Recovery Unfiltered
Taking recovery discussion to a different level. Bringing comedy and the lighter side of sober living along with educating non-alcoholics and alcoholics. Hear real stories unfiltered.
Recovery Unfiltered
Motherhood, Addiction, and the Courage to Choose Differently
At just fourteen years old, Christy found herself pushing suitcases out of her window, running away with a boyfriend to Texas, and soon after, discovering she was pregnant. This moment would be the first of many life-altering decisions that shaped her journey through addiction, motherhood, and eventually, recovery.
Christy's raw account of growing up too fast pulls no punches as she details her early introduction to methamphetamine, the painful choice to place her daughter in an open adoption, and her years-long battle with alcoholism that followed. What makes her story particularly powerful is her unflinching examination of family patterns and her determination to break the cycle of addiction for her children—even when that meant making heart-wrenching choices that others, including her own mother, couldn't understand.
The turning point in Christy's recovery came unexpectedly when her ex-partner Blake faced a life-threatening medical emergency. Despite their complicated history, she stayed by his side through weeks of uncertainty, balancing her grandmother's funeral arrangements with hospital visits, all while maintaining her own sobriety. Through this crisis, both found their way to recovery together, demonstrating how connection can emerge from chaos.
Today, with nearly two years of sobriety, Christy speaks eloquently about the miracle of changed perspective—how situations that once triggered anger or resentment now evoke compassion and understanding. Her journey illustrates that recovery isn't just about abstaining from substances; it's about transforming how we relate to ourselves and others, making amends, and sometimes making difficult choices out of love rather than convenience.
Whether you're personally struggling with addiction, supporting a loved one in recovery, or simply seeking to understand the complex interplay between family dynamics and substance use, Christy's story offers invaluable insights on healing, forgiveness, and the courage to choose differently than those before us. Her testimony reminds us that breaking generational patterns often requires brave, unpopular decisions—but the freedom found on the other side is worth every difficult step.
Thank You for Joining Us.. Please share with friends. If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcoholism please reach out to us. We can get you help. recoveryunfilteredpodcast@gmail.com
you sit on the toilet, don't you no?
Rob:use that as your meditation, my wife not your wife, nor anybody listening to this podcast has eaten a shit sandwich we didn't have a hand in making welcome to recovery.
Larry :I'm filder, I'm larry, I'm an alcoholic.
Rob:I am rob. I am also an alcoholic. We are not professionals. There are no letters after our names. We know very little. However, you will hear the word god and a four-letter word in the same sentence. You will also be offended, so. So if you are easily offended, just pass us by. This podcast is not for you.
Larry :Our opinions are just that. If you don't agree with what we're saying, that's okay. We're going to love you anyways. We are not in any way affiliated with AA.
Rob:So sit back, grab a beverage of your choice and get ready.
Larry :Let's go, Hello Robert.
Rob:Blue Raz. What's up, buddy? Welcome back, welcome back. You got a birthday hangover? Yes, I do. That was a fun one that was. I appreciated that. That was really good. Yeah, yeah, I held it all together. That was good. You did hold it together, did you? Did you try to get emotional? Nope, I don't try. I never try to get emotional, it just fucking happens it sucks.
Larry :So we got a, we got a story coming in. Today this one kind of comes to us. I recorded with her, with Jason's wife Jenny, when she started her podcast.
Rob:Jenny from the block.
Larry :Well, her podcast is Sober Shit Show. So, christy, she recorded with her on that first one when she came in here and you got to hear it.
Rob:You said we got to get her on.
Larry :Yeah, I got to listen to her story a little bit, not as deep as we're going to go today. We're going to go a little bit deeper. We record a little bit differently than Jenny does, right, so we're going to go a little bit deeper, and so, anyways, christy, welcome in Hi thank you for having me.
Larry :Absolutely so. Let me give a little bit of backstory on this one. So Blake, the guy that I've been talking about, that I got, I got the opportunity to walk him through his steps. This is his girl. And then Nathan is good friends. Then you got to help with Christie with her steps. Yes, so this is it's all kind of when we talk about it all being the family all the time.
Larry :God's got his little oh my gosh fingers and everything. We're all entwined. We're in breeders, I think I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. Christy, welcome on.
Christy :Thank you.
Larry :Tell us about yourself, okay.
Christy :So first off, I'm an alcoholic. No, no shit, right Did you?
Larry :know that before you got into AA Am I on? Yeah, you're on, Okay good.
Christy :Yeah, we can hear you, okay, good.
Larry :Unfortunately, we can hear you.
Christy :You know I didn't really. When I first came in, I definitely knew I needed to be somewhere other than the bar when you got into AA.
Larry :Yeah, so you didn't know you were an alcoholic. What I always find funny is people say I didn't know I was an alcoholic until I got into AA.
Christy :Yeah, you start to realize things in different perspective. You're like oh dang.
Rob:You see, some guy that you no wonder I haven't seen you for the last two years at the bar. This is where you've been hiding.
Christy :Right, yeah, I walked in and seen me and I was like, oh, there you are.
Larry :Where'd you go? I went to aa same place you are. Yeah, that's one of the things when we first started the oakdale meeting with. When rob invited me over there to uh to the oakdale meeting, I'm like, well, I grew up in oakdale. Am I gonna know anybody there? And he goes. Why does it fucking matter?
Rob:they're in the same place, you're gonna be true that, and of course there's two guys there that you do.
Larry :Oh yeah, you know that's a brad's house right, oh yeah, so so catch us up, christy, where you at um now, remember, he's heard, he knows a lot about you, so he's not gonna let anything out right, yeah, no, he's not gonna let anything slide no um, so well, um, are we just gonna start from the beginning? Yeah, tell us how you want to do it, however you want to. Where'd you grow up at?
Christy :um, I grew up in oakdale. I definitely grew up in oakdale um seeing all sides of the track. Um, so that was a a little. It was different growing up really. Um in oakdale I quickly got into into drugs like easy early age. I um coke bill um Coke bill. Yeah, yeah, no, I went. I went straight to meth Hell yeah. I went straight to meth.
Rob:Powdered accelerant.
Christy :Yeah, I skipped everything and just went straight there and before you even started drinking. Yeah.
Larry :Wow.
Rob:How old were you?
Christy :Um, I was 15. I was five days after my birthday.
Larry :Okay, how the hell did that come about?
Christy :I was just. I was hanging out at a friend's house and we just started. Someone came through the window and-.
Rob:Always a bad sign.
Christy :Yeah, and I'm like, oh my gosh, why is he hiding from the parents?
Blake :Oh boy.
Christy :Well, he comes in and they start doing this. And I'm like, ooh, my gosh, why is he hiding from the parents? Well, he comes in and they start doing this. I'm like, oh, what is that? Like well, I've never been laced up on it. Like, hey, this is what it is, Don't do this. So when I seen it, I was like, hey, I want to try. And they're like, no, no, no. I'm like, come on, just turning it for me and everything else. And that was it for me. Yeah, and I had just had my oldest at the time, Okay, so yeah.
Larry :So at 15, you'd already had a child. Yeah Well, let's back up. Let yeah. So at 15, you'd already had a child. Yeah Well, let's back up. Let's back up.
Christy :Yeah, we can start from the beginning for sure, let's start. So I was in junior high and I had met a guy and he was running from the law and I didn't know why. I didn't ask questions. I was just like, okay, well, I want to be with him. So let's just figure this out. Well, he ended up wanting to go to Texas. Well, in that time I was like okay, well, I'm going with you. So that night, before the bus left, I'm pushing suitcases out the back or out my window.
Larry :So that out of your parents' house.
Christy :Yeah, and my grandparents' house.
Larry :Yeah.
Christy :So, or out my window, so that out of your parents house, yeah, my grandparents house, yeah. So, um, and I did that and then I just pretended I went to school and I never went to school. I went to his aunt's house and we left to the bus how old was he?
Larry :he was 16 okay but hold on a second. We got to back up even a little bit more than that. You're living at your grandparents house let's talk about.
Christy :Let's go back to that, okay well, how did you end up at your mom and dad?
Rob:Yeah, so, okay, so sorry I should be no, no, no, no, no, no, we're, we're we're we're we're peeling onions now.
Larry :We're peeling onions.
Christy :Right. So, um, when, let's see, whenever I was one, my dad moved to Florida, there was, um, some stuff going on with him and my mom, and so my dad just skipped to Florida and then my mom was there to raise us. Well, there, that's where she just ended up staying with my grandma. So I grew up in my grandparents' house, and that's just what it was.
Rob:My mom worked every day and so it was grandparents and mom and you yeah, so there was all three of us and and um, so it was.
Christy :it was a lot um it was. I learned a lot of good things, like my grandma taught me how to keep a house clean, you know, and um and all that and what it, what it looks like to be um a family, and what you're supposed to do, you know, be supportive and just be there. But yeah, my mom was always working, like I said, she was trying to support us and so I just started hanging out with the wrong crowd and it just kind of just went from there.
Rob:You have siblings.
Christy :Yeah, I have an older brother I don't really talk to and I have a younger brother that we're close with.
Rob:Okay.
Christy :Yeah, yeah, so, and we have different dads, so that, so, uh, that was a little bit different, um also, so he didn't get to see like the same thing of where my dad, like my dad wasn't there. His dad was a little bit there, but not, um, completely the older brother, the younger brother? Yeah, the the younger, the older one we share. We share um the same dad okay but different moms. So um, but yeah, I don't really, I don't really talk to them everybody from the oakdale area um.
Christy :My older brother lives in riverbank okay okay, so close, but you know um, but we're just not close, we just haven haven't really gotten that bond, I think.
Larry :Okay. So, you push the suitcases. Let's go back there Now we're 15 years old.
Rob:Now we're 15. The man of your dreams is 16. We're headed to Texas and out go the suitcases.
Christy :Yes, and it was like before we got color ID and everything, so no one knew where I was. I didn't call for the first time, I think three weeks.
Larry :Oh shit.
Christy :And then so everyone was panicking, didn't know where I was. Um, the school had called, said I never showed up, and uh, and I was already on my way to Texas.
Larry :Was there any kind of alerts put out? What year was that?
Christy :Um gosh, probably 2001, 2002.
Larry :Amber alerts or anything out at this time. No no, no.
Christy :So, but they did, they did contact the police department, they contacted it went it went statewide, it went everywhere and um, and I'm not sure how that got out, but that's, that's how that happened, and um, so yeah, so we were there, I made a phone call and I called and we didn't have caller ID then. So I just said, hey, like I'm just checking in or whatever, I called the house phone and answer machine or live person answer. No, somebody answered.
Larry :Okay.
Christy :And um, and the first time I had talked to my mom, and then I waited a week and it it like took so long to walk to this gas station to use the payphone, so it was like it had to have been like I don't know, it felt like 10 miles for sure, but but I would go there and then, like the next week I go there and I try to make a phone call to there, and and then I had talked to them again, my aunt had answered the phone and did you tell them where you were or did you just say hi, I'm okay.
Christy :Yeah, I'm hi, I'm okay. I just want to tell you guys I love you and all of that, and I wouldn't tell them where I was. And then the next time I called my aunt answered and I think this was they already had gotten caller ID, so they already kind of knew I was in corpus christi. So, uh, so deep in texas yeah, yeah.
Christy :So we went to corpus christi. Well, um, I made that phone call and I talked to my aunt and um, and she said, hey, like your mom's not here and I'm like what, where she at. And she's like, oh, she's at work. Well, little did I know she was already driving to Texas to get me. So when I made um another phone call, um, the cops swarmed us at the gas station and he ended up going in. He got, uh, taken to California, you know, and and uh, and they put me in, like this little group home for a minute and they're like, hey, like um, well, your mom will be here in a couple hours to pick you up. I'm like what?
Larry :It took me three days to get here like on a bus already on her way, like what, yeah?
Christy :and she showed up with her cousin and I was like, oh my god, who is this dude? But uh, they're just trying to get christy back so hold on I gotta.
Larry :There's so much in there, but I got so much because we're working with steps and her steps.
Rob:I don't remember that now. Did you ever make amends to your mom for the work? Now that you're a mother, you know have been a mother right and having one of your kids did you ever make amends, your mom?
Christy :I'm sorry to make you worry like that yes, and I and, and now that you know I have the kids and stuff like that, it's like dang. I really see like that was crazy to go through that like that's insane, but um, but yeah, I think it's uh head on. You know, approaching it head on is is good and it always brings out those sappy moments, you know, but they're just pure, you know, and and I couldn't apologize enough to take that worry back obviously you know.
Rob:I like how you said that yeah, and it's like I.
Christy :You know I could until I'm blue in the face, but it's not going to do anything you know I mean, and her in that moment was had to have been in a panic, because now I have a 14 year old and that's like I couldn't imagine and, but he's a boy, yeah could imagine that.
Larry :I mean I probably. That probably sounds extremely racist or sexist, but you were a 14. At any period of that time, were you scared? Did you ever get scared during that period of time?
Christy :no, I kind of wondered like what we were doing, like what we were gonna do, and I'm like so what were you doing?
Rob:how long in texas?
Christy :okay, so we are in texas.
Larry :We're going down a whole other road right now. But now I'm curious.
Christy :So we were there for, I think, a month before we got caught.
Rob:What were you doing for a month? Who were you living with?
Christy :Okay. So we were living with his grandma and she kind of questioned it for a minute or whatever. But then after a while she's like what in the world? Like, yeah, what is this 14-year-old doing here? The world? Like, yeah, what is this 14 year old doing here, you know, and this 16 year old, yeah, yeah and no, it's just like the. I don't know. They just didn't look at that. I guess. I don't know, um, people are different, but um, but uh, but yeah. So we stayed there, we stayed in a trailer, we didn't go in the house, we stayed in her trailer.
Larry :What were you doing for money? Just living off of grandma?
Christy :I honestly don't know, because I don't really remember that part of it, I just remember.
Larry :No drugs or alcohol during this period of time.
Christy :I was just going to get into that. That was the first time that I had ever smoked.
Larry :Weed was there, there was.
Christy :A little bit of weed right there before that, but other than that it was it. It didn't go there, you know. But um, but yeah, I remember doing that the first time in the trailer and uh, and then later on, then I find out that I'm pregnant and we're just in the trailer.
Larry :How did this?
Christy :happen?
Rob:I don't know you found out you were pregnant in Texas.
Christy :Yeah. So now I'm pregnant in Texas. And that's when I found out which was like, oh my God, what are we going to do? And he's like we're going to have the baby. And I'm like, okay, we're going to have the baby, okay, you know. And after that it was like I was dead set on it. I was like I didn't worry about what we were going to do, how we were going to make money, how we were going to support this baby. I just, we just decided to have it happen.
Christy :Yeah, and at first obviously it was like an uproar in the family and everything else. But um, but definitely uh did you find out?
Larry :you were pregnant before you, before your mom got there.
Christy :Yeah.
Larry :Okay. So when mom showed up and you went to the home, you're pregnant.
Christy :Yeah.
Rob:So not only did mom find daughter, yeah. Reunion. Oh, by the way, daughter's pregnant.
Christy :Yeah, I didn't.
Rob:Wow, you dropped some bombs on your mother.
Christy :Yeah, I know, I know I feel bad, I do, I promise, but yeah. So then we come back to California and she had this boss of hers that was a close friend and she had a daughter that was a little bit older. So what they decided, I guess, is that I'm going to go hang out with these girls that are at this beach house, like here you go Okay, you're back here go hang out with them that are at this beach house.
Rob:Like here you go, okay, you're back here, go hang out with them. And I'm like like a better influence of people, supposedly.
Christy :Yeah, I mean in a sense. And then this girl like comes into the bathroom and she's telling me she's like you're pregnant, aren't you? And I'm like what? And then this other guy that that's there, one of their guy friends that are there and I'm thinking what in the world? And he's trying to sleep with me and I'm like what? I don't, I don't want any part of this right now. Like I'm like in my head so much right now that there's just there's just absolutely no way. But I just I can look back at that now and just be like, wow, that's what I would take more detail on that.
Larry :Where was the beach house at?
Christy :Um, I think it was um in Tolick.
Larry :Okay, okay. So was it supposed to be a halfway house or Christian house? What?
Christy :No, it was just this. Parents know them. Yeah, so yeah, okay, okay, my mom's boss at the time.
Rob:Okay.
Christy :It was her kids.
Rob:Okay, and, and so her mom was trying to get her around better. She thought Right, she thought, yeah, she thought.
Christy :And then, yeah, they were drinking, partying, doing whatever, and it just, and I was like I locked myself in the bathroom like oh my God, what is going on? And and then I ended up going back home. But after that I just remember being pregnant and his parents at the time would his mom and his stepdad would stay at the reservoir and they would just travel from reservoir to reservoir just in I guess the amount of time like you can only stay there for so long, right. So I was like you know what? This is where I want to go. I want to go stay with them at the reservoir. So I'm like, barefoot, pregnant, at the lake 14.
Christy :14. Living in a tent, like, and that was just where I wanted to be at that moment, I guess, but it was just, it was crazy hot and it was it was miserable. I remember like coming out of the tent, like and just being like all the the morning, sickness or whatever. But dinner time came around and there it went and I was like too this, I'm never going to forget this Just puking by the lake, like this is just, this is weird, but yeah, yeah. So then I had my son and and so drugs, alcohol during your pregnancy?
Christy :No, no, you're good. No, not for that one, no and um. But with that um it just kind of just started like I just started having to grow up really. I mean it was like taking care of the baby, but thank God I had the support that I did from my grandma and my mom, because I wouldn't have been able to do that and I know this son yeah, yes, and robin is the son and um, now he's about to be 23.
Christy :Yeah, he's 22, yeah, and um, so it's. It's a little bit crazy, like I. Just I took him along with all my shit, you know, and it's one of the things that I have to live with. But what can you do? You can't take it back.
Larry :No, you can't.
Christy :But that's definitely hard.
Larry :So let's pick back up at the 15-year-old taking your meth for the first time Smoking, smoking.
Christy :Yeah, I remember they're like here, take this hit or whatever. And then he's like, stand next to the wall and look up and you could feel the room moving. And I'm like, okay, so I did. I remember standing by the furnace and just like looking up, and I just remember feeling the whole world moving and I was like, oh my God, we're on this, let's go.
Christy :And then I started like I don't know just tweaker shit, you know just drawing and all of this. And I remember like I drew this like this, that's what it is, yeah, I mean. And then I drew like this dude on a it was a baseball bat or whatever. And you can hecka tell like that I erased it a lot and doodling, erasing it. And my kid's dad comes into the room and he looks at the picture and he goes you've been tweaking. And I go what? And he goes yep, you've been tweaking. He's like you're drawing. He's like, like you're drawing, he's like in your hello, erasing it and you're lying, and I was like okay, and he's like, no, like what. And so then it just kind of went, went from there, you know, um, we ended up not being together after that.
Larry :That was um, that was just done. Um, uh, let's see when I started using oh, it had to be about a year old then, yeah, yeah, so I.
Christy :That was just done. How old was your son at that point? Let's see when I started using.
Larry :Oh, it had to be about a year old then, yeah.
Christy :Yeah, so he was born in November and then I started using a month and five days after. Wow, okay so yeah, I jumped right into it.
Larry :And up to this point. You talked about weed, you talked about meth, but no alcohol to speak of.
Christy :No, it wasn't, yeah, I might have maybe drank a little bit like maybe with friends, but nothing that it was like yeah, I want to drink.
Blake :No no.
Christy :I just went straight to running hard, I guess. I don't know.
Larry :You went straight to having a kid.
Christy :Yeah, right, right, I'm just jumping Half measures of illness?
Rob:nothing Right, you are an overachiever, Christy. Yeah.
Christy :Yeah, I'm hoping to change that into good things now. But yeah, so, and then up a little bit more. I ended up having another child daughter a daughter, yeah, and she's now 19. And I remember sitting there. I'm like, oh my God and at this point I'm already met out, I'm just maxed out to the thing. I'm sleeping all day. I'm staying up all night. I used to take my mom's car and then not come back for a couple of days and messing around.
Christy :Yep, messing around and um and so when I did that, I I found out that I was pregnant again and I was like I can't with the same guy.
Christy :No with a different one, yeah, and With the same guy, no. With a different one, yeah. And then this one, which we'll get into. But with this one I was like, dang, I cannot bring her along with this, like I can't do it. And it was like it was the hardest decision I ever made. But it was easy to think about what I can't provide for her, cause I already haven't done that for the first one.
Christy :So I remember in the hospital when I was in Oak Valley and I lay up there and there's like clouds on the ceiling and they're like, hey, um, do you want to know the gender?
Christy :And I was like, okay, and they told me it was a girl and I just started crying and crying, just, I don't want, um, I don't want her to live my life, you know, um.
Christy :So I ended up giving her up for adoption, which I, um, I signed up for a social worker, in a sense of um, for the oldest one, where they would come and check in the house or whatever every every week and, uh, just check on me, see how the baby's doing, see how I'm doing. So I had connected with her and had this bond with her where she would, uh, we just a personal relationship and she's like and I told her I was like, hey, like I'm pregnant. And she's like okay, what do you want to do? And I said, I think I want to give her up for adoption. And she said, okay, she's like, I know the place to go. And I was like, okay, so we went to Bethany Christian Center in Modesto and it's no longer there, but we went there and she's like hey, she's like I know this family that goes to my church and that has wanted a baby and they're looking into adoption she's like this is where they go or whatever.
Christy :So take a look at their profile and that's what it was and it was kind of. It was definitely different for me to look at that, and I'm sure anybody else that has ever given um an open adoption, you know, I mean A shot was looking at their profile and telling all about them and like picking to see who is going to take the baby, and, like you, look at some of them, I'm like dang, they don't look like they're going to last together for a while, so let's just switch and then just keep going. But the only people that really stood out to me were those people that she pointed out and I was like you know what, let's just do it. Well, they I met with them every week.
Rob:How far along when you, when this process was going, cause you were still, you were carrying the baby and meeting with these people.
Christy :Right, so I was about probably four months maybe.
Larry :Okay, no drugs right.
Christy :No, well, yes.
Christy :So, then I continued to use in this time and um, and I had told them that like we have to be honest with the whole thing, right? So like hey, just in case there's any complications we can approach as such, you know. But but, um, yeah, flipping through that book was just a crazy feeling, um, altogether, but they ended up being super amazing people like I wouldn't. I would have never thought um that I would have done the right thing, you know, and that's like a big, huge worry is like, am I going to to pick the right people? And it sounds like it just sounds crazy as I'm saying it, like you know, um, but you were always involved, even after.
Christy :Right To this day. So it wasn't. Yeah, so it was an open adoption.
Rob:So, like there's certain, explain that to what?
Christy :Yeah, ok, so with an open adoption is that in this contract there's a contract saying that they can't deny me to see her, and they can't. They have to send me a certain amount of pictures every month of her progress right and where she's going. Well, they did above and beyond. Wow, they did above and beyond and it started our whole connection of them just being a part of the family. They show up to holidays. Wow they show up to birthdays.
Blake :Wow.
Christy :Like everything, where we're just totally and everyone knows who they are and what's new and what's going on. You know that's how connected we were.
Larry :What about your mom through that process? Your mom and your grandma during that process?
Christy :You know what? I don't really remember a whole lot of where they were at with it, but I do have an aunt that also gave up one for adoption but, hers was closed, so it was a little bit different. I don't think anybody really knew what to expect or right what to expect out of it or what we're gonna do, you know, or how that even works. So we ended up going to dinner every month and they bought me flowers. They just showered me with gifts and appreciation.
Rob:This is my favorite part of her story.
Christy :Yeah, it's like just so much love that I didn't see that I was missing.
Larry :They treated you as a daughter. Huh, they treated you as a daughter. Yes, yes, they did, and they still continue to do that.
Christy :I was missing. They treated you as a daughter. Huh, they treated you as a daughter, yes, yes, they did, and they still continue to do that to this day. To this day.
Larry :That's God. Yeah, a thousand percent.
Christy :Yeah, and it's definitely amazing. I get to watch her grow, you know, and I get to be involved Not as much as I would like to, but I feel like there's something that kind of is there that kind of separates myself from that feel which I got to work on that in some way, but I just don't know how, you know.
Larry :But explain that a little bit more, Christy.
Christy :So, like I feel like with an open adoption, like I should, you know, um, she always knows that I'm there to to talk with her anytime, you know, but I think my reaching out um hasn't been what it needed to be for her, for your part for yeah, for my part for her.
Christy :You know um, just like, you know filling in gaps and thoughts, and you know just being there. I don't think that I did the best I could in that situation, because what I think I did is I kind of I didn't utilize it being an open adoption if that makes any sense, that's perfect sense you know, so I could have done more more and I should have done more, but the only thing I can do now is right.
Larry :How old is she?
Christy :she's 19 okay yeah, yeah, so, um, so that was good. And then, uh, and then later on, well, I guess, yeah, later on, I, um, I ended up having another child, so and this one, you know, he's a, he's a boy and um, and I ended up keeping him. So I think her thoughts, I think in it is why did she keep the boys?
Larry :Why did you give up the girl and keep the boys? Yeah, first thought, I said yeah Thought.
Christy :And I do know that she's had that thought and she's growing up now and she's seeing life for what it is Her own thoughts.
Larry :Yeah, and she's seeing life for what it is, you know, and it's not all Her own thoughts.
Christy :Yeah, you know, and I do believe she gets you know, the support and stuff that she needs from her family and from outside help. You know, I'm hoping that that's still a thing, but again, like with that, I don't have any control over that Right. So I just have to hope and pray on that one.
Larry :She's her own person now.
Christy :Yeah, yeah.
Larry :For sure.
Christy :Yeah.
Rob:And the beautiful thing is, life happens, because I don't care who you are. Life happens.
Larry :Oh yeah.
Rob:She'll have more perspective on and where we are in these moments. You know you have a moment to make a decision, oh for sure.
Christy :Especially to make a decision especially with a childbirth.
Rob:But I mean, you have a moment, we've talked about that. And where you are in that moment may not be where you were the year, two years, wherever, the next moment, but you have to do what you think is best in that moment and everybody's got to face those decisions.
Rob:And the more she faces, she's going to realize you do the best, you made the best decision you could with the information you had, because I know son number one and that the environment he grew up in is she. She's blessed. Your, the daughter is, yeah, so blessed to have gotten that environment.
Christy :Yeah, so it was a great decision yeah, I feel like all three of my kids have gotten a version of me that wasn't healthy. It doesn't matter which way it was, but it was like, dang, I really had a part in even where you are now, just because of my choices, and that's how, like.
Christy :I hope that they look at that one day and like make better choices you know, and, yeah, make better choices, because what I do affects them, you know, and what they do will affect their kids, you know, and it's like one of those things that, um, you can guide and and so much you know, but I didn't. I didn't do what I could have done. But I can't live there in that moment. You know I have to like show up now, you know.
Rob:Be the best you can be today. Yeah, which you are.
Christy :Yeah, yeah. This is the best version of me that I've ever had. I've ever had and I it's just crazy to think that, like from 14 to to now, like I, never again. This is the best version of me. You know what I mean. Every, every year was something new.
Larry :Let's, let's back up just a minute. We're going to get to the recovery part.
Christy :So what when? What age were you when you had your third child? 2022.
Larry :Were you drinking and using during that period of time?
Christy :Yes, okay, yes.
Larry :So your third son is born. Did you decide to keep him the dad around?
Christy :He is now.
Larry :Okay.
Christy :But he wasn't and it was more of. You know, he had an addiction himself and, um, you know it led to prison and everything else and luckily not death. So now we're both like living in recovery, you know, but, um, but it's just, it's still different. It's still different, it's still there's a lot more to it, to this day too.
Christy :But, um, but yeah, no, my, my youngest is 14 now and he's going to be 15 in September. But life is just like around it and I can see things now for what, for what it is and how I could change it and what I need to do. So recently, um, I ended up letting him go to Oklahoma to stay with his aunt.
Larry :Not Texas side, not Texas side, or your, the, her, his dad's side his dad's side.
Christy :Okay, yeah, so that's where he's at now and, um, it's a little bit different, but I but I want to show up even though he's not here, and that's the thing is that if I see patterns how you know, how I grew up, or how my, my other son grew up, you know, know, it's like I have to make changes appropriately to make sure that I'm no longer a person that could, in a sense, be part of their trauma or whatever you know. So, so that you recognize that now though. Yeah.
Larry :Well, you, you understand what the trauma did for you as a child.
Christy :Right, right.
Larry :Right, um, going to ask one question and I'm going to go way back. We didn't really talk about zero to 14, that period of your life. Do you want to talk about that period?
Christy :I honestly don't really remember a lot of it.
Larry :So you got trauma from zero to 14 that you really haven't probably hit on yet.
Christy :Yeah, I don't need. I don't even know what. I don't even know what's there, Cause the only thing that I remember is when life started, it felt like it was at 14.
Larry :Wow. So like I, remember some blockage there.
Christy :Yeah, Like I remember going to school and I remember, you know, having friends and all of that, but like other than that, I don't, I don't really, I don't remember.
Larry :Wow, zero to zero to mom.
Christy :Yeah.
Larry :Yeah, that's, that's, that's your memory, that's life, I mean yeah, I mean, that's her memory. If you really put it into perspective, it's zero to mom. She started at 14 when she became a mom.
Christy :Right.
Larry :And there's not a lot of memory prior to that.
Christy :Yeah, I don't, I don't remember, I don't remember anything. I feel like there's just like I remember sixth grade camp. Yeah, I remember.
Rob:See, I don't remember a lot either. I mean, I remember. See I don't remember highlights.
Larry :You know what I mean? I don't know, I see.
Rob:Five-year-old Christmas. Okay, I remember that. I remember when I split my head open. I remember that, that Superman. I remember shooting my sister trying to shoot her in the face with a pellet gun and then my dad broke it. He made me pee my pants. I remember highlights but I don't remember day in and day out stuff.
Larry :Well, god, no, we're not going to remember day in and day out stuff, but I remember highlights.
Rob:Were no dad.
Larry :From zero to 14, dad was gone, dad left, but were you treated by aunts and uncles? Okay, was there aunts and uncles involved? Was there brothers and sisters in and out, zero to 14?
Christy :No, it was just Just life. Yeah, just my grandparents and my mom, and we had regular family functions.
Larry :I guess maybe I'm trying to dig into something too far, it's just not. I mean, there was no trauma there.
Christy :Really, that's just why I was. It was, it was a, it was a healthy home, pretty just a normal, yeah, just a normal childhood. Then, okay, we went to, uh, we went to catechism and everything else.
Larry :I remember like you know, I think I'm trying to figure out why, at 14, you decided to run away to texas once you got mixed up with the boy that gave her yeah, I found love, jesus, I found love. Jesus Christ.
Rob:I know Well again.
Larry :hold on. It's just crazy for me, no father is huge.
Rob:Right there you go. Yeah, no, father is huge, that is huge.
Christy :And if my mom's always working? Then I'm just there with the grandparents.
Rob:So then it's kind of like the no, no, I get it.
Christy :But yeah, they ran their own company and everything else, so they were more into that. My aunt used to work work for them so then she would come in. She's working in the office, you know, and we would, we would go in there and talk to her while she's working. But other than that, like it was, it was just normal. Christy got to do whatever Christy wanted. Yeah, no, and that's what it was when I started getting you know and they were trying to grab control, but I had already.
Rob:I've already got freedom.
Christy :I already got freedom. You can't take it away from me now.
Rob:Especially yeah, so that's where that happened.
Larry :Sorry, I was sitting here thinking as you were talking. I'm like wait a minute. I felt like we're missing a piece, but apparently we're not. Apparently we're not. Okay, all right, so let's, let's uh. So your third son is born third child, third child, third child let's start from there. When did you, when did your alcohol really? Because we've talked about weed, we've talked about meth we haven't really talked about when your son was born. You're what age? She was 20 22 okay when did that alcohol begin to come progress in your life?
Rob:I think, and or pattern excellence with it, because I mean, that's was always part of right.
Christy :So after I had, uh, had my daughter, I I started drinking a little bit, but I was still in so much of my active addiction that the alcoholism didn't, didn't shine through and and I could get into that, because you know, um, I quit meth when my son was born. My youngest son was born, so it's been 15 years since I've used.
Larry :You were able to just walk away from that.
Christy :Right, so I and I can get into that as well. So so whenever um I found out I was pregnant with my son, I um at some point in the pregnancy I had stopped, but what had happened was my first son's dad. He was dating this girl and we did not get along at first at all, but as soon as they broke up or whatever, we became friends. And so whenever I, so whenever I told her that I was pregnant, she said you're moving in with me?
Larry :Jesus.
Christy :Yes, that was the best thing that has ever happened.
Larry :Nice.
Christy :And she said Nope, you're coming under my wing, this is what we're doing and you're not going to use. And I didn't use Wow. Yeah, that was.
Larry :God has been a huge part of your life. Yes, and many, many blessings.
Christy :That's crazy. Yes, so then after that?
Rob:Is this who I think it is?
Christy :Leslie.
Rob:Okay.
Christy :Yeah, yeah. So I moved in with her. I didn't use. There was partying going on around like our choices in men weren't the greatest, so it was like party city over there.
Larry :You chose the same man.
Christy :Right, well, yeah, right, definitely. But at this point she had already moved on and stuff like that. But but in that moment it was just like I got my girl crew, you know, and like nothing's gonna, nothing's gonna phase us, right, and that was what it was. And so I ended up um having the baby and, um, I, six months after I had my, uh, youngest, I met a gentleman and he was like, hey, you can move in with me. And I was like, okay, so I moved in with him, because, at whatever point I ended up moving back in with my mom because I had the baby, there was no room for it, for the baby, at her house. It was just kind of small. But, um, so I moved back with my mom and at this point we had already moved from my grandparents' house into our own apartment. So, and that happened I guess we're going back back and forth, but that happened after my first son was born.
Christy :So we went, uh, and moved in to an apartment, um, and then I just remember like, um, everything was changing, you know, and I like my mindset, but also I started drinking, so in that event, I just switched one for the other so then when I moved out of my mom's house into this guy's house, um, we were there, for we were together for a couple years and um, but he helped me raise my youngest because his dad wasn't there, he was in and out of jail and everything else. So we kind of just looked at him like, hey, this is your father figure in a sense. But that quickly deteriorated because of alcohol.
Larry :He wasn't a drinker. The guy that we moved in with yeah.
Blake :Okay.
Christy :Yeah, guy, the guy who moved in with yeah, okay, yeah, and at that moment we were and I think this is when my my alcoholism definitely hit a peak, because when, um, we were there, we were drinking gallons of bacardi every night and it was just the two of us, so and it became like a huge party. Well, I had my oldest living there with us and I had my youngest and, um, it just became a crazy fight all the time and yes, and it was street chaos and it was just.
Christy :There's so many memories in that.
Christy :But it's like to the point where it's like, you know, we start laying hands on each other and everything else. But my stuff was on the front porch every week, like it was just so chaotic that, like we we ended up going to a party and I and we didn't have the youngest with us and it was out there on river road and we go out there and everyone's partying, having a good time, and then he gets mad or jealous over something, and then he, we get in the car, he's like we're leaving and I'm like, okay, fine, whatever, and it had to do with jealousy. But but, uh, nothing that I had, nothing that I had done from my recollection. So when we go and we're going down the road by, um, oh gosh, um, what's that bar that's there now? I don't know, it's Cricket Spur, but anyway, oh, whiskey River is what it was. So we were going by Whiskey River and he's like, oh, I can't find my phone and I'm like, okay, he's like we have to go back and I'm like, oh, my God, okay, fine.
Christy :So he like whips it around really fast, well, pulling the wheel, and we go off that embankment and we go down and about 25 feet and I fly out the windshield and then I have this, uh, adrenaline, and I just climb up the hill and then I collapse and the next thing I remember is the Metaflight coming.
Blake :Oh, wow.
Christy :And so I had like a walker and, like it was, I couldn't't walk, I didn't have strength in my back, um, from from the fall, wow, but um. But it was crazy and for years, for years I blamed him for that, but not until I came into the rooms. I was like, oh, this is my fault, you know.
Larry :And I, I thought owning our own shit hurts. I know, I was like oh my gosh, but, um, but.
Christy :But it was a good feeling to actually take responsibility for that. You know, and some of the things that I've learned too. It's not like you know, it's like, oh, man, you know, but it's like, oh, that was my fault, okay, so here.
Rob:I am. I can let go of this resentment. I can let go of this anger.
Christy :I, so I can let go of this resentment, I can let go of this anger, I can let go of this hatred. Yeah, so, before I, even so, before I even started working with Steph, I messaged him. I was like hey, by the way, I blamed you for years for this and I apologize so much for that that's before you even got to that, steph before I even got to that.
Larry :What was?
Christy :his response yeah, he just said like no, it's okay, like I take part in it too, and and it kind of just went was he in the rooms or no? No, he's still, to this day, in active addiction as well so, um, but yeah, it was. It was crazy to think of that, like dang I, because I, I did, I blame, I blamed him for years yeah, but he admitted that he had part in it, even inside of his addiction he took the blame for it for years really and and I think it was because he still had some sort of feeling there- but, but he's like yeah, no, whatever, it's my fault, you know.
Christy :I mean because in a sense it was like bitch, you grabbed the wheel right, I was driving just fine, like probably not, but but yeah, so, um, so that. But then that's when my my partying. I was at the bar every from Thursday to Sunday. Every I would hang out with a group that we would. Just we were walking distance from it, so then we would just go there and I would stay the night from. Thursday to Sunday and just where were the kids?
Christy :The oldest was with my mom and the youngest was either with me or with my mom, was with my mom and the youngest was either with me or with my mom. So my mom had a big part in in helping raise the kids, because I wasn't fit to do it clearly.
Larry :Now let's, so, let's, let's go on a little bit. How long did that? So let's go to your recovery, right? So how long were you an active alcoholic? Well, we're still active alcoholic, but I mean how long she's not active alcoholic now. No, no, no. But no, you're right, she's recovered, but when?
Rob:how long were you? I would say from 24 to how long was it over?
Christy :In July it'll be two years.
Rob:Okay, so 24 to there.
Larry :Yeah, so you had. You guys are going to make me do the fucking math. Answer the question how long? Thank you God damn it.
Rob:Let's ask her how old she is. I don't ask women how old they are. That's what I was trying not to do.
Larry :Christy, how old are you?
Christy :37.
Larry :Okay, just a kid, all right, so you were about 10 years in Taken for notes.
Blake :So, you were there for 10. You.
Larry :So what led you to the incomprehensible demoralization where you were like I can't do this anymore.
Christy :Okay, okay. So with that I already knew where to go, because when I got sober off of meth or when I got clean off of meth, or when I got clean off of meth, I started going to AA and uh or NA. And that's when I I started realizing like, oh, okay. So when I, when I um got into like the problem part of it, I um, I'm all tripping right now. Um, it must be something hard coming, but, um, but I at one, at whatever point I was going through, I was in a relationship and I was like you know what? Like I'm never going to get over this dude If I continue to.
Christy :To do these patterns like this is just insane. I get drunk and then I call him and then we end up back in the same mess and everything else and I'm like you know what? I'm going to AA and I'm going to do it for two weeks, right? So I did, and I did it for two weeks and he calls me up and he's like hey, so I'm about to get with this girl. Um, do you want to try things again? And I said no, I said no, I said no, I don't want to, I'm done. And I needed that time to sit there and and do that right. So so now, fast forwarding to almost two years ago. I was in this relationship and pattern recognition.
Christy :Yeah, and I was like oh my gosh, like it's the fights it's the, it's, the, it's the, the worry it's, it's, it's everything that that came along with it. That was like dang, like I, this person came into my life and from that one, from the two week or whatever, okay, when I went through that, I put up these walls so high that I was like nothing could touch me, like this is not gonna be ever a thing. I'm never gonna date until I feel it, and that's what it was. I. I ran into somebody, into a in a bar and I was like, which probably wasn't the greatest idea, right, but I had these walls and I had standards and I was like you know what? This?
Christy :isn't gonna happen like I'm not gonna go through the worry or anything like that again. Well then, getting into it like it was, it was awesome at first. You know what I mean? I get the, the, the good morning text, the. I'm like hey, what are you? Doing yeah, the ooh and the ah yeah.
Rob:The butterflies.
Christy :It's supposed to be that way, yes, and it, but it was a long distance relationship. So that's what I hung on to was those phone calls, you know. But at a certain point, with both of us drinking, I had such a part in it as well. As whenever he got off work, I was already at the bar. So our connection started just losing itself and it was hard.
Christy :Well, um, he had gotten sober for um for a few months and he was like you know what? I was driving by the ocean and I was thinking like dang, I don't have anything here. Like I think I want to move. And I was like what, okay, I'm going to call you when I get off work because we need to talk about this. And when I get off work, I remember looking at my desk and he and I'm just like in my chair, swiveling, like looking at my desk and I'm on the phone with him, and he's like, yeah, he's like this is what I want to do, like I want to move and I'm still drinking. At this point I I'm like I cannot do this.
Christy :We have not worked through anything that we all the problems. You know what I mean. There's certain people that were enabling him to do bad and I, instead of like hey, like you are ruining this right, I had to like, wait a minute, I don't even if you can't see it, cause it wasn't the other people around us, it was. It was him, you know, and it was. It was hard to even take a step back. Um, all together, but I was like you know what? I? I can't do this anymore. If you think you're going to move, I cannot do this anymore. I was like I, I don't want to. I went off and I, I went off on this thing. This is my last drunk and I he said he wanted to move and I flipped out and I was like we haven't even dealt with anything that that that's been going on he wanted to move closer to you.
Larry :Yeah, okay, you want to move up. So yeah.
Christy :so he wanted to move up north. Well, because he was living in la or Long Beach at this time and and I was just in a full panic like no way, because he spent so much time at this person's house where it just it messed with my head so much Like I would go to work and he would be there right after I left for work.
Rob:He's already starting to click.
Christy :Yeah, and he would. He would just get in his car and he would not even say good morning to me or nothing. Like he just get in his car and he would not even say good morning to me or nothing. He just got in his car and went straight there. I'm like what is it with this person? What is the connection? It just sent me in this rage. I didn't know how to deal with it. I was like dang, we never even figured that out. Are you still going to hang out with those same people? Are you still going to have those habits? Are you still going to leave right when I get off work and not even acknowledge me? Are we still, you know, drinking the second that you wake up? And it just none of it sounded right at that moment where I'm like no, I don't want to do this.
Rob:And now I?
Christy :don't even want to be with you. So you hand off to AA. Yeah, and I went, went to aa. I walked in the rooms and I'm like I'm here on a breakup and once again number two. Yep, breakup number two. And these days started adding up and they're like hey, day three, the day started adding up.
Larry :I fucking love it, but you got involved too.
Christy :Yeah, yeah, so, and I would go there every day and I'm like I cannot sit here and hang out with the same people that I was hanging out with, because it's just, and I didn't again, didn't want myself in that situation again. So then I went back to AA and I was like you know what?
Christy :And as everyone started like I walked in and everyone's like day three, I'm like, yeah, day four, yeah, you know, and it was it was the most amazing thing, because growing up at 14, you know, or whatever, like if you're jumping from zero to 14, right, and and now you're just about to have a kid, you don't hear you're doing great, right, you know, you don't hear that that praise and stuff that, that kid that kids need, you know, you don't.
Christy :And so when I walked into the rooms it was like, dang, people are proud of me, like what, I'm doing? Something amazing. So then I liked the sound that everyone else was just like counting my days with me and it was doing something with me and just made me feel a part of. And as I just kept going, um, again, you know, the days started going and the months started coming and then I just I ended up getting into service. But what I did was, yes, getting into service.
Christy :But there was like a whole side of the whole recovery thing that that is different, because I well, I originally asked somebody to be my sponsor and they told me no, and they said, here you go, try this person. I'm like okay, so I try that person. And it was. We had a great connection. It was more of a friendship, I think, and not the strictness necessarily that I needed. But that person ended up relapsing. And then I go to look for the grand sponsor and the grand sponsor ended up skipping out for a little bit, um, not necessarily in a relapse way, but just not present, so, um, so then that's when I, uh, I found my sponsor.
Larry :Now, Let me talk about that just for a second. Do you have any idea how how much strength it took for you not to walk away from AA during that little period? If I'm being completely honest, like that's what it, was?
Christy :It was 4th of July. Um, so last year, yeah, last year, yeah, um that, uh, I had just hit my one year and I was putting on that event, or whatever part of uh putting on that event, and so yeah. And something was like kind of just getting to me Well at this moment, like I had a resentment and I was like dang, like this is.
Larry :And you recognize that without even going through the steps yet.
Christy :Right, right. So then I was like you know what I was like oh my God, I have this resentment Right. So I had to take the money from the 50 50 raffle Right and take it to the fellowship. And as I walk in the door, the person that I had a resentment with was there, along with my sponsor now, and I had said that too and and I had like this little spiel and I was like hey, like I, uh, no one has thanked me for this Right. And that's another part of the growth part, because in that time I needed somebody to say that good job Right. And that's another part of the growth part, because in that time I needed somebody to say that good job Right. And and I think, just newly in sobriety, it's kind of I think it's important that people you know say that. But now, looking at that, I don't need validation Right, so I needed my myself to do that but but, um, in that moment I was like hey, like nobody thanked me like this, what it was?
Christy :my sponsor relapsed and everything else. And I told them and I had mentioned that it took a lot everything that I had to not walk away, to not walk away and just and just Go to the bar right you know, but I stuck with it and then I ended up like one of the people.
Christy :She was like oh, my sponsor, she's like oh, I'll give you guys a minute. I said no, you need to hear this too, because you just stepped in when I needed someone the most. So I appreciate you and and it was just. It was just an odd moment where I wasn't disrespectful, I wasn't rude, I stated facts and I told them exactly how it was and what their position in in it was supposed to be in my life, because they took on that role.
Larry :That's what it was and I was like dang, like oh once again want to remind everybody all that, before she worked the steps, just being in the rooms of AA gave her that strength to work through that. Hearing how everybody else worked through it gave you the strength to do what you just did. Most people, three and four years of sobriety, still can't do that.
Larry :You know what I mean. She had worked. You deserve a ton of credit for that. Thank you To work through that the way you did, without any kind of direction on how to how to actually do it.
Rob:And, I think, her being in service the way she was she was really you know?
Larry :no, she, she observed it. She had seen it happen, probably multiple times, and knew if I was going to stay sober. This is what I got to do. Right, I've been doing the service. I feel this resentment. I got to clean it.
Rob:I got to clean it Cause I've heard other people, but she did it in a way that she didn't create another right.
Larry :It was right adult so so now you, now you got your sponsor. Yes, out of that, out of that confrontation, yes, yes, she's talking about that.
Christy :I wouldn't say she's hot, stop it she is um, but yeah, so then that, like um, I was able to work through that and then gain, then gain my sponsor I do have now, and um, and just the, the people that surround that. That whole thing is like.
Christy :I was like dang, that's when I got, that's when I got to be a part of it right because I I felt like, um well, like I didn't cause a scene, I didn't have to do any of that, but I was very specific on what I thought and the way it should.
Larry :You handled it like an adult.
Christy :Yeah, yeah, definitely yeah.
Rob:And that's where she came to that. The woman you know.
Christy :Yeah.
Rob:That's where I'm on top of my yeah.
Christy :I was like I'm on top of my sobriety. Right, let's go.
Larry :I don't know. So then, goosebumps.
Christy :So after that I was. It was back in November. Well, a little bit before that, after, after that situation, my grandma had ended up getting more sick and she it was. It was so crazy to to watch her, you know, whittle away, you know, in a sense of like just her being. But I, I put up the tree every year and even when I was drinking I still did it, but I didn't necessarily take it always down when I was supposed to, but but I did make sure that I was there to set up that tree every year. And for the last couple of years she's like no, it's all right. No, you don't have to. I'm like grandma, I want to.
Christy :I was like my mom can help me take it down you know or whatever sign something up for mom again, but, um, but it ended up working that way. Well, um, this last year I uh Grandma got really, really sick and they ended up putting her in a hospice and I was like you know what, I'm going to set up this Christmas tree early.
Larry :Atta girl.
Christy :And so I did, and before she stopped opening her eyes so much, I put up the tree and I put it on a little stand and this and I, I downsized from the big tree to the little one so I can get it closer to her and I put it next to her table and the last thing that she, she opened her eyes and looked at the tree and smiled and it was so beautiful that I got to see that smile one last time for something that I did, you know, and it was crazy because she helped raise me. She was such a huge part in my life and you're making me cry there's such a huge part of my life that I get to look back and I'm like dang, I learned so much from her and I was honored to do her eulogy at her funeral. Sober, uh-huh, sober and uh. She constantly told me how proud she was of me and that was like so amazing to hear and um, okay, right there and uh, so it was.
Christy :It was so, um amazing that I got to be a part of that and, um, well, in that time she ended up passing on thanksgiving and if we go back like I, it was, um, I was still broken up from, from the one that was gonna move who's here right now?
Christy :yeah, who's here right now? And uh and um, it was. She ended up passing away on thanksgiving and I mess. I was still in contact with him and I messaged him because he was sick for like a couple weeks and I'm like, hey, like are you okay? Hey, I'm just checking on you and hey, I'll give you an update on grandma, blah, blah, you know. And he's like, yeah, I'll drive up north whenever you know she passes, I would like to go to her funeral. I'm like, okay. So then I tell him and like that night it was, it was super late because we were having the gathering at my grandma's house still, and so everyone was there, she was surrounded by everyone in the family and we still enjoyed our last Thanksgiving together and all of that. And she passed that night.
Christy :And I messaged him and I said, hey, grandma passed, I just wanted to let you know. And it still had like the red receipts on there and he didn't open it. I'm like there's something wrong and I remember him being sick, but he wasn't on the phone a lot and I was like, okay, well, I waited. And then I still didn't hear from him. I tried calling him and texting him and everything else and I ended up calling his friends and I was like hey, has anybody heard from him? Like what's going on? And um, and no one said. They said, yeah, I heard from yesterday. I said no, but did you hear from him today? I need to know if you heard from him today. And everyone said no and I was like, oh my gosh. I said we got to call for a wellness check because I don't think he's okay. And then we call and they're like, okay, call back in an hour and we'll let you know if we hear anything, you know.
Christy :And I said, okay, well, they ended up calling back, us back anyway, before that hour even ended and they said, yeah, he was transported to St Mary's. So this whole time like I was thinking, oh my God, that that wellness check, like how long was he laying there? Was he sick, is he dead? What is going on? And being that I wasn't, you know, his wife or family member or whatever, it was difficult, but luckily he had a friend there that kind of set it up and was like hey, like we have family coming from North, um, you know, down South or whatever to uh to be here and it was just, it was. It was so crazy because I I didn't know what was happening. I had no idea.
Larry :And you're dealing with your grandmother's death.
Christy :Yeah, so it was right. It was right after that and it was two days after she had passed I ended up heading down south and we recorded right around that time. It was hard.
Larry :We recorded with Jenny during that period of time.
Rob:Yeah, he was, he was just getting, I mean, he was touching.
Larry :When you were here, we were doing step work.
Rob:He was still in the hospital.
Larry :You were talking about it Not doing good. We didn't talk about it on the show, but you talked about that.
Christy :Yeah.
Larry :When? Yeah, yeah.
Christy :And I feel like I even tried to record something with Jenny after that and I was just not in the zone at all I didn't have, and I honestly think that for me God puts things in my Atta girl. God puts things in my two things in my lap I guess at the same time, so I don't just hyper focus on one. And there was a lot of things like just with my grandma's funeral and stuff like that, where I just I didn't need to be a part of it, you know.
Christy :I just kind of let them figure it out and everything else. So I went down south and walking into that to that room and seeing him like that, my uh, what was he like?
Christy :he was, he was unresponsive, he uh, well, he wasn't. He was sedated, he was intubated and, uh, he was all puffy and I just I didn't know what, what was gonna happen. So, like all the that whole two, I still ended up staying there for two weeks but talking to the nurses and everything else, and they're just like, yeah, you just have to wait, we just have to wait. And I'm like they started putting chest tubes in him and everything else and just watching all this stuff drain from him, from his lungs, was just amazing, like amazing to see, like just oh, my God, this is what's going to happen. You know what is this? See, like just oh, my god, this is what's gonna happen. You know what is this? And I watched it go up on the meter, you know.
Christy :And every and then, once they put the second or that first chest tube in, I seen a little bit of life in him again, but before that I didn't see any life and I tried talking to him and everything else. They're like, yeah, he's not gonna, he doesn't even hear you. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, okay. So then, um, once they put in the second chest tube, I've seen a little bit more, but they tried to get him off that ventilator and every single time they lowered it so that he would breathe on his own. His heart rate and his blood pressure, everything just shot straight up and and I told them to and in in that I was like, hey, like, if you're gonna lower it, let me be there because he's scared.
Christy :And I understand, like, looking back, you know, I understand even in that moment, you know they're probably like, yeah, they don't want anybody sitting there going, hey, hey, wake up, wake up. You know. But for that time that they were doing it, I was like, hey, like I need to be here. But I ended up telling them everything that was going on. I was like, hey, I have to leave on this date. So I'm going to be calling and I need you guys to give me the updates and everything else, because I don't know what's. I have to go back. And so I ended up going back, like the day before my grandma's funeral and then did the eulogy and then went right back.
Rob:Now, can we say we'll put this gentleman in the hospital now, or should we have him on the podcast later on?
Christy :We can't.
Larry :Pull that fucking mic close, what?
Rob:were you in the hospital for young man?
Blake :I had a severe heat and pneumonia. I was getting headaches.
Blake :Excuse me who are you? I'm Blake, alcoholic. Who are you? I'm Blake, alcoholic. What happened that Thanksgiving night was I was sitting there leaning over my chair watching football and then, all of a sudden I never called an ambulance or anything and I couldn't breathe. It hurt to breathe. My right side of my chest was killing me. I went to lay down and I was like, oh no, something's not right, decided to get in the shower, couldn't breathe better, step in. And I ended up calling the ambulance on me and the fire department. And the last thing I remember I know I was already in the hospital, because I remember being on the thing and them saying, all right, give him some morphine. And I fell asleep and then I woke up three weeks later.
Rob:Was this alcohol induced.
Blake :Oh yeah, definitely severe pneumonia. I'm the type of I'd wake up with a beer and two shots. That was when I breakfast. Um, I was winging myself off alcohol, not because I wasn't, it was just a normal thing for me to drink. Uh, just it wasn't. I wasn't getting to me. I wasn't getting uh, and just wasn't getting to me. I wasn't getting drunk, or say just a steady buzz, just like Larry. Just a head change Just to go through all my day, but yeah.
Larry :I think that's why God put him in my life.
Rob:Yeah, you drink just like him, start up, go, yeah, okay.
Blake :So yeah.
Rob:Yeah, so this is when you and I started doing step work on here about this yeah, because, and I wanted you were. Yeah, it was close to death.
Christy :I mean real, right there yeah, and I and I just remember like thinking, like, like, why prolong it? If you're gonna take him, just take him. Why, why, why?
Christy :you're asking god this yeah, and I'm like what is gonna happen? Like what is this, what is this? And in that moment, you know it, it was hard because I was the only one that had keys to his house, I'm the only one that knew where he lived. And I sat there in that apartment and and I, just, I was alone and I, I just remember feeling like, oh my gosh, I wasn't even. There, wasn't even a time where I had to think about anything else that was going on.
Christy :All the time staying sober all the time staying sober, and what I did was, while I was there, I sat there and I was like, oh my gosh, I started calling. I called Rob, I called Susan, I called everybody. I could I swear I was on the phone either updating people or talking through my feelings or whatever. And I remember walking and and uh, I was walking quite a bit too.
Christy :Yeah, I did. I did call Nathan quite a bit too, and and all these people were there and I was like, but I need something here. So I started going to meetings every day there and then I, after the meeting, I would go, uh, go to the hospital and sit for a few hours and then go back to the house, but parking was crazy. So by the time I got back, we had to illegally park for so many times. I got four tickets, two tickets per car, and I'm like, oh my gosh, because I have to move his too. So it was crazy.
Christy :And then all while connecting with his family that he'd been estranged from was different too, you know. So it's like I don't really know these people, but I'm having a talk to them and I'm like updating them and everything else. They're like who is this lady coming in here thinking that she knows everything? I'm like because I do, I swear you know. But it was. It was definitely hard, but I ended up going to meetings and everything else and I ended up going to a women's meeting there and I finally I was like, cool, I clicked, I clicked with somebody.
Christy :I found people there in LA, in Long Beach in Long Beach and so being there and then and then I was like I was like, hey, you know, this is all I'm doing, I'm here checking on him and everything else. And for the whole time I was like I'm doing this from a friend's standpoint, like this is, this is what it is, and I think is like my, my separation from my feelings. I think a little bit was like I'm, I'm here on a helping hand of aa here I am right, 12 stepping, yeah, and I was like this what I'm doing.
Larry :Before she's even done the steps.
Rob:I don't know why I want to keep bringing that up.
Larry :We're in the process of oh, you're in the process doing this time Okay.
Christy :Yeah, so we'll. So whenever I came back and I ended up him, uh, and ended up like waking up, but before that I was telling him like, hey, like I need to be here. And they're like, oh no, it's all right, We'll try to wake him up right now. And the lady just hits a button. And then I was like, oh my gosh, well, what does that do? Like, what did you just do? And she's like we're going to try to wake him up. I'm like, oh my gosh, okay, the door's wide open, everything else, and there's a whole bunch of chaos going on. And I'm like, what are they doing? Like, if you're waking him up, and you guys are so worried about what he's, you know what I mean.
Christy :So I did, I turned off the lights and I shut the curtain and I just I sat there for a good three hours and I just I just wiped, like, rubbed his hand and I was like, hey, I'm here, it's okay, it's okay, Everything's okay. And it was scary because those moments, you know, when they're trying to get off a ventilator, it was just, it was hard because you can see when he started to panic. And so I kept, um, I kept doing that and I did it for so long that finally he woke up and it was like it was crazy to see. And then, like he, he already had a trach in and everything else, so he wasn't able to communicate as much. But I was like hey, do you know how long you've been here? And he said no, and I said do you want to know? And he goes yeah, and I'm like okay, you've been here for 21 days and he's like geez, you know.
Blake :Do you remember that blake? No, when I I don't remember that conversation completely. I I think I was still in a daze. The first thing I remember waking up to was seeing, uh, family members from oklahoma that flew out, and then I was coherent but you don't remember christy rubbing your arms and you waking up no, uh, when I was under, I had some very vivid, random like dreams that were happening.
Blake :I guess I was trying to buy my tube, but in a dream I had a dream that I was like biting a fish or something.
Blake :I had to gnaw my way free and me biting that wow, that's crazy restraints and there was a vivid time when I was under, where I see these people, and I thought I was locked in a dungeon. I was trying to get my lung out of me. But when I realized now I was in the hospital bed and it was the doctors that were around me. But in my opinion, I thought I was in a whole different world.
Rob:That'd be a great story to dive into. I heard a lot of oh listen, blake's gonna come on here.
Larry :Blake's got some stories to tell. So you know, blake is my first sponsee that I've ever got through all 12 steps. I'm pretty proud of that one. I'm gonna put him on my trophy case, so so. So let's talk about you know where we're at now, because obviously you, you've been through the steps right. The promises are more than reveal themselves to you multiple times, right? I mean you're, you're blake's relationship is growing from eventually moved down here right, yeah, did you. How long after you come awake, blake, did you move down here?
Blake :Oh yeah, because it was kind of random that I knew I needed change.
Larry :Up here, sorry.
Blake :Yeah, I needed change because I was trying to quit drinking and I knew more. My life was at the moment because of my disability and I wasn't doing anything today. So I knew I my life was at the moment because on disability and I wasn't doing anything today. So I knew I wanted to change it. When I woke up and then they started talking about my living situation, I said I'll just move in with Christy, and then, yeah, it's just around the corner.
Blake :Yeah, right, and but it was. I was fortunate enough to where my dad that I haven't talked to came down with his truck and trailer. They loaded up my stuff while I was still in the hospital and the day I got out was when January 11th of this year is when I moved back to Oto.
Larry :How many days you got sober now.
Blake :I'm at 40 days, atta boy.
Christy :Yeah, but right before that I was like dang, like he's moving, this is what we got to do. And I was like we, he's he's moving, this is what. This is what we gotta do. And I was like we gotta get into steps. My sponsor's like you have a lot going on, are you sure you're ready? I'm like I have to do it right now because this is this. We're right. Right now. I need to do this. And it was like kind of just like my finishing thing for myself before I get into the next chapter right I feel like so it was like okay, clear this, so then you could turn the page absolutely.
Christy :So that's kind of where I was at in my head with it and I and I felt good doing it because it was just one less thing that I had like on my plate on my list of things to do. I feel like so, um, so yeah, I took care of that and um, at first, you know, because we weren't even together. So then the fact that we just like, ok, now we're moving in together, was a little bit, a little bit different. But I even told his friends because and I updated him like on his phone, I text him every day of updates about how he was doing. I'm like, hey, today's day four.
Larry :Even when he was out.
Christy :No, no, no when he was in the hospital. I was updating him on the phone so I was like, hey, you've been under for four days now?
Larry :Oh, that's what I meant. You were writing him basically letters while he was out.
Christy :Yeah, yeah, while he was out, yeah.
Larry :Have you went back and read those?
Blake :Yes, uh, yes, I did uh about uh. Once I came here about about a month later, she said did you read anything I sent you and I said, no, I was supposed to, and so, uh, yeah, I sat down right, I got a little teary-eyed holy shit, I bet so, but listen as he gets day 60, 70, 80, is that comes back?
Rob:you just wait?
Christy :yeah, just wait yeah, so I so I updated and I was uh, you're about to go into procedure. Um, you know, uh, I'll be back in a few hours. Um, your doctors are no older than 20, so I'm sure you'll be fine. You know, and I added like a little humor into it a little- bit, but at this point, like I still you know um do you know what you were doing right there?
Larry :Do you know what you were doing right there? Do you know what you were doing? You were one alcoholic helping another alcoholic, whether you know that or not and helping yourself, you were getting out of your own head right working with another alcoholic. Yeah, even though he couldn't. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know why I had to bring that up, but that's what she was doing, yeah I think that's that's why that came in.
Christy :Whenever I went to those meetings, there was was hey, you know, um, I'm here on a helping hand, like, and that's all I could say is that, like I, you know, I'm, I'm here for my ex, like this is weird, right, but as he's getting, as he's getting better, my wall started coming down and I was like dang, because they built so high after us breaking up that that, and I don't even think that that's what he wanted in that moment. Anyway, because he's ready to move forward and I'm like I'm still right here. Hold on, right, you know.
Larry :But You're in recovery and he wasn't, so you were wanting to move forward with recovery.
Christy :Yeah.
Larry :You didn't want to have to take care of another alcoholic during your recovery.
Christy :Right, so then. So then, in that it was, it was definitely hard Cause most of our conversations, obviously I could tell that he was drinking, I could tell that, you know, he started getting irritable and the conversations became shorter and shorter and shorter, which was fine in that moment, but, um, but I needed to kind of step away a little bit for yourself, yeah, and then kind of just see, you know like, dang, this is, this is what you didn't want, this is what you didn't want, you know.
Christy :But once he got sick and he went to the hospital, I was like, oh my gosh, okay, we've gotten to this point.
Rob:But she is a caretaker also.
Christy :Yes.
Larry :Yes, enabler.
Rob:Kind of yeah, yeah, it's our character defect.
Christy :It depends on how you use it. I'm the same way. Yeah, I'm the same way. I remember like that's drinking and stuff and I knew like if he was here visiting and I came home he was already going to be drunk. So by the time I got home I just I just drank until I was just I all those hatred and mad and everything else just came out hate drinking yeah, yep, fuck you drinking, yeah, mad at a man, yeah, no, yeah, it was fucking
Christy :drinking yeah, no, that's exactly what it was, until it just got too far, like where I'm like hey, like I'm gonna come burn down that lady's house, I swear you. You know, pulling up on her lawn and shit, like a crazy person, like this is like what. And I, and I looked back and I'm like I'm not, I'm not doing this, I'm not doing this, but uh, so I separated myself but when, right before he got sick or whatever, we kind of started just chit-chatting. You know how you doing all of that, but yeah, ever since that, We'll get back into that story when we have Blake on here, right.
Larry :So let's talk about where you're at with your mom right now.
Christy :Where I'm at with my mom right now. Oh, um, okay. So uh, right now, um, we're not on talking terms. Okay, I, um, I sent uh my son to go with his aunt um in Oklahoma and kind of give him a different opportunity, because there's certain things that he can learn. There's a pond 40 feet outside his back door. He's helping his uncle work on the truck, he's riding horses and going to rodeos. There's so many things that I can't give him while he's here that he needs to see before he slips into bad habits and which I I know a lot about you know, so it's like, hey, like I want to stop this he's your age when you got pregnant exactly, so I have to, like I have to, um, grab the bull by its horns, really, because super smart.
Rob:I'm gonna be right because when bonnie everybody knows my wife when she graduated high school she was right. They sent her to oklahoma.
Christy :Rodney butler, her older cousin, lived in oklahoma, had a place and they sent her back there to oklahoma to get miracle that saved her life really yeah oh, yeah, see yeah, and and it's been a lot, because you know, he's so angry right now and that's one of the things that I'm, that I'm working through right now is that his, his anger towards me for doing this. Um, he's not going to see it until he's older, but, um, but it comes with. There's no ill will in that, you know. There's no, there's no sour thought of why, you know, I didn't. He, you know he says, like all these things, like, oh, you know, it's just because you couldn't handle it. And I'm like, well, if I think about it, it's not the things that I can't handle, it's what I can't give you at this point.
Christy :And if I could give you these opportunities in different forms and me not personally do it. That's okay too, as long as you're getting these opportunities.
Rob:And there it is, as you grow up, people listen when your parents and these kids if there's any kids listen. You get a moment to make a decision. You get a just like with your daughter.
Christy :You've got a moment, yep, to change a life, to try to, yeah, and that's you got to do what you got to do and I think, like out of like I, I didn't do that for the first one, you know, and the second one I gave up for adoption. So this one I'm like'm like hey, like I really have to do something for him because I haven't been there for any of the other ones. Like I have to be there for him and he may not see that now and that's perfectly fine, but I know that I'm doing the best that I can with what I have given and that's all I can do. So right now, like that with my mom, she, um, she definitely doesn't agree with my decision, but um, but growing up also, I had so much freedom, but then I have trauma with that freedom.
Larry :Absolutely.
Christy :So what I'm trying to avoid, you know, is him having so much trauma from his freedom you know, for his freedom and so it's.
Christy :it's a little bit um different. But yeah, we're not on talking terms. Um, I kind of just told her, you know, like, hey, if just leave me alone, because there's every moment that she can where she's saying something negative but it's not going to, I can't let it affect me because I know and I stand by my decision that at whatever point, as a grandma, you have to know your role. You are a grandma, but it's hard for her to switch that because she was also a second parent for my other kids.
Christy :So it's kind of turning off that switch, but with that I can't control on how she, how she thinks, you know you're making these decisions on a sober brain, sober mind, sober state of mind right.
Larry :To where you didn't have that sober state of mind. Right, right, you didn't have that with the other two.
Christy :Right.
Larry :You have that with this.
Christy :And Christyy understands that, but mama don't right right and that's, and that's a hard thing too is because you kind of just want. I don't know.
Christy :For me, I wanted my mom's approval absolutely you know and um, and just to hear that I, that she's proud of me, which hasn't been um a thing, you know, and it, and it's very hard to um, um, to say that you know, even though, like whatever, she might even listen. You know, but, but, um, but there's nothing I could do or change anything that has happened. I just have to make sure that I don't make those same choices, whether her decisions were right or wrong, or what she felt in that moment, even if it's something different than what she has chosen. I have to do it because I have to do what I have to do, and she's going to either respect it or it's not. But then that goes into sobriety too. I can't worry about what other people think.
Larry :I was just going to ask you that what other people think about us.
Rob:No, and it comes back to.
Larry :That is, you had to make a decision based off of your sobriety, because that had to put a little bit of a strain on your sobriety.
Christy :Right, right.
Rob:But it wasn't made in a cipher either. No, no, no, that's my point.
Christy :We've been pondering on this for two years on sending him to Oklahoma. But every single chance I'm like, nope, I'm not ready. Nope, I'm not ready. But this time I'm like you know what, like I can't give this to you. But you know, she messaged me a few things and it was like, hey, no matter what you put me through, I never gave up on you.
Rob:Oh, I see.
Christy :I said but you did. And she said how. And I said because you gave in. Right and what is the difference between giving in and and um?
Christy :giving up and giving up, you know, and that and that's that's a hard thing is that, um, I'm not giving, I'm not giving up, I'm not giving in and I'm not going to be part of what is yet to come. If he continues this path. I can't be a part of that. But I mean, we want. I watched my oldest one, you know, struggle and he's in active addiction right now and you know it's just so hard to watch that and I don't know if a knock on the door is going to be an officer telling me that he's no longer with us. It's the hardest thing to figure see that, you know, or feel that or worry about that, you know. But I have to make sure that it doesn't happen for the next and if I see patterns and everything else, I have to make appropriate changes so that the outcome is no longer an option.
Rob:And you loved him enough to let him go. You know that's tough.
Larry :I'm going to ask him a question, and I don't mean this to be a mean one Do you feel like you made a geographical change for him?
Christy :Okay, so for that I feel like there's going to be for geographical change, I think in sobriety is kind of just different because you are going to follow, Right.
Christy :But as a young child there's a difference between an older geographical change, Right, and getting to that moment right before they start thinking that they have control over their life and everything else. We're kind of at a half and half where he thinks that he has control so much. But if I let him take it and I told him this, you know, a year back, I was like, hey, I said you know, average lifespan 75. I said if I give you control, you're not making it to 75. That's where me as a mom needs to step in to help you get to 75, because at this point, right now, you won't make it till you're 18.
Christy :And that was because of the direction, because of the direction and and, and I don't want, I don't want to see another kid struggle. I've done enough of that for me. You know what I mean? Um, to be a part of that. I can't be a part of it again. And if I just let it go and let him and give in, then that's where we're going, but that's the place that I choose not to have as an option. I'm not doing that. And there's certain things, like as I was growing up to like I, I don't know I ended up using with my mom and it was kind of a thing where, like she was leaving drugs on the top drawer so I could go to school and everything else. So it's like that's what I meant by giving in is because, instead of trying to battle the thing of like hey, this isn't good here, here, this is broke the chain.
Larry :Yeah, you broke the chain.
Christy :And that's exactly what I, what I'm trying to follow through with doing. So it doesn't matter the comments or anything like that, and I'd hate to say that on. You know what I mean on the podcast but facts are facts and these are. This is what it is, you know, but it was definitely hard, rather than you know seeing. Okay, well, no, honey, drugs are bad.
Blake :Right.
Christy :You know, and it was like hey, you know where, where we had a drug dealer, um, in the kitchen counter and as he's just talking shit about me, he's mad about whatever, and he's just my mom's sitting there going yeah, yep, yep, yep, she's a bitch and he's just pouring out more, and it was like I was like what in the fuck? So I went in there and I swiped it all off the kitchen table. I said what now, bitch? And? And then that was, that was it. But it was like those battles right there are so hard to look back and go dang, like I'm not giving in, like that, I'm not going to do it, I refuse to do that.
Larry :Good for you.
Christy :Because of how I felt. Like yeah, and I said that too. I said you know, she said, oh, she's going to think that you're just giving them away and everything else. And I said no, that's not even it. I said he can think whatever he wants, because a child's perspective is going to be off no matter what. And I said, and I thought you were the greatest mom in the whole world because you were giving me drugs. But at what point is there a realistic thought in there?
Rob:I mean, what keeps us clean is not the result, what keeps us clean is our motive in the moment. Right, I mean you're doing it out of love, right?
Christy :And for her to be doing that. I understand I was a difficult child. There was no way around that and I feel like that was her only option in that moment. So I don't blame her for that and I can't think about all the things that you know we went through or what we could have should have done again, you know, but I have to learn from those Like they're all lessons, you know, whether they're even be mine or somebody else's or seeing that I see that we're going to repeat them Right If we don't learn from them.
Larry :We repeat them Right Because they're seeing that I see that If not, we're going to repeat them Right.
Christy :If we don't learn from them, we repeat them Right.
Rob:I'm proud of you kid, that's tough.
Larry :Yeah, very, very. That had to be a tough decision.
Rob:It's funny that you said that, because that's where Bonnie went back to Oklahoma with Rodney and by the pond there was a pond they go fishing and she came back and she's yeah, change of perspective, that's not change. Of that's to me and the reason why I asked you that as a child, she got away from this right, right, I got to see something other, right, I mean.
Larry :And then they're just having.
Rob:It's not just this right, they're not just behind these four walls of this house the child isn't running, the child is going for no, no, no, I know, and there's a reason why I asked that and the reason why I asked that obviously came up.
Larry :It's not a geographical change, because I can hear some of the listeners going well, they just made a geographical change.
Christy :No, it wasn't yeah, it was not. I've had a few people say that too as well, and and yeah, that's apples and oranges a thousand percent yeah, but if, yeah, if you do that, as you're an adult, you know and you have, you know, responsibilities and everything else, so you make that geographic change, you will follow yep, and you take you with you right and he can, as a young boy, take that with him. But he has that opportunity to make it something better absolutely, absolutely.
Larry :He doesn't have the saddle of everything else. He might stay there fishing's great, yeah, right yeah, so we'll see what just kidding what, what comes, but yeah I how are you?
Christy :today. I am blessed at a girl. I'm blessed we have uh that bingo today and you're still, you stay pretty involved I do I feel, like I have to um, but with um with service man, that that kept me sober for for a while, and you're good at it.
Christy :Yeah, I like, I like being um. You know that that personality coming through like hey, you know, I was really afraid of like not having fun in sobriety. I was like oh, you know what, well, I'll just plan the parties Like you know, and and so that's kind of where it went, but, um, but, yeah, so I, I, I I stay super involved in that and uh, and then today I just got my first uh sponsee that's awesome, nice, let me know yeah, yeah, I definitely I was gonna text you.
Christy :I was like, oh, he's recording, so but but yeah, there's just certain things that don't throw them out of your house like I did yeah, that are, that are coming my way right. But yeah, no, they always say like wait for the miracle, and I think my miracle is my perspective.
Larry :Oh, I like that.
Christy :Like it's my whole way of thinking has changed completely Certain little things that would just irritate me. I'm like, oh, oh, you're in a hurry. Oh, let me pull over because you need to go. You seem like you're in a hurry, you know.
Rob:Isn't it amazing? And your time was obviously more valuable than mine. Let me get out of your way.
Larry :Yeah, it's that 10th step that we go through all the time Spiritual fitness Right, and one of the things, literally, blake and I just finished this up it's like your thought process as things happen.
Larry :You know, and I've told you guys the Home Depot story where you know I was four months, four months sober and just just literally right out of doing my steps and this lady at Home Depot just wasn't working as fastly as I want her and I ripped her a new ass right there in the middle of the store and I did a 10 step. Oh, immediately, just immediately, just immediately. And I was like you did not deserve that. I am so sorry she goes. No, no, it's okay, no, it's not okay, it's not. Nobody needs to be spoken to like that and but this is what we do, right, our perspectives, like you just said, our change, that god consciousness we get prior to me getting sober and prior to me I'd have fucking walked right out and never even bothered me the rest of the day you've been proud of yourself, man.
Larry :She learned a lesson right there yeah, drank a few on the way home and never even thought about her again.
Rob:Why that?
Larry :poor girl's home, you know, crying, crying because of some asshole ripped her an ass it. So, yeah, it's, that whole change of perspective is the miracle.
Christy :It really is, I think too, with well being that he just completed his steps also, that I see changes too. And I always told myself I'm like you know what, like I can't date a normie, like that's just probably not going to be a thing. And I was thinking I'm like dang, I really got to have somebody like in the program to kind of match me on my levels of of just listening, you know, and just in that moment I just I realized in these last couple of weeks I'm like dang, like together our communication is just so much better. So I'm glad that I'm able to see that and what I know. But yeah, I'm glad that I'm able, I'm glad that I'm able to see that and actually see the changes, because before me, being sober, I wouldn't have been able to see the little things, the little things that add up to great things.
Larry :He had a good sponsor.
Christy :Yeah, yeah, he did, he did.
Rob:Oh, I'm not going to doubt that he probably did because of his grand sponsor, his grand sponsor was awesome.
Christy :Yeah, look at that. Yeah, so it's been, it's been a blessing.
Larry :I'm so happy for you, christine. I'm so, I'm so thankful that you came on today. I was mad at you guys at 855, when nobody was responding, but you know, it worked out. We got to do Rob's birthday and I'm so blessed that you came in and told us your story. It's a great story. You know what? As I said in my prayer, we do this so other people don't die, right. It's why we do this. It's the reason why that 12-step is there.
Larry :We step out and help other people for multiple reasons it's A, to keep us sober and two, that we can possibly help another soul right and for you guys coming on and Blake, I will hopefully come back and tell his story.
Christy :On your 90 days.
Larry :About 90 days would be perfect and that's why we do this right and your story will save somebody, and thank you so much for coming on, and that's God's time and that's God's person.
Rob:We'll let God handle that, absolutely. Thank you. Anything else you so much for coming on. That's God's time, that's God's person, we'll let God handle that Absolutely.
Larry :Thank you. Anything else you want to say? I'm not cutting you off, no, you're doing pretty good. I'm very, I'm very, very happy that you came on and told your story. You did it very well. That's the other thing about this platform. You probably told your story in a meeting somewhere, but you don't get to get into details, right. You got 35 or 40 minutes to tell your story.
Rob:But look, how fast would you do the steps, how fast God moved.
Larry :Right. Right Once that work, just like Nathan once that work is done, oh good, it's good grief. The promises just come, and you don't want to hear from those old timers.
Rob:Well, you didn't get sick overnight, you're not going to get well, Shut the fuck up Right. You don't know the steps, you don't know God. Shut up, old timer.
Christy :Right.
Larry :I am idiots. Anyways, if you want to reach out to Christy recoveryunfilteredpodcastgmailcom, Reach out, I'll get you in touch with her. I I guarantee. If there's any women out there that want some help and want to have questions, anything Chrissy would be more than happy to help.
Rob:Remind me to say something off the air, cause I don't want to slam people.
Larry :It's unfiltered. No no it'll be the other way around.
Rob:Anyways, I don't want to offend anybody because it will offend.
Larry :Fuck them. No, no, no. Oh, anyways, christy, thank you so much, thank you. Thank you for having me, blake, thank you. Oh, thank you. I'm glad you came into my life. Oh, appreciate that, all right. Recoveryunfilteredpodcastgmailcom. Recoveryunfilteredpodcastgmailcom. Thank you for joining us today. We hope you learned something today that will help you If you did not come back next week, and we'll try again.
Rob:If you like what we heard, give us a five-star review. If you don't like what you heard, kiss my ass. I can't say that, can you? Anyway, if you don't like what you heard, go ahead and tell us that too. We'll see what we can improve.
Larry :We probably won't change nothing, but do it anyway and hopefully something will be different and something will sink in. Take care, this has been Recovery, unfiltered.