When Your Light Feels Dim: A Black Woman's Guide to Leading Yourself Through Low Seasons

The spark you rode into January has faded, the days feel heavier, and even simple tasks take more effort than they should. You’re not broken—you’re in a low season—and there’s a proven way to lead yourself through it with clarity, care, and strength as a Black introvert woman.

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Transcript

Naming The Low Season

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So right now, I am recording today's episode, and honestly, I don't feel like myself. And I'm guessing that you, as you're listening, you may not feel like yourself either. So you've made it through the holidays, you survived Thanksgiving with the family, asking about your job and your love life and everything in between, right? You pushed through Christmas shopping and cooking and showing up. You set your New Year's goals with all that energy in January. But now, now it's mid-February and the excitement is gone. You're tired. And not the kind of tired that sleep fixes. You're scrolling more, you're snapping at people quicker. That project you were hyped up about in January, you can barely look at it now. And when you finally get some free time, all you want to do is sit on the couch, turn on the television, and talk to nobody. And here's what makes it even worse. You're a high achiever. You're the one that people count on. You're supposed to have it together. So you're out here feeling low and you're beating yourself up for feeling low. If that is you right now, then today's episode is for you. Because we're going to talk about something we don't talk about enough. What to do when your light feels dim. So first let's just call it what it is. We're talking about those low periods. Could be a few days, could be a few weeks, could even be a whole season. Psychologists call this low mood or sometimes subgenital depression. Basically, you're not functioning at your normal level. But you might not be in a full clinical depression either. You're just soft. And for us as black women, especially those of us who are introverts and high achievers, this hits different. Because we're already carrying more, more expectations, more responsibilities, more pressure to prove ourselves, more emotional labor at work and at home. We're the strong friend, the reliable one, the one that figures everything out. Now, the actual science behind why this February through April window is so hard is that there's less sunlight, right? So we're still in the darker months, and that affects your brain chemistry. Your body produces less serotonin, which is literally one of your feel-good chemicals. That's not in your head, that is actual biology. Another thing that's happening is what psychologists call the post-goal letdown. You set all those goals in January. You had all that motivation. But now reality has set in. The excitement wore off, but the work is still there. Your brain is like, wait a minute, this is hard, and I'm not seeing results yet. And so your motivation actually crashes. The third thing that's happening, and this is the one that we don't talk about enough, there's exhaustion from code switching and performing all year long, all the previous year, right? So by February, you've been on since last year. You've been managing how you show up at work, managing other people's emotions, managing the dynamics of being a black woman in spaces that weren't built for you. So why don't we talk about this? Why are we out here suffering in silence? Because we've been taught that struggling equals weakness. We've watched our mothers, our grandmothers, our aunties push through everything. And we grew up hearing that you have to be twice as good to get half as far. We learned early on that we don't have the luxury of having a bad day. And on top of that, you're an introvert. So you're already somebody who processes internally, who doesn't necessarily share what you're going through with everybody. You've probably mastered the art of, yeah, I'm fine, while falling apart on the inside. And if you're in leadership or working toward leadership, forget about it. You think you can't show any cracks because people are watching you, depending on you, judging whether you can handle more responsibility. So you smile your way through it, you show up, you perform, and you're exhausted. Now, here's where we're going to flip this whole thing. Because what I want you to understand is this how you show up for yourself during these low seasons, that is self-leadership. That's not a weakness, that's actually one of the most important leadership skills that you can develop. Self-leadership means you can recognize when something's off with you. And instead of ignoring it or just pushing through until you break, you actually do something about it. Think about it. If one of your team members came to you struggling, would you tell them to just push harder? Would you tell them they're weak? No. You'd probably help them figure out what support they need. So why are you not giving yourself that same exact grace? Let me tell you what happens when you ignore those low periods and just try to push through. Your work suffers. You make more mistakes, you miss things, you're not bringing your best thinking. Your relationships will suffer. You're irritable, you're withdrawn, you're snapping at people who don't deserve it. And your health suffers as well. You're not sleeping right, you're not eating. So you're eating poorly, you're not moving your body, you're getting sick more often. And eventually you hit a wall, a brick wall. You burn completely out. Or you end up having to take even more time to recover because you didn't address it early on. I have seen this happen to so many of my clients. They push through the low period, and then three months later, they're completely depleted and considering quitting a job they actually like because they didn't take care of themselves when the signs first showed up. But here's the good news: you have another option. You can acknowledge what's happening, you can give yourself permission to not be at 100% right now, and you can make intentional choices about how to take care of yourself while you're still in this season. That's what we're going to talk about next. Practical ways you can lead yourself through these low times. All right, so let's talk about how to actually take care of yourself. The first thing that you can do, and this is gonna be hard for you as a high achiever, but you have to lower the bar. I'm not saying to quit or stop caring. I'm saying recognize that right now you're operating at 60, maybe 70% capacity, and that is okay. So adjust your expectations accordingly. So what does that look like practically? Maybe you're not taking on any new projects this month. Maybe you're saying no to that extra committee. Maybe you're ordering takeout instead of cooking from scratch. Maybe you're wearing the same three outfits on rotation instead of putting together new looks every day. This is not giving up. This is being intentional with your limited energy. This is smart leadership. And here's what I want you to remember: it's only temporary. You're not lowering the bar forever. You're just adjusting for this current season so you don't completely crash. Second, you can protect what we psychologists call your behavioral activation. So basically, keep doing the minimum things that keep you somewhat functional. So that means still get up at a decent time, even if you don't feel like it. Still move your body somehow, even if it's just for 10 minutes, 10 minutes a day, a walk around the block. Still eat something nutritious, even if it's just one good meal a day, and still connect with at least one person who fills your cup, even if it's just a text message. I know when you're in it, you just want to shut down completely. But research shows that withdrawing completely actually makes it worse. You gotta keep some basic structure and connection, even when it's hard. Now, as an introvert, I'm not telling you to go to networking events or hang out in big groups. I'm talking about texting your best friend, calling your sister, having coffee with that one colleague who gets you. Small, manageable connections. The third thing that you can do, and listen to me on this one, if this has been going on for more than, and third, the third thing that you can do, and I want you to listen to me on this one. If this has been going on for more than two weeks and it's affecting your ability to function at work or at home, talk to a professional. That could be your doctor, it could be a therapist, it could be a coach who specializes in mental health. There is no shame in getting help. None whatsoever. You wouldn't try to perform surgery on yourself, right? So why are you trying to diagnose and fix any type of mental health issue all by yourself? And for my black women listening who are worried about the stigma or the cost, there are more resources now than ever. Therapy for black girls is a resource, inclusive therapist is another, open path collective is a third. There are directories specifically to help you find affordable cultural competence support. This is you using your wisdom to lead yourself. And finally, since we're recording this in February and it's going to come out around Valentine's Day, I want you to reframe this whole thing as an act of self-love. Because that's exactly what it is. Acknowledging that you're struggling, that's loving yourself enough to tell the truth. Lowering your expectations temporarily, that's loving yourself enough to not demand perfection. Protecting your basics and getting help, that's loving yourself enough to invest in your well-being. See, we've been taught that self-love is bubble baths and face masks and treating yourself. And sure, that can be a part of it. But real self-love, real self-love is doing the hard things that keep you healthy, even when they are not glamorous. Real self-love is saying, you know what? I'm not gonna beat myself up by for being human. I'm gonna take care of myself the way I take care of everybody else. That's the Valentine's Day gift you need to give yourself this year. Not chocolate, not flowers, but permission to not be okay and the commitment to take care of yourself anyway. So here's what I want you to remember. If you are in a low season right now, whether it's February or April or October, whether it's last three days or three months, you are not broken. You are not weak. You are not failing. What you are is human. And being human means that you're gonna have seasons. Your life is going to go through seasons. Your professional work is going to go through seasons. The question is not whether you'll have low times. The question is how will you lead yourself through them? Will you ignore what you're feeling and push until you break? Or will you acknowledge it, adjust accordingly, and take care of yourself with the same energy that you care for everybody else? That, my friend, is self-leadership. And that's one of the most important skills you can develop on your journey to the executive suite. Because here's the thing: executives have low seasons too. The difference is the best leaders, the elite leaders, know how to recognize it and respond before it becomes a crisis. So start practicing that skill now. You deserve to take care of you. You deserve to give yourself grace. You deserve support. And if nobody has told you this lately, I am proud of you for still showing up, even when it's hard. I see you and I am rooting for you. Now go give yourself that Valentine's Day gift of permission and care. And I will see you here next week.