She left that meeting replaying everything she didn't say. Not because she didn't have anything to say, but because by the time she had the right thing to say, the conversation had completely moved on. And now she's questioning herself again. She's saying things to herself like, maybe I'm not ready. Maybe I need to be more outgoing. Maybe I need to work on my executive presence. But she's been telling herself that for years. But here's what nobody has told her. The same qualities that made her feel out of place as a middle manager, as a supervisor, as a manager, as a senior manager are exactly what the C-suite needs now. And I know that because I've seen it happen over and over and over again.
I had a client, her name was Shanice. She was the vice president of operations at an oil and gas company. Brilliant, strategic, and stuck. For eight years, she kept getting the same feedback. You need to be more visible. You need to speak up more. You need to network more. So she tried to fix herself. She joined Toastmasters, she forced herself to go to networking events. She practiced being more outgoing in meetings, even when she was leading the meetings. By the time she came to me, she wasn't just stuck, she was exhausted. Not from the work, not from the work itself, but from the performance. And I asked her one question: What would happen if you stopped trying to be an extroverted leader and started being an introverted leader? And she looked at me like I was cray cray, right? But here's what happened: she did stop performing. She started leading from her natural strengths, but strategically this time. And within 18 months, she finally got her senior vice president promotion. So you're probably asking, what changed? Well, she didn't become someone else. She became more of who she already was. But this time, she did it on purpose. And that's what we're talking about today.
There's a lie that you've been told about executive presence. Not just you, but all of us. We've all been sold the same lie. And it's been shaping how you see yourself for years. The lie is this: that executive presence looks like extroversion. That to lead to the highest level of the organization you're in or any organization, you have to be charismatic, highly visible, always networking, quick to speak, and commanding every single room. And here's the problem: that is just one style of leadership, but it's not the only one. And often not even the most effective style. Yet corporate environments don't just reward being extroverted, they perform it. And when one style is constantly rewarded, everything else starts to look like a deficiency, even when it's not. So when you start getting feedback like you're too quiet, in other words, you think before you speak. Or you need to network more, meaning you build depth, not surface-level connections. Or maybe you get the feedback you don't speak up enough, which is also meaning that you contribute with intention, not just frequency. This is not your problem. This is a misinterpretation of your leadership style. And I want to name something here that I see all the time. It's what I call the execution to executive gap. You've been rewarded for executing, being responsive, being visible, being on, being available. But executive leadership that requires something completely different. That requires things like discernment, restraint, strategic thinking. And most introverted women were never taught how to translate their strengths into that language, into the language of executive leadership. So instead of leveraging what already works, you've been trying to become somebody else. And that's where the disconnect happens. You don't need to become an extrovert, you need to build executive presence, but as an introvert. Okay, now let's talk about what that actually looks like, right? Because your introversion is not something that you need to work around.
Your introversion is not something that you need to hide. Your introversion is not something that you need to downplay, right? It is something that you need to claim and you need to leverage it. So I want to talk about the five advantages that you already have as an introvert, but you are not leveraging, you are not using them to your advantage. And you can start doing that tomorrow. The first advantage is strategic thinking. Now you've probably had this experience already. You're sitting in a meeting, you're listening to what the conversation is, you're processing, you're connecting the dots between what everybody is saying. And just about the time when you're ready to speak, someone else says something that's half-formed and they get credit for the idea. And you're sitting there scratching your head and thinking, that's not even fully thought through. And you're absolutely right because your brain doesn't work in sound bites, it works in strategy. You don't react quickly, but you do think deeply. And at the executive level, thinking deeply and thinking strategically is pure gold. Advantage number two, active listening. Now, you listen differently. You were just born that way. That's just the way you are, right? Not to respond, you don't listen to just respond, you listen to understand, which means that you catch things that most other people are missing. You hear the undercurrents of what people are saying. You catch the gaps between what is being uttered. You are clear, not just on what's being said, but what's not being said. And here's what most people don't realize. At the executive level, listening, not talking, but listening is power. Because the leader who listens, they learn faster. The leader who listens, they build trust faster. And the leader who listens ultimately makes better decisions. Not passive, that is influence. Okay, now let's talk about advantage number three of the five advantages. Advantage number three is depth over breath. You're not trying to know everybody. Hell, you don't want to know everybody. So that's not your goal. But instead of trying to know everyone, you are trying to know the right people and you want to know the right people very well. That matters because at the executive level, when you get into the executive suite, it's not about how many people know your name. It's about who is willing to say your name in rooms that you're not in. And that comes from depth, depth of relationships, not breadth. The fourth advantage that we're talking about today that you have as an introvert that you're probably underutilizing right now is the advantage of strategic silence. You don't feel the need to fill every moment. And I want you to hear this clearly because that's not a weakness. You don't need to fall prey to the assumption that if you're speaking, if you're a senior leader and you're speaking, that you're adding value. Because you and I already know that that's not true. So you don't have to fill the need to fill every moment with sound, with talking. What you want to do is use strategic silence as part of your executive presence, as part of how you show up. Because when you don't speak constantly, the words you do say carry more weight. When you pause, people will lean in. When you speak, people will listen. So being silent is not absence. Silence is control. And what we have to do as introverts is make sure that we position ourselves that way. So when we're in a meeting and we don't say anything, that's okay. You are likely believing that people are looking at you and judging you because you're not saying anything. But the only body that's actually probably judging you is you, particularly if you say something at some point in time and that something that you says is weighty. It has substance, it makes a difference. It's one thing if you show up to every meeting and you say absolutely nothing. Nothing comes out of your mouth at any time in any meeting. It's another thing when you show up to maybe 60, 70% of your meetings and don't say anything, but 30% of the time you say something and it shifts the entire conversation. You see the difference there? So you don't have to be constantly talking, but when you do talk, it has to land. Advantage number five that you as an introvert are probably not taking advantage of right now or not leveraging right now is sustainable leadership. And when we talk about sustainable leadership, I'm talking about your energy. And you already, as an introverted black woman, you manage your energy differently. You don't want to be on all the time. And that's not a limitation, that is intelligence. Because the leaders who make it long term, the meat leaders who make it to the top, are the ones who don't burn themselves out trying to be everything to everyone. You can lead in a way that is sustainable, and that matters more than you actually think. Now, I want to pause here for a second. We've covered all five of the advantages that you already have as an introvert that you're likely underutilizing right now. So I want to take a pause because I don't want you to just listen to these. I want you to see yourself in it. And I also want you to ask yourself: where have I been trying to perform instead of lead? And what would I change if I just trusted how I naturally think and how I naturally show up? Let me repeat those questions for you because I want you to really consider them. What you should be asking yourself now after listening to the five different advantages that you already have as an introverted leader is where have I been trying to overperform instead of lead? And what would I change if I trusted myself and how I naturally think and show up? Knowing yourself and knowing your strengths is one thing. Using them and using them at the right time, in the right moments, and strategically is another. So let's talk about how to actually do that.
The first leverage that I want you to think about using or doing differently is to stop apologizing. Somewhere along the way, you learn to apologize for how you lead. Sorry, I'm not more outgoing. Sorry, I need more time to think about that. Let me be very, very clear. You are not the problem in that sentence. You are not behind. You are not losing. You've just been measuring yourself against the wrong standard. So instead of saying, sorry, I need more time to think about that, own it. Own it as a black introverted woman. You know what? That is a really interesting point. I need some time to really think about that and think through the pros and cons, what the potential consequences could be, what the advantages are. I'll get back to you in the next day or so so we can kind of continue that conversation. Own it. Okay. The second thing that you can start doing, and as part of being an introverted black woman who wants to get promoted into more senior leadership roles and into the executive level roles, is to prepare deeply and then speak with precision. We already said you don't need to say more, but what you do say needs to matter. So before you go into a high-stakes meeting or presentation, prepare one or two insights that actually would shift the conversation. That's how you get known. That's how you get seen. Not for how often you speak, but for what happens when you actually do. We only need a handful of people, and frankly, that's all we have the energy for. And that's something that you could be also taking advantage of at work. You don't have to be in have strong professional relationships with everybody that you know in your workplace. That's not your strength. And it doesn't need to be your strength. But if you identify the five to maybe 10 people who actually influence decisions in your organization and you seek to build real relationships with them, that's not transactional, that's real. And that's the type of relationships that will move your career forward. The fourth thing in terms of leverage that you are likely not already taken advantage of, but you can is letting your work speak. Then you speak. So you've been taught to let your work speak for itself. And we already know, right? We as introts wish that the world would just work that way, but it doesn't. Yet that's what we've been leaning into all the time. We have been working hard. We are like our results will speak for themselves. But that's only half the strategy. Let your work speak first, then you speak. And you can speak in writing if that's where you're more comfortable, in conversations, if that's where you're more comfortable, or in rooms that actually matter. Because if you don't speak, if you do all the work and then you go silent, if you don't speak, you can bet your bottom dollar that somebody else will. And the last thing I want to talk about here is visibility. And when I say visibility, we as introverts get to define visibility for ourselves. When I'm talking about visibility for you as a leader who is ambitious and wants to continue to grow your career, I'm not talking about being everywhere at all times. What I'm talking about is being visible at the right time. You can build behind the scenes, but then you do have to step forward when it matters. So going back to my client, Shanice, she told me something after she got promoted. What she said to me was that she had spent eight years trying to be someone that she was not. And she was able to build a level of executive presence in 18 months of us working together by finally just being herself. What she had to do was unravel all the bad habits that she had formed across her 20-year career and then transform those into great habits, leveraging her introvert strengths. That's the shift. Your
introversion is not what's holding you back, it's what will make your leadership different. And it's what will make it needed. You don't have to become louder. You don't need to become someone else. You need to become more intentional about the leader that you already are. And if you're listening to this and you're thinking, you know what, this actually makes sense, but I don't know how to do this at my job. I don't know if this will work in my culture. I don't know if my company will allow me to make this type of transformation. That's exactly where my clients all start. I have two more spots left in the elite executive experience program right now. And those spots are going to be made available until March 21st. And those spots, though, are not for women who want to become louder, but for women who are ready to become more strategic about how they lead. Without code switching, without overperforming, without burning themselves out trying to prove that they belong. If that's you, then use the link in the show notes to book your call with me. You'll get on the calendar and we'll talk about what executive leadership actually looks like for you. Okay, lady leader.
SPEAKER_00Until next week, keep leading your introvert way.