Leading Her Introvert Way: Conversations about executive leadership, career growth, business and mindset for mid-life Black women.

70: {Black History Month} How Black Female Introverted Leaders Build Strategic Relationships for Career Success

• Nicole Bryan • Episode 70

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This special episode, part of our Black History Month 2025 series, is designed to challenge stereotypes and highlight the vital roles mentors, sponsors, allies, and colleagues play in your professional journey as a black, introverted, female leader.

Whether you're looking to redefine your networking approach or establish lasting professional connections, this episode offers valuable insights to help introverted leaders thrive in their careers.


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Speaker 1:

Hi, lady Leader, and welcome back to another episode of the Leading Her Way podcast. My name is Dr Nicole Bryan and I am your host. If this is your first time here and you are interested in becoming the best leader that you could possibly be, and you're also interested in advancing your career to the executive level, then you are definitely in the right place. And if you are a returning listener, welcome back. You know how we do it here. Okay, so we are in the middle of a series, right? So we are in the middle of a series that is dedicated to Black female introvert leaders, and we're doing this in honor of Black History Month in 2025, if you're listening, real time and if you're listening to the replay, that's the timeframe that we're in. So this is episode three of the series, but we have had two prior episodes and if you haven't already listened to them, then I strongly advise that you go back and check it out.

Speaker 1:

We've been talking about some very powerful stuff. So in episode 68, which is the first of our series, we talked about identity, right, and the unique position that black female leaders are in if they are introverted, because they're dealing with four different significant aspects of personality that, when combined, make them so unique and make you so distinctive. Being black, being female, being introverted and being a leader All of those, as you navigate the corporate space, the nonprofit space or whatever your workplace is, really sets you apart in what I believe is actually a good way, but sets you apart and makes you distinctive in how you think, how you show up and the actions that you take. Now, in the second episode of the series, which is episode 69, we talked about being part of the quiet disruption, which is about breaking the loud black woman stereotype. So in that episode, we talked about and covered the truth that black female introverted leaders often have to deal with the double bind of being too black in certain environments and not being not black enough in other environments. So definitely go check that out, because both of those episodes are precursors to today's conversation, where we are going to talk about building your circle right. So, essentially, how to establish and develop strategic relationships for yourself as an introverted black female leader.

Speaker 1:

Now, if you're anything like me, when you hear the word networking, you either cringe or you want to go hide under your desk, because that's exactly how I feel and, if I'm honest, I felt like this all the way back to my college days. I remember back in those days. I don't know how it is now, but back then you had the career center and you would go into the career center and sometimes they would recommend that you reach out to some of the alumni who either worked for a company that you might be interested in or they worked in an industry or field that you were interested in. And essentially you would have to cold call the alumni and talk to them, right, ask them questions, maybe sometimes ask them for introduction to someone else at the company. And I remember cringing every time my counselor would recommend that to me. And you can always, you can bet that I just didn't do that always, you can bet that I just didn't do that. But what I didn't realize at the time was it was because I was so introverted, right, I didn't like the idea of networking. I didn't like the idea of, you know, having to speak and come up with small talk, whether it was on the phone or in person. I definitely didn't like going to actual networking events.

Speaker 1:

I remember back then too, they had these kind of career fairs where companies would come to the campus and they would set up, you know, in the gym or someplace else, and basically you would have to go around to the different tables and introduce yourself and ask questions, and sometimes they would even do on the spot interviews. I totally, totally sucked at those types of environments and, honestly, I didn't do it. I was just thinking I can see it right now. Right, they would have the banners up of their company and then you would, you know, go and you would talk and, oh my God, I can just having chills right now. Um, anyway, I absolutely hated it because and and I always used to see other people and they were so good at it, right, they would have all of their resumes printed, they would go, they would chit chat with, like company after company, and I'm like, how are you doing this? Like, I see what's happening, but I literally am exhausted just watching you do it, let alone thinking about how I could do it myself. And I didn't know it at the time, but again, it was because I was introverted, and introverts just that's just not our cup of tea. Naturally, I found myself trying to force it, you know, and I may make it to one or two tables, but even after that I was so exhausted that I couldn't. I just couldn't go on Fast forward to today, and I can honestly say that I have an exceptionally strong professional network.

Speaker 1:

But I also know that only 25% of Black women feel that they have strong professional networks, which is why I wanted to talk about this topic today, right For you as an introverted black female leader. What does your professional network look like? Is it strong, is it diverse, and do you have a professional network that you can leverage that will serve you when you need it to serve you, whether it's on something small like sending an introductory email, or something big like helping you find your next job? So let's first break down what we're talking about here. So when I talk about professional or strategic relationships, I'm talking about in your professional life. Obviously, you likely already have connections in your personal relationships that could probably serve you as a professional as well, but I'm mainly talking about. What we're mainly talking about today is definitely in the professional realm, and there's different types of relationships in the professional realm. Right, we have mentors, we have sponsors, we have allies, colleagues, coworkers. All of these are different adjectives that we use to describe certain and different you know relationships that we have in a professional setting, the ones that I want to talk about specifically today is I want to distinguish between mentors and sponsors.

Speaker 1:

Now, mentors are someone. It's someone who gives you guidance and advice and someone who basically has wisdom. Usually you'll look for a mentor who has, you know, maybe done what you're trying to accomplish. That person has stood in your shoes at some point in time throughout their career and so they can advise and guide you and counsel you from a position of having been there, done that. So that's when you will seek out a mentor, mentor. They could work in your company, they could work in a different company, they could work in an industry. Maybe you met them at a, you know, a public event or a association event, a professional association event. Your mentor doesn't necessarily have to work in the same setting that you do. As long as they have an informed stance of what you are looking for or what you're trying to accomplish, they likely will be able to mentor you and do it very well. So mentors give guidance and they have a lot of wisdom, and they have a lot of wisdom.

Speaker 1:

Sponsors, on the other hand, are a little different. So, sponsors, they will actively support your career advancement. So normally, a sponsor is someone who is in a senior level role and normally they are within your company, right? Because they need to have influence and insight to what's happening within your organization. Sponsors will advocate for you. They will tell you when positions are being open. They will speak on your behalf in a positive way when you are not able to speak for yourself. They will champion you to get exposure and to get rewarded and to move up in your company. So a sponsor will use their political power and influence on your behalf to help you achieve exactly what you want to achieve in terms of your career advancement. So you can see the difference there between what a mentor and a sponsor is, and you know what. This is a whole nother episode. So I will probably circle back to this in a couple of weeks and do a specific episode on this. It's particularly how you can secure a mentor and secure a sponsor. If that's something that you guys are interested in, then definitely let me know. Shoot me a DM or send me a message and let me know so that I can make sure that I get that into the rotation. So that's the difference between what a mentor is and what a sponsor is.

Speaker 1:

When I talk about allies. Allies don't necessarily have to be people who are in a position of power, but one of the things that you want to make sure you have in terms of professional relationships are people who see you and view you positively and are not necessarily afraid to talk about you in a positive way to other people. We very often underestimate the power and influence that our peers have and our direct reports have, and if you are in a company where there is a lot of, you know, cross team interactions, then everybody who works with other people can be an ally for you, right? So one of the things that I have seen done wrong across many organizations that I've worked for is that people will only think about leveraging individuals who are above them. Right, so we manage up well. You know we are always looking to impress. You know, our boss's boss, but when it comes to the people who we work with every day, it is a mistake to underestimate making a good impression with them. These are the individuals who, whether they're on our direct team or they are, you know they work in sister departments or departments that we have to interact with all the time. For whatever reason, many professionals are not as careful in terms of how we interact with people who we, you know, see and talk to every day.

Speaker 1:

I would advise and say that those individuals, it's just as important because they can be your allies. They can be your eyes and your ears when you are not around. They can be your you know. They can be your endorsers when you are looking to do something new and different. They can be your informants when you need to have certain pieces of information that you don't have direct access to. So a perfect example of that is, you know, if you've ever had the opportunity to work with an administrative assistant or an executive assistant, they don't have to be your executive assistant, but any administrative assistant or an executive assistant. Technically, if you think about where those individuals or those roles fall, on the org chart, they're usually deemed junior positions, right. But the truth of the matter is because of their you know accessibility to information across the organization, people in those roles are very much in the know. They know stuff before sometimes the executives know. And so that's what I mean by allies. Allies does not. It's not based on role or level within the organization, but it is based on individuals who you interact with on a regular basis and who can help you stay on top of the things that you need to stay on. Who could have your back, even when it's not something that would benefit them personally, right? So don't think about it in terms of role, just thinking about it in terms of relationships. So that's mentors, sponsors, allies.

Speaker 1:

Now, as an introvert, as you think about networking, I want you to reimagine what networking is. Told the story earlier about, you know how I would literally almost have panic attacks, frankly, at the thought of networking. In fact, let me tell you another story. So most recently I would say right before the pandemic I actually went to a change management networking event in New York City, and I was living in DC at the time, and so I had to take the train into New York City. It was a three-day event and I hate conferences. I already know I hate conferences, right, but what was happening was is that I was starting a change management function in my company, and so I wanted to go to this change management conference so that I could talk to other groups who either were starting their own change management function or who had already done it, so I could have the opportunity to learn from them, and I had already looked at who was attending, and there were a couple of specific teams that I wanted to have the conversation with, but I knew that this was going to be an event of like 200, 250 people and I was just. I just I did not have the energy, and so, instead of networking, I was strategic in how I went about it, meaning I went to the event.

Speaker 1:

I honestly stayed in my room for the bulk of the time, but what I did was I reached out via email to three companies that I saw on that invitee list and asked them if I could talk to them while I was at the event. They had a whole greeting the evening. The first evening of the event, there was a whole greeting the evening. The first evening of the event, there was a whole networking event. They actually designed the conference so that there was just as much networking time as there was conference time, meaning session time, and I deliberately avoided it all. I just made sure that I sat, I reached out prior to set up specific times to meet with those three teams and got the information and the support that I needed. All the other times I was in my room or I was taking walks around New York City.

Speaker 1:

Now you could say, okay, well, you waste the company's money. I actually didn't. I got exactly what I needed from that conference. I got the support and the connections that I needed to make, but what I didn't do was exert my energy, make myself uncomfortable in a way that wasn't going to be productive, make myself uncomfortable in a way that wasn't going to be productive. So that's what I mean by re-imagining connection.

Speaker 1:

You, as an introvert, do not have to put yourself in environments where you feel completely uncomfortable or that drains all of your energy or that intimidates the hell out of you. Right? Like traditional networking advice and environments. They will fail you as an introverted black female leader. What I would encourage you to do is think about exactly what is the outcome that you need and then work your way backwards from there, like I did like, using my example, right? So no longer do you have to actually go to conferences and go to networking events or go have drinks with someone if that's not what you wanna do or if that isn't the environment in which you would be able to accomplish what you want to do, or if that isn't the environment in which you would be able to accomplish what you want to accomplish Now there are so many other avenues that you can take to build networking or to build your network your way right.

Speaker 1:

These days you have, we can use technology to connect with people. These days you can use one-on-one situations versus you in a large group and loud environment, which for most introverts is not. It's not just about being intimidated, it's about over sense, it's like sensory overload, right? So you don't have to do that. These days you can really think about what connection means to you and how you can do it without having to succumb to what extroverts might feel is the right way to deem connection or what society might say you really need to think of as an introvert. You really need to be energy conscious of your networking strategies.

Speaker 1:

For me, one-on-one networking, I will pick that any day, every day, right, even not just one-on-one. But if I can get to you before we meet one-on-one and I can start a conversation with you either via some type of chat format or via email To me, I like to ease my way into a networking situation. Usually I will also ask for a soft introduction. Like I definitely cannot do a cold call. It literally makes my skin crawl, I can't do it, it's very intimidating for me. So I will do my best if I need to.

Speaker 1:

If I have to meet someone completely new and different, I will try to find someone else who can give me an introduction right. So a perfect example of that is whenever I start a new role, particularly in a new industry where I don't know other HR people, I will ask my CEO or someone else on the leadership team to introduce me to a competitor not a competitor, but another company in our industry like to introduce me to that HR person. I could easily reach out to the HR person. I can find the person on LinkedIn. I can send an email. But for me, when I have a soft introduction, when you know someone is like hey, meet Nicole, she's doing this for us, nicole, meet this person via email. It's perfect Cause then I just pick the baton up from there and then I reach out directly. What that does is it kind of takes away that you know that cold call. But second, that allows the person that I am intending to connect with. It allows them to see that I am validated or that I am supported by the person who's making the introduction. So those are just a couple of different things for you to think about. But, as you can tell what I'm, what I'm really want you to walk away from this conversation is is networking is only about connecting, but connecting you get to define the how and the when right that you connect.

Speaker 1:

And so, final thing I want to cover with you about this topic is that it is important, if you don't already have a personal advisory board, it is important for you to have one right. Whether you call it a career advisory board, personal advisory board, whatever personal board of directors, you get the gist, but basically it is you setting up or having four to six people that you can rely on when it comes to your professional life and or career. Basically, I mean, you would want to make sure that you have a trusted group of individuals who know you, understand you and who are willing to support you and who are only an email or a phone call away. So a perfect example of this is my I will call her my colleague, donna, and I only know Donna via LinkedIn. Donna is someone who is looking to. She's a very seasoned professional and she is looking to move from being an individual contributor to becoming a leader of a team, whether that's in her current organization or she's considering thinking about moving to another organization, but she wants to become a leader, and she and I have been connected on LinkedIn for about probably about three years now, and she is a big supporter of all of my events and my posts, and I do the same for her, and so what she has done coming into 2025 is she has.

Speaker 1:

She has determined that 2025 is going to be the year that she lands her leadership role, and so, in order to set herself up for success, she spent the fourth quarter of 2024, talking to and identifying individuals who can help her accomplish her career goals, and that included putting together her own advisory board, so she was able to secure a sponsor inside her organization. She also got a mentor for herself. She has a couple of colleagues who she is leveraging. And then she also reached out to me and asked if I would help and be on her advisory board, and the role that she saw me playing was one who has a long history of leading people and helping others get to the executive level, and although she herself is not ready to get to the executive level, and although she herself is not ready to get to the executive level at this point, her case was. I think you can help me think about making decisions, the right decisions, now that will set me up for eventually getting to the executive level.

Speaker 1:

And she wanted someone on her advisory board who wasn't a part of her day-to-day experience. She was like I need someone to help me be objective and I feel like I can explain situations to you, give you the context and incorporate your advice. Along with my sponsor and my mentor and my allies, I was like perfect, I would definitely love to be a part of your personal advisory board. That's just an example of how you could use an advisory board. I have seen and experienced others using it for day-to-day decisions in their role as sounding boards for big decisions that need to be made, business decisions or big career decisions. You know you can use your advisory board in any way that you want. I think of it also as having like a lifeline right. You remember those game shows where you know a contestant would be able to they're entitled to like one call and they could just make one call and ask that person a question. I think about it like that. It is a dangerous place to be where you only can hear your own advice on things as professionals who have increasing responsibility have increasing responsibility. You will want to be able to trust and ask questions to people that you trust and respect on a regular basis, and if you aren't doing that, you should think about it. You should definitely incorporate that as part of your leadership style.

Speaker 1:

Now, if you want to know more about how to go about building your advisory board, then go and check out episode four of the Leading Her Way podcast. The episode is called Building your Leadership Career Board of Directors and I walk you through the business case for why having a career board of directors is important, and then also the steps to secure your board of directors important, and then also the steps to secure your board of directors. Having your own personal advisory board or board of directors, I'm sure you can see, is, in fact, one aspect of building your professional network, and it's a part of your professional network that you will rely on more and more the further you advance in your leadership career. Okay, lady leader, as we wrap up this episode, I do want to reiterate to you that your network as an introverted Black female leader is not about quantity. I'll say that again your network as an introverted black female leader is not about quantity. It's about being strategic right. It's about making meaningful connections that honor who you are. You get to dictate how and when you connect with others and since your introvert time is so valuable actually, your introvert time and energy are super valuable You'll want to make smart decisions about who you connect with and why. That's a wrap for this episode. I hope that you enjoyed it and that you learned something new.

Speaker 1:

If you want more on today's topic of networking, I actually have a free guide that I'd like to offer and share with you. You can find the guide at servicesthechangedoccom forward slash networking hyphen guide. Again, that's servicesthechangedoccom forward slash networking hyphen guide. I'll put the link in the show notes for you. But the guide is one that is really valuable because it walks through the distinctions between networking at a leadership level versus general networking, and it walks through step-by-step different ways you can build the connections you're seeking to establish without selling out, and if you are looking for help and support with building your own career board of advisors or networking and building your connections, your professional relationships that you have, or trying to understand and figure out how you can use your current professional relationships to secure your next leadership role and get your promotion, then definitely reach out, book a sales call with me. Let's have a conversation. Let's talk through everything that has worked for you in the past and why it's not currently working to get you your next leadership level role. We'll have just an honest, direct conversation about it and then we can determine whether or not it makes sense for us to work together to make sure that you achieve the goals that you have for yourself.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so that's a wrap for episode three in our four part series for introverted black female leaders. Make sure you tune in next week for the fourth and final episode, which is all about the recovery room right Recharging practices for black, introverted female leaders. Until next time, lady leader, keep leading your introvert way, leading your Introvert Way. That's a wrap for this episode of Leading Her Way. Thanks for tuning in. If you have thoughts, questions or ideas for future topics, connect and send me a message on LinkedIn and if you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe and please take a minute to write a quick review on Apple Podcasts. Your review will help spread the word to other ambitious females so they know they're not alone and that this podcast is a community of support for all of us leading her way to the top. Remember your leadership is needed. Your leadership is powerful, so lead boldly Until next time.