Leading Her Introvert Way: Conversations about executive leadership, career growth, business and mindset for mid-life Black women.

61: You Can Change Corporate Or Choose To Let It Change You: An Introvert Leader's Choice

• Nicole Bryan • Episode 61

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What if the real issue with change isn’t about the change itself but the lack of control that comes with it? Let’s challenge this notion together. By drawing on personal experiences, we'll dissect the underlying discomfort often felt around change and highlight how introverted women can redefine their relationship with it. We'll tap into the mastery that exists in various aspects of our lives, turning perceived weaknesses into strengths, and reshaping how we view our capability to adapt and thrive in life and work.


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Speaker 1:

Hey, lady leader, welcome back to another episode of the Leading Her Way podcast. My name is Dr Nicole Bryan and I am your host, and I am really glad that we are here and together. If you are an introverted woman and you are a woman who wants to take her leadership to the senior leader or executive ranks, if you're a woman who is interested in building wealth for yourself not just wealth in terms of financial, but health wealth, career wealth, time and energy wealth, wealth, time and energy wealth and if you are a woman who is wanting more just wanting more for yourself, and don't want to limit who you are, who you can be and the impact that you can make, then you are in the right place, because that's what we're all about here on the Leading Her Way podcast. So we're at that time of year where I am just trying to slow everything down. We're coming to the end of fourth quarter. If you're listening to this in real time, it's the end of fourth quarter 2024.

Speaker 1:

And our professional environments and probably even our households are just in turmoil. Some of it's in a good way and, frankly, some of it is not in a good way, but we are feeling the pressure. I know, I'm feeling it. I'm sure you are feeling it as well. Just this week alone, I have been in a all day leadership. She was like listen, I know that you are feeling it. I think her exact words are I know your introverted heart is bursting right now. And what she meant by that. Because I'm so open about being an introvert and what I need as an introvert in my workplace and at home. Because I've been so open about it, she recognized that all of these long drawn out meetings that are happening at year end is taking its toll on me. I didn't even have to say anything. She knows and I wanted to share that because, first of all, I thought it was really funny but, second of all, to me that's an example of the power of owning your introversion and communicating to people what that means, what does being introverted mean and what you need as an introvert to be able to show up as your 110% self and to be able to contribute in a way that is going to move the business forward in a way that will benefit the organization, the benefit your team members and benefit you.

Speaker 1:

So, because I have been as open as I have been about being an introvert and my need for thought time and my need for having more one-on-one and small group conversations versus large meetings, and my desire to lead at the best level that I can lead. People around me on a day-to-day basis understand that I need space, that I need breaks in between my meetings, right, like that I need to decompress and that when I don't get those things, I'm not able to show up in the best way possible. So I just wanted to share that little scenario with you because, like I said, I thought it was really funny, but then I also thought that it was a example of another senior leader showing me compassion and acknowledging that I was leaning in more and doing more, just by sustaining myself in these longer term no break planning meetings. So if that is you and you are going through the same thing right now, or something similar, then I will continue to encourage you to own your introversion and to not only own it but also communicate to others what that means for you. If there's something specific that you need, if you need more breaks during the meeting, like, for example, I'm in lots of meetings and I always see particularly men, honestly, but sometimes women as well like sitting for a long time really disrupts their body right, makes them uncomfortable in their body, and then when they're uncomfortable in their body, they can't think straight, they're not able to contribute in a way into the conversation as consistently and as strongly as they could, and so what they'll do is you'll see people kind of stand up and start walking around could, and so what they'll do is you'll see people kind of stand up and start walking around.

Speaker 1:

They got to stretch their legs because sitting still for so long disrupts their blood flow essentially, and so it's not any different for us as introverts, like what we need is different, like that person needs to stand up and walk the room and you know stretch and you know do all those things to kind of get themselves back in the game. For us, as introverts, our need, our desire is to actually get a moment of quiet time, take a five minute break, step out of the room, clear our heads, that type of thing, and so I would encourage you to not only claim your introversion, but also take what you need to be able to be your best self, and to also communicate that like share, that there's nothing wrong with you needing quiet time, there's nothing wrong with you needing processing time. All of that is perfectly normal for us as introverts and perfectly fine, and so being able to communicate that and share that with others so that they can respect what you need, I would strongly encourage you to do that, if you are already doing so, okay, so let's jump into today's topic. Like I said, it is year end of fourth quarter 2024 right now, and so it's that time of year, right? You are probably seeing and hearing messages. Your inbox might be full of them Every time you log onto social media. I am confident that you are seeing things about New Year's resolutions, and with New Year's resolutions, the topics are usually about self-improvement or transformation in some way shape, form or fashion. It is all around us. It's probably on commercials. You're watching television online, or you're probably hearing your friends talk about what they're going to do or who they're going to become next year. All of this is everything that we will experience every December of the year, or every November, december timeframe and even into January.

Speaker 1:

People are talking about New Year's resolutions, but what I want to ask you is something different. Today, the question I wanna ask you, and I would encourage you to think about, is why do we only embrace change when we're the ones creating it. Why do we only embrace change when we create the change? And what if I told you that your discomfort with change isn't about the change at all. It's about control. So every year, right without fail, we eagerly make resolutions, right, and those resolutions are a form of us volunteering to change.

Speaker 1:

It could be about okay, I want to lose weight, so I'm going to change my eating habits. Or I want to get more physically strong, so I'm going to go to the gym starting January 1st. It could be about promotions, right. Like, I want to be a more senior leader, so, you know, starting January 1st, I'm gonna start working toward becoming a more senior leader. Or it could be hey, I want my life to be a better romantic life, so I'm going to put myself back out there.

Speaker 1:

Like I have a girlfriend right now who is she hasn't been on a date since before the pandemic. She's single, single black woman hasn't dated anyone since before the pandemic, and everything she's talking about right now is I am going to. She's going to get herself out there starting January 1st. She's going to sign up for. She's already picked the online dating apps that she's going to sign up for. She said she wants to start losing weight, to kind of get her body in shape, because she wants to share her body with someone. She's already putting plans in place, but that's going to start in the new year, versus in November or December. But all of these things she is eagerly making new year's resolutions, as do most other people, and those resolutions are a form of voluntary change.

Speaker 1:

But what these same people me, you, others we resist changes that are not necessarily voluntary. So if there's changes that are happening in our workplace that we did not initiate, we resist it. If other life changes happen to us, we resist it. So my question is why is that? There is a huge contradiction there. So is it that we don't like change, or is it that we don't like changes we are not in control of? So I would put it out there and I'm proposing that it's not the change that we fear. It's not change that we fear. Change happens to us every single day. Frankly, multiple times a day, we are experiencing change.

Speaker 1:

Change can be as simple as the route that you take to work or the route that you take to church, or the route that you take to drive to the grocery store. You take a different route. That's a change. Are we afraid of that? Are we afraid of going down a different road to get to a destination that we're familiar with, like physically going to church or going to pick up our kid from school or whatever? Is that bringing you fear or not? So is it? It's the change that we fear, or is it the feeling of potentially being powerless when it comes to that change? So if I'm deciding that I'm going to take the route to church that is five miles versus the route to church that is three miles, as long as I'm deciding it, I feel fine, fine. But if there is a blockade or a you know people, men doing construction on the road and I've got to wait they got the stop signs out. I've got to wait till the other traffic passes me, because now the two lane is now a one lane street Then I get frustrated, then I feel powerless, like I didn't set up that construction, I didn't change that two lane into a one lane, and so there's all these other emotions because I wasn't the one making the decision. That comes up with me and that makes me think that I don't like change. That makes me feel frustrated, that makes me feel like I don't understand why this is happening, and so it's not the change that we fear. It is the powerlessness that goes along with that or, in some cases, the unknown as to why this is happening and or how we're going to get through it and or how we're going to get through it.

Speaker 1:

So another example about this is you likely have made decisions before about changing your hairstyle. You get really excited about changing your hairstyle or, even better, changing your nail polish. We, as women those of us who get manicures we will change our. We'll get our nails down every couple of weeks, every three weeks, at least once a month, and when we do that, we are always looking to change the color or change the shape of our nails or whatever, and we get excited about it. Right, you're changing your hairstyle, it's something new. You're like, okay, how is this going to make me look? What kind of message do I want to send with my new nail color? Or what message do I want to send with my new hairstyle? And we're hyped up, we look forward to that.

Speaker 1:

Versus being told. When you're told to change your presentation style, for example at work, or you get feedback about how you might be able to improve something at work, you feel threatened. Why? What is the difference between those two things? Both of them are aspects of change in some shape, form or fashion. But why is it when you choose the hairstyle or you choose your nails or you choose your route to church? Why is that exciting? Versus when someone tells you to change something? Then, that is, you feel threatened. When you get feedback, you feel threatened.

Speaker 1:

I would implore you to challenge the narrative that, as an introverted, professional woman, you are change resistant, like the world says that about us. Right? They say that people in general don't like change. So, as introverted women, we too are often painted as not liking change, and not just not liking it, that we're gonna actually resist it. But if you look at your life, the reality is you've already mastered more changes than you realize. You have already flexed in so many different ways and successfully done so. You have already taken on challenges that others can't even fathom that you have taken on, and not just taken on, but conquered. So don't get caught up and don't allow yourself to get caught up in this I was going to curse Don't buy into the rhetoric that you are change resistant, that you don't like change, that you cannot change because you've already done it. You've done it at work, you've done it at home, you've done it as a woman. You've done it as a mom, as a woman, you've done it as a mom. You've done it as a human being. Right, you have already mastered more changes than you can even count, and you've done it like a boss. So the truth is, then, that you have mastered change in your past and you will continue to master change. How you do it becomes even more important.

Speaker 1:

So are you going to be the quiet person suffering because you stay in misaligned situations, or are you going to be the person who sees something that you don't like and you don't agree with, but don't say anything about it, don't speak up about it, don't advocate for what is actually right? These are some of the things that I talk to my clients about all the time. I see examples of this in workplaces that I have been in, whether I've been there as the senior leader or as a consultant or just as a guest. These are patterns that I will see. I will see someone sitting quietly and suffering when they know things could be different or should be better. There are times where, for example, you might have a boss. You have a difficult boss and you are just hoping and praying that that boss or that leader will leave. That boss or that leader will leave. That is a example of like suffering or staying in misaligned situations for yourself.

Speaker 1:

Another example is if you are waiting, that you're in meetings or you're in conversations or you're in situations where you are waiting for quote the right time unquote to speak up, as if there is such a thing as the right time when it comes to expressing your thoughts and expressing your opinions. Another example of waiting, or another thing that kind of happens often, is you are waiting for others to notice your contributions. These are all, to me, examples of the hidden costs of waiting for a change to happen, whether that change is just you vocalizing something, or a change where you are physically doing or taking an action or changing a behavior to make a larger impact. When you wait, when you hold yourself back, when you keep yourself from doing the things that you want to or should be doing, that you think you even think you should be doing, there is a cost to that. Every day that you wait for change is a day that you give away your power, and we don't want to do that.

Speaker 1:

We talk on this podcast all the time about how you need to be embracing your power, how you need to be leveraging your power, how you need to lean into your introversion as a superpower, as a hundred percent strength that you have. So every day that you wait for change that you know should happen or you want to happen, whether that change is with yourself, within yourself, whether that change is within your team or your department, or whether that change is within your organization hell department or whether that changes within your organization hell whether that changes in the world if you are waiting for it to happen, for someone else to do it, then every time that you do that, every day that you wait, you are literally giving away your power to somebody else. So the fact that you are an introvert is, in of itself, part of that power that we're talking about. The fact that you are a deep thinker makes you a better strategic player. The fact that you have these amazing, amazing observation skills as an introvert that shows and that means that you are seeing so much more readily than other people all these opportunities that are being missed. The fact that you, as an introvert, are a thoughtful communicator means that you have the ability to influence other people and decisions, big and small, that you're not taking advantage of, and so what I want to challenge you to recognize is, when you are doing those things, when you are waiting for something to change, when it's something that you yourself could freaking change Like, why are you waiting? What is waiting giving you? Is waiting going to get you to that change faster, or is it just continuing to slow you down? And I'm also challenging you to recognize that change is not this big beast, it's not something to be feared, because you have already negotiated and navigated so many or countless changes in your entire life and in your career. It is time for you to adopt the change makers mindset, and the changemaker's mindset is someone who is not running from change, but running towards change.

Speaker 1:

We talked about small examples of change right, even in your household. Right, when you are rearranging your furniture. Okay, one of my nieces is a person who swears that she hates change. Right, she will argue you to death that she does not like change. But this is the same woman who, every season, so every two to three months, she is completely rearranging her house and driving her husband crazy. She will change out everything. She will call me up and she'll be like auntie, I'm thinking about painting the walls or hanging these wallpaper. What do you think about that? Can you stop by the house and help me think about what kind of furniture or what covers that I could get and how I can rearrange this room so that I can take more advantage of the sun?

Speaker 1:

And she is literally changing some major aspect of her home every two to three months, and she doesn't just do it for herself, she invites everybody else to participate in it. She has sisters. She gets her sister's opinion. She'll call me up, she'll talk to her husband and she'll talk about it for like two, three weeks and then she'll take the action. But she doesn't like change yet here. She is regularly shifting things around in her house that make other people uncomfortable, by the way, but for her it's like a major project and she loves the outcome. To be 100 honest, half the time she doesn't like the outcome, which means that project is longer in duration, because she'll create the change. She'll shift it up, She'll sit with it for a couple of days. It doesn't feel good for her, so she changes it again, right? So that's what I mean by we convince ourselves that we don't like change, because if you ask her if she likes change, she will be like hell. No, I do not like change. I like things to stay consistent. Yet here, in a major part of her life and a major part of her world, she is constantly turning it up. She's constantly making things different and she loves it, she enjoys it, yet she's convinced herself that she doesn't like change.

Speaker 1:

And so what I want you to think about is I want you to think about what is your change maker mindset? Right? And the change maker mindset is two things, two things in particular. The first is you got to start believing in your change navigation abilities, meaning you already have a history of changing. There's, there's no way you've gotten to this point in your life without overcoming major changes, without going through major changes. You've probably moved homes. You've changed out. You've probably lived in. You could have lived in different states. You've had different relationships that have started and ended. You have, you know, worked maybe from different employers or at least had different roles at the same employer. You have at least had different roles at the same employer. You have changed your eating habits, right, you've lost weight, like. All of these things are changes, but yet you're still believing, you're still convincing yourself that you don't like change, that you can't be a part of big change. But you have already done all of that. So I need you to start recognizing and believing that you can navigate change, and the reason why I want you to believe it is because you already done it and you're gonna continue to do it. So that's the first part of making and shifting your mind into a change maker's mindset.

Speaker 1:

The second component of the change maker's mindset is actually starting to take initiative to create change. So, instead of waiting, so instead of waiting for your boss to tell you to do something, or instead of waiting for your husband or your partner to suggest what you're going to do for date night, or instead of waiting for someone else to bring up the idea that you've been thinking about and quietly whispering about for the last month, you do it. You take the initiative because waiting is costing you. Waiting is costing you time, it's costing you energy and it's costing you probably money, particularly when it comes to your career. If you are waiting to raise your hand for the right time, to raise your hand for that leadership role, that's costing you money. Boo, we don't want that. We're not trying to leave money on the table in terms of our salary and our bonuses or anything like that stock options. That's not what we want. You need to take the initiative to create the change that you want to see and that you want to be, instead of waiting. That change maker's mindset is really, really, really critical.

Speaker 1:

Now, if you're ready at this moment to actually take and create the change makers mindset for yourself, then I want you to do a couple of things. The first one is I want to challenge you to do the 72, what I'm calling the 72 hour change maker challenge, the first thing that you will do. There's three steps to the 72 hour change maker challenge. Step number one is do an audit. So, for 24 hours one day, what you will do is you're going to list three major changes that you successfully navigated in this past year so in 2024, you're gonna write down exactly how you managed each one and you're gonna identify patterns in your successful change strategies. So that's number one. You take an audit of yourself and all of the three major changes that you successfully navigated this past year. The second step in the 72-hour Changemaker Challenge is that you're going to create an inventory. And the second step creating your inventory that too will just be one day, 24 hours. It's gonna take you.

Speaker 1:

In those 24 hours you're gonna list every situation in your life where you are waiting for change, every situation, and then you're going to rate each situation's impact on your wellbeing one to 10. And then you're going to pick the highest impact situation. So, for example, for me, I want to move from my home. So I own a home right now and I want to move. There's a whole bunch of reasons why I wanna move. A little teaser on my two episodes from now on, my January 1st. I know the first Wednesday in January I'm dropping an episode where I'm going to talk more deeply about all of this stuff and things that are happening with me personally. But right now I want to move my house and I'm waiting Like I'm literally waiting for the springtime to do it. So for me, if I were doing the inventory, that would be one of the things that I list, because it's for the inventory. You're supposed to list every situation in your life where you are waiting for change. For me, I am currently waiting to change where I live, so that would go on that list. Then I would rate that situation's impact on my wellbeing, I would say, on a scale from one to 10, meaning how important it is for my wellbeing and for me. That's pretty important For me. I would say where I live is probably up there, maybe an eight, maybe a nine in terms of impact on my wellbeing, and then I would pick the highest impact situation. So that's the inventory piece.

Speaker 1:

The third part of the 72 hour change maker challenge is initiative. Of the 72 hour change maker challenge is initiative. So design one small but significant action to initiate change in your chosen situation, schedule exactly when you'll take this action and then share your commitment with one trusted person. If we follow my example here that I put out there so changing my home or selling my home Then for me in the initiative section to design one small but significant action to initiate change, I would probably call or identify my realtor. I should say identify my realtor, and then I would likely schedule the next one would be scheduled exactly when you'll take this action and I would say I'm gonna do that by the end of the week and then share with my commitment with one trusted person. I would probably tell my closest friend. That's kind of how it would play out.

Speaker 1:

So, just to recap, this is a change maker challenge. It's a three day or 72 hour change maker challenge. It's a three day or 72 hour change maker challenge, and each day you are focusing on something different, some different aspect of taking steps toward making the change. Day one you do an audit. You just literally list three major changes that you've navigated in the past year, and you're doing that to show yourself that you can initiate and make your way through major changes. On day two, you take an inventory, which means you list every situation in your life right now where you're waiting for change, and that gives you an opportunity to think about why the hell am I waiting? Should I be waiting Like, is there a real reason to wait or should I be doing something different? And then the third is taking initiative on the third day, and all of that means is that you are designing one significant action to initiate change in the chosen situation. Okay, that's the 72-hour change maker challenge. You can take whatever you choose. It could be something that work, it could be something in your personal life, it could be something that crosses over both, but choose something.

Speaker 1:

So as we wrap up, lady leader, I want to emphasize that change isn't something that happens to you. It's something that happens through you, and you don't want to be in a position where you are always waiting to change. You want to be in a position where you are initiating change for yourself and for others, at work and at home, mentally and physically. There is so much power in being a changemaker. Changemakers literally shape the entire world, and if you are a woman leader, introverted, who wants to move into the senior leader or executive ranks, then being a change maker has to be a part of that, because there's no way you want to get into that level of leadership and want to just continue the status quo. So practicing and building that change maker muscle right now is what you need to be doing. And if you are making change wherever you are in your career, then you want to become even better at it so that when you are in that senior leadership and executive level, when you do have more decision-making authority and more power, when you have all the influence that you can muster, that you are using it and leveraging it to make big, big, impactful change. That's the only way we're going to literally recreate this world that we are in.

Speaker 1:

Being introverted. It isn't a barrier to being a change maker. It's actually something that differentiates you and makes you even stronger. So the question for me isn't whether you can handle change, because you've already done that. You've proven that countless times. The real question is are you ready to stop waiting and start creating the changes you deserve and the changes that you want to see? And if that answer the answer to that question for you is yes, then I want to invite you to join me in my one-on-one coaching, which is called the elite executive experience, and in that one-on-one coaching program, you and I get the opportunity to work closely together.

Speaker 1:

You and I have the opportunity to co-create what the next steps of your leadership career look like. You and I get to proactively create the change for your career that you want. So we don't just design it. We take the steps, we do the things, we create the actions that will give you what you desire, both in the short term and the long term for your career desire both in the short term and the long term for your career. The good thing about it actually the best thing about it is that it is completely customized to your goals. It is completely customized to what you want and what you need, and it not only builds on your strengths, but it also also pinpoints the areas where you most want to improve. It pinpoints the areas where you wanna change from within to become that executive leader and to secure that higher ranked leadership role, your seat at the table and everything that comes with it, the compensation that comes with it, the decision-making authority that comes with it, the compensation that comes with it, the decision-making authority that comes with it, the responsibility for the entire department, the entire division, the entire enterprise, all of that stuff. So if you are ready to start creating the changes in your career as well, then definitely click the link in the show notes and let's just have a conversation about whether the elite executive experience is right for you.

Speaker 1:

Until next time, lady leader, keep leading your introvert way. That's a wrap for this episode of leading her way. Thanks for tuning in. If you have thoughts, questions or ideas for future topics, connect and send me a message on linkedin and if you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe. And please take a minute to write a quick review on apple podcast. Your review will help spread the word to other ambitious females so they know they're not alone and that this podcast is a community of support for all of us leading her way to the top. Remember your leadership is needed. Your leadership is powerful, so lead boldly Until next time.