Domestic Violence and The Narcissist, Episode 7

In this episode of the Influence Her Mindset Podcast, host Miko addresses crucial topics in recognition of October as both Breast Cancer Awareness Month and Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Miko emphasizes the importance of self-check exams for breast cancer and encourages listeners to seek free mammogram services in their local areas. 

Miko highlights the crisis of domestic violence, revealing that financial abuse is a major component, affecting 99% of cases. She discusses the tactics used by narcissistic individuals to control their partners, particularly through financial means, which can manifest in various forms, such as verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. She provides statistical insights, noting that one in three women and one in four men experience intimate partner domestic violence.

The episode also touches on the connection between narcissism and financial control, explaining how narcissists manipulate their partners to maintain power. Miko urges listeners to reach out for support and she shares the hotline numbers for domestic abuse and human trafficking victims to reach out for help.

Additionally, she mentions current events, including high-profile cases like the Menendez brothers and allegations against Diddy, illustrating how financial motivations often underpin narcissistic behaviors. Miko wraps up by promoting awareness of human trafficking and advising parents to monitor their children's online interactions, particularly on platforms like MoCosapce.com.

Overall, the episode serves as a call to action for awareness, support, and empowerment against domestic violence and financial abuse. Miko encourages listeners to wear purple on October 17th for Purple Thursday to show solidarity with domestic violence victims.

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Transcript

What's up y'all and welcome to another episode of the influence her mindset Podcast. I'm Miko and I’m your host. And today we will be covering a multitude of causes. We know that October is breast cancer awareness Month. I wore my pin because I’m supporting the cause because the breast cancer victims, their fight is our fight. The survivors, we want to show our support please ladies do your self check monthly and also check in your local listings for free mammogram services I looked online and there's a based on your zip code there's so many places that are offering free mammogram services so please check your local listings for that 

Also want to talk about October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And we want to show our support here at the Influence Her Mindset podcast. Whether you're a victim now suffering silently or need help, there is help available for you. I want you to join in with me on this Thursday, October 17th, for the Purple Thursday campaign. Let me just let you know what it is. By wearing purple, you show your support to those who are victims of domestic violence, domestic abuse now or in the past and you want to let them know that help is available for them and their families. They do not have to suffer alone. We also may cover a little bit about human trafficking. But today is special because I want to bring awareness to so many things that could happen in domestic violence. When you are a victim of domestic violence, 

most times, the narcissist will control you in a relationship. And I want to make the connection between domestic violence and abuse financially, especially from a narcissistic person that may be in your life. So, here's some fun facts, really not fun, but statistical facts. financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases it is the most pervasive form of control in domestic violence According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in three women and one in four men have been victims of domestic violence cases by an intimate partner within their lifetime. So we want to support this cause and we want to take it very serious here at the Influence Her Mindset podcast. Because this is an ongoing social and public health crisis. It's getting more attention. They even gave it a month here. We wear purple to support the victims. But it crosses so many classes, races, ethnicities, and sexualities. So there are many forms of domestic abuse. 

abuse it can be verbal, it can be emotional or and physical. It is important for you to understand how the behavior of domestic violence and domestic abuse crosses over into the finances and it's important for you to know the signs and when and how to ask for help. Financial abuse is present throughout relationships. We already know that. And financial abuse becomes present when the survivor is attempting to leave or has left the relationship. So let's talk about why is fighting about money or financial abuse leads to domestic violence. People become controlling and they become narcissists. They want to control your money, your financial access, your resources to financial stability. Some reasons a narcissist may want to control you is because their self-esteem may be low. Low self-esteem, lack of financial education skills, 

Embarrassment of a current financial situation, so it is a mechanism to take the influence or the attention off of them by tormenting the victim in the scenario. Poor communication skills, another reason. Lack of trust, lack of financial transparency in relationships. past traumatic events of abuse in the narcissist life, himself or herself, creating unstable relationships just all around them. They have unstable relationships with their parents, their loved ones, their families. You know, nobody is safe in a narcissistic relationship. And generally, poverty traits generational poverty will lead to strong behavior in the narcissist because at any means necessary they want to get their hands on money and they want to attribute your money and your success to accomplish their wealth. So I do want to offer my services at this point. I work in financial planning. I am available. If you need help with your finances or would like to know how to manage your budget better or you just want some financial advice, please email us at the Influence Her Mindset podcast. We are at influencehermindset@gmail.com. 

Also, help is available from the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. And their number is 1-800-799-7233. And if you're unable to get to a local phone or you just have access to text and you want to do it secretly, you can also text LOVEISLOV L-O-V-E-I-S to the number 227, I'm sorry, 22522. Again, the Domestic Abuse Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, or you can text the word LOVEIS, all together, L-O-V-E-I-S to the number 22522. You recall in my first episode of the Influence Her Mindset Podcast, I discussed a very personal issue where my mom was very financially dependent. I was a teenager. I was about 16 and because she was so dependent financially on her spouse at the time, they had an argument about finances for a week and he was taking a trip, he was leaving without leaving the household any money. And as a result, it became very obsessive. It ended with her being physically hurt, losing her husband, her source of stability was taken, and it damaged her self-esteem in the long run. So, financial abuse occurs when the abuser uses financial means to keep their person that they're involved with under control. It is a form of coercion and control. It occurs when the survivor is dependent upon the abuser for their support. You've heard the term money can't buy you love. Well, The narcissist control extends to finances and money. and it creates a monetary hierarchy where you as the victim in a narcissistic relationship has to ask for money. You have to get permission. You have to be controlled by this narcissistic person in your life or you're going to experience parts of domestic abuse, domestic violence because when you will not the narcissistic person to control you they get very upset and it could turn violent so they tend to focus on money and power as a motivator because money and material wealth are highly important to the narcissist they often become attracted to these relationships because they look for people that will help them obtain the things, the material items they would like, the wealth, the money. And they look for people that are able to be controlled. So part of my goal here today is to help you be empowered to actually speak up, to get help where you need to reach out there are services available some forms of abuse that are used by the narcissistic person would be lying about pay or hours worked and it's covered up and it's hard to detect but it's easier for them to try to control their partners money and their spending habits it can be said that Money, not love, is what makes the world go round for these narcissistic people. Money is a major factor for stress. Anytime you can't pay your bills or if you miss the paycheck and it really changes your lifestyle, money is a source of stress for you. Society enforces that the power of the almighty dollar equates to authority and being rich and being prosperous in your status. For the narcissist, prosperity is a non-negotiable for them. It's not an option. Another method of control and superiority is for them to obtain this wealth status and this control status over their victims so I thought we'd talk about some things that have been in the news or some current events how many of you guys have been checking out the Netflix special monsters about Eric and Lyle Menendez their story comment below your thoughts about the case. 

Who was the narcissist in the family? Was it the father, Jose Menendez, or was it actually the sons? I mean, I've gone back and forth with this thought. I don't know who was more of a narcissist in the controlling relationship. The parents were killed based on greed. After the deaths of their parents in just four days, They funded a lifestyle with $650,000 from the life insurance proceeds. In six months, they spent over $1 million partying, traveling, shopping, including $65,000 spent on a tennis coach for Eric and $15,000 for Rolex for Lau. In 1989, the Menendez estate was worth $14.9 million. After the convictions of the murders, the life insurance proceeds were forfeited. So, I would love to hear your thoughts about the Menendez case because it has been getting a lot of press and they're thinking about opening up the case again because you know, there's so many what-ifs and they said there's so many variations in the Netflix special that it's worth, you know, opening up the case to see if they missed something to possibly get the Menendez brothers out of jail before Christmas. So I don't believe that's going to happen, but we shall see. Even Kim Kardashian has joined forces to try to help them out, so I am in hearing your thoughts on the case and how all of this comes out. We will see really soon. Another case I want to discuss that has been in the news and on Tubi is the Diddy case. Now they have a part two for the movie it is talking about the indictment now. So, I want to know, are you seeing narcissistic behavior in Diddy? 

Because everyone connected to him in this case was motivated by money and power and They were consumed by Diddy's narcissistic behavior to control them and then blackmail them with those videos to continue the control. I heard one story about he's been blackmailing Steve Harvey for over 25 years. And one of the payments that he received from Steve Harvey was the ability to date his daughter, Lori. Well, can see that happening because you wouldn't want this story to come out. So if your daughter was part of payment in this particular situation to keep your name covered, you never want your behavior to leak out in the press because you're so influential. Steve Harvey is one of the most powerful men in television. So can you imagine what the pictures and the videos may look like? 

I mean, think about jay-z and Beyonce. Now they're saying there they weren't part of it. Keep their name out of it. They didn't do anything. But I believe a lot of the stories are true because of the way they manage their businesses. You know, the stories that have been told. And even, you know, the younger kids that were involved, the tunnel underground to the Playboy Mansion, the human trafficking cases. None of this would have came to light if Cassie didn't have the courage to actually pursue a case against him. Now we have so many cases developing, even the lawyer Busby here in Houston, he has so many victims that he's representing in this case, so this is going to be massive. This is going to be bigger than the OJ trial, bigger than the Menendez trial, bigger than YSL and the whole situation with the RICO charges, the organized crime bail has been denied. 

I can't wait to see how it all transpires and comes out. But this is one case for the century for us that we will learn so many things about. But money is the motivation in this case. So money and wealth is always a big motivator when you have a narcissistic person that you're dealing with. So wealth and prosperity is inflated to them much like their ego. They want to continue to be in charge. I mean, even talking about Diddy, without his money and his power, who really cares? All of these people have been affected by him, but nobody's standing up to be his spokesperson and say, hey, you know, he didn't do these things. I think we all are hearing, yes, it did happen. 

At the freak-off parties yes this has you know potential to come out and really be true you know so he doesn't have anybody in his corner that's standing up for him and the judge is not having it bail denied we don't want to hear you're gonna stay in jail until you face the trial so the narcissistic money goals can be detrimental to their victims we all saw you know how Cassie was drugged down the hall, how she was kicked in the stomach, how, you know, All these victims are now coming forth. There's deaths involved. There's people that are coming back to say his mother of his children, Kim, was possibly unalived. There's so many things that can happen when the narcissist becomes destructive. 

The more a person invests in the goals and the motivators of a narcissist, it breeds this destructive behavior and it just becomes stronger and stronger. You'll start to see the bad habits of cheating and lying, dabbling in drug use, alcohol use, engaging in multiple affairs, neglecting loved ones and their families. narcissists again are naturally attracted to empathetic people. People they know they can get over on. People that have low or no boundaries at all. They get you into their graces. Their manipulation may consist of their sexual abilities with you and most women you know it's hard for them to leave a narcissist because of the way they make them feel. they're charismatic you know they have to get you to trust them and once they trust has been established between you and the narcissistic person they can start to control you know there's many stories we hear 

like their inflated ego will justify their behavior like they deserve to have an affair because of something the victim may have done to them or they didn't like something they did or they didn't let them be controlled by them. I recall a story I read where this lady talks about being in a 10 year marriage and her husband would hide the bills and receipts and wouldn't even, you know, tell her about overtime or his paychecks. He would claim he was working over extra shifts, but the pay stubs never you know, revealed that he was working extra shifts. He would then say the payroll department screwed up, but there was never any evidence of that. And that would be the end of the discussion. She couldn't ask him anything else about it. There was another lady that claimed she was dating her former partner, and she was forced to deposit her paycheck, her entire paycheck, into a joint account. And then she would never be able to make any withdrawals from the account. I don't know if you're with the 50 50 rule or, you know, sharing expenses with a narcissist. But I can tell you, if you are an advocate or if the choice is yours to have a 50-50 relationship where you split the bills down the middle, you're going to have a hard time getting your half from the narcissistic person that you're in a relationship with. They just don't care. The 50-50 rule is a choice. I get it. but they'll exercise control over the financial, you know, activities of the house. They refuse to contribute their portion of the shared expenses, repairs, or utilities. The burden of paying the mortgage or the rent, paying money to replace a hole in the kitchen floor, or even paying for family vacations will never fall on them. It will always be on their partner. 

You know, and that same narcissist is probably going to have a secret bank account and they'll shame other people in their lives for their spending habits. Narcissists are obsessed with material items and financial wealth. becomes a show about what they have and they brag about their possessions. So you'll always be able to tell from the way they carry themselves who exactly is a narcissist in the relationship they're gonna brag about their cars, their money, their houses, you know, whatever they have, their title, their status. They're going to be bragging and they're gonna draw attention to how much they half but let me tell you I mean in the conversations about my house is bigger my car is cleaner than yours but they still will refuse to pay half of the bills in the household they expect that financial compensation will be a favor they cover up they lie it's just not worth it 

The friends and family of the narcissistic people are the ones that suffer the most in these relationships. There's never a means to it. The of relationships in most narcissistic relationships is only what can they get out of the relationship. It's not about love. It's usually about the needs and desires of the narcissistic person. You know, how much do they really need to tell you to get what they want out of you? You know, there's been times where people will say our relationships are void of love and the true meaning is just about fulfilling their narcissistic goal so beware you know start to pay attention because in order for them to create this hierarchy of financial control they have to make you feel safe so the narcissist will probably never love you and they only care about their selfish desires you know they will only stay with you until they find another person who has something that they want or need. So beware. You know, for example, if you have a nice car or house, Now they have a nice car or house. They'll take ownership of it. If you have a profitable business, now they have a profitable business. And they want to brag to others saying like, oh, we have this business or we have this house. Everything becomes we in order for them to exercise control over the assets. It will be only until They get to get what they want out of you. It becomes a care and concern. I know that many times we want to know, how does this happen? Most narcissists are birthed and they're created from a place of hurt or past traumas. A lot of abandonment that may have happened in the past in their lives. most narcissists have multiple relationships because they feel like, and if it's a man and a woman in the relationship, and let me get this straight, narcissist has no gender. It could be a man or a woman. But in the example that I am presenting to you right now, if it is a man, he will have multiple women. He will have a woman that takes care of his financial needs. He may have another woman that takes care of his health. He may have another woman that provides an emotional bond for him, but he'll be sleeping with all three of them and they'll all feel like they are the only ones. He'll be getting financial help from all three of them and he won't see anything wrong with it. Most narcissistic men don't have a lot of respect for their parents, the mother especially. 

Because you can't really have a loving relationship with a mother or grandmother and treat women as victims or treat them in a domestic abuse or violent situation. Because this is part of their love-hate relationship that they have going on. So I just really want you to be aware of how all of this comes about. It's about manipulation. They'll use different tactics, gaslighting, controlling, you know, you name it, passive aggressive behaviors, lying and blaming you for things that they may have done incorrectly, threats or coerciveness. Withdrawal, withholding money, withholding sex from you until you give them what it is that they really want to control and that is your financial position, your financial assets. Ladies, please be aware and they will also isolate you from those people who seek to help you and your family members that they know that will reach out and help you if they find out that you're in a controlling manipulating relationship. I do want to touch on a little bit of human trafficking because that is also part of a control mechanism that could lead to domestic violence and domestic abuse. Human trafficking is the business of selling freedom for profit. You become the property of the person that is controlling you. oftentimes they make you sell their body your bodies. You give them money. You perform different acts for them. They remove you from your friends and family. They may not ever see you again. So I also want to give you a hotline number for the human trafficking hotline. Completely confidential. And the number to connect with the human trafficking hotline is 1-888-373-7888 again the number is 1-888-373-7888 you can also text 233 733 to get in touch with them to get help. 

You have to be able to arm yourself because these human trafficking cases, they will trick you. They will defraud you. They lie to you. They will assault you. They will threaten you. And it's all for you to become a victim in this commercial sex trafficking. They manipulate you into inhumane situations, illegal and unacceptable in the conditions that they perpetrate. provide to you human trafficking is a multi-billion dollar criminal industry it denies freedom to over 24.9 million people around the world So today is the time I want to just open your eyes to all kind of things that could happen in domestic violence. The last thing I want to touch on today is something I recently learned and this is for my younger audience. It's called MoCo. You can find this chat space at www. M-O-C-O space, M-O-C-O-S-P-A-C-E dot com. This is a place to meet and chat with new people. There's over 100 million people right now in these public chat rooms, group chats, and private chats. MoCo, why am I bringing this up? I personally have a family member that is listed on this chat line, Moco. This person is 13 years old. they have been connecting with 21 year old men, 31 year old men, being very honest about their age. They have been meeting up for sexual acts this these men have been paying this young lady. She keeps running away from home. She does not want to be controlled. She does not want to listen to the house rules or be in a place where there are clear boundaries set. 

Parents, check your kids' phones. Teenagers, please be honest. This is a very dangerous area to be in. If you are running away, you don't want to listen to your parents, the best thing you can do is remain safe. Do not become a victim of human trafficking. MoCo is not for younger audiences. Please preserve your innocence. while you can. I want to let you know that we support so many causes. And if you really are in a situation and you truly need help, please reach out to us at the Influence Her Mindset podcast at influencehermindset@gmail.com. If you need additional resources on how to stop the control of the narcissist in your life, we are here to help. you want financial education, you want to get better in your skills so that you can understand, you know, so your partner can be more financially transparent with you so that you can truly understand what is going on in the financial area in your home. Please reach out to us. We have so many services, so many classes you can be a part of. Email me at influencehermindset@gmail.com. so that is our show today. I hope you were able to learn something about the tactics that narcissists use, how they keep you in control, how they want to control your finances. I hope that you are able to learn a little more about domestic violence. I hope that you will join me on purple Thursday wearing purple to support the domestic violence individuals, the victims for Previous victims, current victims, October 17th is Purple Thursday. I also want you to be aware of human trafficking, themocospace.com. Please look at your kids' phones, look at your people in your household, have conversations. The best thing we can do is present the information to you to help you make sound decisions about your finances today and not be a victim of financial abuse anymore. So that's our show today. I'm Miko, and I hope you will continue to tune in for future shows with us. So I hope to see you at the next podcast. Thank you and enjoy your day. See you later. Bye-bye.