Doing It With The Daniels Podcast
Welcome to ‘Doing It With The Daniels’! This is where we show couples how to GET-IT-ON in life, marriage, AND ministry! 🚀
Doing It With The Daniels Podcast
The Secret Sauce To Our Relationship
Ever wondered how to truly keep God at the center of your marriage? Join Charles and Tesa in this heartfelt episode of "Doing it with the Daniels" as they share the "secret sauce" that has fortified their relationship over the years. They recount their commitment to allowing God's word to be the ultimate guide in their union, helping them resolve conflicts and stay united even through the challenges of starting their ministry. You'll gain insights into how a God-centered marriage can not only strengthen your bond but also empower your ministry.
Pastors, their spouses, and couples alike will find value in our discussion on the importance of recognizing and addressing minor conflicts early on. Charles and Tesa talk about their experience with issues arising on Saturdays before church and how preemptively resolving these can prevent disruptions in worship and spiritual connection. Discover how adhering to biblical principles and being aware of the enemy's strategies can help maintain harmony and unity, enhancing your ability to serve together in ministry.
In the final segment, we emphasize the profound impact of a shared love for God within a marriage. Charles and Tesa explore how mutual reverence for God fosters respect and prevents harmful behaviors, guiding couples back to right actions through divine conviction. They stress the importance of making God the center of our lives and the transformative power of repentance and starting fresh. As we wrap up, we reflect on the valuable insights shared and express our gratitude for your continued support. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and comment to stay connected and catch future episodes of "Doing it with the Daniels.
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usually when a man don't want to come home after work, that means there's something going on in the house where he is not at peace, or vice versa. Some women don't want to come home right, yeah, they are shopping every day.
Speaker 2:Welcome to doing it with the day is the podcast where we navigate life, marriage and ministry.
Speaker 1:I'm charles and I'm Tisa. Join us as we share insights, wisdom and practical advice to strengthen your marriage, empower your life and enrich your ministry let's dive in together and discover the joys of doing it with the Daniel.
Speaker 2:Hey, welcome to doing it with the Dan is the podcast where we help couples get it on in life, marriage and ministry. I'm Charles, I'm Tisa and we are here for another episode. How's it going? It's going good, good, good. Well, what's up? What's on your mind?
Speaker 1:Nothing much.
Speaker 2:Awesome, we're going to talk about keeping God first. Keeping God first.
Speaker 1:You know, I really like to call this our secret sauce, secret sauce, secret sauce to our relationship.
Speaker 2:Okay, we talk to different people and they often talk to us about our relationship. Or they see our relationship and you know we hear, oh y'all such a cute couple, or y'all have such a good marriage, or oh, y'all look like the perfect couple. You know, we've heard that many times, we know that that's not the case, but at the end of the day, there is a secret sauce to this relationship.
Speaker 1:It's keeping God at the center.
Speaker 2:Keeping God at the center. Keeping God at the center, I like that. Jesus, you're the center of my joy.
Speaker 1:Hold on, hold on. You got to put some note in there. Oh, oh, can't help yourself, can you? I had to throw some runs in there.
Speaker 2:I said note I ain't say runs, you gotta keep it simple. All that's good and perfect, but I'm hating because I can't sing see, don't hate, no hate, don't hate on me now, no hate. But seriously, that is kind of that's been our secret sauce yeah is keeping God at the center, and that, and that's something we agreed upon Even though we've had our different challenges. Before we got married, we agreed that God would be the center of our relationship.
Speaker 1:Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think we even said whatever disagreement we had, because we knew it would happen two people coming together, there's going to be challenges. Whatever happened, we said whatever the word says, that's what we're going to do. Whatever God tells us to do, that's what we're going to do.
Speaker 1:And that has worked out really well for us, taking everything back to the word of God, to the Bible. Regardless of our upbringings and what we saw our parents do and our grandparents do, it's always like, okay, we're going to go back to the word of God and see what God has to say. And he was the deciding factor of which way we will go.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I think that's been, that's been excellent for us. When you had your opinion, I had my opinion. We went to the word and we said God, what do you say about this? And that's what we'll do. We will both drop our opinions, we will drop our views, and, and we're going to be God, and I think that's what we'll do. Yeah, we will both drop our opinions, we will drop our views, yeah, and, and we're going to be God?
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, and.
Speaker 2:I think that's been the deciding factor. So that's why we haven't had any like stalemates. Yeah, in our relationship, yeah there haven't been any times of well, I'm on this side, you're on this side and we don't know where to yeah, when we hit that place is like let's find out what God is saying. Right, let's get in the word, let's pray and whatever God leads us to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what we're going to do.
Speaker 2:I think that's a part of not just us individually being submitted to God, but making sure our marriage is submitted to God Exactly. Yeah, that's been a big key factor, it was. So so how do you think that has helped us over the years?
Speaker 1:I think it helped us over the years, like just in in all. Well, I'll say this I think the one big thing that was kind of interfering with that was on Saturdays, when we would, um, well, when we started the ministry, that's when we started getting attacked and we didn't realize what was going on. We started getting attacked and we didn't realize what was going on, and so we would always get into it on Saturday, saturday morning, saturday nights, right before service, and it's just like what is this? But it took us a minute before we recognize, you know, what was happening. And so and I think that's when all of this whole, let's put God in the center. Let's go back to the word. What does the word say? Because we were getting hit like weekly, yeah, and we just couldn't understand what is going on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you definitely jumped to some things that when it comes to us starting the ministry, yeah, you know, we haven't even talked about that on the podcast yet I mean they know we're pastors of the Truth Church in Memphis.
Speaker 2:But when we first started, I mean when we initially launched the church, we were in a situation where we were still doing ministry and preaching and ministering to people on Sundays. But Saturday we hit a place where Saturday nights typically Saturday afternoons you and I would just be at odds with each other. Little stuff, yeah, little minor stuff that did not matter, and I mean we will be at odds to the point that it lasted all night into the next morning.
Speaker 2:And I remember, I remember us being at odds and us going to church and me preaching and I was like man, there's just no anointing on my preaching. The presence of God is just not flowing in here. I'm like what is going on? What is this? And God had to help us begin to discern what was going on, that the enemy was throwing sneak attacks at us on Saturdays to get us out of agreement, to get us at odds with one another, and then we try to go worship together.
Speaker 1:So I'm like you're trying to preach through all of that. So here I am trying to worship. Can you imagine that? You know you got your hands lifted, your eye closed. You're looking side-eyed like I can't stand him, yeah, or you're like he get on my nerves. How you going to sit up here and worship and you just, you know talking to me crazy.
Speaker 1:All of that is going through your mind while you're trying to worship it and praise God and it's just like, but it was an attack of the enemy. It's like you can't really worship through all of that. It's like we had to have some conversations, we had to really deal with the issues before you know we go to church and deal with all that Because you know you can preach. You're probably looking at me crazy, Like I'm looking at you crazy, you looking at me crazy, we looking at you both crazy. So I'm just like this is not good. No, but it went on for a while.
Speaker 2:It did. I was, I was trying to preach and you'd be over there lifting your hands. And I'm like child she's so fake Lifting your hands, but you just talking crazy to me. Last night man put your hands down. But many people don't realize that pastors and wives deal with that and if they don't get wisdom?
Speaker 1:and.
Speaker 2:God, open their eyes and show them. They will stay at odds with each other, thinking you the problem? Yeah, or you the problem or you ain't really. You just going through the most of this church stuff. You more focused on God. Yeah, but you ain't taking care of your home relationship.
Speaker 1:You see what I'm saying. But that's not even pastors and wives, that's people. Yeah, we've seen it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, In our church, where people couples will be at odds with each other and come to church to serve and be like what's wrong with y'all? Yeah, we talk to him, yeah, yeah, and if you're not aware of that cycle, you will think it's normal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is normal and it's not normal. It's not normal.
Speaker 2:It's the enemy putting division in the relationship so that your serving becomes ineffective.
Speaker 1:Right, exactly.
Speaker 2:Because God doesn't bless division.
Speaker 1:No, he does not.
Speaker 2:And so we had to learn the way I mean the enemy's trying to divide us, to keep us from having impact where the spirit of God won't flow and move and God can do what he wants to do with us? Exactly, yeah that was huge. That was huge and that took us back to, as you said earlier, making sure that we kept him at the center, and so we had to put a strategy in place.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:We made a, we talked about it yeah.
Speaker 1:And then we made a decision. Well, we recognized what was going on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we did, and so we was like man.
Speaker 1:you ever notice like we good through the week, but on Saturdays it's like little bitty stuff. Yeah, like, okay, we got to really figure out what we need to do to keep this from happening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it could be something as simple as wanting the boys to wear polo.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I would say no, I want them to wear a button-down, and we had odds over a polo and a button-down Something that really didn't matter. And what was crazy is that right after church we was good, like both of us was like.
Speaker 1:Like we both let it go. Yeah, it's crazy, crazy.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying it was, it was crazy.
Speaker 1:Crazy.
Speaker 2:Crazy. I'm just saying it was. It was crazy. But as we started to go back to that, we began to look at it and say wait a minute, Us going at each other on Saturdays.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then being at odds through the night and it coming into our worship, setting in church that didn't honor God and that was not keeping God at the center. And when we started making those adjustments we came up with a strategy here where we said we said on Saturday night, because we had to be on watch for it, we had to be on guard for it. We don't deal with it now, but we put some parameters in place. If anything happens on Saturday, either we deal with it and we make sure we're good, or we recognize it and we stop right there and we put it aside and we'll pick it up after church on sunday, you remember?
Speaker 2:that yeah and it worked. What happened, though? Whatever it was on saturday after sunday? What happened? We forgot about it we? We couldn't even remember what it was like. What was we about? Because we come at church with him. We'd be like now what what we need to talk about because we've had something yesterday. We'd be like I don't even remember, I don't know. I don't know either.
Speaker 1:Because it was minor.
Speaker 2:It was minor, it was demonically motivated as a tool to interrupt the plan and purpose of God. And so this is where that whole keeping God at the center becomes a big part of the relationship and, to be honest with you, you know, for our viewers and those watching, that's the secret salt. Yeah, that's been the thing that has kept us from going way off the deep end of our relationship doing all type of crazy stuff.
Speaker 2:it's been our honor and our respect for god yeah and I'll tell you why that's so powerful and his word.
Speaker 1:You know where it says don't let the sun down go, don't let the sun go down on your wrath. And. And so you know we had to get in the Word. And you know how we would be at odds, like Saturday, saturday night, and then to Sunday morning, like we weren't supposed to be doing that, you know. So we had to correct all of that, but that's by getting in His Word and finding out what His Word says.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, and I mean it made a big difference in our relationship. It made a big difference in our relationship and a big difference in who we were as people, and we learned that. Wait a minute, God, you want us to do this a little bit different.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Right and we started to navigate it differently and it changed our marriage and changed the scope of our marriage and the way we interacted with each other. It also made us more aware of the strategies of the enemy that would come after us.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I think that's been powerful.
Speaker 1:It has been after us, yeah, um, but, but I think that's been powerful. It has been, yeah, it's really helped me out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, with both of us, yeah, as as a couple. Um, I think to uh just just recognizing, um, the value of it, the importance of it, of not being easily distracted. Yes, has been a key, and that way we keep our focus on god and not on one another.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And what we were doing, because here's the thing I think that a lot of couples miss, and it really helped us and I think it'll help a lot of couples when I don't have the respect for you or you don't have the respect for me, which means I'll do some stuff to you that I wouldn't do to God, and so it's God, my relationship with God, that kept me in check, not necessarily my relationship with you at the moment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good. You see what I'm saying. That's good yeah.
Speaker 2:How did that affect you? Because I know for me it's like okay, maybe I'm mad at her and I could say some things or go a place, but because of my love for God I don't want to dishonor him. I'm not going to do that to her.
Speaker 1:Same for me. I've always wanted to please God in whatever I do, especially when I started to get my life back right with God, and that was the main focus. So for me, I wanted to make sure that I was lining up with his word as much as possible and to do things according to what he wants me to do, especially as a wife respecting my husband you know all of that stuff. So I had to really get in his word and ask him to help me, you know, with that.
Speaker 2:You know, that reminds me of when we first got together and I told you you know, I'm always love God more than I love you. And he was like I love God more than I love you too.
Speaker 1:You stay coming for me. You know that Stay.
Speaker 2:But it was real, yeah, and I'm glad we both took that position, because our love for God helped us to love one another right, exactly. We didn't want to violate him, so there were things we didn't do to one another.
Speaker 2:And even when we did, he was able to correct us. See, when you have no regard for God, who's going to violate him? So there were things we didn't do to one another, and even when we did we, he was able to correct us. See, when you have no regard for God, who's going to correct you? When you won't even listen to your spouse? Exactly you know who's going to reign you back in.
Speaker 1:That's what I love about the Holy Spirit. He is the one that's supposed to reign you back in If you would listen to him. It's that conviction piece and I always pray and I always tell God I don't ever want to lose my conviction, you know, because it's those little soft nudges, you know, to kind of get you back in check when he's saying hey, I don't like when you do that, I don't like when you talk to your husband like that, I don't like the way you talk to him.
Speaker 1:And so you had to be able to listen in order to hear what he's saying.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Because I think we as human beings and as couples, married couples we can get really wrong with one another, you know, especially if we think nobody else is listening.
Speaker 1:Especially when we think we got a right to yes. Sometimes we feel like I got a right and I am justified in the way I feel and you did me wrong and it's that whole. You did me wrong.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to do you wrong.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're going to pay? Yeah, exactly, render evil for evil.
Speaker 2:It's crazy when your spouse is looking at you like, yeah, you're going to pay for that. How do you live?
Speaker 1:like that. I don't know. It's like you've got a mental note in the back of your mind, got you?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:I I'm thinking about how does a person sleep next to somebody knowing that they got payback on their mind and you got to sleep with one eye open.
Speaker 2:That's scary, yeah, and that's one reason I'm glad I'm married to somebody who loves God.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I know you ain't going to do nothing to me. Praise the Lord.
Speaker 1:I fear God. I fear God.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I ain't trying to, and I think that's a point of attention for singles.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Who want to be married.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Marry you somebody who.
Speaker 1:Fear the Lord.
Speaker 2:Yes, they need to love God more than they love you. Yes, because if they don't love God more than they love you, they'll violate you, they'll do some bad things to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They'll violate you, they'll do some bad things to you, they'll hurt you real bad. I'm not saying you don't get hurt. Even in a loving relationship it can happen. But for somebody who has no boundaries, no moral standard in God, they can really go places with this. So, I think it's vital that we really have a love for God that exceeds our love for one another, so that we learn how to respect one another the way we're supposed to, that we learn how to value one another the way God wants us to value one another.
Speaker 1:Right, I agree.
Speaker 2:I think that's important.
Speaker 1:It is very important.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't care which way you turn it, You've got to number one, keep him first.
Speaker 1:At the center.
Speaker 2:Some people say God is first in everything. I don't know that I'd subscribe to that view.
Speaker 1:I think we did at one point, but then we learned, putting him in the center was better.
Speaker 2:Everything revolves around him exactly everything needs to revolve around God, because some people put God first and it's like well, I get up praying in the morning first part of the day, and then you don't think about God the rest of the day yeah but I put him first because I prayed, I did my devotion, read my word and now you're going with your life, right, you? You have no other thought for him throughout the remainder of the day.
Speaker 2:And that can be a problem, but when he's at the center, like you said, everything in your day revolves around him. So you consider God when you go to work. You consider God in the interaction with your spouse. You consider God in the engagement with your children. You consider God even with your coworkers. He's the center, so everything's around him, instead of oh, I gave him his first part. Yeah, I gave him the beginning and now the rest.
Speaker 2:I can do what I want to do, and so I think that's important, that even in a marriage, we didn't start out oh, we honor God, we honor God. And we got married. Start out, oh, we honor God, we honor God. We got married. We did it God's way. Yeah, but have you continued to keep it God's way Exactly? Is God still pleased in the marriage, right? Is God still honored in the way you engage with one another, talk to one another, treat one another? All of that becomes a big part of it. It does, yeah, because I think even for us, and like you said earlier, him reigning us back in has been the saving grace.
Speaker 2:The saving grace for me, yes, I think, for both of us him, reigning us back in and making sure that we didn't get in our own heads and I think for us and I'm grateful for it. He gave us the heart to want to honor him. Yeah, he gave us the heart. Yeah, to want to honor him.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:You know, because it can get bad and I think for anybody they can start over. If you've done something wrong, maybe you haven't honored God in your relationship, here's the key Repent, ask God for forgiveness and then start fresh. Today, yeah, make him the center, make him the one that everything in the marriage, everything in your life, even children, revolve around him, and I promise you you'll see a dramatic shift in the way you do life and the way you honor and recognize God in the marriage. So I think that's our secret sauce. That's been the secret sauce.
Speaker 1:That works for us.
Speaker 2:It's not deep, it ain't this crazy thing out there that makes you feel like, oh, do this and do that and you'll have a great marriage.
Speaker 1:What is it? Five steps to a great marriage, or ten steps? You know you ain't got to do all that.
Speaker 2:No, no, it's one. Keep Jesus at the center.
Speaker 1:Keep Jesus and his word. Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:And I mean it'll change your life. You'll really grow and have peace. Yes, because I think that's what most people want in their marriage.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I know for me when I think about coming home to my wife and doing life with you. I want peace.
Speaker 1:You want peace.
Speaker 2:I want joy.
Speaker 1:You want it to be fun? Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:I think we have fun.
Speaker 1:We have a lot of fun, yeah.
Speaker 2:And we have a lot of fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we have a lot of peace.
Speaker 1:Yes, oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:Our home is not chaotic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, it's not a place of disturbance.
Speaker 2:It's not a place I avoid. No, you don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank God.
Speaker 2:You're right.
Speaker 1:I don't avoid it because of craziness. Yeah, my God.
Speaker 2:So that's huge, that's huge, that is huge.
Speaker 1:Or vice versa. Some women don't want to come home.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, they out shopping. Every day, uh-huh.
Speaker 1:Or at the friend's house, you know, or something like that. But I just I really am grateful that we always want to be at home, or want to be around each other. Yes, yeah, it's a wonder that we don't get tired of each other, right? We haven't in all these years?
Speaker 2:Maybe because we keep God at the center. Hey, I'm always advocate for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:With every couple I talk to and engage with. Keep God at the center. Amen, it's going to bless your marriage. Yeah, your relationship, all right. Yeah, in relationships, mm-hmm, all right, that's what I got, you got anything else that's it. That was good, that was good.
Speaker 1:I enjoyed it.
Speaker 2:We gave my secret sauce. Right, that's the recipe.
Speaker 1:That's the recipe. One ingredient, just use it Simple, try it.
Speaker 2:You know it's organic. No, it's organic, right, you know stuff and the food items that have the least amount of ingredients are supposed to be the most healthy. You know it's like uh, what's that's peanut butter? Right, what are you? What's the ingredients supposed to be in there?
Speaker 1:peanut butter, peanuts, that's it.
Speaker 2:Right, that's it now, when you start getting a whole bunch of stuff you can't name oil, all them different oils and stuff. You're trying to make up stuff and that's what a lot of people do in their relationships. You got all this extra stuff. You're trying to make it work because you don't want to deal with just the organic, just what's really true, and that's God. Right. God is what really makes this thing work, not all that other stuff. Yeah, that we try to blend in there, keep it organic.
Speaker 1:Keep it organic, simple. I love it All right, listen y'all.
Speaker 2:That's all we got for you today. We hope this has been a blessing to you. We can't wait to share more with you on the next episode of doing it with the Daniels. Make sure you like and subscribe, don't miss it. All right, take care, hey. Thank you for joining us for doing it with the Daniels. If you want to keep up with everything going on on our channel, don't forget to like comment.