Relationships and Finances, Episode 6

In this episode of the Influence Her Mindset podcast, host Miko welcomes special guest, Charlie Marcol, an accomplished author and speaker known for her work in the educational industry. The discussion centers around the intricate relationship between finances and relationships, emphasizing the importance of communication and transparency about money matters in marriages. Charlie shares her personal experiences, including her own marriage, highlighting how financial issues often stem from a lack of communication. They discuss how many marriages fail due to couples not knowing how to navigate conflicts, particularly those related to finances. The conversation expresses the significance of establishing a strong foundation based on friendship and open dialogue. 

Charlie introduces her book, "From the Florist to the Forest," which challenges women to think deeply before marrying and emphasizes the need for honest discussions about finances and personal goals. The episode also touches on the idea of financial therapy, advocating for couples to be transparent about their financial backgrounds and challenges.  Throughout the episode, Miko and Charlie explore various topics, such as setting financial goals, the importance of mentorship in relationships, and the impact of childhood experiences on financial attitudes. They stress that successful marriages require teamwork, shared visions, and ongoing communication to thrive.

The episode concludes with the importance of nurturing a marriage as a partnership and a reminder that both individuals must work together to ensure the success and growth of their union.

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Transcript

What’s up y'all and welcome to another episode of the Influence Her Mindset Podcast!

 Yes, it's Miko, and I am your host. And today's show, we are going to be talking about relationships and finances. We are going to mix the two together!

Today, I have a special guest. My guest today is Miss Charlie Marcol yeah Yes, like Nicole, but Marco Okay, so she is going to share some of her expertise with us today. And I want to read off a little bit about her bio so I can introduce her properly to you guys. So bear with me mmm so miss Charlie is an author, a speaker, and a trailblazer in the educational industry. She has made a name for herself as the pivot Queen. Going a little bit further back in her educational school days when she was a teacher, she reached out to city council member, Dr. Carolyn Evans Shabazz, and she was able to acquire her entire classroom, laptop, notebooks, and a $500 shopping spree around Christmas in 2021. In that same year, Charlie won the Red Apple Teacher of the Year Award, which was sponsored by Ashley Home Store. Yes. She is also a best-selling author. She's been featured on the Isaiah Factor on Fox 26 News, the Red Book Magazine. Jet Magazine has hosted her own radio talk show and has been a speaker for various engagements like the Texas black women's expo we are girls of Texas different college campus events as well as galas and fashion shows and you name it what has Charlie not done well who better than to have as our guest today because she is amazing I feel like she is amazing and I’m glad she's joining us so I'm amazed at your talent, and I just want you to just, you know, introduce yourself, be at home, welcome to the show. Well, thank you for having me. I'm happy to be here. I was like, who bio is that? I've done all of that, but yeah. you forget all of the things that, you know, you've done and I just want to make sure that my dash is fulfilled. So when my number is called and I have to go to that great get in the morning, I want to be said, well done I did a faithful servant. So that's why I do what I do. Well, I love it because I'm amazed at your journey. And I mean, I want to get into some of these books that you have written. So I was looking online and just trying to figure out your background story, but before we get into your books, I want to ask you about a quote. Okay. Do you agree that finances and money is the number one source of conflict in relationships and marriages today? One of the strong reasons. You wouldn't say it was number one? No. What would you think is number one? communication about finances. Oh, hey. Because if we don't talk about the money, and we're just assuming about the money, and people make decisions, then assume, what's the real word of assume? Making an ass out of you and me. So we have to communicate about our finances and not assume. I can go with that. Because the conflict's starts when we don't communicate. That is very true. And you know what? I believe that 90% of marriages end in divorce because couples don't know how to get past that stage of conflict. They don't know how to navigate. It's hard to navigate. It's hard because people do not want to be honest. 

You have to be honest about your finances. You have to be honest about your feelings. And a lot of us tend to diminish that light and say, well, maybe it's going to change or maybe it's going to get better. But when you're talking about marriage, a lifetime commitment, we have to talk about everything. Everything is a conversation. Well, that's true. Okay. So I guess... Communication would be like the foundation that we need to build our relationships on. No relationship can stand and be solid without communication. That is the backbone of every relationship. It's the cornerstone. Okay. It is truly the cornerstone because if we can communicate, we can talk about family issues. We can talk about finances. We can even talk about the other F words…that are important in relationships too, you know? Okay. Family. See? I didn't know you were going. I think you're going to bring me back to that. All right, family. I'm bringing it in. All right. So, you know, because these are the things that really matter. We're talking about a lifetime. Right. Many people focus on marriage just for the wedding. And it's, baby, that wedding is what, 30 minutes? And a reception is four hours? Okay. Like, okay. And by the time we cut the cake, we so tired. Oh, I was tired. I was tired. tired like is this over? yeah And then next thing you know, you are like, next day. It's time. It's show time. Let me tell you. The real party starts now. When I got married. 

I was so tired. Okay, so we had to get up and go run to the airport to go to the honeymoon. We argued the whole way to the airport. We were both tired. We were both irritated. We started off on a bad note going to the airport. It was horrible. A lot of people start off on bad notes because they don't have a lot of conversations. But you know what? If you really have a strong foundation that communicates, Communication piece is going to save you. It's going to help you get through conflict So when you do have them, that's why you should have a solid foundation like a friendship first Yes, because I read a quote that said people that were raised on Survival yes will do anything to you people were raised on love would do anything to 

For you. For you. Oh, I feel that. And so that spoke to me. Right. Because it put me back in a place of 2009. Okay. You know, the year I got married. Okay. And so I was just like, hmm, hmm. It just kind of stood out. And I said, my Lord, today, my people that were raised on survival would do anything to you. So. Alright, let's get into this book because I'm interested in learning a little bit more about the wedding aspect. Okay. Marriage aspect. And so I was thinking like, what was I thinking about when I was getting married? Like, was I more concerned with the wedding part of it or was it the actual going to the altar, getting into the union of being married? I think for me, because I'm a soror, we're sorors. We are very much so. Yes, so I was worried about the sweetheart song. Come on, you needed a she may be.. You needed a….. she may be an Omega’s  sweetheart... You wanted that circle around you, didn't you girl? I wanted it. wanted and then I was also caught up in this, okay, I've already graduated college. Okay, what's next? I'm ready to get married. I'm ready to have kids. I'm ready to do everything in line like I think it should be. Never really paid attention to all these red flags that probably was hitting me upside the head that I didn't want to see. So, if we would have communicated a little bit better, ask the right questions, you know, we could have got a a little further, however, I'm not here to bash him, but we did stay married probably 20 years, and it was a long time, but had I known some things going in, it probably would have been better. Okay. I don't think I did my homework. Hmm. I don't think I looked at those red flags. Hmm. So walk us through this book because, wait, before you start, I want to read something that you had on the summary of your book from the florist to the forest okay so this book, let's talk about it. It is the modern girl's guide before saying I do in the 21st century. Marriage is a feeling because people fail to prepare for matrimony. Let's talk about it mmm Tell me about the book. The title is From the Florist to the Forest, where I challenge women to think deep before they leap into marriage because I didn't. Okay. I was more concerned about the florist, the flowers, the hoopla, the glitz and the glam. I tell people I got married during the era of BrideZilla. Do you remember BrideZilla? Yes. Was you a BrideZilla? I don't know if I was BrideZilla, but I was part of that era. They didn’t let you know you was a bridezilla, okay? And so I was concerned about what that wedding would look like. And just like you said, I kind of felt like What's next for me? I had everything that society says that I should have. Right. But I had a big S on my chest. And not that I'm saved, but it really meant super single, right? Okay. And so I had the job. I had the nice car. Yeah. I had the baby. I even had a home. Okay. But what I didn't have to complete this picture was that man. So you insert it. Control-Alt-Delete. Okay? Copy-Paste. Okay. And I hid for a long time that that man was married when I first started dating him. Oh, no. So I'm going to give you. Oh, wow. Let me give you a real, let me give you some real back story. So, you know, it's no secret that I'm from Dallas. Okay. And I went home to pay for the final payments for this lavish wedding that I was getting ready to have in my childhood church and at the big hotel, in the words of my grandmother, on Stemmons Freeway. And if you're from Dallas, you know, Stemmons is like, you know. Come on, D-town. Yeah, D-town, right? All right. And so here I was, Oak Cliff Princess in my mind, about to have this wedding of a century. And my grandmother literally stepped into the hallway And she was like Nathan with David in the Bible. And she literally said, that's not your husband. And grandmama knows. And here's the thing. Our older generation and elders, they can sense it. They can smell it. They can sift it like wheat. But we don't see it right then. I saw it too. Oh, you did? Oh, baby, yes, honey. And my grandmother said, that's not your husband. Now, mind you, my grandmother or my mother knew his reality, but for my grandmother to even just communicate that to me, and I got so defensive. I got so defensive, but the reality was it was too much money on the line. Ooh, that's deep. And people had paid for drinks. A lifetime. But it was too much money on the line. Too much money on the line. People had paid for hotels, dresses, shoes, airplanes. So you were more worried about what the people would say. I was more worried. Yes. All right. And so I knew going in that it was going to be a financial struggle. But wait, how much did the wedding cost? It cost $30,000. I had two dresses. I had the presidential suite after wedding. Listen, okay. I had the whole ballroom. We had Moed Champagne. I had a drummer with the DJ. I had a hip-hop pianist at the cocktail hour, you know. Yeah. These were in a video. I did. And here's the thing. When the divorce was final, after all that money, do you know I burned the wedding gown? Which was also thousands of dollars, too, because photos and videos. 

They never were cheap. Not when it came with the wedding prices. That's a big business. Yeah, it is. And so, you know, I end up, my marriage fizzled out before the finances. Before you finished paying for it. Yeah. Yes. Okay. I can sympathize with you on that. Right? Because I literally, I felt like, you know, just to any woman that's listening to this podcast that feels forgotten about. I literally would be like, hello, God, do you hear me? Like, you know, I had everything to complete my story in my mind versus waiting. Yes. You know, waiting on God to send me my person. I was trying to make it happen. Right. And so. Putting it together. I was putting it together, forcing it. Like, you know, you remember that puzzle we used to play with when we were in elementary school? The wooden peg. Yes. Trying to put a. Triangle into the square. Yeah. 

And so I was literally trying to put the circle into the triangle. I was trying to make it work when I knew in my heart. You sound like you've been in my house. You've been listening to me talk. That's why I write every book from a place that I've experienced. Because it is a testament of what God can do. Because some things we put ourselves in. speak you know right like because my grandmother, that was two weeks prior to, and I’m telling y'all, that's so defensive it's like y'all don't want me to be married. I finally found somebody yes it's everybody else, not you it was my inner child hollering out yes you know it was my it was my inner child hollering out and I listened to her. She won. How long did you stay married? 

With the divorce and everything? Two years, six months. Total. At year one, I remember us giving each other high five and dap on our anniversary like we were on the football field. Like, yeah! Woo, woo, woo! Okay, so let's rewind it back. Okay! So you did want to tell people he was married. What attracted you to him to make you want to marry him? Kurt, he was fine. And let me tell you, my folks from East Texas, my mama and them are from East Texas, and they used to say everything that looked good to you ain't always good for you. Oh, no. No, no, no. And looks are fleeting. And looks fade. And they fade. What's he say? He said it was. Okay. The first challenge that y'all came to, like the conflict. When the conflict broke out, who was the one that was able to get y'all through? I mean, did you have a good example? Did you have a couple you could go to and say, hey, we're having a problem here. Can you help us out? No. Looking back, no. um I don't even think we had a mentor couple. that we could, you know, that we're unbiased. Sometimes, you know, when I pick my sister and her husband or he picks his brother and his sister-in-law, it's a biasedness that is connected to it versus a mentor couple that is able to talk you through, but more importantly, pray you through. I think sometimes when the communication is weak, you don't know how to pray. Right. Right. And you don't know how to talk about your finances you don't know how to talk about what's really bothering you don't know how to talk about your mother really irritated me because the communication foundation is weak okay so would you say a lot of your arguments were about finances? 80% of them were. Was he more of the person that handled the household finances or was it you? It was me. Did he sit at the table with you to discuss the finances? No. Was he even aware of the situation of your finances? No. He did work. Barely. Barely. Okay. Was there... Any other factors, like did his household income contribute? He was a contributor. He was a contributor. And so I know women today is like, you know, I... I don't want people in my finances. But that didn't work for me. And I say this to every woman. You have to do what works for you. But when we're talking about a household, not rent, we're talking about mortgage, taxes, insurance, HOA, right? That is a serious sit-down conversation. And it cannot be in passing. Like, you know, you're going to give me $200. No, uh-uh, need to talk about, okay, it's the end of the year. This HOA bill is coming up. So, we need to say, we need to sit down in October or September would you say, you know, because in my vision, I want to say the man should be the leader of the household. The man should be like, okay, in a perfect world, you would say, my husband says I don't have to pay any bills or he pays all the bills and that's fine. So, I feel like when women are in the forefront of the finances as well as the household, it's almost like you're the man of the household. So if you have to bark, you don't need a dog. You said it, I didn't. And I think also... 

A lot of people won't agree, but again, I'm talking about what worked for me. I think because my ex-husband did not have any skin in the game. He moved into my home. So it was easier for him to walk away. He moved into he didn't have anything to lose where I had to worry about if the ship was sinking because I did not want everything was on you. In your name. In my name. I did not Wells Fargo to come knock on my door and say, ma'am, you have 90 days to get up out of this. How do you teach that? Because if that person doesn't have skin in the game, it's not like you can say, okay, now we marry here, shove it all off to you because you don't have any trust in that person to actually do what you need him to do. As far as the finances are concerned. Well, I think that, how does that work? You got to talk. Well, let me say this. A lot of our things, stem from our childhood. Yes, would you agree? I would agree. Okay, so if your mama's not a good steward of money Mmm, and that's who you learned it from it kind of rolls into You and you see those same behaviors, right? Right, right. So that's why you got to have those conversations, to me, before you even walk down the aisle. I totally agree. One of the things I like to talk about is mindset. And how did you develop your mindset? It stems from things you learned in your childhood. The people that were more impressionable upon you. It didn't really have to be your parents, but a lot of times it is your parents. Whoever raised you and you learned the most from That's where you developed your mindset. That's where you get it from. And if it's broken and everybody in that system is broken, you don't even realize it's broken. 

Until you meet other individuals, you know, that's true because I didn't really know that my relationship was so dysfunctional Until I got a full-time job and I was listening to the women at work talk about how healthy their marriage How healthy their finances are? Oh, I'm putting the max in my 401k and right now my balance is eight hundred thousand in my 401k. And I'm over here with $80 in my checking account after we get done playing. Life cut off. But see, it's like, you know, but you don't even realize that it's broken if you continue to stay in there, in that space. And so, some people learn. within they when they find that partner like oh so we can try to break this you know generational poverty yes you know just I always talk about we can break this like okay you know and I remember one time and I’m not bashing him um he's a good person he just wasn't good enough for me wasn't a good husband just oh maybe he's a good person he's a good person it just we weren't compatible with each other it just wasn't the right fit maybe in another life. Maybe when I was drawn apart. I don't know. But the reality is one day I remember coming in and the lights were off. And he didn't understand why I was so frustrated and I remember telling him I wasn't raised this way. mm-hmm you know every time I touch the light, every time we turn the key, it was never a padlock on the door. Every time it was a notice, a notice, a pink paper blue a yellow I didn't even know that they even come in different colors. What's going on And he thought, like, oh, you just, you know, you think you all of that. And I said, I just was not raised this way. And so because I wasn't, I didn't know those behaviors. But see, we didn't even have a conversation about finances for him to even know that every time. I don't have a childhood of rainbows and lollipops, but I sure don't have it from the bottoms either. And so I don't, I'm not going to start living that way. And it's okay for... 

For you to have that discussion like, yo, let's talk about how you grew up and how I grew up. That's so key. Because, again, that red wagon that we pulled. Yes, with our baggage. With our baggage in it. Because it's just more than that wagon. That wagon with that baggage. With bricks. Cool. Suitcase. Canned goods. All your coins. You know? Past relationships. Past hurts. Parents. Parents. Dysfunctionalism that rubs off on you. Again. And also finances is in that part too. Definitely. And you know what? It's like I started studying financial therapy and I always wanted to know Why was I interested in the type of guy that I was interested in? And believe it or not, it had a source with my finances because I was always attracted to these guys that had, oh, lavish lifestyles. And I'm like, this is the way I want to live. And my husband was totally opposite. 

For that one time when I went for the opposite, I ended up marrying him. But he was totally different than what I've ever dated or ever liked. I can't explain that. And people always ask me, why did you stay so long? Why did you stay with him for 20 years? Like, what was that about? You must have had something going that was good. Out of those... 20 years, maybe we had a good seven, maybe. But if I would have known what I know now, I don't know if we'd have made it down the aisle. I don't know if I'd have made the same choices because I'm like you. If I had to do it again, I'm going to ask the right questions. You cannot be afraid of conversation, especially when we're talking about financial freedom. yeah Because you don't know it all. 

You need to reach out to people that understand how to make wealth multiply. Yes. Yes. I can YouTube. I can read about it. But if I can go and find an advisor or if we can find someone that. But you want a partner. You want a partner. And you want to be on the same team and page. Yes. Because if you want. To be traveling and he's the spouse and he says oh no, I'm going to buy me a luxury car I don't want to travel now. You didn't have this conversation up front. So now you thinking your whole marriage is going to be about living Yolo Yeah, you traveling you're going to Ghana you doing this and he's up there saying no I don't want to go you go by yourself. That's not what I want to do. That's not what I want conversation 

My dad used to say rule a nation. Yes. Yes. You know, hard conversations are where you will get that muscle. What kind of what kind of questions would you ask a guy that you say today? I want to take it to the next level. Mm hmm. Let's have a conversation over dinner. Let's just kind of get into it. Like, what are your five-year plans? Or what are you looking to hear now that you didn't really think about before when you got married? So one thing I will ask, I'm going to start off and say, do you want to be a husband or do you want a wife? Hmm. Explain. Because you put me that one. Explain. Okay, so I want someone that wants to be a husband. Oh. Mm-hmm. Right? A partner. A partner. A protector. Not just somebody that, a wife that is going to cook clean, don't smell like onion rings. Some eye candy. Eye candy. 

I need a partner, it's a partnership. Marriage is a part of equal beneficial partnership okay so an agreement an agreement a covenant. Yes, a foundational plan. So that's number one. Okay. Number one. Number two, what are your aspirations and goals? Because if he don't have no goals, he can't leave me. I talked about it right here. Talk about it. Because if you're marrying somebody that's goal driven, a man that marries you and I, his head is going to always be spinning because I'm going to come up with a new plan or in the words of the man the other night, a concept of a plan. Yes. Yes. I'm coming up with a concept of a plan, a new plan about every six months. I'm so motivated by a man that likes to take charge. He has a plan for the family. If he tells us, baby, I want you to put the max in your 401k because in a couple of years, we're going to do A, B, and C with this. We're going to flip this money or we're going to take it to the next level. We're buying a business. I want to hear that I'm not leading you we're walking together, but you're not only waiting on me to make all the decisions. You have a plan you have our lives and our kids. Like I need my kids to be able to look up to you mm-hmm you are somebody that can be respected mm-hmm if I get in a bind, I don't have to go ask my parents for some money or I got to ask my sister or my brother for some money. No, you are my protector, whatever needs to be taken care of, I want that person to be able to help me. That's it. Move it along the way. It don't even have to leave the house mm-hmm okay and then my third question I'll ask, are you aware of any trauma that may stop your healing? 

That's important for me to ask a guy because, uh, particularly men in our culture, Sean counseling. Yes. And Sean therapy. Yes. And it's important. We all carry baggage. I don't care who you are. And so there might be some things that happened in your childhood or even in your past relationships. That you want to know that you need to pull that Band-Aid off. Oh, Yes. So, every time I think about financial therapy, I think about what is this other person not telling me? You know, this whole podcast has a foundation in financial therapy and financial therapy mixes together financial planning along with the same type of techniques that a psychotherapist would use. So, for example, there are so many different money disorders that you can deal with and you could be living with this person and they not really know that they actually have a money disorder. So like if you're living with somebody that's living paycheck to paycheck, but that don't come out when you're dating, you know, they never tell you I'm living paycheck to paycheck or my credit is jacked up, I can't get a house or just certain things that people hide from you. Like gambling, hoarding. Those are all based in a money disorder. Workaholism. Financial infidelity. This is some good stuff. Because see, I have asked somebody, I said, the guy I dated before, I said, tell me about your mom and dad. How were their work habits? And when he shared, I said, because it's in your worth ethic. Right. And it passes down. And it passes down. And I can tell because you think love equates by money. And it's not because you can buy this, that, that, this, that, that, that. But you're spending. But that does not equate to love. Right. Well. I guess if that's how you were raised, like mom didn't spend a lot of time with you, but she went and bought you something. And so now he thinks wife is wanting to do the same thing. And wife may not have been... The wife may not have been raised like that. Her love language could be spending time together. I don't need you to buy me everything. I have money in the bank. Why don't you have time to spend? My past spouse, he would give his whole paycheck. However, that didn't make him a great husband. When it was time to make decisions, he was very passive. I kind of had to lead the household. And I don't think I liked that. At first, it didn't bother me until, you know how a couple of years down the line, couples either grow together or they grow apart? Finances can do that to a couple. And so if you don't grow together, you're going to grow apart. And then it's like, okay, I'm starting to plan how I want my life to be, because you never have anything to contribute to the conversation. So I had to start, you know, saying, making my plans, like, how do I want my life to be? How do I want to live in the next five, ten years? How do I want to raise my kids? And so things started happening where we started growing apart. But the finances, you know, he gave his whole paycheck, but it didn't make the relationship better. Because... Relationships, marriages are not built by finances. They're built by foundation. And then the foundation is communication, which leads and funnels to all of those other aspects that help make up a, let's say, I like to call marriage, like I said, an agreement, a partnership. Right. Because we need to be in agreement. You know, finances can lead to alignment, too. Yes. So, like, are we aligned? Yes. You know, in this aspect, when it comes to our finance, because we could agree all day long. But if we're not aligned, baby, Guess what? Nothing's going to happen. I heard somebody say the other day that it was a guy's podcast. He was like, how do y'all feel about if you want to get married to a lady but she has $150,000 worth of debt? Do you marry her with $150,000 debt? Do you take it on as yours? Or do you make her pay that debt off and then you get married so that the slate is clean? I know somebody that did that. I Which way? I work with a gentleman. He told me that he really loved this woman, but she had a lot of debt. They made an agreement to get in alignment. The agreement was you're going to move in with me. While you move in with me, I want you to pay down all of your debt. If I can see you being aggressive about taking care of your debt because I don't want to go into marriage with a lot of debt, then we can move on. When she paid off that last payment, he proposed. No, that's fine. And he said that he wanted to see if she was serious about her finances, if she was going to put and place that on him. I like that. And I was like, okay. I like that. I like that. And he said, like, she had no debt because she moved in with him. So she didn't incur any new debt. But that allowed her to take care and settle all of her old debts. And they are able to travel to Europe and, you know, have different investments now because they're not, you know, $25 here doing a minimum payment over here. You know, because we love a minimum payment, baby. Like, how much is the minimum? $25. And you're going to be paid 10 years. And so then he said, by her commitment, her dedication, and her diligence, he was like, I know she would be a good wife. Because she did not want to, you know, make sure I encourage the same page they were in alignment. Yes. You know what else um during my studies in financial therapy, I learned that When you're going through a marriage, you have to be willing to be with your partner and you have to be on the same page. Two people come together in your whole. So like you have the wife, the husband, and then you have the union of the marriage. Both of you have to equally nurture it. The marriage has to stand alone on its own because at the end of the day, you have to be able to like see it like a cup, your love cup. So the wife adds to the love cup of marriage. 

The husband adds to the love couple marriage. You're both benefiting from this cup. You'd never let it go dry. Each year you start to cultivate it a little bit more. You start to keep it fresh, look for ways to enhance it. But it's good to look at a marriage outside of you individually because you'll protect it and you'll want to keep it fresh and keep it growing. So I said, that's a good way to look at it. I never thought about it like that but it is true that you have to look at your marriage almost like you look at running a company or business like you're the CEO of yourself, but when you come together, you both are building a partnership with this marriage. It is an acquisition. 

It is a merger. It's a merger. It's a merger, it's a merger is that acquisition that is happening and if the acquisition fails it's not just really one person for right it's two A does not fail because of one person. It fails because two people gave up and they weren't willing to make it through the rough times. Some people don't even know how to fight. Right. They fight, but they don't know how to fight properly. And nothing about conflict says that you have to be abused. No, nothing about conflict. We're not talking about that. We're talking about equally sharing your feelings equally. communication in a healthy way yes and financial therapy helps you open the conversation of finances up we can have a safe space to discuss the finances and that's what you know we learn with financial therapy so I really love that topic. I'm so passionate about it because if I would have had that when I was married, I think it could have saved a lot of heartache. I don't know if it would have saved the marriage, but it would have helped us through a lot of things if we would have just learned how to communicate about the small things and move forward. Because a lot of couples get stuck in gridlock and they're bullheaded. They don't want to bend. You got compromise well say they don't want to be in about the money because you said it's financial infidelity secrets it's secrets you know, I don't want you to see how much I'm bringing in or hiding under the mattress or, you know I mean? Like it's, you have to be so vulnerable transparent that's the better word. Transparent about your finances because in order to have certain things.

You have to do different things. You can't do what you did in a previous relationship. Now you're in a new relationship doing what you did in a previous relationship and you're wondering, Why it's not getting anywhere. I don't want no secrets. I don't. Especially not with accounts. Do you share? Are you for sharing accounts? I am. I am. I am about having my own personal account, but I am also about having a home account that we could put deposit in, that we could invest. Okay. Because, you know, when I do it this next time around, I want to have investments. Okay. I really want, you know, yes, we have, you know, four 3Bs and four 1KAs and all of that. and all the numbers and ABCs and one, two, threes. But I want to have investments that can bring us residual incomes in the middle of the night. I want my cash out. Lord, let it speak it. Woo, woo, woo, woo. You know, like ching, ching, ching, ching. I want that. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. So are you doing a prenup? 

I don't have enough money to do a prenup. Well, don't say that. You got all that you need. You're right. Let's cut that out. Let's cut that out. Yeah. You know what? We're going to cut that. You're right. Because my kind is not for us. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. But I'm no candy birds. So I don't have assets. But I do remember my ex-husband trying to get my teacher retirement at the time. Like, yeah, like, dude. Like, what? You know, but I was protected by the law, you know, because we're not that kind of state, you know, we're not an alimony state. Y'all hadn't been together 10 years. That long. And the judge was like, what? You know, like, but when you don't know the rules and you're listening to everybody else, it can just make you look like an ass in a courtroom. It really can. This is a Christian podcast. Excuse me, Lord. This is a Christian podcast. Al right. 

so happy I had you on today. This has been so entertaining I’m going to have to have you back okay as another day for another topic. I love it. I love your books. Thank you. Everybody go out and get from the floors to the forest by Charlie Marcol, Yes. She also has Sisters of the Storm. You want to talk about this one real quick before we close out? Well, this one is an anthology. And so I, you know, pulled 12 women together that survived Harvey. And we made an anthology talking about surviving the storm because it has a lot of parallels, like a storm of life and a physical storm, right? Surviving it. SOS, Sisters of the Storm. But these are my new babies. 

These are my babies. My cool crown and crown to be cool where I'm teaching little kids the power of their crown. This is the crown that we can't put down and crown is played off of the new legislation, the Crown Act. So this is meant to empower children, inspire them, give them a history lesson because our life maybe was sublime before that transatlantic crossing. Don't let them tell you any different. Oh, I love that. But you know what? Here at the Influence Our Mindset podcast, we are influencing all people to live better, to live a better life, to have an overall well-being. So we love the kids. We support the women. We support the whole family here at the Influence Her Mindset Podcast. So that is our show for today. I am so happy that you joined us today and you are always welcome as a guest on the Influence Her Mindset Podcast. We will have Ms. Charlie back I love this. But anyway, you guys, stay tuned for more episodes on relationships and finances. We going to get into more conflict with relationships. I got it all rolled out for you in the month of September. And at the end of the month, I will be a vendor at the Texas Bridal and Wedding Expo. I will be promoting my premarital financial course. So that is happening at the George R. Brown Convention Center on September 29th, 2024. If you would like more information about financial therapy or anything that you heard here today, please email me at influencermindset@gmail.com or if you'd like to purchase a book or get in touch with Ms. Marcol, give them how they can get in touch with you. Listen, I'm like master P. I keep these books in my trunk, make them say, uh. If you see me on the street, you can purchase your copy, but they are all available on Amazon, just in that search bar. Put crown to be cool, or my cool crown, or from the florist to the forest, or sisters of the storm, and then you can get it to your door. Alright, well that's all we have we will see you guys later bye bye!