Hi there, lady leader, and welcome to this week's episode of Leading Her Introvert Way. My name is Dr. Nicole Bryan. And if you are a returning OG, I just want to say welcome back. And if this happens to be the first time that you're hearing the sound of my voice, and the first time that you're listening to this podcast, I want to also extend a very, very warm welcome to you. Here we do three things. I help you get promoted to the executive level. So if you are interested in becoming a vice president, a senior vice president, an executive vice president, you are in the right place. The second thing that I help you do, and the second problem that I help you solve, is I help you develop the skills that you need to be a successful and respected executive in your organization and in the next organization that you choose to join. And then the third problem that I help you solve is I help you strategically design and lead your new department or your new team after you get promoted. So if any of those things are in your sites, then you are definitely in the right place.
Now, today I want to tell you about a conversation that changed everything for me in my career. I was sitting in a performance review and I was getting great ratings. I already knew I was going to get great ratings because I had hit my KPIs out the park for the entire year. I had exceeded expectations on every metric, at least every metric that I was aware of. I had led a project that even saved the company $2 million. And then my boss said the words that I'd heard before, actually. She said, You're doing great work, Nicole, but if you want to get to the next level, you really need to work on your executive presence. Now, I asked what that meant. Like what specifically should I work on? She paused, she thought about it for a second, and then she said, you know, just how you show up, your presence. That was it. That was the feedback. And that's when I realized in that moment, executive presence is like the tooth fairy of corporate America. It's a mythical concept we're all supposed to believe in, we're all supposed to work toward, we're all supposed to perform for, but nobody can actually define what the hell
it is. And that's not by accident. That is by design. So in this episode, I'm going to share with you why executive presence is failing black women in corporate, what it's really hiding, and what you should be focusing on instead. So ready? Okay, let's go. Let's talk about first what executive presence actually is. Because the people who tend to give us this feedback, our boss, other people in the organization, sometimes even our peers, they may not be able to define executive presence, but there actually is an expert definition. So according to experts, executive presence is made up of three different things. The first is gravitas, which means how you carry yourself. The second is communication, so how you speak, how you connect. And then the third is appearance, meaning how you look. Now, here's the problem with that. Every one of those things, gravitas, communication, and appearance, is subjective. Every one of these is based on who's looking at you and what makes them comfortable. Gravitas to one person is confidence. To another person looking
at a black woman, it could mean aggressiveness. Communication to one person could be being clear and being direct. To another person looking at a black woman, it's not being collaborative enough. Appearance to one person might be polished. To another person looking at a black woman, well, they just want you to straighten your hair or lower your voice and basically beform whiteness. The definition changes based on who you are, and that is how it is failing black women around the globe. Here's what happens to black women in particular. You get feedback. You get the feedback that you need more executive presence. So you work on it, you speak up more in meetings, you dress differently, you change your hair, you modulate your voice, because that is what you've interpreted that they mean by better executive presence. And then the feedback changes. Now, after you've worked on those things, now you're seen as being too aggressive, or now you're not collaborative, or now you seem angry. Okay, so then you start working on those things. You try to fix those things, and then the feedback changes again. This is what I call the moving
goalposts. And it's not accidental, it's actually designed to keep you chasing something that you can never catch. Because the real issue isn't your presence, the real issue is their discomfort with your blackness, your womanhood, your power. And you cannot fix someone else's discomfort by saying, um less. So, what is executive presence really code for when it comes to the black introverted woman? And let me be clear: executive presence actually equals you make white people comfortable. That's it. That's the real definition. When they say you need more executive presence, what they're actually telling you in their feedback is you should try to be less black. You should try to be less of a woman, you should try to be less you so that you can make me more comfortable. It is gaslighting dressed up as professional development. And here's how you
know that it's that. Because if executive presence were a real competency, we would be able to measure it. We could define consistent specific behaviors, and we could create a rubric, but we cannot because it's not a competency. It is not a leadership trait, it's a comfort level. And the standard for comfort changes depending on who's in the room and who's giving the feedback. Think about this. Warren Buffett rambles extensively in interviews. Have you ever seen him? He will go on and on and on. And he wears the same wrinkled suit every time. Yet nobody questions his executive presence. Elon Musk, I know we nobody wants to talk about Elon Musk these days, but Elon Musk says, uh, every third word. He's awkward on stage and he is a successful billionaire. Mark Zuckerberg, he wore hoodies to investor meetings and he still got funded. But if a black woman says um twice in a presentation where she just outlined a strategy to save $2
million, then she gets the feedback. You need to work on your executive presence. See the difference there? Their quirks are authentic leadership. Your humanity is a development area. That is not fair feedback. That is bias. So if executive presence doesn't always work for black women, what should you actually be focusing on? Now I'm gonna tell you exactly what I tell my clients who work with me in the elite executive experience program. Stop trying to build executive presence. Start building executive power. And power, my friend, is measurable. Power shows up in a multitude of ways. The first is through influence. Who asks for your input before making decisions? Whose ideas get implemented? Who do people come to when shit hits the fan? The second way that power is measurable is by impact. How much money have you made or saved the company? What problems have you solved that nobody else could? And what's your track record of delivery? The third way that power shows up as measurable is through advocacy. Who
speaks up for you when you're not in the room? Who's advocating for your promotion? Do you have sponsors, not just mentors, but sponsors? And the fourth way is through strategic positioning. Are you working on high visibility projects? Are you aligned with the company's strategic priorities? Do other executives know your name and what you do? Those four things, that's your scorecard. Not whether Susan from HR thinks you seem executive enough. Now, if you're an introverted black woman, this gets even more complicated because the traditional markers of executive presence are all designed for extroverts, speaking up in every meeting, commanding attention in a room, networking constantly, being visible all the time. And if that's not your natural style,
because it's definitely not mine, you're told you have a presence problem. But here's what I want you to know: your introversion is not a bug in the system. The system itself is the bug. The most powerful executives I know, many of them are quiet. They think before they speak, they influence in one-on-one conversations, not in performative meetings. They write strategic memos that get circulated, and they win before the meeting even starts. That is executive power, and it has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with how loud you are. I want to share with you what I call the substance hierarchy. Okay. And I really want you to listen to this because I think this is where a light bulb is going to go off for you. In tier one, I call tier one game changing. That's when you do strategic thinking that drives business results, right? That's part of the way you approach your leadership. You also will be problem solving
and problem solving things that nobody else can do. When you're game changing in tier one, you're building and leading high-performing teams. That is so substantive. Tier one, game changing. Tier two is when you're doing important things. There may not be game changing like tier one, but they're still pretty important. Things like clear communication of your ideas, the ability to influence without having formal authority, and relationship building with key stakeholders. That's tier two. Tier three of the substance hierarchy are what I call nice to have. Those are having a smooth delivery and presentation,
having confident body language, using no-filler words when you are actually communicating with other people. That's tier three, nice to haves. And then tier 47. Yes, I jumped from tier three to tier 47, but tier 47 are stuff that who actually cares about these things? You said um twice in your presentation. Your voice is too soft, you need to smile more. Most black women are being told to focus on tier three and tier 47 items. And I'm telling you to focus on tier one. Get so good at tier one that tier 47 becomes completely irrelevant. So here's what I want you to do this week. I want you to stop keeping a list of things you need to fix about your presence. And start keeping a list of the problems that you've solved, the money you've made or you've saved, strategic recommendations that you've given, people that you've developed, projects that you've led. That's what you should be keeping track of because that's your executive presence portfolio, not Toastmasters. Those things. Because all of those things are in tier one and tier two of the substance hierarchy. The second thing I want you to do is the next time
someone tells you to work on your executive presence, I want you to ask for specifics. Do not leave that conversation without getting specifics. Because what we're not going to do is assume, be very, very clear on what they are actually telling you. You can simply ask them, can you give me three specific measurable behaviors that you think I should change when it comes to my executive presence? Or you can say something like, what does success look like in this area? Or even, okay, executive presence, how exactly are you measuring that? When you ask for those types of specifics, sit back and watch them fumble because they're not going to be able to answer because it's not real. And if they do give you an answer, you're going to see that it's in tier 47. Okay, look, I know that this topic is a very important
one for so many of us. And it's also hard to hear, especially if you've been working on your executive presence for years. But I need you to hear this. You, my friend, are not the problem. In this instance, the system is. Your natural hear, it is professional. Your voice, soft, medium, or loud, it is executive. Your communication style, it is powerful. The question isn't whether you're good enough. The question is whether they're sophisticated enough to recognize excellence when it doesn't look like them. And while we're working to change the system, and trust me, we are, you still need to win within it. So stop chasing
presence and start building your executive power. And if you want help with that, I'm hosting a free webinar on March 14th at 10 a.m. Eastern time on this specific topic. And I'm going to walk you through the exact strategies that I teach my clients to build real power as introverted Black women leaders without burning out, without code switching, and without buying into the executive presence scam. I'm opening doors to this webinar next week, which is the week of February 23rd, if you're listening to this real time. So
keep your eye out for details either on LinkedIn or in next week's podcast episode. Until next week, lady leader, keep leading, keep disrupting, and remember, you belong in the room. You belong at that executive table. Now, let's make sure you own it. I'm Dr. Nicole Bryan, and this is Leading Her Introvert Way.