Loving Me Properly, Episode 8

In this episode of the *Influence Her Mindset Podcast*, Miko explains the importance of self-love and healthy relationships. She opens by acknowledging the complexity of financial therapy, noting that love and relationships play a crucial role in one’s overall financial well-being. Miko stresses that no matter how wealthy you are, a fulfilling relationship and emotional well-being are vital for a balanced life, and that includes learning to love yourself properly.

Before getting into the main theme, Miko discusses current events, including Veterans Day, the election, and the political climate, while reminding listeners to stay positive despite external challenges. She encourages them to choose happiness and gratitude, especially as the holiday season approaches.

Miko then shifts to the heart of the episode—how to love yourself properly, wholeheartedly, and entirely. She emphasizes that self-love is foundational for any healthy relationship. You must first establish boundaries, value yourself, and practice self-care in order to teach others how to treat you. Miko also highlights the need for a mindset shift towards self-appreciation, noting that it's crucial for mental and emotional well-being. She challenges listeners to reflect on their behaviors, such as avoiding self-care, tolerating toxic relationships, and engaging in negative self-talk, which can signal a lack of self-love.

She also offers advice on how to start practicing self-love, such as treating yourself with respect, engaging in positive habits, and setting boundaries. Miko encourages listeners to take time to nurture themselves during the holiday season, stay on track with their finances, and make healthy decisions. She also reminds them that a healthy relationship is built on mutual trust, respect, and open communication.

Towards the end, Miko wraps up by encouraging listeners to take control of their happiness, showing love and gratitude towards themselves and others, and practicing mindful financial planning to avoid overspending during the holidays.

The episode concludes with Miko inviting listeners to share their self-care experiences and to reach out for support in their financial or personal growth journey.

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Transcript

What's up, y'all? And welcome to another episode of the Influence Her Mindset Podcast. I'm Miko, and I'm your host. So today, we are taking it to a whole nother page. We are going into the love zone. And I know what you're thinking. I know you're saying, the Influence Her Mindset Podcast, I thought it was about financial therapy and money and things like that. But you know what? Financial therapy covers so many different areas of your relationship. But even the richest person in the world wants love, wants to be loved. And you know, what is any relationship without love?   And if I don't teach you about love and relationships, you won't even want to work through the conflicts of anything else, let alone money. So today we are going to tackle love. All right. But before I get started, I want to cover a few topics that have been in the news. So let's talk about it. But hopefully you have been enjoying the podcast so far. I hope that you are downloading the podcast and sharing it with your friends and family. As you know, we're on Apple Podcasts. We're also on Spotify. And for my visual people, we are on YouTube. We have our own YouTube channel. So please share the episodes with your friends and family and continue to support us. We love it. 

This weekend is Veteran's Day weekend. Monday is Veterans Day, November 11th. thank you so much for your service, all of our veterans of the United States. We appreciate you. Again, thank you for your service in supporting our country. this week, whoo, Super Tuesday almost took me out, y'all. Super Tuesday, I almost crashed out because I was on pins and needles worrying about the election. What was the outcome? How is this going to happen? We were in a battle of the sexes, the battle for the White House, the racial divide of our country, all to determine who was going to be the next president of the United States. Vice President Kamala Harris did a wonderful job, did a wonderful speech. I really enjoyed it. Love watching her here in Houston. But you know what? I was thinking to myself, I hope h town was not the reason she lost the election because I heard one of Donald trump's uh supporters say, the democratic convention is starting to look like a P Diddy party in Houston with Beyonce. Like he had all these souls trending on TikTok and things like that. I mean, hey, It is H-Town, and I understood her bringing Beyonce out, and she did a fabulous job or whatever, but I just hope we weren't responsible because, you know, H-Town is always lit. We love what we love, but hey, we just hope we're not responsible. So, nevertheless, did you hear her concession speech? I love how VP Harris said, when we fight, we win. And sometimes... The fight takes a while, but we will win in the end. Just not right now. It may take a while, may take us a good four years or so. It may be delayed, but I truly believe that a woman will be elected to the office of the President of the United States. We will eventually get to see it. I don't care if it's like VP Harris, Michelle Obama, it could even be Michelle Pfeiffer because I loved her in the first ladies that series. I love that series. It was about all of the wives of the presidents. But that was a great series. You should check it out. It even could be our own Soror Elsie Cooke- Holmes. I mean, you never know. We are coming and we will win. Women working together makes the world better. So, you'll remember I said that. 

So let's talk about some of my previous episodes. Like I said, I hope that you're sharing everything that we've covered so far. And I hope you're enjoying the podcast really and truly. But we learned in the beginning about doing our homework when we're having a new relationship. We had Charlie Marcol on the show. She talked about relationships and finances with us. She knew she shouldn't have married her ex-husband, but she had too much money on the line call the wedding off. So we had a good time with Charlie. We always want to welcome her back. We also covered an episode about romance scams. I covered the point about my ex-coworker, how she was scammed. She thought she was in a relationship with Tyler Perry. And she actually got scammed out of $100,000. of her hard earned 401k money so we covered that and we learned some very valuable lessons about relationships 

I want to make sure you're enjoying the podcast. As we approach the holiday season, I thought I would cover talking about expressing gratitude and love for each other. Love for ourselves and gratitude and love for others. Today I'm so thankful for life, health, and strength. You know, we get another chance to get things right in life. Decide today that you're not going to participate in the negativity and any of the stuff that you see on the news that could be depressing because we don't know where we're going as a country. You know, Donald Trump was the president before, maybe totally different now but whatever it is and whatever we are presented with, we know how to adjust and adapt. So think about it. Happiness is a choice and you can choose today that you are going to remain happy no matter who is the president, no matter what is going on, no matter what happens on your job, in your family, none of that. So now let's move into how are you feeling today? Are you happy? Are you sad? Are you bubbly? Are you on the fence are you know in love are 

Are you lonely? I would really like to know. Put it in the comments. How are you feeling today? You know, we are approaching the holiday season, a season of joy, a season of cheer. You know, we're two weeks away from Thanksgiving. You know, we want to see our families. We want to be in a good mood. let's try to express our gratitude, our love for each other, our love for ourselves. Be thankful. Give yourself some grace this holiday season. It's truly a blessing just to wake up and have another day to get this right. Another chance to get in the right mindset. Another day to just start off fresh. When you wake up in the mornings, how do you start your day off? Are you thankful? Do you just start? Do you immediately just go to work? have a cup of coffee and just say, hey, let me face this day. Whatever it throws at me, that's just what it's going to be. Me, on the other hand, when I wake up, I want to be grateful. I want to be thankful. I don't want to just let the day control me. I want to control the day. Don't take for granted that you're living and breathing because it truly is a blessing. We need to be thankful. I don't want everybody to get on this Bitterness, bandwagon, thinking about, oh my God, all these fake text messages that went out to our kids, our school kids, talking about now you're gonna be a slave or whatever. Don't even give into that. Decide today that you're not gonna participate in any of that foolishness. You are gonna remain content. You are going to have a spirit of gratitude and you are going to show love to those around you well as yourself. So I want to ask you, who is in control of your happiness? I always ask my kids this. I always ask them, like, how is your day? Were you happy? Did you let somebody get you out of a good mood? Or did you control your mood and decide no matter what happens, I am going to remain happy? Because happiness really is a choice. It really is. You have to decide no matter what's going on around you, you're going to choose to be happy. When I get up in the morning, I am thankful. I start my day. I begin saying my affirmations. Today is going to be a wonderful day. This is an amazing day. I look forward to having an amazing day. I expect something wonderful is going to come out of this day. Something beautiful is going to happen to me today. 

I command great things to happen today. I say all my affirmations before my kids go off to school. I like to cover them in prayer. And for the reason of, I just want to remain in a state of happiness. I want to be at peace in my mind, in my mental state. So if I start my morning off fresh, I know that the day is going to flow the same way. So, I start my day off because I want to show myself I appreciate where I am, I love myself, and this is the way I take care of my mental health. So, if someone was to ask you, well, I'll take myself for instance. If someone asks me, Miko, how do you want somebody to love you? I will respond with, I want someone to love me properly. 

want someone to love me wholeheartedly and I want someone most of all to love me entirely. And I'll go into what I mean by that. So what does it really mean to love yourself properly? When I think of being loved properly, I think about the saying, you teach people how to treat you and You teach people what you will allow in your life. You have to show them where your boundaries are. So really and truly, you have to teach people how you want to be treated. So if you really want to be treated a certain way, you have to love yourself. And in order for you to be able to love someone else, You can't do it unless you really have a high value for yourself. It just doesn't work. I cannot love you if I don't love me. I have to be able to be in a great space with myself. Whatever is in my heart is going to be projected out to you. If it's bitterness, if it's hurt, it will come out and it will reflect and I'll project it on you. 

So I take my time to make sure I'm in a good place so that I can interact with others. So learning to love yourself first, what does that look like? It means that in order for you to be able to be loved by somebody else, you need to know how you like to be loved. And once you establish that love, You will be able to allow somebody else to appreciate you and you will appreciate when the other person can match the feelings that you already have for yourself. It looks like self-love, self-care. It means that you appreciate you have affinity for yourself. You have a high value for yourself. Nobody is going to treat you better than you treat yourself. Love? You understand your own value. So, the last thing you want is to have somebody treats you like crap when you would not allow that for yourself. So, what is the last time you did something nice for yourself? what is the last time you enjoyed a nice dinner or took yourself out on a date or you took a nice trip that you plan for? 

and again, I did say plan for because I’m still here saying i want you to make healthy financial decisions, but i do want you to express yourself and love life as well. So a nice massage, a nice makeover, you know, get your hair done or take yourself shopping. Something nice. Treat yourself nice. You can't love yourself enough because it will motivate those positive feelings inside of you, those positive behaviors, while also reducing the self-sabotaging behaviors, you know, like the addictive things, the harmful things that we sometimes do to ourselves if we're not careful. It helps us empower ourselves. our own selves to do better. You can also be able to be comfortable saying no and being in a good place to not put yourself in positions that you're uncomfortable with. When I say no, I'm okay with saying no because I know if I do something that I'm not comfortable doing, I'm showing myself and the people around me that I can allow you to do anything or put anything on me 

And it doesn't matter if I'm unhappy. So that's not self-love at all. you're less likely to feed into addictions and drug habits and drinking and things like that. If you show yourself love, because if you love yourself, you don't want to damage your mind, your body and not be able to show up in a healthy state for life. You want to have a meaningful life. You want to remove yourself and protect yourself from having addictive behaviors come out in your life. Find a great hobby. Read a book. Make sure you're taking care of yourself. Go to the doctor. Exercise. Drink plenty of water. Make sure you're getting your checkups, your physicals, you know, you're exercising, you're feeling good, you're at your best so that you can show up healthy. 

And so that you will feel better about yourself so that you will be at peace. It's always good for you to do like a self-checkup for yourself. Like, am I allowing people to cross my boundaries? Am I allowing people to walk over my feelings and not say anything? Self-love helps us take care of ourselves, lower our stress levels and also strive for success when we're living. So take care of your body and you won't have negative thoughts and pushing yourself too far doing things that you are not comfortable doing. Learn how to say no. That is a gift that you can give yourself. if you love yourself, you won't be a people pleaser and then you won't feel bad about making smart decisions that are good for you and your family. 

And when you're ready for a relationship, you can show up healthy and whole because a healthy relationship is two people that are completely whole. They're individuals and they're keeping their individuality, but they have decided to come together and nurture a great relationship that is balanced, that has love, that has self-respect for each other. they have a trustworthy bond that they want to increase by coming together, being a couple and showing up as one going forward. And they can be a strong couple and cultivate the relationship even further. So I hear you, you're saying, okay, I've never been somebody that shows myself Self-love. I don't know what that looks like. I've been through trauma in the past. Show me how I can start this process. I'm going to help you by recognizing 10 warning signs that are sure ways to tell that you're not showing yourself self-love. Number one, perfectionism, fear of failure, because everybody knows. Sometimes in life, you have to experience failing in order to grow and be better. Avoiding your self-care. We just talked about that. You want to make sure you're not neglecting your body and your personal needs. Because if you're not healthy, you sure can't help anybody else to love themselves and be healthy. Tolerating toxic relationships and behaviors in your life. Letting people... abuse you in certain ways. Having difficulty saying no over committing yourself when you know you're tired and you need rest and that you need to say no, but you just don't have the backbone to say no. That's not showing yourself self-love. Comparing yourself unfavorably to others like, man, I'll never be who they are. I’ll never have the success they have they look so happy in a relationship you only have one you and that is your only job being the best you that you can be negative self-talk doesn't help anything it only puts self-criticism on you and it's not healthy seeking external validation from others and approval excessively like, Not being sure of yourself, not being confident in who you are, so you have to get other people to validate you. That's not showing yourself self-love. You have to be confident in who you are. Engaging in those self-sabotaging behaviors like the addictions and just showing up with low self-esteem, that is not showing yourself self-love. We should be staying away from those toxic relationships for those partners that want to exercise control over you. And poor communication and arguing all the time and cheating and justifying cheating and just lack of trust and lying to you and lying in relationships. Violent addictions, just straight drama. Nobody has time for that. That is not showing yourself self-love. So we move into loving yourself wholeheartedly. What does that look like? When you love yourself and trust yourself as much as you trust another, you have to be able to trust yourself first. The ability for you to trust the person you love shows that you display a strong sense of self-love. 

It strengthens the foundation of the relationship you have with that person. You value those in your life that you trust. You want to protect and not compromise those types of relationships because it's very slim that you have a lot of people in your life that you trust. So when you find those people, you want to protect those relationships. Your partner needs security from you. You need balance. You need trust. You want to be committed to the relationship, but you can't commit if you don't trust someone and they won't commit to you if they can't trust you. You will never physically harm someone that you love, respect and trust. And you don't have to worry about them physically harming you because the overflow of their love for you will not allow them to physically harm you or embarrass you in public and things like that. They don't want to jeopardize the relationship that they have with you. It is a reflection of self-love when you can be disciplined not to hurt the ones around you, your loved ones. If you have a partner or a spouse in your life, your love cup should always be full before you can ever pour into another person in a relationship. I want to make sure I am full and whole in the inside. I've given myself love. I've shown myself love. I value myself. Now I'm able to pour into you because you get the overflow of how I feel about myself. We are planning for the future together because we trust each other. We love each other. We want to be together. Remember, If you can't love yourself wholeheartedly, you can never love someone else the same way. And communication is the key to really trusting wholeheartedly and loving wholeheartedly. You have to be able to have open communication and really have a solid foundation with the person you love. There is a safe space in communicating and having a healthy communication. with those that you love. When we say we love ourselves entirely, once we know that we can love ourselves properly and wholeheartedly, then I'm allowing myself to be loved entirely. And what that means is I want the best for you. You want the best for me. I love you. I want to see you happy. I want to make sure you're happy I want to give to you the way I want to show you that I love you enough to be happy. I want to allow you freedom to explore those things that you need to do. I want to give you your space when you need it, because remember, we're two individual people keeping our individuality, but we want to see each other happy, whole, healthy, in love, loving ourselves taking the time to just, you know, hang out with friends, doing the things we love doing. We don't have any secrets. There is no infidelity between us. A third party can never penetrate our bond. They can't come in and destroy the relationship because we want to make sure our space is safe with each other. We are pleased that we're making each other happy. We are pleased that we're respecting each other's boundaries. We maintain everything around us to be a safe space for each other. As a partner, when you love me entirely, I can rely on you that our bond can never be penetrated. And when we have such passion for each other, it's almost like a chemical combustion we want to show that passion we want to nurture it for each other and when we come together intimately it is so beautiful that we can just procreate and just have a wonderful time expanding the love that we have for each other it's a beautiful thing to love someone completely entirely wholeheartedly and properly. And it makes you satisfied. Each person is satisfied in the relationship. 

But as we close out this episode of loving me properly, loving me wholeheartedly and entirely, I want to make sure you're getting into the holiday season, that you are treating yourself great. I want to hear about the things you're doing for yourself. I don't know what it is that you love, but I want to hear about it. How did you do something nice for yourself for the holiday season? Did you take a nice trip? Did you buy yourself something that you always wanted, but you kind of put it on the back burner until now? Most importantly, make sure you're doing your holiday budgets now so that you can make Go through the holiday season. Go through Christmas. You're not going to overspend. Remember, we're making healthy financial decisions going forward. We're planning. We're budgeting. We're not overspending. We're not going in debt for just one holiday. Christmas is supposed to be about cheer, about love for each other, and just being with family and just having a great time celebrating each other. 

As I wrap up, I want you to just promise me that you will show love to yourself and love to those around you. we want to make sure we're expressing that we do have financial therapy services because sometimes it's a little hard to go through the holiday season. You may need a little help. So reach out to us. We also have courses available if you want to do online. At your own pace, you would like to take a course online. We have those courses available. We have financial therapy. We have personal financial success. Whatever you need, we want to support you in your endeavors. Also want to make sure you're practicing clear boundaries. You're not allowing people to step over. 

you this holiday season but you really enjoy the moment you express your love you are having fun with your family and you are being a better person because you're loving yourself so if you want to reach out to me at influencehermindset@gmail.com you can do that email me let me know how you're feeling how can I assist you if you want to have one of our You want to take it. Let me know. I can send it to you. Set it up. But please take some time to enjoy Thanksgiving. Start the holiday season. Great. I look forward to seeing you on the next show. Until then, I want to say express your love. Love yourself. Love your people in your life. Just show gratitude. Be thankful and let's kick off this holiday season and close out 2024 strong. This is the Influence Her Mindset Podcast, I’m Miko and I look forward to seeing you next time. Bye