Recovery Unfiltered
Taking recovery discussion to a different level. Bringing comedy and the lighter side of sober living along with educating non-alcoholics and alcoholics. Hear real stories unfiltered.
Recovery Unfiltered
Learning to Live Life on Life's Terms
What happens when life goes sideways in recovery? When carefully laid plans crumble and unexpected tragedy strikes? Jason returns to Recovery Unfiltered to share a raw, emotional story that tests the limits of "living life on life's terms."
The journey begins with Jason's excitement about attending the International AA Convention in Vancouver—his first since getting sober. But as his departure approaches, warning signs appear: canceled accommodations, vanishing flights, and transportation nightmares. Despite these obstacles, Jason presses forward, feeling obligated to the friends he'd encouraged to join him.
Then comes the devastating midnight call: Rooster, Jason's beloved "sobriety dog" who had been with him since early recovery, has escaped during Fourth of July fireworks. Hours later, they learn he's been struck by a car and killed. The loss plunges Jason into what he describes as "the darkest place I've felt in six years of sobriety."
Through tears and vulnerable conversation, the guys explore critical recovery concepts: recognizing when God is closing doors in our lives, understanding the true meaning of group conscience, and examining our motives. "If you make a decision based on fear, guilt, or shame," one host observes, "if your motives are wrong, the decision is wrong."
Jason's story powerfully illustrates that recovery doesn't shield us from life's heartbreaks, but it does give us tools to navigate them without returning to addiction. His willingness to share such profound grief demonstrates the healing power of honest connection with others who understand the journey.
Listen in as the Recovery Unfiltered crew demonstrates once again that authentic, unguarded conversation creates space for both laughter and tears—and might just offer exactly what you need to hear today. Have you experienced moments when life's detours revealed unexpected wisdom? Share your story with us and discover you're not alone on this path.
Thank You for Joining Us.. Please share with friends. If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcoholism please reach out to us. We can get you help. recoveryunfilteredpodcast@gmail.com
Ready. Heavenly Father, we thank you for bringing Jason with us today. Father, we ask that you come and you sit with us. Father, let us open the book, let us talk about the past, let us talk about what's coming on. We want to talk about Jason and how he's been doing. Father, we ask that you sit with each one of us, father, and you give us truth and you give us light. Father, and everything we say, or anything we say, may help that one soul. Helped that one soul. Father, we ask that you sit with us In Jesus' name. Let's go to work. Amen, amen.
Speaker 2:That's better music actually. Hold on, come on, come on.
Speaker 1:I'm going to let it play for a minute and I'll tell you why here in just a minute.
Speaker 2:Your neighbor put this together. Yeah, good job.
Speaker 1:This is going to be his voice for a minute here, in just a minute. I gave my all but you couldn't do it. Told the truth, but you never knew this will destroy me Living without you. I played my part, but you changed the cue. I took the blame, but you never knew this is all me. But, baby, I'm mostly with you. But baby, it won't stay.
Speaker 2:That's a long intro.
Speaker 1:Well, I know, but he sent that to me today. The good part's coming, but it was going just a little bit long. Yeah, so he sent that. He got invited to go into a studio to record and that was a rough cut too. That's not even completely mixed. That's not even completely mixed. Yet he sent that to me today and I'm like dude, this is fucking good. I can't even get the song out of my head. I said can I play that? He goes? Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 1:So that's harbor drive. They got their, they're putting, they're putting some stuff together. They want to battle of the the Bands here a while back. So he's the one that helped me get this podcast up and running. Yeah, he's the one that really like, he's the one that pulled up out front and helped me get going and he's not even doing his podcast anymore. Oh yeah, yeah, I think he had to soak up a lot putting his band back together. He did it for a long time. He had a band that he did for a long time and his wife was a drummer That'd be cool huh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hey, do you know who that is? Anybody? He just heard his voice. I know who that is. Bring it in. Who is that? Ask him, bring it in. Guess what is your name.
Speaker 3:What's up, fellas?
Speaker 1:Watch this Reunited and it feels so.
Speaker 2:Jason's back, jason R Jason R is back, yeah so if you haven't heard the Jason and Kim episode, well, jason's been on also a little bit. The Jason and Kim, that's the one to go back and listen to.
Speaker 1:Jason's been on a couple times haven't you Jason yes hey, don't be clamming up on us. I'm not clammed up, brother, I'm here. Jason's that one guy that we don't get to see very often, and when I do, he I just brightens my day to see you, man, it brightens my day to see you and he, you're working.
Speaker 2:Every other I'm just the lesser knockoff. When they get to see me, I just like keep, I just like keep up, I just keep them just enough, holding on till they get to see you, yeah and now I get my feel that's great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we get jason every other week now, yeah that's right pretty pumped yeah so what's been going on with you not a whole lot, it's great.
Speaker 3:Uh, you know, just living life, living life on life's terms did you?
Speaker 1:uh, you got into a your own group over there in monterey area, so I did yeah, yep, uh, it's the happy hour group at 5 30 monterey, downtown monterey.
Speaker 3:Um, pretty good group people. There's lots of sobriety there. A lot of you know 30 40 year people there um, and then there's some newbies too, but for the most part it's an older group. Um, yeah, been been, you know, two to three times a week over there, nice, nice.
Speaker 1:I got to go into that with him one time. It's just hard for me to get over there and you know I'm six, three and it's yeah, we know it's not in a basement. Right, it's not in a basement, but it's the ceiling is not an eight foot ceiling? Yeah, it's tiny. Yeah, you would feel tall in there no shit, let's go, let's go that's funny. That's funny, hey. So last time I felt tall.
Speaker 2:Was at that that midget conference? I saw I towered over the fuckers were they scared of you?
Speaker 1:no, not really, but they're nice hey, I want to talk about something because it's been brought up a couple times in the last I don't know, last couple days. Is group conscience right?
Speaker 2:Group conscience.
Speaker 1:I mean one of the things that I went into our tradition to and just try to get in there and see if I can find something, but so many times, you know, because Jim called me Hart from Denver, the last guy we had on here the guy we tarred and feathered. Yes.
Speaker 1:And he started his own men's group. Right, he started his own men's group and he calls me up. He says, hey, larry, he goes, how do we get this going? He goes. He had four guys in there, but he goes. I got several people that I don't even want in here and I said, hey, jim, don't worry about it in here. And I said, hey, jim, don't worry about it. If you just go in there, be honest with them, them guys will weed themselves out. Right, because if you got a brad luke in yours in your meeting, I promise you he will weed them out, because some of them guys.
Speaker 2:Well, but here's the thing if it's, if it is a a, a meeting, you know in on the app right what? What does it say to be a member?
Speaker 1:oh, you gotta stop drinking. You can't gotta be an alcoholic and do you have to?
Speaker 2:have a desire and you're you say you're a member. You can show up now. Our monday night group? No, it's not a sanctioned aa meeting, it's just us, so we can police how we see fit right, well, that's, that's what I told.
Speaker 1:That's what I was telling jim. I said you know the good thing about it, it's your house and if somebody is in there you don't like, you can kick them out. Yep, right. But that's the good thing that we've had with our men's group is we haven't really ran into that. No, but the ones that have came in there, they pretty much take themselves out because they don't like to hear it. They don't like to hear it.
Speaker 2:Well, and then, yeah, they go out and they do their thing, they do their drinking. They're welcome to come back if you want to stay sober.
Speaker 1:Well, it's not even that they don't like the fact that we're honest with them. Oh yeah, you know what I'm saying. I mean, especially with Brad and me and Aaron's pretty good at it we're not going to put up with any bullshit. I mean we're going to call you on your bullshit Right and you're bullshit Right. And a lot of AA meetings you can't. A lot of people are don't, won't really do that.
Speaker 2:No, I mean they won't, right, and there's been and they shouldn't know Now if you want to take it, if you want to take a younger person. I say younger, I mean younger and sobriety. After the meeting if meeting afterwards, pull them aside and kind of help them out, right but our group. That's not a meeting, we'll pull your pants down right now, right in the middle of it.
Speaker 1:But that's love, isn't it? Rob, you said you're gonna pull their pants down. Well, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:That's, that's kind of a meeting. That's a metaphor. Hey, them little midgets pull my pants down.
Speaker 1:I didn't say nothing. They were probably bigger than you not admit a bit.
Speaker 2:Oh, I drank, you mother fucker, I just drank.
Speaker 1:God damn it Water. So the reason why Group conscience.
Speaker 2:Why'd you bring up group conscience? Well, okay, read Tradition 2.
Speaker 1:Well, Tradition 2 is for our group purpose. There is but one ultimate authority, a loving God as we may express, as he may express himself in our group conscience, as leaders are but trusted servants they do not govern right, so that's okay.
Speaker 2:Now that's every individual fellowship. What, what may be good at primary purpose. What they may vote in is their group conscience. Yes, oakdale may disagree and they may have their own thing.
Speaker 1:So each group is different right, but I, you know, I go back once again. I look at our group and I always because this is part of that that my um, oh shit, what am I trying to say? My loss, right, because I, when everything's going good, something's going to fucking happen. Right, that's in, that's my way of thinking, right? Murphy's law, murphy's law or, you know, my. That's what I was trying to get to Rejection abandonment.
Speaker 1:That's that rejection, abandonment issues that I have every once in a while. Everything's going so good. Oh fuck, what's going to happen? Right? So I don't want anything to happen to our Monday night group, right? So that's why, when I sent out the group text last night you know, because we've gotten too big just to be on an iPhone texting chat, you know, hey guys, what do you think about going to a group chat? Right, it is, but we have a lot of people in there that you know, we're not just it's not four or five guys sitting around, you know.
Speaker 1:You know somebody's table anymore. Right, we're we're, we got a group. Yeah, that's why it's hard for me when we take off to Knights Ferrys. You know, some guys can't make that, you know, and we leave a bunch of guys behind that can't. And all of a sudden now, our Monday meeting. You know, some guys don't make the meeting, some guys only go to Monday night meetings. Our meeting, yeah we could get better at that.
Speaker 3:I mean, that's as simple as putting a note on the door saying hey guys, if you haven't heard Right?
Speaker 1:You know we're going up to Knightsville Right, going up to night's, yeah, right, but yeah, we do need to do that, because daniel called me about 20 minutes before.
Speaker 2:Hey, is anything I said no, we're up at night's fair so he drove, he had time to make it, but right, yeah, he's not. He's not a part of our group chat.
Speaker 1:Well, that's the thing. If we go to a different, if we go to something different to broadcast that text out. I mean it makes a little bit different but and so does that work anyway.
Speaker 3:Is that something that you get alerted just like a regular?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it would come across the same, do you do?
Speaker 3:Teams or do anything like that.
Speaker 1:It would be the same thing. It's a Teams app, basically on your phone, and it comes across as an alert Gotcha. So if there's changes, if we're doing anything different or if we try to do something, we can add as many people as we want, right?
Speaker 2:I mean, that makes it where we can make an announcement and it's done nothing but gross.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Me, jason, doug and Aaron yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean that's just the first time I met. Jason was at Brad's house the first time and I mean I was fairly green. You were still shitting green. You're brand new. I didn't even show up the second group the second time because I was like I don't want to go back to that.
Speaker 3:Them fuckers are too serious. I'm not ready for that shit yet.
Speaker 1:But the reason why I wanted to bring it up another reason is because you hear, like you know, the one in modesto.
Speaker 2:I don't really want to say names, the one in modesto one opposite of south side yes, that split up because they you know the old california sober thing and the stuff I know.
Speaker 2:The first, the first split was over after covid. Um, a bunch of them wanted to meet. They said we need to meet. And there was a big another group that said no, there was two things going on. They were they were trying to get rid. There was like they want to do some more. They just be honest, uh, god, um, atheist type meanings, you know, but remove the god part of it, right, that kind of rub people the wrong way. Then covid was going on, then people want to get back together, you know, face to face and there was kind of pushback. So, uh, I won't mention his name, but he went, started up new beginnings, you know that's how is that where that one yeah that's kind of.
Speaker 2:That was kind of the two way what was going on there. That's when new beginnings started up.
Speaker 1:So there's another one that just Gordon did that one, sorry.
Speaker 2:There's another one, then the California, then after that, you know, earlier this year, late last year, the California sober, you know we're sober you're not sober whatever you know. So they were pushing that and that and there was another schism and then upstarted uh, cheers on rose at rose avenue.
Speaker 1:That's it.
Speaker 2:That cheers, that's a resummit and a pot of coffee, jason. That's it.
Speaker 1:Start a fellowship well, and you know, the other thing that you we were talking about before we started recording is, you know, our saturday morning meeting. I mean, I don't know how detailed you guys want to really talk about that, but I don't care, I've been very vocal, unfiltered. I've been very vocal about it, right? So 9 o'clock Saturday morning, my shit, I got shit to do yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. That's why, at 10 o'clock, we're Right.
Speaker 1:That's why at 10 o'clock I get up and I bounce because I'm going to give it an hour I want. I got Saturday morning and Mondays right. That's my meetings and it's hard for me to sit there. It's hard enough to just go to the 9 o'clock right, because normally I got shit going on around here I've started something.
Speaker 1:Then go to the meeting you got to stop and go do it and then at 10 o'clock I'm watching the temperature go higher and higher and higher and I know I still got shit. I need to get done before it gets to 105 degrees outside.
Speaker 2:We're going to do something on air, rob. I'm going to do something on air. We're going to put God to the test. Here we go Ready, hit me. Heavenly Father, you know that there are a group of men that have struggled with the 9 am. We would love an earlier meeting. Yes, we know there's there at 7 am. That sucks. We would love an oakdale meeting 6 to7 am. Open a door for us and that we can kick it in and start something. I ask this in the name of christ, amen, amen. We'll see how long it takes. We'll see doors gonna open. Door.
Speaker 1:We gotta walk through it. We've talked about, we've talked about your church. Letting us use that basement I'll talk to new boom yeah so I mean, you know we've had several people talk about it. Listen, nothing wrong with a nine o'clock meeting nothing.
Speaker 2:No, it's a great. It's a great, just a bad time it has to that.
Speaker 3:That has to continue because a lot of those guys probably enjoy that time slot right?
Speaker 1:no, there's a lot of those old birds in there.
Speaker 3:That's nine o'clock is early for them, yeah and maybe yeah yeah, well, it works and it's comfortable and it's part of their plan and all that. But I mean there's no, there's nobody saying nothing about not just being at that facility at an earlier hour. I don't know that we need to change, because it almost feels like to me. If we do that, then we're trying to be well, the problem with that, jay, is pulled away from that fellowship.
Speaker 2:The women have the 7 am on Saturdays.
Speaker 3:Oh gotcha.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, that makes sense. Yeah, the ladies are in there between 7 and 8.
Speaker 2:And here's—I don't want to say who proposed it. I might have at one time, but I redacted it for a bunch of us to show up to the business meeting and put in a motion. The women go to 9, we go to 7, to seven and outload them has it always been that way, yeah has it always been that way.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean if they're at seven and and we got a group, I mean again we got to talk about it, see what everybody wants to do. But if we want to be there at six, that is very true.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm I'm that guy.
Speaker 3:yeah I'll, I'd be there 100%. If we go 6 to 7, I'm happy because I get home my day can start.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think yours is 7.30 to 8.30. It is 7.30 to 8.30. 7.30 to 8.30. It's not 7 to 8.30?.
Speaker 2:No, it's 7.30, 8.30.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that would be even better if we could still use the fellowship and get into there. That way we're not splitting.
Speaker 2:Well then we got to go down there and put it on. You got to go to a business meeting which sucks Unless there's chair throwing and shirt pulling, then it's fun.
Speaker 1:Then it's fun.
Speaker 3:I've seen Pillow fight.
Speaker 2:I've been to one that's gotten that way. I've seen one.
Speaker 1:I went to church business meetings before and it turned me against churches pretty hard.
Speaker 2:Go to AA business meetings.
Speaker 1:This is bad. Oh yeah, some of them. Some of them can be the church meeting. I went to the church. The church business meeting that I went to was I I would literally saw the side of people that I did not even realize how they had that part of them well you go to, you go to enough a business meetings.
Speaker 2:You realize you see how humans, one and alcoholics too like, while god is so much a part of us. How do this fucking people, not sorry about the f word, how do these people not fall apart and destroy this thing 90 years ago? It's all god.
Speaker 3:It's all god right, because they, it's like cats herding cats right kind of want to go through, you know again, learning how to live life on life's terms. And what I mean by that is, um fourth of july this year we were in vancouver at the international convention.
Speaker 3:This one's gone yeah and uh, you know, doing all the right things and just leading up to it. Well, I'll just start with it. Start with it, you know, when I first got sober in the Tracy Fellowship they have pictures, which I have, one now, my own but they have the panoramic pictures of the international convention. We all know that they're only every five years and my first international convention what would have been was canceled due to COVID. So this is the first international convention that's been available since I've been sober. And so you know, from day one I'm like I want to do that. I just it was something that I wanted to do and I brought it. I kept hearing it and no one was really talking about it in our fellowship and I kind of brought it up to our group and said, hey guys, what's going on? Let's do it, cause I'm going.
Speaker 1:I was all down.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm going, I mean duh, we're down from the very beginning, from the very beginning. Yeah, which which plays into this story, right. So you know, everybody does their thing. Um, I think we started talking about it I don't know quite a bit of time eight, maybe 10 months in advance, something easily and uh, we kind of decided kim was going to go and uh, so that kind of, put kim and I together and you and doug together, and we really didn't talk about, you know, getting our accommodations together.
Speaker 3:it was just kind of like we better, we better pull the trigger, right, all of us doing our own thing yeah, pretty much and so, um, you know, kim and I got an Airbnb and we were pumped, we were going to make this, we were going to be there three days early and stay two days late and we're going to make a trip out of it. And I think we got about 30 days to the to the convention date and we got an email and some phone calls saying, hey, sorry, but your Airbnb is no longer available.
Speaker 1:I'm going to correct you on that one, jason, because ours canceled first, which was about 15 days prior. Yours came after. Yours was only about 10 days. Okay, yeah, yours was way shorter than than Doug and I, okay.
Speaker 3:So we had everything lined out right. We had our our plane tickets, we had our our Airbnb, we had a car set up. So, anyway, back, okay, back to the airbnb 10 days before the convention yeah we don't have it. So I'm like what do you mean? What?
Speaker 2:does that even mean don't have it?
Speaker 3:so they canceled it they canceled it and they would not give us a reason why. They just said it's it's in your best interest, like, not really because we got a screaming deal on that place. You know it was real nice place.
Speaker 1:I firmly believe they canceled them because they realized they could get. So we 100. We booked ours way early, yeah I did, and so so did jason. Ours was only going to be like 650 bucks for the four days that we were there and it was pretty freaking cheap. Yeah, yours and kim's was even cheaper, I think.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we had a little condo, it was, it was going to be real nice. So, anyway, long story short, they cancel. They don't want to give us a reason behind it. Um. So we start looking around, we find a hotel, um, and, and you know, things are really booking up at this point in time and uh, so we're struggling finding something.
Speaker 3:We did find something. It was about two and a half times the amount we were going to pay on the other one. But we're like, listen, we're pot committed and this is what I was saying it plays into.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we were we were right because because I came into the rooms waving my flag, going hey guys, who's going? Right, let's go. Then I get these guys to go. I can't back out now no right. So I baby, it don't matter, let's get it Right. So we we end up booking it and it's like $2,500 or something like that, and we get a uh uh confirmation in the email and it's like 3,500. We're like wait a minute, what? I'm all bullshit, we're canceling that. So I ended up canceling it and after looking through it, it was the exchange rate.
Speaker 1:It was the.
Speaker 3:Canadian exchange rate. So we were actually going to pay the 2,500, but it didn't come through like that. So now I'm scrambling to get another place. So we ended up getting another place. Turns out it was the same place that I got the second place that I got, um. So that worked out, but again quite a bit more. Uh, I, okay, now here's. Here's the good one. We're 72 hours prior to our flight.
Speaker 2:You could check in something like that right 24 hours 72 hours, something like that.
Speaker 3:72 hours we go to check in our flight. Our flight to canada is nowhere to be seen. It was, it was canceled, they didn't send you, we got we got a returning flight gotta get there first.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you gotta swim there, so so kim spends hours on the phone figuring all this out. Right, I mean hours, like I think she ended up I can't remember exactly. I think she ended up going into work late, just so we can get this dialed in, and I said I got to go, I got to go for a run, so I took off and I stopped and I texted Doug and Larry and said, hey guys, I don't know if this is God telling me probably shouldn't be going and Larry jumps in and goes no, that's the devil trying to keep you from a good time, that's right so.
Speaker 3:I'm like, okay, well said, I'll go with that, Right?
Speaker 1:So I'm going to go with that.
Speaker 3:So we end up, uh, getting to the airport, we get it all figured out. They, they compass first class. We're up front with nice meal, everything was great. We get there, um, also have a car booked and Kim and I went on this journey since I've been sober um, dave Ramsey, right, so we're a hundred percent debt free. We don't have a credit card. We don't have a single credit card, right? So we get there to check in. By the way, at this airport, the I think it was Hertz, we were with hertz, and hertz is the very last one on a mile long road, right, and we're walking, we're dragging our luggage. It's the last freaking spot to check in for a car. So we get there. We go up to the counter. We're like we're here. He pulls it up. He's all, okay, I need a credit card to throw it up there. He goes oh, that's a debit card right that ain't gonna work.
Speaker 3:I said, okay, well, let me go get some cash. He goes no, that ain't gonna work either. I need a credit card. And I'm like well, I don't have a credit card. He goes well, I can't, I can't do nothing for it, right? So I was tripping this. It was late. It was late. It was 10 o'clock at this point in time. I think we left Modesto like 8 o'clock that morning. It was 10 o'clock, it was a long day.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was a long day and so, anyway, I was burnt. So Kim starts going down the line checking if anybody will do it without a credit card and nobody would. Finally we get to like the fourth guy and he goes hey, this guy leans over the counter and he kind of looks both directions. He goes, he literally says I got a guy. I'm like wait a minute, seriously, that's usually good news. Yeah, I said okay, well, let's give it a shot. So he calls the guy guy and I mean he's. He's literally talking quiet, like whispering in the phone. He goes I got, I got one for five days, like he's literally keeping it on the down low. And uh, so the guy goes some astronomical amount. I want to say it was uh, $500 a day or something like that.
Speaker 3:And absolutely raping you because you don't a day or something like that and absolutely raping you because you don't.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, again pot committed right, what am I going to do at this point? Well, come to find out. We probably could have got away without having it, but I didn't know. I didn't know the routes, I didn't know we had to cross the river, we had all kinds of stuff we didn't know, even though we really investigated it and saw routes, we didn't know what the, the transit was we were all really confused about it, right?
Speaker 1:yeah, it was not real, it was hard, it was hard to see it on maps and on, you know right, google or anything like that. It was very hard to see it so.
Speaker 3:So so we're like yeah, whatever it is, man, let's get it. So he, he tells the guy, yeah, it's good, he goes. And then, you know, he hangs up the phone, he goes, he's on the other side of town, he'll be here in about 15 minutes. So 15 minutes goes by. The guy was good about it. He leans over the counter, goes, hey, he's using some traffic, he's going to be here in about 10. So even know what to think? Right? So the dude shows up uh, he's got a brand new car. Brand brand new car. Right, he goes, we're gonna have to go back to my office and we'll do the paperwork there. So we get there. And he's got a kiosk inside the hyatt regency.
Speaker 3:Oh, so no, instantly I'm like all right this dude's legit yeah so we do the paperwork. Uh, he gives us the keys. We drive away. We're happy as a clam, get to the hotel, um, and start, start in. You know, we start, we start our journey. We figure out uh, we've got a ferry to get across the river, so they got this. Uh, it's a, but a boat, bus, or I can't remember what goes back and forth, it goes back and so there's like 150 people on this boat.
Speaker 3:It's a ferry, yeah, it goes back and forth. Anyway, we get that dialed in, we start checking things out, um, and then this is where so keep in mind we're struggling. I was about ready to say this trips off. I was committed because I didn't want to be that guy to say hey, doug, larry, you guys are on your own. I know I prompted this, but you guys are on your own. So we ended up going. I'm trying to make the best of it. Everything that's negative I'm trying to turn positive. We're going to make this work because I have wanted to do this. This is going to be great for my sobriety. I'm going to see, you know, fireworks and explosions. I'm gonna, I'm gonna get it, you know. So that's what we were trying to do. We get over there and we start, you know, going through, uh, the buildings, trying to figure out how this process is going to work very confusing.
Speaker 3:They got multiple buildings.
Speaker 1:They got multiple big buildings, not little ones yeah, they got 24 7 meetings that are at multiple locations off the campus, right, um, anyway.
Speaker 3:So so we kind of we get our groove on, we start figuring it out, we go through day one and that's when that's 4th of July, which, um. So to back up, kim and I were struggling the whole time with our two labs, right? So we've got rooster, who is the bloodline of Wayne. Right, wayne was Jake's dog. I wanted the bloodline, cause he was an astronomical duck dog. Um, we ended up breeding wayne with one of our brothers in recovery here and we got just an ultimate stud. We he had 386 retrieves in two seasons that's crazy.
Speaker 3:You know like I mean a stud, and it was the most important thing was it was our bloodline, right.
Speaker 2:So kind of your sobriety dog too, and he was my sobriety dog.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he was. He was the one. Yeah, he was my sobriety dog.
Speaker 1:So, um, anyway, um I don't think we've talked about that part, that's yeah, it's, yeah, yeah, uh, so again.
Speaker 3:Fourth of july. We knew in the past that both of the dogs struggled with the fireworks. It's not the fireworks, it's the illegal fireworks right in.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 3:Oakdale in my mind it is, I know now. It's just ridiculous, it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2:It starts.
Speaker 3:It starts two days before, three days before it goes three days after, and it just so happened that our neighbor right behind us was the culprit, oh shit. So anyway, we were struggling along the way. I'm rambling here, but we're struggling with what we're going to do with the dogs. Right in in hindsight it's really easy to look back and kick yourself in the ass and go, oh my god, why didn't I do that, why didn't I do this? Why didn't you do that? But um again, rooster was four years old. He had been living in our backyard.
Speaker 3:We have, you know, it's got a mow strip around he can't dig out. The fence is six foot high. He can't really jump out Pretty comfortable with it. We know it's going to be a struggle for him, but we figure he's going to hunker down and just deal with it. So we thought about taking them to a kennel. We're like no, no, we didn't do that. We've had a bad experience with that. So we we opted not to do that.
Speaker 3:We thought about putting them inside of their smaller kennel in the backyard to lock them in. That was my choice. Kim was like no, I really don't want to do that. They're going to be in there all day long. It's going to be hot. They need to be able to get around, get to shake. You know, I know I'm like you know what. You're right, we can't do that. And then we just decided to leave him at home and Jake was going to be watching them, which he would check on him in the morning, check on him at night. Well, it's 4th of July, you know, he's got buddies there at the lake and we get a call at midnight, uh, saying rooster's gone. So, yeah, it gets. It gets crazy call from jake. Got a call from jake and he's distraught. He goes. Why didn't you guys just let me keep him in the kennel? You know I'm like hey, don't worry about it.
Speaker 3:I still don't know. I still don't know. I think he jumped the fence, son of them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think he jumped the fence you know it's funny, and this is not going on a duck hunting, but those black labs, mine's the same way. You shoot a gun around them and they, they're perfectly fine yeah you're perfectly fine. Those big ones they can't see. You know, I think it's because they can't see it and literally my black lab. We have to put him on. We have to put him on medication on Fourth of July.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's another thing that came to mind. So, anyway, we get the call. You got to call at midnight, we got to call at midnight. Of course I'm just beside myself. I said, hey, jump on the bike, go up the tunnel, get on the running trail, because I run with this dog every single day that I'm home. Right, he's five days a week. He's a by my side, he knows the route, guaranteed he's going to be up there somewhere. Looks so bad. Yeah, exactly. Um. So then you know everybody's looking through the facebook feeds and there's everything or all things Oakdale, I think, is what it's called and they see a picture of Rooster and someone took a picture and said, hey, this dog's scared for his, he's running for his life. This is as close as I can get On Gregor heading towards Albers. So I'm like all right, well, head up there, see if you can find something. Then I get a call and he goes hey, riley found him, he's been hit.
Speaker 2:Who's Riley?
Speaker 3:Riley is Jake's girlfriend. Okay, so they say he, now you got to. If you know, whoever's listening knows Oakdale when you're going down gray, that's by the Hershey's plant, right, skonza, now, yeah, skonza, now yeah, skonza. So now they've got another feed. Black lab hit at 108 and claws opposite, opposite side of town.
Speaker 3:I'm like oh my gosh, this guy was running crazy, right. So I'm going through all of these things just emotionally. Just, you, you got to understand that this is I'm. I'm his keeper, right, I'm responsible for keeping him safe. He's a puppy, he's. He's four years old, you know, he's just coming into his own, he's an absolute stud, but he's still young, right. So I uh jake's just beside himself, because that's his dog too and he goes, man, he's, he's in rough shape. Dad, I go, well, just leave him there. Let me see if I can call my buddy, rob, to help me out, which, you know, we've talked about this on the on here before yeah so so, um.
Speaker 3:Anyway, I I text because it's late at this point in time I think it's like two o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 2:You text Aaron and me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I get a call from Aaron and I or I get a text, hey, I'm available, you know something like that First thing in the morning. So I call Rob and I tell him what's going on. He goes over there, picks up the dog. We've got it set up to have him cremated. Luckily the lab was, or the vet was, open from eight to noon From eight to noon, and so we had it all set up to have. Jake was there to sign off on it. Rob picked him up, took him there, kept him out of Jake's sight, so we got kind of some closure there. At least we were able to pick him up, get him home and and and try to start grieving. You know, start the process, and I think we went back to meetings at the convention.
Speaker 1:Well, you showed up that meeting. You came late. You showed up late. You even texted Doug and I hey, we're going to be a little bit late. As soon as I saw you walking up I could tell you weren't right. Yeah, when you came, yeah, you came walking into the meeting a little bit late and I could tell you weren't right yeah, so, yeah, so, um, but we got it handled, yeah, right.
Speaker 3:And then, I think after the first meeting, we were kind of out, uh, waiting for the next meeting, or waiting to go get something to eat or something, and I get a, a phone call. It's some random guy, some random number, but I'm like, oh, this is weird. He goes. Hey, man, I just want to let you know. I'm really sorry, but I've got Rooster. What do you mean, man? I've already got him, he's already at the vet, he's all. No, what are you talking about? He's right here, I got him. And so, on Rooster's collar, I had it embroidered. Can we turn that down?
Speaker 1:The light.
Speaker 3:The fan. Oh yeah, he says I have Rooster right here with me on his collar. It's embroidered with my number.
Speaker 2:Well, how's his name? Rooster.
Speaker 3:Rooster and the number.
Speaker 3:So, he said, yeah, he's right here. And again it was on the other side of town, by sconza, where we originally thought he was gonna be. So now I've got to call rob back and see if he can go pick up a second dog. I've also got to get jake to go sign off on it and all said and done, the vet was closed. So now we've got to try to keep the dog on ice until until Monday and I'm still not home. So I can't do it. There's nothing I could do, just completely distraught with the whole situation.
Speaker 1:Luckily we have a.
Speaker 3:You have a friend like yeah no, I mean, I I'm so grateful for that because it it it does give me a little bit of peace and it's. You know, I struggle with this a little bit because we have brothers in recoveries that have lost their children, and you know, this is just a dog, it's just quote, unquote, just a dog. But I'm going to tell you, it took me to places that I, uh, I really struggled and I don't know that my sobriety was ever on the line. But go ahead.
Speaker 1:Jason, I just was in a deep dark place. I remember us talking that day. Quite, we talked quite a bit that day. You know what? Here's the thing, for for me and I we may have even talked about it that day it's never about us worrying about our drinking, right, it's never about that. For for me it's not. What I don't like is I don't like when we get out of that. It's not a pink cloud, we get away from that. And I I struggle with it last week and I talked about it. Oh no, we didn't. But I I struggled with it last week dealing with some other bs stuff. But you, you just dig. You get out of that, that peace, that serenity that we like to live in. You're just serene, right, we learn how to deal with things. And then you know the same thing whenever you were getting frustrated with the plane and this.
Speaker 2:That is the whole buildup. There is a whole buildup and the what if.
Speaker 1:The what if.
Speaker 2:The what ifs will kill you.
Speaker 1:Coulda, woulda shoulda.
Speaker 2:But, here's one thing I want to touch on and I don't want to crack on larry, but I'm gonna crack on larry, just kidding. But and I'm because I'm dealing with my daughter right now at college and she's going away. She did I mean, I'm proud of her and but now things are happening at this school because we're working on getting her alone, you know. But now things are closing with this school because we're working on getting her a loan. But now things are closing with this school, doors are closing. The program she's in that they said was going to be available is not so, and I was like, but a lot of times that people in my family I used to be guilty of it will run head first into the door and know this is what I want, instead of recognizing when God does does close the door. And okay, which one's open for me. When you were on that run, kim's on the phone working for hours trying to get that. When you thought, man, god's, maybe god's closing the door, he was closing the door.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, I know, I know you think so yeah yeah, yeah, I know, I know, now looking back there's no doubt in my mind so I think you should have canceled that trip. Yeah, really yeah there's a time we should, just when I'm talking about okay, I mean listen, listen, understand what you're saying go hindsight is everything right, and that's my selfishness, saying, had I done that right, I wouldn't be telling this story and I'd have my partner back yes, I mean we could.
Speaker 1:We could say that about a lot of things, right, but I've also said this a lot. If it's, if it's kicking back, it probably ain't meant to be. And just saying that, and listening to my own self-talk and listening to your story, you're probably right and Bonnie and I have canceled some things.
Speaker 2:It's not right, just blessings for not doing it.
Speaker 1:There's times where I get and I talked Katie and I got in a big old squabble with her last Friday. I got into something that I had just dead set on my mind and, god damn it. Don't you know who the fuck I am. I'm going to get it fucking done. And I yelled and screamed at some guys on the phone and told them how big of a, what I thought of them, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I never did get my way and come to find out what we were trying to do is showing up today and it's just but, but going. But there's been a lot of times where I've kicked and screamed about a trip or doing something like that and probably you're probably right or bought a house, or bought a car or bought something that we forced our way through it, that we God was trying to protect us.
Speaker 3:And yeah, no, just really quick on that. There's been many times in my life where I've been at that juncture and I've acknowledged it and and I know that when things like that come up, I know when to say, okay, this is not right. And that was one of those times, but no fault of anybody's, it's just the the way that it worked out. I felt obligated to be there with my brothers who were, who stepped up and said, heck, yeah, I'll go, Jay, I'll, I'll go with you. And the fact that this is something that I really wanted since day one.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's the you know and and so when Larry said what he said, I was like I wanted to grab onto that. You know in hindsight the door was closed, right, but anyway, what?
Speaker 1:never listen that fucker larry right, I trust me. I learned that too, that's.
Speaker 3:That's a definitely so last time I listened to that right anyway, that was just what about how god works?
Speaker 2:and even though god was closing doors, god knows the beginning from the end, thank grace. Brad's wife started a little flower business, so Brad had to buy our little refrigerator, had to get rid of a little mini. You know a little freezer, rob, you want it just a little pure. I had it in my backyard. We didn't have any space to put in it yet, so it just sat in my garage for a minute that's what rooster went in got some ice and that's what was winning nice hadn't used it yet yeah, but you go back to your original.
Speaker 1:One was living, living life on life's terms, so that's what you're talking about, right?
Speaker 3:yeah, I just I wanted to share that because, like you said, the pink cloud wasn't there, right?
Speaker 1:it got taken out from under me and I think for even me, as I was trying so hard to enjoy that trip. Now it was awesome being around that, but I was trying so hard to enjoy that trip that I wasn't enjoying it. Yeah, does that make sense?
Speaker 1:yeah, for sure I was just yeah, you were working too hard I was working too hard to enjoy that trip because I had scheduled this and scheduled that and I'm going to be here, and I'm going to be here, and I'm going to be there. We're going to do this, we're going to do that and nothing I planned worked out there. If you want to make God laugh, what do you do? Tell him what you're going to do. Tell him your plans.
Speaker 2:Tell him your plan. Let's look at what I'm going to do.
Speaker 1:You know what, though, jason, you and I are so, so much alike when, right, but I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna do this, check, check, check, check, check, check, right. So then we go to execute it. Right, we go to execute our plan, and that plan don't go as we check. You know that we intended it for it to go. I I get, you know, I get distraught, I I don't know how to recover, and I think a little bit of that is just some adhd or whatever, because when I go to bed at night, you can ask my, my wife, this I have to have four cookies, not three, not two, it has to be four. Exactly, that's Doug. He spent the night with me. This numb nut spent the night with me.
Speaker 2:He tried to spook me all night. We were fishing in a motor home. You were there, that's right. He's got to have noise. My brain doesn't. My farting wasn't enough. It's quiet.
Speaker 1:Have to have for. But that's just. I'm just weird that way that I have to have things go my way, because it's just that's the selfishness in me and when I set my Well, that's, that's comfort. I don't know it is on certain things, but on other things it's pure selfishness. Right Me wanting to go to me wanting to go to Canada, that was. There was a lot of selfishness there. We had a wedding coming on this month. This year I didn't have any.
Speaker 2:Extra funds to go.
Speaker 1:I didn't have the extra funds to go, right. And when, when those things started going sideways on Doug and I, right, but ours was just the Airbnb, that was the only thing that ended up costing us $1,500 for us to stay, instead of the 700. Right, but that was extra funds that I didn't need to be spending, but by God, we were going to go anyways. That could have been Doug and I's first response is hey, let's back out of this. Yeah, but I mean, we didn't.
Speaker 1:But we do that with a lot of things. I do it with a lot of things in my own life. Whether it's like I dealt with on Friday because I had it, when they told me no, I was like the no, I'm gonna do it right, and I just took myself down an alley that I got, my anger got up. I was calling names to people I didn't need to be calling names to, but it was once I stopped and katie and it went on for like two hours and katie was mad at me because I was doing it and once I, once I calmed back down, I'm like that was just fucking stupid. That's stupid, it's dumb.
Speaker 2:Well, and I'm not saying that everything in life is going to go smooth If it doesn't go perfectly smooth back out, because that's God's way of saying it, Right? That's not right, no, but when you start to question and here it is this is You're right yeah.
Speaker 2:You're right when you are a man, because a lot of guys early in sobriety they'll come up to a crossroads. Probably they'll call their sponsor. Do I go left or do I go right? Was God going to bless right? Am I going to do God's will and I say well, you've had a spiritual awakening, results in steps. You're a believer in God. You're walking God's path as best you can. No one's perfect. Which way do you want to go? Go right, Right, God's going to bless right. He's not going to. The road's not blessed.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because God's the road's blessed, because God's blessing you and you're on that road Right. You want to go left?
Speaker 1:Go left. Then you got those guys that'll ask 20 people but don't stay.
Speaker 2:But do something. Don't stand still. You know I want to do God's will. God's will is going to bless you. You're his son. He's going to bless the road because his son's on it. Right go, left, right. You know now, if you're kicking the neighbor and fucking the dog, don't, don't, don't, don't expect to hear from the voice of God. But if you're doing your best to live right, yeah, you should clearly hear the voice of your father.
Speaker 1:But if you're fucking the neighbor and kicking the dog, that's okay.
Speaker 2:That's all right If she's hot, Hot midget Anyway. But Jason, you are, I mean you're doing the deal.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You got spoken to. Yeah, I mean many times, yeah, and in that instance say a prayer Lord, right, I need one more. You, lord, I need one more. You know, it's just like getting in the fleece. God gave him the fleece. Okay, now, lord, tomorrow the fleece is going to be dry and the ground is going to be wet. He questioned God and God did it. Every time I'm with you, I got you. He'll do the same for us All right.
Speaker 1:If we listen, if we listen and put our will out of the way you said obligation because you were, I mean jason's- nothing but a man, if he says he's going to kick your ass tomorrow 5 30 he'll do it.
Speaker 2:5 25 you better be looking looking over your shoulder he's coming, jason, he's on his way I get it, but here, but this is this is where I fall. Because what do I say? Uh, if you make a decision based on fear, guilt, shame, no matter what it is, I'm gonna go walk this old lady across the street. If your motives are wrong, the decision is wrong, right, right. So we've always got to. Why am I doing what I'm doing?
Speaker 1:yeah, I mean, you know which again hindsight yeah, I tell you the hardest dog to pick up was not rooster oh yeah, I cried my fucking sorry again.
Speaker 2:I cried my damn eyes out going to get that first dog I think you think it was, but I knew this was was Jason's sobriety dog. My brother he's in Canada. His family was running scared Jake's upset. I cried the whole time just running for him. I bawled my eyes out going to pick it. Then the dog was. Last time I saw Rooster, he was a lot bigger than this dog. The dog was in bad shape. Last time I saw Rooster, he was a lot bigger than this dog. The dog was in bad shape. So I just grabbed him by the feet. Grabbed him by the feet, put him in the back. When I got to Rooster, he was whole, whole, I mean beautiful, beautiful, sleeping.
Speaker 1:Yeah sad, sad. So yeah, living life on life's terms we just ate.
Speaker 2:What did Brandon send us? Sad? So yeah, living life on life's terms. Well, you say you're probably. What a brand of citizen you know that little picture, and no matter what we don't drink, no matter what club.
Speaker 1:No, and that's what I said already, because if you'll drink over one thing, you'll drink over anything, anything, and you're just waiting for that reason, right?
Speaker 3:well, what? What got me on this whole deal and why I went into so much depth? Is it that little incident crushed me? What's not little, though.
Speaker 2:It's not like. Well, I, I, I understand but you're, we're weighing it to Matt and Mary and their six year old son, yeah. We're all fat, we're all fathers.
Speaker 3:There's a couple other people too. No, you're right, you know, I can't even imagine. I love, I can't even imagine.
Speaker 2:We love our animals, but there's not your child.
Speaker 3:Exactly right, and so you know, but it took me to such a dark place where I didn't want to be a part of society. Weird, Just weird. Like for two months I struggled the first two weeks I couldn't even think.
Speaker 1:You even told um doug and I that you weren't going to come until later. Right, you said, I'm not going to come until later. Then, all of a sudden, you showed up and yeah, I can't remember all the little ins and outs.
Speaker 1:You told doug and I, you said, hey, we're not going to make it till later. And you told us what. It kind of told us what had happened. And then all of a sudden you appeared and you'd look, beat up, and you said I, I had to get out of there, I couldn't sit there.
Speaker 2:Yeah it's just sitting fake right. That's the worst thing for us.
Speaker 3:Oh no, it was, it was, it was every second of right, every, I mean it was and then it consumed me, it consumed me then I had to go home to it and I and I relate it to you know, when I was early in sobriety, you have to go through all of those steps. You have to go through all the birthday parties, all the graduation parties, all the christmas, you know all the seasons. All that dog was with me everywhere I went. And then I had to drive by where he got ran over for the first time and remember now this is, I'm supposed to be his keeper, I'm supposed to be his keeper, I'm supposed to be taking care of this guy, right, and he's running, scared, all I could picture him is him running with his head looking over his shoulder, trying to get away from these fireworks and looking for dad.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and just bam Sucks.
Speaker 1:Yeah, anyway, it is not a kid but man, we get attached to our animals.
Speaker 3:Holy crap, it was rough. It took me to a place that I haven't felt for six years, for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's too bad. All right, guys. Jason, I never see you enough, rob. I see you way too fucking fucking anybody, I need your help oh no I need your help. I can't tell you what it is.
Speaker 2:You can never ask me about it later and we're going to hurt some people thanks for joining us today we hope you learned something today that will help you if you did not come back next week and we'll try again if you like what we heard, give us a 5 star review. If you don't like what you heard, kiss my ass. I can't say that, can you? Anyway, if you don't like what you heard, go ahead and tell us that too. We'll see what we can improve. We probably won't change nothing, but do it anyway.
Speaker 1:Hey, thanks, Rob. Come back next week and hopefully something will be different and something will sink in. Take care, this has been.
Speaker 2:Recovery Unfiltered.