The Healthier Home Studio Podcast

SEASON FINALE: Changing how you see your customers & their potential with Dee Kei.

• Chris Graham • Season 1 • Episode 15

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Special video version of the podcast on YouTube:
https://youtu.be/3WkoNwEfKzE

Dee Kei hosts the very popular "Master Your Mix" Podcast.
https://masteryourmix.com/mympodcast/



Chris:

after you do something like that, run a hundred mile ultra marathon how did shuffle around how you defined hard? And is there anywhere in recording studio land, working with clients or revision requests or, chasing down that payment from that client that said they were gonna pay you, but hasn't yet? Like, how has that reshuffled the other parts of your life kind of redefining what hard means to you?

Daddy Dee:

Good question. I think it generated a lot of hope for humanity. the fact that a dumbass and an unhealthy man like myself, a formerly unhealthy man like myself, could, could build my way to being able to do that, let alone relatively enjoy it. I went from having this more nihilistic, cynical on humanity and assuming everybody was kind of dumb to this, like, oh wow. Like people are really strong and I know I respect humans more. That's the first thing. It's, it's really strange, and this sounds really prideful, but hopefully just take this as face value, but like Chris, like I may have a better understanding of your true physical potential as a runner than you could ever fathom potentially. I see you in a different light, and I see my clients in a different light, and I, I just see this, this really optimistic, beautiful side of them where it's like, okay, they're discovering this. And I kind of, I'm more aware of everybody's journey and accepting of that. That's the first thing.

Chris:

Hmm. Man, that is, that's a fantastic answer. this episode is going really good.

Daddy Dee:

Oh.

Chris:

Yeah. Hey guys, welcome to the episode. I am hanging out with, an old friend at this point, dk, we've known each other for some time back in the pre covid days. this show is, it's a business podcast. It's in the spirit of the six figure home studio. the problem I found, after I left my last show, longtime listeners would reach out and be like, dude, I, so I built a six-figure home studio, I did the thing, I built the business, but it wasn't as fulfilling as I thought it would be. And now I have all new problems and hence the healthier home studio. So, dude, let's just sort of start there. you knew me before I knew you. Like, tell me about that. how did we become friends?

Daddy Dee:

I was in college. I was about to apply to the audio program. I did a music business class and, uh, I took a theoretical business startup and turned it into real life and actually started a studio. And while I was building that studio, I was listening to six Figure Home Studio, it was like one of my favorite podcasts that actually addressed the business issues and I considered myself an entrepreneur first before a musician. So was, uh, great timing. What became a big fan instantly. And, uh, yeah, we met at NAM for the first time in 2018 or 2019 in

Chris:

Hmm, I re

Daddy Dee:

that time you were really into coffee, so I brought you some coffee. I don't know if you remember

Chris:

oh my gosh. Yes. I do remember this,

Daddy Dee:

Uh,

Chris:

I feel like such a dick. I totally forgot about that.

Daddy Dee:

would you feel, why you feel like a.

Chris:

Well, here's the thing, like you gave me that coffee. That was the first nam I ever went to. So like my experience was I went out to LA uh, first time going to Summer Nam. I had been to Winter Nam before in Nashville and I hated it. And all my friends were like, I promise the Sona is way, way cooler. No comparison. I came out and, I remember, walking the floor and met you right away. And you had like a thing of coffee,

Daddy Dee:

I didn't know anything about coffee at the time, so it just says World's strongest coffee, death,

Chris:

It coffee or Wish it was death Wish coffee I still drink Death Wish Coffee because of that. Yeah, for sure. Like if I'm, if I don't have beans where I'm roasting myself, or I'm getting death wish But I remember at Nam, we met you, you gave us the coffee. And I remember just being like, Brian, what the, this total stranger likes us and he gave us coffee. Podcasting is crazy, man. Like, it, it was, you were one of the first people that I connected to like, oh, I've been in my basement with a microphone on Zoom with my friend, and there's like real humans I can meet in real life, who are fond enough of me to like, buy me a, a pound of coffee. man.

Daddy Dee:

weird and surreal about seeing fans in real life

Chris:

Oh, Yeah.

Daddy Dee:

that natural connection when you're.

Chris:

Not at all.

Daddy Dee:

Yeah.

Chris:

I think we're lucky, in audio podcast land, everybody you meet makes records for a living. they're super cool. Like they're the coolest people. but a beautiful thing when you, when you meet them in real life. So like you've blown up since that, first time that we met, what has that been like for you with the podcast exploding and you're meeting cool people? Tell me stories, man. What's happening in your life with that

Daddy Dee:

we just hit a million downloads at the podcast. That was really cool.

Chris:

amazing man?

Daddy Dee:

what do you do with this validation that you get all of a sudden, like, I'm kind of confused, like,

Chris:

Oh, dude,

Daddy Dee:

thing we've all been seeking for subconsciously entire lives.

Chris:

you be careful that, that, that'll mess you up. It, it messed with my head much more than I understood at time, and it's only in retrospect where I've been like. Whoa. That brought my inner douche bag.

Daddy Dee:

No, luckily I don't think it's affected me too much, if anything. Only like a positive way. luckily I think I had, uh, or this is not necessarily a good thing, but I had like a good foundation of self-hate. So I think like that validation, like neutralized

Chris:

it

Daddy Dee:

Uh, yeah. And I think, uh, I think it's also just me getting older. I don't know if it's the therapy. I don't know which variables I can. Kind of isolate and attribute all of this to, but um, there's too many variables. But whether it's therapy, whether it's some sort of consistent income now these days and, uh, some like whether or not it's because my kids are getting older or because I turned 30 year, I

Chris:

Hmm.

Daddy Dee:

know what it is. Everything just kind of seems to, I think it's me reconnecting to my Eastern Buddhist roots as well. It's like, of this has come back to actually a very healthy, what I think a lot of Americans would consider very complacent. But for me, very content, uh, place

Chris:

That's beautiful.

Daddy Dee:

Like I'm already winning and anything that happens is just bonus points and it's very beautiful. I literally live for what in Japanese we say like my Ikigai, I feel a lot of, not purpose. Purpose feels too strong of a word,

Chris:

Fulfilled. Is that a, is that a good word,

Daddy Dee:

Yeah. Fulfilled for

Chris:

man, that's awesome, One of the things that was kind of, uh, interesting and, and. A, a difficult sort of lesson for me to learn like in light of the last, you know, the business, you know, approach to the audio industry. This last podcast I did, one of the things that was strange, uh, for me to learn over the last, two, three years, about what you're saying about, you know, seeking fulfillment rather than some benchmark of success. Some, like, I can pat myself on the back now, I can go to a party and, brag versus like being embarrassed when everyone's talking about their real job and I'm,

Daddy Dee:

Oh, that's way too real. Oh, you're a lawyer. Oh, my bad, dude. How do you feel? I'm Asian. I feel like that's like compounded.

Chris:

That's funny, man. I remember like when I first got into audio the mixed reactions that you would get when you're just at a party and mingling well, what do you do for a living? And you're, well, I, work in the music industry or whatever. And it's funny'cause like a third of people are like, no shit. Hell yeah. Right? Cool. And then maybe a third have no reaction at all. And then the other third are like, really? Hmm. I'm gonna move on to the next person.

Daddy Dee:

Yeah.

Chris:

Like it's, that's such a weird, it's so weird in our, in our world, in our industry because We get a bad rap. As a profession a lot of the rest of society kinda looks down their nose, I saw a post the other day that someone was like, you know, if you think someone's trying to make a living in the music industry is lame, and they should get a quote unquote real job, try not listening to any music for the next month. Good luck with that, sir.

Daddy Dee:

The way that I look at this sort of stuff is like, uh, I never, these days I don't really take those sort of like negative reactions, like personally. cause

Chris:

Mm

Daddy Dee:

it's, it's some sort of like projection of something that they've been taught or their personal disbelief, or oftentimes more importantly, like we create these false narratives, right? Like we perceive it as them judging us, but actually if they jealous and insecure and feel less significant, that, so like who are we to determine what we're supposed to interpret their real feelings as? Like, I'm trying to actively remove myself from this life. Like when someone cuts me off on the road, maybe they're not an asshole, maybe they just weren't paying attention, you know, hanlon's razor there, you know, That sense, like why am I, this people pleaser in me. I'm trying to remove my reactionary state'cause I can't remove theirs,

Chris:

Man

Daddy Dee:

I'm trying to do consciously.

Chris:

listening to you talk about that felt like eating a good meal like that was like, that was like satisfying. Cause I'm, I struggle with that and you know, I think that we all do to some degree, you react to what you're per you perceive, we over assume what the other person is thinking, feeling, or our ability to know why, are they responding to some, trauma or, or, And, you know, you would think that I would have an easier time with this,

Daddy Dee:

You'd think

Chris:

with,

Daddy Dee:

you fucking

Chris:

yeah, no, don't have, I'm, I'm terrible at it.

Daddy Dee:

Who said I'm good at it? Whoa, don't, don't say that I'm good. It, I'm trying though. I'm, I'm trying to be aware of it.

Chris:

yeah. Well that, that awareness is, is so beautiful. And I, I I think that's really difficult for us in our industry. I think about when I was producing records for a living and I'm hanging out with artists in my basement and 90% of it's vocal. Coaching, basically, you know, we're tracking, all the vocals and trying to figure out like, well the 17th take we did seemed to imply this emotion slightly more than the previous 16 takes that we've got. The way that you went down on Octave very quietly at the end of a note somehow was indicative of I'm tripping over myself here. one of the things that I've been chewing on a lot and I started to talk about on this podcast is that I don't think any of us work in the recording industry or the music industry. We work, in the feelings industry. When somebody turns on Spotify, they are looking for feelings. And our job is to create these magical files, that create the feelings. And I think for us, in a lot of ways, um, that can get complicated. And where that gets challenging is, not everything that matters can be measured. You can't put anything that you want into a spreadsheet and quantify it. Its value and compare the apples to oranges, so to speak. And I think for us as people that work in the feelings industry, it's so challenging to not put your audio ears on and be like, oh, that bank teller just the last, you know, 0.37, five seconds of the way. She said, have a good day, sir. Caused me to believe there was some, right. It was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. There's a lot of assumption going on there and a lot uh, you know, even just assumption that they're doing it intentionally, we're way down a rabbit hole here, but I think it's so interesting to think about, feelings, big uncomfortable ones sometimes come up purely out of just my assumption of what somebody meant by the way they said it.

Daddy Dee:

this is really interesting. people that don't know me, and I'm sure that you might have seen this part of me, I'm deep into, I love psychology and currently I'm hyper me, like I have this, uh, uh, intellectual hyper fixation at the moment of Eastern philosophy relative to Western understanding and philosophy, fun.

Chris:

I am.

Daddy Dee:

A DHD, hyper fix, hyper fixations,

Chris:

I'm right

Daddy Dee:

get over, I don't, I don't mean to get like over philosophical here, but like, the cool thing, what's interesting is the concept of hell from a Buddhist standpoint, samsara the cycle, the cycle of birth and death, right? For Far Eastern, for Japanese Buddhist, which is, they don't take it as literal. It's not like a theology as much as a philosophy. It's based on the only way to remove yourself. One of the ways to remove yourself from Samsara is stop living a reactionary life and building awareness, building the tool set as you would do in therapy to like, recognize, build awareness and be like, all right, I don't have to react. Although quite admittedly, I suck at it. I say that, I have to remind myself of Hamlin's Razor, like, oh no. And people are just not aware. It's not malicious, they're just not aware, and that's okay.

Chris:

You know, it's funny, everything that you're saying, like res resonates deeply with me because when I got into therapy, and I started to kind of have these tools to understand myself and my thought process and my patterns and my reactionary iss. I also, got deep into more eastern, philosophies and stuff. a lot of that was when my, uh, life fell apart and I had my mental crisis, if you will. Um, I got hospitalized and when they were checking me out and okay, here's, here's the plan from here on out, here's what you need to do. They were like, get into therapy. Do MDR, you're gonna wanna do that, that's important, and take as many yoga classes as you possibly can.

Daddy Dee:

I thought you said, I thought you were gonna say, take as many pills as you possibly can. like, whoa,

Chris:

what I got into, and this is like a theme on this podcast. I talk about it a lot. It's called Yoga Nidra. And Yoga Nidra is the program that was, rebranded by the veterans, assistance, you know, association or whatever it's called here in the United States for how they treat, PTSD, veterans, veterans with PTSD. And when I got into those classes and I started learning, a lot of the, you're talking about, you know, non-judgment of this thing happened. Maybe I'm uncomfortable, maybe I don't feel great about it. I'm going to resist the urge to attach, um, judgment to the way that I feel to say, oh, I'm, I am angry and feeling angry is bad. are, are you familiar with Alan Watts at all his work? Dude, Alan Watts, man. Yeah, he's got the book on the desk right next to him. Look at this. Awesome. Well, he, uh, I find myself talking about this a lot, but he has this thing called Watch the watcher. And we can do it right now. as I'm explaining, listeners, if you wanna take some breaths and visualize this while I'm explaining it, I think it could be helpful. It's been very helpful for me. But Alan Watt says, imagine that you are sitting in a movie theater. You're by yourself, and you look up at the screen and you see your life playing out, and you are an outside observer to all the things that are happening to you. You're an outside observer to your feelings, to every bit of it. And I remember the first time I heard that and I was like, oh, wow, that's actually really helpful. And then Alan Watts like, drops the next bit here and says, now imagine that another version of you. Is in the projection room behind you in the movie theater where the projector is, you know, showing your, your life on the screen. And imagine that you're in that room and you walk up to that little tiny window that the projector is projecting through, and you look out and just the angle that you're at. You can't see the movie screen, but you can only see another version of you sitting in the theater watching the movie. just sort of pay attention to what it feels like to watch the watcher and you wanna learn how to meditate. the easiest way to meditate in the world is just go sit somewhere quiet and imagine that's happening in real life. just imagine that you are the movie theater. You're in the movie theater. Your life's on the screen, you're in the projection room, you're watching, you can't see the screen, but you can see yourself. Just sit there and just marinate in whatever sauce, that is. so helpful to get to this point of non-judgment and to watch yourself experience emotion. you know, right now, I'm, I've got a couple things I do. I'm a podcaster I'm a business coach. I've got some software products and, I'm mastering too. I stepped back into the studio and I'm Mastering Records. Sent my first batch of Masters Out. since I've come back, I think it's been about two years or so, sent

Daddy Dee:

That's actually awesome.

Chris:

Man, I'm so excited that was such a big piece of my life. Like it was in many ways, most of my life And to be back doing it and to just sort of get into mastering flow state and be like, oh, it's coming together. This thing feels like a record. Ah, like, it's just, it's very exciting. And so I've, as I've been stepping back into that, it's been so interesting to process all of these things through what you're talking about through this, place of non-judgment. and ironically, this was the point I was trying work up to, ironically what I learned in yoga and like what I've learned about, some eastern philosophy and, yoga nidra comes out of a bond Buddhist tradition. So it's sort of like northern India, Tibet, region, almost identical to what neuroscience and psychology is teaching us about our minds, about, the ways that are useful to not just cope, but to be able to sail through life. And I liked how you described it earlier about it's not complacency. It's like, I believe the word you used was, contentment. I love that man.

Daddy Dee:

As creatives, I think it is a natural feeling and responsibility to bring up new ideas, normalize different ideas, kind of test new ideas. And I think 90% or more of the things that creatives stand for just don't work or aren't wrong, but are worth looking into. Because 10% of the time that they're right, they actually make huge change, big important change. Right? And so, even if you're wrong, I feel like part of my purpose in life is, There's way too many variables with anything, right? Everything's ambiguous and we have to accept that. But I also think that it's fun and I think it can be helpful to choose what variables we isolate and fixate on those. This is all an excuse to overgeneralize, but I think one of the potential issues with. Western understanding with life is this desire for black and white thinking, this desire to be, right. So for example, on your other podcast, you say that you have a fixation on like toxic masculinity versus healthy masculinity. I think that's really important thing. All right. We could talk about that. But another concept is to assume that there is a correct form of masculinity when everybody is so different and weird and to invalidate one form of masculinity to another is also incorrect, I think from a logical sense. it's this strange concept of why do we have this desire to define what is righteous, what is good? We can't, we're not able to consciously accept that everybody's weird and everybody's valid. And quite frankly, it's strange that we care, like in a healthy way, not like in in a toxic way there, but.

Chris:

Yeah, man.

Daddy Dee:

I wonder where that part of us comes from, where I feel like have this foundation where, of course they're looking like in any business, they're looking for solutions. They're looking for things to get better. But the foundational cultural understanding is that desire, in any form is potentially damning and harming. Where, like Westerner Sea, like anything like monotheistic, Christian, Islamic, Jewish kind of vibes is, is it's not desire that's incorrect. It's, you have to have the right desire. So if you look towards or towards God, then it is good. But Iner says if you have not just low any expectations at all, it can be harming. So, it's more important to just be satisfied and be content. there's nothing about contentment in, most, scripture, but Eastern philosophy and relevant. Scripture is all about contentment and that's like the only thing that's relevant. I find that foundational understanding with life to at least be healthy to understand both perspectives. I don't think it's important to lean on one or the other. One is more superior to the other. I don't think that's relevant or important,

Chris:

this is where I want to be in this conversation. I feel more humble now than I am, than I have been in the past. At least there's a less of a fixation on my ego and massaging it just right or whatever. But I think that, What you're saying is, is so relevant, to put this through the lens of the healthier home studio because when you're in the studio, you're making decisions based on a goal. And what I find is that I, for years and years and years in my life, I had no idea what my actual goal was. I look back at it now and I'm like, my goal was to never have a boss or an adult in an, an authority over me. And when I look back at that now, I'm like, oh, I could see why I would want that. but I didn't necessarily, process that in ways that were pleasant for myself or for those around me. I, I caused. 99.9% of my own problems. And I feel like this desire, you know, to see things in black and white, you know, ev every time you have a deep conversation like this, like it gets the most interesting when you're asking why, why, why? Like, what was the motive there? And when I think about, um, my own story, when I got into therapy, you know, you, you hear about people who got tools in therapy. they got the tools to be able to process and cope and, thrive. There were a lot of tools that I came across that I've talked about on this show before. One of them is the word eternalize. It's this habit that we have to be like, I have a feeling and it's never gonna go away. Now. And now I have more feelings. Like that is Journalizing. I'm sure every single person listening to the show can be like, oh, I do that. It doesn't help, it makes things so much worse. And I think what's interesting, is you are talking about, the desire to see things as black or white. And for me, I think what I used to do, and I think that a lot of us, have been, caught, up in this in the past is that sometimes my feelings are so overwhelming to me that in order to just sort of massage them and have some sort of resolution, some sort of break, I will want to, conclusion, eyes what I'm and draw a conclusion from it so that I'm like, okay, cool. Well I've put that one to bed. I understand the situation and I probably don't, frankly, but I feel better because I'm convincing myself that I do. And it, It allows me to disassociate from the things that I'm feeling versus back to what I've learned, in Eastern philosophy or really, I just call it yoga. that's really the I look through. But in yoga and yoga nidra, they teach that if you have a feeling and you avoid feeling it, you try to find a way to not have to experience the feeling that you get bad karma. From doing that. If, on the other hand, if you have a feeling that you don't wanna let go of and you clinging to it, you're not open with it, that also creates bad karma. And when I learned that, I was like, huh, that is exactly what my therapist has been teaching me. You know, they would call it like rumination. There's another tool, on my mental health journey of like, oh, I'm just thinking the same thing over and over I'm having an emotional reaction to a thing that happened, and I am prolonging it. I'm not letting it do its thing. I'm not letting myself fully feel. And that's what's creating 80% of my problems I'm getting stuck in these loops versus recognizing, oh, I am, engaged in a self-destructive behavior called conclusion. I am drawing a conclusion. I'm jumping to a conclusion. Because I'm uncomfortable and I would like to be comfortable and I am, avoidant to the feeling And we stonewall either internally or externally for some perceived short term emotional gain.

Daddy Dee:

there's a couple, words here, and this might be a little bit of a sideways slant. Forgive me if that's the

Chris:

You're fine. Whatever you wanna do is fine.

Daddy Dee:

there's this, Japanese word that doesn't exist in English, at least not in the same way. And I think it's actually really beautiful and I try to look at my life this way sometimes, especially when it comes to the kids or anything like that. ha is kind of this feeling When a flower like flowers are beautiful because you know that it's temporary, like it's going to die someday. that pain it is transient. it is fleeting. it's almost beautiful that pain can only come from an understanding of its current beauty.

Chris:

mm.

Daddy Dee:

I have a lot of these feelings towards my kids.'cause they're four and six right now and they're amazing. And I know that it's all temporary, right? And, it's more beautiful because this is a unique situation that won't happen again. And it's sad because it's gonna be gone, it's not sad in the absolute way. it's sad because I'm going to miss it so it's not sad in English. it's like this weird, unique status of sad because you're aware of the fleeting, the word? Ephemeral,

Chris:

Yeah,

Daddy Dee:

nature of it.

Chris:

that's beautiful. Say, say that word again. Haku.

Daddy Dee:

Something is ha yeah, it, it doesn't quite fully translate. so like if you look it up in English, it's like very difficult to like, is more of a concept again, it's like, it comes from like more of like a Buddhist mindset where like things are transient and non-permanent, right.

Chris:

almost.

Daddy Dee:

because it is.

Chris:

this disconnect with the fact that this current moment is beautiful and rare. And I remember I went through a phase where I heard someone, that I really respect say that they didn't believe in the scarcity of magical moments. They didn't think that they were scarce. And I, when I heard that, I was like, oh my goodness, that's really beautiful, but. I almost think that that's probably not true. That there is a scarcity to these quote unquote magical moments, and that that sucks. that it's not

Daddy Dee:

makes them beautiful. That's makes the magic.

Chris:

it's the scarcity of a magical moment. And, you know, for us that work in the recording professions, our whole industry is based on magical moments. You know, we talk about like first take magic of like, oh man, I, they were just sound checking and I wasn't recording. That was the best take. It was messy, but that was the best. And no matter how many takes you do after that, it, you're never gonna capture that first Most of the words of the song are wrong, but there's like 20% of that first take is the best you're ever gonna get. And there is just something beautiful about that. It was somebody that I just adore Rick Rubin, I, you know, has has been talking a lot about the importance of when you're writing songs, sometimes write a really good song and let it go. Don't write it down. Don't record it. get your guitar out. You made it, you had an emotional experience. Cool. That's great. to be healthy, you have to be, in a position where you are willing and able to let go, and not, monetize every single magical moment that there's something weird and not fun and healthy. There's like a stagnancy, like a rottenness that can come from having that relationship with your muse. that's Haku. I, am I saying it? I'm probably saying it wrong still.

Daddy Dee:

So yeah, that's, it's so like your career or whatever you're into, this is like the youthfulness of your children. you feel the pain, the endear like the feeling of pain, but it's not sad. It's just, oh, it's gonna go, it's gone.

Chris:

Yeah.

Daddy Dee:

Sorry. that's

Chris:

overexplaining. this is awesome. So, like, the Haku I is the, the sort of overarching idea, what it actually feels like the bitter sweetness of a magical moment.

Daddy Dee:

This is Hana

Chris:

Wow.

Daddy Dee:

if you're ever trying to explain yourself and oh, my kids are going off to school, they're getting older. What is this pain that I feel?

Chris:

Yeah.

Daddy Dee:

It's not sadness, but it's like this, this pain because you know that they're getting older.

Chris:

Oh man. Dude, this is exactly what this podcast is for. thank you for sharing this with us. that's so beautiful.

Daddy Dee:

And it's, it's meant to be, it's used a lot like in poetry and stuff.'cause it is meant to be like a beautiful, there is beauty in things being scarce, like you said. Exactly. Right.

Chris:

yeah.

Daddy Dee:

I think there's something about it as well, like when I'm running, which is an active form of meditation for me,

Chris:

Mm.

Daddy Dee:

I think I started because I was seeking validation and trying to prove something to myself, like maybe the competitive nature from me that felt inferior. So I'm trying to prove to the world and myself, nowadays, it's been beautiful because on these longer runs I'll sit there and be like, this is only for a little bit and I'm actually really enjoying it and it hooks me back into the moment. And on some of these, even longer runs, at the end of the finish line or at the end of the race or at the end of the long run or whatever. Like there's moments where like, crying that I worked so hard, I trained so hard, and it's already done. And I'm no different. I'm no different than I actually ever was, other than this accomplishment. And it's kind of, you see this accomplishment for what it is and it doesn't change me as a person. I just change the way that I see this accomplishment.

Chris:

Man, that's

Daddy Dee:

I'm done.

Chris:

no. Dude, don't apologize. This, this is so awesome. And as you're, as you're sharing, you said, you said something just a minute ago that really captured me, this idea of active meditation. I have not figured that out yet. My specialty is the most passive form of medi meditation that you can have. It's, it's lucid dreaming. Like when I'm on in the deepest, parts of myself, I am not moving. And I have not moved at all in quite some time. But you know, like I told you, when we first started hanging out today, I moved to the country. I bought a farm. There's. Miles and miles and miles of bike trails that my property touches. When I was in high school, I, was compensating for all this trauma that I had in middle school. And the way that I chose to do that was through running. I ran cross country, I ran track. And the only community positive in my life for a sizable chunk of, an important part of my childhood was track. My coach, coach Foley, was the most important person in my life for years. and I was an 800 runner. so I'd run two laps.

Daddy Dee:

Och, that's the word you're.

Chris:

Yes. Well, it's no coincidence that I was attracted to that race. So when you, when you're running, you've got fast twitch muscle fibers and slow twitch muscle fibers. And if you're a sprinter, you're only using your fast twitch. You're not using your slow twitch. If you run an 800 bro, that is 50 50. And when you cross that finish line, you are exhausted in a really unique way because of the speed of the race. I would, almost pass out things would like turn colors, like after races.

Daddy Dee:

said, you said exhausted in a unique way. I think the word that you're trying to say is excruciating pain.

Chris:

is the 800 is an excruciatingly painful race, the 400 half of that, not excruciating, the mile four laps, not excruciating challenging, but you don't feel like you just almost died at the end of the race. So as you're talking about, active meditation, teach me, man, how did you get started? what were some of the lenses that you sort of looked at running through to not just, you know, do it for exercise, but to do it as an active form of meditation?

Daddy Dee:

Yeah, I think it took a long time. I think it honestly took a couple years for me to fully accept that. I think it's important to say like, I'm figuring this shit out myself too, but in my current progress, in my current journey, as you would say, it's difficult for me to quiet my mind. I do zazen staring at a wall. And I do with my kids sometimes as I'd often as well. Um, but, uh, that's different. Um. Where that's more of a sense of self-acceptance and trying to become present with the moment where it's like a little bit of being out of breath. A little bit of pain when I'm running, is, different in the sense that it's almost a complete removal of thought. And so it feels different. I don't know whether it's supposed to be that way or whether that's just me, but when I run, I get dumb. I don't think about anything else. I just hear the powder of the feet, I hear the wind. I try to say hi to the other runners. I don't care about what I look like, how my hair is, whether I look cool or not. I don't care about how, I run compared to others. It's just I'm a little bit too tired to think about that stuff. so what it becomes for me is like this amazing way to just totally let go, to embrace this unique, relative pain. And, whatever joys of the endorphins are I get afterwards or whatever. And it, and it's, it's really crazy'cause feel like when I first started running, and this is, this is, I think the most important part. I, as I said earlier, like I felt like I was doing it to validate something with myself because I felt inferior had this superiority complex to prove to others that I was, I'm, I'm better than them and I'm more, you know, I have better, know, control over my emotions and I'm able to each get right. And I think that's how it started. I think I did my first couple marathons with that in mind. And then, then it slowly started changing. It was when I did my first ultra marathon, where I went into it completely, no expectations. Like, not even like I wanna finish. It was like, I don't know, I don't care if I finish or not. wanna challenge this and I wanna smile the entire time. That was my only thought that I had. And, it got really difficult to smile at the end. I mean, 30 hours in with 20 miles left is like not fun, you know,

Chris:

That's awesome

Daddy Dee:

out of a hundred, you know, it's not fun. it's, but that being said, it was, I, I learned and after I accomplished this huge thing, a hundred miles, big accomplishment. Right?

Chris:

Hmm. Yeah, absolutely. That's wild.

Daddy Dee:

and yeah, it's, it's crazy to me. It's one of those few things that like, have never been weird, crazy to me. It's, it's, I've never

Chris:

Huh?

Daddy Dee:

That's strange. but with it, I realize like my competitive nature would've taken me to like mile 80. Like my desire to be more that aggressive competitive nature would've taken me very, very far. But around mile 80, when like everything breaks down, you're 80% of the way through, you only have 20% left. And I think this goes to any distance, but it was especially clear for me for this a hundred mile distance. was just like if I had any feeling of wanting to prove myself or wanting to be better than myself or wanting to be better than somebody else, that comes from a foundation of not liking yourself, of, of self hatred, whatever. And I think the really, the only thing that took me from mile ad to a hundred, I think some people can like grind their teeth, grit through it, kind of David Goggins through it. I think most of the elite ultra runners there, there's this, there's this common sense of like, we really just love this we don't need to dishonor our. Passion by giving it a purpose, like almost giving it a purpose. Dishonors the thing itself, which is just, we like running. There's no reason for it. It's strange, it's weird. And everybody thinks, everybody like, thinks that we're really elite, whatever that means because we runs super long distances, but we're the same people. You, we just have different hobbies. And, this is just something that I really like and, accepting that. And once you've kind of accepted that, I feel like that's what took me the last 20% was this just like, I love this. I chose to be here. This is a once in a lifetime thing. It sucks. My feet are on fire. I cannot feel my feet. but it is It is fleeting. I chose to be here and I, I love doing things that are hard. it doesn't have to be because I'm trying to beat myself for, beat someone else. It's just like, it's just what I am. I love hard things.

Chris:

Hmm.

Daddy Dee:

And I feel like, yeah, I was able to maintain a smile, although it got really, really, really, really, really hard at the end.

Chris:

I watched your video a a maybe it wasn't this race, but I watched a video recently where you were doing, I think it was an ultra marathon. It was like in a desert, and you were like, you know, every, you know, still smiling, mild, blah, blah, blah. Still smiling. Still smiling, and then, yeah, man, like fascinated by that, but also nervous that you're gonna infect me with this, ultra marathon.

Daddy Dee:

and I think the point is like, that's not, I think the point is me saying that like, that's not my intention. I'm not trying to infect you. I'm

Chris:

Yeah. I don't feel that at all. Yeah.

Daddy Dee:

weird. I don't feel better than anybody else. In fact, the negative is people kind of self perceive and put on this thing where it's like, I want to run and I want friends. they're like, Hey, do you wanna go on a run with me? And if they know my history of my past of like me running these ultra marathons, they're like, Hey dude, actually not really, no. Like I can't run as much as you. And they kind of they do this thing where, where they put themselves below me I myself don't see anybody like that even more so since having this accomplishment. And so I find it strange, like I people were open to it. And, but I also understand how that is to feel that way. It's just a strange thing come being on the other side of that. Like, I'm not trying to affect you. If you wanna do it, go for it. It's a passion of mine and I love to see other people become passionate with the same hobbies. But, I, I do think that it's best to like the things that you like and be okay not liking things everybody else likes. And what's cool is cool to you and it's not necessarily objectively cool to everyone. And I think that goes along with being creative in music and stuff. A lot, a lot of the things that you were saying earlier.

Chris:

Yeah, man, I'm, so, I'm really curious. I would imagine that after you did this super hard thing, that I, I felt this in my own life, with State House stuff, you know, like when I started going down there and, and, and advocating, it felt like I was running a marathon. You know? I went, went over and over and over and over again, and it was the strangest thing watching the governor, handout pens in the signing ceremony for my first law. And I'm like putting a pen in my hand and me being like, whoa, holy crap. And it was such a hard thing on the flip side of that hard thing. All the other hard things in my life got shifted around a little bit. You know, it wasn't like a 10 out of 10 hard is no longer a 10 out of 10 hard five years ago. A 10 outta 10 hard is like a three. Still not a one, but it is, it's definitely different. It's, I'm, I'm so curious about after you do something like that, run a hundred mile ultra marathon and finish, how did shuffle around how you defined hard? And is there anywhere in recording studio land, like working with clients or revision requests or, chasing down that payment from that client that said they were gonna pay you, but hasn't yet? Like, how has that reshuffled the other parts of your life kind of redefining what hard means to you?

Daddy Dee:

Good question. me preface by saying I'm formulating thoughts, these thoughts in real time.'cause I haven't

Chris:

Yeah.

Daddy Dee:

things. Right. think for me it is more put into perspective. I think it generated a lot of hope for humanity. the fact that a dumbass and an unhealthy man like myself, a formerly unhealthy man like myself, could, could build my way to being able to do that, let alone relatively enjoy it. I think what that did is like I, I went from having this more nihilistic, cynical on humanity and assuming everybody was kind of dumb to this, like, oh wow. Like people are really strong and they're kind of practical and pragmatic in their own way, and we all want the same thing, but just from different perspectives. And I know I respect humans more. That's the first thing. It's, it's really strange, and this sounds really prideful, but hopefully just take this as face value, but like Chris, like I may have a better understanding of your true potent physical potential as a runner than you could ever fathom potentially. And, and granted, I don't know you, I'm not gonna claim to know you, but the fact that I could do it sees you. I see you in a different light, and I see my clients in a different light, and I, I just see this, this really optimistic, beautiful side of them where it's like, okay, they're discovering this. And I kind of, I'm more aware of everybody's journey a little bit more and accepting of that. That's the first thing. The second thing is not so much my, my ability to do hard things, and it doesn't make hard things feel less hard, but I think it's more of my personal confidence, like when things are hard. I have more confidence that it's all right, I'm gonna be able to get through this. Things are all like, are hard all the time. Like I don't think it becomes less hard. I don't, but it's more of like, okay, this is hard and I'm able to accept that, acknowledge that people have having a hard time too. And it's, it's more of like a confidence in, in self rather than perspective on hard things, if that makes sense.

Chris:

Hmm. Man, that is, that's a fantastic answer. this episode is going really good.

Daddy Dee:

Oh.

Chris:

Yeah. And, as you're, as you're talking about that, I'm understanding my own, that's very helpful. Wow, that's very helpful. And I, I, so your boldness at saying, look, I, I have completed a hundred mile race, which is great, but you have to understand what it took to be able to complete a hundred mile race. But the fact that you've done this for you to see somebody else who's running and to recognize, a stage of pain or suffering that they're in, in a possibly a stage mentally of how they're processing, what that feels like. that in a nutshell, is why I am doing this new podcast. I've talked about this before on this show, but, I. The thing that, that I pulled off in the State House, getting justice for Boy Scouts in Alabama, Indiana, and Ohio

Daddy Dee:

Yeah. Scouts Honor, right?

Chris:

Scouts. Honor law. Yeah. That and, the spousal exemption. So making all rape and Ohio and Ohio illegal. shepherding these bills from day one until the very end. And, What astounded me about that process, after the laws started going into effect and it, I was starting to wrap my mind around, huh? The worst thing that ever happened to me, has opened the door for the dopest shit I have ever done in my entire life. the thing that has been interesting about that for me, that's blown my mind is continually understanding, oh, uh, 99% of the skills that it took to do that thing are skills I learned in the recording studio. It's how to talk to an artist when they're feeling subconscious. It's how to, get a record off the ground to get it started. It's how to, convince the client, who might be fixated on. some really esoteric piece of the mix that no, your speakers are blown in your car. Stop giving me, revision notes that that started in your car. Those aren't helpful. all of those skills I found transferred directly into convince legislators to turn 180 degrees away from the path that they were going on and to focus on we're gonna do these other things. And in the process of doing that, it was wild because I started to realize like, man, when I was doing the six figure studio and. You know, rolling out Bounce Butler and business coaching, I Grammy and Tony Winters. I'm just like thinking, oh, I'm such a badass, blah. I was really stoked on that. But once, like, once I started making laws, in my free time, I looked back at those and was like, oh shit. I, I'm, I perceive my unhealth in different ways and in the process of doing that, it's helped me, see other people's potential differently than I did a few years ago but I love, I love what you bring this home. I love what you're saying about how doing a hard thing has changed how you view other people's potential. That is beautiful. That is incredible. And I want to hear more about if you've seen that manifest, in your businesses, if you've seen that manifest as you're working with clients and, you know, understanding that, you know, as a producer. Which is how I see you. Like I, I, I, I don't really dis distinguish between, you know, people that are like, oh, I'm a mix engineer, I'm a master user, whatever. Like, bro, if you're making records in the studio, I, I think that all falls under the producer umbrella. We're just, you know, taking kind of smaller pieces of that, but producing is helping people uncover their potential. I think, like, I think that's, that's, that's the purpose is when you're, when you're helping somebody make something, is you're trying to bring out the very best in them. And sometimes, you get the, the great joy of seeing that happen in real time where, you know, maybe they're recording a vocal take and they just go somewhere that they've never gone before and they ad lib some stuff and you're like, that's in the final. That's, that will be in the final version of the song that was magical. But like seeing people have those experiences where they, find a deeper version of themself, you know, they, they find the next gear, so to speak, is fascinating and not in a million years, did it ever cross my mind that the physical aspect of training to do a hundred mile race, something that 99% of people would look at, 99.9% of people would look at and be like, that's, that would never be possible for me to do that. That's beautiful. I wanna hear more about that. Like, what has that experience for you been like, you know, seeing that potential in other people. And are there ways, outside of running that you've noticed that, you know, in your life and in your business as well?

Daddy Dee:

I think the most important thing that's, that's had a surprising, positive effect in my business, from my perspective as well, from the client's perspective, is I feel like I'm a lot more patient, significantly more patient with myself. I mean, I'm laughing a lot even in this episode. I'm laughing a lot more recently. Like I, this, I have no more desire to prove anything to myself. So I don't take myself as seriously, I don't have this need to be taken seriously by anybody else. Like, we get to do this cool, fun thing and is what it is. And some people, are whatever it is, aren't as fun or are more difficult or are just genuinely. Politely, stupid.

Chris:

and

Daddy Dee:

I'm like significantly more patient. And I think that the patient side of me makes clients happier, builds longer term relationships. and and more importantly for myself, I think that I actually enjoy what I do a bit more now because of that, because of that patience.

Chris:

Hmm, that's beautiful. The patience. So what, what are ways, gimme an example of something like in the studio that required patience in a different way than it does now.

Daddy Dee:

Yeah. It's so funny. This is a music podcast and I'm like a mix eng or a Yeah, a producer mix engineer. Right. But we haven't even talked about music at all. But like a good example is like, this happened this week where like a former client of mine who it was a two years ago, would've like, I don't really wanna work with this person. Wasn't necessarily enjoyable. And in these emails, like I would accidentally the, as as young would say, like the shadow, the shadow would come out and I, in my emails, they would probably perceive that I'm actually not looking forward to doing this. And I would put that feeling on them a little bit, a little bit mean, probably unintentionally, But nowadays it's like, I think the patient comes in the sense that like, if I don't like working with them, which I think that the threshold to get to that point is higher, more difficult to get to a point where I don't like working with you now. But on top of that, I get to that point, so I can show excitement. I can, because we're gonna have to do this regardless. If you're giving me money, I'm gonna yes on agreed upon rates, right? whether or not I enjoy the process and I show you that I enjoy the process is up to me. And so like, that's like a great example. Like I feel like my communication with clients is significantly better. And I think my, in my enthusiasm is more genuine and is transferable. I think my passion is more obvious and I think it's more, uh, uh, excites people more like the idea of like, The transfer. This is a quote that I really love. The transference of being around passionate people is enlightenment. And I feel like since then I have this higher ability to enlighten and share passion with my clients better, which in turn, more than a fucking great snare or a kick drum or like loudness of the master. I think that's what they're looking for. In a previous episode, you mentioned like people are looking for finishers, right? these finishers and like, and, and for me it's like I feel like my ability to help finish these songs from an emotional perspective with the confidence and enthusiasm that they want, that they're paying I'm able to give that more with my newfound patients for myself and for others.

Chris:

You know what's fascinating about that? I'm so glad you brought up this term finisher. I'm sure you've seen these clips of like people running marathons and at the very end of the marathon, so and so falls over and you know, they're like incapable of crossing the finish line and another runner comes up behind them and, you know, puts their arm over their shoulder and helps'em across the finish line. And they'll always push the tired person over the finish line before them, you know, it's never, they'll get to the finish line and they'll cross it. And then I just so you know, I beat you. I helped you, but I also beat you. Right. And I think what's beautiful is, if we use this word finisher, is that you got across one of the hardest, one of the hardest finish lines a human can get across. There is some aspect of being a finisher that you had to develop and nurture and grow. And of course, that's gonna be transferrable to the record making industry where our job, all of our jobs is finisher. especially for mixed engineers and for mastering engineers, we come up against that last 20%. You know, where people are, are, are struggling, you know, they've got more imposter syndrome than, than they maybe have ever experienced in their life. They're nervous about how people will perceive them. They're nervous about, how people will, I. Respect, value and adore them on like a spiritual soul level. They're like, oh, your music is indicative of the deepest part of who you are. And so when I hear it, I get to cast a really high resolution type of judgment against the musician involved here. And that is so. Challenging difficult, to get across a finish line, to make a record, you know, its own type of ultra marathon, emotionally in so many ways. And so I'm fascinated by this idea that, what you learned about being a finisher running ultra marathons and how that transferred to being a finisher to help people finish records. So like, I, I don't know if you have any other thoughts and feelings just about like this, is it a dichotomy? I, let's call it a, a dichotomy, you know, the, the literal finishing and the figurative finishing. What are the things that you see where these two things are connected? However you wanna respond to that. I am just like so excited to just hear you ponder in real time. The similarity of these two things.

Daddy Dee:

the thing that's interesting with this is, my genuine curiosity. With this is like, I feel that this sort of, this finishing aspect is we all have it, and even though people don't believe that they have it themselves, I find that it presents itself in different ways. For example, you with going to these courts and, and kind of like lobbying for good things, right? Like that's like how that presented itself. I find that very curious, like your life decisions, the things that happened, right? you coming back to podcasting and music is like, I, I don't think people understand how substantial that is for you on a personal level. I'd love to talk about that. to answer, to answer your question, I'm at the point where My desire for greatness has changed and it's not in a traditional sense.

Chris:

I love that. That's a okay. thing to say.

Daddy Dee:

Yeah. It's, it's more, it's not relative to anybody else. more of like a true passion and love for my craft. And of course, anything like, if I were into cooking, I'd want to make great meals. But the cool thing about cooking is a great example because you make these great meals for others to enjoy. And I think a real chef has this great, as Seth Godin would say, like practical empathy, where it's like, you're making it for yourself, like as a craftsman, but also there's like this little bit of practical empathy where it's like, but it has to be enjoyed by others. I. Talking about being a finisher, to 80% can be forced. It's by being the chef that's only thinking about themselves. You're making it for yourself. You're mixing these songs for yourself, and I think that'll get you 80%, I think that'll finish most regular marathons or, or do these really hard things in life. But I think the point that I'm trying to get is, is the place beyond that, which is very interesting and, and this comes from the idea of like in Buddhism, it's like to reach enlightenment, you have to get to a point where you're no longer seeking enlightenment. And, and, and so it's like, it's this idea of like, yes, if you want the goal, you can get, their humans can make and set any goals that they want. But what's beyond that and and beyond that is to let go. and this could be, this can be interpreted and, and, given examples, in so many different ways and theories and cultures. But the next level beyond that is to decide or to figure out that like you don't need to and you don't have to think about it. And when as soon as you stop thinking about it is probably when you'll accidentally stumble upon the real, personal, private, intimate reasons why you go beyond, which is not for validation, which is not for personal musical masturbation. Forgive my French. It's, it's for something deeper that doesn't need to be articulated, doesn't need to be explained, it just is, doesn't need to have used the English or language to describe it. Just, I want to do this. I don't know why it's beautiful and I will. my thought right now is like that next, that last little bit, removing that desire to finish is my, is my current next step.

Chris:

The why behind excellence. I think that, Is probably one of the most interesting and profound things that I think we can all ponder as humans, but certainly, in a quite literal performance environment. that is music industry. Right. And man, you know, I, I'm, I'm getting the sense that the editing of this, podcast episode is gonna be high value to me. I'm gonna be pondering some of the things that you're saying on a deep level here and the thing, you know, to kind of bring us around the bend. and to wrap up this episode,'cause what you just said, I, that's the meat, like, that's the, that's the take home the why behind excellence and getting to this point where excellence is no longer the goal. There's just, there's just. It's a state of being and you're just doing the thing because it's awesome.'cause it's beautiful. And I like to, I explain this to my kids all the time of like, look, if we had a Lamborghini, you know, we live right next to a, a real straight highway. At some point we should take the Lamborghini out in a safe environment and put the pedal to the metal. What,

Daddy Dee:

Yeah.

Chris:

what is this machine? What does it do, man? And you know, from that standpoint, we have this thing between our ears that has 1 trillion different connections to all the different neurons in inside of it. In the known universe, there is nothing more complex and more mysterious than our brains. It is the. Most absurd object in the known universe. It, it does not make any sense at all why it exists, let alone why it functions. We're not even really sure how like memories are formed. We, like, we are at, at, at the, at best infantile stage of un, of brain science right now. We will learn a whole lot more over the course of the next a hundred years. But, you know, as I'm thinking about this in my own life and thinking about, you know, why am I doing this? What's the motive behind it? Yeah, I've got some grit and I've got some drive and I can, I can go a whole, I can go a long way on hustle. But the capacity that the final outcome, the potential of hustle culture is not as good as the potential of know thyself and I. Be fully present and understand where your feelings are coming from and, and disconnect from, the desire to be, you know, lauded or congratulated or to be held in high esteem. And for me, where I had a shift around this was I was in a yoga class, and there was this wonderful woman named Kristen, who was the teacher, and she shared this idea, about the Japanese art of Kent You know, this idea of like, yeah, like, okay, we got this, this beautiful bowl. Somebody made it. It's, you know, really valuable. It's precious, it's fine art. Oops, somebody broke it. There's a fork in the road right there, right? You can throw the ARDS away and just move on. You can get some super glue and you can try to make it look like the bowl was never broken. You can fake it or. You can fill the cracks with gold and you can put it back together and make it so that it's trauma, its story, its wounds are actually the most interesting and beautiful part of it. And for me, there was a point in my life where I just sort of was like. ksu. Whoa. And that Lamborghini idea well, what does it look like to pedal the metal on that? Like it means to go to the fucking state house was what it meant for me. And you know, as I started to wrap my mind around this concept, this like, what does it look like to just, instead of this you know, whitewash, tombed, just make everything look great. Put on, put on a show, make everyone think you're happy. Make everyone think you, you know, your marriage is great and just like be the ideal. And, eng gorge yourself on the recognition that comes with, you know, with being this idealistic version of, of your version of a man or a woman or whatever it to be. Versus, own it. making a decision to, to, to be one person, to not mask, for the sake of feeling safe but just to own it. Like, that's the fucking dopest thing I've ever, that's the coolest idea I have ever wrapped my mind around. And, you know, there's not like a point of recognition at the end of like, there's no goal at the end other than just like, let's go the Lamborghini out on the highway. Let's, for it, let's just see what happens. I wanna feel like zero to 60 in 1.8 seconds feels like, and there's no goal. Other than just like, well, this is a thing that can do a thing. Let's ex I wish I had a word to describe like the beauty of we're just, we're just going to experience what this thing does.

Daddy Dee:

Well, I, I think that's like, I think beyond you, you did an episode about this, actually, I really like this, and you, you twisted it in a different way. I think that's also another level and another perspective of the form of play that you, you mentioned,

Chris:

Yes. Yes, a hundred percent.

Daddy Dee:

play has to come from this either intentional removal of awareness and introduction of childlike, spontaneity, or. A place from before awareness, which is genuine, childlike, spontaneity from being blissfully unaware as a child. Like I think it has to be either intentional and getting to that place. Right? I think Like like the pain that we all go through and especially you went through potentially, right? Is that, is this, almost that order of happenings was important and almost like zagi, like gives it more value after it was broken and rere repaired and not just the, the product itself after re repairing it, but like the process of caring for something like the process itself is like honoring the thing that you made before. Like this thing that you really, you could just throw it away and get a new one, but it's like there's something beautiful about having, doing this thing, taking the care and time for it. And I don't know, there's something about play that I really like. That you've mentioned before, and I think what you're describing to me is another perspective of play that you mentioned on a different episode.

Chris:

Well, and there's the words

Daddy Dee:

Chris. Chris,

Chris:

you're fine. You're fine.

Daddy Dee:

for five seconds?

Chris:

Yes. You're.

Daddy Dee:

getting distracted. I need to be so bad. struggling

Chris:

I. seconds. Boy that's so comfortable.

Daddy Dee:

Holy cow. Dude, I think I just into the eyes of God. I, holy moly, dude,

Chris:

That's funny, man

Daddy Dee:

it big time talking about doing hard things. Holy way water this morning.

Chris:

It's funny I've had No, you're fine. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it at all. I, it's funny, I've noticed in my own life, I often will, I'll be like working on a hard thing. I'll be like trying to solve a problem and be like, fuck, I'm gonna take a break and go pee. And I'll be in midstream and be like, I know what to do. Like, there's just something Peeing is like, it's a wonderful part of the human experience. let me, um,

Daddy Dee:

revelation has come from on the crapper, so

Chris:

oh yeah, absolutely. So let me, let me bring us around and then I, I gotta, I gotta head out in about five minutes or so. I gotta go pick up my sons. but so I, I think The idea of Kintsugi taking, this life that I had just terrible, burned out pieces of my life. as you're giving me, new tools, to have names for the, the feelings I'm feeling and the idea of a, a certain genre of feelings that are related to, moments, you know, that are related to, either not being able to process emotionally in the present, as a result of something that happened in the past or the shift that comes from a. The only thing I would've given anything for the keys to a DeLorean, and to, to right, and to, to fire up that flex capacitor and to go back in time and, fix this stuff. There's a relationship with feelings there, there's something about your energy and the way that you perceive these sorts of things. That's really nice. And I really like that about having conversations with you in the time that we've, hung out. I. In the past out in LA before, and I, I just like, man, dude, healthier home studio salute to you. Dk like,

Daddy Dee:

Hell yeah, dude.

Chris:

yeah, man, you, you're doing it, you're, you're thriving. And it has been so cool. I remember before you moved to LA and you know that there was this wild grind I was scared for you. Like you were working so many hours so, so, so, so, so many hours. Maybe more than anybody else I ever met in six-figure home, studio world. Like I think I probably had the most concern for you about just like the sustainability of doing that. And I, I remember having conversations with you and, and, just being like, Hey. what, what, what can change? Like what, what levers do you have to address this Yeah, I mean, I was like genuinely concerned for you and I am genuinely not concerned for you at all anymore. Like, man, you're thriving and like you've got this huge podcast, which obviously I've got big feelings about, like I'm watching you, like experience a lot of these things that I experienced when my podcast, you know, popped off in the same world and you just seem to be processing it and just really fucking dope ways, man. So just healthier home studio freaking Chris Graham salute to you, my man. Like

Daddy Dee:

not deserve that honor.

Chris:

the fuck. You don't, you definitely do.

Daddy Dee:

because it's like I'm still processing this shit too, so it's like. The last thing that I wanna say. I think to you know what's crazy with your, with your struggles, and this goes beyond you, is to everybody else as well. It's

Chris:

Hmm.

Daddy Dee:

seeing, going to do, you know, Dao, dollar store or like Ikea, right?

Chris:

No, dude.

Daddy Dee:

Yeah. to like Ikea and you see this like kind of broken shitty chean, this, this bowl

Chris:

Yeah.

Daddy Dee:

yeah, it's got some gold lines in it. It's like kinda, it might be cool to you, I think what makes it beautiful to your point is that you put it back together.

Chris:

Yes.

Daddy Dee:

Like you, Chris Graham figured that shit out

Chris:

There's big

Daddy Dee:

I gives value is like, sorry,

Chris:

bro. No, no, dude, that, that, that was the best thought. That was like, that was like the high point of the podcast thus far because what you, you're hitting the nail on the head is that it's not about going to IKEA and buying a piece of Kintsugi. That's not terribly interesting. It's not that interesting to get on Etsy. Maybe a little more interesting to get on Etsy and somebody, know, has made Kintsugi. But bro, if you did it yourself, you, put that back together and found a way to make it work. And like I've made Kintsugi, I went through like a whole phase with my kids where like we'd, we'd get kits and like we'd smash a, a coffee mug and we'd, which it's hard to do, like ceramics do not break in ways that make sense.

Daddy Dee:

I've never even done that, dude. And I'm from Japan.

Chris:

it's, That's fun, man. But like there you're hitting the nail on the head I think one of the problems, in our pursuit of, of good mental health, of being able to be present, fully in a moment with the people that we love that are around us. One of the things that's so hard about that is the aspect of, we come from a very DIY centered culture. People that work in recording studios like we are and have always been MacGyvers, you know, we put shit together, we make it work when it, when it's not supposed to work and we find a way, we're no way existed. Just bec it's the nature of having so much technology in a room. Some of it's gonna break, and if you're good at your job, you're gonna find another way to do it without being like, oh, my thing broke, I can't work anymore. Or

Daddy Dee:

Theo v would say, it, that's, we just have the touch of the

Chris:

The touch of the, well, I got a little more than the touch, but, but the idea, idea of like, when it comes to DIY culture, DIY will only get you so far in the mental health world. you can do all the things you, you can read all the books, you, you can follow all the plans and take all the courses until you've really sort of sat down with somebody and told them things you've never told anybody else. it doesn't really start to work. You, you need another person in the room with you. And I think in of ways, like that's, for some reason that's how we were made is what it feels like to me. But after that, the most beautiful cons, Sugi is DIY. You know, you're putting your life together and you're making it work in a, in the most unique, most original, most you way, which is wild because that's what makes good music too, right? It's when you get somebody. I remember, you know, back in the day when I was full blast, the only thing I cared about in this world outside of my family was growing my mastering business. When I was in that space, the most satisfying projects were with the weirdos man. It was like when I didn't know what genre I was working on, I was like, this is peak mastering engineer right here.

Daddy Dee:

Dude, I get stoked on weirdos.

Chris:

Yeah, man, the weirdos are the best. And it's been cool'cause weirdos have gotten a whole lot cooler. You're seeing like people that are totally on the fringe. chapel Rone is a, is a weirdo, like she is saying some weird shit in her songs. It is pop music. Cool. And so I think as, as a to, to kind of bring this home, I think there is something beautiful and profound about trying to take your life and make Kintsugi out of it. And I think one of the ways, that you do that is you begin to collect tools. You collect all these different tools in your life. the most useful thing that we can do in a podcast episode is serve up these tools. We've got internalizing, we've got ruminating, we've got conclusion, and then I. As we end this I just wanna hear you talk about this word that you shared with us. Just give, give us a bite-sized nugget so that we can kind of move on from this episode with that in the back of our head and just sort of pondering that.

Daddy Dee:

Hanai is a state of being. When things are ephemeral, transient, fleeting, like a flower that wilts and dies, and when it wilts and dies, we feel sits and I sadness, but it's not a pure sadness that we regret that it ever blossomed. But it's a sadness and a joy that happened to begin with.

Chris:

Hmm.