Recovery Unfiltered

Breaking the Cycle of Relapse: Faith Over Fear

• Rob N Larry • Season 4 • Episode 60

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Ever wonder what truly protects us from relapse? It's not white-knuckling through triggers or avoiding life's challenges – it's something far more powerful.

The conversation dives deep into the nature of fear in recovery, specifically the fear of relapse that haunts many on the sobriety journey. Through candid personal stories and powerful insights from both recovery literature and lived experience, we explore how faith serves as the antidote to fear. As one participant powerfully states, "Faith means courage. All men of faith have courage, not fear."

We unpack the crucial distinction between merely believing in recovery and having genuine faith – the kind that requires action. "You believed that chair would hold your weight, but you didn't have any faith until you put your ass in it." This practical wisdom extends to when someone is ready to sponsor others, challenging conventional timeframes and focusing instead on spiritual awakening through working the steps.

Perhaps most powerfully, we explore the concept of finding "serenity to match calamity." True peace isn't the absence of life's storms but the ability to remain centered within them. Through unexpected encounters with past resentments and opportunities for spontaneous amends, we see how recovery offers not just sobriety but a transformative way of navigating life's challenges.

Whether you're new to recovery or have years of sobriety, this conversation offers fresh perspectives on overcoming fear, building faith, and finding peace regardless of external circumstances. Join us for insights that might just transform how you view your recovery journey.

Thank You for Joining Us.. Please share with friends. If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcoholism please reach out to us. We can get you help. recoveryunfilteredpodcast@gmail.com

SPEAKER_01:

Why am I always the one

SPEAKER_00:

praying? Can he pray for us? No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01:

Catholic.

SPEAKER_00:

I know I'm not good at just making up on the fly. All I know is like Hail Marys. Don't do that. I can

SPEAKER_01:

do 10 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers and be out of confession in about three and a half minutes.

SPEAKER_00:

No. Pray the same, please. You can do it.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. Amen. Let's go to work. What was wrong with that? I don't know. I don't know. Robert, we're back. What's happening, buddy? Hey. Hey, you need to look at you drinking out of your mug, pretending with your pinky out. Let's talk about your week last week. Stop getting into my alcohol refrigerator over there. What week? Your week that you had last week. Last week

SPEAKER_00:

or

SPEAKER_01:

last week? Last week when I went to Nevada? Your last three weeks that you had. Hey, you know what? It's very rare that I call you and you are exhausted. Nope, you're right. Very, very rare. That was the first time, I think. we literally were talking about you last night because you're we still think that a lot of the meth that you did back in high school that you're still you're still infused with some of it you know what

SPEAKER_00:

I think like when I when I well I'm

SPEAKER_01:

actually surprised you think but

SPEAKER_00:

I never get over 180 pounds Jim but when I like if I try to lean down like I do sometimes I'll get on just a clean diet I don't eat dirty anyway really and I think like if I lose a little bit of fat all that meth comes back out get another hit get another hit

SPEAKER_01:

and go So that's why we need video. Cause you really need to see his facial expressions. His powdered accelerant comes flying back at him.

SPEAKER_00:

So talk to us about your last two weeks. Last two weeks. Well, where I was up at two 30 every morning, two weeks ago, every day of a Brad's place. And then, uh, well, then we had to drive. I had to go get my, so that was just this bullshit. This is where God

SPEAKER_01:

struck him.

SPEAKER_00:

He got going. So fire him up. Uh, one of my boss, I got two bosses. One of you says, Hey, we're going to go to Canada to look at a hot plant. Do you have your passport? No. I got to get your passport. Okay. So I start looking for it. Okay. You know, you can, you can fast pass it if you go to a post office, but it was like three weeks. So I was trying to get, I don't want to go to Canada. So I'm trying to get out of it everywhere I can. So I go back. Hey, it, you know, because he wants me to fly out that next Wednesday that we, you know, the, this, this was Thursday, Wednesday. So I can't do it. We're both bosses are there. And Hey, three weeks. So I can do, that's the best they can do. And he goes, well, you, you know, you go to, cause he said the same, shit. I said

SPEAKER_01:

the same.

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He goes, you can go to San Francisco and you can get it that day. I said, yeah, but I'm not driving a fucking Frisco and I'm not paying 300 bucks out of my pocket. And then my boss, the other, but the big boss looked as well. You drive a company vehicle. It's our gas. We'll reimburse you for your parking. We'll reimburse you for their, I was like, I flipped him off. Fuck the both of you. Off I go. The next day, the kid too.

SPEAKER_01:

And he calls me, he calls me and he's in traffic. Right. And I'm like,

SPEAKER_00:

well, I didn't know. Okay. I went at Jim. I went there at 9. Okay. Okay, I got there early. And I figured I'd have to wait a couple hours for them to do it. Did all that. Okay, Mr. Thomas, come back at 3 p.m. I'm like, I got to sit in this. And I used to love Frisco. Until Gavin Newsom did what Gavin Newsom did to it. Anyway, again, not political. That

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building is a shithole too.

SPEAKER_00:

So I'm there, just sitting in my truck eating almonds and drinking water. No

SPEAKER_01:

Cheetos?

SPEAKER_00:

No Cheetos.

SPEAKER_01:

That's you.

SPEAKER_00:

Just listening. And then I got to go from there to where I had to go to one of my plants because one of our cheetos. actually one of us her son had his appendix rupture so she's in the hospital so we're trying to fill in our waymasters which i can do almost everything been there long enough so i got to go back to work after that all day there then go work a night shift to run run scales i'm pissed off i'm hungry when i get that my my kryptonite is hangry oh yeah that that's that so i'm he's upset i'm upset i hit the altamont and i grab up my what was i upset

SPEAKER_01:

about

SPEAKER_00:

uh coaching oh yeah you're leaving i forgot about that yeah so we're we're not we're not really we're not really helping each other we're just fueling the fucking fire i crack my energy drinks i'm in traffic it goes all over my nuts i'm just sitting there just trying to laugh sit it down you know and then he goes you need to go to in and out

SPEAKER_01:

burger i told him exactly how to get in because trust me i used to be 420 pounds there ain't a fucking hamburger in this valley that i don't know where to get it

SPEAKER_00:

and i know where every in and out burgers yeah

SPEAKER_01:

and i told him where to get off how to get there exactly how long it was going to take him i said it's going to take you 16.5 get in there get your a couple of hamburgers. And I said, even get you a second one because he was going to have to work all night. I said, get you a second one that you can heat up in the microwave for your, for your lunch. Did he listen to me?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I went in the wrong way. Excited. I've never been in that. You

SPEAKER_01:

didn't go the way I fucking told you. That's why.

SPEAKER_00:

I went into the In-N-Out Burger the wrong way. And I looked at the lights. I only had so much time to get to there, get the fire, commuter fired up, you know, get the trucks, tear it in. Like, fuck it, you ain't going to make it. And there was a wreck. So I went down Grant Line, missed the wreck. I go, I'll go to In-N-Out Burger, which is on Kettleman Lane in Lodi. It's real close. I get there. That line's fucking long. There's no one at Cane's Chicken. And I don't eat fast food much. I go, fuck, I'll just go get me some chicken. So I get chicken.

SPEAKER_01:

This is the best part.

SPEAKER_00:

Keep going. I'm driving to the plant. I got the chicken right between the chicken. I'm just eating. I got two. It wasn't bad chicken. And there's some bitch ahead of me. Stupid bitch. And I knew what she was going to do. I could tell there's two guys behind me. I could tell because there's two lanes and they go two lanes. I could tell she wants to go to the McDonald's. So she's going to cut me off. Luckily, I dodged her. Didn't let them, you know, the guy behind me gave me a thumbs up because slick ass driving, but I had to goose it a little bit. Where do you think my food went? The fucking back. I got the second piece of chicken that I had. Half the energy drink still there because I'm so fucking pissed. I just threw that fucker down and get to work.

SPEAKER_01:

Worked all night hangry. You got shit out. In-N-Out should be your sponsor because when I was driving up here, he tells me, where you at? And I told him, well, just pull off here and take this highway and you can get it in and out and i said the lines are always too long i'm not oh no if you could turn

SPEAKER_00:

here but if you walk into it in and out if you go actually go inside we always get seats inside oh right but i've never been in one

SPEAKER_01:

but i'm gonna tell you right now it was so funny people used to make fun of me back when i was driving truck right people would ask me they'd call me my name was lunch bucket on the cb back because i used to carry a big ice chest in the middle of my seats i had a peterbilt and it sat right in between my seats and it was a big one it wasn't a little lunch box it was a big ass one people would get in there and make sandwiches because my wife would she wouldn't just make sandwiches she would give me a loaf of bread she'd give me you know she'd have everything to make sandwiches in there but my brother would get up in there make him a sandwich people other people thought it was okay so they just get up there make themselves salmon so i got nicknamed lunch bucket so and i was 400 some pounds i was a big bastard and people would ask me hey larry where can i get eat here and i'd tell them exactly where to stop and eat i'd anywhere in fact when i'd look at my dispatch of a morning i'd say okay i'm gonna do that load then i'm gonna stop and get food here Just the same way as I did my alcohol

SPEAKER_00:

later on in life. Dave's Hot Chicken.

SPEAKER_01:

Later on in life, I did the same damn thing, right? With booze. 450 pounds. I got there for a reason, and it was food addiction. And then I got rid of my food addiction and changed it out for alcohol addiction. Thank you, Mr. Gastric Bypass.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah. Did you hear that swallow? That was a good one. That was a good one. I'm going to leave that one in. Leave that in there. Okay, okay. Now, so Tuesday of this week, or this last week, I show up because Wednesday we're supposed to go to Canada well apparently I said I come in in the afternoon so I'd go around all the other plants and he goes hey plans changed I said we're not going to Canada nope tomorrow we're going to go going to Ely in Nevada E-L-Y I think that's Eli but we said it's pronounced Ely okay so get up early drive eight hours to the middle of nowhere I mean middle of fucking I mean no one I mean there's not on the way to somewhere I mean that's a good place to be from apparently but there's nothing there and then when We got there late in the evening, ate, went to sleep, woke up six in the morning, went out, checked out a plant for three hours, and then drove back. Just 16 hours. I mean, it was, yeah. My wife just wiped me

SPEAKER_01:

out. Then you took your daughter to college.

SPEAKER_00:

Then I took my daughter to college yesterday. So

SPEAKER_01:

when I talked to Rob yesterday afternoon and asked if he was going to go to dinner with us, I heard this. Hello? I'm like, yeah, you ain't going to dinner with us. He was done. Well, what was good is I paid for dinner because Rob said I had to. That was your shot. Yeah. Get in. another one. It's funny as we went to breakfast yesterday. Where'd you guys eat at? We went to Las Consuelos there in Modesto. New one.

SPEAKER_00:

Did you get that mocajete? Oh yeah. He always gets that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, Katie and I did. And what's funny is we went to breakfast yesterday. I paid for breakfast and I looked at it. I said, yeah, I got breakfast because you're getting dinner and it's more expensive. And I'll guarantee you Brad and Grace was with us. So he paid a lot more for dinner.

SPEAKER_00:

So you met Brad?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I met Brad. I met Brad at breakfast and at dinner.

SPEAKER_00:

So he's the four. I was just be the foreman his the plant he's the foreman that so i when i got to the that's where i was going to run the scales so when i got there i threw my fucking doors open the truck start throwing chicken out because it was all in the back throwing the sauce out throwing the french fries out the animals can have that shit so the next day he comes in and yeah because he went back on the camera he goes hey is your door okay i said what he goes is the door on your pickup okay i'm worried about it because after i threw all that shit out i grabbed the door and just slammed the fuck out of it which i rarely do i mean it's it's rare that i mean i don't but it I mean, that shit, when it boils up, it's going to come out somehow. And either I could rip a truck driver's head off, which probably would have happened, or my loader man or something just snap at somebody, or I could just beat the door up real quick.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Get the chicken out of my

SPEAKER_01:

fucking truck. Hey, I got a question, though, about the passport. Why didn't you have a passport? You just went to Canada about, what, three

SPEAKER_00:

months ago? He didn't go with us. I didn't go with him. Oh, you didn't go? It was him and Jay. Oh, the

SPEAKER_01:

height

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requirement. That's my twin that you saw in the picture. He didn't meet the height requirement. Yeah,

SPEAKER_01:

who was it? There was three

SPEAKER_00:

of you in the picture. It was Jason. He just looks like me.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I know. I thought it was you. No. No, them two looked just like. So I was wondering what you did with your passport. No. You just were lying to your bosses. I didn't want to rat you out on air, but lying to your bosses, you didn't have one. Hey, so I want to talk about a couple things. You brought a topic. Hit us with it. Well, which one? About the relapse? Yeah. Yeah, I was thinking, you know, like, well, me personally, I mean, it's all of us. I shouldn't say me personally. We're all scared of relapse and not scared, but relapse is... If you ain't thinking about it... It's something on your mind. Is it really? I think... Do you not, after all these years, you don't ever... That's not ever like... It wasn't my problem. No, no, no, no. I think you're missing the question. That never comes up like, fuck, I hope I never do that, right? Well, listen, we live day to day, right? We're only... I mean, I thank God for my sobriety

SPEAKER_00:

every day. So do I. Every day.

SPEAKER_01:

But when I see somebody of 15 years of sobriety and 20-some years of sobriety go back out... What would they do? doing before that. And you're a thousand percent right. The guy speaking up that when I, when we went up to Maynard's, the guy had five years and he's back in there.

SPEAKER_00:

Now, if I'm not, if I'm not going to meetings, if I quit talking to God, if I quit praying, like those, you know, quit working with others, those, the big three that people do when they go back out. Cause I, I, I interrogate everybody, Jim, from the time I was a day sober till now. What happened? I don't care. I like the guy that I started. He did the same thing. I started sponsoring the gentleman and he, we started, like I said, started step work on Saturday. Right. Sunday, he was drunk until 30. He called me Thursday. Then I, you You know, we finally call back. So we started step work. You drank the next day. Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't want to hear fucking sorry. I'm trying to help the next guy. What happened? Oh, well, I had been smoking pot. And then, oh, the marijuana maintenance program. Let's talk about that. And then it wasn't working for him because he's an alcoholic, you know, but it was curing this. He thought, oh, I can have a couple. Oh, I go. So you said those three words when he guessed the three words. I've got this.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And no, you don't got it. So the marijuana maintenance program when he tried. Didn't work. Started drinking again. Okay, so now I can help the next person.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and I'm with you. I agree that alcohol's not our problem, right? It's our character flaws. That's where I'm terrified, is not relapsing with the alcohol, because that was a symptom I was covering my bullshit with. Right.

SPEAKER_00:

You're talking

SPEAKER_01:

about... I'm scared of my character flaws coming back. My behaviors.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, that's what... That's where I was the biggest prick. We never get rid of all of them, but why... We never get rid of all of our character behavior. Your character defects, they'll If you keep working on them like the 10th step talks about, God will smooth them. The rough edges. We're never going to be perfect. However, you get some faith. Because it's fear. The 12 by 12 says all of our character defects, the catalyst is self-centered pride or self-centered fear is what it is. Pride and ego equals fear. Fear equals pride and ego. Same thing. I have a buddy named Jason because we talked about this.

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I was waiting for you to bring this one

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up. Well, because I have a paper here, Jim, because I was bored of one of these stupid fucking AA meetings that I go to all these years And I had written down every word fear is used in the big book. Never is there a healthy fear. It doesn't allow for that. Neither does the Bible. The Bible allows for one fear, fear of the Lord. And it's not a reverent awe. It's not. The word is fucking fear in the Greek. The word is fear in the Hebrew. Fear. Get over that. So

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in

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the big book, it doesn't allow for that either. We have to be fearless, right? It's an evil and corroding thread. We outgrow it, the big book says. So my buddy Jason, I said, he goes, why, why, why, why? I have a healthy fear of snakes. I said, really? You know, Dave's a pretty tough kid. I said, so I go grab a gopher snake and hold it up to you. You're going to run away like a bitch? He says, no, no, but a rattlesnake I would. I go, why? He goes, because it can kill you. Oh, death is the fear. It just manifests itself as a rattlesnake. Let's get some faith, like the big book talks about, working on that death problem. The snake will disappear, I promise you. Well, I have a healthy fear of relapse. I said, really? Or a healthy fear of alcohol. I said, really? Why? He goes, I don't want I want to go back to being the man that I was. Oh, relapse is the fear then, Jason. It's just looking like a bottle of Jack Daniels. Let's get some faith. Let's get some God working on that relapse fear. That bottle will disappear. Mine did. If you go to page 64, Jim, like I'm about to. You see his book?

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Yeah.

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It's

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destroyed.

SPEAKER_00:

Those are pamphlets. I apologize. I'm going to go to page 62. It says... So our troubles, wrong one.

SPEAKER_01:

They're out of order. They're out of order. Here, you want my book? It's in order. It's not in order. His is still put together. Mine was in order. You got to get a picture of

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that. It says, perhaps there's a better way. This is what you're talking about. There's the problem. Perhaps there's a better way. We think so. For now, we're on a different basis. The difference of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. we are in the world to play the role he assigns just as to the extent that we do as we think he would have us and humbly rely upon him. Here's what Larry's favorite part. Does he enable us to match calamity with serenity? That's, that's, we never apologize to anyone for depending upon our creator. We can laugh at those that think spirituality, the way weakness paradoxically is a way of strength. The verdict of the ages, Jim faith means courage. All men of faith have courage, not fear. When it crops up, we ask God. They trust their God. We never apologize to God. Instead, we let him demonstrate through us what he can do. That's a prayer. We ask God. We ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear, like a child being afraid of the dark. Not that fears don't crop up. The 10th step says, we continually watch for resentment, selfishness, dishonesty, and fear. When these crop up, not if, we ask God to remove them at once, and then we do these four things. Five things, actually. You know, that help us. But you can't stay in that because we'll make a bad decision. Any decision you make based on fear, guilt, shame, remorse is a bad decision. Absolutely wrong. I've never seen it any other way. And that's an absolute. So, if you have a fear... whether it's relapse, character defects, which character defect are you afraid of? Whichever one. Put it on paper, take it to the Lord, and he's not going to ever snap it away. You pray for patients, you're going to be on an airplane for 10 hours with a crying fucking baby. Whatever it is, he's going to give you opportunity to strengthen that area of your life.

SPEAKER_01:

One time I heard you say faith without, I mean, it says right in the book, faith without works is dead.

SPEAKER_00:

James 2. But I

SPEAKER_01:

put that together because Cause I started thinking back when I was out there drinking, I would sit there with a bottle of Jack. Here it comes.

SPEAKER_00:

That a boy. Yeah. Good choice. God sponsored. Take this away. You know, make me not drink this. Oh,

SPEAKER_01:

you didn't. Well, the action is I got to put that bottle away.

SPEAKER_00:

You cannot, don't pray for a hole while you're leaning on a shovel.

SPEAKER_01:

I had faith. There was God and I had faith. He could help me, but I wasn't willing to do any action.

SPEAKER_00:

You had belief. Belief always precedes face. You had belief that that chair would hold your weight and But you didn't have any faith until you put your ass in it. Trust is action. Faith and trust equal action. Belief is just belief. We believed in God, but we never put any trust in him. We put our trust in ourselves. We put our trust in the booze. Because I guarantee you, and you had more faith in that chair. I saw you walk in. You didn't check the wheels. You didn't kick the motherfucker or nothing. You just pulled out and sat in it. You exemplified more faith in that chair than most people will ever do in God. Why? That's our creator. It's tough, though. It's tough to start that walk, especially in our society. That's why it was belief, not faith. Yeah. That's why pain. And he didn't magically make it go away. You walk by a rock every day. It looks like a 200 pound boulder. I believe I can pick it up, but you keep walking. You believe it. The one day you grab a hold of that motherfucker and you lift it. The next time you come by, you have faith. I know I can. It's like God. I mean, and your faith will grow as you put it. Now, when we came in here full of fucking pain, right? We didn't want to let any of this. That bomb blew up. You try to kill it. You try to kill yourself. So anybody, everybody else would have to feel it. That's, you know, but I've been there. I know, I know. exactly what you're feeling. However, we never gave it to God. Look how far we were willing to go to not deal with it. But then once you were in enough pain to change, that's why human beings move at the speed of pain. We do. Alcoholics all the more. When the pain we're in becomes greater than our fear of change, we'll change. But never before. Until that pain threshold is met, we will stay there. Stay in the shit.

SPEAKER_01:

You can't use all your Rob-isms today. I apologize. No, I'll tell you why. Because I've been throwing them around in Denver and they think I'm smart. I'm throwing shit around and they're like, where did you come up with that? Well, I don't want to tell them it came from this guy.

SPEAKER_00:

So, if there's a fear... Do the same thing you did when you first got here. Either put it in a step form or just a verbal form. Like I'll call Larry. Hey, Larry, I got a fucking resentment. Who? This prick in a Prius that's driving ahead or whatever. All right. Because I want to be free of that resentment.

SPEAKER_01:

Now, the resentments I've been doing real good is the self. I don't want to say self-loathing. It's the shit I did. You

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know what? That's going to go. Hold on. Eventually, the guilt shame will start to go.

SPEAKER_01:

And it's getting better. That's that living amends. And you've heard me talk about that. that Jim several times and I mean I I struggled with that me too big time in the beginning I still struggle with it from time to time especially when my and I hold on a second I can't go any further what he just did a few minutes ago is the reason why I love that man beyond all measures and he he's got a way with words when it comes to this book and not only our big book but how he brings our bible the lord's words and this book together he just i literally sit here in amazement listen to you speak rob i really do but now that that little prick i have to say that because i have to go back in another another form that form is i gotta hate him for a minute because it's the only way we get along right but that that living in men's when rob when and you may have heard me say this and i've said it many times but after i'd done all my night steps and i did them fast right and i mean when i got those on paper i wanted to get that shit like i said when it when it started coming out of me i wanted it out i wanted it all out right i didn't want anything left in there so when i put my eights down and i was like nope i'm going tomorrow and i took the day off i did i called in i said i'm i'm going and i went after him And I got all of them done except for a couple. And the next day I went back after the rest of them. And I remember coming back. I was driving back from Roseville. And I remember I was right here on this road all the way back from Roseville. And I was coming down the road here to the house. And I called Rob. I'm like, dude, I've been thinking about this. But in all this stuff I've been going through, I feel great. But there's still one I don't know how to do. And that's myself. And he says, Larry, that's called a living amends to yourself the same way you got to do with your wife, your kids. That's just living amends as you go. through life, right? And it says that in our big book. It says as we go multiple times in that first 164, because as we go through this-

SPEAKER_00:

It's a process. It's a process. It's a continual process.

SPEAKER_01:

And as our good starts to get more and more in our lives, and the more we give to other alcoholics, the more we give ourselves to other people, the less of that I feel, right? When I start feeling that again, it's because I'm not giving this- stuff you know that God gave me gave us to give back it's because I haven't been giving it to another human being right that's when that other stuff starts coming into me and I'm like I gotta I gotta talk to somebody I gotta work with some I gotta do something right you know Doug said this just the other day we're in we were sitting in the men's group and on our Monday night and he looked at me and he's like I gotta I gotta get another sponsee right because we have to do it we have to give it away if we're not giving it away we start thinking that we're a piece of shit we start thinking about those old things that we did we start thinking about that we start thinking about self instead of thinking instead of giving it away and when we start thinking about self we're in trouble right and I do that's what I love about this program I love helping people and I love the ability to speak and honestly maybe that's why I hounded you guys because I wanted to get on I love to speak

SPEAKER_00:

and honestly here's the real reason I

SPEAKER_01:

was going to say it but he interrupted

SPEAKER_00:

here's the book here's what the book says about why we give it away to you you know and again why I don't think about the relapse because I've never Hold on.

SPEAKER_01:

Before you go on, I want to clarify that because I want to make sure. I do think about relapse. I do. I know what you guys mean.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. All right. So, Jim, it says this.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. I love his eyes lighting up. It's pamphlet,

SPEAKER_00:

man. For if an alcoholic, because yesterday I got a call from one of my brothers, a gentleman I had worked with, he had a year and a half sober, about where you were at, was at a casino, drunk, because this is what he didn't do. Right here. What page? This is bottom page 14, the bill story.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh. It

SPEAKER_00:

says, for if an alcoholic, which is everybody in this room except this young lady, failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work. How, Larry? Through work and self-sacrifice for others. And sometimes that others is damn sure the ones in your home, obviously. He could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. For it's just like that. That's That's why we work. Now, again, I know I enjoy. There's the greatest gift, as you were going to learn, sponsoring him. Some people like him, which is rare to get someone. Yeah, that would be tough. No, you're right. But the great part is, when I started doing it nine years ago, when I was like, why do I sponsor people this way? It's bullshit. Everything I do today, the reason I do it, well, God showed me. And I can not defend it, but it's right here. I don't add shit. It's all from here. But when you get a man like that, that's hungry. which I've been able to have a few, it's easy, but to watch the light come on and what I've been chasing with drugs, sex, everything, but that, trying to feel that. It's that drug. Yeah. It's amazing. And God gave it to me. And that's

SPEAKER_01:

what I chased for years.

SPEAKER_00:

But I know if I don't do these things, eventually, if I don't work. I didn't

SPEAKER_01:

like who I was. I didn't like that guy, so I chased everything. Right. Just to cover that son of a bitch up because I knew what a dirt ball he was inside. And just the opposite of that. But now I'm the opposite. Well, we can't, Rob, Bob read that over there is a calamity with serenity, right? That's what, that's serenity. That's what, when I said the other night, that's what these two rivers slamming together on the back of my arm. And that's, that's calamity and serenity. When I was in Maynard's, I, I hadn't, I was baffled by that. Baffled. I remember reading it multiple times and asking other people about it and understanding how, how can you have, I mean, think about this. You got a screaming baby. Next to you, Rob said it on a plane, you got a screaming baby on a 10-hour flight. How can you find your serenity sitting next to that? That's what that really means to me, whether it's job, stress, money, whatever it is. It's that screaming baby sitting next to you. Where do you find your serenity in the middle of all that,

SPEAKER_00:

right? In my identity, because my identity is in God now, not in myself. Well, let's go back to before we

SPEAKER_01:

found that, right? Oh, shit. For how we did it was with alcohol.

SPEAKER_00:

How I did it was with the stewardess. Get over here and get me some Jack Daniels. I'm going to choke. And

SPEAKER_01:

that's what I'm talking about. We didn't know how to deal with it. But when we got into these rooms of AA and we learned how to have that calamity and that serenity, the minute I found it, when those... Hmm.

UNKNOWN:

Hmm.

SPEAKER_01:

The minute I found it and I felt it, I was like, fuck me. I gotta have more of this. That's what he wanted. That was like taking my first drink of alcohol. And I'm like, I need more. I want every fucking ounce of that. Wherever that came from,

SPEAKER_00:

show me. And so what he was really asking for is, God, I want more of you. Less of me, less of whatever this is, and more of you.

SPEAKER_01:

But here's the thing, Rob. When you say that, I had God. Don't get me wrong. I didn't know I, I, I think there was so, I didn't know how to accept it. Right. I didn't know how to accept it. Right. I didn't understand what I, he kept trying to give it to me. Right. Give me beautiful daughters, gave me a beautiful house, gave me, gave me, gave me, gave me, gave me. He was giving me blessings and giving me blessings all my life. I didn't know where it was coming from, nor did I care. I prayed to him, but that was about it. I didn't know what that was, but when I felt it at that moment, I was like, yes, yes, come. I was baptized. I taught all that. Never felt it like I felt it at that moment. Right. And I feel the same way. I mean, when I realized I couldn't be alone with myself beforehand. I mean, if I sat in my head too long, I realized what I was doing wrong. So I'd go do it wrong again to make me feel better about myself. Like, well, I can't be this bad a person because that person willing to put up with me and that person. So I would go do it. Well, I got that too. And when I was in rehab, I started finding I could sit by myself. And that's honestly where this tattoo that says Peace Be Still came from is just sitting. But then I realized when I put that on there, it was about peace and it was about calm. But then as I've moved on and understood that, it's about faith and freedom. It's not about being quiet. It's not about calm and down. It's not about Jesus calm in the seas. It's about Jesus saying, don't you have faith? It doesn't matter if these waves topple us and you die. Have faith. You know where you're going.

SPEAKER_00:

See, that's what we talked about. I don't know if you heard the story. The only time God's ever talked to me was when I was going through cancer with the whole Bible and my son's story. But yeah, it's about having peace, having faith in the middle of calamity because you're going to be in calamity. Life's going to happen. Where is your foundation? Who is your anchor? If it's you on the pedestal like I had or Jack Day as it was me, I'm shaken. Yeah. Because I can't, I'm not equipped for it.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. And I think I was the same way. And I, I actually, I didn't get it obviously, but I said it in a meeting one day, I said, true serenity is not freedom from the storm. It's peace within the storm. And when I said that, this lady came up to me and gave me a medallion for my key chain that said that. And I was like, you don't have to give that to me. I didn't make that up. I read that somewhere. She said, no, but you give me this. And that's truly it. It's so when I was flying here to see you guys crying, baby on the plane screaming, going crazy. And I just read. I was just able to tune it out because a poor kid doesn't want to be up in a tin can either.

SPEAKER_00:

More like what you should do when you have a baby. Right before the plane takes off, give it a bottle. Helps with the ears. Before you start descending. And that's

SPEAKER_01:

what they used to do to me is give me a bottle before I took off and it calmed everything.

SPEAKER_00:

Wrong bottle. But you know how the ears pop? Before the plane descends, give the baby another of the bottle then his ears will all that because they don't know how to do it to themselves so here you go I guess

SPEAKER_01:

hey put this in you can't

SPEAKER_00:

you know what's in there maybe

SPEAKER_01:

some jack

SPEAKER_00:

it'll help you know your ears changing with elevation bubble gum yeah I tried changing my you don't give a baby bubble gum though

SPEAKER_01:

I tried to change my ears with so many bottles that the student said look I'm not coming back Jim where you ran out yeah we're in first class and I kept hitting the bell ding ding ding she finally said look I'm not going to keep doing this game here's about four or five you Let me know when you're done with these. And then I'll let you come at you. Turned and I said, ding. She said, I know you're not done that quick. So I'm close. Hey, so yeah, that was a good one. Something was brought up in Jim's story from last week. And I wanted to bring it up because I've actually thought about this before. I've heard Johnny O say this many times and that his sponsor told him to go out. And you are so fucking

SPEAKER_00:

weird. I took the mic over here so you couldn't hear me swallow.

SPEAKER_01:

You do have to have the pinky out. No, I don't have to. It's a fancy new mug. Anyways, you've heard Johnny O. Johnny O, when his sponsor told him when he only had like six or seven days and some guy asked him to sponsor him and he went to

SPEAKER_00:

his sponsor. His sponsor goes, Johnny, are you working with anybody? He's like, Lou,

SPEAKER_01:

is

SPEAKER_00:

his

SPEAKER_01:

sponsor.

SPEAKER_00:

I've only been sober six days. Well, tell him how you fucking got six days. That's the equivalent of working with somebody.

SPEAKER_01:

But do you really think somebody, so what you said is not sponsoring somebody right that's that's not sponsoring that to me that's

SPEAKER_00:

just carrying the message

SPEAKER_01:

that's carrying the message

SPEAKER_00:

the message the only message you have to carry at that time because you haven't had a spiritual awakening results of steps yet but what his sponsor is trying to tell him is get out of your fucking self because you're the problem get out of here and get into somebody else that's the solution

SPEAKER_01:

but one of the things i've never found in the book is and you said it before the before we started here at what point do you feel it's safe for somebody to to actually pick up and sponsor somebody

SPEAKER_00:

have you had a spiritual awakening awakening as a result of these steps. Okay. Period.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. Yeah. You have nothing

SPEAKER_00:

else to say about that. Carry the message.

SPEAKER_01:

You don't, you have no, like, well. In the first 64, the word sponsorship is not in there. I still ain't mature enough in this to sponsor another human being. You've got something they don't have. No. What does the book say? You don't know. Do you think I have a, so I'm going back to this. When I look at somebody else and I see the way they speak, I see the way they, what? Go ahead. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm going to tell you what the book says, not what Rob says. That's what

SPEAKER_01:

I'm trying to fucking get to. I said it twice. What does the book say?

SPEAKER_00:

Our book is meant to be suggestible. We realize we only know a little, but God will constantly disclose more to you and us. Ask him in your morning meditation what you can do for the man who is still sick. Right? The answers will come if your own house is in order. But obviously, you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See that your religion with him is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the great fact of us. So, if you've had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps, you have exactly the message what's bill say step 12 we tried to carry this message very specific what is this message i want to tell you you're going to hear rooms jim well i think the message tell that guy shut the fuck up because the author of the book who wrote that also tells us what the message is you go back to the end of the last page to the forward of the first edition it says this we of alcoholics anonymous are more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of body and mind to show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. So the message we're supposed to carry to the alcoholic when you come in, hey, you can recover from alcoholism. You can recover from a seemingly hopeless state of body and mind. And I can show you precisely how to do that because I've done it through working these steps. And if you've done that, you can go. Will you do it perfectly? No. Will you do it better as you practice? But yes, but you can go. This book was written, right, to go out. Well, I've shared it through many podcasts. It was going to go out from Akron in New York because there was only 8 a.m. back there, back out here to California. Some guy's going to grab it, do this process. And what does Bill say in the back of the book? We would love to hear from you who have not only got results, but have begun to work with other alcoholics. Dr. Bob, you go to page 184, Bill Dodson, AA number three, Bill Dodson was 60, was, was his sobriety is June 26th, 1935. The birth of AA is June 10th, 1935. Dr. Bob's first day of continuous sobriety. Dr. Bob was 16 days sober working with Bill Dodson. So how long did Dr. Bob take to work his steps? Sometimes in that time. Right. And he's carrying the message because he's had a spiritual awakening as a result. You carry the message. You're going to do it better as you go. Of course you are. But the book says, go. It'll get you out of your own head and it'll get you into service to somebody else.

SPEAKER_01:

I think the reason why that question. Sorry. I brought it up is no, don't apologize. It's why I got you wound up. I know. I try to get you wound up. I fucking crank on your tail. I just realized you may need to go back to the old boom mice because when those hands start flying, it gets a lot of this. He was hitting them before. Oh, was he? Yeah, because they were out here. Now he's got room to throw his arms. So the reason why I bring that up, and maybe I'm just a judgmental prick, but I hear some of these guys that they've

SPEAKER_00:

worked their steps. You'll hear in the treatment centers? Right. Ask Chris L, Chris Lytle. A lot of the treatment centers say you shouldn't sponsor unless you have five years of sobriety. Oh, I think that's bullshit. You know how many fucking people would die if you had to wait that long?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I think that's bullshit. I've never heard that. A lot of treatment centers will teach that. I haven't ever heard it, but I do see people that I see sponsor sponsor. And I'm like, motherfucker, you barely do your own fucking, you're barely doing your own

SPEAKER_00:

shit. But if he's had a spiritual, maybe that's

SPEAKER_01:

my own judgmental fucking

SPEAKER_00:

mind. Maybe Thatcher was too much sober working with Bill W. I know this was a six Oxford tenants at that time. So those of you who are no, a listen to the podcast. I know Bill Wilson was six months sober working with Dr. Bob, Dr. Bob and Bill. Dr. Bob was 16 days. And Bill, Bill, probably year over year working with Bill Dodson. So if you've had, you can't transmit what you haven't got. If you've got it, give it away. Give it away.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and I think in early sobriety, really early, I mean, I'm still early, but when I was really early, I liked talking to people, but I didn't feel I had enough to give away, to be a sponsor. I don't really like talking.

SPEAKER_00:

We smell the

SPEAKER_01:

sarcasm. Look out for the fucking lightning. Sorry. You can't lie. This is rigorous honesty. I guess. I pray in the beginning not to. I didn't mind talking to people, but I didn't feel like I had enough to give away. Now, when I finally, I kind of made it up in my mind. I would see what I would get. And be at that year. And then I felt comfortable to give it

SPEAKER_00:

away. Let's help these people. Cause that's, that's wrong. It's not the amount that matters. It's the content that matters. It's not the amount of what you have to give away that matters. It's the content that matters. Right. The spiritual awakening resulting steps. You've had that. Go give it to somebody. Show them how you got it. It's not the amount. No, I felt. A lot of people feel that way. I haven't been sober long enough. I need a

SPEAKER_01:

little more amount to get a little more content, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00:

That's wrong thinking. That's what the book says.

SPEAKER_01:

I can tell you right now one of the most profound things I ever heard in the room. The most profound thing I ever heard in the room. I was sober probably about four or five months when you and I started chairing that primary purpose. Our home group's primary purpose too. Laugh. Yes, he knows where I'm going. I I don't remember what the topic was. And there was a girl sitting in the back of the, back of the room and she had barely, she, I don't even know. She had a lot of mental issues. She's still struggling. Yeah. She's still struggling. And she literally said, I heard myself laugh today for the first time out loud, out loud. Yeah. And I'm like, I was struggling with my, I was struggling at the time, right? I was about four or five months and I was really struggling finding that, that trying to get that that should be light rule 62 don't take yourself so fucking serious right I was struggling with that and right and I heard her say that and it literally snapped me out right so it's I don't think she when I saw her months later I told her that I told her you said this and she's like I don't remember saying it so there something you say you may not even know you're saying it right you don't even you may not even it's that one nugget that somebody I get somebody I mean Rob says them all the time right and I get them from mean he has no fucking clue what he's saying but you know he's he's not wrong he's

SPEAKER_00:

not wrong

SPEAKER_01:

and he's not he'll tell you all the time i don't even remember saying that you know he says it you know we and you'll see it tomorrow night in our men's group there's a lot that goes on inside that i will hear shit going on on somebody i'm like oh overhearing conversation i'll hear somebody say something i'll have to go over and hey what did you just say right because there's certain things that trigger us in our mind same thing as a ptsd right there's certain things rob don't like the word trigger but in this instance it's it's a true fact there's things that

SPEAKER_00:

alcohol is i'm saying with alcoholism alcoholics i

SPEAKER_01:

understand but there's certain things that'll trigger a thought in your head yeah and you go what what did he just say i like the way he said that right i love quotes i love hearing that kind of stuff because it reminds me of certain things that helps me brings me back remembering something and what like i said every time i feel they're starting to get a little shitty i remember what what erica said in the back of that room. And it was, I heard myself laugh for the first time. Well, and I agree with you. I always agree with you guys on that word trigger, like a trigger to make me drink. Oh my, my sister-in-law said a mean thing to me. That trick. No, that's bullshit. Yeah. You're the only trigger that's going to make yourself drink.

SPEAKER_00:

Correct.

SPEAKER_01:

Now there's things that are going to trigger a memory or, or something like that. And, and like laughing and joking. When I went away to shatterproof, all of a sudden I, I started getting light again. I was always a prankster jokester messing with people. And when I went away there, it started coming back. I ordered myself a trophy from Amazon that said, Jim Hart, 2024 rehab trauma camp MVP. And I had it shipped to me. And then I walked around for like a week telling people, hey, did you vote for MVP? And they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? I said, well, go to the nurses station. They said, well, I went in there. There was no vote. I said, no, you got to go to central nurses. Oh, okay. No, I didn't find it. No, the med office. So I did this for a week. Well, then all of a sudden, one day I came out on my balcony with the trophy and said thank you all so much I want to give a speech and people like what in the fuck is it but I got that back you lost your mind again because I had been so down right that all of a sudden being sober being in this environment triggered my memory right to remember how fun life was right you know and I started getting back to that so there's always something's gonna trigger and it's some memory struggle with that still to this day like my babies will come over here my grandbabies will come over here screaming and blah blah blah blah blah and I get I start to get irritated because literally I want to just not have that around and I get irritated and I'm like you fucking idiot you're lucky to even be here you're lucky to even be here and then I can feel myself coming back out of that and it's just I struggle with and you know what I've been that way all my life though not that not that a depression thing's coming in it's just when I want it quiet I want it fucking quiet right I used to run go into my room after football practices and shut down after football practices or shut down after a baseball game. I just need it quiet. So there's times where I come home from work and I don't want that and I have to remind myself, you need to be a fun papa. The last thing those kids need to remember when they get older, the memories I have of my grandpa as being a grumpy old prick, I don't want my babies having that memory. So I struggle with that to keep that lightness and that rule 62 because I am taking myself too fucking serious.

SPEAKER_00:

And those are the most beautiful four words that I've learned in Alcoholics Anonymous. It's not about Not me.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

Not about me. Once I keep that forefront, maybe it's about my wife today. Maybe it's about my kid or anybody else but fucking me because I'm not much, but sometimes I'm all I think about. Right. And I got to get that out. But see, where you're at, I want to go back to the, we need to break it down. Okay. I don't think I've got enough to get into sponsorship. I've only been sober a year. I don't know if I have enough to give away. Remember, it's not the amount. It's what's in it.

SPEAKER_01:

Quality.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. What you're feeling is fear.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You're afraid. I don't have enough. What if this guy goes about, we don't get anybody sober and we don't get anybody drunk. That's on them. If you have the gift to give away, if you just got it for one day, I just got done with my steps. And somebody asked you, you do it. Because you've got what they need as far as the book is concerned. It doesn't matter how long you've had it or how short you've had it. You have it. Give it away. Right. And let God have it. Great things will happen. It's because it's not about us. It's damn strange about me.

SPEAKER_01:

It's all about you.

SPEAKER_00:

And what also, right here.

SPEAKER_01:

Here he goes. Here he goes.

SPEAKER_00:

The 10th step. The 10th step, if you got a sponsor.

SPEAKER_01:

This is why I came to watch

SPEAKER_00:

you. If you have a sponsor, or you hear someone in the room say, you know, I do my 10th step at night. You walk up to him after the meeting and say, you got a shit sponsor, buddy. Read the fucking book. Don't tell them that, but they do. But they do. It says here, the 10th step. This 10th step is how you conduct yourself throughout your day. Step 11, it talks about when we retire at night. upon awakening, you know, prayer. And you're going to find out that's why step 11 isn't in this step. I'm going to read to you. It says, this thought, Jim, brings us to step 10, which suggests we take personal inventory as we continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. Because as we vigorously commit to this way of living, as we clean up the past. So as you did the best you could through your night step, all you could do, right? The best you could do. Now start step 10. Because you tried, you righted almost every wrong you could. Now, this is how we conduct ourselves. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for a lifetime. This is how we do it. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. We learn about those words in the fourth step. When these crop up, when,

SPEAKER_01:

not if,

SPEAKER_00:

when, we ask God to remove them. We ask God at once to remove them. Okay, removal of defects of character, step six and seven. That's what we learn about that. We discuss them with someone immediately. That's confession, step five. And make amends quickly. if we harmed anybody. Okay, we learned about amends in eight and nine. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone. We can help, step 12. Love and tolerance for others is our code. So if I'm practicing my 10th step throughout my day, I have the opportunity to do steps four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and 12. That's how you stay clean. If anything crops up, dude, I just passed someone in the super. Tell them about the Cindy's encounter. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I'd done all my steps, right? And I'd forgotten about one. This prick, I said, said all the time if i ever run into that prick i'm probably gonna punch him right in the fucking mouth right and i mean they could be listening and i don't really care we rented a house from them there was it was a shit show the you know and it was just it was bad and it got there was words spoken and behind back and blah blah blah and i always said if i ever run into that prick i'll punch him in the fucking mouth i literally hated this guy resentment oh it was bad and i just i like i said i i don't even know what to do with this one because i've i'm still i if i ever run into him we were sitting at Cindy's probably six months it wasn't very far no eight months I don't even remember why we were eating breakfast there and all of a sudden I see this this guy's son come walking in I'm like huh okay then I seen his wife come walking in and then back just immediately I felt it I knew well he I saw him come walking across and it just I walked out I shook his hand he gave me a big old hug I told him you know told him I was sorry it happened just like that. He made amends. Yeah. God will give you those. Hold on. Hold on. It wasn't just an amends. I didn't feel like I owed him an apology. Right. I didn't. That I think is a little different. I didn't feel like I owed him an apology. What I did apologize for all the hateful things that I thought, all the hateful things that I was wishing, all that hate that I had inside of me for him. I apologize for having those feelings. It's not that I ever did. He never did anything for me. I apologize for the hate and everything I had in him for those years, for those years. Well, we did that as alcoholics. I mean, we sat in the garage. How many arguments you have with that guy in your garage when he wasn't even there? Just sat down. Just taking poison, hoping he dies. Every time I saw his son, every time I saw his son or saw his wife, that motherfucker. I won every argument and fight I ever got into. And they're good fucking people. Every argument and fight I ever got into in my garage when nobody was there. I won every fucking one. Every

SPEAKER_00:

one. He'll say that, then I'm going to come back with this. Then they'll probably say this, then I'm going to come back. And then there

SPEAKER_01:

There's people you don't recognize. Like I had some amends that I didn't know I needed to make. And I saw this little girl walk in this room. And I remembered something that I had said that had upset her that went from this person to this person. I don't even remember what it was. But I was humble enough to walk up and say, man, whatever I said, you did not deserve that. And I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that I even drug you into the mess. You didn't belong there. And I just want to make an amends. Have you had one happen immediately yet? What do you mean? That something pukes out of your mouth and immediately you recoil it? Yeah, I think I've done that.

SPEAKER_00:

Like you bit someone's head off and you have to make a... Yeah, like you're

SPEAKER_01:

in Home Depot and maybe the cashier's taking... Fuck you. God damn it. What? Jesus. I just meant maybe in Home Depot you might yell at a cashier or something. That's all. Yeah, he's listening to every episode. I haven't even said that about Jim. He literally, to do his homework, he literally listened to all 58 episodes And he's 59 and 60, so he listened to every one of them. Most of it was just to make fun, just because I'm back to that joke. So I just want to make sure I got all the jokes ready to go, the bullshit ready to fly out. And you did. Jim, this has been a blast.

SPEAKER_00:

And those are what I call those grocery store men. You'll see someone like, dude, they weren't even on my paperwork. But I know, and God's given. This is from my brother, Doug. Listen, Doug. Doug and I sponsor each other. And he's had it a couple times with the same person. But for me, those are the beautiful ones. God wants me to do. They weren't on my paperwork. I was thorough. I mean, I wanted to get them done. I didn't. And all of a sudden you pass them in a grocery store. I owe that. Are you going to go do it? That's what God wants. So are you still obedient? Yeah. How much freedom? How free do you want to be? I mean, I know how, those are the great ones. Go do it.

SPEAKER_01:

I felt that over and over and over again. I will not miss an opportunity. It's

SPEAKER_00:

action. That's what God wants. That's why when we, and I've been with you, bottle of Jack Daniels on my knees, Lord, please remove this from me. It's not his to take. It's mine to give. And I wouldn't give it. I'd give it my way. He says, son, don't pray for a hole while you're leaning on the shovel. Start fucking digging. If you want the third step prayer to come to life in your life, do steps four and five. If you want the seventh step prayer, which is one of the greatest prayers, if you want that to come to fruition, you've got to do steps eight and nine. You've got to go do the work and show God, I'm serious. I just asked you for this grand prayer. This is how serious I am. It's

SPEAKER_01:

going to happen. I don't think you can get to any of those without doing that's that prayer right there no yeah because if you ain't willing to turn yourself if you're not willing to turn it over and say take all this well and that's why all this i like seven two because it's the same thing hey my creator right good and bad here you go take it all take it take everything

SPEAKER_00:

and he's the arbiter to decide what's good because i thought there's some character defects i had he's gonna rip that right out thank god because i don't need that i can't even fight that one he left it he just he just showed me how to use it he

SPEAKER_01:

did he left a few in there that i didn't realize he left the asshole in me and i don't know why he did that one because it a whole you. If he took the asshole away six foot three, you would disappear. It'd

SPEAKER_00:

just be that part of a donut.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my God. Jim, awesome. I can't wait to have you at the meeting tomorrow night with us. I think it's going to be fun. Thanks, man. I appreciate you guys. Step six, right? Step six. Well, if we get to it, for God's sakes, last... Well, no, we did last week. You know, there's times, like I said, the last two weeks, it's just been nothing but... Well, the week before that, Brandon...

SPEAKER_00:

And that's why we're there right if we get to a page we get to a page we get to someday

SPEAKER_01:

we'll get sean over there with us yeah that'd be good mary Good times. Well, do you tell him to get his ass over there? It's a great time. Anyways, Jim, I can't wait to have you with you. You, these last, the last week and this week, it's just,

SPEAKER_00:

and Mary, thank you for stepping up and doing what you do for us.

SPEAKER_01:

Actually. Yeah. Mary, the incredible, I am so blessed that we, God damn it.

SPEAKER_00:

Don't I. Okay. Don't talk about blessing. And then just throw the GD. He

SPEAKER_01:

throws a GD in right after. I'm getting better. You know what? My Lord loves me. No matter what he knows. That's, part of that thing that he still hasn't taken from me.

SPEAKER_00:

I know, me too.

SPEAKER_01:

I have to give it away, but I like it. Yeah, me too. And you know what? Tammy will be mad at me if I stop. If

SPEAKER_00:

you stop dropping F-bombs, she'll be mad.

SPEAKER_01:

I know. Anyways, Mary, you're awesome. I freaking love it that you're here.

SPEAKER_00:

That was a good one, Jim. That was powerful. Yeah, I

SPEAKER_01:

liked that one. Yeah, that was a good one.

SPEAKER_00:

I

SPEAKER_01:

liked

SPEAKER_00:

it. And I'm grateful I didn't see... I'm not

SPEAKER_01:

giving a strange baby on a plane a bottle, Rob, but I'll

SPEAKER_00:

do something. No, you smacked the parrot upside the head. Hey, the ears need to Give the baby a bottle before we descend and it'll help me. It's easy on the baby.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know. I'm out of here. Later. Thank you for joining us today.

SPEAKER_00:

We hope you learned something today that will help you.

SPEAKER_01:

If you did not, come back next week and we'll try again.

SPEAKER_00:

If you like what we heard, give us a five-star review. If you don't like what you heard, kiss my ass. I can't say that, can you? Anyway, if you don't like what you heard, go ahead and tell us that too. We'll see what we can improve. We probably won't change nothing, but do it anyway.

SPEAKER_01:

Thanks, Rob. Come back next week and hopefully something will be different and something will sink in. Take

SPEAKER_00:

care. This has been Recovery unfiltered.