Recovery Unfiltered
Taking recovery discussion to a different level. Bringing comedy and the lighter side of sober living along with educating non-alcoholics and alcoholics. Hear real stories unfiltered.
Recovery Unfiltered
The Simplified Path to Spiritual Change Episode 31
In this episode, we reflect on the complexities of sobriety, tackling myths about triggers and the importance of community in recovery. Listeners hear compelling stories that highlight personal accountability and the critical role of connection in navigating the recovery journey.
• Discussing humorous moments that initiate deep conversations
• Addressing the true nature of addiction and triggers
• Emphasizing the significance of community support
• The impact of sponsorship on recovery journeys
• Sharing a poignant story about loss and its lessons
• Exploring the need for personal responsibility in recovery
• Closing thoughts on ongoing growth and engagement in sobriety
Thank You for Joining Us.. Please share with friends. If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcoholism please reach out to us. We can get you help. recoveryunfilteredpodcast@gmail.com
you sit on the toilet. Don't you use that as your meditation?
Speaker 2:not my wife, not your wife, nor anybody listening to this podcast has eaten welcome to recovery.
Speaker 1:I'm filter. I'm larry. I'm an alcoholic.
Speaker 2:I am rob. I am also an alcoholic. We are not professionals. There are no letters after our names. We know very little. However, you will hear the word god and a four-letter word in the same sentence. You will also be offended. So if you are easily offended, just pass us by. This podcast is not for you.
Speaker 1:Our opinions are just that. If you don't agree with what we're saying, that's okay. We're going to love you anyways. We are not in any way affiliated with AA.
Speaker 2:So sit back, grab a beverage of your choice and get ready.
Speaker 1:Let's go.
Speaker 2:Hello Rob, Hello Larry, A-A N-A PhD.
Speaker 1:Get it all out there. Get it all out there STD.
Speaker 2:There is no letters. We are affiliated with nobody. Get it all out there, brother, how's that? Sound. What else is there? I don't know, EDC Everyday Carry Not affiliated with that either. What happened to all my sounds?
Speaker 1:Where's the?
Speaker 2:baby. Where's the baby? I don't know. Hold on. Where'd all my sounds go? I don't know. That's not fun. Sponsored by the C word, damn it. We're going to talk about that, yeah, we are how come, men can't really say that word.
Speaker 1:I don't know.
Speaker 2:I said Well wait, we're not supposed to.
Speaker 1:I said it yesterday, ow that ain't a baby. I don't know what that was. I'm not playing with it now. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I said it yesterday. No, I didn't say the C word. Someone said the P word and I said patience.
Speaker 2:That's not at the meeting. You got to make sure which P word you're talking about. There's women here. That was funny, yeah.
Speaker 1:So we've had a little bit going on, so I did a. You know me, I can't leave shit alone. I got to constantly mess with shit, so I was trying to move us over to Spotify to give a little bit more and do more always doing more. I mean, I posted up on Instagram today we just did a live one and not live we. Um, we just posted. I posted a us talking on on a video and trying to trying to always change things because it's like I said, I want to promote this thing as best way I can. I mean, I'm not a social media guy, I don't.
Speaker 1:You know, I don't claim to be right, that was pretty plain on the video that we posted, that you know. But it's uh, you know, but I'm doing everything I can in my powers to to try and promote this thing and you know, know, as I say, we try to reach that one person and however we can do have whatever I need to do to do it, I'm going to continue to do it to the best of my ability.
Speaker 2:And we got to help you, help those people that not have to. Uh, have fucking what chaperones? I mean the, I mean here we go I looked at me and told the whole room basically, at certain certain areas of my life, at certain situations I got to have a bucket of chaperone. We're all getting drunk.
Speaker 1:We were going to let this, I was going to let you stew on that for a little bit longer. No go ahead, whatever. No, no, you're fine. You know, last night at the meeting Rob's talking about there was we're in, uh, there is a solution and we're talking and going through some stuff and something came up about triggers I brought it.
Speaker 2:I brought it up. Oh, you did. There's no such thing for alcohol no, there's no such thing as triggers. No, you know people always worry why I can't go by that liquor. There's not if they're.
Speaker 1:If that's true, the story I'm going to get into in a little bit would have been a fucking huge trigger for me, right, right you know what I mean, but life is good we drink right.
Speaker 2:Life was hard. We drink right. This was drink. That's the whole point, because it was not nothing else external. Right, it was an inside job. The book says that. Then this guy proceeds that you know. No one else in the area else in the room knows what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:Well, everybody else knew so much that I was sitting there. Look, I reached over to doug. I go watch well I saw you laughing.
Speaker 2:I saw you hit Doug. I saw the whole thing.
Speaker 1:I go watch this. Rob's about ready to lose his shit and then Nathan stepped in and kind of bailed you out of that. Thank god, or bell bailed the other guy out of it but he basically saying there are no such thing as triggers.
Speaker 2:I thought the same thing, rob, that you know right in the way Nathan did, it was absolutely perfect. He didn't crack on the dude, he just spoke from his point of view and and just nailed it.
Speaker 1:No, he did a great job. As you know what rob and I gotta say this before we go in there much further you did that. It's fun, isn't that meaning?
Speaker 2:you know, it's.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy that oakdale fellowship is letting you do that right, because there is no. Even in the other book studies that we've been in they don't. It's not really the way we do. It is just the way you do it, the way you format it. It is we read and if we want to stop and talk, we stop and talk. It's a lot like our Monday night. Yeah, it's a lot like our Monday night, it's a book study.
Speaker 1:It's not a book blow through. It's that same style of format, right, that we read, we talk about it, you work through it and, rob, you got such a such a profound, deep knowledge of that book that you're able to bring it in and you know, and the you know the only thing that sometimes maybe this is some critique for you. Sometimes there's some, like the guy sitting next to me, I think he's literally really confused, right, he's like what, what's he talking about? Right, jose? Yeah, I think the new jose, there was two jose sitting next to us the younger one.
Speaker 1:I think he was a little confused on some of the stuff because he's kind of like looking through this and he had nothing highlighted in his book. In fact he may even had a, a book from the fellowship, the fellowship and, and you know, and he so, I guess, just some critique. You know we follow along so very well because when you start mentioning other stuff, other, you know we kind of have a little bit of a background on what you're talking about but you go further into depth. Well, look at Mike's.
Speaker 2:Mike S in the back. He was right with us. I mean he, oh, yeah, no for sure he's new, right, he's new, but he was right with us. I mean he, roya no for sure he's new right, yeah, but he was in it. You know, I get it, but I get what you're saying Right.
Speaker 1:I mean I think sometimes that the advanced study because it's more of an advanced study If you look at it right I mean we go to book studies and they're just book studies.
Speaker 2:They're probably intermediate books, Read it read this is a more.
Speaker 1:you go in a more of an advanced study of it, because not only are you talking about that, you're digging from page 17. It refers to page 25 and it goes into this page and that page. Later on he says this that refers back to that. You just because, rob, you have such a good knowledge of it and you've got the damn photographic memory that you can remember that shit that the study goes into a whole, a whole deeper.
Speaker 2:Everybody gets involved. Oh my God, Once it opened up, I knew we weren't going to get past 24.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, I'm surprised it went that far.
Speaker 2:Well, but there's a lot of wooden reading once you get to that point, which I saw. But once it opened up, I knew I was going to go back to a few pages.
Speaker 1:Right as soon as we went. I think it was right when I was done reading right here. No, this wasn't, it says. Therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, solved right. There was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. I thought we were going to stop right there. I even looked at doug I go. That's a great place to stop, and I think they went on and read another page and a half.
Speaker 2:But when you start we're going start at 25, which is good, because at the end of page 24 is where Bill basically tells you he's probably placed himself beyond human aid. We're beyond human aid, right. So the first power that that poor idiot was taught, that's all he's been we're going off of.
Speaker 1:Right the power of the fellowship.
Speaker 2:that's what he's living on, oh.
Speaker 1:That's, oh, that's where sobriety rests, because he hasn't had a spiritual wicked, he's not resting the power of god. That's why he's got to have bodyguards certain times in this. What the fuck a nice guy? No, yeah, and you know, here's and I I go back to this when I I say things it's like in fact I wrote it because you know. It says somewhere in there because quitting drinking was the easiest part for me. It really was. You know, not picking up that first drink is the hard part, right, that's what takes the power?
Speaker 1:But I don't even think about picking up a first drink any more than I think about you know, we talk about that all the time.
Speaker 2:No, because we realize it's not our problem. We got that power because God has now given us power over that. First drink we can take it or leave it alone. He can't at certain points. Right drink we can take it or leave it alone. He can't at certain points right he's got to be protected right you know, and that doesn't, that doesn't, as you listen to us talk right, which is the same thing with that, the new guy jj right I've, you know, a year and a half, and a year and a half, and I go what are you going to do?
Speaker 2:different, right same thing. We asked, chris, what you know, right?
Speaker 1:what are you going to do? Get?
Speaker 2:us? Why don't they just say I'm going to get a sponsor, work these steps right, I I that, seeing that man in pain.
Speaker 1:Last night we talked for a long while after everybody left right guy.
Speaker 2:He was in tears and yeah dude, they.
Speaker 1:You know, I saw him down there and I was like there's no way I'm leaving here without hugging that guy, and you know, and I got up and I walked directly down there and I gave him a big old hug and I said hey, you know, you need to get, you need to get inside here, you need to get a sponsor. And I said that sponsor ain't fucking me, so I ain't here to try to pick up on you. I said but you need to get a fucking sponsor. He left and without asking a man, no, did he. Yes, okay, so that as he was walking past, nathan was walking out, nathan talked to him okay, talked to him, so he didn't.
Speaker 2:He didn't approach me, he didn't ask any no, and nathan nathan goes. Hey, he's my sponsor and I said and he'd be a great one, right I was eyeballing brandon the whole time.
Speaker 1:Right, somebody, get on that it's up to that man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're right, it is grab somebody. What did I tell him?
Speaker 1:don't leave here right without a sponsor, without a man, you know, and he was leaving there to go to the hospital because his dad's in bad health at the hospital. So he was going from an uplifting thing where he was already hurting, to probably something that's going to remind him that he needs to try and drown him, you know, drown his pain.
Speaker 2:But nathan told him hey, listen, I watched my mom go through you know cancer and I stayed sober. So you, you can stay sober. If you drink over one thing, you'll late they didn't let him have it.
Speaker 1:yeah, it was, but he left there without a sponsor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, after hearing everything you heard being in the rooms year and a half, went out Year and a half when we asked him, what didn't you do Right? Why didn't you get a sponsor to work steps and you left yet again.
Speaker 1:Right, yet again you left this room. Does that tell you that he's not done?
Speaker 2:He ain't done, yeah, or he's just afraid.
Speaker 1:Well, you know you, you said it. You know we move at the speed of pain. Yeah, that guy was in pain. It was bad, you could see it With Susan.
Speaker 2:Susan gave him a hug, says I love you. There's me, nathan, and Susan left and he's about ready to cry. Yeah, yet you left there, some, you know, without a plan. Yeah to me, it's a plan because once you get that hey, this guy's my sponsor, then you get one of us. This is the plan. This is how we're going to attack it. They always feel better because they feel like they're which they are.
Speaker 1:Take them, you know you know, and it goes back to our analogy, the way I use it's like look, man, that that cut, that pain you're feeling is wide open, right, the more, that more that slice your in your soul and in your heart heals as it heals and it starts to callous over. It starts to callous over, the more you feel like I don't, I can do this, I can do this and I can do this and before you know it, that that pain is completely healed and all of a sudden, I'm okay. You know, pat said it best last night. You know, you know that's that thing is. It's your window of opportunity.
Speaker 2:Nathan also talked about the window.
Speaker 1:Right that window.
Speaker 2:You stay here and you got the power of the fellowship and things are pretty good.
Speaker 1:You know Brad talked about it that he wished he had knocked it over the head when he first started Right and yet that man left without.
Speaker 2:And I'm not one to I'm not one to like. Joe left without, and I'm not one to some not one like joe and charlie do subscribe to.
Speaker 1:Hey, I'm gonna be your sponsor, right? No, no, no, no, I'm with you conquering that right, that little fear conquering that fear is a great step.
Speaker 1:I believe they need to do I'm with you a thousand percent, rob. I mean I had I had to do it on my own and I'm thank god I did right. You know well I shouldn't say that. Let me back up.
Speaker 1:When I left mayard, you know Chris put me in with Jay, but I knew that's not where I was going to get my healing from right. That's why, when I saw you walk into the room one day, I was like I want what that man right there has got right and I took my sobriety in my own hands. And that's when I asked you to be my sponsor. Because you know, you said at the best you had one foot in and one foot out. But it wasn't one foot in sobriety and one foot, one foot back into drinking. It was one foot in sobriety and one foot in a fucking eating a bullet. Because you're going batshit, fucking crazy. Right, right, I didn't have any solution yet, right, right, and I was, I was, I was. I was so green, you I would.
Speaker 1:When I switched over to you, I was still so thirsty and hungry. I hadn't hit where you were at like going that crazy spot yet, but you were frustrated. I was frustrated, yeah, I was. I had to go. I needed more of the solution. Right, I needed to figure out more and more and more. You know, and that's what I like. I said, that's the reason why I love that book study that you're doing, and you know, god bless you, for I mean, you do just an amazing job and I'm going to continue to blow your head up because I know it is.
Speaker 2:I knew you were going to say that. And I just get to again and God plays it Because I wouldn't know if it wasn't for that woman who asked me Susan, because no one else wanted wanted it. She said no one else wants it. Would you? Would you please do it okay? Did she ask you to do an actual book study like that, because thursday night is the book? Say she was. No one will take over the thursday night book.
Speaker 1:Say would you please were they doing the book study the same way, or is that?
Speaker 2:you that they just read and same way we do it primary they just read and tie you know, yeah, tie a topic into it kind of or they just read and then, and then it was just kind of yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, hopefully it'll change going forward because, like I said, it could be a little too advanced and maybe they need to offer two classes. They need to offer an intermediate and an advanced Maybe, but the last three weeks we've had a lot of-. No, no, no return man, rob.
Speaker 2:This is so awesome I've never gotten so much out of it.
Speaker 1:But once again, I'm not no, but jose, discounting what you got a lot of senior guys that have been doing this shit for 30 they love it, right, because they're going deep into.
Speaker 2:They're probably learning shit they've never heard before, right, but you got the guys like the jose and there was another one, so when we get back, like, say, in two and a half months, uh-huh, when I kick back, when I go back to the and go back through it again, which we will Right, jose will get it.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, no, no, no. Well, let's, let's rephrase it.
Speaker 1:Thank you, If he's there, if he hangs on right, if he doesn't get discouraged and I'm not just talking about this one in particular guy, and I'm also not saying slow down, rob, right? Oh yeah, is that guy, if he wants to, wants to get more into this. You know, and I say this about you know athletes, anybody. If you want to get better at something, it's what you do. When nobody's watching, right, when he need to take what you were talking about, go home and read it again himself and try to pull out what you were talking about. I make notes. I make notes all the time because I want to learn. Right, we highlight, we do the things that we do and that's why, you know, I sat there with my book open that entire time, you know, next to him and I'm looking over at his and he has no highlights and I'm pretty sure it was his own book, I don't think it was a fellowship book and he's got no highlights, he's got no notes.
Speaker 2:He's got no sponsor. Oh, he doesn't Not. He doesn't Not that I know of. He may have a sponsor in name only, but he's in and out Right.
Speaker 1:And out Right.
Speaker 2:He ain't doing the deal.
Speaker 1:Right, gabe's doing good.
Speaker 2:Gabe's doing good, gabe's on fire, he's hungry and Brandon's laid out. Hey, listen, we're going to start moving. He's got his fifth step done. They did that yesterday, so he's.
Speaker 1:Brandon. He came up to me yesterday wanting to know hey, I got all this free time in the day and I hear you and Rob do a podcast. What podcast is it? And I gave him the name and I said here, let me just forward it to you. So I sent it to him and he's like I go, there's probably about, let's see, we're on episode 30. I said there's probably about almost 50 hours of listening in there. And he's like really, yeah, there's hour 20, hour 30 per episode and we got 30 episodes in there. So, uh, yeah, so hopefully you know, and here's the thing about it.
Speaker 2:He doesn't even recognize. I don't think, Gabe. Look at his eyes. Who, Gabe? I mean? Look at, look at the light.
Speaker 1:Oh, I told him that last night night and day difference from the night he woke into walked into when you were, when he was puking, puking. Oh yeah, when he, you know, when he walked in to listen to you speak.
Speaker 2:Of course, he looks different from then. But isn't that something? The power of God and the power of this program? That's why I do it Right.
Speaker 1:It's well but right. And for me, when I look down at the end of the table and I see that guy just broken and I want to see that. You know, here's where I have the hardest time is I want to take every ounce of my energy. And when I first got sober I did this right. I took every ounce of my energy and I put it all into that one person and I was chasing him and trying to get him to get Force him into.
Speaker 2:I want you to try to force him to get what he's got.
Speaker 1:Right? Well, I wanted him to feel what I got right. I want everybody. I want everybody to feel what I got. Why wouldn't you?
Speaker 2:I mean if, you really, and that's why I mean it was the pastor when we went to that men's retreat. He goes. If someone truly believes, you know in Christ, or that you've got this gift, you know they believe it because they go share it, they want to give it away Like we do. I know this gift. I want that guy at the end, but he didn't want it. What can you tell him? That's why, brandon, tell this guy in 120 days, you can go from that JJ to what this guy's got.
Speaker 2:Get a sponsor. With the steps.
Speaker 1:I went to the doctor today. She asked me do you drink alcohol? And I just held up my arm like this. She goes, apparently not.
Speaker 2:Nope, Pretty sober and loud sweetheart. Which doctor is this? Is this the doctor?
Speaker 1:No, I don't want to get into that on this episode. I'm going to talk about it a little bit on the next episode. Okay, that is, uh, that's, that's something I'm going to talk about next week, but, um, the other thing I wanted to talk about real fast is you know, we have such an eclectic group of guys. Is that the right word?
Speaker 1:We have just a big group of guys that we hang out with and in the beginning of this, of that, of that um, of there is a solution. It talks about. You know, all these different, different people that are coming in from all different ways of life and you know, and without I don't I don't really don't want to sound like I'm judging, but you know we talk about there's just so many different people that are in a class of people, ethnicity, and different levels of I don't know how to say it Financial, financial right, it's everything.
Speaker 1:Everything, but when we go inside those rooms they mean nothing.
Speaker 2:Nothing matters Nothing. And the way Bill ties it to you like a great liner, because in the 1930s the way you got from, you know, continent to continent was the ocean liner Right. There wasn't a plane jet, Right. And this is short. You know 1912 was the Titanic, Right. And he talks about the great ocean liner. You know he talks about steerage, Right. You know where's the steerage the captain's table right. And if on an ocean liners, the person in the steerage department who's living there, you know they don't get no fresh air.
Speaker 1:It's like a cheese sandwich well, it says, and it says a word in there that I actually had to look at the provide pervade pervade right I had to actually look that up and it says it right.
Speaker 1:You know, we are people who are normally would not mix, but they're no, that's not words. Yeah, it's right here. We are people who normally would not mix, but there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. We are like passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from a shipwreck, when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade pervade the vessel from steerage.
Speaker 2:Yeah all the way, so that all the way so now, so, but. But if you don't know, and so that pervade.
Speaker 1:I actually wrote the definition up here because I wanted to see what the actual definition is spread through and perceived in every part. Right, the small, the small bad cabbage pervade through the room. It just basically it's sour the entire room. Right, you know, and it goes to that thing that we kind of talk about, we talked about a little bit last night is when we went into, you know, when I first went into recovery, the first, you know, 10 or 15 days, I was looking through everybody, looking at the differences.
Speaker 1:Looking at everybody and going I don't belong here. I didn't rob from nobody, I didn't steal from nobody. I didn't lose my wife, I didn't lose my kids. I didn't go to jail. I didn't do this, I didn't do that. Why the fuck am I here? Until about day 15, when I realized I was a bigger drunk than almost everybody in there and I was more fucked up in the head than just about everybody in there, I just didn't do anything to get caught.
Speaker 2:Right, no, yeah, a lot of the yets oh my yets were just a mile long.
Speaker 1:I didn't have that, yeah, and I'm going to keep those yets for the rest of my life. I don't ever plan on going back.
Speaker 2:And that's the one thing you realize whoever comes in, no matter if they're a lawyer, whether from Yale or jail, all that bullshit, yale or jail.
Speaker 1:I always enjoy that one.
Speaker 2:They say they've got a common problem. Just like me, they're alcoholic Right Now. Let's see if we can't get them that common solution which really binds us together. Because you know the look when you see someone from the fellowship if you're in the grocery store, you look like if it's you or one of the boys that we don't, that it's not necessarily with us.
Speaker 2:Or if you see Bruce, you'd kind of get that it's not because they're alcoholics, it's because they've also had that spiritual experience. Oh yeah, that's what binds us. You see a dude that just comes in and out. You don't have that same bond.
Speaker 1:Right, right, that's what Bill talks about. You know, and one of really try, and you know, sometimes I'll walk into a meeting. That's you know, like when I'm traveling or something like that. I'll walk into a meeting where nobody knows me and the first thought to them is here's another, here's a newbie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not that there's a no, but even though they should know this motherfucker's got a watch on right he's clean, he's dressed good his eyes are.
Speaker 1:They think I'm a newbie. His eyes are lit.
Speaker 2:You know they should be able to recognize right right. So you know, and you but they don't know, they just assume.
Speaker 1:I just assume right, so you're cautious. I'm cautious of when people come into the rooms. That jj last night it was evident that he was struggling. Oh yeah, right, you could see the difference in their faces when they come in and sit down with somebody.
Speaker 2:That's actually unshaven, yeah, he was not even the unshaven just in their eyes, right in their eyes.
Speaker 1:There's just so much pain there that it's just that. And then when you hear him speak, you can just hear that pain in his voice.
Speaker 2:I don't want to lose my kids. I don't want, yeah, so, something going on. You know that, but yeah, but yet fuck, you've got everybody focused on you, I mean, and trying to be telling you this is what you need to do, and yet you left there, I got. So this here's, here's where rob I hope, and I hope for the guy I really do, but here's where rob has no fucking sympathy. You were raised in the rooms, right, you said it, he did, he did you watch?
Speaker 2:his dad go through it in and out, watch your dad go in and out. Then you went in and out A year and a half sober, came back A year and a half sober, came back and I'm sitting here as the chairperson of the meeting, right? What didn't you do, young man? I didn't get a sponsor to work the steps. I didn't do this deal to leave there without a sponsor, right? I have no sympathy for you. Nope, no, I used to. I, I hope you, if you come and ask me, I'll help him, right, but right now. But he left and I'm talking to him and I'm not going to force myself upon anybody, and no one else did, which I appreciate. I have no fucking sympathy for you, right?
Speaker 1:were you like that when you first got into the rooms though? Yes, were you really. Yeah, see, I it took me a little bit.
Speaker 2:I wasn't going to force myself on anybody. I believe it's. I believe you should go ask for a sponsor you need a lot.
Speaker 1:You believe that right away, right away yeah, so when I first got in the room, charlie they don't believe that well which I love, joe and charlie, I know so do I there are some people that don't believe that.
Speaker 2:Hey, go get a hold of him. You are responsible, right, he's responsible for his sobriety right?
Speaker 1:no, and I, you and I are on the same page.
Speaker 2:I gave him the try, told him the truth, didn't I? No, he didn't. There's no way that fucker, if he left that meeting, if he stands, if he gets drunk, dies whatever he goes, stands before god today, right, he cannot tell god. No one told me the truth, because god said motherfucker, last night, that guy did right, that whole room told you the truth, but yet you didn't act upon it.
Speaker 1:Young man, right, that's why you're here not their fault right, your fault, yeah, so that kind of brings up another, you know and god probably wouldn't use the f word, but he might, he would with me. Um, we had a, uh, the, the, the, going back to the very beginning of this podcast, why I got started. Uh, a friend of mine's, you know, son overdosed on fentanyl, and, um, one of the kids he was with and that my daughter has helped out multiple times. They found him dead yesterday. Yeah, um, same thing, same thing, same thing, same, just part of that group. So here you know, here's the sad part about this. Right, these four kids ran around kids.
Speaker 2:They're what at 30?
Speaker 1:well, they were, but they ran around together in high school right, and after they both, after they all four got, you know, the one was in the military, he, you know he. But he had combat right, he had combat experience. The other two played baseball and in college and the other one played baseball in the same college went on to play some play some small minor stuff, and they all started hanging back together and you know the, the two boys died together. They were twins. They died of a. They overdosed at the same time.
Speaker 2:Think about them, parents.
Speaker 1:You're going to get to speak to her, cause she's coming on the podcast. Yeah, yeah, I spoke to her yesterday and talked to her about coming onto the podcast to talk about this stuff, Because what's our podcast? It's about recovery, right, and her recovering from her son's OD has been a rough recovery for her. I can't imagine I speak to her. And here's the sad part about it right, when her sons died, I spoke to her. I hadn't spoken to her and probably and I love her to death she's just a wonderful woman but I hadn't spoken to her in several years.
Speaker 1:But when her sons passed away and I heard about it, I called her directly. Right, I didn't call somebody else. I called her and I said how are you? And she was a mess Obviously a stupid question by me. And I went directly to her. Right, Love her to death. When sassed away, she was the first one I called. Hey, just letting you know. This happened yesterday when I got the news of the new one. Um, I called her and I said hey, I am getting tired of calling you only when somebody dies and she goes, yeah.
Speaker 1:And she goes well, stop doing it. And I go, you know, and I'd let her know, and she had a little hurt feelings to this guy because she had a little bit of thought that this guy was involved and you know, and her boys, yeah, and listens to this. So I want to be very cautious on you know, and I want her to come on here. She, she's, she's kind of halfway agreed to come on and and, uh, talk about that. And you know, and it's, it's fucking horrible, you know.
Speaker 1:And those guys there's that's four of them, right, they were all the same grade, same class, same, played baseball together. They grew up together playing baseball together. They grew up together playing baseball together, played football together. That's four of them all on opioids, the two were twins. They were twins and they went together. Wow, right, so yeah, it's uh. So yeah, when I got that phone call yesterday, I wasn't surprised, right, my daughter wasn't shocked.
Speaker 1:You know, miranda, my oldest, uh, and eric, her husband, he lived with them to try and help him. He was here when I first, I the first, when he came back into town and you know, my daughter called me. He says, hey, dad, he's at the at the front of the grocery store. I went running down there and I pulled up and I go, hey, and he goes coach, goes coach and he comes over and you know we talked to blah, blah, blah and he this is before I got sober Right, but you know I still had an empathy of this kid Right and I brought him home and we shaved him, he cleaned him up.
Speaker 1:One of the other coaches came over. There was four or five of us other coaches that had coached him up through the years. We were all here and he ended up you know it's spinning like I don't know three or four months with my daughter. My daughter, you know, moved her own kids out of their bedroom. So my daughter I'm anxious for Miranda to come on here because her heart is as big as mine so you know she moved her own daughters out of their room so that they could, he could come in and live with them and they took care of him and got him healthy and then once, once again, as soon as that wound healed, he went right back chasing it.
Speaker 2:You didn't replace it with anything.
Speaker 1:Nope, you know, you know. I don't know if I'd have done any good with a guy if I would have had some of my sobriety and some of my age.
Speaker 2:Same thing as when hey, listen, I and I. It's like the young lady you're talking about having her on with the mother.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And, of course, the question I would ask is there a word, is there something you could tell another mother? No, there is nothing. Any of us could tell that fucking guy in the back of the room. Nope, we told him everything and yet chose right to leave without something that would save his help.
Speaker 1:Start saving his life and here's the fucked up thing about that, rob, and you say that, right, and I go back to this. All four of them had beautiful family. Um, let me be careful how I say that, because we don't, we don't all know family lives, right, right, right. But what I do know is they had a house to live in, they had structure, they had food, they had everything they needed. The parents were protecting them and taking care of them. So, whether they hated that or not, they did have a house to live. They were not homeless, right? They were not right, they were they made choices and right I got you.
Speaker 1:They were not homeless whatsoever and I get addictions powerful.
Speaker 2:That drug is powerful. I get all that. I lived it right. But there is a solution.
Speaker 1:There is right, there is, there is and it's you know and I you know it's not a casket no, no, and you know we people are going to be listening to this after they listen to Heather. Heather was on last week and you know you want to talk about somebody. That was a great one too, but I mean, let's think about that. You and I battled alcohol. You know I had some mental depression, right, I struggled with it.
Speaker 2:But there is mental health comes with addiction. Yep, there is a lot. There's mental health comes with addiction.
Speaker 1:Yep, there is a lot, of you know but that lady was dealing with a bipolar, diagnosed bipolar, struggling right, and she fought her way back from that. So if this program can do that to her, this program can do anything for anybody and now look, she's on just a micro micro which is awesome, right, you know yeah, she and I've seen.
Speaker 2:I've worked with a lot of people, a lot of heroin addicts. My first sponsee was a heroin addict. Come off a lot of stuff from working this program, but nothing takes place of your own doctor and taking charge of your health. She did.
Speaker 1:She took charge of her own right and the same way as our Get knowledge, get educated on this stuff.
Speaker 1:But it's the same thing I do, rob, and I do it ever since I've gotten sober. Like I said, I still read, I still go in. There's more things for me to learn about this, and here's the thing about it. And I say this the more I learn in this book, the more I can share with our guests, the more I can share with people out on the streets. I want to be educated, right. I want to know. When somebody brings up a situation with me, I can know intuitively where I can go, how I can help.
Speaker 2:And at least be able to leave that situation, feel like, okay, I said all I could. Right, because I'm never going to be completely satisfied. Right, because there is not that bullet, there's not the magic bullet that. I could have told that guy in the back of the room.
Speaker 1:Nope, nothing you could have said. This goes back to what I asked rachel. Right that? That goes back to what I asked, rachel. If we, you know, as a society of sobriety, or you know, therapists, psychologists, whatever, if we could ever figure out, just figure out key words, right that? Or?
Speaker 2:give me some pheromones or something I can put in a spray and walk up to that motherfucker, spray his face and there's a great, it's called the great gift of desperation spray. Spray it right in his fucking face here. All right, you know, then it hits him. I got it. Then they just their heart breaks, they're fucking broken Right.
Speaker 1:They're in more.
Speaker 2:It takes them from, uh, almost whatever pain they're in, to what it's needed, right, right I?
Speaker 1:can't leave here until I get an answer in this fucking room until I have someone help, right?
Speaker 2:that kind of desperate you put it on a spray, baby right, I'll hit everybody with it.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm talking, that's what I'm and I'm not going to stop looking, no, and that, like I said, that's why I stay in this. That's why I listen.
Speaker 2:I'm so frustrated about last night.
Speaker 1:Oh, my that meeting.
Speaker 2:That fucking guy and I'm sitting there. I was the last one to talk to him.
Speaker 1:Which one? Jj, yeah, okay, well, you got to get over it.
Speaker 2:No, no, I'm over it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that's it Right. I'm more frustrated with the guy that has several months or years talking about still having triggers that fucking bothered me more than he can't.
Speaker 2:He can't get an exciting, he cannot put himself in excitement. Then how do you come to an aa meeting? This is exciting. What different kind of excitement you don't? See, no, I know exactly what he's talking about, but you gotta have chaperones, I gotta have certain people with me or I I'll drink again, rob, there's certain.
Speaker 1:There's not a fucking jury I'm surprised you didn't say you need a better fucking sponsor, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't think he's got a sponsor. I don't think he's got. He obviously hasn't had a spiritual way in his road to these steps.
Speaker 1:Well, do you think he went through the? Has he been through the steps? No, I didn't, Obviously not he's living on the first power, the fellowship. The fellowship right. He's Go a little deeper on those powers.
Speaker 2:The tremendous fact, the feeling that we have shared the common peril, is one element of a powerful cement which binds. Well, the first one is we are you read it, we are people who normally wouldn't mix, but there exists among us a fellowship. A fellowship, the first power, that fellowship, the power. You come in, right, you put the drink down for a little bit, you feel supported, you got that power. Then people don't get into the second power, but then, because Bill talks about the, you know there exists a fellowship, a friendliness and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful, right, but then he goes into. You know, we're like the people of a ship who's wrecked. Right, man, we get off the ship. Man, hey, because once you're at the titanic, you guys are on the edge.
Speaker 2:Right, this guy's in his suit, in his tux, you're in your overalls right now right now you've got nothing in common, but the minute you fuckers jump in that ice cold water right, holding on to each other.
Speaker 1:Yep, now you got something. How are we gonna? How?
Speaker 2:are we gonna survive? Right you think that guy in the tuxedo gives a fuck what, how much money that cat's gotten to make no no, we're surviving right surviving, but then once that, once that's done, once you have survived, you know you, you were like you said, you got some sobriety. You haven't, haven't worked the steps when you're in that fellowship. That first power, but it says, the tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution, right? The second power, that spiritual awakening yeah, the common solution.
Speaker 2:I had written that on page 17, yeah, yeah and the common solution is, uh, a spiritual awakening right, a psychic change as dr silkworth calls it hey, do you think when people hear that psychic change they think we're a bunch of fruitcakes for calling it a psychic change? They could but that's the doc. What's another? Word for that psychic change spiritual awakening, spiritual experience, because we go back to the appendices that we read last week okay, bill wilson uses two different things. All right, spiritual awakening, spiritual experience. Okay, to describe the same thing.
Speaker 1:Dr silkworth calls it a psychic change uh, I'm not spiritual and I don't want psychiatrists.
Speaker 2:Dr Young calls it a vital spiritual experience.
Speaker 1:Right right.
Speaker 2:They all describe the same thing a personality change to sufficient to overcome alcoholism. That's what they describe, some of them like a spiritual experience boom. Right Spiritual awakening gradual, but they all mean the same thing.
Speaker 1:You know how. I've explained it to somebody one time and they looked at me like, yeah, I know what you're talking about. Have you to somebody one time and they got they were. They looked at me like yeah, I know what you're talking about. You know, have you ever put a puzzle together? And you know a puzzle like jigsaw puzzle, and you're you're messing with these little pieces and you're like, and as that puzzle's coming together, all of a sudden that one piece you drop in there and you go, oh fuck, all these are going in that pace. That's kind of the way I look at it, as that spiritual awakening or that it's like all of a sudden, everything just makes sense. That's what it was for me, right? And whether you call that a spiritual awakening, what, however, you want to, what is? What does Evie say to to? Uh, bill, you know what, whatever your perception of God is right.
Speaker 1:One. However, you want to explain that, that aha moment, right, whatever you want to fucking call it, but some people don't have that. Me it was a spiritual awakening, without a doubt mine was more of a gradual no, mine was like. It hit me over the head, yours is spiritual.
Speaker 2:What they call a spiritual experience, they're all the same thing. They're all they're. They all are a personality change sufficient to overcome alcoholism. Some are quick, some are slow. Right, doctors call this. But that's what. That's why the appendices is in there. They're all the same thing. Because some people want to say well, you know what? Because you know well, a spiritual awakening is x and a spiritual no. Go to the page 576, motherfucker. The author of this book tells you what he meant when he wrote that. They're the same definition. One is quick, one is gradual. Dr silkworth calls it a psychic change, dr young calls it a vital spiritual experience. What it is right is a personality change sufficient to overcome alcoholism. Don't redefine it. Go to the author of the book. It drives me nuts sorry.
Speaker 1:Okay, it's all right. It's funny that, like I said, that's why last night, whenever uh well, you hear people well, you know there's the broad.
Speaker 2:There's different kind of solutions in a for every. You know, for there's enough in here for every one of us. No, no, no, go to the go to the heading of that chapter. How many does it say?
Speaker 1:there is a solution. There is a solution. Right, that's what bill says a right a singular motherfucker there's some solutions.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there you have. But well, there's different solutions there for a for everybody in the book. No, it's not go go, go to the top of the top chapter. What does it say? There is a I. That's what bill says.
Speaker 1:You know, this is our basic you get so wound up dude, but again, this is our basic text it is, isn't it is they fucking try to complicate it, it's people, it's so simple right. That, I think, is what's so funny is. I listen to some of these other podcasts and people are just trying to complicate the shit out of this book. It's not. It's not that fucking difficult no, there is a solution.
Speaker 2:You know there may be, but we found one.
Speaker 1:You know I got a solution I said earlier that, um, you know, there there's. It should be an intermediate and advanced. It's not that it it's not that it's complicated, it's just that there's just so much in this book that you can that, if I remember, when I was first starting out, when they were talking about Bill and Dr Bob, I was getting them confused Dr Bill, dr Bob and number three was named Bill Dodson, right? So Bill, bill, bill Bob and bill got me confused as fuck. Yeah, I was all over the fucking place. I'm like which one are you talking about? Right?
Speaker 1:But once we learn it and get going a little further, that confusion has turned into knowledge, right. So when that confusion turns into knowledge, you understand things a little better, and that's what you're providing. Right, you're given more of that, but for somebody that hasn't like. But when I'm talking about when Chris was talking about it at Maynard's, I was confused, right, cause I didn't know, and so when somebody is confused, they tend to tune out. That's what. That's what I don't want to see happen to somebody. That's what I don't want. No, I want everybody to get ahold of it as best they can, right.
Speaker 2:But I dug about it Cause, like last week, uh, what was his name? He's been coming. He's like, well, you know what, rob, I've read that chapter Cause he's been in that it was either, it don't matter. Anyway his name was frank and that was his fucking name. He's come to our men's meeting, our money man. He's a younger guy, beard he goes. I've probably heard that chapter. It was bill story right.
Speaker 1:I don't know how many times I was there when he said. I thought it was in my three years, right but I've never heard like that.
Speaker 2:because now he's engaged, right. Right, he got a little backstory, he got a little history, right. Because now and he goes, now it's, it's come to life, now it's real Right, there's real people. Now I'm more engaged. It was basically he didn't say that, but that's what he meant. I'm invested now because I get it. That's what I want. You know, which was awesome.
Speaker 1:Sorry about those two guys drove me crazy. Not really, they don't drive me crazy, it's just hey, if I haven't told you lately, I appreciate you doing this podcast with me.
Speaker 2:One guy needs a chaperone, a bodyguard, you know, because he's. I love watching you get started up.
Speaker 1:It was all I could do.
Speaker 2:Because I mean, if Nathan hadn't come up, you know where I was going to go.
Speaker 1:Right, oh, I do Listen. You hadn't come up, you know where I was going to go right.
Speaker 2:Oh, I do it. Listen, you know, I was waiting for you to lose your shit. We meet these conditions. Well, hold on, uh, and assuming we're spiritually fit, which is what his problem is right there's certain times in his life when he's not right.
Speaker 2:You don't have himself bottled in when he goes to la, he's got to take chaperones yeah, or when he's not spiritually fit, in that we can do all sorts of things alcohol is not supposed to do. We must not go where liquor is served, we must not have it in our homes, must shun friends who drink, must avoid pictures with drinking scenes, must not go into bars or friends. Listen to this bullshit, god, my word, and I'm thinking that you're, and I can see you laughing.
Speaker 1:Oh, I was waiting for you to lose it.
Speaker 2:I'm waiting for him to get done talking, waiting for him to get his plover out.
Speaker 1:No, the best part, dude, the best part and I don't even remember you saying this when he says I'm going to talk about triggers and you leaned over and you go do tell, oh, yeah, yeah, oh, my God, that's when I looked at Doug. I go here, we go.
Speaker 2:Do tell. And here's the answer. We meet these conditions every day. These conditions every day. We do, you and I do, we all do. An alcoholic who we all were in that room, who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind. There is something that matters with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be someplace like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything. There's something and I know that's good. I'm glad Nathan said we did, but that's. I was going to read that to him and say young man he was going to say his name there's something wrong with your spiritual status. Right, you're not spiritually fit in those areas. Let's get some. Let's get. Won't you work the fucking steps you?
Speaker 2:know, and then grab that fucking idiot at the back of the room. It was broken. Every man in the room we signed our names.
Speaker 1:That guy was in pain, I guarantee you.
Speaker 2:we gave him a list of all our names. I promise you that fucker didn't make one call.
Speaker 1:When I was walking with him out at the end I circled my name. I said call me, I will pick you up to take you to the meeting with me next Monday night. Pick me up. All right, we're going to get out of here, all right. Thank you for joining us today. We hope you learned something today that will help you If you did not come back next week and we'll try again If you like.
Speaker 2:what we heard, give us a five-star review. If you don't like what you heard, kiss my ass. I can't say that, can you? Anyway, if you don't like what you heard, go ahead and tell us that too. We'll see what we can improve.
Speaker 1:We probably won't change nothing, but do it anyway, something will be different and something will sink in. Take care.
Speaker 2:This has been Recovery Unfiltered.