Doing It With The Daniels Podcast
Welcome to ‘Doing It With The Daniels’! This is where we show couples how to GET-IT-ON in life, marriage, AND ministry! 🚀
Doing It With The Daniels Podcast
It's You, Not Me
Ever prayed for your partner only to realize you might need some help yourself? On this episode of "Doing it With the Daniels," we share our eye-opening experiences of initially seeking divine intervention to "fix" each other, only to discover the transformative power of praying for mutual support and understanding. We'll guide you through the journey of calming your mind before prayer and asking for God's wisdom to truly comprehend and meet your spouse's needs. Learn how this shift in perspective not only resolves conflicts but also builds empathy, strengthens bonds, and fosters personal growth.
Join us as we recount the pivotal moments where humility and self-reflection changed our approach to marital communication. Discover how we moved from merely hearing each other to genuinely listening, thanks to a profound spiritual awakening. By embracing biblical teachings, we unraveled the secrets to a loving and respectful marriage. We share how applying virtues like patience and kindness, seeking godly counsel, and understanding the divine blueprint for husbands and wives, can transform relationships. Listen in to uncover how these principles have enriched our marriage and can do the same for yours.
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I think, learning to pray about that and really go to God and being like God yeah, deal with her, because I think that's the normal thing to say God, go, deal with that person, deal with my spouse and change them so that they conform to what I want them to be.
Speaker 2:Make them better for me, so I can stay the same and just fix them. Same and just fix them.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Doing it With the Daniels, the podcast where we navigate life, marriage and ministry. I'm Charles.
Speaker 2:And I'm Tisa. Join us as we share insights, wisdom and practical advice to strengthen your marriage, empower your life and enrich your ministry.
Speaker 1:Let's dive in together and discover the joys of doing it with the Daniels. Hey, we are back for another episode of Doing it With the Daniels, where we help couples get it on in life, marriage and ministry. Thank you for joining us again, man. We can't wait to jump in and help you. Well, baby, Thanks. What are we talking about?
Speaker 2:We are talking about prayer today. All right prayer, yeah. Specifically in marriage. All right prayer, yeah.
Speaker 1:Specifically in marriage.
Speaker 2:In marriage, yes, couples praying for one another.
Speaker 1:I think coming out of our last episode talking about fighting, where we really saw who you used to be. Thank God that he saved you.
Speaker 2:Who I used to be. I love that Used to be. You hear that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, who we both used to be, praise God, but I think one of the things that we did not go to, we kind of talked about our communication and where we kind of navigated around some things and yeah I began to help us communicate better.
Speaker 1:Different strategies talked about, uh, my book communicate, connect and how that is beneficial to people. But uh, one thing we didn't talk about was prayer. Prayer and how we would have blow ups or arguments or whatever to the point that we would because we were believers. We would kind of Like get away from each other, like you go in your room, I go in my room or room in the house, just to like, ok, you go, do you going to do me right now? But we weren't doing anything crazy. We were actually praying and asking God for help.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think we had to refine our prayers, because I think every couple should pray for one another, especially if you love your spouse and you want your marriage to work, and we want it to work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think in that moment God had to help us to learn, like you said, how to pray, what to pray for each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because what were you praying for me at first?
Speaker 2:god he the problem, fix him, do this, do that. I was just, it was all about you and what you wasn't doing and how you were, instead of you know actually really praying for you or you know, and then looking at myself.
Speaker 1:So it was going to God, telling God how you were the problem and he need to fix you how many couples do you think do that like they're praying for their spouse, but they're praying along the lines of like, still their spouse being seen as the enemy yeah that God needs to come down and fix them and if they fix them, the marriage would be better yeah, exactly which I think I had that same approach with, and I was like, um, I was telling God, god, she crazy, god, god, you do something in her mind, change her thinking.
Speaker 1:God, help her to just calm down and stop making everything issue. God, help her like she's too uptight. God, help her to just see that it ain't. That was that uptight I mean. Well, to me, that's what I was going to god with, like and and like I said, that was my point of view and how I saw things, because I wanted you to be a certain way right in certain situations, instead of acknowledging how you are wired, as well as acknowledging that some of the ways you were responding was a result of what I was doing Exactly, not you just being that way.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And, I think, learning to pray about that and then really go to God and being like God. Yeah, deal with her, because I think that's the normal thing to say God, go, deal with that person, deal with my spouse and change them so that they conform to what I want them to be.
Speaker 2:Make them better for me, and so I can stay the same and just fix them, isn't it so?
Speaker 1:much easier to see the problem in others and even ask God. Like to ask God. God, go, work on them, fix them.
Speaker 2:Because I'm straight.
Speaker 1:Right, oh right, oh good, I got no flaws, nothing wrong with me, I'm good. God, they are the problem. And I mean, if you really and you got they upbringing messed them up, god you gotta heal. They passed, you know, and and all of those things may be fact right the reality is that that's really not the way to pray in that moment. No, and really praying when you frustrated yeah you know yeah, they're dealing with that.
Speaker 2:A lot of us pray for our partners while we're still angry yes, yeah, you got to kind of take a moment, take a step back and just really, really just settle first, and then you know, then you can go into prayer yeah, and I think that's where we kind of came to, where we begin to ask God OK, god, show me how to pray for my partner.
Speaker 1:Now I know, for me it went a little different. I'll tell you how I kind of shifted in my prayers concerning you because my mind wasn't there to shift. I was still on help her, god.
Speaker 1:And one day you made me mad because we were, we were having an argument and you said to me you sure got a good memory about all these arguments and what I said yeah, yeah, because I I take note of no, seriously, I take note of the turning points in in our relationship, the turning points of my walk with God and my walk with you, and I look at what changed because I'm always, you know, as leaders, as spiritual leaders, an apostle or pastor I'm thinking about somebody's going to need this Right, so I'm trying to pay attention, like God, what are the tools, the keys, what's the, what's the thing that shifted for us so that we can help give that to others, so they can make that shift.
Speaker 1:You see what I'm saying, yeah, and even if they're not ready to receive what we give them, they can at least pray and ask god to help them embrace it or gain understanding so they can make the shift. Okay, and I think for me, you may be mad because we win an argument and, just like we talked about in the previous episode, you said to me you don't listen me, and that made me so angry because I felt like all I do is listen to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all the time. And so my mom like you, talking all the time about something you don't like, something ideas.
Speaker 2:But you know you don't listen, because you told me when you talk I don't think I hear it. It's wah, wah, wah wah wah, wah, wah, you remember that. Huh, that's what you said, you heard, so it's just like I was valid. I was valid in that, so I'm talking and you just like, what's that? The Charlie Brown.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Wah, wah, wah wah.
Speaker 2:So that's what you told me one time and I'm just like like, oh, so he just really go to another place when I get to talking yeah, because it was this.
Speaker 1:I'm like it's the same old, same old nag. You know I'm so sick of hearing that, but it's so we. But when you said you don't listen to me, but I feel like I'm sitting here while you're saying whatever you need to say, I feel like I'm listening because I hear your voice going, I hear your mouth moving, but I wasn't really understanding and engaging what you were saying. But when you said you don't listen to me, yeah, I got mad, like what? You mean? We're sitting here wasting my time listening to all what you're saying right now and I think we kind of just like you, was kind of like forget it, whatever.
Speaker 1:And I got up and I went into this bedroom at that time and I sat on the edge of the bed and I it was very vivid because it was an encounter with god and I began to pray god help her, god help her to see that she got a good husband, god help her to deal with all this stuff she got. She said I don't listen to her, I'm trying to be here and this, and that God really help her. And God interrupted my praying or what I call praying at that time concerning you and trying to get him to touch you and change you. And he said to me very clearly I said God, in my prayer. I said God.
Speaker 1:She said I don't listen to her. And he responded to me and said you don't. And when I, when he said that it took all the vibrato out of me, it took all the air out of me and I came all the way down and I said wow. I said I don't God. He said no, you don't. He said and you don't listen to me either. I, oh, he said you do what you want to do when it's convenient for you. And this is what really got me. He said the same way you treat her is how you treat me.
Speaker 1:And when he said that I started repenting, you treat me. And when he said that I started repenting because what he was saying to me is that your relationship with me or with your wife is a reflection of your relationship with me.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I don't like the way your relationship with your wife is going, nor do I like the relationship that we have, wow, because you only listen when you want to, you only hear what you want to hear, and he was, like you do me the same way, and so for me here's a turning point. When he started dealing with my relationship with him, it started to shift my relationship with you because I realized, if I learned to treat you better, yeah.
Speaker 1:I would learn how to have a better relationship with him. And that's when, like I said, I started repenting and my prayer concerning you went from God change her to God. If you don't ever change, help me to be the kind of husband she needs me to be. Oh, that shifted everything and he started working on me and showing me things. And then he kept talking to me. He said OK.
Speaker 1:He said I don't like the way you treat her. I said well, god, that's my wife. I don't feel like I'm treating her bad. He was like no, I don't like the way you treat her. He said some things. There's some things you need to work on. He said because that's your wife and that's that's. That was my perspective. That's my wife.
Speaker 1:He was like, yeah, that's your wife, but then he said this. He said but that's also my daughter. I was like, wow. He said I don't like how you're treating my daughter, right, and I had the mindset that's my wife, my wife, she's mine. But he was like yes, she is your wife, but even though she's my, she's your wife, she's still my daughter, right, which means I'm I'm observing your treatment of her and how she's feeling and how you all are working together and I don't like the way you're handling her. And I had to repent some more and really hum, like that was a humbling day for me, like I still remember. It's even in my mind and I begin to repent as God forgive me for how I had treated you as well as how I treated him.
Speaker 2:And that was the day I started listening not just to you yeah but I started paying more attention to his voice and and really working on being obedient and, like I said, he shifted that, what was going on between he and I, and that, yeah, shifted you and I and I think I want to say I remember you coming to me and actually us sitting down and talking after that encounter, yeah, and just really really trying to get an understanding and just really just letting me talk.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that kind of helped me and I was like, OK, well, I started to go to God and say maybe it's me. So, God, I need you to work on me and you fix me. And so, and so my prayers changed from help him, fix him, he the problem, he the issue, you know all of this stuff to OK, God, I need you to work on me because I need to change. Maybe it's some things about me that need to be worked on. And so that's what my prayer went into.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that's beneficial for those listening.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That if you're praying for your, for your partner, your spouse, I think you need to really step back and ask God what he wants to do in you, not just what he wants to do in them because they may never change Right, and I think that's the position I took where I really got serious. I said God, if you never change her, you know that's a serious prayer to pray.
Speaker 1:If you never change her. Change me for her, exactly, so I can be the kind of husband I need for her. And I'll tell you it's. It's powerful, yeah, it's a, it's another level of dying yeah to yourself, uh, dying to what you want and what you, the way you think things should be. And, in reality, what I thought and the way I wanted things to be was really, it was just preference. It was no biblical basis for it. You know, we weren't doing anything outside of the biblical standard, right, right, it was just.
Speaker 2:This is the way I think marriage should be what you saw on tv, what you saw growing up, you know, and so we tend to try to model that stuff you know what I'm saying and it's just not reality, because it's two separate individuals trying to come together as one and we're very different yeah we're not. We're not the same as the people we see on tv.
Speaker 1:We're not the same as our parents, yeah, and so we try to bring that in to those relationships and I think that's where, when we, when we go into prayer now we're going to, not from the model of tv. You all those Cosby kids, grew up watching Cosby.
Speaker 2:We wanted Claire and Dr.
Speaker 1:Huxley.
Speaker 2:We wanted that marriage you know Thinking that.
Speaker 1:well, you know, we never really saw them argue or having differences. If they did, it was very mild.
Speaker 2:Or funny, you know stuff like that and thinking that that was reality.
Speaker 1:But that wasn't reality, Like that was TV, that was fictional.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But in reality, yeah, there's a lot of work that has to go into this, a lot of things that we have to navigate as a couple and really learn to pray for one another, even going scripturally and finding what God says about a husband and wife and beginning to pray. Those things not what we want to see Exactly. But pray that what he says should be showing up in their lives would show up in their life, and expecting the fruit of that to show up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that helped. You know, as far as going into scripture, I remember going into Proverbs and finding out, you know what a wife should be and how a wife should be, how to talk, how to communicate, you know. All of that, you know really helped me. You know, in my, in, in my um, in my communication, and you know, and what was pleasing to God and I wanted to be pleasing to him as well as be, you know, be pleasing to you. But I think the perspective was him first and making sure that he was pleased with how I was responding to you, even though I felt like I had the right. You know what I'm saying. Sometimes I think we think we we got the right to you know, because of the way you were responding to me, you know, and so, but I did not have the right to lash out at you because, even because maybe some things that you were saying to me was shutting me down. So I had to learn that.
Speaker 1:I remember when you used to, when you come and start talking about Proverbs and you would say things and I can't quote it verbatim. I remember you talk about like the verses that you read. It really stuck out to you like it's better for man to do top in the house with a nagging woman yes or a nagging woman is like a dripping.
Speaker 2:Yes yes, I was like, oh my god, like I need to work away. I got some work to do, so I started to make some changes because I didn't want to like. I think another scripture is I don't want to tear the house down with my own hands. You know what I'm saying, and sometimes women can do that. You know, even just by their mouth or just their presence. You know what I'm saying. And people don't like to be around you. Your husband doesn't even want to come home to you because you're nagging, you're negative. You know you always got. You know something, and so I didn't want to be that woman. So I was like, OK, God, let me get in these scriptures and figure out you know what needs to be changed about me. And so that was that part of my journey where I was going into scriptures and finding things out about myself that I really needed to change myself that I really needed to change Definitely.
Speaker 1:You know, one that really hit me is husbands, love your wives as Christ has loved the church and gave himself for it. That was really big for me because I had to ask myself am I really loving my wife the way Christ loves his church, because he becomes? See, like we talked about Cosby Show and other examples and TV couples and even our own parents.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Those models get thrown away and Christ and his church is the, becomes the model.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:For marriage, for a husband, for a wife. So how does he love his church? Right? The Bible says he gave himself for him. He's not a harsh towards his church. Right, he's kind, he's enduring, he's patient with his church I it's when you really see him as a husband man.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm like man, that's, that's real. He is really gentle with his church. But he's also the type of husband that mold, that build his church. He strengthens. He doesn't tear down his church. He strengthens, he undergirds, he takes the weaknesses of his church and he makes them strong. Like I'm, like man. Let me reevaluate what kind of husband I'm being, because I'm being a husband according to the flesh. Yeah, carnal, a carnal way of thinking.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Everybody in the world got all these ideas on how to be a husband, how to be a wife, but you really can't do it right. Remember we said before marriage is a God thing. It is. So if it's a god thing, if there's a way of doing it exactly, you got to get in his word and as well as allow the holy spirit to teach you how to do it god's way, so he can bless it yeah, and it's all in the word.
Speaker 1:It's in the word, it's in the word and I even say this, I'll go a step further. Something, some secrets I like to use that word secrets and mysteries of marriage god has entrusted to me yes to share and impart to other people. So people need godly people, not just married people. Yeah, godly couples who understand kingdom, marriages that can give you advice and counsel that will align with the scripture right, you were saying exactly to help in marriage and so we need people like that in our life yeah, that is good, that's true, I think that that also helped us, like as god started navigating us to a better relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we also begin to encounter other godly, godly couples godly couples who had walked this same journey, and they begin to give us godly advice, yeah, to help us navigate it and I mean things just begin to give us godly advice to help us navigate it. And I mean things just begin to move. We were praying the right type of prayers. We were seeing fruit from it and God was more so than anything. He was changing us individually Right and that changed and that's what I want to say.
Speaker 2:Even when you had your encounter with God, when he told you all this stuff about you don't listen to me you never shared that with me. It took years for you to tell me that, that that happened you just started to change. I just started to see a change in you and when you told me, I was like wow, that was crazy, like I can't believe you know that happened. I'm like, thank you, jesus, you've been fighting for me all along. Thank you, glory. But I'm just like you know, that was just amazing to hear later that that happened and I just noticed like a change in you and you were just changing like right before my eyes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it was really good and I think God this is a whole another segment we don't have time to go into today, but I think God really fights for wives yeah the man is the head.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so he has a certain responsibility, and when he's not fulfilling his obligation to his wife, I truly believe God takes that personally, Like he told me, that's my daughter and he steps in. That's why women if they really know how to pray to God and reach the heart of God if your husband is not doing what he's supposed to do, don't pray out of anger.
Speaker 2:Don't pray, go to.
Speaker 1:God, your father, yeah, and he who is the head of the man. He knows how to step in and deal with that man in ways you cannot.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and I would say this always respect your husband and always do everything right, as much as you can according to the word and treating him right, but don't go stone for stone. You know, according to the word and treating him right, but don't go stone for stone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, because God can help you when you do that. You know what I'm saying. So if you always make sure you're doing what's right, then God will step in and fight for you. 100%, 100%.
Speaker 1:He did it for me. Come on, look at.
Speaker 2:God and what, what I got.
Speaker 1:A better man, come on because of it. So I think, as I was saying I think we both became better. Yeah, we, we became better as a couple yeah, because we became better individually yeah and sometimes people think we're gonna change together. No, no, sometimes both of y'all got to change on your own. Your own individual change, yeah to happen, but when you let God do it, you will notice the union.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It becomes better and stronger and the blessing and favor of God and the unity of God begins to flow into that marriage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it wasn't forced and it was organically done.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And so that's what I love about the way God did it with us.
Speaker 1:Come on, so, couples, pray, pray for your spouse.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Place of God really shaping and molding you to be who he wants you to be for them and watch how God began to bring that thing together. All right, Listen another episode. You enjoy it?
Speaker 2:I enjoyed this one. It was good.
Speaker 1:It was good. It was good Definitely All right. Listen. Thank y'all. We look forward to seeing y'all at the next one. Be blessed. Hey, thank you for joining us, for doing it with the Daniels. If you want to keep up with everything going on on our channel, don't forget to like comment, subscribe and share this podcast. Absolutely. We'll see you next time.