Recovery Unfiltered
Taking recovery discussion to a different level. Bringing comedy and the lighter side of sober living along with educating non-alcoholics and alcoholics. Hear real stories unfiltered.
Recovery Unfiltered
Behind The Sober Life, We Still Battle Our Demons
Depression doesn't magically vanish when the alcohol does. In our 40th episode, Larry bravely shares his recent struggle with depression despite approaching his three-year sobriety milestone. This raw conversation explores the reality that getting sober doesn't automatically fix all mental health issues, and sometimes professional help is needed alongside recovery work.
We dive deep into the telltale signs sponsors recognize before someone relapses—communication patterns changing, disengagement from meetings, and the façade that "everything's great" when behavior suggests otherwise. These insights aren't just valuable for sponsors but for anyone with loved ones in recovery. The emotional toll of watching someone return to drinking is palpable as we discuss two recent relapses in our community, balancing frustration with genuine concern and compassion.
The episode also celebrates recovery victories, including Larry's trip to Texas with family where he enjoyed concerts and activities while remaining sober. These moments highlight how recovery enables authentic connection and presence, even in environments where alcohol flows freely. We announce upcoming episodes featuring two fathers who lost sons in the same accident—a powerful testament to how people process grief differently while finding recovery from both substance abuse and devastating loss.
Whether you're in recovery yourself or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers valuable perspective on the ongoing work required to maintain not just sobriety, but emotional and mental wellbeing. Listen, share, and remember—seeking help isn't weakness, it's courage in action.
Thank You for Joining Us.. Please share with friends. If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcoholism please reach out to us. We can get you help. recoveryunfilteredpodcast@gmail.com
We'll be right back.
Speaker 1:Very little.
Speaker 2:You will hear the word God in a four-letter word in the same sentence. You will also be offended. So if you are easily offended, just pass us by. This podcast is not for you. What?
Speaker 1:the fuck was that? If you don't agree with what we're saying, that's okay. We're going to love you anyways.
Speaker 2:I don't know Any way I feel you with it.
Speaker 1:You can tell I'm getting bored with her.
Speaker 2:So sit back, grab a beverage of. Yeah, those are good. Hi Robert, how you doing? Kid Good buddy, how are you? I forgot to tell you Bonnie wasn't yesterday before she's a kid. Now that she's with Tammy, she's been listening to the podcast. Well, that's fucked up. So she goes. In the last podcast we had Nathan. She said that Larry has said that it's really hard for you. When Nathan said, you know, he's just really at peace, what is that? The serenity is overwhelming calmness.
Speaker 2:Overwhelming calmness, and I've used that multiple times this week and she said that you really that it's really a lot. It's harder for you, a lot harder for you now to get upset anymore.
Speaker 1:Me.
Speaker 2:You know, it takes a lot more to get you upset. You don't even you know. And she says challenge accepted damn it. You know it's funny as I was loud at first.
Speaker 1:How am I doing right now? Yeah, I turned you back down. Sorry, I don't know where things have gone here. I don't know if one of my grandkids got up here or what. Um, so yeah, I turned everything back down a little bit. Um, so, yeah, no, that, you know it's very hard for me to get upset anymore.
Speaker 2:I I don't except for oh, I'm way down now yeah, except for the doctor who uh you know what that was?
Speaker 1:a um. What was so bad about that is just because I'd worked so hard to be able to take that time off for my surgery that it was just like caught you off guard, dude. It caught me so far off guard. What does it say in our book? We got to always be prepared for the unexpected, and I was not prepared for that at all. Man, that one got me, that one got me. Yes, she did, she got you.
Speaker 1:Speaking of getting so, I had the very, very pleasure of taking my oldest daughter, miranda, to. We bought her. She's had a bucket list thing that she's always wanted to do. She wanted to see Rascal Flats. You know, they broke, they stopped touring a few years back and uh really, yeah, and they haven't toured in seven years. I think it was so for Miranda's, for her Christmas, we gave her tickets to go to Rascal Flats in Fort Worth, texas, at the Dickies arena, and it was seemed like a real extravagant present to me. But then when we started breaking it down, it really wasn't all that. I mean it was extravagant, of course, but it wasn't more than what I thought. So we planted over a period of time and it was me and Katie and Eric and Miranda, and the four of us haven't really done anything together just the four of us in a long time. So, my God, what a pleasure it was. You know, it's just I love those two.
Speaker 2:So much, we got the pictures. That's what's cool about the men's group Right All the pictures and stuff, yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean it was just a pleasure. Katie had you know, katie had me stop at the hat store. It was just. It was an actual, just a pleasure speaking of that, what happened?
Speaker 2:I have because, again, I'm I'm knowledgeable in a lot of things and I'm ignorant to more things than I've you know. I did not know that a hat would cost that much. I was talking to the boys like big Brian my Indian brother. He said I said, and I was showing him the hat, he goes, man, that's you know, because the steaming and the stuff and I go. And then I showed him the price goes. Yeah, that's a hand, that's you know. It's. Yeah, come on, rob, I didn't know no, that's I.
Speaker 1:You know what, when I say I'm blessed, that my wife surprised me with that because I was like there's, you know, because mckenna, my youngest, is getting married and they, they wanted me to buy a new hat. You know, my, the most expensive hat I've ever had was a 20 X. You know, that's how they rate the beavers. The beaver felt this one was a hundred X. Oh my gosh, this thing is, you know, they had them in there 200 X and but it's like never felt anything like that before and it's just pristine and it's, you know, it's locked up in my safe right now.
Speaker 2:You know, that thing's gorgeous you know, by felt I mean I mean uh, straw? No, no, I've never been because you know because all my buddies, you know, growing up right because I never wore yeah, but they've.
Speaker 1:You know, the seasons change, you go from felt to straw for some reason, I've never been able to wear a straw hat, even in the middle of summer. You'll hear, see, watch me wearing a felt hat. I don't know why, I just can't wear them. No, I just, I never, never, was one for those. But anyways, it was a fun trip. And so, saturday we the concert we flew in on thursday morning and the concert that we were going to was thursday night. Right, tired, blah, blah, we all naps and and uh, then we came home. Thursday friday we did the bucky-ee's tour. My wife is a fanatic for Buc-ee's.
Speaker 1:Buc-ee's. It's in Texas, texas, I don't know. There's some in Florida. They're southern, they're just a huge. They're not a travel, oh no, it's like a big Think about a gas station. Okay, on steroids, I'm talking like a love's truck.
Speaker 1:Stop, yeah, but without the diesel just gas and you walk in and it's an over. I mean it's a walmart of buckies. I'll send you a video of it. Yeah, I'll send you a video of it. Inside it they're and they make briskets and they have just all kinds of. They got big meat counter with all kinds of different beef jerkies and smoked sausages. That sounds good. Oh my gosh, buc-ee's are huge.
Speaker 1:And anyways, when I say we took a Buc-ee tour, because my wife is infatuated with those with Buc-ee's right, she follows us on instagram. You can't order none of their stuff online. You have to actually go into the buckies, just buy anything. Yeah, and they're only back there the further. The closest one week to us is northern tech or western texas. I mean, they're nothing, it's all all east of texas. Yeah, I'll be down, but yeah, there there's something else. You ever walk into one. The experience is different, very much different, anyway.
Speaker 1:So Friday we did that. We came home and my once again, I didn't. They were going to go to a, a concert at Billy Bob's in Fort Worth, right, and um, we had been walking around. We went down and watch the stampede and did all that. And you know, talking about the pleasures of being sober, right, I'm able to sit there enjoy that all day long while my wife and my daughter and my son-in-law they have their cocktails. They enjoy themselves because my wife can enjoy it, because she's not worried about her husband getting drunk and doing stupid shit.
Speaker 2:You know what I?
Speaker 1:mean, she literally just had a great day and I had a great. It was just a just a blessing, as it's supposed to be. Went home, went back to the hotel this is the part I decided to get to went to the hotel laid down for a little bit. They were going back to the concert at Billy Bob's, and Billy Bob's is just is the largest bar in around. It's like 26 000 square feet, eight or nine bars inside. They always have live concerts. I mean, some major people have started there and it's beautiful place. Well, they were going to go to a concert that started at 10 o'clock.
Speaker 1:I can't even remember the guy's name anyways. I didn't know who the guy was. I'm not not a country music fan anyways. So I told katie's like larry, you don't have to go, you can just stay down. I'm okay, I may just stay in the hotel. You guys go have a good time.
Speaker 1:And the more I laid there, the more I laid there, the more I was like, fuck that, if I lay here, they're going to go have a good time. I am going to miss that moment, right, I'm going to miss that moment. I said I'm going to order us an Uber, we're going to go together, we'll don't have to worry about parking. So I ordered Uber to pick us up at nine 15. We go downstairs, see the Uber shows up. I open up the. So it's my wife, eric and Miranda getting in the back seat. And I opened up the front door and I look across and in the middle of the guy's lap is a brown paper bag with about that much blue sticking out from the top of it. And I looked. I go, what's in the bag? Goose, you know, I was just joking.
Speaker 1:And Rob, he literally did not even hesitate Bud Light. And I'm like you are not driving my family around with a Bud Light. He goes it's okay, man, I'll put it right here. And he put it in the center console. I was like ain't gonna make it any better. But and then so he left and we got into my, our vehicle.
Speaker 1:I just thought you know I'm not gonna order another uber we pull out as we pulled out of the hotel and turn the corner, go, there's the paper bag in the bud light cans laying on the side of the road. You know it goes back to that is. You know, you don't want to judge if somebody's an alcoholic, right, you don't want to do that. But the insanity of driving an Uber car and thinking that it's okay to pick up complete strangers, complete strangers, with a Bud Light between your legs. I was just baffled by that. That's funny, baffled. Wow. Anyways, at least he was honest. Oh, straight up, he didn't even hesitate Bud Light. I'm like yeah, no, and Miranda was already in the back of this car and everything.
Speaker 2:And I'm like Eric's kind of What'd they say? What'd Eric say?
Speaker 1:Eric back of this car and everything. And I'm like eric, what they say, what eric say, eric, eric, as soon as I said it, as soon as he heard it, eric was looking at miranda, telling miranda to get out right, because miranda already sat down. I mean, if the guy was to get pissed off and took off, miranda was in the back of the car. But man eric was like, get out, get out. Finally got out. It was I mean it wasn't like a dramatic thing, but I mean it was funny for me. And then just the more I thought about it, the more I was like I can't believe that just fucking happened. I just just crazy, crazy, crazy. Why am I doing all the talking? Well, you're telling the story. What?
Speaker 2:the fuck story. I don't know the story, tell you, I know but fucking now brad's gonna say I wouldn't shut up.
Speaker 1:He's gonna say that no matter what you do so hey, so this is episode 20 for us, no 40, I'm sorry, episode 40 for us, yeah, so we got a few things going on. I mean, you and I started talking earlier about a few things when we were doing a little bit of show prep. One of the things that I've been fighting a little bit is, you know, I, ever since I got sober, I haven't had, um, uh, I have been fighting. I'll fight depression every once in a while, right, now.
Speaker 2:What do you mean? Break that down for me. What do you? What are you feeling when you talk?
Speaker 1:about just fucking like black cloud. You know that, that black cloud, that I talk just tired, not giving a fuck about anything. You know getting phone calls and not really just wanting to fucking deal with the phone calls and just not giving a fuck.
Speaker 2:Okay, apathy.
Speaker 1:I don't know what the fuck that is.
Speaker 2:Not giving a fuck. Oh yeah, I'm just not giving a fuck, I just don't.
Speaker 1:And just zero energy, just nothing, just fucking nothing. I just don't and just zero energy, just nothing, just fucking nothing. You know, and I had that a little bit before we left on our trip and I've been fighting it back and forth after my back surgery and going through the pain pills and doing all that shit and I stopped taking the pain pills completely and that pain is still pretty intense a little bit and having some problems with that and that poor me a little bit and having some problems with that and you know that poor me a little bit. But man, last time I was thinking we got home on Sunday and Monday Sunday, monday, tuesday, it was just brutal.
Speaker 2:Brutal. But now do you think that could have something to do with, I mean, going on that trip with the family? There was no reason Just to hide and just coming off that?
Speaker 1:No, it was absolutely. It was the same feeling that I had prior and I, you know, thank God for my wife. I love her so much Cause she I'm able to talk to her through these things now because, as I told her, when I would drink, when I was drinking and I felt those coming on, is when the you know, the 36, you know, the one or two pints of whiskey a day would turn into four or five pints of it. I would double up my alcohol when I would start filling that way because I would go in waves of it. So, Katie and I really talked about it and I haven't, you know, I went through some how often does it come up?
Speaker 1:That's the first time since I've been sober. Really, yeah, went through some. How often does it come up or how? That's the first time since I've been sober, really yeah, yeah, okay like that?
Speaker 2:that I mean, I've had it. Good, you're damn near three years, so when do you? When's your three years up? It's april 12th coming up.
Speaker 1:Yep, yep, that's pretty damn good rate.
Speaker 1:I mean once in three years I mean, I've had little ones little bouts right, I've, I've been through it a little bit and I'm able to shake them off a little bit by changing my latitude a little bit. You know, hey, no, I gotta do something different here. You know you guys have heard me talk about it that I, you know, I got to change something up. I'm not, something's not right. I got to change something up. Well, this time in, you know, about two or three weeks after about two weeks of it, I was still trying to change some stuff up and I just could not shake it, couldn't shake it and I still really haven't right. I'm still just working through it. You know there's still kind of ups and lows right now, but Katie and I talked about it.
Speaker 1:I actually go in to see. I'm going to go back to my doctor. You know I tried a lot of the other medicines. You know some some medicines prior to me. You know, giving up the alcohol and stopping my drinking and getting help. I haven't went back at all. I think that that I still fight it a little bit. You know, I think I still have a little bit of that, that chemical imbalance. So you know, I thought I've been fighting through and I thought I was gonna be okay, but I think I still fighting it a little bit, so I I do think I'm gonna go back to the doctor and get that get some professional help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just to see.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because see yeah because I didn't like it. Outside help is always recommended. I didn't like that. I don't like it right.
Speaker 2:I don't.
Speaker 1:You know, the positive thing about it is never at one time did I ever think, fuck it, I'm just going to go drink, right. Never, I mean. And Katie and I talked for that obsession to be so far gone, right, that I just don't. I just never got, never even thought that that was an answer to any of it. Everything I was doing was you know, what can I do? How can I change this? What do I need to change?
Speaker 2:Well, the big book talks about some of us need outside help. Go get it Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's one of the things. Like I said, it's the. And what I don't like is my performance shows, right, my performance in work, my performance as a husband, my performance as a dad In the bedroom? No, in the bedroom, maybe, I don't know, I'm fine, for me, I'm good'm good, you know.
Speaker 2:but well, go get some baby no, yeah, I just you know.
Speaker 1:I think the reason why I wanted to bring it up is, you know, even if you are sober, this, this sobriety, this aa and this how we work through this. We are not affiliated with aa. Yes, thank, thank you, rob. This way of living, it's a way of living, right, it's a way of living, but I still have things that I need to work on that being sober is not going to fix right. There's still things that I need to deal with mentally that AA is probably not going to fix.
Speaker 2:That's where it was outside. That's what we seek Right you?
Speaker 1:know, seek it, and it's taken three years to get to me to that point and I'm very much okay with it, but look at the difference God's made in three years. You know it's crazy, right? Just the blessings that's come over, blessings that I've had.
Speaker 2:And a lot of you know.
Speaker 1:Clear away the records, get rid of the alcohol Right right, and let's say okay, now, Right now let's work on let's get down to business and work on some stuff, but you know the other thing I was going to say, you know. So one more thing going to start talking about um, there's something important we want to go over. But one of the things I love about you, rob, that you've you've allowed for me, is, because of my crazy ass schedule, I can just call you up and go, hey, I need to record in a couple hours. And you immediately, all right, see you in a couple hours.
Speaker 1:And I, you know, I appreciate that, because when we started this, we said we're going to try, and you know we're going to drop. We're going to try and you know we're going to drop every week. Right, that was my number one goal. We're going to drop something every week. And we have done that. And we have, right, today this will be recording 40, and it'll be 40 weeks in a row that we have dropped. You know, some of them are great, some of them, you know, just you and I bull, I bullshit like we're doing here, but you've always done that and even with all my crazy ass shot, crazy ass traveling here and there, you know you've made that possible and I appreciate that. No, you're welcome, hey, so I don't want to blow your head up too much, but I appreciate it it's still same size, trust me.
Speaker 2:So I'm right, I'm fucking right size. Sorry about that. I'm right sized, you are, you get kept there quite often.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I want to talk about something that and we're I am very excited about this and I hope to and pray that it continues and this really does come into play. So back on episode three, we had our first guest was jason allen, right, very close dear friend of ours.
Speaker 2:Um, for you and me three and four episode three it was three and four. Yeah, his, his episode got split up because his story was um, we were when we were just learning, I mean, we were fresh, we're still green, we're still learning we are learning right, we were.
Speaker 1:Everything was so green. I mean, we started it in my office with uh, you know, we had mike crazy, mike stands, and you know, but the one thing that was with the consistent when, when you asked about this and right decided to do this and all the prayer.
Speaker 2:we knew who the first guest we want oh, jason, was from the very beginning. There was no question.
Speaker 1:No question that Jason was going to be that first guest, and here we are, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so here we are, then, at episode 20. So what I'm saying is, if please go back and listen to episodes three and four and you're going to know why here in just a minute, cause I'm going to, I'm going to kind of preference why so three and four is important, and then episode 20, all during that my wife kept telling me, katie kept saying Larry, jason's story is not finished, jason's story is not finished. And I was like what do you mean? She goes. There's still so much more that you need to come, you need to, you need to get Jason in here so we can get the afterwards right. What it's like.
Speaker 2:And the second family and Jenny was in here.
Speaker 1:Jenny's got her podcast going now after she's been on here. She's doing very good with hers. So we got in here and she and we got Jason on number 20, right. So about six months ago we had a gentleman come into the program that reached out to you, was a good friend of yours prior to it.
Speaker 2:He was not who, mikey.
Speaker 1:No, no, you didn't really know him before.
Speaker 2:I only met him one or two times, when the accident happened Right and when we'd get together, we'd have parties with Tyler. I only met him one or two times when the accident happened. Right, okay, and when we'd get together we'd have parties with Tyler. That's when I only met him a couple times. We didn't know each other, we just met. This is Mike, really yeah. Well you know what, when he came in, I just started giving him a ration of shit. It's okay.
Speaker 2:And Mike had the steps coming because I know, he's not doing them, so I was just busting his Gotcha yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, we shook hands and went back and forth, back and forth for a little while and about two months, about two and a half months into it, I knew he was fairly new to sobriety and fairly new, and probably about two or three months into it, you, I think you told me or somebody told me, and goes that's Mikey's dad, who was in the accident with Jason Allen. I'm like with Tyler and I'm like what really? And I'm like, wow, so I've been, we've every time I've gotten to know Mike a little bit more and a little bit more and a little bit more as he's coming through the program and a little bit more and a little bit more and a little bit more as he's coming through the program. And you know, and watching him come alive has been amazing. Has he started working the steps with you? No, is he going to?
Speaker 2:No, I don't know. He's got to. Okay, I'm doing air quotes, he's got to, and I like the guy who's his sponsor, who's not in the rooms right now. I don't know if I should even say any of this bullshit.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, he's not.
Speaker 2:He's not actually working steps.
Speaker 1:He's talking about it. I think he's getting there. I think because I have literally watched Mike he better boy.
Speaker 2:He's going because I bust his balls. So much about it. I know you do.
Speaker 1:He's going to do it. He calls how much he hates right now, I think mike well, I think, what's I mean?
Speaker 2:because let's just, we're gonna have both these men on the podcast the next two. You know this, this 40 is gonna be this one. Yep, then 41 to 42 are gonna be mike and jay. We've done rude and design anybody mike and jason right, it's not.
Speaker 1:I mean, we didn't, yeah, it's, you know it.
Speaker 2:In that, this is what that's gonna be, fucking pow and I'm using that powerful well, and I, I think, the reason why.
Speaker 1:I wanted to preference me too. I'm even thinking about it. I mean, you know, and I'm just going to keep praying. I mean they both agreed right.
Speaker 2:Oh, they're coming. Well it's only today.
Speaker 2:I already got Jason on the mat. I balled him up a little bit. I'll be there, rob, they'll be there, rob, they'll be there, they'll be there. And I've been. And I saw him on thursday and yes, which is yesterday, yeah, at my meeting and he goes. Oh man, I was joking with mike, who's in the back, who came in late, and I gave him one of these come in late to my fucking meeting and I said well, that's all right, we're gonna see you. Oh, did I agree to that? You know he was joking around.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah but, what makes it more comfortable is he knows jason's going to be here, so that that's really what he actually got excited, larry, to be right.
Speaker 1:Well, and you know, and the reason why this came up for me is because mike started coming into our did I, did we really say that mike, mike's son and tyler were in that accident together? We said that you just did. Okay. Yeah, I wanted to make sure. I thought I jumped over Maybe. I thought I maybe did. It's just Mike's voice.
Speaker 2:Mike Mikey, right right. He died on impact, he died on the scene.
Speaker 1:Right Tyler lived for three to four years. So, we're going to have Mike here, whose son died on impact, and then Jason, whose son lived for a few years. Jason, got sober a few years after tyler, after tyler, mike's mike working on it, working on it right now and you know, and what, like I said, going back to watching him grow in his sobriety has been you know, and I've said you know on the mic before is watching people go from zero to six months to a year, watching that flower come to bloom.
Speaker 2:If it does, if they're doing the deal, it does. And you're right, rob, you're right.
Speaker 1:But watching it and you can tell, right, oh fuck you, you can tell the ones that aren't growing because they're just sitting there and they're still just that dark cloud over them, right, but the ones that you watch, they're putting in the work. You're seeing them at one meeting, then two meetings, then three meetings. Then you're seeing them being involved and they're talking and they're getting there and they're sharing stuff that they haven't shared before. Mike started sharing and he started coming to our Mondays meeting and as soon as I saw him there, I'm like fuck, yeah, right, I get excited. And then to hear him start sharing and bringing out some of the stuff that he's done, and he's been instrumental because Jason's been busy, so he hasn't.
Speaker 2:I mean I talked to him to help with Matt. I'm talking about Matt. We've heard Matt and Mary's story when they lost Adam, but Mike has been on a couple occasions been really instrumental in helping me with Matt and helping Matt point blank, because they've got that.
Speaker 1:Right, right. They have that in common Same way, as they have the alcoholism Right. So, it's just what a gift it is, and you know what Painful gift it is, and you know what Painful gift it is and I'm so blessed that God has given us the opportunity to have this quorum, that we're having this venue, to allow Jason and to allow Mike come on here and to share this story to more people than just the Monday night groups, the Thursday night groups, and this is why I wanted to share prior.
Speaker 2:Let me tell you something Almost I don't know how many people, but there's a lot of folks at the Oakdale Fellowship and beyond who are listening to this now. Yep, the Destro Fellowship said, listen, oh, you guys got the podcast. Yeah, I want to be on it. No, I know.
Speaker 1:We got a good little list of Hold on a second. Have you seen that yet? Yeah, send me a picture, dude. That is some painful stuff Inside the arm, I bet. Oh, I got serenity put on the inside of my bicep, holy cow.
Speaker 2:Looks good though.
Speaker 1:Hey, you know what's funny and ironic about that? Nothing about that was serene, I bet. Yeah, it is. I actually even looked at the tattoo guy and go do you actually realize you're tattooing serenity?
Speaker 2:Now, how long does some work like that take?
Speaker 1:That right, there was about an hour and a half not long my lab was. Can you see that? Yeah, my lab on the backside. That was about two and a half hours. I'm done.
Speaker 2:What would that serenity cost?
Speaker 1:I don't want to talk about that on the air why?
Speaker 2:what's the difference?
Speaker 1:let's just tell me why are you doing that on the air? What does it matter? I don't want that shit out on the air, damn it. I'm cutting all this, hey, um, yeah, it's not cheap, okay, no tattoo is cheap.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know, I mean I'm sure some of them.
Speaker 1:Let me just tell on this arm, right here, you could have bought a small car. Okay, yeah, yeah, so. But you know, and I tell people all the time, everything on this arm is tells my story. It starts from my sobriety date to my, to my, to the. The unity triangle on here is it tells my story to my serenity, all the way. Anyways, I don't know how I got fucking down that rabbit hole. Yeah, it happens. I think because I'm over here and the fucking arm is bloodshot September.
Speaker 2:What happened? Hold on, can you start talking? I'm about to sneeze.
Speaker 1:Don't do that. I'm going to go back to what we were talking about before. I rudely interrupted us. My point was in telling, in bringing up the thought of these two coming onto the podcast. Two things One, it's a way to push it because we've kind of stalled out right now at about 18 to 2200 listeners depending on the episode. So I'm trying to get back out there because I want to get more people. We need to get some video then we need to start video, whatever we need to do to start pushing this.
Speaker 2:Speaking of that, september Emily is going to be on. Oh, did you get her? Okay, all right, she goes. I'll do it after my one year. So when's your one year? September, you got it All right. She goes, I'll do it after my one year, so when's your?
Speaker 1:one year, september. You got it All right. We'll put that on. I got another girl that I worked with years ago. She's been sober probably almost 20 years and she reached out to me. She goes to Turlock Fellowship. She wants to be on here, good friend, yeah, we got some good stuff coming on, but the other reason to bring it up, like I said, is please don't listen to that episode. It's going to be very, very emotional. Please don't listen to it. No, please don't listen to it at work or driving. I'm just going to say it could be very emotional, but please tell somebody about it, please. If they're going to listen to it and never listen to the Jason A, listen to three and four.
Speaker 2:For sure they're going to listen to it and never listen to the Jason A Listen to three and four.
Speaker 1:You've got to listen to three and four, you've got to understand the wreckage that Jason went through. But then again listen to number 20, which is the opposite of Jason's wreckage this wonderful life that he lives now. So listen to episode 20. And number 41 is going to be jason a and mike s um talking about that'll probably be like mike's story well, it's going to be two episodes.
Speaker 1:Right, mike's version. Right, we're going to do two episodes. We're going to do mike s's story. Right, we're going to tell his story and then we're going to come back with Jason Right. Cause they were good friends before right.
Speaker 1:They're all part of that wrestling community, and then the second episode is going to be the four of us talking about, you know, whatever, whatever, bringing bringing all this to life, talking about this and, you know, talking about his story, with Jason and Jason included, and Jason's a very bright I mean, he's a bright guest. I love it when he's on here, you know, and it's going to, I'm very excited for it. So, anyways, I, I, we had to get it. We didn't have to. You know, I wanted to get an episode out. I didn't want to miss an episode, I didn't want to miss a week. I know this seems like a very short one, but I feel like I've been talking the entire time.
Speaker 2:You have been again, which is perfect fucker I could have done this without you today.
Speaker 1:Then I got a new sponsee. Who oh, that's what other thing I want to talk about. Who's your new sponsee? Have you never sponsored him before? Yes, I have. Okay, I'm bringing that up. I don't care, byron, I fucking love you and I love you to death and I will fucking, I would cut off and right arm for that man. Yeah, and he's gonna be on this podcast someday because he's got a fucking story that'll make your dick. Oops, sorry, I'll back up. He's got a story that'll absolutely curl your toes. Yeah, right to hear what he's been through and to still fucking drink yeah, is a cunning, baffling, powerful, wow and patient, yes, so I, I just absolutely I love that man.
Speaker 1:I spoke to him this morning, so we just I just hope he's in enough pain. Have you punched him, like you said you're going to? No, I haven't, because you know what. There you go rob I know I didn't.
Speaker 2:I didn my word. There's got to be consequences to your actions. If I told him, if he did it again, I was going to bust his nose.
Speaker 1:You should have told him. The only way I'm going to sponsor you again is, if you, let me punch you right in the mouth.
Speaker 2:Then you won't be able to speak for days. So that ain't going to.
Speaker 1:I want you to edit this episode so you can hear that about that Motherfucker.
Speaker 2:Sorry, no, we've got. And to my, because I did not keep my word on my fourth rule. You let him waste your fucking time. Yeah, I did, I allowed it. And now you're going to hear people say, oh, helping people is never a waste of time. Go fuck yourself, don't tell.
Speaker 1:I would agree with you, rob, it can be a waste of time.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is. I did allow him to waste my time. We're going to come on new ground, but I too, he's my brother, I love him and I don't. Okay. Just because I tell someone, hey, you know what, it's time to go find another sponsor, it doesn't mean I've given up on you, it means we're not right. Whatever's going on, go find something else. You know, because there's someone that wants the way I'm going to deliver, whatever Right. So you know, but I don't. It's not like I'm giving up on them. If I fire somebody, they'll go find another sponsor.
Speaker 1:You know what, Rob? We can sit here and talk all the big, you know big bullshit we want. At the end of the day, we love, right, we love, we love, we love, we love, we help we help, we help.
Speaker 1:No matter the way I deal with my pain with certain people is, I have to say I don't fucking care. Inside it's breaking our hearts, right, yeah, inside it's tearing me down, like Chris. I spoke to his sister the other day and said how's he doing? I don't know. I haven't seen him and you know okay. So in my heart I'm like fuck it. Fuck it right, but not really, but not really Right Because it hurts.
Speaker 2:I put a lot of fucking time and because we know, with someone like Chris, the next thing we're actually going to hear about him from someone.
Speaker 1:A read in the obituary, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm talking about. He's going to be dead. We know that Right.
Speaker 1:And basically said he's right back to where he was at. Yeah, of course, but that's what, right back, right back, the big book says that. So anyways, um, yeah, uh, so anyways. We had another brother that fell off and you know I'm I pray for them, I check on them every day and you know it's hard what bugs you about it is the fact that I call you know I can call it within the day and I think we're.
Speaker 1:That was something I wanted to bring up and I've already talked to those guys. You know, listen, rob, and I want to make sure everybody knows Rob is not a medium. He can't see the future or anything else like that, but he can see the tells. Right, he sees it. You fucking called on the one, right? You fucking called it. You said it ain't very far out, and sure enough, it fucking wasn't very far out. You know the other one, you said it the other day and I was like no way he's not back to drinking and you said, yeah, sure enough he was. And you know, and it's just those telltale signs and I wanted to ask you, without bringing up names, you know, without tell, tell me some of those signs that you see everybody's.
Speaker 2:It's like a poker game. Okay, you see, it's like a poker game. Okay, that's what a tell is. When someone's got a good hand or a bad hand, or when you've seen them, you've been around them so long and some are the same, right. But when the communication starts to slow down, that behavior starts to change. And then when you do talk to them, man, everything is beautiful, going great, yeah, hold on. Now, you know. And then, or they show up to the meetings, when, when, when the pain is on them, we know, when they, when they fucked up again, right, they're engaged, you know, they're, they're, they're, they're focused, they're engaged in what's going on. And then, as the heat starts to drop, you know they're not really doing, they're doing just enough, right. Then this shit starts looking at the phone.
Speaker 2:You know they're you know they're at a fewer meetings and they're not engaged, right? You know everything's a fucking joke, right? You know that kind of stuff starts happening and then it's slow and even, even, but even. And I and I had told the one some of his tells and he knows who he is. I'm calling you, I'm calling you just so you know I'm doing all right. I know, yeah, just because I don't say it. Right and I tell you guys, because I know it's a gift.
Speaker 1:Well, because I ask, I mean, and I think the reason why I bring that up is some of know, some of our listeners, if the wives are listening to that of an alcoholic, you know what's our sign, what's something that we can see, and I, I mean, I would imagine you know, and I have one of the wives which some people again the same thing that when, when I talked to you, like you, or reaches out to me because, well, it doesn't bother me as much anymore because anyways, go ahead.
Speaker 2:But those communications, just like when I'm doing step work, what I tell you right, what I rule my rules, what I say to you, what you say to me stays between you, me and god, right, it ain't your wife's fucking business right it ain't my wife's fucking business.
Speaker 2:So when I'm talking to a wife, I tell her the same thing. But you and I talk about because you're the one, she's the one that reached out to me, right, to help her. Would you please help my husband? Sure, right, she was the one that initiated everything, right? But when we talk, if you ever use my words against him, we're done and I'm done with him. I'm done with you too, right? But so much has never happened. But still, you know, they know, yeah, they know, if you started fooling, katie would know.
Speaker 1:Oh for sure, because I know she would, yeah, yeah I if I started pulling away. And I think that's what, katie, that you know, when I start going through these little depression and I hate to even call it that, but it is what it is Right, I got to give it a name, but I got to give it a name Right, and I'm once again, I'm going to take care of it.
Speaker 1:You know she can, but here's the difference for me, and hopefully this will help some other men. As I felt it, I talked to her about it.
Speaker 2:You've got to voice it. You've got to vocalize it, you have to.
Speaker 1:Because I don't want her going through those feelings of the same feelings that she was getting when I was drinking, right. I don't want her having those feelings. So, as I'm feeling this, when I on tuesday I think it was where it was just hitting me the hardest I called her. I said hey, babe, I just got to tell you this is what's going on yeah, and she goes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's go, let's, you know, let's. I think this is what you should do, but you know. But anyways, that's the reason why I wanted to bring it up a little bit, and what would you want me I open up some a little bit about me on that, because, it's, you know, I I've talked about it and I said my serenity and it I'm missing a little bit of my serenity right now and it's, it's, I'm not getting it and I'm doing the things that I've known to do and I've switched which is good, because sometimes the growth right, you're in it because you're coming up on three and that also hits you when you're coming up For some reason it still hits me every year, for some reason.
Speaker 2:So this is a period of growth, a season of growth.
Speaker 1:Good. So I mean just a little bit. And getting that serenity, getting that overwhelming calmness, has not been easy for me and so I just want to get that. I want to let wives know if you're seeing that in your husbands or husbands to their wives. If you're seeing that uneasement, it's different. Try to open up a conversation.
Speaker 2:Don't wait, don't wait for it to go off the rails. Say something. No, absolutely Reach out. It probably won't change a fucking thing.
Speaker 1:No, sorry about that, buddy. No, and you're right, just like our two buddies that we're just talking about. I don't know if it would have changed anything with them I've tried, I've. Those two had reservations and they and they're not going to change it and here's what I want to say about sponsorship.
Speaker 2:And you know, because, when you, when you would, when you're, when uh b reached out to you and said one day, they, you know that you know know you said you wanted to get an answer out of him.
Speaker 2:And he says well, I'm working with Rob as if that's some kind of magic, fucking elixir. You know it's not. I mean, even though God has had great success, god has had great success through me, right, you know, with other people, oh for sure, amazing. We don't get him drunk, nope, and we don't get them drunk and we don't get them sober. It's them, it's them and God. We're just facilitators, it's a conduit. So, and that's when you want to be there. You want to know I'm right sized. Those two cocksuckers will keep you right sized. You know what you think, jesus, you got your head so far up your ass. You're counting cavities like come on, guys.
Speaker 1:Oh you know, when the first one came in Monday night and he sat down and that brokenness on his face, I wanted to just cry.
Speaker 2:Just cry, but you're so mad too.
Speaker 1:I never did get mad.
Speaker 2:I did.
Speaker 1:I'm sure you did, because of the amount of time that you've put into that to that person. Right, I didn't. I wanted to get inside and pull all that pain out of him and hold on to that.
Speaker 2:I'm mad because you're pissed because of the amount of work, I would think no, no, no, no, that's, I mean because that's not, and I joke, it's a waste of my fucking time, eh not, I love him Right. And the danger, the position you put yourself in oh my God, oh my God With the shit that's out there one touch you're dead. And then now who's going to? You're fucking dead, right, I stand in front of your fucking kids Right and explain Right. Kids right and explain right, not you, yeah rob.
Speaker 1:That's why I'm pissed, yeah, yeah, and you've talked about that of having to deal with that before, and it's just you know, it's because he's family, yes, he is. You know that's family, everybody in that room on monday night's family to me.
Speaker 2:But that motherfucker's family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're right, yeah, you're right, they're a little closer than most, right, you're, you're, you're over there quite a bit. But yeah, I don't know, man, I like I said it, and it seems like those two go out at the same time. You ever notice that they've gone out together before too, have they? Really yeah, not too long ago oh my god, I love you too, if you're listening, more than life. I love you more than life, hey.
Speaker 2:But you know what? It's just constant reminder. Well, fuck it, it's just. It sure isn't good out there. I'll stay sober. You know that is a good thing, right, my?
Speaker 1:brother Brad, says the same thing. It still don't work. The great thing about those guys going out is it gives us something to watch, by God.
Speaker 2:They're trying. They're giving it A for effort, boys, but I appreciate the fact that you Thanks for taking on for the team those, but I appreciate the fact that you Thanks for taking one for the team. Come and get those scouts. We'll stay right here. We got local scouts who come up with arrows stuck in their ass. Engines are still out there, boys.
Speaker 1:That fucking alcohol still grabs you. God damn it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I just and we can laugh at that, yeah we can. Until one of them doesn't make it back in the rooms, because not only did you know what, though?
Speaker 1:Both of those guys would laugh about that themselves, right we're going to have both of them on here one day. We're going to have them on together. We've been fucking trying. One of them, yeah, no, we would love to have them on, both of them on at the same fucking time next week. Why are they still going through this? Let's work it out together right here on the fucking air.
Speaker 1:Well, we got. We got mike. I know mike, but you know that's not a fucking bad idea. I almost told you to grab them and bring them. So what? I?
Speaker 2:almost told you to grab them and bring them here. That's not a bad idea. No, I don't think so. You're talking green fresh. Grab both of them.
Speaker 1:Put them right here on these mics, and we'll work it out right here. That shit is still green. You know what, though, and what they need to understand is it's not just helping them, helping us. The amount of people we can reach to help other people with their stories and what they struggle with, the telltale signs of shit is just going good and then fuck it right, fuck it. You know what I mean. The fuck that I just. I think I get so fucking mad at it because you know, once again, I'm gonna turn around and look at me just how much I travel, the, the amount of shit that I go with, the amount of bars I mean, all the shit that I do. How easy it would be to say fuck it right. How easy. You wouldn't know, katie, wouldn't know nobody, would fucking know nobody. But why I have to live with myself. You would, god, god, would I have to live with myself? I don't know how you could do that I don't what, I, what I'm always wondering.
Speaker 2:I don't think he's, I don't think either one has had a spiritual awakening result.
Speaker 1:These steps, a real one you know you said that earlier today.
Speaker 2:I don't think happened, because I've seen it and I've worked with both of them, right, right, everyone from Jump Street, right, and he's had periods, but he's always had reservations, right, you know, there's always been. You know, because the minute and this is another thing that pisses me off the minute he just looks God's way, blessings start coming, yes, and I think that's a bad thing, but who am I to question God?
Speaker 1:I just see it, I agree.
Speaker 2:And then, what if I don't want what God wants for me? And I've heard that mentioned many times Like why wouldn't you, but still it's a lot.
Speaker 1:It's crazy.
Speaker 2:When you're in your ministry, whatever you got to do.
Speaker 1:He does well at it.
Speaker 2:But when God's got you in your and you're doing like what I'm doing, right, it takes a lot of time, it's a lot of work.
Speaker 1:It'll soak. It'll soak, you want to talk about soaking mental Mentally.
Speaker 2:soak it right out of you, yeah, and I, you know that's Right, yeah, and I've been, I was doing it yesterday down a couple guys just to work through some things which I love to do, right, but there's a cost, yep, and they don't want to pay the cost.
Speaker 1:Right, Right, Yep, you know that's. The other thing is I was going to ask you. You've got to be getting close to your girl coming home Wednesday.
Speaker 2:Wednesday at 1.30. She's flying to Sacramento Wednesday. She no one's more ready than she is. Hey, no one's more ready than she is.
Speaker 1:No, I mean she is. It's not because of Tammy. She loves Tammy.
Speaker 2:Oh, they love each other.
Speaker 1:But it's a lot. She's away from her home. She's ready to come home, yeah.
Speaker 2:You know it's in a little apartment and you know whenever Tammy because Tammy can't move a lot, she can't so in the middle of the night, so Bonnie's not getting any what was that You're going to shut that fucking phone off at 1.30 and not turn it back on until you go to work the next morning. I'm not going to work next morning.
Speaker 1:Then fucking leave it off.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm picking her up at the airport. I've already got a hotel right by the Texas Roadhouse in Elk Grove. Atta boy, the Fairfield Marriott.
Speaker 1:We're right there. You couldn't even wait to get home to get a steak.
Speaker 2:We've got a hotel. Then in the morning we'll get up and drive slow.
Speaker 1:I'm so fucking happy for you. Robin. Shut that goddamn phone off.
Speaker 2:Oh it's going off.
Speaker 1:Atta boy, leave that fucker in the car, enjoy her. Enjoy her, you both deserve it. Yeah, no, you know what she's getting you drank?
Speaker 2:fucking God damn. Mark that down. Fucking brick. All she wants is to lay her head on my chest for a while and a back rub, because she hasn't been getting her back rub. She hasn't been getting her foot rubs. I'm a massage. I got magic hands, so that's what she loves.
Speaker 1:She hasn't got any massages any rubbed hands. Well, I'm happy for you. You know what I was thinking about, that, coming home, that she had to be getting clothes, and that's another thing on top of you know, because God doesn't slow down Right.
Speaker 2:No With what he asks of me to do no, no, helping no and then I had on top of you know? No, You've had a rough six weeks, bro. No, it's been full, it's been really good, I guess you're right.
Speaker 1:It hasn't been rough. It's yeah, and you're going to get some rest on Wednesday night and all you knuckleheads from Monday night Don't be calling our board.
Speaker 2:Call if you want. It's not going to be off Right and I'm gone.
Speaker 1:I'm gone for the next three weeks from Monday night. Oh no shit. Yeah, yeah, all right, brother, let's get out of here.
Speaker 2:He's waiting for me next Sunday.
Speaker 1:Oh wait, left, come back, come back. You can catch us at oh recovery unfiltered podcast at gmailcom. I had a. I had two, four comments from the last one that said and honestly love nathan. I mean we did great, just had. The response that I got on nathan's was pretty decent. I needed to send those to him yeah, he had three good responses yeah, he had three really good responses, so I need to get that over to him.
Speaker 2:So anyways, recoveryunfilteredpodcast at gmailcom.
Speaker 1:I love them. Yeah, love them All right. Thanks, rob Later. Thank you for joining us today. We hope you learned something today that will help you If you did not come back a five-star review.
Speaker 2:If you don't like what you heard, kiss my ass. I can't say that, can you? Anyway, if you don't like what you heard, go ahead and tell us that too. We'll see what we can improve. We probably won't change nothing, but do it anyway, hey thanks, Rob.
Speaker 1:Come back next week and hopefully something will be different and something will sink in. Take care, this has been Recovery Unfiltered. Thank you.