Doing It With The Daniels Podcast
Welcome to ‘Doing It With The Daniels’! This is where we show couples how to GET-IT-ON in life, marriage, AND ministry! 🚀
Doing It With The Daniels Podcast
What Happened To You? "7 Reasons Couples Lose Their Spark"
What happens when the daily grind causes your marriage to lose its spark? Today on Doing it With the Daniels, we promise to uncover the secrets of reigniting the fire in your relationship. We'll explore why meaningful communication is essential and how daily routine conversations about work and kids can unintentionally create a disconnect. Through real-life stories and personal experiences, we highlight the importance of intentional engagement and provide practical advice to keep your relationship vibrant and connected.
Have you ever wondered if a simple date night could save a struggling marriage? Experience the transformation as we share a heartfelt tale of a couple who rediscovered their love over a spontaneous dinner at Applebee’s. By reminiscing about their early days and embracing vulnerability, they found a renewed connection. We delve into how making intentional time for each other and keeping the art of flirting alive can maintain the excitement and emotional bond, no matter how busy life gets. You'll walk away with actionable tips to ensure both partners feel valued and loved.
What’s the secret to maintaining respect and spontaneity in long-term relationships? Discover how thoughtful gestures and addressing minor annoyances can significantly impact relationship satisfaction. We discuss the importance of not taking your partner for granted and share personal anecdotes about how small surprises, like a favorite treat or a heartfelt note, can make a big difference. This episode is packed with strategies to show love and appreciation, keeping your marriage strong and full of life. Don't miss out on these insights that could transform your relationship!
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Okay, and number seven is minimize the small things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's dangerous. That's dangerous when we say, minimize the small things, what we're saying is you start to overlook the small things that annoy you or that create problems in the relationship. Yeah, and that's where people, you slowly start to lose that connection and that fire. Start to lose that connection and that fire. Welcome to Doing it With the Daniels, the podcast where we navigate life, marriage and ministry.
Speaker 1:I'm Charles and I'm Tisa. Join us as we share insights, wisdom and practical advice to strengthen your marriage, empower your life and enrich your ministry.
Speaker 2:Let's dive in together and discover the joys of doing it with the Daniels. Hey, thanks for joining us for another episode of Doing it With the Daniels, where we help couples get it on in life, marriage and ministry. We're so glad to have you join us today. I'm with my wife, Tisa, and we are ready to jump in and share some great information with you guys what you got today, baby, what we talking about.
Speaker 1:So today we're going to be talking about seven reasons couples lose the spark in their relationship.
Speaker 2:Oh, seven reasons couples lose the spark. I think that's good.
Speaker 1:That is great.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of couples lose the spark and never regain it. Some do regain it but I think for those that don't, or don't know how, especially early on in your relationship, you kind of wonder when we get to that place where the butterflies are gone and all of the excitement of marriage has kind of waned, what do you do next? You know, how do you keep the spark alive?
Speaker 1:yeah, I don't think they understand that when you're dating, you're naturally doing these things, right, yep, and so when you come into a marriage, you're supposed to keep doing these things. But I think, like you said, you get comfortable with each other and you kind of like stop doing those things because you're living together, you're seeing each other every day and you're doing life, and so you just get in this routine of just doing everyday life together.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I think we're creatures of habit, yeah, and so as creatures of habit, it's very easy to just get in like you said, that routine and you get lost in the routine. Everything works in the routine, everything seems normal in the routine, but you don't realize in the routine you're losing something in the relationship, and so you have to be intentional. I think that's a key word. It takes intentionality you have to be intentional about keeping that spark alive. Intentional about the butterfly. If you want butterflies, you got to create butterflies.
Speaker 1:They don't come naturally at that stage of the relationship but it's so crazy because we're intentional when we're dating yep yeah, we're dating, we're going out to eat, we're going to the movies, we're spending time together. We're doing all these things. So why is it? When we get married, we feel like we don't have to do these things?
Speaker 2:I think it's at when you first started something new and something fresh you're excited about it, but then you get used to the person, yeah, and you don't think it's as important, but it really is.
Speaker 1:So let's jump in, let's get started and help them. Okay, so the first one we have is they stop communicating with each other.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's good. I think that's vitally important because you can go through the routine of life.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you can be talking. Like some people think, we still communicate. Yeah, you're talking.
Speaker 1:But you're talking about life.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You're talking about work. You're talking about if you have kids. You're talking about kids. So you're not talking to communicate, you're talking about if you have kids. You're talking about kids.
Speaker 2:So you're not talking to communicate, you're just talking, yeah, not to really get to know each other. Hey, honey, how was work today?
Speaker 1:Yeah, fine.
Speaker 2:It's like OK, that's it. What are we having for dinner?
Speaker 1:Or you're telling them about, like stuff that's happening at work. I know men hate that Right. They don't want a wife to come home and tell them all the issues that they have that going on at the job, yeah, and so sometimes you can get lost in doing those things and not really connecting to your spouse yeah, and I will say this women do like to come home, share what went on in their day, their job, and men just have to learn to realize that that's an opportunity yeah to communicate, because really what she's doing is she's being transparent, she's being vulnerable, she's being open about her day, her frustrations, what's going on, what people are doing and what she you know.
Speaker 2:I had to learn this. She wants you to agree with her if she mad at her co-worker. She wants you to be mad too. She wants you to tell you she right, yeah, and I learned that just listen to you talk about yeah, you know this is going on at work and I used to be like who cares?
Speaker 1:because I'm really easygoing, I'm like who cares, I don't hear nothing about that, but I really would always tell me that this is the, this is why it's going on, because you are not stepping up and you're not saying what needs to be said. You're going along and so and that's like I didn't want to hear none of that.
Speaker 2:I was trying to give you solutions to the problem, yeah, and solution was be confrontational.
Speaker 1:Uh, you know, it was just different stuff that I wasn't comfortable with so. I was like, yeah, I can't talk to him about work.
Speaker 2:Yeah but when I learned that that's just a space for us to connect yeah and so when you come home I can't believe it did that I was like I can't believe that, that's crazy. You was like that's what I'm saying. And so once I started trying to fix the problem and just had that communication time with you, you know, just to walk through it, it began to be a time for us to connect. Instead of me being like I don't want to hear that and he here, here's the solution, let's fix it. And you being like he's not listening, so I don't want to talk to him, he was just okay, get it out. When you being like he's not listening, so I don't want to talk to him.
Speaker 1:He was just OK, get it out. When you did switch, I think I was more ready to receive what you did have to say. If you said anything, versus you just giving me solutions, because I felt like you were actually listening to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so so I think, like we said, communication. If you stop communicating, that's going to be a breakdown of all the areas of your relationship.
Speaker 1:So you have to communicate, talk to each other, not just about random stuff but really talking to each other talking about what's going on with each other, yeah enter each other's world is how I like to say it.
Speaker 2:Enter your partner's world, really. Get to know them. Find out what they're thinking, what they're thinking about how they're feeling, how they're feeling about life, how they're feeling about the marriage, how do they feel about the children, how do they feel about just everything going on, how they feel about themselves, like most couples don't talk about. Like, how do you feel about you, what are you feeling, what are you experiencing?
Speaker 1:where, where it goes, yeah, what do you want to do in life?
Speaker 2:you know, because we change yeah, when we get married, we continue to evolve.
Speaker 1:We continue to change. So it's always good, because your spouse is not going to be the same person they were when you first met or when you first got married. So things are going to change. They're going to change their likes, going to change their dislikes. Because I remember one thing I think I used to say I liked flowers, right. But then when you started buying me flowers, I was like, yeah, I don't like flowers. No, more.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I bought you flowers maybe once or twice early on and you was like it was cute the first time, but then you was like you know, I really don't like flowers. Okay, I don't like them no more. And that's when I had to switch out and find something you did like. That's when I started doing like edible arrangements. I was like, oh she look, I've never had a problem with edible arrangements because you love fruit, I love fruit, so it's. It's just getting to know your spouse staying in tune with what's going on and communication right, as well as awareness.
Speaker 2:You know communication is a big part, but also just being aware, watching how they change, plays a big role. Yeah, so I think communication is key.
Speaker 1:It is very keeping things going, yeah just deep communication yeah like we said earlier, not surface level definitely all right. So number two is they stop dating. Oh, that's a big one that is a big one because I think, um, you can get so caught up in the routine of life, yep of doing, um, just doing life together with kids and you know, having a job and just going to work every day, coming home doing the same things the cooking, the cleaning and it can just get tedious and mundane and boring boring yes, that's the word very, very boring um, and so you stop dating one another and it's like you don't remember that, the things that you did when you, you know, before you got married.
Speaker 2:You need to do those things isn't it crazy how easily you just like start doing marriage, life and the routine of life and you forget, hey, we need to enjoy life. Yeah, at the same time, because when you're dating somebody, all you're thinking about is having a good time. Yeah, you're not thinking about paying bills, going to work. You're thinking about I want to have a good time with this person.
Speaker 1:Spend time with this person I can't wait to see this person you know, I'm what we're doing. We're we going here, we going there. So yeah and I think for us. We got into that web of not dating just doing life and it was kind of crazy for us yeah like you said, it became mundane it became boring, and I mean both of us.
Speaker 2:We kind of hit that place of our marriage. Our relationship was like just blah yeah it was like no excitement to it, no liveliness to it, and then we started to notice how it affected us. We were just kind of disengaged yeah we, we became I like to say it like this we became roommates you know, in a sense we weren't roommates. But you start to feel that roommate feeling of and I was like I didn't get married to have a roommate I got married to have a wife and he was like I got married to have a husband, so we had to do something.
Speaker 2:And what did we do we? We planned a date.
Speaker 1:We did plan a date, but you know, I think for us you have to make sure that you don't put expectation on whose job it is to do the dating um schedule, and so I was looking for you to plan all the dates and you were like just whatever we gonna do you just let me know, and I'm just like.
Speaker 1:I just felt like I wasn't good at that, at doing that. So we had to work through all of that who's gonna plan the dates, how we're gonna, how we're gonna do it, why we're gonna put it on the calendar, and all of that. But we realized that we had to plan ahead in order to to do it yeah, and dating can be simple.
Speaker 2:yeah, it can be inexpensive or it can be extravagant. Yeah, it's really up to the couple, whatever they want to do. I think that's the key. Find out what your partner likes to do. Mm-hmm. What does your spouse enjoy?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Do that. That's what you did when you were dating. Yeah, before you got married, you found out what that person liked, or you made suggestions and they said yes, yes, I like that. Yeah, and that's what you did. If it's bowling, bowling can be a date, right.
Speaker 1:If you like to bowl, skating can be a date I like to skate, you know, yeah, you don't like to skate, but I'll go, you can skate.
Speaker 2:I like to you know the skating part. I like to skate and hold your hand but you don't like.
Speaker 1:You like to do a lot of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want to skate backwards with the couple, because as a kid I couldn't skate. So growing up, you know I, when we was kids, when they did the couple skate time in the skating rink, we had to get off the floor and I was like, man, I want to back skate with some, with a couple. You know somebody? You know, that's all in my mind. We holding each other on the side, we just skating backwards. I'm like, yeah, smiling at each other, but so you know. I'm just trying to roll.
Speaker 1:I want some old school music or something, and I'm ready he said some old school, what some music did. I say that Memphis coming out old school music, he said it like Glorilla music.
Speaker 2:Anything can be a date skating. Going to the park, yeah. Or just staying home, netflix and chill yeah, you know that couples should be netflix and chilling yeah, having a great time couples, marry couples, marry couples. Yeah, married, married, married couples. Netflix and chilling you ain't married.
Speaker 1:You get netflix, but don't chill okay, so it's just so many things you can do. Going out to eat you know we do car dates and people are like what's a car date?
Speaker 2:it's where we go get some food and we go back to the car and we sit in the car and we eat and we talk and we just talk about us.
Speaker 2:You know, we try to avoid children. We try to avoid work. We try to avoid even when we're pastors. We try to avoid children. Yeah, we try to avoid work. We try to avoid. Even when we're pastors. We try to avoid talking about ministry. We just talk about us and what we want and what we're enjoying about life and what we want to change. Yeah, what, what our goals are. We just talk about us and have a good time and I think, um, I mean that's, that's vital for us as a couple, I enjoy it well.
Speaker 1:When did it turn for us? Us a couple years ago, when we were kind of not seeing eye to eye and not dating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it just took that turn. I think that one time when it kind of just was like things really got out of balance with our relationship and we was like we got to do something, and that's when we went to Apple, we went to applebee's, that was our spot. They went, we went to applebee's and we got something to eat. And even when we went there, we both had attitudes.
Speaker 2:We were just like whatever, like I ain't thinking about you, anything about me, what are we trying to do here? But we sat there and we ate and we started talking. And out of that, back to communication, and out of us communicating and talking, you know, the walls came down. We begin to open up and we just begin to reminisce about early, when we started dating.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we reminisce about when we were single and we talked about our life experiences in high school yeah, things that went on, things we dated things we did, yeah little crazy stuff crazy stuff, yeah and I just remember us just having a great time sitting there, laughing, talking and just really just enjoying one another. Yeah, we did.
Speaker 2:I think that was. That was a defining moment that really changed things for us, when we started to realize we need to do this more often yeah we need to be intentional about this because we need this in our relationship. We need this in order to keep us connected and to keep that fire and that spark there otherwise it can get real boring.
Speaker 2:Like I said, with children and work, and I mean that's the majority of your day. You get up in the morning with the hustle and bustle of getting to work, getting children to school, taking children to the daycare, whatever you have to do. Then you go work all day. You're away from your spouse. Then you get home you got to go by the store. Whatever. You come home you're prepared to cook. You got to do homework with the kids or get them settled or just manage them then you got to clean them, get them in the bed.
Speaker 2:You really don't have time for each other. It's very easy to to say we don't have time for each other right but you have to be intentional about making time. That's right and that's what the dates are about.
Speaker 1:The dates are about making time, yeah and being together with one another, and we made time that day. I think we stayed at that restaurant for hours till.
Speaker 2:They closed till they closed.
Speaker 1:They had to really, they had to literally put us out, but we laughed, we cried. I mean, I was like laughing till I cried yeah it was just so much funny stuff that you know was going on, but it was really good and I think it was like another level of connection for us yeah, and it made me feel good to make you laugh like that, just by telling you those experiences that I've had. Telling you my story, you know what, and I think the good thing is I got to know you on another level.
Speaker 2:That's yeah, I think that was key, we got to know each other. We were vulnerable yeah we were transparent, we were open yeah and it, it just you know it made for a great encounter or a time of engagement. Yeah, for you and I, and it was a reconnecting and a reigniting of the fire of our relationship and it was good.
Speaker 1:Yes, all right. Uh, they stopped flirting.
Speaker 2:Oh, come on, I'm not good at this, yeah, but you gotta flirt like I'm great at flirting yeah. I enjoy flirting with you, you gotta flirt with your spouse yeah right.
Speaker 1:Well, tell how do you flirt, because a lot of people might not. I don't know. It comes natural.
Speaker 2:I just can't well, you know I like to. I just play with you.
Speaker 1:I kind of pick with you. That's a part of me flirting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, just touching you making jokes with you, you know laughing and all all you. That's a part of me flirting. Yeah, um, just touching you making jokes with you, you know laughing and all all of that because rubbing your hair yeah is flirting. All of that you know you. Whatever shows your attraction or your you're giving attention to, to your spouse that's a part of flirt. A smile can be flirty, you know. A wink can be flirty.
Speaker 1:It's all in how you look at them yeah, like the way you look at me now, it's kind of flirty, is it really okay? Maybe I'm working on it. I feel kind of. I feel like you're kind of working on it now, you know so.
Speaker 2:So I think couples have to find what works for them. You flirted when you first met them most couples so figure out how to flirt now that you're married, like your spouse still wants to feel special yeah they still want to feel like you're attracted to them they still want to feel like you're giving them attention, even after you got the ring.
Speaker 2:That's good you know and you're gonna sign the license and we in the house together, do you still like me? Like flirting says I still like you. Yeah, you know, I'm saying love said you know, love is I'm paying these bills and we, you know, taking care of you, provide for you, for me, and yeah, but but I like you when I flirt with you and so people want to feel like you know, I know you love me, yeah, but I want to feel liked by you. I want to feel. I want to feel what I'm just saying when you flirt with me, I feel liked, I want to feel like you attracted to me, and all that flirting kind of communicates that so or you can like uh affirmations.
Speaker 1:Is that not flirting?
Speaker 2:yeah, compliments yes, giving compliments, all of that, okay. I think all that plays a role. I think people just have to find what works for them, how they flirt, because people flirt different. Yeah, you know, some people are very playful and they're flirting. You know, some people I've seen flirting. I'd be like, oh, that's flirting, that's how y'all flirt, okay different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, it works for them.
Speaker 2:Yeah it worked. It worked for them.
Speaker 1:So you know, you just got to figure out what works for you as a couple um and and do that, but I think it's necessary, I think that playfulness yeah that that that lightheartedness of the relationship needs to be maintained yeah, I think making making each other laugh too is a part of it I do good at that, yeah, yeah, you can be real silly I do good okay so number four all right fail to prioritize time together yeah, yeah, that's a big one.
Speaker 2:You can get so caught up in in making other things important that you don't make your spouse feel important yeah and I think that's what we have to be careful of don't put, don't make work and children and hanging with the fellas or hanging with the girls or going shopping.
Speaker 2:Don't make or even ministry like you can make church. Church can overpower your relationship. I think early on in our relationship, because I've been in ministry since a teenager, even when we started the church, I was really focused on ministry, ministry, ministry, and I probably did not give the proper attention to our marriage that I needed to, and it was just you didn't complain about it. Marriage that I needed to and it was just you didn't complain about it. But through counsel, through advice from others that helped to guide us and navigate that, I realized I needed to pull back from being so ministry focused and make sure I make time for my family and for my wife and don't lose sight of that. That is my first ministry and so that was big for me to you know, to begin to bring balance. I don't think my job has ever been a no, because when I leave I'm gone no, it's, it was definitely ministry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah because I wouldn't worry about work at all. Like I'm coming to work, I'm doing my job, and when, when it's over, I'm out of here, I'm going home yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So we just need to prioritize to prior, to prioritize time together yeah um make time together. Put it on your calendar schedule time and um just make that important yeah, make you make sure your, your spouse, feels important.
Speaker 2:I think that's key make sure they know that they're more important to you than anything else okay.
Speaker 1:Number five is they disrespect one another. We already on number five what? Yes, oh, that's terrible but it happens because they're not connecting yes and so when you don't connect, it's easy for you to be disgruntled, to get angry, just to feel like you're not loved and so that you get comfortable and then you start to disrespect each other. Yeah, and that's just that. That's just not good to be in that place, and I don't think you try to do it, but it comes out in your, in your feelings, right.
Speaker 2:Your emotions.
Speaker 1:Yeah so. Oh yeah, and you just you end up saying stuff or or not really respecting, and you kind of lose that. Please, thank you, the, the, the, the nice things that you would normally say to him and you just kind of take them for granted, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:In those moments.
Speaker 2:I totally agree. I think when couples first get together, they're there, they bring their representative.
Speaker 2:You know they're presenting their best, yeah, and they want you to like them. So they're nice, they're kind, they're respectful, they're loving, they show compassion, they do all of that. But once you get married, you start to feel comfortable and it's like well, I got you right, you're probably not going anywhere. So if I've been some of my frustrations on you, hey, you're probably not going anywhere. So if I vent some of my frustrations on you, hey, you'll be all right.
Speaker 2:Instead of maintaining that same standard of I don't want to offend you, because that's really what it is. When you start dating somebody, you don't want to do anything that's going to rub them the wrong way. You don't want to say the wrong thing. You don't want to do the wrong thing. You want to make sure they always feel comfortable, that they always see a side of you that they like. You see what I'm saying. So when you first meet them, you start and you're dating. That's what you're giving them. When you get married, you have to maintain that, because then you'll start to get into well, I don't care if you see my ugly side you bring the ugly out of me.
Speaker 1:You're gonna see it. You're gonna see it because you're gonna be together yeah, 24, 7 yeah living in the house, so and you start blaming that person.
Speaker 2:You the reason I'm this way, you the reason I'm mad when, no, I'm not the reason you behave the way you behave. Yeah, sure, I may have done some things that hit you the wrong way, made you upset, but that's you, that's a part of who you are and that's where we gotta navigate. Yeah, through all of that that's good so I think maintaining respect becomes vital yeah and being intentional. Now I will say this although we're going through seven of these things, you're not going to always get them perfect.
Speaker 2:Couples won't always get these perfect, but when you're aware that, okay, I'm, I'm getting off somewhere right adjust, adjust and you come back around and you make those adjustments and you begin to recover and you strengthen those areas of your relationship. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, so I don't want couples to think, well, I got to work on this, got to work on that, yeah, we're all working on all of that and you're not going to give the same attention to everything. Sometimes you're going to have to come back around to some things and make that work out a little bit better. So I think that's good if this is, if this is helping you.
Speaker 2:All this is encouraging you listen, make sure you subscribe to our channel so you never miss any of our videos and our updates, and also make sure you like and share um. Like, share this, this video, and comment below. Tell me, tell us, what do you think we want to hear from you? We want to hear how this is impacting you and how it's touching your life. So share that with us. All right, come on. What number we on?
Speaker 1:Number six Lose spontaneity. That's good.
Speaker 2:That is good, that is good.
Speaker 1:So I think, when couples lose, that it's the little things right. So it's the little things Right. So it's the little things. It's the I'm thinking about you is getting to know what they like and going by the store and just picking it up for them. Or if you know that there's something that they want, it doesn't have to be anything that costs a lot of money but it's just a small thing saying I'm thinking about you and it's like you're just doing it just random, at random.
Speaker 1:It's not you know their birthday, it's not you know holly, you know the holiday, valentine's day, or anything like that. It's just um, I'm thinking about you and I just want to do something nice for you yeah, today, and people don't realize just how much of an impact that it has on the relationship.
Speaker 2:It's huge because, like we said before, people do it when they're dating yeah why not do it while?
Speaker 1:you're married? Yes, exactly, it has the same impact.
Speaker 2:Just because for the brothers, just because you marry her, don't mean she stopped liking to receive gifts. She still wants you to give her nice things. She still want flowers. She still want edible arrangements. She still want jewelry. She still wants shoes arrangements. She still want jewelry.
Speaker 1:She still want shoes for the man, it doesn't have to be anything expensive yeah, no, it doesn't it doesn't, it's, it's a, it's the thought that counts it's like I'm thinking about you, yeah, especially if you know that they're having a bad day. They're, you know they're going through some things. That's the something small, if you know what they like you know, you know some things that I like, and so when you come back from the store, what I say, you give me some give me some yeah you be like?
Speaker 1:no, I'll be like man, you know. I just want to know like you in the store, did you think about me? Yeah, did you see something that I like? Did you pick anything up?
Speaker 2:it's simple as that I think that's the key. It shows that you're thinking about that person and that's all they want to know that you're thinking about that person and that's all they want to know that you're thinking about me. I remember when you used to go to the store, you would always bring stuff home for the kids and they would just go crazy. It got to a point where they always expected you to walk in and have something for them. They would what you bring me and I'm looking at them like what you mean, what we?
Speaker 2:bring everybody bring you nothing. But you would pick something up if it was a piece of candy, if it was a little toy, it was just something, and they would get so excited over that one little thing. And I think spouses should should even learn from that we ain't number big kids we're kids that grew up right and we still like to receive things. If it's a box of candy, yeah you see your favorite candy yeah it says I was thinking about you, right?
Speaker 2:so, so you're absolutely right. It doesn't have to be expensive. It can be something simple that they like yeah, that you can get, and hey, it's the thought it's the thought that counts.
Speaker 1:Something small, and sometimes I think people think that has to be expensive it has to be something big, and it doesn't have to be not at all.
Speaker 2:And I told a guy the other day, uh, to write a letter to his wife, write a love note, just just tell her how much you love her and how much you appreciate her as a wife, as a mother and all she does for the family. And I said, just put it in her car so that when she gets in her car to go to work it's right there on the steering wheel or on the dash, she can grab it and read it as she heads to work. And I was like, dude, she gonna be thinking about you all day, yeah, and just grateful for your kindness to her. That might set set the tone of her day, yeah, but we mean, she know I love her yeah, she know, but you gotta show her exactly.
Speaker 1:And I think one thing we used to do when, um, we just got to go through a bunch of cards- we used to give each other cards all the time, and so we were going through all these cards and reading all these cards and I'm like man, like we didn't do, we don't do that anymore. Yeah, but that's something that we used to do. Another thing you did was, um, you did a scavenger hunt for me one time I don't even think. Think it was Valentine's Day, I think it was just random.
Speaker 2:No, I think it was on Christmas.
Speaker 1:It was like Christmas morning you did it twice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, okay. I remember the one on Christmas where I think I gave you some money and I had you do a scavenger hunt for the money or maybe some jewelry or something. But yeah, we made notes. I made notes with the boys and you had to take the clues to get to the next clue.
Speaker 1:Go around the house and find each clue to find the the prize and that was fun.
Speaker 2:That's something different, right?
Speaker 1:spontaneity so you gotta, you gotta kind of keep it live, keep it fresh, do something different, don't do the same thing.
Speaker 2:Don't do the same old stuff, break out of the routine yeah do something unexpected. Yeah, and that was totally unexpected for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, when we did that. Yeah, that was good, okay. And number seven is uh, minimize the small things oh yeah, that's dangerous.
Speaker 2:That's dangerous when we say minimize the small things, what we're saying is you start to overlook the small things that annoy you or that create problems in the relationship. And that's where people, you slowly start to lose that connection and that fire in your relationship. When you don't address those things or make adjustments and I think a lot of people tend to do that because they say, oh's so small, it doesn't matter. Especially, I don't think it starts when people get married, it starts when they're dating. Yeah, they overlook the small things, thinking, oh, that's nothing, it won't matter, I'm not gonna worry about I love him or I love her, it's not important.
Speaker 2:Then you get married and that small stuff is magnified yeah and then it's like, oh, I can't stand this about you, oh, this gets on my nerves, oh I hate. And so that starts to sever, in a sense, the relationship where you're not as close as you could be, because that little thing the little stuff is is causing you to be annoyed or frustrated with your spouse? Yeah, that's small stuff. I know you're thinking about something I already know I'm just like, I'm just thinking about myself yeah, okay, go go ahead and say what is it, what is it?
Speaker 2:nothing, come on, what is it. What is it that I do that? Something small that doesn't make you feel butterflies and love.
Speaker 1:What is it how?
Speaker 2:many things. You want me to list how many you got. How many you got.
Speaker 1:I'll say there's one thing that just drives. I think it drives Trey crazy too. Okay, but I'm not married to Trey he said something to me about it the other day.
Speaker 2:Trey is our son. I'm not married to him.
Speaker 1:So I don't care.
Speaker 2:You're wiggling your toes my god, I move my toes jesus yes, drives me insane. I'm like you didn't do this when we were dating no, you just overlooked it because you was blinded by love and I mean we didn't live together so you didn't have opportunity to see my toes like that, you know I don't know, but Trey came in the room the other day.
Speaker 1:He was like can you tell Daddy to come in the room? I'm trying to watch TV and I can't watch TV because he out there wiggling his toes.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:I was like baby, you feel my pain.
Speaker 2:No, y'all need to get over it, it's going to be all right.
Speaker 1:It's just some toes, but I'm just like be still. Yeah, you'll never be still.
Speaker 2:But I mean, I like to move. Bodies were made to move, okay, but see, you have all of that like the toes uh, what else? The chewing, what else?
Speaker 1:what you would.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you smack it, or whatever you said, I do all of that that. You said that that happens privately, um, but you say it doesn't make you feel all right. But here's the thing.
Speaker 1:I try to work on it no, you don't, yes, I do, they don't no, I.
Speaker 2:Just just because you don't see the results you want to see, doesn't mean I'm not working on it.
Speaker 1:You're not working I'm working on it. You've been saying that for 20 years.
Speaker 2:Anyway, let's get back to helping. Let's get back to helping the people anyway. So so well, let's, let's, let's bounce off of that. So what you're saying is that some of these things may not change, which means I have a lot of things that annoy you, but you have things that annoy me that are small things, but it doesn't go unaddressed. I'm just very forgiving, because the Bible says love covers a multitude of fault. I got genuine love. I don't know, I don't know if you no, no, you don't, no, you still hold out People, love in spite of these faults. Love them and allow God to help, give you the ability to overcome the things that you don't like about your partner.
Speaker 1:It's all good, I learned to deal with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I will say this in all seriousness we address it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But it's not something we ignore. We ignore and act like it's not there. Yeah, you tell me the things that bother you. I share with you the things that bother me, but we don't let that hinder our relationship because it's not going undealt with and I realize you're not going to change right, because I want you to right I'm not going to change because you want me to. We, we have to learn to love and accept one another just the way they are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I think I think don't minimize those small things like address them, have conversations about them, so that you don't have this pent-up frustration towards your spouse and, and you know, then it comes out in other ways yeah you, your attitude or your anger comes out in other ways, that really begins to damage the relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so I think that's good. All right Well listen.
Speaker 2:Thank you all for joining us. That's seven.
Speaker 2:That's seven we gave you all seven. We're glad you stayed around to hear all seven of these. This is not an all-conclusive list, but I think it'll bless you if you use these and then just learn your relationship and things that you need to work on to keep things hot, keep the fire hot, keep the spice in it. Don't lose that. It's vitally important to your relationship. Listen, if you didn't already do it, make sure you subscribe to our channel so you never miss any of our updated videos. Also, like this video, share this video and give us a comment below. We would love to hear from you. Tell us some things you want to to hear about. You want to discuss things you're dealing with. We'd be happy to discuss that and try to help you navigate. All right, listen, we'll see y'all at the next one. Take care, hey, thank you for joining us for doing it with the daniels if you want to keep up with everything going on on our channel don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and share this podcast absolutely, we'll see you next time.