When Travel Stops Feeling Magical

When Travel Stops Feeling Magical

We talk a lot about how much we love this life… and we do. We really do.

But sometimes, the magic fades a little.

In this episode, we’re opening up about a harder stretch of full-time travel. Since mid-November, it’s been one thing after another. Breakdowns, flat tires, our RV fridge completely giving out… and trying to figure all of that out while constantly on the move.

Because when something goes wrong out here, it’s not just inconvenient. It’s figuring out where to go, who to trust, how to fix it, and how to keep moving forward without your usual support system.

We also talk about what it looks like when sickness hits on the road. Especially with kids. No regular doctor, unexpected costs, canceled plans, and long travel days that are just plain hard.

And then there’s the little things you don’t always think about. Rising gas and food prices changing how we travel. Cutting back on eating out. 

This lifestyle is still something we’re incredibly grateful for. But this episode is about the reality behind it. The moments when it feels heavy. The days when the magic takes a back seat.

And why, even then, we still choose it. 🤍

Transcript

  We are the Essary family and we're exploring America one destination at a time. Today on TravelEssary, we are going to discuss what happens when travel stops feeling magical. Let's chat.

Welcome and thank you for joining us on this episode as we talk about when travel stops feeling magical. Now this is one that can get very deep and it's one that we can spend a mass amount of time on talking about all the ins and outs, but we just wanna keep this as short and as informational as possible.

But I've got to say for us so far. It's still magical. Yeah. I mean, as a whole it's definitely still really good. , It's still. Feeling like vacation some days, but there are moments when the magic, um, disappears and it kind of fades off into the background while you deal with like real world problems that are not so magical.

And if you've kept up with our YouTube, you know that pretty much since. mid-November until just a few weeks ago, things were not magical for us in the sense that everything was breaking. , Jeremy had several moments in the truck that things had to be fixed, literally breaking down in the middle of Chicago several times where he needed new tires.

We've needed new tires on. Justin's car on the SUV. We've had a refrigerator to break inside of the rv, and it was just, it just felt like it was one thing after the other. Yeah. It felt like no matter where we went, no matter what we did, , we were going through some type of breakage. We were fixing something, repairing something, and it was almost to the point where, like, I don't wanna say I, I don't wanna travel anymore, but it was that point of, okay.

We're about to go here or I'm about to go do a run. What's gonna break now? Yeah, like just anticipating something's going to break. Totally anticipating every single time that you took off in the truck that it was going to be put back in the shop again. 'cause it felt like that's what was happening.

Whether it was like something going on under the hood or something wrong with a tire or something . It just felt like it was constantly , happening to your truck. And then we kept having flat tires in Justin's vehicle and we kept having issues with that one, and then our refrigerator went out and I just felt like, man, this is, I knew that there was gonna be a lot of repairs on the road, but it all kind of felt like it was happening at once.

And during that time we were mostly working and it was cold and we were inside a lot, and it did not feel quite so magical. But that's just one of those things. It's when everything breaks, whenever you're traveling. And you think that your traveling is going to be picture perfect, everything's gonna work out.

And then especially if you're driving a vehicle, this is a huge issue that whenever things start to break, that's whenever it doesn't feel magical. Whenever you're stuck on the side of the road or the interstate, or you're having to put your car in the shop to get something fixed and you're either having to rent the car or.

Come up with another solution that you weren't fully prepared for or you know, even financially prepared for that. You know, it stops feeling magical and more like a chore type of thing. Yeah, and I know that is the case for everybody, whether you're traveling or not, but there is' an added challenge to it whenever you're traveling.

Actually, several. Added challenges for one, you are usually not going to be close to someone that can help you when you're in your hometown, around your friends and your family and your circle of people, you know, you have people you can call and be like, Hey, I need help. I need a favor. I'm, I'm calling that in.

You don't have that when you're on the road. That's true. 'cause even if you are traveling to visit family in another state, 12 hours down the road or something like that, and you get halfway. There's no one in halfway land. Mm-hmm. And then you're having to figure out, do I get the people in front of me? Do I get the people behind me?

Do I just figure this out and then just get to my destination? Or do I just have to turn around and go back home? Yeah. Which could enter in your trip a whole lot earlier than what you expect, and then it's not magical. Another thing that we have ran into. Is when you are at home, you know where everything is, you know where all the tire shops are, you know where the auto body parts are, you know where to get a refrigerator.

But when you're on the road, several times it has happened when we're going down the highway and Jeremy's , I need help. It's eight o'clock at night. I need to find the closest place that I can get a new tire. And we're just like getting on Google and calling and calling and researching and trying and hopefully.

Finding somewhere like it's just like , a wing and a prayer at that point. , You don't know this area, and so you're just like, what do I do? Yeah, you can get very comfortable with your surroundings when you have a home base or , you're in one central location all the time, and , you just know the surrounding, you know , the cheapest, you know the ones that are gonna get it done the fastest.

And whenever you're traveling, it's just a whim. There was one time that I went, uh, broke down in Chicago. They jumped on my vehicle. The very first thing in the morning, I was out by lunch. I, I am gonna say yes, we've had the not so magical moments, but in every one of those moments, like we have found a small blessing.

Like the people have always been very accommodating for you. They have got you in and out as quick as possible knowing that you need to be on the road. Um, they've let you, you know, camp out in their parking lots and., It's not a good situation, but it could have been worse.

Yeah. And then, you know, you have the Chicago thing and then you have another place that I went to that they were super nice people, super awesome, but it took them forever. Mm-hmm. And I didn't get on the road till after like one, two o'clock and I still had almost a full day drive left to go. , You're just left up to their mercy. An interesting challenge that we came to when it came to the refrigerator. Well, if you watched our YouTube or you follow us on social media, you know that we had multiple challenges when it comes to this refrigerator.

Um, other than getting it out, a challenge that we faced was getting rid of it. Yes. So, if you don't know. You can't just get rid of certain things. You can't just like take 'em to a dump ground or put 'em in a dumpster. There are things such as refrigerators and certain electronics and appliances that , they have to have batteries removed or they have to have Freon removed or whatever it is.

It has to be removed and emptied, and a lot of the times that has to be done by a certified person. Who, what did the g they green tag it or something like that? Yeah, , they have to drain it. Then they have to verify that it's been drained before you take it to any kinda landfill or recycling place.

There's extra steps and extra process besides just throwing it away in the dumpster. Yeah. And because when you're traveling, if, if you do, you know, find someone who can do that for you and you're able to go take it to the dump ground, if you do not have a local zip code, you've gotta pay. Um.

S butt load of money to get rid of that. Yes. There's an extra fee to it for sure. Everywhere that I've been. , If you don't have like a water bill or your driver license doesn't have an address into their county mm-hmm. You're paying an extra fee to use their facilities. Yes. Or they just don't let you at all, which is an issue that we ran into.

So what we ended up doing, what someone suggested to us was that we list it on Facebook marketplace just for scraps. Like there are people who will take it for scraps and they'll empty it and they'll do all the stuff. And we did that and we got very fortunate. A guy was interested in it. , We took it to him and he took it off our hands and we didn't have to pay a dime.

, But that is another challenge that you have to think about when you're on the road. It's not just as easy as it is at home. Like if we would've been at home, Jeremy would've had all the tools he needed to get the refrigerator out. He would've had multiple hands to help him get it out. We would've hauled it off to the dumpster.

It wouldn't have been a big deal. It would've been nothing. But you know, we, we faced a series of hurdles doing it on the road. Like, okay, well there's this hurdle. Okay, now we have another one. Now we have another one. And then the last challenge we faced was replacing it. Again, you don't know where anything is when you're on the road, and you have to do as much research as you can.

But Google lets us down sometimes Google lets us down a lot because sometimes you'll, you'll find the most obvious places. But you won't find the hidden places that might have it cheaper or more variety for you to actually like get it that same day. Yeah. And 'cause we went to three different stores, six or seven different times because we kept on looking at their inventory and then like, Hey, do you have this?

Well, we only have display, we have to order one in whenever. We could have, you know, went to a local place that probably had one, the exact one that we wanted. Four, probably a little bit cheaper or maybe a little bit more expensive, but it was there and available instead of having to order one in whenever we just made the decision of like, okay, this is what we're gonna do.

And then, you know, we went and we got our refrigerator. Yeah, so take it from us. When you have things that are breaking on the road, it's not so magical, and we have said this many times, but you definitely have to have the mindset of, it's okay if this happens, it's part of this life. I'm gonna keep going because if you cannot think along this way, um, every single little breakdown is going to make you lose your mind.

so another time when things stopped feeling magical and lucky for us, this kept happening right in the middle of all of our breakdowns is when someone is sick, especially whenever it's one of your children. It makes it that much harder as a parent when your kids are sick as an adult, you get sick, you just live with it, you move on.

But when your kids are sick, oh, it makes it so hard. And this past winter, I think Jasper caught a stomach virus in three different occasions. And then I caught that virus each time and Jeremy was not with us any of those times. He was out traveling. So I was having to deal with that myself, in fact. When was it when you broke down in Chicago?

Like I was literally dealing with Jasper being sick and me being sick and it was, no, I was on 70 between Indianapolis and St. Louis where I had a flat tire. When you had a flat tire? Yeah. So it was the second time your truck went? It was the second to the coot. Okay. And Jeremy was calling me like. I need help.

I need help finding this entire place. And I'm like, I'm cleaning up your child's puke. And I'm trying not to puke myself., You're gonna have to figure this one out on your own. Like I cannot be very helpful right now. But it's hard when you're traveling in someone's. Sick because you don't have your normal doctors.

Like you can't just go to your normal pediatrician, you have to go to an urgent care or an ER or something like that. And you have to work with people in places you're not familiar with. If it's , a situation where you need to go to the doctor, well, on top of that, it brings in a whole different aspect that I just thought of that, you know, talking about.

Your doctors or even your local hospital, if you have insurance and they're outside mm-hmm. Of your community or your coverage area, then you're paying extra on top of that mm-hmm. For the, that person to get looked at for that person , to get medicine or heaven forbid of surgery , or some type.

And then on top of that, if you have any plans happening and someone gets sick and you've gotta cancel those plans, which we've done a whole episode talking about that before, but it does take away from that magic a little bit.

, You're like, oh, , we were going to go hanging out at the beach today, but we can't because little man's got a stomach bug and , we don't wanna take him anywhere. Or someone has to make that sacrifice. Of , and stay home while everyone else , I'll stay in the Airbnb, I'll stay in the hotel.

I'll stay in the rv. Y'all go do this because we've already spent the money. This is the only day that we're gonna be able to do this. Someone needs to go enjoy it. But even whenever you split the party, , you have two different groups, it's still not as magical as it could have been with everyone there.

Yeah. That is one of the good things about full-time travel. Because it is something we do day in and day out. If that happens, it's not quite as hard of a hit as if it's on a vacation. Like when you're on a vacation and you have a limited amount of time that you can go and enjoy this moment. As a family, it hits so much harder than.

Than it does now. Mostly now it's just an inconvenience. Well, it's inconvenience, unless it's something that we plan like the last two or three days that we're at a spot and then that gets canceled or bad weather comes in and we're not able to do that, and then we don't have time to make that up. Yeah.

For me. It's more of an inconvenience on travel days and you guys, lately that has been an issue with me and Jasper on these long travel days. He has been getting car sick and it is, it's just not been fun. I'm not gonna go into detail, but it's not been fun. Um, talk about inconvenience, talk about the magic completely coming to a halt.

It is definitely on those travel days, especially when we're in their car for anywhere from like five to eight hours, which we have been lately because we were coming from, you know, Texas to Alabama, then Alabama to Florida, and so it, we've had a lot of traveling here lately. And I love a road trip. I love a good road trip and I enjoy that aspect so much, but not when I'm having to stop like every hour or so to deal with a car sick, 2-year-old.

Well, and , sometimes the inconvenience of pulling over to deal with the situation. Yes. I mean. Pulling over on the interstate is never a good idea. No. Sometimes you have to do it, and I understand, uh, finding an exit is always number one, but sometimes you can get on some of these back roads, especially the ones that you take where there is no shoulder, there is no pullover area.

Mm-hmm. Especially in Alabama. If you're going through their beautiful country, we love it in Alabama, but there's sometimes there's nowhere to pull over because they don't believe in shoulders. Yeah. I cannot tell you how many times with him I have pulled over in like a rural driveway. Just like someones driveway.

Yeah, someone's driveway. Someone that's, that's usually what you, you have to do. Like a long gated driveway or something like that. Or like an abandoned gas station or just whatever I can find. 'cause you're right, there is no shoulder. It's still preferred to me than pulling over on the interstate and trying to find an exit, which is why I travel the way that I travel.

But, uh, yeah, that is super, super inconvenient and not very magical at all.

, Getting sick on vacation or any kind of traveling absolutely sucks and it takes away the magic. Another thing that we've been facing more here lately than when we first started traveling is when everything starts getting expensive. Yes. And this could happen at any point in time. Yeah, so right now what we're facing and what all of America is facing is skyrocketing gas prices and it almost happened overnight. So I was filling up the SUV for , oh, 40, $42, and it was getting me pretty far.

I didn't have to stop for a while, and now it's like 60 bucks to fill up that sucker. That's about, it's about 56, 50 $7. Yes. And we all know when gas prices go up, everything else goes up, everything follows, and then slowly the salary start to catch up. And then with Jeremy having up. Big diesel truck and us pulling our fifth wheel, like we are noticing a difference in our budget.

Like I'm having to rethink some things and move stuff around. We have eaten out quite a bit lately, but that is about to come to a drastic. Um, halt or maybe not a complete halt, but definitely less. Financially when we first started, we talked about a lot that, you know, we would only be able to eat out once, maybe twice a week.

Well, things have been going a lot better first than expected, and we've been able to eat out way more than that. But with these gas prices, I'm kind of afraid to keep that going because eating now is expensive. And while we do enjoy it, we also enjoy eating at home and we enjoy being able to have money to continue this lifestyle.

, I know I'm saying this for everybody right now, but I cannot wait for those gas prices to be lowered again, and I hope it does not take years because we have a lot of traveling ahead of us. Yeah. I hope it, it doesn't take years like it did the last time for everything to kind of. Come back down and kind of settle back out.

It felt like we were just getting settled and everything was starting to plan out and everything was starting to make sense and then this happened. Yeah. Our gas prices and our grocery budget now will have to increase which means we'll have to move. Other things around, and it's just, it's a pain.

It's a pain when that happens. It's not very magical. Like you're enjoying it and all of a sudden you're slapped with like $4 gallon gas prices. Well, it's also to the point that if you go on anything, you know, if you're going on a cruise, you're going on anything that has to do with fuel. Mm-hmm. Um, if you don't have that planned out six months to a year and you're like, oh, I'm just gonna go buy those tickets, and then all of a sudden those tickets are 10, $15 more than what they are, you know, six months ago. Because you didn't plan that out. I mean, sometimes people want to do things and they're like, oh yeah, I remember going here to this one place and you know, I wanna go take my family or my fiance, or you know, someone.

Special to this place, and then you find out that the prices have risen so much that it's like, financially, I would love to take you, but we can't afford to go now. . And so things that get expensive can ruin the magic. Yeah. I know. Matter of fact, the very first time, actually, the very last time that we did a full Disney trip, and we're looking at Disney prices now and kind of how they've reconstructed their ticket.

Process. Yeah. It's so expensive. Is expensive now. And I mean, it's not uber expensive if you plan it right. But it is one of those where if you're going for a day or two days, the tickets have just gotten more expensive and it kind of ruins , the magic of it. Yeah. Not saying that all the magic is in the price, but I mean, who would not want to go to Disney World for less than $4,000?

That'd be amazing. Right? Right now it's no less than $6,000. There's a difference now. Yeah, and so, you know, unfortunately we live in a money world and when things get in expensive kind of takes the. The magic, the, the magic. The little umph. The, the extraness out of it a little bit. Yeah. Because whenever , you're feeling comfortable in your budget and your finances and you're able to do things that feels really nice.

It's a really nice thing no matter what it is in life, that you're wanting to pay your bills to travel, to collect things, to whatever hobbies that you have. But then whenever something changes in the world that changes your financial system. Yeah, it's kind of sucks. Okay, so the last thing that I wanna talk about, which is kind of silly, and it's gonna sound like first world problems after discussing some of the other things that we talked about, but it is a problem that we have started running into that I didn't anticipate.

I didn't anticipate this being a problem as much as it is, but whenever you are traveling and you get attached to something like a certain product or a certain environment or whatever it is, and then you leave and it's no longer available to you. Oh my goodness. I did not know that. This is where you were going with this.

This is hilarious, y'all. I found this out yesterday. Whenever we went to the grocery store, it was, um, oh man. It was the funniest thing in the world. It was actually two days ago, but Okay. That's just one instance though. But no, I mean, I even had conversations with, , the people at, at the local church that were going to, one of the guys is from Texas and he's like, oh my gosh, I miss it so bad.

And they like live here. Mm-hmm. And they're not even on vacation, but because they moved away from Texas, , and I'm gonna say it because Texas is very proud of it. H-E-B-H-E-B? Yes. Oh, I do miss HEB, but not as much as I guess other people would because I haven't had a local one for like eight to 10 years.

Like I, it's been a long time since I've had a local HEB. Um, it was nice when we were traveling around Texas to have access to all of those HEBs, but things that I miss. Specifically from Texas is, this was what we ran into at the store the other day. My best made pickles. I didn't realize that was a Texas thing until we left Texas and then they were no longer available.

Like apparently, I. They're from Fort Worth, like the company is in Fort Worth and it's just a Texas thing. I'm very disappointed because there are no comparative to best made pickles. They're simply the best. Like there is no comparative. Um, I do miss Texas barbecue, although it was good in Alabama. It's good in Alabama and it's good in Florida.

It's good in Florida. I know I'm gonna miss it once we start heading up the East coast. Oh yeah. It, it's gonna change. We get to the Carolinas. Yes. And it changes drastically. Right now it's still pretty good. . And then in Alabama. I know I'm gonna miss their white barbecue sauce.

White barbecue sauce. I did buy some, I'm some, I purchased some while we were there, but I haven't seen it since we've left Alabama, so I don't know if I'm gonna get to purchase it again anytime soon. Well, and I think that's gonna be a thing that we're gonna kind of run into like a little cycle that we're gonna' stock on certain things when we're in certain places.

Yeah. Like we're gonna miss like their little niche or . Their little specialty, like , the white sauce in Alabama. Alabama. , I know that once we run out of it, we're definitely going , to miss it. I miss the Houston area and all of the Asian markets, , we haven't been anywhere since then that has had all of the Asian markets.

Yeah, I know We will eventually find somewhere, and I can restock on everything, but there are things that I'm out of from the Asian markets that we use. A lot and I haven't been able to replace yet, and people are like, oh, you can just go to, you know, to the local store and grab something that's equivalent.

No, it's not the same. It's not, it's not the same or it , doesn't even exist now here in Florida, it's not so much a product that I'm going to miss. I'm going to miss the weather and the environment. Yes, . Granted, we are in early spring and it has been absolutely beautiful.

Oh my gosh. The weather's been perfect every single day. Like so perfect. Lightly cloudy, breezy. Mid seventies, low eighties. Yeah. It hasn't got above like 85, 88, which for some people that's hot. But for us Texans, that's beautiful weather. It's beautiful. And it's not humid at all. Especially whenever it has, like you'll get a little sprinkle every now and then it just goes away.

Yeah. And it really hasn't been that humid. It's been so, so nice. I know that I'm going to miss the beautiful scenery and the beautiful weather here in Florida. Luckily, we still have another month and a half in Florida, so that's not gonna be anytime soon. So I'm very excited about that. But you just don't realize that you're going to become so attached to something and then it not be available because most people, , you're stationary, you're in a sticks and bricks home, you're.

If you're in a local area or community, or even if you move, then you become accustomed to a new community, but you know what is there and what you love and how to get it. And then you leave that community and you're like, oh crap, I don't have that anymore. Well, when we're traveling, we become kind of part of that community for two to three weeks and Right.

However long we're there, we become a part of that community. 'cause we want to take in as much as possible. Yeah. And be a part of that community. And then we become attached to those things and they're kind of hard to, to say goodbye to. And , here's the thing that we are definitely noticing, and it's gonna become more prominent the more we move around.

And , if you know anything about us, if you've, listened to any of our stuff or watched anything, we're all about food. Kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Just a little bit. , There's certain foods, there's even certain, I I wanna say chain restaurants, but they're not really. National . Chains, , they might have 15, 16 different stores in a little region, and once you leave that region, , you never see them again. Yeah. So that food that you're like, oh man, that was so good. I cannot wait to go to another one. And then you move one state away and there's zero of them there.

Then you're having to like, what's equivalent? Mm-hmm. What, what kind of food do y'all have here that, that we can become really familiar and really love? Like Alabama was all about comfort food. Yes. They had some food that I was like, oh, this is some good stuff. This is really, really good Actually. Also, I'm gonna be completely honest, food wise, Alabama has been my least favorite.

Stop. It has, but there, I don't know, something about, um, what was that barbecue place that we went to? Okay. Now their barbecue was spot on. We went to a barbecue place. Full moon barbecue. Full moon barbecue. And , it's a chain, , but it's only like a local chain. Yeah. Chain. It's a local chain.

It's not a whole bunch of restaurants. And , I hope we find barbecue again. I know there's gonna be a lot of people that are like, oh, y'all haven't tried this barbecue. Hit us up in the, comments or, you know, however you can get ahold of us. We would love to hear , that's kind of our little niche.

I, I guess we would say that's kind of our specialty. We love barbecue. Hey, we're Texans. I love so barbecue. I love Mexican food. I don't know, I just love food. Don't, yeah. Don't get me started. Don't say I love one more than the other. 'cause I just love food. All the different styles of food that are out there . Yeah. We're gonna be going up the east coast this summer, so if there's somewhere up the east coast, there's something that you're like, Hey, you must try this product or this type of restaurant, or something that you think like, you need to get attached to this.

Yeah. If you, if there's something you think we're gonna get attached to, and then be disappointed when we leave. Let us know what that is so we can try it. Yes. When we're there, I would love to get attached to it. Yeah. And then to be sad when we leave it. Well, here's the thing, so I haven't really talked to Misty about this, but I have noticed like what cabinets we get in mm-hmm.

And what we like use already kind of being away from home and what we kind of haven't even really touched. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, there's a whole lot more room in here. Than what I thought. Because we can actually get rid of some stuff. Yeah. And by doing that, I actually have already gotten rid of some steps.

Start travel is gonna open up even more storage spaces for us so we can, so when we come across those products, when you come, whenever we come across best made pickles, again, we can get like, oh, you two or three gallon bottom, because those will last. For years, you can guarantee, actually, I had a friend of mine comment on our, um, Facebook post about the best made pickles, and they live in Arkansas now.

We graduated together in Texas. But she said they have some friends that go to Texas frequently, and while they're there, they have them stock up on best made pickles and stuff for them so that when they bring them back to Arkansas, , they're stocked up for a little while. And I was like, that's smart, and I need to do that Same thing whenever we go to, .

Specifically, I mean, we love Asian food. , Whenever we go to an Asian place, we can just stock up on all the stuff that we need because yeah, I love, I love Korean mayonnaise and I love the specific kinds of Asian soy sauce. Yes. And there are things that you cannot buy. Anywhere unless, and certain noodles that you Yes.

That you're not gonna find, like the ramen, I like, you're not gonna find it any, any other store. Yeah. Except for an Asian grocery store. And I loved having those in the Houston area. So for like six to nine weeks we had. Tons of Asian grocery stores. Oh. And stuff, man. All around us. And could the, I could go pick it up whenever I wanted to.

And now I'm like, Ugh, we're out. We use it so much, we're out. Yeah. And I'm like, man, I need some, A good bowl of ramen. Done the right way is, I know we went to Walmart the other day and. I was like, I'm out of ramen, but I don't wanna buy any of this ramen. 'cause I'm kind of spoiled now. Yes. So if I eat it, like it has to be good ramen.

See, uh, travel is making us snooty. I need good weather and good food, or I just can't survive. Oh man, what have we turned into? , Even at home, you know. We, we ran into several couples in, um, I can't remember where we were at, but they had. Tuesday They went here.

Wednesday they went here. Oh, to eat. Oh, that's when we were in Colorado River. Yeah. Colorado. Yeah. Columbus, Columbus, Texas. They, they were, you know, they had their eating places decked out for the entire time that they were there, and it was a routine that they went on to because they got attached to those places.

Yeah. Every Tuesday they went to the chicken place. Every Wednesday they did the potluck. Every Thursday they did the pizza and they, yeah, it was like they're, it's something that, that they became attached to. , Although we are loving this lifestyle, loving, it's not always magical. We have some very real moments that come along with it, but we're learning to adjust and adapt and move on with them. But if, if you're interested in doing it, just know it's not all sunshine and rainbows. There are times when it just does not feel that magical.