Leading Her Introvert Way: Conversations about executive leadership, career growth, business and mindset for mid-life Black women.

63: 3 Questions Every Introverted Woman Leader Should Answer Before Becoming An Executive

• Nicole Bryan • Episode 63

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For ambitious introverted women striving to break into senior leadership, strategic reflection is a game-changer. Discover a practical three-question framework that promises to enhance your strategic thinking and self-awareness. This episode is a testament to the endless possibilities that emerge when we pause, introspect, and adapt.

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Speaker 1:

Hi, lady leader, and welcome back to another episode of the Leading Her Way podcast. If you are a female leader who is introverted and ambitious so ambitious that you want to take your career as far as you can possibly go to the senior leader and the executive level ranks of whatever organization your heart desires then you are in the right place, because that's what we are all about here. We are committed and dedicated to helping all introverted women be the best leaders that they can possibly be at home and at work, and to claim their inner power and leverage it to make the world and the workplace a better environment. So today I am super excited because we are at the top of the new year of 2025.

Speaker 1:

And listen, I don't know about you, but the traditional holiday seasons that fall at the end of the year even since I was a little girl, it's never been like my thing. Of course, I enjoy all of those occasions, whether it be Kwanzaa, christmas, hanukkah right, hanukkah right Like. I've lived in environments and in neighborhoods where each of those holidays are celebrated and acknowledged, but they've never really gotten me jazzed up. I've enjoyed them, but never really like my thing. My thing has always been celebrating. The new year has always been celebrating the new year, and even at work, like when I am leading my teams, my departments, my organizations it's the new year that I get jazzed about, so much so that, while many of my colleagues would have team celebrations and team dinners in the December timeframe to acknowledge the holidays, I would always wait till like the first or the second week in January and celebrate it. I mean for a number of different reasons. One, it's less attached to any specific religious holiday celebrating in the new year. And then, two, there's just something about renewal. As you guys know, I'm all about change. I'm all about doing something different, thinking different, becoming different, if that's what we want to be, and the new year signifies that for me. So I've always kind of stressed celebrating the new year. It also makes me think about the endless possibilities we each have the wherewithal to make our dreams come true, and there's something about the new year that kind of reinvigorates that energy for me.

Speaker 1:

So that's what we're going to be doing today on this podcast episode. We're going to be talking about renewal and reflection as part of transitioning to a new year. So, as an introvert, you already are likely very reflective, right? We are very into deeply reflecting on who you are, who you want to be, what you're doing, what you want to do. And so we're going to mark that occasion, we're going to take advantage of your natural strength and ability to deeply reflect and we're going to celebrate it as part of our new year and planning for the new year. Our new year and planning for the new year and we're gonna do that by I'm going to introduce to you and share with you a simple but very, very powerful reflection framework that I have used probably for the last 20 to 30 years, both with myself, with my team members, my direct reports, with colleagues in my clinical practice, as well as with my clients, now, today, and it works.

Speaker 1:

And because it's so simple and because it works, I wanted to share it with you. We'll go through a couple of personal examples as well, just so that you can see how the framework actually plays out. So, before we actually talk about the framework itself, I do want to take a minute to just highlight and emphasize the power of strategic reflection. So many of us are rushing through life you are probably rushing through life, I rush through life and there are very few moments throughout the year where we actually pause and slow things down for ourselves, and what tends to happen, particularly around the new year, is that people are so interested in leaving what they didn't like about the new year is that people are so interested in leaving what they didn't like about the previous year. Behind that, they just try to fast forward. They just try to fast forward time to get into the new year, to get into what might be possible. However, I personally have found a great deal of strength from pausing as we are transitioning from an old year to a new year and actually thinking through what not just what happened that I didn't necessarily like or didn't necessarily benefit me, but, more so, why it happened and how it could have been handled differently. What different outcomes might there have been if I had made different decisions or taken different actions?

Speaker 1:

And so the reason why this is important not just for me, but for you and any other introverted woman who wants to move up into senior leadership is because the ability to personally reflect is directly related to strategic thinking skills, which is a integral part of being a senior leader. So, when you are in a position when you can practice strategic planning in your personal life, practice strategic planning in your personal life and strategic planning in your personal life does include personal reflection, then that strengthens your ability to think strategically in your professional life. Pausing reflecting and thinking strategically in your personal life also is important to you as a potential and future executive leader, because it helps you to identify and stay connected to your emotions and it helps you to assess your mental state. I am confident that you have run into leaders who are not able to regulate their emotions, so they have emotional outbursts or they're extremely moody and everyone around them has to learn how to deal with that, whereas if that individual was emotionally mature, then they would be able to not only identify what they're feeling but productively use that state. So when you do not have a good handle on your emotions, then that impacts everybody around you, and it usually impacts everybody around you in a very negative way, as you are practicing and building the muscle of strategic reflection, which is directly connected, as I mentioned, to strategic planning. Part of that is being emotionally aware and regulating your emotions, which will make you a better senior leader. Similarly, that mental capacity of understanding and knowing where your mind is, what is circulating there, how what you're thinking is impacting what you say and how you act. That is also a result of being deeply reflective and understanding. Seeing how all of the dots connect to. What you think, impacts what you say, impacts what you do. So that combination of being emotionally aware and being able to assess yourself in terms of what you think like your mental state, those are key factors of being a senior leader.

Speaker 1:

Also, too many organizations and too many senior leaders people who are in senior leadership roles today don't acknowledge that importance and don't teach it, don't hold people accountable for it, and that, in my opinion, is why the state of corporate around the world is the way it is today, but more and more organizations are starting to acknowledge it. So for you, as a growing and aspiring leader, it is important for you to do that, and it does take time. What I enjoy about this is that it's a never ending growth path, meaning that it's not as if you learn how to assess yourself, your mental state and you learn how to assess yourself your mental state and you learn how to regulate your emotions and then that's it. It doesn't work like that. We continue to grow as people in our leadership roles and our emotions will change. Our mental state will change, how we handle both of those things will change, and that is actually a good thing, because the more we learn, the more we lead, the more we learn, the more we are able to apply what we learn to ourselves and to our teams and make everything better.

Speaker 1:

That many organizations, many people, maybe even you, think of leadership development and self-care as two different things, when they are not. They are intricately intertwined. And so when you think about what we're talking about today in terms of being a strategic thinker, being able to deeply reflect, those things are a part of self-care as well. Right, they are a part of being a good leader, and so you can see how the two can be, and should be, connected. And so your ability to strategically reflect is where self-care meets leadership development. It is the opportunity where you get to Think about what you've learned, take what you've learned and use it as part of being a better leader. It is where you get to use your emotions in a very positive way and you are able to become stronger mentally, which we all know is important as you navigate any type of environment, including your professional environment. So let's get into it, right.

Speaker 1:

So let's talk about the three question framework, and I will say I don't have a fancy name for this framework. I've been using it, like I mentioned earlier, for decades and it has served me so, so well. I probably should think about a sexy name for it. But I don't about a sexy name for it, but I don't have a sexy name for it. I just call it my three question framework. With that, this framework is applicable in many different environments, many different ways, many different points of the year. We're using it right now as we transition from one year to the other, but in any situation where you need to pause and think and make adjustments to your behavior, your thoughts, your actions, this framework will serve you well. So I'm just going to tell you the framework really quickly and then I'll talk about how it can be applied, and then I'll use myself as an example. I'll just walk through a couple of examples to show you how powerful it can actually be.

Speaker 1:

So the framework is three simple questions. The three questions are number one what worked well? Number two, what did not work well? And number three what will you change going forward? So those are the three questions that you would ask yourself in any situation in which you are looking to improve or do something different or get better. So, for example, we're going to use it right now as part of our year end and new year reflection. But you can also use it if you are working on a major project and that project is over and you know that some other project is going to be coming up soon. Then it will be important for you to think through and reflect on what worked well with the project you just completed, what didn't go well and, frankly, what would you need to change as you move into the new project that you're about to take on.

Speaker 1:

You can use this framework with career transitions, when you're moving from one company to another company, or if you're moving from one career field to another career field. You can use it even if you're taking on a new role within a company. So, for example, you're moving from a senior manager role to a director role within the same organization. You already know the environment, you're very familiar with the company and the company culture, but you're starting a new role. So it's an opportunity for you to take what you did well from your previous role into the new role, but then also to make some changes and so asking yourself what worked well in your former role what didn't go well, and then taking what didn't go well and figuring out what you're gonna do differently as you start your new role.

Speaker 1:

You can use this three-part framework when you have personal life transitions, when you are looking to move from one home and buy another home, or move from one apartment to another apartment. You can use it when you might be ending a personal relationship whether it be a friendship or romantic relationship and starting a new one. For example, if you are ending a romantic relationship, there are probably some things that worked really well with that relationship that you enjoyed and that you would want to make sure that whoever you picked as your new partner had those same capabilities or had those same attributes. There might be some things that didn't work well and you would make sure that you screen for that when you look for a new partner, and then there might be some things that you would want to change. So the three-part framework is so powerful. It's broad but it is very powerful, and the power is actually not necessarily in the specific questions, but how you answer the questions, meaning that how you pause and think and how deep you're willing to go in answering each of those questions, because you can go really deep and make very, very significant shifts for yourself for the better.

Speaker 1:

So with that, I will use myself as an example and again, let me repeat the questions. The first question is what worked well. The second question is what didn't work well? And the third is what are you going to do to change going forward? So, if I use myself as an example, I would talk about this podcast.

Speaker 1:

This podcast is something that I started over a year ago, but I had to make some significant changes in 2024 on the podcast. Let me use that as an example and walk through the framework. So the first question is what worked well? So I started the Leading Her Way podcast as a opportunity and a part of my broader company which is called the Change Doc and, as you already know, both Leading Her Way as well as the Change Doc is completely dedicated to helping introverted women build themselves into stronger leaders.

Speaker 1:

The thing about this podcast is that it scared the crap out of me. Meaning as an introverted woman who my power up until this podcast has been very understated. The way that I show up as a leader has always been very understated. I have been that person who likes and enjoys being behind the scenes, and I would always be a huge source of strength to people around me, but not necessarily myself having to be out front right, I would be kind of that support behind the scenes, valued, highly, highly valued, but not necessarily always visible. And so what this podcast has taught me and what I've had to think about and make proactive decisions about, is how I show up. And so when I think about the question of what has worked well, there's been a couple of things worked well.

Speaker 1:

There's been a couple of things. One is because this podcast and doing a podcast was so new and different for me, I knew that I did not and could not do it by myself. Well, that's not true, I could do it by myself. But because I was thinking strategically, I knew that if I tried to start this podcast on my own, without any help from people who know about the podcasting industry, that it would be more difficult for me to get it off the ground and that I would have a lot more trips and falls and failures before I would start to see success. And so I decided to hire a coach, and that has worked very, very well for me. It was a financial investment, it was a time investment, but I am happy to say that it has paid off tremendously.

Speaker 1:

My reach the podcast has a you're listening, which is fantastic, and you are one of many people who have been listening to my episodes, and so the reach of the podcast has gone to. I think we're up to like 75 different countries right now I can't even remember the number of actual cities, but every major city in the United States. The podcast episodes and downloads have continued to grow and so my message is actually getting out there. People are listening, you are listening, for which I am extremely grateful. So hiring a coach was a great thing. That happened If I answered the question.

Speaker 1:

The second question, which is what didn't work well? Well, so what didn't work well was me trying to script out my podcast episodes. Now, I know you can relate to this because I've admitted before on this podcast that one of the things that I am always trying to improve is my public speaking abilities, and one of the ways that I thought would be helpful for me as I started the podcast was to write out for every episode what I wanted to say, usually verbatim. So the first 10 to 15 episodes that are on the podcast is me reading from a script and, although it gave me comfort to know exactly what I was going to say, it landed flat, meaning that it felt so scripted that it gave me no flexibility and it felt like I was robotic in terms of how I was showing up as a leader on this podcast podcast, and I also felt like I wasn't showing up in a way that I would want or advise you to show up as a leader in your environment, meaning yes, you want to have a plan, yes, you want to know what you are directionally, where you're going, what you're going to say.

Speaker 1:

But when you try to control something so much, it very, very rarely turns out to be something positive. And that's what happened for the first 10 or so, 10, 15 episodes of this podcast podcast. I had to build the muscle of doing and recording the episodes so that I could start to let go of trying to control every aspect of it, and when I was able to let go of controlling every word that was coming out of my mouth, I then was able to show more of my personality. I then felt more connected to you as my listener. I then was able to laugh and joke and engage and it felt more natural, and the feedback that I've gotten from you as my listeners is that you felt that, that you felt the difference as well. So it did not work well for me to try to script out verbatim what I wanted to say for every episode, so I was able to change that midway through the year and it's been working well ever since.

Speaker 1:

The third question is what will you change going forward? So I've given this a great deal of thought. I still think there's some definitely room for making the podcast even better and, with some of the feedback that you've given me, I've come up with some ideas. The first one is definitely bringing on more of your questions. The first one is definitely bringing on more of your questions. So, whether that is having you as guests, other leaders as guests on the podcast, or responding to the questions that you are asking, I've already done two listener question episodes in 2024, and the response to those episodes have been extremely positive, which says to me Nicole, you need to add more of these into the rotation. So I'm definitely gonna be doing that responding to your questions on the podcast more frequently.

Speaker 1:

The second thing I'm gonna try to change is actually to shorten each episode. We are all busy leaders and time is money, and so I want to make sure that I am delivering and giving you quality while also respecting your time. Now you haven't necessarily asked for shorter episodes, but I think I have a opportunity to start practicing being more concise and delivering the episode in a way that is more easily digestible for you, including shortening the timeframe. So that'll be a second thing that I strive to change moving into the new year. And then the third thing is starting to flush out this concept of you building wealth as a introverted female leader and we've talked about the definition of wealth on the podcast before a broad definition, not just being financial, but I do think that there is a lot of richness there, and the feedback that I've gotten from so many of you is that you want more of that content, and so that's what I'm going to deliver.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so hopefully, in that quick example, you can see how you would use the three question framework to do and guide yourself through some deep reflection, if this resonates with you. I mean, I obviously just answered one example for each of the questions. When I normally do this with myself and my clients, I ask them to do a minimum of three responses to each question. So I encourage you to take the three-part framework and start using it for yourself. If you haven't already done some deep thinking about your new year, then use it now. If you've already done that exercise for yourself, then I would encourage you to keep the three-part framework and use it in the future at any point where you are making some major type of transition.

Speaker 1:

If you're going to do it now, then I would encourage you to schedule some dedicated reflection time. Take some time and space away from your daily routine. Sit down for an hour to whatever amount you need and focus. I would also encourage you to create a safe space for that deep thinking. So don't sit in the middle of the living room with the TV on and your family around you talking. That is all going to be distracting. Go to a safe space where you feel comfortable. That's away from your day-to-day, so that you can do the work.

Speaker 1:

Then I also encourage you to write it down. So, whether that's on a piece of paper, if you journal, write it in your journal. If you take notes on a phone app, put it in there wherever, but don't just do it in your mind. Document it somewhere, because you are going to well. First of all, the science shows that when you write things down, it sticks longer and deeper, so that in of itself is a reason to write it down. But, second of all, you may want to go back to it. You may want to when you get to the end of the first quarter. You may want to go back to what you wrote, to see and remind yourself and to determine whether you need to make adjustments. So, definitely write it down. And then I would want you to make sure that you are not just thinking about the things, but you are turning what you are thinking about into actionable goals for 2025. And then, finally, what you would likely benefit from is if you set yourself regular check-ins, and usually what I would encourage, what I do myself is at the end of every quarter so at the end of March, at the end of June and then again at the end of September, I literally mark my work calendar and I will say check back with your 2025 goals. Okay, lady leader.

Speaker 1:

So, as we wrap, I just want to remind you that we, as introverted women, have so many great strengths and and naturally, deep thinking is one of our strengths. What I'm encouraging us to do here is to take that strength and to make it work for us in a new and different way. To take our natural tendency to think a lot and to think deeply and to turn that into self-reflection, which automatically transitions into strategic thinking. As a introverted leader, as you do this exercise, if you come up with things and you want to share, I would love to hear from you. I would love to know that you have taken this and you are making it work for yourself, and if you want to share this three-part framework with your team, with your family, please feel free to do so. It is a powerful, powerful, powerful tool and if you use it in the right way, it will serve you not just now, but forever. Okay, lady leader, that's a wrap. I want to wish you a very, very, very happy new year. 2025 is going to absolutely rock and I look forward to being in your ears throughout.

Speaker 1:

Until next time, keep leading your introvert way. Until next time, keep leading your introvert way. That's a wrap for this episode of Leading Her Way. Thanks for tuning in. If you have thoughts, questions or ideas for future topics, connect and send me a message on LinkedIn, and if you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe and please take a minute to write a quick review on Apple Podcasts. Your review will help spread the word to other ambitious females so they know they're not alone and that this podcast is a community of support for all of us, leading her way to the top. Remember your leadership is needed. Your leadership is powerful, so lead boldly Until next time.