Recovery Unfiltered
Taking recovery discussion to a different level. Bringing comedy and the lighter side of sober living along with educating non-alcoholics and alcoholics. Hear real stories unfiltered.
Recovery Unfiltered
Breaking the Chains: From Waiting to Working the Steps
Nathan's journey through recovery takes a powerful turn as he shares why he waited almost six years before working the 12 steps, and the profound transformation that followed when he finally did. What began as simple abstinence eventually led to a spiritual awakening that changed everything.
"There were definitely time periods in those five-plus years where I struggled big time emotionally, spiritually, mentally—which I didn't have to," Nathan reveals. His testimony highlights the crucial difference between merely being sober and experiencing true recovery. While life improved somewhat after quitting drinking, he continued battling depression, anxiety, and uncontrollable anger until working through the steps unlocked a deeper healing.
The conversation explores the "window of willingness" concept—how pain initially creates motivation for change, but as basic life improvements occur, that window gradually narrows until another crisis forces it open again. Nathan's breakthrough came when emotional brokenness finally pushed him to complete the work he had long avoided. The results were transformative. His definition of serenity as an "overwhelming calmness" resonates throughout the episode, especially when describing how he now maintains peaceful relationships with his children and their mother, even spending Christmas mornings with them—something once deemed impossible.
Perhaps most touching is Nathan's experience praying for his estranged father, whom he had considered "hopeless." When his father called the very next day expressing desire to get sober, Nathan received powerful confirmation that "with God involved, nothing's hopeless." The hosts share their own experiences with spiritual disconnection and reconnection, creating a vulnerable discussion about maintaining balance in recovery while life's demands pull in multiple directions.
Whether you've been putting off step work, struggling to find peace in sobriety, or simply seeking inspiration for your journey, this episode offers profound insights into the difference between merely stopping drinking and experiencing the freedom of true spiritual awakening. Connect with us at RecoveryUnfilteredPodcast@gmail.com to share your thoughts!
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But the point is, use his experience, strength and hope. Hey, motherfuckers, get in here, hit it, Hit it fast.
Speaker 2:Right and I thought that, lauren that you spoke to this morning, that's what I told him Friday night.
Speaker 1:That's what he said. Because, he goes. I thought I was just, you know, because my sponsor's down in Salinas and I'm up here for a while, I was going to kind of work this out and he goes. I talked to Larry, he shared this to me and I goes, and he was, and I was looking right at him and I talked to Larry yesterday and they said no, fuck that, get you know, get it done, get it going. Why it's fresh?
Speaker 2:Why the pain is, and that's what I was telling him. I go, that guy will. I don't fucking sponsor because I'm a self-centered son of a bitch. Don't ask me to fucking sponsor. I'm fucking horrible, I'm selfish and I haven't gotten rid of that one yet. You ready to go Ready? You sit on the toilet, don't you? Nope, use that as your meditation.
Speaker 1:Not my wife, not your wife. I hover over it, drop bombs.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Recovery Unfiltered.
Speaker 1:I'm Larry. I'm an Hover over it.
Speaker 2:Drop bombs. That's the helicopter bringing our guest back in. Okay, sound like a lawnmower at first.
Speaker 1:So sit back, grab a beverage of your choice and get ready just non-alcoholic, my wife hates me using those noises.
Speaker 2:Oh, I bet she does the one she hates the worst hold on the baby. Yeah, she hates this one. That's my favorite one too. I love that hey welcome back. Welcome back I am going to tell you I am meeting this afternoon with a guy that helped me get this podcast started from the very beginning.
Speaker 1:He's now got a band called harbor drive and they're gonna they're I'm working with him to write us a new jingle and do a whole, whole intro for us okay yeah, I'm pretty pumped for that I'm meeting this afternoon we still got to meet with those other two cats that got a podcast I, I don't know well, I mean, I'm not saying we got to, but we had yeah, if we do, we do.
Speaker 2:I do want to put it together. You know, the whole thing was the zoom thing. We couldn't get, couldn't get it working and I figured it out now. So I mean, yeah, I need to get back in contact with them. I I got a few things still going on with work. I have to here and there and there I got to get a schedule. I mean, you and I are recording again back to back, which it's not a fun thing to do. It's easier if we only do one at a time, but we're recording back to back because I'm gone so much, right I'm leaving again somewhere.
Speaker 1:Get some ahead in the pocket right we can actually take a week or so off right, so what I didn't say it I almost said mother I only said it one time in the last episode my sister's like you guys quit fighting. I just say the word. No, we're gonna get better.
Speaker 2:You know what it's not bad to say it occasionally to. We're supposed to be better than that. Punctuate a sentence or punctuate something, emphasize something but, go back and listen to our last two episodes and it was horrible, it's hard to listen to myself. It was bad.
Speaker 1:All right, so here we go. So we got Nathan back, we got.
Speaker 2:Nathan back. Hi, Nathan, Hold on a second. Hey, Larry, Welcome back, Nathan. Thanks for telling your story, that's. You know I enjoy the stories. I really, really do, because it, just like I said, we were talking, talking before we started recording is you know, we're all alcoholics. It doesn't matter what direction we get. Get there Right, and we start looking at the differences and start looking at the similarities. We're all alcoholics, and you know. You look at the group of guys. You know Nathan's a part of our group on Monday nights and I mean there's a group of guys in there that I mean on the outside we probably would have never hung out, but I love each and every one of you guys dearly, with every ounce of my heart, and I'd bleed for everybody in that thing, you know, and it's because, because of the wreckage that we've been through, right, and it was good to hear your story. I appreciate it. I'm glad you opened up.
Speaker 2:Thank you for coming on thanks for having me absolutely so we're going to dig in a little bit more about because you waited how many years before you actually did your steps it was almost six years okay, a few months before I got six years Wow. So we're going to dig into that a little bit and talk about you know, your regrets, I guess as a word to say it.
Speaker 1:Because I always ask him, and then the way God works in here. This is where you wonder why we were recording. Because we were bullshitting right before we started this one.
Speaker 1:Why aren't we recording this? Because you're an idiot, you're the one with the buttons dumbass. But what I want to get into, because every time he serves that and when he went and shared the lakes I got to be a part of, and whenever we're talking, say the big book study thursday, and he's there and I always ask, okay, nathan, what is the difference now? But having had worked the steps, you know you had five years of dryer, so we had with, with periods of happiness and in there, and he would, you know, he was actually a dad again, right, but the difference, right. And then when he told god you know his story that I'm done with service, and god says, no, you're not, because now I get to open because of what you did, nathan, god's in this I'm speaking, I'm speaking on behalf of god, but not for god. Obviously I can't speak for god, but but I see it of all the years I've been sober with the next, you know, in our book, on page 164, it says you know our book is meant to be suggestive. Only we realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come if your own house is in order, and here's the key. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. You can't transmit a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. You can't even speak about it because you don't have it until you get that.
Speaker 1:So Nathan was able to share, through his service, through chairing the meeting for a year and a half, the Friday meeting and being that part, the fellowship that Bill talks about on page 17. He tells you about the two powers being wrecked in the same vessel right, the alcoholism, but that would not have joined us as we are joined now. The common solution. Right, spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. Right. So when he said I'm stepping away, would God say no, no, no. Now that you've taken action, nathan, you've opened up this other door. You've had a spiritual way. You have a different relationship with me by this action you've taken. I'm gonna go share that because his story's so unique. I'm gonna go share that, nathan. I want you to go share that. Be obedient and he does. And there's that growth, that gift that comes to us, that spiritual growth that comes through doing that, but nathan opened up another door and, yes, it took him five years to get there. Most people don't make it.
Speaker 1:I would have never made it five years I don't know if I would just on that first power of the fellowship, I'd have been dead, yeah but he was able to. But yet it took him because he's an alcoholic of our type and therefore it took him finally to that point again because even in the rooms he just said I was at an emotional brokenness again just you know to a point right, either either go get drunk or go do these, right.
Speaker 1:That's what we talked about my question to Nathan is, and Brad had said the same thing because he was three years, sober, almost three years before he decided that he was well, escalon, say that same Escalon meeting Right. A guy behind him said I need a sponsor. And I looked at Brad Because Brandon was across the room.
Speaker 1:I knew I was getting him that night, which we did, and so Brad had to do his, to take another man through his, because you can't transmit what you don't have, right, what a gift. But Brad said, man, I wish when I came in, he said that right here, while it was fresh, do you wish, and I know Nathan does too.
Speaker 1:But I want you to share you know five years of what you gleaned and how you would do it now and what you would. What do you recommend? If someone's gonna hear this, you know well, I mean that guy has lived my life and yet I'm not. You know, because most people that lived his life right are not in the in the free world, they're locked up right. But here's nathan, sobered like kicking ass.
Speaker 3:Talk to me yeah, there were, um. There were definitely time periods there in that five years, five plus years, where I struggled big time emotionally, spiritually, mentally, um which I didn't have to. It didn't have to be that way say that again.
Speaker 3:Nathan, you didn't what I didn't have to thank you um, you know I struggled powerful word right there I've struggled with depression and anxiety and all of that through life and um. I still get little cases of depression. It's more so I identify it as self-pity today yes, sir and uh, anxiety pretty much isn't there. It's just non-existent anymore. And when I do have anxiety we've talked about this it's fear.
Speaker 2:Yeah, look, can I? Can I ask you just on that, because I I actually just talked about this the other, the other day. I don't look at that as anxiety as much as I look at it as anxiousness, would you?
Speaker 1:well, it's anxious, just anxious about.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know because anxiety to me you're thinking of a panic attack as opposed to right because my anxiety. Maybe you had it when my before I got into this program. My anxiety was up to my throat and just my head was wanting to explode and my heart was coming out of my panic attack, that's what I I mean, that's what I was drinking was trying to get that to yeah down anxiety attacks could make you literally feel like you're gonna right, okay, okay, yeah, so you still have those no okay, all right I.
Speaker 3:I do not have any anxiety attacks whatsoever, neither do I when I was younger. I took when you start feeling a little bit.
Speaker 1:You're talking about fear right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the little bit that I do feel right I can identify as fear today all right, okay, um, but yeah, I Okay. But yeah, I did not do what was suggested. When coming into it, I knew I thought I can do it without it, and there's actually there's a couple members in the Oakdale room that have done it, had long-term sobriety without doing the steps, and so I was like, if they can do it, I can do it. Like it it just made me, made me go that route, I guess.
Speaker 1:Do they have joy, do they have?
Speaker 3:joy in their sobriety. You know one of them does, but he has went through the steps himself. Okay, and like, like we've talked about how john did that while he was in jail, just like the book suggests, just like the book says um, but it's better to go through the steps with someone that's guiding you through the steps I, I believe um, it's always better to go through anything with a friend right, with somebody you care for, somebody you love and someone's been that person right the path
Speaker 3:so right and I think pat um like hit the nail right on the head in one of those monday groups that we were in when he said that window of opportunity, window, window, willingness, right. So when you come in and you and you're first getting sober, you have all this pain and it's pain is a great motivator, yep, and that window is wide open. Your willingness to do what it takes is a lot more than you know. You get the job back, you get to see the kids again, you get a vehicle, you get, you know, life starts becoming good.
Speaker 3:And that window gets smaller and smaller and smaller until it's damn near shut, and it took pain for me for that window to open up again and to finally to do the steps. And so, yeah, I suggest to get in right away and do it while that window is still open, because life's going to get better when you quit drinking, even if you don't work on yourself life gets better.
Speaker 1:You stop putting poison in your body, it gets better yeah.
Speaker 3:So yeah, I definitely suggest to do them right away and to get through them.
Speaker 2:I got a guy at the wrestling tournament yesterday. A friend of mine coached him in high school football. He was one of my players. He came up to me. He goes hey coach, I was thinking about you the other day. He goes. You know, I haven't had wine and I haven't drank in 11 weeks and I was thinking about you. I go what are you thinking about me? For Because you know you, you stopped drinking. I go okay, how are you feeling? He goes. I've never felt better in my life. He goes. I'll probably drink again, but he goes. I just haven't drank in 11 weeks and I just wanted to tell you that and I'm like well appreciate that and I go. You're probably what they call a normie. You're probably a normie, but you know right.
Speaker 3:You know Right, you know. That's something else that has that just brought up thought is that that reservations right, having that reservation to drink again this time around. When I got sober that reservation to drink again was gone.
Speaker 2:Obsession yeah.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no the out. He was giving himself the reservation. You know, like Brian, like our buddy Brian, was.
Speaker 3:I'm not sure I'm one of these. You know I'm gonna. They had that, I got you. Okay, all right. Or like say you know I could have when I first got sober.
Speaker 3:When my mom dies, I'm gonna drink right, okay when planning to drink in the future once once some when something bad happens or when something good happens or just yeah, you know you know us alcoholics could come up with any excuse in the book to drink, yep, yep, um, which, uh, yeah, once. Once I completely gave up that reservation to drink and knew that that it's not what I wanted anymore it's, and the obsession was lifted. You know, I believe the obsession to drink was lifted. Before doing the steps for me, they were for me.
Speaker 1:It was for me, but I still. I mean, when I was on my ass on the floor and Tammy came up to me and I'm crying, she's like baby was wrong. I said I'm an alcoholic and she says I know, what do you want to do about it? Right then, and I didn't know it was right then, until I can, a few weeks later, when I was in Maynard's Holy shit.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's right. Then it left me. I still had to start thinking about it and I literally remember when that I felt that leave me.
Speaker 1:I was with Chris, we were doing our you know, the book work in Mainers and I was like you know, cause everything happened so fast? I was like when did that? Oh, cause, that's a for me that I was talking to myself, you know, like when you talk yourself into that next drink gone. But I still had to do the steps.
Speaker 2:Like I said, I remember when that obsession left and the willingness went into overdrive, right? I mean because until that point I was trying to still figure out a way to get out of rehab and I was trying to convince them people how to run the program and I was trying to tell everybody what to do. As Larry sees it, as Larry sees it right, I was still doing that until that moment. That obsession left and that willingness to do whatever it took to get more of that peace and that serenity in my life. At that point I didn't give a shit about drinking anymore. I wanted more of that peace in my life Because you found its replacement.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, there's the. It comes from God and it's real that depression, and it's lasting.
Speaker 2:When I saw that little bit of sliver of light come in and I'm like, and I realized the deep, dark depression that I was sitting in and the darkness that I was in, I'm like I want that.
Speaker 1:Whatever that I was in, I'm like I want that whatever that was, I just saw I wanted that and I did everything I get to get, and to get that this, this was a beautiful thing, like in church today. Steve was talking about, uh, the pastor, about everybody's got a mission, or god has a ministry for you. Right, you know. But what normal people think is what I don't want to go to africa and be a missionary. That's probably not it, motherfucker. But if it was, if that was what god had planned for you, right, he will put such something on your heart that that's all you will want, right? But and I and I was, and I talked to him after the word, so I was talking to brian, brian had me and brian were working on a few things, and I said I appreciate the fact, because he told me because, listen, god has a ministry for you, but it wouldn't be a shame for you to get there, you know, because it doesn't mean you're not going to heaven because you are in Christ, you know, if you're a Christian, anyway, this is the Christian ease, he said, but it's yours, wouldn't it be a shame to stand before God? And he says, well, this is what I had for you, but you chose, you know, the easier, softer way, more or less. You're still here. Look what I had for you to look at the lives you know you could have touched, which a is all about action. And if you, you know, if you, and if you're listening to this, you hear nathan's story, you realize, if you want to get from where he was, which was, you know, the, the childhood, and where he's at now, which is amazing, relationship with god and his children and the mother of his children, I mean it takes action. Yeah, this, this, this, this, because you do the third step.
Speaker 1:I mean, if you think about it, you do the third step prayer. What is it I offer myself to you today to build with me, as you will. I mean, how many times have we prayed to God If God doesn't answer? You know why? Because what do we do next? This is how it works you do the prayer, then you show God how serious you are. I'm so serious about that, I'm going to go do. I'm going to go write a fearless moral inventory and I'm going to go with another man and I'm going to share this pain. I'm going to share this truth, I'm going to share this, do whatever I got to do, and then God says, okay, that prayer is actualized because you did the work. And then we do what Six and seven At.
Speaker 1:I give you everything, all of me, the good and the bad. Right, and this is how serious I am, lord. I'm going to go do step eight. I'm going to make a list of people I had hurt and then I'm going to take the action to go do the best I can to make me as a God. And then that prayer, which we call the ninth step, promises that prayer becomes actualized. Right, but no prayer in your life people will become actualized if you don't put the fucking work behind it. There's the F word Sorry.
Speaker 2:Right, it takes action. That's why we have but everything in our lives. If you want something, takes action.
Speaker 1:If you want it, it takes action.
Speaker 2:But people's faith in God diminishes because they think they're going to get it Like he made water into wine. It doesn't happen that way, and they think if they're so earnest in their prayers.
Speaker 1:that is going to know. Get up and go, go do it. God will hit a moving target. He prefers to do so, am I correct, nathan?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I believe that that what you read we're talking about after that third step prayer. That's something that really hit with me when right before we did, right after we did, that third step prayer and we talked about the third step, and you had said that, um, by truly doing this, the third step is doing steps four through 12, basically how you accomplish, in other words, how you turn your will and your life over to care of God.
Speaker 1:That's how you do it. Yeah, you do. You do the next four through 12,. You do the next nine steps.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and um and you did, yeah, and you did. She cannot believe that I am the more patient parent with the children, like, and that I'm just always calm and have all these things that I never had before. I was always so angry that it was uncontrollable really. And you know, larry talked about the serenity like serenity is is huge in my life today like that's, that overwhelming calmness oh yeah, that god does for us, god's doing for us.
Speaker 1:It's serenity couldn't do for ourselves and I never say that again.
Speaker 2:Say that again, nathan.
Speaker 3:That overwhelming calmness that I have is, I think, we talked about that in here.
Speaker 2:We couldn't really say a definition of serenity. We've talked about that on the podcast Overwhelming calmness.
Speaker 1:I like that, I do too.
Speaker 2:There we go we actually we asked for a definition that you know. What does serenity mean to you? We talked about that and you just nailed it right there. What you just said, I hadn't heard it said that way before.
Speaker 1:Put that down in my big. I hear I got notes in my big book when they're good so I can write that down. So that's always overwhelming.
Speaker 3:That is good. Yeah, I, and that's something that I have. You know, I haven't been in a fight in five and a half years and that's almost as big of an accomplishment to me as not drinking Right Like.
Speaker 2:Do you ever miss it? Not the fighting of anger, but I know for my son-in-law, that's a dopamine thing for him he needs the rolling, the, the that. Do you ever think about going back and just getting involved.
Speaker 1:He's gonna okay, we're gonna get fried mondays, right? Well, not me, I'm sorry. Wednesdays I'm doing it and fridays I'm doing jason's, come with me, and yeah, we've talked about that. Going to watch logan compete, right, because I guess he's still.
Speaker 2:Hey, he's still th he could get oh my god, you're still, you're still very healthy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, that's awesome, yeah but I want to talk to me about another thing, that's we're going to get off the road. I know I just find that no, no, it's good though, because look what we get to do in sobriety Right. Look what we get to do Right, there's certain things I get to do.
Speaker 1:I'm 52 years old with a titanium hip and I'm back on the mat. It's plastic. It might be because the motherfucker didn't go off yesterday and the ladies at the metal detector people that want the wand. So I said I got to. How did what did you? What did you sleep, what did you spend them? And how did you get to wake up? Because the program of alcohol, synonymous and god oh yeah, that that's a huge, just huge although we're not associated with Alcoholics Anonymous. Sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 3:I am blessing um that I got from from Alcoholics Anonymous is um. I got to spend Christmas with my children. The last three Christmases I spent the night at their house on their couch and got to wake up Christmas morning and watch my little girls open up presents.
Speaker 3:I love that. If you would have asked me or their mom if that was going to happen in the future, you know, five, six years ago ago, like no chance in hell would that have happened. And um, it's all from, from having, like what rob had talked about, those two powers, you know, the power of the fellowship and power of god, um, and being able to be accepting and loving and caring and and having humility and and serenity and and peace and and being able to have those types of relationships with them. And I, I talk with the kids as mom for an hour, two hours at a time, sometimes on the phone, and we're not together. We're not.
Speaker 2:You know, we're is there anything still there between the two of you, or maybe you don't want to talk about that?
Speaker 3:Say it Well, I would be open to getting back with her. I still love her. I always will love her Gotcha Okay. I'm the one that made the mistakes, and but you know that's not. If that's not, god's will Right, and that's then I'm okay with it.
Speaker 2:You know what, nathan? That goes back to that serenity thing, and I say this you know, it says it in our bible and calmness. Well, yes, but we ceased fighting, right. Not only does that mean in our alcohol, and that to me, I cease fighting with anything that I can't control, right, that was the biggest and hardest thing for me and that's where the peace and serenity came into my life is when I cease fighting, when I cease trying to tell you how to run your life, or I cease trying to control what your thought is or how you you process or how you treat me. And you know, I don't, I don't give a shit about that anymore.
Speaker 2:My wife gets very upset with me when she tries to get me upset over something my daughter did or something that this person. I'm like it's not a big deal, honey, you're going to be okay. I mean, why aren't you as upset as me about this? She gets mad and she's like I don't understand why this does I. I'm laying and she'll say why did that piss you off? I'm like, if something happens to me, I'm like I don't know why I don't piss me off because there's nothing I can do about it.
Speaker 1:way they feel that's the way it's not worth my serenity.
Speaker 2:It's not, it's not worth my peace, it's not right, and we ceased fighting. That's where I, that's the part. For me it was never about the alcohol, right, the alcohol I used to help suppress that anger in that, in that anxiety, anxiety and that flame that was inside of me. I wasn't't a physical person like you. I was a mentally, verbal, abusive person. Right, I would tear you down in a matter of a moment. Right, it was easily easy for me and I didn't give a shit. Right, I would just go on about my day, you know, and those in, and that's how I handled that part of it.
Speaker 2:But I, I got to a point where I didn't like that about me, I didn't. And then that's when my drinking really got even harder, because I was trying to suppress that all the time. But when I say I ceased fighting, I stopped that, right, when Chris turned those chairs around and he said I wasn't in control of those and I realized, holy shit, he's right, he's right, I'm not. And that's when I saw that, that little glimmer of hope and that. But I don't even know where I went down this rabbit hole. But that's when I cease fighting.
Speaker 2:But that's when you say you know where you're at now.
Speaker 1:You cease fighting and you're in more of a peaceful place in your life in his relationship, possibly right with his, you know, because he's letting god, whatever god wants, whatever god.
Speaker 3:What I want for my life and because yeah, it's like that in every situation really, I you know, there's serenity prayer right when the closer you can get to that.
Speaker 2:Yes really what it's all about 100% nathan it's such a simple prayer, but so powerful, right yeah?
Speaker 1:It's just so powerful. Like I was grinding for two when we talked about the Monday night meeting. Because I was grinding for two weeks, you know the first two weeks when Bonnie left, because I had you know things, because when she she went to take care of Tammy, I had other things that got thrown on my plate. And I was when I said, hey, I got this, and that's exactly what I said in my mind. I got this and that's exactly what I said in my mind. I got this. I didn't ask God to come help, I said I got this. And then for two weeks I was doing great.
Speaker 1:I didn't. I wasn't, but mentally and spiritually, and everybody can see it, what's wrong, rob? Nothing's wrong. What's wrong, right. And I didn't realize it until watching brandon on sunday get baptized. And then god hit me and I was like I left him right. I didn't pray in the morning because I'd get up in the morning. I was telling nathan on the way out. I didn't do my normal. You know a little bit of reading, a little 24 hour and then to tell god, I was just up, okay, I got.
Speaker 1:Not only do, I got to do the shit I want to do, you know, I got to work. And then, okay, then there's these other things that I got this right. And then watching brandon get baptized, the emotions and god says, and I was like you know, thanking him, he's like, well, where have I been? Like fuck, I left you on the corner of 32nd vine when I said I got this right, would you please come back? Right, I went back to, I went back to the corner of the street Come, please, come back, would you please go with me today? And I started doing what I used to do and it happens to all of us, you know, but everybody can see it. Brandon goes, I can see on your face you look just like me. Then, when I showed up at the men's retreat, just, and I didn't have a good time because I took myself with me, yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 2:I took myself with me. Yeah, and you know what? We're so attached to ourselves that we do forget to leave us behind. Somebody will ask me. I said fuck you.
Speaker 1:I forgot to bring God with me, right.
Speaker 2:I got this. You don't want my thoughts. I guarantee you my thoughts will get you in trouble. You don't want my opinion because my opinion is mine. Use your own fucking opinion. This last week has been an amazing week.
Speaker 1:Right weekend right not because everything went well, because it sure as fuck didn't, but god was with me, right, and it's in perspective. Right, everything is back in perspective, right. You know his perspective. Like nathan just said beautifully if it's god's will, right, and he wants it, that's what I want, right, and then doors will open well, that's one of the biggest blessings that has happened is my perspective change, that's my perspective on everything is completely different.
Speaker 3:It's not so much that everyone else changed and everything else changed, it's that I changed, yeah, and the way I look at things change, outlook on life will change.
Speaker 2:God bless me. No, bless them and change me. Bless them and change me. Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 1:that's what you're right now. My perspective changed, I didn't, and that's just like page five you're talking about. I was just gonna say nathan wanted to bring that up well, when we do that, when we pray for those people wherever you know because I I got that whole page highlighted, my favorite page it's not those people don't change those prayers and god change us and our views. So talk about what you talk about. A 552?.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So we were reading that story in the back of the book a few weeks back and, and you know, I heard it and I knew that there's ones, that that the resentment is still there A four For my father, for instance, right, and, and so when I got home that night, I I realized that I I don't ever pray for my dad. I pray for my brothers and sisters and my kids and their mom and and um people in the fellowship, um, and stuff like that, but I don't ever pray for my dad. And and so that night I prayed for my dad, um, you know, I the way that I looked at it was there was like, oh, there's no hope for him. You know he's, he's hopeless Um, but I prayed for him that night and he called me the next day, the next day yeah, it didn't take two weeks.
Speaker 3:Um, like the book says, um, the the next day, the next day, yeah, it didn't take two weeks. Yeah, um, like the book says, um, the very next day he calls me and he's told me that he's clean and that he wants to go to a meeting. And I said I'll take you to a meeting. You know, and and um, I took him to a meeting for a couple of days and and then, uh he, he hasn't came back since then, but to me that was God's way of showing me that he's there.
Speaker 2:Um the God's there. Yes, the God's there.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. Um, nobody is hopeless.
Speaker 1:And I think that was the point he wanted to get across to you with God involved, nothing's hopeless, hopeless right. And it also had you reach out. You know it helped you to overcome. A pray for him, those that we think of ourselves, because that's what god wants, that's because that's who we were. We were hopeless and helpless. We thought we mean we were the, and look what god did to us. Look what god's done for us right when we, when we got out of the way, admitted our faults and did the fucking step work.
Speaker 3:There's the effort again, sorry oh yeah, and I pointed out page 552 to numerous other people in the past, but never have really used it myself it hit you a little differently, didn't it?
Speaker 1:well, this is gonna be good for you, but I'm not gonna take my advice I do.
Speaker 2:I suffer myself, right but there's sometimes where you read it and you go over it. You different. You're right. Yes, it hits you differently because I feel like it's your emotional state at the time that you're reading it. There's so many things. Rule 62 and one of the stories and I wish I could go back to it. Rule 62 I'd read it multiple times until until it hit chris from up here in waterford. He had a tattooed on the back of his arm, a hand, and I'm like what is that? He's like rule 62. And he I'm like, wow, stop taking yourself so fucking serious, right, and it changed. It changed a lot for me. It changed a lot for me.
Speaker 1:It goes in with what I read, god will constantly disclose more to you and us ask you know if your, if your house is clean as we grow spiritually? It's like the bible. People say it about the Bible too, but as you read the big book, fuck, I never even saw it that way before.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:As we become more spiritually fit Right, or I shouldn't say you can be spiritually. He's as spiritually fit as anybody, 30, 40, 60 years sober because he did the work he's had that. But as we become more spiritually mature Right, the spirit mature, right, the spirit inside of us and god okay, now you're ready for this a little bit more. Here's the same sentence, but now you're gonna see it, it's a little bit depth.
Speaker 2:Now you're gonna read in between the black letters and that's what happens I'll hear jason right, jason r say some stuff sometimes and I'm like where did he get that from? And I'll go back and read the same thing he just described and just spoke about and I don't see what he's saying. Right, but you will, but I, well, or I or I'll say something that that somebody didn't see, that they've read multiple times. It's once again. It's where you're emotionally at at the time and spiritual maturity, if you're going to accept what you're reading, right, you're are you open? Are you accepting it? Am I in a position to where I need to hear that now you?
Speaker 2:okay, there you said I wish I had a video on, are you no, but?
Speaker 1:are you open? Okay, we're gonna tie into what he just said. Are you open? Open, absolutely. I've been sober almost 14 years, right where we're at sitting this table, and for two weeks I was grinding if I had just said what nathan did, god, whatever thy will not might be done. When you do that, he'll open the door, because I've heard so many people they're struggling with something.
Speaker 2:If you truly give it, if you truly Truly give it If you really mean it, if you're sitting there with your teeth grinding and go, god, just take it from me.
Speaker 1:He ain't going to take shit from you Because you're not ready, you're not open yet for it.
Speaker 3:I think it goes with that saying I get to do this, not I have to do this, and starting to make you know, training our brains to help change the perspective. Like I worked this weekend and when I I almost wrote when I was talking, texting somebody I have to work tomorrow. And then I caught myself as I'm writing it and wrote I get to work tomorrow and then I caught myself.
Speaker 1:That's funny, right as I'm writing it and wrote I get to work tomorrow right, like, but it's those little things I mean, that's, I love that right, that's because that matters, that's growth, that's and you know it's funny when you hear people talk I have to go to do this, I have to go do that.
Speaker 2:You hear it now. Yes, right, and you want to correct them, but there's so many and I, sometimes I will.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, there's sometimes I will. Yeah, you get to do that. No, yeah, yeah, I get, you're right. You're right, it is. I mean, I'll never forget the first time Rob said it to me. I was coming home, I was probably maybe four or five months sober and I was like I have to go do this, I have to do something for my dad. I said I got to go do this for my dad and he says, no, larry, you get to go do that for your dad. I'm like, yeah, and he kind of hit me right then he's absolutely right, I get to go do this.
Speaker 2:It's something I didn't want to do, but I had the ability to go do it and my dad was still around to go do it with Right.
Speaker 1:I think the way I pref. What a blessing. There you right to go right.
Speaker 2:You have service to your dad and you're like, yeah, you prick, but you did. But you which would normally be your response, but you didn't say that.
Speaker 1:You said you're right, you're right, I do, you're right, it literally was, and I probably said shit like that to him multiple times, multiple times.
Speaker 2:It's just right. You know that's one of those fucking things, right anyways. So I want to wrap this back around to what we originally started talking about, and that is waiting. Waiting the six years, the step work, waiting that period of time dangerous, right?
Speaker 2:I don't know. There's no way I could have done it. There's no way I could have either. I don't know. And I'm going to ask this, nathan, and you can answer or not answer it, I don't care what. What was getting you through that? What I mean? What tools were you using? Because you service? For one, we know service, right, but that wasn't until about a year and a half before you did their step work. Right, right, right, but you still had four years there that you just were grinding what what? Right, but you still had four years there that you just were grinding. What was keeping you sober, what was keeping you from the drunk? Because you even said that your reservation didn't leave until you started doing those things.
Speaker 3:The step works, right, no, my reservation was gone as soon as I got sober. Okay, I did not have that Right before his mother died. That's right, he had the last reservation.
Speaker 1:That's right, he would go through periods of a lot of meetings and no meetings, a lot of meetings and no meetings. But it had to be the power of the fellowship, kind of, because you just that was just keeping you sober, it was the power of the fellowship.
Speaker 3:It was not having that reservation to drink, not having the obsession.
Speaker 2:Do you remember any happiness during that period of time?
Speaker 3:Oh, definitely.
Speaker 2:Oh you do Okay.
Speaker 3:There was lots of happiness during that time period, but I do remember struggling to feel joy and happiness.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right.
Speaker 3:All right and moments that. I was in back then I remember thinking to myself I should be happy right now. I should be feeling happy feelings, right now and then, and it just wasn't happening. I did and I thought you know I'm more so just blamed it on oh, it was probably the alcohol and the drugs, Right, and I'm not producing those endorphins and stuff, Right?
Speaker 2:But I don't think. Look at the shit we tell ourselves.
Speaker 3:I don't think it was that Right. I Look at the shit we tell ourselves. I don't think it was that Right. I think it was more so. I wasn't okay, I wasn't at peace inside that I still had that spiritual malady. Right, I wasn't seeking God. Right, right.
Speaker 2:God was there, but I wasn't seeking him. I find myself on that rant still to this day only because I'm gonna don't want to. I want to be very careful. I say that because I live such a busy life. I'm no different than anybody else huh, full life full.
Speaker 2:I'm gone all the time, right, and my balance is is screwy. Katie and I were just talking about this yesterday, right I, my balance is. I haven't found it again in a while and I think I even referenced the other night when I was speaking that my balance is really off right now. If it wasn't for this podcast, I'd be really podcast, and monday night is it? Because that's a, that's a stability, that's right. I mean, the podcast is something you know. Now. It's a. This is we have to do it every two weeks. Right, I have to when I know that there's not one in there. It has to be done. And I don't like the like, the thought of saying that it has to be done because this is a gift, right, it's a gift that Rob and I get to do. Right, it's a gift to have you in here to tell, to sell your, to tell your story. It's a gift. Everything we do in this podcast is a gift, cause we'd be dead if we had got sober.
Speaker 2:Right. So all of this, to be able to share this as a gift. But there's when I'm gone for a couple of weeks at a time and I don't have the Monday night group, the Saturday morning groups. I don't have those groups. What you just spoke about, that, that little bit of unhappiness and uneasement inside me's hard to find that joy. It's hard to find the joy because in my mind everything is work right.
Speaker 1:I don't have but the problem, and here's, here's what we will get to eventually. God's with you everywhere you go and that's a percent, and that's where our joy and our peace we got to find that in him, and as and as as we spread our wings, as you are spreading your wings, it's a great thing. God didn't get you sober just to do podcasts and go to monday night he got you sober to be a light in the world and I go be that light and you gain here and you will get there I get the opportunity to
Speaker 2:come home and get refueled like right and I get the opportunity to speak a lot to people because of my, because of this podcast and because of you know, obviously I advertise my, my, all over my arm.
Speaker 1:I get the opportunity.
Speaker 2:I'm very sober, out loud, I get the opportunity to speak to a lot of people, and a lot of I mean I've had people stop me in airports and ask me. I've had people in restaurants ask me. I've had I mean I've been able to speak to. I had a guy on the airplane just going last week we were going into San Diego out of Fresno and he was sitting next to me and I was reading. I had my iPad open and I was reading something and I come across when I turned the page it said AA on the Alcoholics Anonymous over the top and I actually had my headphones on and I was listening to music as I was reading you know multitasking. And he looked at me like this and he started talking. And I'm like you know multitasking. And uh he, uh, he looked at me like this and he started talking and I'm like this dude realized I got headphones in so I took anyways, we started talking and he would just got back from a mission. I said, well, you know I'm Alcoholics Anonymous, I did this and we started talking about you know different kinds of gods and this and that you know. But because I got that opportunity, that was my AA meet, that was my AA moment.
Speaker 2:At that particular moment, jason and I yesterday, down there in the middle of the parking lot at Clovis East at a damn AA meeting, right in the middle of the you know, when we get the opportunity, we reground ourselves right and we talk about it and that's where my joy and my happiness comes. And you know, and I said this to somebody the other day, if it isn't work or AA and this is kind of sad for me I have a hard time having communication with somebody. If it's not work or AA, right, so where's my balance? That's where I say I need to find my balance. That's where I need to find my balance. I need to be able to find that joy and happiness with my wife.
Speaker 2:Katie was listening to something the other day on TikTok or whatever. She was listening to and I said and she started talking to me about it and I said, yeah, I really don't care. And she goes well, it's kind of unfair that you can't talk to me and I, dude, that hit me hard. Ooh, that hit me hard. And that was the next day I was flying out to back down to Arizona and I texted her. I said, hey, send me that person you were listening to. I want to get, I need that was wrong of me, right but finding that balance so we can keep that peace. Nathan, like we talked about knowing where we're at, if we're not in those meetings, where are we finding our happiness? Where are we getting our joy from?
Speaker 1:Where's that conscious contact with God coming from?
Speaker 3:Right, right. Well, yeah, that's you know.
Speaker 2:Some people say progress, not perfection right, right there, but really, really it's spiritual progress not spiritual perfection.
Speaker 1:Thank you for that?
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely. The more that we grow closer to God and the more that's where I get grounded and centered and balanced is the closer I am with him. The more that I seek his will and the more that my will and his will align, the more joy I feel.
Speaker 2:Thank you, yeah, thank you, nathan.
Speaker 1:And how that happens per person can be different. You know how we seek God and how we spiritually or spiritual Right. What did you say?
Speaker 2:Progress, progress Say that again Spiritual progress.
Speaker 1:Rather than spiritual perfection. Okay, yeah, I like that we claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's how it's stated. But, people use progress, not perfection as excuses for things which is not
Speaker 2:meant for that. That's funny. You're right, they do. They use it as a joke.
Speaker 1:This is how they just messed up. You know it's progress, not perfection. And then Nathan gives you the real quote. He's a big book thumper is what he is not perfection.
Speaker 3:And then nathan gives you the real quote. He's a big book. Thumper is what he is. Well, you know, that's something that I've. I have gotten into the book more and more lately. Rob doing the um thursday night uh book study, and then the monday you know it's same same deal.
Speaker 3:It's a book study as well, and so we're going at it double whammy. You know, yeah, went through it. Uh, what we went through just a couple months ago. We're going to be going through a monday now and we'll hear new shit that we didn't hear the first time.
Speaker 2:We went right because we're more spiritually mature.
Speaker 1:Hopefully you know at least I am because I mean I heard that and I heard four or five times at that fucking men's retreat there's the F word again, whatever you know when someone was sharing and then you know there would be like a couple of cross conversations and someone would ask someone else well, where's God in that? Where was God in that? And the whole time I'm just grinding and I don't realize, till my brother's getting baptized. Rob, you left God on the corner of 32nd and Vine.
Speaker 2:Why do you keep bringing up that accident?
Speaker 1:Because that's where it was.
Speaker 2:That's where I found him. How do you know? You found him right there, not in a Cracker Jack box In Stockton. That's where I found him.
Speaker 1:That's where I left him, that's where I told God I've got this, I know it's a joke.
Speaker 1:He was right there. It's a joke, you know, but that's where you just drop him off and he take me with you you're gonna need. He says okay, son, this I got, I've got this. Okay, son, let me know how that goes. Call me if you need me. You ain't gonna jump back in the car, no, you know. And he lets you go. Right, you know, have yourself and, through your own strength and your own little little plans and designs, go ahead. Baby, that's funny, he never jumps right, but I heard it. I mean, at times I hear guys say well, where's god in that? Yeah, I got it. And another guy said listen, he said you know that he had spent so much time working and helping other men. And you know he did. He forgot to work on himself. Yeah, oh, rob, right, right, but you think you're. You think you're. How come you're not in the passenger seat? Oh, you told me to get out, remember, you told me.
Speaker 2:I got this. You know, that was pretty early on, when you were telling me, when you and I first started working together, you were telling me all these people that you were working with and I finally called you up out of the blue and said who do you have that you could talk to about some of this shit? And you, you have that you could talk to about some of this shit. And you're like, don't worry, I have people and that's next week.
Speaker 2:You mentioned the monday night yeah, it's the very next week is what I wanted in the monday night group, where I was like, okay, I see, I see, and that's when I got started in the with the men and I, that's when I really started realizing how powerful that fellowship of you know, that monday night group. And I tell this, I say it all the time our monday night group is our monday night group. Find your own right, find one, create one, because it is a powerful tool for this sobriety and having nathan's vehicle been broke down a little bit right.
Speaker 1:I've been picking him up for meetings and stuff and I've been getting I didn't realize this. Another thing I'm going to share this. Just I haven't shared it with him either. I've been getting a lot of my calmness not overwhelming calmness in the last couple weeks when his body's been gone from him. Okay, because he's on, because he's grounded right now, and I kind of got ungrounded and I've been feeding off him good see we iron sharpening iron, oh yeah, metal sharpening metal.
Speaker 2:I mean, I it's. It's just, you know that. That's why I say these groups and being a part, and I hate being gone on Mondays and I'm here this Monday, gone the next Monday, gone the next two Mondays. You know, I hate that I'm gone because those Mondays are extremely important to me and the Saturdays, right, they're extremely important for me to find my balance, to get my balance to stay in that balance. And when I'm gone it's like what do I? You know I miss it, I miss it. But I also know that I could pick up the phone and call any of you guys and get right back to that balance that I need to be at.
Speaker 1:That's part of that group.
Speaker 2:We just gotta take that action right. We have to take that action and be a part of that group. Nathan, any closing words, no, a man of many. That's great though I mean, yeah, where he's at right now right is is where we, I mean where this is.
Speaker 1:There's no reason to ever not be here, right? Do whatever it takes to stay here. You know, of course, I went on a two-week hiatus, but you know being why did you? Go on a two-week hiatus. What I mean is when bonnie left right and those two weeks were I just grinding?
Speaker 3:oh, it was progressive.
Speaker 1:I didn't grind at first right as I started towards the end of the week and in the week and she could hear it you know like because I told god I've got this right and I went and you just picked up all the other stuff I had to do, okay, and I was just so busy doing all that other stuff I never made him pray right.
Speaker 3:I let those things go right because I didn't have time, right but like, uh, when I called you the other day and and you were, you were in that position and you know, and, and I wasn't expecting you to be like oh I'm, you know, not feeling good or whatever, right, and I remember saying but this makes you appreciate Bonnie a whole lot more now, doesn't it? Not that you didn't appreciate her before, but it really helps your perspective on what she actually does do.
Speaker 2:You need to give her a raise when she gets home.
Speaker 3:In all aspects right, Absolutely.
Speaker 1:And we're both getting that, but absolutely, and it's not that anything lacked because I was kicking ass, right, but at what cost? Right, the cost of my spiritual.
Speaker 3:I absolutely appreciate her and you know what's good, it's a beautiful thing god has done, right, you know and god, and god will use his things to yeah that you go through to help you grow closer to him well, absolutely, and I needed to, I really needed that to, to reground and re-humble you over the head every once in a while and I need it right and I and I need it.
Speaker 1:But it doesn't take as I've grown. It used to be a two by four, right Now it's just a, you know, hey, sorry, right, and it takes a man like Nathan you know who's I mean kicking ass to see. Okay, I need that again. So, right, go back, you know, know, get back to your roots. Yeah, I need that and I see, because I, you see, when you see spiritually fit human being, right doing the deal, okay, okay, I'm not you engage. Okay, I'm not there. Right, what do I need to get back there? Oh, take that five minutes in the morning, like you used to get on my knees, which I'm doing, I'm making a point. Get on my knees and talk to your father and ask him, invite him. Would you please get in the car with me as I go? Do this please. Sure, I'll be there. Don't leave me on the corner again, but you can if you want, I'll stay there, you know. But, yeah, but I need them into my life.
Speaker 2:No, because we're not all sick at the same time no, and we're not all well at the same time.
Speaker 1:No, no, and right now're more on point than I am, but he's I mean he's he's shining dude.
Speaker 2:I'm all over the place. I all over the place right now. Katie, you know me and mary. In fact, me and mary got into this the other night because her and I disagree on a very important thing. I, my wife, is probably one of my biggest sponsors. Who's never been an alcoholic, who's never went through the book, who's never done through the book, who's never done any of this work? But I still say she's one of my biggest sponsors because I can thoroughly 100% open up to her with this, no matter what it is right, no matter what it is, which is what you're supposed to be to your sponsor and Mary's like, you ain't supposed to talk to your wife about that kind of stuff. I'm like bullshit. If I can't open up to my wife what I mean, what's the point of having that best friend and that that partner in living in my house?
Speaker 1:Well, the problem with, I said, the problem. The relationship with Mary is different because her husband is in the program Right. So there's that dynamic that you don't have with Katie.
Speaker 2:No, I, like I said I, my wife, is probably one of my biggest, is my biggest sponsor right and accountability is my biggest sponsor.
Speaker 1:Right, accountability I call it. I say accountability partner.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean she knows you like she knows exactly when I'm going off the rails. She sees it right. She sees it in my face, but more than anybody else, right, and she can hear my voice on the phone.
Speaker 1:I didn't even think about that again. But how we?
Speaker 2:bonnie is one of mine, yeah, and she's gone she's gone right, because we talk about right, everything right. Yeah, you're missing that. I didn't think about that. Yeah, well, you're welcome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I appreciate that and that's because we talk every day on the phone.
Speaker 2:She's your partner she's your I'm gone from katie. I'm gone from katie for two or three days, but I'm in a bad spot. I got to get home. I don't realize how much I vent. It's not to my. Here's the thing for me. Just seeing her calms me. Just seeing her calms me. Smelling her. I haven't been sleeping as well, Right, so I mean I can't go If I'm home, if I'm away more than two or three days. Listen to us talking about our wives and poor Nathan. He'll get there. He'll get there.
Speaker 1:No, he's great dude.
Speaker 3:He's great dude, he's great he's great. I have to find happiness and and uh, growth and all and strengthen myself before I'm ever capable of right providing for someone else, you're 100 right, right, I told you, he's on point I'm getting closer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, god, god will literally open that door when you're, when you right, and I firmly believe that. I think it's right around the corner myself, I do too, and well, I think we hit something a minute ago, right. I think we hit something there.
Speaker 1:I'm going to try to drive that nail in the board, right, I mean. God's timing is perfect and mine is not.
Speaker 2:God's timing is amazing, you know, and that's the thing. If we stop and get the hell out of the way and let him drive, promise you life is better.
Speaker 1:He knows because he's right there. I'm getting back to that.
Speaker 2:And when you find your life, when you feel yourself fighting, you better look right. Normally, when I see my life getting difficult and things aren't going, it's because I've grabbed a hold of that steering wheel Right, and I have to. I have to back off and go here you go. Take it back Cause sorry, I took control for a minute. Take it back Cause I don't like the way I was. I don't like the way I was doing it.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, it's a struggle I. One of the things that I pray for and and uh in morning and night is the opportunities that God gave me or gives me Right, cause, like you said, you still have to take the action, yep, and so that I use. You know, like Rob always says, words matter. You a hundred percent, and so uh yeah, that's something I pray for is the opportunities Right.
Speaker 2:All right, Mr Nathan Robert, for is the opportunities Right? All right, Mr Nathan Robert.
Speaker 1:Yes, sir, Nice Recovery. Unfiltered Podcast gmailcom Say it.
Speaker 2:Recovery Unfiltered.
Speaker 1:Podcast at gmailcom, If you have any questions. Comments. Why am I forgetting to say that I don't know? People want to reach out to us, which they have.
Speaker 2:Hey, harbor Drive, that's my boy. Have a harbor drive, that's my boy. I'm gonna go have him this afternoon. Take a look at some of their music. You're starting to see it. He's starting to load a lot of it. Great friend of mine, the good, fabulous music. Maybe not be the music you listen to because it's a little on the harder side, but he does it like metallica acdc.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh yeah, that's hardcore you want to see my playlist.
Speaker 2:No, I'm good, that's all it is, yeah it's harbor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, harbor drive, he's, uh, I'm we're gonna start working on an intro for us and good, he's awesome. He helped me. Like I said, he's the one that helped me get this podcast up and running in the very beginning. So when I asked him the other day, I said, would you be interested in doing an intro? And you know, and harvard drive, you know producing and he's like, absolutely, come down, let's take a look at it. So, right, I'm actually going to go over there this afternoon and start working on something. So hopefully we're going to record number 40 next time you and I are together. That's going to be the end of season two and we're going to start on season three. On episode 41, baby Damn, you know where episode 52 is right. Episode 52 is one year. No shit, yeah, I'll be down. We'll be 12 episodes away from one.
Speaker 1:That's a God thing I mean.
Speaker 2:I don't mean to throw one out there yet, but we've been doing it. No fronts, no fronts, baby, no fronts. Let's get out of here. All right Later. Thank you for joining us today. We hope you learned something today that will help you If you did not come back next week, and we'll try again.
Speaker 1:If you like what we heard, give us a five-star review. If you don't like what you heard, kiss my, you can't say that, can you? Anyway, if you don't like what you heard, go ahead and tell us that too. We'll see what we can improve. We probably won't change nothing, but do it anyway thanks, rob.
Speaker 2:Go back next week and hopefully something will be different and something will sink in. Take care, recovery unfiltered. Thank you.