East Coast Averages
Welcome to East Coast Averages: Celebrating Everyday Averages
Join Nicky J on East Coast Averages, the podcast that transforms ordinary lives into extraordinary stories. Each fortnight, we spotlight unsung heroes and everyday individuals who contribute to the vibrant tapestry of our communities. Discover the unique and inspiring stories of average people as we explore the rich diversity of experiences that shape our world. Tune in every other Friday for new episodes that reveal the remarkable within the everyday.
East Coast Averages
Ian, He Makes You Laugh 60% of the Time Every time.
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Dive into Sharp Wit and Dark Humor with Ian: From Basketball Passion to Dad Life
Join us for an episode filled with sharp wit and dark humor as Ian brings his unique and edgy sense of humor to the conversation. Known for his quick comebacks and pungent remarks, Ian’s engaging storytelling and candid insights make for a captivating listen. Discover how his passion for basketball evolved into the life of a dedicated basketball dad. Plus, find out why you should never offer him $50—his velcro wallet just won’t hold it!
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Welcome to East Coast Averages, the podcast that brings you stories from everyday people from all around the world, Recorded on the east coast of Australia. I'm your host, Nick, and each week we'll sit down with average people who have unique stories to tell. Let's peek over the back fence and see what's happening in other people's lives. I never know what I'm going to discover until I sit down and start chatting to them. Welcome back to East Coast Savages. I'm your host, Nick, and today we're talking to a guy I haven't seen for about two years. I reckon I've seen him in the street and I crossed to the other side when I see him coming. I saw him the other day in Springwood walking down the street and I saw him and I thought do I really want to get him on the podcast the way he's walking down the street like that.
Speaker 1But anyway, here he is. Ian, how are you going Welcome?
Speaker 2How are you man?
Speaker 1I'm very well, thank you. It's been a while since we've sat down and had a chat. It has Probably about two years.
Speaker 2That's been two years. Probably a good idea to cross the street while I'm walking down the street.
Speaker 1Yeah, well, I actually saw you walking down in Springwood and I thought you had this coat. I don't even fucking, it might not even have been you, okay, so you crossed the street for someone else Because I fucking saw I don't know you didn't look too happy, you fucking had this shopping bag. Okay, so it might not have. I don't think it was you, because that dude was a bit fatter than you're. Looking at you now, okay, good.
Speaker 2Yeah, so Good to have him put on any weight Shopping bag. That's odd. Did I have a dog? Because I used to go to spring with a dog?
Speaker 1No, you didn't have a dog. Did you get another dog, did you? I have?
Speaker 2another dog.
Speaker 1That's a whole conversation there for another dog. Well, what sort of dog is?
Speaker 2That's a good question he's not very smart with the road, are we still? It's too soon. It's too soon. We don't fucking talk about it. Well, she's not listening to this.
Speaker 1Yeah, we'll fucking tell her she can't listen to the first five minutes. First five minutes, yeah, okay. Good so you're from the mountains, born and bred, not born, not born.
Speaker 2I't you tell Jesus.
Speaker 1Born in Manly, manly.
Speaker 2Manly. Yeah Fuck, before it closed down Born in Manly, you've got a fucking Bondi chest for someone who's. Manly, I know. Thank you very much, I know.
Speaker 1That means a long way from Manly for those people listening on the other side of the planet.
Speaker 2I've had a few listens from. America, from America In about three weeks.
Speaker 1I'm going to Hawaii in October. Okay. I'm going to Hawaii too, but it'll be July. Is that bad? Is it in Hawaii? No, it's fine. Where are you going to the States?
Speaker 2Okay, so we're going to LA Doing Disneyland.
Speaker 1Give us the fucking, abridged fucking version, the abridged version.
Speaker 2So you're doing Disneyland On Disneyland, disneyland Universal Studios, buffalo, to meet some friends that we met in Europe in the Contiki 20 years ago, oh yeah. New York City, because once we're over the East Coast, you might as well.
Speaker 1Go there. Next, I'd love to go to New York City. Yeah, I'd love to go to New.
Speaker 2York City because I want to go to the Intrepid Museum, which I missed last time.
Speaker 1What's the Intrepid? It's the aircraft carrier with on the on the yeah, that's right, you're a bit of a military buff, a little bit of a buff, but I'm pretty buff.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm front man, so uh basically I've always wanted to go there, so I have to go back for that economy class business, uh economy, economy plus, uh, not even that. If times times are, Times are tough and inflation is here.
Speaker 1I'm paying. I paid an extra 90 bucks per seat to sit in the fucking door aisle, so no one's in front of me. Yeah, where are you sleeping? Yeah, I'll be fucking. If it fucking gives way, I'll be coming in fucking hot in Hawaii. Believe it or not, I'm walking. I'm burning up.
Speaker 2Yeah, I've always thought about. That Changes your tune. Thanks, Boeing.
Speaker 1Yeah, well, I think it's a Boeing aircraft we're on anyway, yeah, we're on Airbus and Boeing. So I said goodbye to everyone.
Speaker 2I told everyone before I left work they could have my locker and to basically wipe my user history on my computer. That's what they're going to do if I don't come back.
Speaker 1Do you have anyone at your work that's got a draw that says, if I die, throw this one overboard. Buried at sea. So, anyway, you're from the Blue. No, you're from when did you?
Speaker 2I moved as a baby.
Speaker 1You're a baby.
Speaker 2So you're not really from Northern Sydney. No, I was only born there, I was just born there.
Speaker 1We'll pass them by. Pass them through, yeah, and then Blue Mountains forever school, all the schools, and left briefly.
Speaker 2Came back now. Where'd you go?
Speaker 1I lived in suverland no, I was living in someone for a while, someone's good god's man, we fucking passed each other fucking in the street. We probably passed each other street in southern. We passed each other in at the hospital. Yeah, fucking yeah, all the time, and you probably crossed the road you know you were saying your mum's was in the same water as mine was in. I actually saw you a couple of times. I just fucked up around the other.
Speaker 2I thought what's that? What's that fucking shadow?
Speaker 1what's that air? I don't know. He smells familiar. I know that, I know that butt, I know that fucking pungent, fucking odour musty.
Speaker 2It's illegal in three states. I promise it, it's illegal in three states. It works 60% of the time. You know what I mean? Oh, fucking.
Speaker 1Ooh, pungent. Yeah, that's a good show that it is. It's very funny. I like watching the TikToks. Yes, I think my favourite part's the song they sing Sky Rockets in flight. Yes, yeah and go boo.
Speaker 2And also the brawl yeah, yeah, yeah, I killed a guy. I killed a guy with a truck.
Speaker 1I saw that is that the same movie where he says I had rivers of ejaculation, pompeii, pompeii, yes? Have you seen the other one where he's sitting at the dining room table and says you won't be happy, dad, I've been doing some things to your daughter.
Speaker 2I don't know how no one else laughed while he was doing that and how you can come up with that and sit there and let an actor do that.
Speaker 1He looks like he's ad-libbing too. Yes, and it's just coming flowing out of him. I'd be gone. I've done things. I'm not going to like it. I'm going to not like it.
Speaker 2That's the best I'd be gone You'd have to edit me out and then CGI me back in, or or like straight faced yeah because you couldn't sit there and fucking listen to that.
Speaker 1No, as it's coming out and also knowing that it was ad libbed. See, I did a bit of a recording last night that I fucking thought was hilarious, but Kez reckons it's not funny at all Not funny yeah. So I'll play it to you after we finish.
Speaker 2I thought it was fucking, I'll judge it. I thought it was fucking, I'll critique it.
Life After School
Speaker 1I was absolutely dying of fucking laughter Unbelievable. That stops. So you went to school in fucking the Blue Mountains. Correct Yep Year 12?.
Speaker 2Yep, I did finish year 12, believe it or not, yeah, went to uni.
Speaker 1How was school? Was school fun?
Speaker 2Yeah, high school was good. Now, looking back, do you know, when they always say it's your best years, but you don't appreciate it at the time, is that what you think?
Speaker 1I do. Yeah, Fuck, I disagree. I fucking hated school.
Speaker 2At the time I did hate the academic part of it yeah. I was crap at that and I wasn't mature enough to do enough study to actually get a good mark. That was the problem. But in relation to just playing four-unit basketball for year 12, not bad.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you spent most of your time just in the basketball court.
Speaker 2Basketball court not very good, but just throwing-.
Speaker 1Do you still play basketball now? No, why don't we see you playing in the fucking seniors comp or something?
Speaker 2Probably because my knees would fall out. But no, I don't play basketball now and I'm having girls. I'm a netball family.
Speaker 1It's been Fucking hell.
Speaker 2I've been netball. We're trying to play basketball this summer because it's cheap at Blacksand and we have some friends playing.
Speaker 1But apart from that, historically Knowing you back then, you were a fucking massive basketball fan and I always chuckle when I see something come up on Facebook that your kids are in netball Fucking close. I just think that poor bastard's got a fucking house full of netballs and all he wants is a basketball. I know.
Speaker 2I've been converted. It's not a bad sport, it's not too bad. No, not at all. It's actually quite talented. Like, the skill level and the speed of the game is actually really good. Yep, it just hasn't got the traction that basketball. Basketball is always going to be a better sport, but I get quite involved.
Speaker 1Would you take your family to watch them play live? Yes, we've been down quite a few times.
Speaker 2We usually get cheap or free tickets for the Swifts or something like that and we go down and that level again is pretty good. You quite enjoy it. It's pretty good once you get into it. Anything that's competition. They get down, they shoot, have a fucking. What is happening, mate? I'm not me anymore.
Speaker 1What the fuck you've gone? Where's my fucking mate?
Speaker 2Ian, we're going to have to get this tattoo removed.
Speaker 1I know it's terrible. If you could look at me, I've got a tattoo that said R-A-N in it and over the years it's faded and I always tell Ian that it now says Ian for him it does, and the one on the other side looks like the bell end, as the English people like to put it. It looks like the bell end. I tell him it's on the other side, for him as well.
Speaker 2That would take about a 12 or 14 French gauge.
Speaker 1But anyway. So you're a fucking netballer, netball family yep. So I'll go to both my kids play basketball and I would mow a cricket pitch into my backyard and I'd be out there fucking why, why? So I've got a fucking $3,000 basketball fucking hoop out the back there and all I want is a fucking cricket net with a bowling machine that I can go out there with. But neither of them Not interested no not interested at all.
Speaker 1And the problem with basketball. I've been to a few live shows. They don't fucking shut up when you're playing the game, like dead set the announcer, it's like shut the fuck up. I'm trying to watch the game man. Okay. Does anyone actually want the Olympics anymore?
Speaker 2I don't think so, but anyway, there's break dancing and various other things in the Olympics. So I think yeah, it's fucking surfing Golf, correct Tennis.
Speaker 1Like, for fuck's sake, man, Olympics is fucking track and field, fucking swimming, fucking weightlifting yeah, the classics.
Speaker 2Cycling. And that's about it, chuck, a fucking spear Spear chucking Javelin. Well they're put was just bored people at artillery room and just going-.
Speaker 1Oh, how fucking you throw a fucking I reckon I can throw that.
Speaker 2That's how it started, like I reckon I can throw that further than you Just bored one day on a mountain and then they went. Okay, let's find out. And then it was a lipping sport Put a fucking put a chain on it and I'll fucking swing it around. That's how I difference for it.
Speaker 1I wonder how many old Romans got a fucking shot put to the head accidentally like with a ball and how many people died probably trying to change the rules and stuff like that? Because it would have turned into a. Someone will dig someone up in England and they'll go fuck. He's been hit by in his fucking head and it's got a fucking chain. Nah, it was the Olympics mate. He was the judge. Yeah, he was the judge.
Speaker 2He said it was a foul Wars have started because of that reason. It's it, I'm patting your dog.
Speaker 1Yeah, the dog Usually kick her outside when we're doing the podcast recording. She's warming my left foot.
Speaker 2Is she?
Speaker 1She's sitting, he sleeps on my bed, which is fucking a whole other story. I've given up.
Speaker 2That's all right. Yeah, we fared with our little dog too. He sleeps up there.
Speaker 1Yeah, king Charles. It sounds like you've got royalty mate. He is. Yeah, king Charles the Cavalier.
Speaker 2He's a cavalier, he comes in and he's got full rights to all parts of the house. And what did you pay for him? $8,000? It's all right. Yeah, it was a rescue. So, oh, your dog's biting me. Is it humping the foot? No, it's now biting the foot. She's back, no, no. So we had some friends who were unable to look after it. Unfortunately, their children became allergic to dogs, oh to dogs.
Speaker 2Yeah, just suddenly became allergic to dogs so they had some health problems, so they needed to get rid of that too. They had two. It was for breeding. They had good pedigreed dogs ready for breeding.
Speaker 1Ready to go?
Speaker 2He chopped his balls off. We immediately neutered him.
Speaker 1He took his nuts and he's gone.
Speaker 2He's still looking for them now. Well, he's joining a netball family.
Speaker 1He had to go. So he's come in. So where were we? School School, yeah, you liked it Basketball. Yep left school uni. Uh, yep went to uni at hawksbury.
Speaker 2Hawksbury, uws, yep, hawksbury.
Speaker 1When it was used to be hawksbury ag back in the day, yes, still was when I was there, but when my wife went there, went there as well. She went there years ago yeah, she's a what are they called?
Speaker 2an alumni? Yeah, they send you letters trying to get money, but I never want to go back to that university.
Speaker 1Yeah, I still get, still get um emails from central queensland uni, where I did a course, and they're alumni or whatever.
Speaker 2It kind of reminds me of something of the States. We kind of don't get involved. I went there, studied and went home.
Speaker 1It's a bit bigger over in the States, all that kind of shit. Yeah, I agree, but I think you're paying. So did you pass your uni course? I did.
Speaker 2Yeah, so from there went straight off to the cops To the police. Well, from there went straight off to the cops. Nissel Falls Police To the police.
Speaker 1Well, let me tell you you need to listen to the podcast that's called Max and Me, the Defect, because we have got an hour conversation about high-over-trial but we won't go into, but I'll tell everyone who's listening. Go and have a listen to it. It's pretty funny. Okay, the Defect, the Defect. So you for too long.
Speaker 2Three years. Did three years there, Yep. So yeah, I did most of the time in the cross, which is where they sent me. I did my probation there and, yeah, did no GDs and ended up in, I think, basically target action group position in there. Did quite a lot of very interesting things in the three years which you can't talk about. Not all of them, no.
Speaker 1Not all of them.
Drinking Culture in Uni and Police
Speaker 2But it was a good time, eye-opening, coming from the mountains going to the cross, I found it interesting on the point of consolidating kind of what I'd learned At uni. At uni, which I would suggest is very left-wing.
Speaker 1So you reckon uni is a left-wing, incredibly left-wing, yeah.
Speaker 2Not wrong, just left-wing it was just a good dissenter some of the stuff and what what the problems were.
Speaker 1So did you feel in the coppers that three years you were chasing your tail and trying to fix problems or they didn't let you fix the problems?
Speaker 2We weren't. Yeah, the problems couldn't be fixed. They were big problems. We did little individual things and that was fine. But yeah, some of the problems are there for society. We're always going to be doing it yeah yeah, Anything to do with the justice system. I think that's an oxymoron. I think people would go through it and say that there's no justice in the world, only the law. Yeah, and the law is unjust. Yes, correct, yeah, is that from?
Speaker 1fucking philosophical course, mate. That's not bad.
Speaker 2We could fucking spend an hour discussing it.
Speaker 1I wish I had that Go back. Quote that Quote. That it's my evidence. It's not fair, mate, it's only the fucking law, and I am the law.
Speaker 2I am the law. So yeah, that was that was. Yeah, it was interesting, it was fun. I was young, similar to you when you're in the in the military yeah, you're young, you do it. It was good, great experience. Got it on my resume, glad I've done it, yep, but I believe I got out for the right reasons and Do the 15, 20 years that. I was told. I don't know if people do that anymore. I don't think they do. The career is-. Look how hard.
Speaker 1It is for them to fucking get people in. Well, they're paying for it.
Speaker 2The last class just came through, they were paying, and the change in society, change in workplaces, stuff like that, change of cultures, all that sort of stuff. So again, I don't know the answers to that one, but the is no longer a thing. Yeah, they are career police officers.
Speaker 1So you left the police force and you joined the secret society you joined the government service we don't talk about on my podcast we don't.
Speaker 2The secret society yes, I joined that. Obviously, this is where we met. You didn't cross the road this time. No, we didn't cross the road Probably because you couldn't.
Speaker 1In fact, I pulled out fucking 50 bucks and said here's 50 bucks. And said here's 50 bucks, mate, correct. I said you said While I was parking, that's right, you were fucking like. We won't say where we ran into each other or how we ran into each other, but anyway, I see this fucking, this dude that I'd only known for Days, weeks, maybe days, and anyway I see him. He's in a fucking panic state in a car park and he says mate, fucking, here you go, 50 bucks.
Speaker 2Well, I can do that. I think I can say the circumstances for it. Well, my wife had just delivered twins, yeah, twins, early, early yep, as twins, all twins fucking come.
Speaker 1And now let's get sidetracked here. Ever since, this man fathered twins. Naturally, all you fucking hear is how good his fucking spunk is oh yeah, and it's the same across if a bloke, if a bloke's father, twins. Oh yeah, I've had fucking twins. I'm so fucking fertile. I've fucking impregnated my wife twice with one fucking splooge and women oh, I've had twins. Oh, you fucking have one baby on the boob. I had two babies on the fucking, both boobs none of them have so well.
Speaker 2I sense a bit of jealousy here with someone who's not a I don't have super splooge. Someone who's not a member of the Multiple Birth Association which is the other secret society?
Speaker 1Tell me, it's not true, bud. So your wife gave birth early and you had no money in the car park. We had nothing.
Speaker 2I didn't even have my wallet on me and I fucking and you came to the rescue.
Speaker 1I've been to Top Lake man Fucking pineapple and said here, man, take that. I thought this man's rich, you mean?
Speaker 2I'll set the scene a little bit. You opened up your wallet Dancer dollars just fell out to start with. I was like, well, add a couple of frangers. I was like, what's that?
Speaker 1A little bit of MDMA.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah I was like what is all this that's coming out? And then you did. You did offer me 50 bucks and no, I didn't, no, no, I don't think I had to change.
Speaker 1I needed about five bucks.
Speaker 2I just needed some change.
Speaker 1I didn't even fucking change it. I should have gone and bought some more.
Speaker 2I don't think there was anyone.
Speaker 1It was late at night. Yeah, I don't know why I was hanging around there late at night. We weren't going there.
Speaker 2Anyway, but yeah, I was without wallet.
Speaker 1I may or may not have had going on the house I don't even know it was locked.
Speaker 2He might have been bent over looking for cigarettes. Yeah, so that's good. I forgot about that. That was good. Thank you very much. I haven't forgotten, apparently not because I haven't slept since then, so I don't know bloody kids.
Speaker 1So now it's like 15 years ago or something, wasn't it?
Speaker 2yeah, it would be the girls are now 14, so yeah, bloody hell. So that's it.
Speaker 1Uni. That was fun, like the uni days.
Speaker 2Not what you would see from when you see TVs like movies for the states.
Speaker 1A lot of mates drinking and carrying on.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, there was a lot of drinking, but no, uni wasn't very social. That was a work commitment. You did your-.
Speaker 1So you did that.
Speaker 2You were doing that uni degree purely to get into the coppers back then because they sort of started to go, yeah. So yeah, look, yeah, I was looking at criminal investigation or something along those lines. So that was what I was looking at, not necessarily, you know, gd policing, but something along those lines. But yeah, no, just went there, did that. There was no real social life or anything within the uni, in the university stuff, but obviously you have your friends and stuff, but yeah, lots of drinking lots of fun.
Speaker 2Good time. I think everyone has a good time around that age group you recover from hangovers good.
Speaker 1It doesn't really matter where you are, whether you're an apprentice, you're in the military, you're at uni. That age 18 to 21, 22, 23, it's a wild fucking ride. You drink too much, Always drink too much and look sometimes you look back and think, fuck, I don't even know how I survived that.
Speaker 2No, no, like I'd wake up in places that you didn't know. Some of the shit that I did Alcohol, poisoning Some of the shit I did in that age group Literally shit when I was in the Navy, I fucking did the drinking man.
Speaker 1It was just like, yeah, it's next level. Yeah, and I wasn't even a big drinker, no, nor was I. I didn't drink a lot, like I wouldn't get into a shout. Ten blokes would get into a shout and I'd have the first shout. So I'd buy the first ten and I was gone by the time we hit four or five schooners. I was fucking gone. You did, yeah, but they just fucking. They just put their heads down and fucking powered through it. The career skewy drinkers.
Speaker 2Oh, that was similar to the police Big drinking culture there. It used to be good Big social stuff but it was all good. You could start getting good, but you recover from it and you survive. You might wake up with an extra friendly possum on you at one point in time, and various other weird, strange things and weird things in your pockets.
Speaker 1A bit of vomit on your shoe or something. A little bit of missing. Some things Might be. There might be some wee in the wardrobe. Yeah, because you went to the wrong room to fill the toilet.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, some funny things.
Speaker 1I'm just thinking of some strange things that I've done. It's quite funny.
Speaker 2Well, come on then let's hear them All right. Probably the worst thing was probably when I was in another country, so we were on a Contiki tour, so it was just drinking, drinking, drinking. I think we were at altitude that might have not helped.
Speaker 1You're a bit hypoxic.
Speaker 2I believe I might have been, I don't know. All I remember is going to bed pretty intoxicated. The next minute I wake up, I'm just in my boxer shorts and I'm trapped in somewhere in the hotel room Like don't know what room, Maybe like a lobby or something like that. All the doors are locked. I'm getting a bit panicked and it's cold, Super duper cold.
Speaker 1Is that your phone there, Ian? Have you never been on a podcast, man? That's it. No, that's all right. You can answer that if you like.
Speaker 2No, that's all right. It's probably spam.
Speaker 1I could edit that out, but this is a pretty raw broadcast. This is a pretty raw podcast, so I like to keep the stuff in Anyway.
Speaker 2Yeah anyway, so I'm semi-naked. It's freezing cold, it's the middle of the night, I don't know where I am what country are you in?
Speaker 2It was Switzerland. Yep, that's fucking cold, yeah. So I don't know how I've made it wherever I am inside the hotel room or wherever I am, but there's like armor, like as in, like medieval armor, like things on the walls and stuff like that, like shields and and and all the stuff. So, anyway, I end up acquiring one of the bits of weaponry to jimmy, so I use this to open it up. Then I've come across some girls who were on our tour it was.
Speaker 1They were from inglewood LA.
Wildlife Encounters and Vegan Dilemmas
Speaker 2Inglewood, so I find them there outside, so they weren't in the hotel, so they were trapped outside. So like I don't know, maybe I heard them knocking, I don't know but-.
Speaker 1That might have woke you up or something. Yeah, potentially. So this was a hotel you were trying to get back into.
Speaker 2Yeah, I came a long way, like I was got down to the ground floor. Did you get back to your room? They took me back and knocked on the door and then, yeah, my girlfriend then opened the door and went what are you doing outside?
Speaker 1Where have you been, mate, and I'm like why have you? Got like a weapon. And why is there a 50 cent piece in your bum With a note saying keep the change?
Speaker 2It's the weirdest thing because I have no memory of it, I just have-. My only memory of it is just like waking up, standing up, just lost. What's the last thing you remember before that happened? Getting home. So I do remember getting home from the club, out the front, and I know around what time that was, and then this was hours and hours later.
Speaker 1I remember going to a party when I was in the Navy and I remember walking out on the veranda and I was speaking to two girls and they poured me a drink and I remember sculling that drink. It was a cup of something, I think it was vodka. I don't remember another thing. All I know is is that the next day at work the guys whose party it was weren't fucking happy with me because apparently I was being a bit of a knob.
Speaker 2You don't remember and I don't remember. But the funny thing is I wasn't being a bit of a knob. You don't remember and I don't remember.
Speaker 1But the funny thing is I get really bad hangovers. I wake up that morning. I did not have a single fucking hangover, so I don't know if someone slipped me a mickey, Couldn't remember a thing. I just wake up on the couch looking no one's there and I'm thinking that's weird. I don't know what I've done and the only thing I remember is that they wouldn't let me go into the city with them at like 2 am. That's the only memory I have of the night, and the next day the dude wouldn't talk to me. I said what's going on? He said, fuck you, you were a complete knob last night and I don't know what I did. Did they ever tell you? Never told me I. I didn't get punched or anything, but yeah.
Speaker 2Like the OG escape room.
Speaker 1So I wonder what would have happened if you didn't wake up.
Speaker 2I would have just gone. Yeah, I would have just gone, but a couple of other people got hit in the same the friends that we were with. He woke up on the balcony and again he was upstairs. Maybe someone slipped you something. I'd say altitude I think it was the altitude Plus.
Speaker 1I reckon that in planes, if you drink in planes, you get more pissed. That's my guess.
Speaker 2He woke up naked. Fortunately I was still dressed, so I went wandering. He just went out of the room, went onto the balcony and it was like Switzerland weather it was cold.
Speaker 1So that makes you wonder why, like everyone in Australia gets pissed at that, and like you can fall asleep in the front garden in Australia Even in winter, you're probably going to survive. In the city You're going to get a chill. Maybe in the Blue Mountains you might. You've got a good chance to get hypothermia.
Speaker 2Well, it was explained to me once by a search and rescue person that in Australia our search and rescue nothing can eat. You basically rescue you, nothing can eat.
Speaker 1You basically yeah, true, and you probably won't freeze to death, which is the two things in the northern hemisphere which are very true. Yeah, it can happen quickly.
Speaker 2So the first two things. Okay, yes, this crocodile's a bit further up, but rare.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, that's about it, and most people, if they're lost in the northern territory, would probably have the foresight to stay away from the fucking river. Probably don't sleep the swamp Nibbilla bong. Yeah, you probably want to climb the tree and fucking stay out of the water. Yeah, yeah, exactly, you're going to get eaten.
Speaker 2Right on the beach Not a good idea. I've seen Crocodile Dundee, I know what happens.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2And that was really a good point. You go yeah, you're right, You're probably not going to freeze to death, unless you're wet around here. So you go. Wow, there's two critical factors that have been removed.
Speaker 1You could get bitten by a funnel web or a snake, but that's fucking highly unlikely as well. It doesn't eat you, yeah.
Speaker 2I found two this season Funnel webs, two male funnel webs Yep, it was basically the most venomous spider in the world.
Speaker 1Where did you find them?
Speaker 2One was on the deck alive. I just flicked that into the backyard, flicked that into the backyard, so he didn't like take it out.
Speaker 1Is it illegal to kill a funnel web? I would say so.
Speaker 2Like snakes. I imagine it's a native animal. I wasn't sure, yeah, I mean, I guess you're justified if you do.
Speaker 1Yeah, so you just flicked it. Oh yeah, you flicked it onto his wife's head accidentally. So whoops, hey, watch out kids and they'll play with it.
Speaker 2And I found a dead one just down the side of the house. But we have another two live ones. I know their nests are up. I'll just stay away from them. But the redbelly lives near there too. So, we have a redbelly at the front, so I let him or her be.
Speaker 1Because if they go, a brown might take the spot. Well, they reckon that redbellies keep brown snakes away. Correct, talk about a little. I found this is fucking pretty. This is funny and sad at the same time. My fucking cat or me dog. Now the dog had one, a native fucking mouse, right, oh yeah, so we're chasing the fucking the dog up and down the veranda. We get the fucking mouse, we get the dog.
Speaker 2We let the mouse go.
Speaker 1It's fucking running down the veranda. So it's done. I can taste the fucking mouse that we just spent 20 minutes chasing, trying to survive. So, the mouse is thinking I'm free, I'm fucking free. I'm back for dinner. This fucking bird comes in and just goes boop, I'm gone, mate.
Speaker 2I guess it saved it. It doesn't have to hunt another one, so it saved another one but that's terrible, but I don't think I could leave a snake in my front door.
Speaker 1No, like you do, yeah, but you'd have like a thousand fucking huntsmen in your place, wouldn't you? We have everything You'd turn the lights off at your place and I reckon there'd be a fucking million huntsmen. As long as it's not cockroaches, I don't care yeah see I can't do the huntsman and I reckon your house is-.
Speaker 2We've got some daddy long legs, yeah, those black ones. We call them Freddy. Oh, the black ones, yeah, but we have the huntsman's too that go around, and the wolf spiders, yeah, huntsman and wolf spiders, man, I reckon your house would be just yeah, there's a few, there's a few, but they only come out at night time, you see them wandering around, yeah, fuck. It's just.
Speaker 1I look at it as an ecosystem what? Eats funnel webs. I reckon if you want to get rid of spiders you get ducks or geese or something.
Speaker 2Yeah, I hear chickens do.
Speaker 1They love them. Yeah, and it's like eat them up, Do you have?
Speaker 2chooks? No, I don't have chooks, but I guess anything. Really. They're designed to basically kill mice and little things like that and they've got the toxins yeah, with similar toxins to what we have. So unfortunately it's really active on us. Yeah, and you think, like, would they get the antivenom from horses and equine?
Speaker 1Yeah, that leaves it at. That's the fuck it. I think that's. The interesting question for vegans out there in podcast land is that they actually make antivenom by putting the venom of the snake. I'm pretty sure funnel webs are done with rabbits, okay, I think I'm pretty sure funnel webs are done with rabbits. Okay, I think I'm not an expert, but I always wonder.
Speaker 2I know it's another animal, it's a puppy animal. Yeah, so they put it into the horse and they get the horses, but they make the vaccine.
Speaker 1So if you're a vegan and you're against animal testing and I'm open you can fucking believe in whatever you fucking believe. You do you bullet, you do you whatever you want. But if you're that fuck staunch vegan and you get bit by a brown snake, are you taking the antivenom or are you saying no, thank you, I'll try my luck, because that horse that was infected, that has no ill feelings like it doesn't even it doesn't it gets a fucking injection in its bum and it thinks three days later it gets blood taken out, doesn't give two fucks.
Speaker 1it's eating an apple, what it's? What's? Oh mozzie, get off me. Yeah, and so are you going to refuse the fucking-.
Speaker 2Yeah, I know, I don't know, I'd take it. I think there's-.
Speaker 1I'd fucking take it. I personally think there should be an exemption on that one. You get a hall pass on that one.
Speaker 2I'd be a massive hypocrite. I say a whole pass for me, that one.
Speaker 1I reckon it's a brown snake You're going to have horrible, horrible side effects, including death. You're taking the-. I'm taking the venom. You're taking the venom.
Speaker 2And I wouldn't judge any vegan who took it.
Speaker 1I might judge them afterwards. If I was friendly with them, I'd judge them, but if I didn't know them, I wouldn't judge them.
Speaker 2But if I knew, them.
Speaker 1They'd never If the end of it okay, yeah, it's between mates.
Speaker 2Yeah, okay, I think you will find a brown snake in your bed. That one, there might be some now. Yeah, hall, pass on that one. It's a brown snake. You know what is it? The second third most venomous snake in the world? Yeah, horrible, horrible venom in relation to what it does to us in our blood. Yeah, yeah, hall, pass full 100. You can have as much as you want.
Speaker 1You can have a beef burger after that so you um, you've left the secret society that you've left the government agency we don't talk about on the podcast society 18 and a half.
Speaker 2Oh, I think I was maybe six weeks, seven weeks short of 19 years. Yep, yep for the uh secret agency.
Speaker 1So yeah, the government the government agency. The government government agency yeah, yeah, so so we'll just gloss over the government agency. And yes, now I would have liked to have had fucking pod mics when we fucking spent some time together working for the agency.
Speaker 2It would have been good.
Speaker 1Fucking some of the conversations If anyone was listening.
Speaker 2They're in therapy now.
Speaker 1People say to me all the time, and I'll play that thing that I thought was funny, and they go where's your fucking head? Go, Nick, and I think Special place, ian knows exactly where my fucking head goes, because he goes there. I think he goes fucking there before mine gets there.
Speaker 2I'm a close second to fucking where my head goes. Ian's there Waiting for you. I'm here. What took?
Speaker 1you so long I've been here for there.
Speaker 2I show up Waiting for you. I'm here. What took you so long?
Speaker 1I've been here for ages. I've been sitting on the fucking street all day for fucking 10 minutes waiting for you.
Speaker 2I've been Forrest Gump at the bus stops waiting for you eating my chocolates. But yeah, welcome to the bottom. Can't really get better from that Dark. It is a dark place, but it's a happy place too.
Speaker 1It is a he's a happy place.
Speaker 2I think it's good when you can let go of all the chains and you speak in your mind and what you're feeling and you're not suppressing.
Speaker 1If you have that weird intrusive thought, you fucking let it out, it's being shared and I share them. And people look at me and they just fucking look at me stunned. I say what? That's not what you're thinking. And they go no, not at all. Where'd that come from? Of? Where did that come from? Of course not. And I sent that thing, I recorded, to a mate and he said that's friends, only man, that's fucking not going to happen. He's categorised it.
Speaker 2That's not going to happen.
Speaker 1He said, friends, only You're an odd bod.
Speaker 2Odd bod. I've known him 30 years. Every industry has it and all that stuff. We just get pushed along a little bit.
Speaker 1I mean it's good, you know what? I don't know any different. That's where my mind has gone my entire life. I've got very dark fucking humour. I'm very pragmatic about life and life events, yep, and I don't take offence to humour. Now I wouldn't go out and be mean to someone.
Speaker 2No, there was no malice in it. No, there's not, it's purely comedy and I would fight. Pure comedy, it's pure comedy. Comedy defence, I like it, but your honour, it was pure comedy.
Speaker 1You get fucking upset, fucking. That whole nation Hates Australia. Now I'm the Prime Minister of Australia. I'm upset. We're at war. It was comedy man.
Speaker 2It was pure comedy, pure fucking comedy. I didn't fucking mean it, okay.
Speaker 1I was just joking, just joking.
Speaker 2Relax, just joking, brian, fucking calm down. But yes, that's-.
Speaker 1I don't know what it's like to be anywhere else, yep, but you know what it's like to be there, because you're there before me, yep.
Speaker 2Have you always had that fucking I think I might have had some inkling for that way.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Casual Conversations and Dark Humor
Speaker 2Personality-wise and yeah, obviously sometimes the emergency services does help push you that way and they go there In the coppers. You've got to be dark. They have a very dark sense of humor and they're happy to do that. Again, it's part of a coping mechanism. I think it's about being honest with yourself. I think that's the most important thing, that people kind of gloss over that. I think if's the most important thing is that people kind of gloss over that. I think if you are having those thoughts and you're having stuff, it's good to let it out, because your shared thought, a shared feeling, is what that is. Yeah, and I think it's important for that, for people who don't, because everybody has those bizarre thoughts at times. I reckon everyone does. They just manage it differently. We were in an environment where it was allowed to be out and I think it's healthy where it was allowed to be out and I think it's healthy.
Speaker 1And if you're on peers a lot of them, yeah, I think some people would disagree.
Speaker 2People think, like you and I do, of being discriminated against. But you've got to pick your audience, you've got to pick your friends, you've got to pick.
Speaker 1There's a situation and I think that is a little bit lost and I think that comes with maturity of knowing when to Correct, have that particular conversation or joke and when not to Exactly right.
Speaker 2So yeah, that's the problem there. But, as I emphasised, none of it's ever about malice, and if it is causing malice, then you have to own that.
Speaker 1And apologise.
Speaker 2Correct, and there's no problems with that either, but none of it is. I've never seen any. It's never been my motivation to hurt anyone.
Speaker 1Yeah, and I'm the same, and I guess that's why I don't fully understand where people who don't get it. I think maybe they look at you and think, oh, that's mean. And I think, oh, I've got a fucking mean bone in me body. No, Like I fucking popped out 50 bucks, or like I didn't know fucking straight away, mate, some dance adults.
Speaker 2Yeah, didn't help.
Speaker 1On a pole at the time and covered in glitter. But I thought, oh fuck it.
Speaker 2I'm giving him a 50. But you know what I mean.
Speaker 1Like you said, it's never, and I think if someone overheard that conversation and looked at it and thought, oh fuck man, you've been a knob, I think if they got to know you they'd realise that you're not that nasty. In fact, you're probably quite the opposite.
Speaker 2Yep, correct. I mean it's your own and things have changed and you have to adapt as well. So I understand that, but funny enough after some time, I think they generally go down that street.
Speaker 1That's the way. Just give it time. Most people find it funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2It goes down, you're just not there yet.
Speaker 1You'll get there. You'll get there, keep coming down. And they will, and I, so you've always thought you've had a dark sense of humor.
Speaker 2Yeah, I think I've always gone that way. I think it's funny.
Speaker 1I think it's good to have a bit of wit be the first one to let something in or do some correlation between something or something else that's what I've got to say about that. That's what I'm saying. That's what I've got to say about that.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's what I've got to say about that. Back to being-.
Speaker 1Of course, even the conversation we're having here. If we're not recording, our level of darkness goes down Probably even too much for a podcast.
Speaker 2Potentially yeah, Potentially fucking game. I know all the laws and regulations about that. I don't have defamation insurance at all.
Speaker 1And I changed my fucking house into my wife's name before.
Speaker 2I started the podcast. Oh, you did. So come at me, because I've got no money.
Speaker 1Three-fifs of fuck all hey, uh, we're coming up to about halfway through the podcast. Sure, I always need to wee when we're doing a podcast, so do I, and I need to. I need to go and check on the bloke doing some work in my garage. Done, all right, we're back with ian. We had a bit of a break. I had a guy doing some work in my garage. He's putting some tinted windows on the old lady car that I drive. We won't go into the car because I don't want people to start following me around going hey, that's fucking Nicky J from the East Coast Average. We won't say who comes on the TV, but you know a particular person would come on the TV and you always say what's his name. I cannot fucking watch the TV Every single time. For the last I don't know 10 years, I see this person come on the TV. I look at my wife and say what's his name. And the amount of people that look at me and go there's that dark humor yeah.
Speaker 1And I say, yeah, it looks like. I wonder what that grandfather's name is.
Speaker 2I may have transferred that to another organization and used that only a couple of years ago.
Speaker 1I can say it's 100%. I'll use that line watching tv.
Speaker 2So many fucking times it'll be.
Speaker 1What's wonder what her name is that other joke that you had to um always like a political.
Speaker 2We had a fucking joke and whenever you said it, you'd have to go.
Speaker 1You're written, written and um fucking spoken by fucking.
Speaker 2You have to acknowledge Authorised by. Authorised by fucking. Authorised by Ian. Fucking spoken by Nicky J.
Speaker 1Nicky J services Anyway so one of the guys that my son's TAFE thought it was odd that his father had Snapchat. So he sent a Snapchat to me and it said Nicky J, yup, yup. So I just fucking all my son's mates call me Nicky J, Nicky J.
Speaker 2Oh looks all right. So I just fucking all my son's mates call me Nicky J. Nicky J, oh looks all right, so I won't say Still sounds hot. Sorry, I'm a pretty good looking chick, aren't I? You're doing it right. Yeah, I wish you didn't cross the road every time.
Speaker 1We'll kind of get rid of this facial hair. I'll be fine, mate. So where was I? Anyway, my car's got done, we had a break, we came back. I paid the dude for doing Tinder windows, did a pretty good job. Looks all right, looks good, looks hot. You were thinking fucking that's I might do it.
Speaker 2You might do that to your car. I might do it on the 4B. Do it on the 4B. No one can see me.
Speaker 1With the fucking press button.
Speaker 2I can't go back.
Speaker 1I can't go back car around and it's got one of those push handbrakes. Oh, I don't like them, and now I'm driving around in the fucking other car that doesn't have one. I'm pushing the dashboard where it used to be every time you don't like them.
Speaker 2No, I get a bit confused with that. All the automatic ones, I don't like them, I don't trust them. Oh, you put them in park, one starting with an R A-M.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, wonderful vehicle, not a sponsor, shout out Could be. If you wanted to be, you could have them. Feel free, send me an email at eastcaseaverages at gmailcom and I'll send you my address. You can send me one.
Speaker 2Send me one to test it out. I'll test it for you. We'll get to do it. But yeah, this had a really weird park break and we just never got used to it. It was really really bad.
Speaker 1You didn't trust the technology, not at all. So I think we haven't really spoken about it, have we? We sort of brushed over it and gone on a lot of tangents Not with my conversations. Ever, never happened. No, it never fucking happens, can't get.
Speaker 2A to B. You have to go for it the rest of the hour, so where have we been?
Speaker 1We've been to uni. We've been to school, been to school, yeah, you went to uni and did policing Pole, pole, pole, pole, yep and then you joined the secret society. I joined the secret society, the government agency that we don't speak about.
Speaker 2We don't speak about.
Speaker 1I'm enjoying that your kids are crazy netballers and you drive past basketball courts yearning, I reckon this summer I think we're yearning.
Speaker 2I think I can get in. The skills are transferable.
Speaker 1And how long are you going to the States? For Three weeks, so you're flying to.
Speaker 2LA. Flying to LA, we had to cut it short because we've got a state network.
Speaker 1Oh my God, three-day state network, fucking hell.
Speaker 2They're playing at a top level, so good on them, so yeah. I didn't want to do it. I was like, let's get out of here, let so we had to cut a week off it. No, that's not too bad, it's all right, yeah, so off to go both sides of the States, visit some things that I missed last time.
Speaker 1Are you going?
Speaker 2to hire a car when you're there.
Speaker 1Driving in New York and driving in LA. I wouldn't bother New York. Yeah, I probably wouldn't. No, maybe in Buffalo because it's not too busy. Is that where your friends are, buffalo? Yeah, up in that way yeah, so probably not.
Speaker 2We'll see how it goes. But to be honest, driving on the right is not something I'm that excited about.
Speaker 1Yeah. I have driven over there just, but within a really sheltered area, you know I've driven in a car with Didn't enjoy it Like we've got just for all the international listeners to this highly regarded podcast, East Coast Averages by Nicky J. I'm your host. I've driven a car that was left-hand drive and you know what really fucking shocked me is that the accelerator is the same foot on a left-hand drive, Like your right foot is still the accelerator, but it's on the inside of the car.
Speaker 2Oh, yes, and.
Speaker 1I sat in the left-hand drive and I thought that's fucking weird eh. Because I was expecting for the accelerator to be where our clutch is in Australia.
Speaker 2That's the sort of thing I was worried to do.
Speaker 1You'd be hitting the accelerator fucking jam. It'd be all over the place, of course, if you left foot brake. I left foot brake fairly regularly, driving automatics for hill starts and that. But if you're used to driving a manual, you pop that fucking clutch in and you forget that you're driving an automatic. And you left foot fucking brakes with your fucking clutch leg and you're fucking like daydreaming, you can come to quite an abrupt fucking stop, whoops.
Speaker 2Well, I was like that, yeah, there's too many moving parts, and I thought I didn't realize about the pedals.
Speaker 1Yeah, and actually the pedals are the same and that's what I got in the car and I thought-.
Speaker 2Because it's so instinctual how fucking strange is that the pedals are actually just moved straight across and I always thought well, you just kind of keep the center of the road to your side when you're driving.
Speaker 1Well, I'm going to Hawaii and my I'd rather my brother drive, because then I can sit in the back and look at the scenery.
Speaker 2I don't want to be fucking worried about where you're staying, just Waikiki, yeah, what hotel are you staying in? I can't remember off the top of my head.
Speaker 1I'm staying in the same hotel, my brother and sister are staying in, but they're staying in an ocean view room, righto, and I said, now my sister and brother can turn this off. I said to my sister and brother that I would stay in the same room, but I said to Kez I said fuck it, we're never going to Hawaii again, I'm staying in an oceanfront room. So I paid for this really nice fucking room.
Speaker 2And I'm just going to tell my brother and sister that we got upgraded because we'll be in a different part of the hotel. Oh nice, I'm just going to say, oh no, we just got to.
Speaker 1Because we're getting there a couple of days early, I'm going to say, well, we just got upgraded.
Speaker 2I'm not sure how we got this room. Yeah, I said I was Nicky J. I said I'm Nicky J from East Coast.
Speaker 1You got a red carpet, too, and a basket of fruit.
Speaker 2They said who are those people out there? The Paps, they're me mates, you can get a red Ferrari.
Speaker 1What's that big fucking RAM?
Speaker 2car you're driving. Is that free? Yeah, I've got an email.
Speaker 1In each case, it's at gmailcom saying fuck, I used a high car in fucking Hawaii. They're a pretty expensive car.
Speaker 2I wouldn't, obviously. Yeah, it wouldn't be in my price, it wouldn't fit in my thing, but for the rolls if I had horse float or caravan something, a big boat? Yeah, there's nothing, and that was the idea around purchasing them in the first place.
Speaker 1But if you're laying down the dollars on one of those you're fucking saying to the world, you've either fucking got a lot of equity market or you've all fucking got some money.
Speaker 2You've got some money or you're towing something with some money.
Speaker 1Because obviously they break as well.
Speaker 2They've got all the modems for that.
Speaker 1Yeah, you see what the Toyota Land Cruiser's, those fucking $130,000, $140,000. For fuck's sake.
Speaker 2Ours. We were driving $160,000 because they were modified yeah, so we were driving around with them.
Speaker 1Saw one at Marketplace the other day for $238,000 in 2023. Toyota had a lot of electrics and camper shit put on it.
Speaker 2They've also got everything in them.
Speaker 1It was a good-looking car, but $238,000.
Speaker 2Have you seen all the white ones that you see over the government agencies overseas? Yeah, I've got those and I'm like I'd probably drive around in one of those. Yeah, and you just go wow, what happened to the Toyota Hilux?
Speaker 1Yeah, Good vehicle, but that's a big fucking outlet. I'm Mr Shitty man with 300,000 Ks on it that I've had for 10 years Fucking drives down the beach. But you know, the good thing about it is I don't give a fuck. I drive down the beach and I don't care if it gets sand in it, I go fishing in it.
Speaker 2I don't care if there's salt water because it's got 300,000 Ks on it.
Speaker 1It's ready to go. It's been palletized.
Speaker 2It's ready to go.
Speaker 1I can tow my van to where I want, to fucking camp. I don't give a fuck. So going back to we've gone a bit too much. So what does Ian do for fun when he's not working?
Speaker 2Well, it's netball.
Speaker 1It's netball. You're a netball dad. Yeah.
Speaker 2For fun. I don't have that much time anymore. I'm still really busy, but yeah, I still like reading. I do lots of hikes.
Speaker 1You're a military buff.
Dog Walks and Social Media Boundaries
Speaker 2I'm a buff, I do do my reading he does a lot of reading. I do a lot of reading. It's fun the old Kindle. But yeah, probably hiking You're a bushwalker.
Speaker 1You're the first person on the podcast that actually likes bushwalking. Yeah.
Speaker 2Well, there's a lot of reward, especially where we live. The area is quite rewarding 500 metres but you go a K in outside the tourist mark.
Speaker 1mate, that's way too fucking far for me. It probably is.
Speaker 2And it's all very hilly. My blown knee couldn't do it anymore. No, you could just ring emergency services right here at the bottom.
Speaker 1You always get there. I might do that every Saturday afternoon, but you can Actually.
Speaker 2I will. Yeah, you can, I will, you can get there.
Speaker 1Yeah and yeah, that's all right, and that's what I pick.
Speaker 2I do really enjoy that, and I've kind of forgotten what part of the world we do live in is actually pretty special compared to other parts of the world. And not everyone has it and we kind of do, makes it a little bit harder to park, but it is very nice.
Speaker 1The council now charges for parking up in the Blue Mountains and I'd love to see their bill. I'd love to have that bank account. I reckon it'd be like a counter just going ching, ching, ching ching, ching. Still don't have curb and gutter in.
Speaker 2Oh, no, no. Is that defamation? Is that the council still hasn't put curb and gutter in that that's within their role to help provide Someone put a path down me fucking street.
Speaker 1Yeah, and stuff like that Paid for by the Sydney side as a company and paid for parking.
Speaker 2Well, poker machines and pubs were supposed to make the beer cheaper. Remember that. Yeah, live entertainment.
Speaker 1That was the whole idea. That didn't work, did it? No, no.
Speaker 2Well, there's another story with that.
Speaker 1That's a whole other fucking Taxes. I had a fucking tax collector on you.
Speaker 2I think everyone would agree with that one. I had a tax collector on you.
Speaker 1I was a guest. He worked for the ATO in his younger years. Oh wow, I fucking shunned him. I said you're shunned on biblical proportion, mate, Is it? Do you have a file on you?
Speaker 2He's looking around. Have you claimed all this? Yeah, you're working from home right now, this podcast.
Speaker 1I've got one maybe sponsor.
Speaker 2No, you've got one t-shirt.
Speaker 1French benefit test I might get a 25 fucking US dollar fucking t-shirt for nothing.
Speaker 2I might send them back an email.
Speaker 1I'll pick it up while I'm over there. Save on fucking postage. Have you seen the fucking postage? I might wear it.
Speaker 2You might see me wearing it. It smells. Has this been?
Speaker 1worn A little bit.
Speaker 2It smells. Has this been worn A little bit? It smells like my old mate Ian. Yeah, I'm going to cross the road.
Speaker 1I'm crossing the road. He's looking at me weird. It makes me. It makes me tattoo itch.
Speaker 2Oh, oh, that's me, I'm back, just the eye, the arse.
Speaker 1But honestly, After chatting to you, I can't believe how many Of the same places we've been to Like with our, with our elderly mothers being in hospital, that same warts that we haven't actually ran into each other, I know.
Speaker 2It's amazing. It was sad for both of us to be in all honesty and sad for them, but you were correct and like when you left the agency.
Speaker 1I have to say you break my heart, ian, because I thought you might fucking keep in touch, you know, and we might have got together for a beer. I'm just fucking I sit at home on Friday nights longing, friday nights longing. Would someone please invite me out for a beer.
Speaker 2Maybe me old mate Ian, I've got my tattoo here or rub it.
Speaker 1He'll know I'm sitting on the street dildo waiting for him.
Speaker 2It's something that, yeah, I always struggle with that type of stuff and I don't know if people want to know and stuff like that. Well, we've stayed in touch, it just hasn't been physical.
Speaker 1It just hasn't been in person. It used to be physical, Ian. What happened?
Speaker 2between us, not allowed near you or your pets. He's sitting on my lap right now.
Speaker 1We look on a face mate.
Speaker 2Oh sorry, I always keep peanut butter in my pocket, is that?
Speaker 1her ass she's licking.
Speaker 2It's good she loves it. She's just a bit bony.
Speaker 1She's not happy. She's adjusting to bring her butt up in the air. Yeah, I know she. Yeah, I know she's just Come on then.
Speaker 2Yeah, I haven't got the I've got to work on-.
Speaker 1You know what she looked at you like then? Have you seen that the family guy where the sheep's getting shorn? Oh, yes, yeah, fucking shimmy. The fucking dog stuck its butt up in your face and it's turned its head around and it looks like it's going fucking shimmy.
Speaker 2Shimmy, that's it, fucking shimmy. She's the chosen one. But yeah, I regularly keep peanut butter in my pocket so that dogs can come around and like me and any other wildlife that comes along. She's a bit of a stray with no collar. Oh, I haven't got a collar on.
Speaker 1No, oh, I must have got washed the other day. Must be sitting in the laundry.
Speaker 2Oh, sitting in the laundry. It's like this must be strange.
Speaker 1We got her off Facebook for 400 bucks.
Speaker 2Did you?
Speaker 1all kids get phones early on?
Speaker 2No, yeah, so kids thrive on boundaries.
Speaker 1My kids would have fucking hated living in your house. They would have.
Speaker 2Kids thrive on boundaries. No, so year seven we got phones.
Speaker 1Yeah, no, that was fair. No, it was fair.
Speaker 2Easier said than done the our kids thrive on boundaries thing. We've had the pushback now for the next two years and we've seen the change With them having phones and social media and all that shit. See, that's the thing.
Speaker 1It's the same with TikTok, but I'm the same. I don't watch news on telly. I occasionally look at newscom on my phone and if they don't get me in the first fucking paragraph, I'm gone. Mate, I'm just swiping straight past you, yep. So, I'm not much better than the kids to be honest, oh, same deal.
Speaker 2Like it's just. You can just see the changes with it.
Speaker 1But you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't because the social stuff goes through, so much you don't want to cut them out, so you do. It's just as important to be able to run a phone these days as it is to be able to write your name on paper.
Speaker 2Well correct. A whole bunch of stuff goes through it and you know lives will go through it. But yeah, I think the I'm not against them if they start pushing it back a little bit. I think it's good for development if that makes any sense and we've all gone down that rabbit hole. When you're just doing something bored and oh, you've got nothing to do instead of waiting in a doctor's surgery, phone straight up, man, I've been down I've gone very deep I'm an Instagram rules bloke at the moment.
Speaker 2Okay, yeah, and I'll just go down and, down and down. Some are funny and some are very clever too. There's some good stuff.
Speaker 1There's some people putting some shit on the internet. That is fucking hilarious.
Speaker 2They're geniuses.
Speaker 1I know I've read of those Reddit things and someone will put like a two-sentence reply to a comment or a one-liner. And I'll fucking die.
Speaker 2And I'll guess it will laugh for 30 or 40 minutes, they'll murder it. Yeah, they just go in there.
Speaker 1These guys are fucking genius. How did they come up with that?
Speaker 2They've just'm after. That's what I'm looking for. Is that one line or that one word, just like smashed down?
Speaker 1Yeah, and they've just killed this other person.
Speaker 2Whatever argument, whatever point they're putting across, they're just sunk.
Speaker 1Yeah, and that's why you go looking for comments like that.
Speaker 2Yeah, exactly right, and some of the cleverness, and it's not all mean or anything like that.
Speaker 1It's just just good wit, like good clever wit.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's like two sentences of just oh, you've got them. Which I could think of that? That?
Speaker 1quickly. I read one once, like a year ago, and it said something like it said a sentence. Then it said, if you will, at the end of it and the fucking. I read the whole thing. Not funny, but the if you will at the end just fucking killed me for some reason. It just fitted with everything that, like, was written up to that, if you will. And I don't full stop if you will at the end. Just fucking killed me for some reason. You're done. It just fitted with everything that was written up to that, if you will, and I don't full stop if you will. And I fucking died. Eh, I died for about an hour.
Speaker 1I was absolutely dying in bed, dying of laughter, over fucking three words if you will, if you will, okay, and I've been on the hunt to try and find somewhere I can put it in. That could be just as funny. I can't do it, unable to. I'm unable, if you will. So we're coming up to about how long these podcasts go for and we didn't really explore the real. Ian.
Speaker 2No, I don't think we did, but anyway it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1I think we'll talk. There's a whole bunch of laws. Let's stop this? I think we no, but I always ask, I guess, have you got any advice? If you were going to give someone one word of advice, what would you give them? One word of advice, wit.
Speaker 2You know what? Don't kick those thoughts inside.
Speaker 1Let them out. Let them out, let them free.
Speaker 2True.
Speaker 1That's it, that's it. I won't give any more other advice. No more advice.
Speaker 2Otherwise I'll be responsible for it. It could be really bad. Bad things will happen All right.
Speaker 1So be real, say what's in your head, correct? I don't know, ian, because I've fucking heard what's come out of your head sometimes. It's funny and my fucking oh, I think it's fucking hilarious.
Speaker 2Thank you, someone by advice would be I can be real, but say it quietly, whisper it to your mates. Whisper it, yeah, yes, because there's.
Speaker 1Maybe you need, maybe you fucking have to vet what you let out to the public a little bit, but that's your fucking Too late, too late.
Speaker 2It's fucking out there Too late.
Speaker 1Are you still carrying around that fucking 13-year-old's wallet? Yes, the fucking Velcro Ian has fucking he's still got it.
Speaker 2He's when I don't know about the rest of the world.
Speaker 1I'm just going to pick this out. I think the Velcro needs to change. I know it's time. Back in the day. What, in the late 80s, velcro wallets were the? Fucking rage it was a Billabong yeah, billabong wallet, velcro wallet yeah. And Ian, ian, how old? I didn't ask how old you were. I'm 46, 46, fuck you.
Speaker 2I thought you were a bit older than that no 46. This is just Years of shift work have made these beautiful lines. On my face. Fuck, you're a young man.
Speaker 1But anyway, the 46 year old Goes to the shop, pulls out a fucking 14 year old's wallet and that Having not met Ian. If no one's met Ian, that explains Ian right, fucking there, yep.
Speaker 2He's a 14-year-old in a 46-year-old's body.
Speaker 1Maybe even 12. All right, thanks for coming, ian. So, going on Ian's advice, let it out. Let it out. Oh, I did it, you did it. Thanks for coming. Pleasure, enjoyed chatting to you, yep. Anything else to add before we go?
Speaker 2No, it's all good. Thank you for having me, no worries.
Speaker 1It was good. Have a good day.
Speaker 2See you later Cheers.
Speaker 1Just a quick PSA from the younger and better looking East Coast Averages host.
Speaker 2I want to say thank you for sitting down and listening to Ian and my old man have a chat. Wwweastcoastaveragescom. There's some hats and beatties up there. Get amongst it fools. Good night.
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