters, they're business people, they're not there at 3.30 doing selfies and trying to pick up tradesmen, and that because they've got somewhere to be.
Speaker 4:So I was with them at that group. So I started hanging out with them and you become a bit like them, and obviously with no addiction. I wasn't sedated with sleep, so I was recovering to think. Clearly I had a focus and a purpose for my job and everything just started to build and I started gaining this power and momentum and then my social media content started improving and then I started finding that I was reaching people and getting calls and people saying you know, you're really inspirational. We're actually getting out of bed each day at the moment just to see your stuff and hear your tips and I'm like holy fuck, you're kidding me.
Speaker 4:Did you know who I was? But I didn't want to stop because I was addicted to that then. And then I got addicted to badges, so it was the best. And then they're like, yeah, but you don't get another one now until 18 months.
Speaker 2:Fuck, that's ages away.
Speaker 4:What colour is that? Can I just look at it? Yeah, and it was gold. Anyway, the full rebuild that I went through is what I have as an online program now, and I say to people every time I coach them I cannot guarantee that I'll cure your mental health, but I will give you a daily action and your best opportunity to shield yourself through these eight components against the guy that knocks on the door in the morning and says I'm going to come and hop in bed with you. It's depression.
Speaker 1:You either let it or you don't.
Speaker 4:And I think we talk about the same thing a number of times that you've just got to make that one choice and you can decide to go to the gym every morning and get that dopamine rush 100%, or you can stay in bed and hit snooze on your alarm three or four times and go. Oh well, it doesn't matter, I'll do it tomorrow.
Speaker 1:And you run the risk and that doesn't happen.
Speaker 4:And the day you do that, nick, is the day that you let temptation or weak choices back into your bedroom. That's why it's a non-negotiable for me and I say this at the NA stuff the day you say you're healed is the day you open yourself to relapse. I'm a fucking living proof that every single day, my non-negotiables have to exist. So one day I hit snooze, or the one day I go to the pub and follow someone into the toilet, is the one day that I've let weakness and temptation come back into my life, which fucked my whole life. It ruined everything, but not today. So now, whatever comes my way now I've done a lot of work on vibrations and how the universe works. My fucking needle is pointing in this direction every single day by being a really good person, and that for me as a holistic phrase, was so broad. But now everything I do is based around what would a good person do, right?
Speaker 3:now I think your whole perspective of what a good person is has changed, because if you had asked yourself what a good person is 10 years ago, it wouldn't be what you consider a good person is now no 100%, it would be completely different.
Speaker 4:But I would have read her book and found it and lied to someone about it, particularly a female to take her home because she wouldn't hear that you know what words to say. But now I have a mirror every single day and that was the best thing I had in the 21-day rehabilitation clinic. I didn't have a phone charger, so you didn't neck yourself. I didn't have a razor, so you didn't slice yourself. I was that guy. I had a fucking mirror and a shower and every day I got to talk to it and have to tell the truth, I didn't realize how important a mirror was and now I love who I see every day.
Speaker 3:Hey man, I can't commend you enough for the journey that you've walked through and the steps you've taken. I mean, not only have you done it for yourself and the fact that you are now working on yourself and it's the the self-development that you're doing just to better yourself, but now it's it's progressed to a point where you're wanting other people to help uh, to to do that for themselves. You're helping other people achieve that for themselves, and that is just such an incredible journey, because it's so hard to do it for yourself when you start going. Well, there's just this. I am so happy with what I am and all I want to do is share that with people. Yeah, sure, I want to share this, that my journey. I want to share it with them so that they can experience what I'm experiencing, the happiness I'm watching you smiling as you're talking about, like I'm proud of the person Mix's smile is infectious yeah.
Speaker 4:I just want to touch him with a leg.
Speaker 3:But it's just. It's such a beautiful thing to see. Just I can visually see the change and the happiness in front of me from the person that you were talking about. It's phenomenal isn't it. From just a few years ago.
Speaker 4:It's still funny because there's a lot of people from the past that will never, ever jump on board, and I still get the hate. But the best thing that I say to them is follow my two choices. Model guys Either hit unfollow and never fucking see me again, or get behind the army. Jump in, tell me what you should do, let's sort it out and I'll give you a roadmap forward. It's that simple, yeah, but that's it. It's two choices, isn't it? And I think for me, when I started to watch you and I'm I've got that same emotion, I suppose, of what's todd doing today and I, when I called, when I texted you this morning at four o'clock in the morning, I'm like he'll be up yeah, I put my phone down.
Speaker 4:He'll be up and then it wasn't too far later you texted me back and I was like I knew it, but you also, when I was sitting there listening to you.
Speaker 4:You're a businessman but now on the other side of the business you used to do. That was looked at some people's eyes as being bad, bad, yeah. Well, the business now is me. I don't have to lie. Like I was going to say to you is people say do you prepare for this, do you prepare for that? I don't have to. I know what the key pain points are in an organization, but the universe will tell me what to say because I've lived every single step of it. I don't have to make it up and I don't have to go and rehearse fuck all, because if it's resilient to want to talk about, I'll show you how to be resilient.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah, I mean the whole thing. The whole reason we started this is because we don't want people to come tell a rehearsed story, because there's no authenticity in that and people don't relate if there's no authentic kind of meaning behind it. So by you saying that you don't rehearse it, you just came and you were like I'm going to speak my truth. That's the most powerful thing that we could ever ask you to do.
Speaker 4:When you say to me is there anything we shouldn't? And I find that really respectful guys, I've got to say because that's a great trait, but there's nothing to hide.
Speaker 4:There's nothing I don't want to talk about. I just want to say this quickly too um, I went to a really really good motivational speaker who was in the mental health space and I won't name him but his journey and his story he's doing really well out of because he's quite popular and famous. His story's shit ass. It's fucking rubbish. But at the end of it he's he said is there any Q&A's? I'm thinking this. This guy's getting like six grand right now, sorry to do this, and he's doing it in every country town, but what happens when he leaves? Like what have people got in Moree or Taree or that?
Speaker 4:when they get up the next day and they're like that was really good, but what do I do now?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So this 90-day course, this program, it gives people 90 days of fucking hope and hope and opportunity now to create a new habit. So if you look at 21 days creates a habit. 90 days breaks a habit. So the 90 days that I've got to implement now gives people hope of shielding themselves against mental health, but I think it's also that you give them action.
Speaker 2:You have to do this and you'll get this outcome.
Speaker 4:If you don't do it, that's okay. Hit snooze and stay in bed, but get up at 4 o'clock in the morning, go for a five kilometre run up the mountain. That you really don't want to, but then I think you did it the other day. You're at the top of a mountain and you showed the lifeline number. Yeah, where you could just be at the top of the mountain and go. Look at this day. It's amazing. The sun's about to come up. I think that's what you said. Yeah, sun's come up. The raves are crashing or you could decide to go over the other edge. You miss out on living life, but they're our choices aren't they?
Speaker 3:So anyone who wants to jump on the bandwagon with you, get involved. It's the army, it's the army.
Speaker 4:Get involved in the army. Get involved in the bandwagon. I'm the head of it. Website socials hit us Website. For now is don't even bother I. For now is don't even bother. I've got this whole app being built by my South African digital marketing team at the moment. Come on the Zappers.
Speaker 3:Let's go.
Speaker 4:We're about to drop all that in the next month, so I don't talk about that a lot because I'm too excited. I just want to build a bit of interest. Can I ask you when that launches? Please let us know A hundred percent.
Speaker 3:Please let us know this whole fucking world will know, I haven't even scratched the surface, yet and if I say it, I'm going to do it.
Speaker 2:That's what I do, yeah.
Speaker 4:But it's just DMs on Instagram. So, loveyourmindaustralia, you just jump on, you follow me there, dm me. I'll get back to you at some point. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I will just say this you have some of the coolest stories he does Like. Just I love how you're just so authentic, so raw. You just speak your mind, speak your truth, and that's why I think that you get the traction you get and you get the people that follow you the way you do.
Speaker 4:It's the best thing I've ever done by far. I never thought the person that I was because, if I'm being honest, I was a shit bag. I was a bad person, not a good guy and not someone I would have ever wanted my daughter to date. But going forward, I would love to be someone my daughter would date in the future because I've fixed myself properly and.
Speaker 4:I know how to do it every single day. Yeah, you've walked through the fire. I've walked it and I've talked it and I'm living it, but my best chapter is still yet to come. That's awesome. At 43 years of age, I'm pumped. Yeah, yep, that's awesome.
Speaker 1:At 43 years of age.
Speaker 3:I'm pumped. Yeah, Yep, yeah, yeah. Well, tony, thank you so much for sharing your story. Your energy, your vibe, your authenticity is just infectious. We fully back what you're doing. Yeah, we want to be part of your story and he will really get back to you.
Speaker 4:I sent him one DM and it took a little while, like you said, but you did come back. Yeah, I spent time going through them but, you can't go back to every single person. No, you can't, but you try to yeah, of course. But one day I'll have a whole team behind me and I'll have a big office and someone will get back to you. Yeah, yeah, I'll have a big office and someone will get back to you. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:That's awesome.
Speaker 4:But for today it's just me.
Speaker 3:I love it and us Enough, and us.
Speaker 1:We're part of your army, your team.
Speaker 3:Yeah for sure, for sure, we fully back you and we want to see you soar and fly and if you can help someone, that's all that we want.
Speaker 4:Yep, I mean, at the end of the day, when all the smoke and mirrors and that are done, people's lives are the most important thing really, and when there's people inside of, I've got fuck all 10,000 people following me.
Speaker 4:But when I've got millions, I mean inside that 10,000 now I can name, if I had to, 12 people that are waking up every day looking for my story and what they should do. If I've got millions of people, how many people are we affecting lives and giving them hope? And that's it, because from that the universe will take care of anything else. But from there I say to people share my stuff. Tag, you can do it if you want. If you don't want to do it, don't worry about it, I'll find my way eventually. But if you want to play a role of service, share it, because you might save a life too. And that, my friend, is why you're here today. It's because we're all doing the same thing and.
Speaker 4:I think I've said it a number of times and I'll say it again is there's a number of people to grow the child in the tribe. It's not just one person, it's you.
Speaker 3:It's us.
Speaker 4:It's suicide prevention causes it's Lifeline. It's causes it it's lifeline.
Speaker 3:It's talk to me, bro. It's Jenny's place, it's try to make everyone's trying to do the same thing.
Speaker 4:Yep, and we're lucky, because without people like us, you know, the statistics would be so much higher. So we are making a difference at some level, and that's the goal, isn't it? To keep going 100%.
Speaker 3:Todd Ennis, thank you so much for joining us today. Love you boys, thanks for having me.
Speaker 4:Thank you, we love you. Thank you for coming.
Speaker 3:Love your mind. Yeah, check it out Instagram. It's epic, if anything. Just check it out to be entertained.
Speaker 4:We'll put links on our website, on our resources page, obviously straight to Todd's stuff, to be able to sign up once his website's launched it'll. We obviously follow and we shared quite a bit of stuff today before Todd came, so Todd's podcast won't be out for a while when you see this, but I hear this, but it's something really exciting.
Speaker 3:Well, when you hear this, it will be out.
Speaker 4:It will be out Very close to me. By then it should be done. Come on the South Africans, come on the South Africans, let's go. They'll get it there. They'll get it there.
Speaker 3:They'll so, yeah, we'll put all of that on our resources as well. So thank you very much for joining us. We really appreciate it. We wish you all the best in the future and, yeah, please come back and join us, you guys are sensational too at this should be doing it for a career yes, we will maybe one day. One day we'll see. Thanks, tom, thank you hey, thanks for listening.
Speaker 2:We hope you managed to gain.