Doing It With The Daniels Podcast
Welcome to ‘Doing It With The Daniels’! This is where we show couples how to GET-IT-ON in life, marriage, AND ministry! 🚀
Doing It With The Daniels Podcast
The Long Road to Trust...Again
Can trust ever be fully restored after infidelity? Join us, Charles and Tesa, in this episode of Doing it With the Daniels as we unravel the intricate journey of rebuilding trust after a betrayal. We promise to offer you not just insights but practical advice on navigating this emotionally charged terrain. We'll thoroughly discuss why the effort required to mend a shattered bond is monumental and how both partners must be equally committed to the healing process.
We'll explore the painful aftermath of infidelity, tackling the anger, frustration, and suspicion that often follow such a breach of trust. Discover why creating a "new normal" is essential and how setting firm boundaries can pave the way for genuine recovery. We'll also address common misconceptions, such as the belief that only the unfaithful partner must work on repairing the relationship, and delve into the deeper issues that both parties need to reflect on to move forward together.
Learn why honesty and transparency are non-negotiable and how avoiding quick fixes like physical intimacy can help truly address the emotional wounds. We emphasize that consistent, trustworthy behavior from the unfaithful partner, alongside the victim's gradual process of regaining trust, is crucial. Offering comfort, seeking counseling, and staying committed to the long haul can often result in a stronger, more authentic relationship. Tune in to equip yourself with the tools and strategies necessary for navigating the rocky path of infidelity recovery and finding a renewed sense of trust and connection.
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So when we talk about trust, what does that look like? I know we mentioned it's fragile, it's one of those things that you gain over time, but it can also be what Lost quickly. Welcome to Doing it With the Daniels, the podcast where we navigate life, marriage and ministry. I'm Charles.
Speaker 2:And I'm Tisa. Join us as we share insights, wisdom and practical advice to strengthen your marriage, empower your life and enrich your ministry. I'm Charles and I'm Tisa. Join us as we share insights, wisdom and practical advice to strengthen your marriage, empower your life and enrich your ministry.
Speaker 1:Let's dive in together and discover the joys of doing it with the Daniels. Hey, welcome to Doing it With the Daniels, where we help couples get it on in life, marriage and ministry. We're so happy to have you here today.
Speaker 2:How you doing, babe? I'm good. How are you?
Speaker 1:I'm doing great today, that's good glad to be back for another episode I am glad to be back we always have fun when we do these episodes yeah, we do I really enjoy it.
Speaker 1:Listen. If you've been enjoying doing it with the daniels, I want to encourage you to make sure you like and subscribe to our channel and if we say something that catches your interest, give us, us a comment. We would love to hear from you. Let us know how you feel about these episodes that we're sharing with you, the content that we're sharing, and if there's anything you want us to talk about, let us know. We'll be happy to discuss that on a future episode. That's right, yeah, so what are we talking about today?
Speaker 2:Today is all about rebuilding trust after infidelity. Ooh, that's a good one.
Speaker 1:That is really good. You know, it blows my mind the number of couples who have experienced infidelity in their marriage, with us offering counsel as pastors and helping different people from different arenas Some people that we've even talked to online that have come to us and asked us for guidance. Um, just seeing the number of them that have dealt with infidelity in their relationships, it's just been amazing. I I mean not really expecting that yeah especially from a certain group of people.
Speaker 1:you you just be like I didn't. I thought everybody was good on the up and up, but, um, I think it's one of the bigger challenges in the relationship and today we're not really focusing on the infidelity. No we're really talking about what happens afterwards when a couple decides to stay together, exactly when they decide they're going to work it out, they're going to try to get through it, and what that looks like. So what do you think about that?
Speaker 2:I think the biggest thing that um a couple would have to get through is rebuilding trust yeah and that's the hard thing. I think that's the the most, that's one of the hardest things to have to do in any relationship yeah, you know, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, regaining that trust and that security in the relationship is really challenging.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And some people never do it. They're never able to get back to that place.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Of fully trusting their spouse.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But then there are others who they do. They put the work in and they recover. So, yeah, that's what I was going to say it takes work. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And not only on one party, but it takes work on both parties.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Both parties have to be invested, both parties have to be involved in, both parties have to put in the work, even if you are not the one that you know um did. Was was the in what do you call it? The?
Speaker 1:infinite, the infidel?
Speaker 2:yeah, even if you're not that person, that, um, that was the one you still have to put in work. Yeah, and that's what I don't know, if sometimes, when you said that it doesn't work if that other person feels like it's their job to put in the work, to do the things necessary, necessary to get them back on course, yeah, I'm glad you said that both parties play a role in the recovery yeah and, as a matter of fact, you'll notice that, even in what we understand about it, the, the victim, we'll say the infidel and the victim.
Speaker 1:The victim really plays a big part of the relationship recovery.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think most of them don't don't see it that way. They see it as you messed up, it'll be fixed when it's fixed, when you get right and you make changes. But that's not really the case. There's a lot that the victim has to do with the recovery process. How long it takes, yeah, and if they even recover right. So, so yeah, I think both parties need to know that you have a part in it, um, and we won't get into this part, but many people will tell you that both parties had a role in the affair yeah, as well, and that's a whole.
Speaker 1:Nother piece to navigate another piece yeah, even if you feel like I didn't do anything you still played a role at some point, yeah. If we dig deep enough, we can find the piece, and it's not always obvious.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And we've seen that a few times over in different couples that we've tried to help. Yeah, but that's one of the big things is navigating that, and both parties know they play a role in the recovery. So so when we talk about trust, trust, what does that look like? I know we mentioned it's fragile, um, it it's. It's one of those things that you gain over time in a relationship. You get to know somebody, you start building trust and over time, it's the it's developed over consistencies and and different things that happen in the relationship. But it can also be what Lost quickly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so you gain it slowly, but the minute something happens you lose it so fast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, it can be lost in a moment and many people have experienced that. Where? Oh we have this loving relationship. We trust one another. We got years invested in one thing One little thing. One moment Can lose it all.
Speaker 2:Yes, you can lose it all yeah so.
Speaker 1:So I think one of the key things people have to understand is that trust is is fragile and you have to respect trust in your relationship you got to really value it. You cannot view it as something that just doesn't really matter, because in a relationship day to day you don't think about trust.
Speaker 2:You know, you don't.
Speaker 1:When you have it, you don't think about it, it's just it's when you lose it. It's when you lose it, it's all you think about All you think about regaining that trust. You know, rebuilding what was fractured and what was lost in the relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think that's huge.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I think that's huge.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it can be recovered, but it's a process. It's a process, yeah, and sometimes that process is slow, sometimes it's fast. It just depends on the two individuals and how fast and how slow they're willing to go with the process.
Speaker 1:And it can be too fast.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It can be too fast, that it's artificial.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it doesn't yield the result that it needs to yield in both parties, because there's a process for both parties.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they need to be willing to walk through that process if they're truly going to rebuild that trust. Now you can fake it, you can manufacture it, but it won't be substantial, it won't be sustaining over the long haul of the relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right. So infidelity causes losses in the relationship, so it's loss of respect. You want to talk about that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I mean when you, when you cheat on someone, when you commit infidelity. I mean those individuals. It's the victim. I mean those individuals, it's the victim. I want to try to keep it like that the victim. There's a certain level of respect and value or work that they had placed on that person that they lose.
Speaker 2:It's gone, it's gone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they may want to get it back and they can work to get it back, but in the moment it's not there.
Speaker 1:No, they see you, you different, they see with a different lens. Yeah, they view it a different lens and it's not one of respect, it's one of betrayal, it's one of disgrace, it's one of a loss of value. As I said before, that's that's. That's tough, but parties need to understand. Both parties need to understand, especially the one who committed the infraction, the infidelity. They need to understand that these things have taken place Like you didn't just go do what you want to do. When you did it, you took something from the marriage.
Speaker 1:Yeah you took something from the relationship. I don't care how long you could have been together since high school, middle school, college or whatever. I don't care how long you could have been together since high school, middle school, college or whatever when you committed that infraction, you robbed the relationship of something that you may not get back Right, or you're going to have to get it back, but it's going to be your new norm. You see what I'm saying? It's a new normal that comes into that relationship. You recover, but it's not like what it used to be.
Speaker 1:So you have to grieve what was yep, and that's where the anger, the frustration, the, the outburst, the hurt, the disappointment, the crying, all of that. Some even go to the point of separation for a season. Yeah, all of that has to happen in order for you to agree what was lost, because nobody wants to lose that no, but you don't think about it in the moment, right you don't think about.
Speaker 2:You know the consequences and what is going to take and the damage that you're going to do, not only to your spouse, but the relationship and how you're going to move forward. You know, in all of that, and I think a lot of some people want you to just forgive them and just let everything go back to normal. But there's no, like you said, there's no normal. Now we have a new normal, yeah, and we have to function this way, yeah, until I can, you know, forgive you yeah or go ahead no.
Speaker 1:You go ahead. No, I was gonna say. Even if you don't get caught, yeah, it's still a new normal for you in your psyche, because now your conscience is no longer clear. Yeah so even you have to be able to function with that stain on your conscience while you try to go back into what was the norm.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it is different.
Speaker 2:Different, yeah. So the next one was a loss of trust, which we've talked about. That, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you lose the trust of your partner. And can go deep with that. When you talk about loss of trust, that's where the stuff that normally happens in life, that you think nothing about it, doesn't work like that. Now that victim every is views everything through a different lens. Yeah, there's, there's this eye of suspicion. Yes, that's, on everything you do. So if you come home later than usual from work after committing infidelity, the thought you can't stop the thought from entering that person's mind of what are you doing?
Speaker 2:you must be out cheating if you go to the grocery store or if you go run out and do something, you know something, anything that's out of the norm, yeah, that suspicion is going to pop up and they're going to think about okay, why are they doing this, right they?
Speaker 1:will always doubt uh-huh um, your honesty, you see what I'm saying and and we're not talking about this to say that you can't recover, but we want people to understand. Before we get to some of the things you can do and navigate recovery, you have to understand that this is what happens, yeah, so I mean I don't know.
Speaker 1:You know this is ministry for us, it's an opportunity for help, to help people. Yeah, somebody may be watching this who's tempted by infidelity. You're considering infidelity. You know the enemy is trying to pull you into something and we're hoping you hear this and realize wait a minute, it's not worth it yeah, there's.
Speaker 1:The cost is bigger than just you doing something in secret. Right, it's a bigger cost and and it's not worth it. It's not. It's not worth it when you have a good, healthy relationship and a godly relationship. It's not worth the sacrifice of what you're going to lose.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you, if you take these steps and and it's discovered in your, in your- marriage, yeah, and sometimes they do that because it's certain things they're not getting in their marriage. But that can be worked out through conversation, going to counseling, talking to the right person to help you with the issues that you're having going outside the marriage won't fix it yeah, the willingness to change too.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of counseling and tools and resources, but both parties have to be willing to change and make the necessary adjustments yeah in order to get to a healthy place exactly and then even the the one who's committing the infraction has to be willing to look within and recognize. I've got to make some adjustments within me because you know I always say this, no matter what one partner does you didn't make me go commit adultery yeah you know that partner didn't make that person commit infidelity, right?
Speaker 1:you see what I'm saying. It was a choice, right? You may not have done what I want you to do. You may not have given me what I wanted, you may not have provided the affirmation that I feel like I needed, but even with me not getting those things, my commitment to god, yes, should help me maintain a boundary around our relationship where I don't go outside of that to try to satisfy my needs. Exactly, you see what I'm saying. So it's still a choice.
Speaker 1:Yes, that spouse plays a role a huge role but at the end of the day, it's still a personal decision that I have to make within myself, or a person has to make within themselves, to go and do that yeah, yeah, that's good so, yeah, so that loss, that doubt, that suspicion is going to be there and although you forgive, you confess it, you tell what you did, they still will have a problem believing you, because trust is lost.
Speaker 2:Yeah, even if the phone rings and they're hiding their phones, I mean all any little thing that's out of the norm that makes them.
Speaker 1:If you silence a call, why you silence that call? Who was that?
Speaker 2:You know it's, it was failed you got to go through all of that to rebuild trust yeah. You know you got to be able to. You know tell everything. Tell where you being, where you going, who you talking to, who you with, who going to be there, like everything. How long it's going to take for you to get there, how long it's going to take for you to get back. I mean the details. And some people don't like you know, initially to tell the details of their day, of everything that they have to do.
Speaker 1:Well, that's that new norm, why I got to do this. I didn't do this before. Well, you didn't commit infidelity before either. Right so those before either. Right, so those are the different changes that come in, yeah, but yeah, what else you got? Loss of relationship freedom. Yeah, oh, that's that. You know, we just touched on that. Yeah, that's that freedom of just enjoying one another, without the suspicion, without the question, without being concerned about can I really trust you?
Speaker 2:you know that you lose that yeah, so um, I think we touched on all these loss of unhindered openness and loss of human inconsistency yeah, that communication piece gets hit because now can I really just talk to you?
Speaker 1:how do I just talk to you freely when I don't trust you?
Speaker 1:it's hard to do, yeah, yeah, so that that unhindered communication is gone now, because at first I felt like I was talking to my friend, my best friend, my spouse, my partner, the one I'm in covenant with, but now I'm talking to the one who betrayed me. So there's a there's a likeliness that I'll try to conceal or withhold certain things because I don't know how you use it or if I can trust you with that information you'll use it or if I can trust you with that information.
Speaker 2:So I'm wondering, like if you trust, if you love me or if everything that you're saying out of your mouth is really honest, like, are you being really honest with me? Are you just saying stuff to just you know? Say it, yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's one of the biggest challenges with trying to recover in a relationship where there's been infidelity in a marriage is for that victim to say I want to trust you, but can I really trust you?
Speaker 2:You see what I'm saying yeah, except there are no guarantees that your partner will be faithful.
Speaker 1:OK, now if, if a couple decides we're going to work through this, we're going to recover, One of the first thing they try to do is put up some boundary lines and prevent any more infractions right.
Speaker 1:Any more infidelity within the marriage. And so, okay, let's work on rebuilding trust, let's work on growing together, let's work on moving forward, and usually that victim wants this right here. How can you guarantee that is not going to happen again? That's what they want to know. How can you guarantee and you just said it, there is no guarantee that is not going to happen again? That's what they want to know. How can you guarantee and you just said it there is no guarantee that is not going to happen again right, so what do you do?
Speaker 1:well, you have to if you're going to move forward. You have to move forward knowing that there's a risk involved. It's just like any other relationship, even before infidelity, when we first meet, there's a risk that you'll cheat on me. Yeah, you see what I'm saying. There's a risk that things will go crazy. Yeah, in the relationship, even in marriage, after something happens and you, you're you're aware of it and you decide to stay together, there's still a risk there yeah that they could do it again.
Speaker 1:Right, some would suggest that the only guarantee you have is when the other party acknowledges the pain and the hurt and the loss and the betrayal that they have caused to the relationship. It's one of those things when you know that person now feels the weight of their actions, that's probably going to be the strongest motivator for them to change and not repeat those actions. Right, but beyond that, I mean you can hack, they say, a phone. You can track everything, you can share your location.
Speaker 2:I mean you can get all the details. Yeah, you can get all the details of everything.
Speaker 1:You can watch the bank account. You can watch the phone record. You can do all of that. There is no guarantee and so you have to go into it believing that they're going to honestly stick with the process of rebuilding trust right and eliminating any outside uh activities yeah that compromise the relationship.
Speaker 2:So that other person they have to work on their issue also of not trusting- you know it's a process for them, because you can't just blow off the handle every time, because if you're saying that you're going to stay in this, you're going to work through this, well, that's your part. Part of it you have to work through. Ok, I said I'm going to stay. Now I have to try to work on trusting this person again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's hard yeah, because the, the infidel is working on proving that okay for real. Now I am who I say I am you know like I got it?
Speaker 2:yeah, they're working on.
Speaker 1:They're trying to prove that, not overly yeah, I think you can do too much right, and it makes it hard to believe you yeah, you can try to go too fast yeah and it makes it seem like you just want to be over, but but you understand. Okay, I have to prove once again that I can be this trustworthy person yeah and the victim, as you said, is also trying to. They're working on trust strength again, so it's work on both sides yeah there is no, you work on you and it'll fix it.
Speaker 2:No, both of us will have something to work on here if we're going to recover and that's what we tell the people don't make, don't try to make it better, because it's a process. Yes, yes, that's one of the big mistakes people make.
Speaker 1:They try to make it better. What can I do to fix it? What can I do to make it all right? You can I do to fix it? What can I do to make?
Speaker 2:it all right, you can't.
Speaker 1:What you have to do is be consistent in your character.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Be who you say you are, do what you say you're going to do and let them see a track record of your commitment to them, and that is one of the first levels of rebuilding trust. I could even go back before that. Shut all doors, yeah, and avenues for you to be tempted to go out yeah and betray the relationship again. That's good number one. Shut that off. That is delete numbers out. Your phone block. Sometimes you need to change your number.
Speaker 2:Yeah, get a new phone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you need to get a new phone, you need to do something.
Speaker 2:Remove people off social media. Yeah, oh yeah, if that's it.
Speaker 1:Or cancel your account. What do you do Not log out? Delete. Delete your account on social media. Delete your social media account. Yeah, everybody.
Speaker 2:Well, you know this is different from when we were coming up, we didn't have social media, that's true, so you know, we found out somebody was cheating. It was like what? Just a cell phone, or you saw somebody somewhere, or what you telling people about our age. I'm just saying.
Speaker 1:We looked like we might have had social media. I mean, we had it, you know, but we were married, you know the age of you know, but, yeah, but we were married, you know the age of you know, with social media, so, but I mean we did have. I mean you go back, I can think back to college.
Speaker 2:We had, uh, black planet I was gonna say my space. Okay, yeah, my space. Are you telling it all?
Speaker 1:now we had that stuff right and people were trying to hook up on those platforms. Where you could, you could post a picture of yourself and all that kind of stuff. I had a profile on black man. I don't know if it still exists now, I think it's gone now but all of that.
Speaker 1:People had little aliases and all that all kind of stuff on on social media. So it's been something. It's just now. You got dms and you can call people on FaceTime. You don't have to have a phone number. You can reach somebody through social media. It's just. Access is a lot easier.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's the thing. And so some people don't need that access and you have to know when you can't handle that access Right and you got to delete your social media account, like the world will go on delete it, you'll be okay you know, change your number the people that need to have it they'll get it yeah you know, I promise you you'll be.
Speaker 1:If you, if you want to rebuild trust in your relationship, you'll do what's necessary to show that person that, hey, I'm serious about this. Right, it's not about making them believe in a certain time period, it's just about putting the things in place to say, hey, I'm serious, I'm committed and I want to move forward. Yeah, and it won't always be like that. That's the thing people have to realize.
Speaker 1:This is what happens initially, to get started yeah but if you're not willing to do what needs to be done initially, you're not going to do. You're not going to get to that place where the trust is rebuilt and the relationship begins to recover.
Speaker 2:And so what else? Something else that we tell couples is not to try to hide their pain, yeah, and don't try to fix it with sex.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you don't hide how you feel. Yeah, yeah, you don't hide how you feel. That's a part of the grieving of the old norm, as well as acknowledging the pain that you feel, like all that I'm OK. I'm OK. That's those are lies. Yeah, don't do that to yourself. You're not going to be able to get to the next place of rebuilding trust if you don't acknowledge that you're hurt by the betrayal Exactly.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's for the victim, but even for the infidel. The infidel has to also grieve the pain that has been caused and the hurt that has been caused and the loss that has been caused. So grieving takes place on both sides and, to be honest with you, you really don't get to the place of rebuilding trust until both individuals come to that place of grieving.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Because you don't grieve until you acknowledge yeah, exactly what you have done and what you've lost, and the harm the damage that you cause, and that causes for both of them to be honest with how they truly feel.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, and and one of the key things with that is when they make a make the decision to stay together yeah when we decide to stay together. We no longer have to dance around how we really feel yeah we can start being honest. You see what I'm saying, but most couples aren't able to get to the honesty place because they haven't made the decision that they're gonna stick together yeah and reveal yeah, and I think that's hard because for the victim, they're, they're scared, right.
Speaker 2:They're like I don't know if they're going to do this again. So you know, I really can't say, you know that I want to stay in this and I think sometimes they want to stay in it, but they're like okay, I need to see some change.
Speaker 1:I need to see some remorse.
Speaker 2:I need to see some action. I need, I just need to see something different yeah and I think usually they're willing to stay in it and say, okay, I'm willing to try you know, and sometimes, you know, even if they're just remorseful yes, you know, because some people they just want you to get over it like, okay, yeah, I did it.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, you know, let's just move on and it doesn't work like that yeah, one of the key factors to the victim starting and stepping into that healing process is when they begin to see the infidel, the person who committed the act, when they see them begin to grieve, when they see that person begin to grieve, when they see that person begin to feel hurt and pain and recognize what they've done, then that that victim starts to step back and say okay yeah now you understand.
Speaker 2:Now you realize the harm and the damage you've caused me and to our marriage and, if there's children involved, to the family, all of that, and that's when they start to say, okay, now I actually believe you're ready to go forward and usually when the victim gets to that point, that's when we can pull back the layers and find out that, uh, that small little piece that they played in the um, the infidelity, because a lot of times the victim thinks and I didn't do anything, but if you constantly, you know, pull back some layers, we find out that there was probably some things that you know you did yeah that you really wasn't aware that you were doing, oh yeah but, but they both parties have to get to that place.
Speaker 2:Yes, you know, you just can't go at the victim and be like, well, you did this and you did that.
Speaker 1:You can't do that initially well, you mean the infidel, or you are you talking about the victim? Yeah, oh, okay, yeah when you're trying to find their role in the affair oh, I can't.
Speaker 2:You can't initially just go after them with that. You know what I'm saying at the beginning because they're gonna be defensive. They did you know, and so you have to pull back those layers. But, you know, then the infidel has to become broken, remorseful and, just you know, really feel bad about what they did, and, um, and it all kind of ties together yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:Well, let's wrap this up. What else we got, we want to make sure we give to them before we oh, we didn't.
Speaker 2:Um, don't try to fix it with sex.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, you did say that. No, don't try. Physical touch can try to mask emotional pain.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And it's just a mask. It's like a band-aid.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It does not heal the wound, it does not. It does not cause recovery. It's just a cover-up Quick fix. It's a quick fix, but it's really not fixing anything. Nope, the issue is still there. Yeah, it's still there. So it don't try to use physical touch or sex intimacy to try to make yourself feel better, because feeling better doesn't make it better no and don't offer comfort to one another.
Speaker 2:Be willing to talk about the pain and loss no, I think.
Speaker 1:I think we said do offer comfort yes, do yeah, yeah, do offer comfort to one another, like you're both grieving, right. So, as you're grieving, be there for each other. You're rebuilding the relationship yeah in a loving relationship.
Speaker 1:If my spouse is grieving or hurting, I'm gonna offer comfort. I'm not gonna do too much because I realized it's a sensitive matter, but I am gonna let you know. I recognize you're hurting right, and it's okay for the. But I am going to let you know I recognize you're hurting Right, and it's okay for the victim to do that for the infidel as well, yeah.
Speaker 1:To say I still may not like you right now and I'm I'm not over it, but I see you're grieving and you're in pain by what happened and I recognize that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you know, offer words of comfort or however they comfort one another, and the last thing is stay in the process. Yes, if you stay in the process, that's really the key. If you stay in the process, you can get to a better place.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And a lot of couples abort the process.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, I've heard a lot of couples start counseling or they feel like they've gotten to a place and then they stop, or they don't finish, or they just move on you know, and they don't complete the process but, if you stay in the process, I believe that things will get better and your new normal will be better.
Speaker 1:Yes, so I think staying in the process is getting that help you're referring to, and also staying in the process is staying committed to rebuilding the trust like commit to it, don't give up on it. It's going to be good days. It's going to be bad days. It's going to be some ups and downs, but stay committed to it and you will overcome you will get there, yeah, but it's a journey yeah, but it can be restored.
Speaker 2:I've seen couples that have faced this um, once they stay in the process, that they're stronger, they're better they, they just love each other even more and it's just a beautiful thing. You know, how could something so ugly, you know, end up if they stay in the process, uh, become so beautiful?
Speaker 1:yeah and you know we've seen couples. When you mentioned that, we've seen couples, when you mentioned that we've seen couples who experience infidelity and, as a result of it, some unspoken things came to light, things that they needed to deal with, that weren't dealt with. And because they were willing to deal with those things and go through the process, like you said, they're stronger, they're better they have, their relationship is more authentic yeah now because some things had to come out yeah, and be dealt with, but unfortunately it was through infidelity yeah but it brought them to a better place a better place
Speaker 1:yeah, well, look, I hope. Hopefully that helps some of you. That's been watching. I hope you like and subscribe if this was beneficial to you. Comment, let us know what you think about this. I know this is a serious matter and a sensitive topic for a lot of people and we take that real serious, but I hope we've given you some steps, some tools, some strategy and just understanding about what that looks like. If you've been in that situation on either side, hopefully this will be helpful and beneficial to you. So listen, thank you for joining us for another episode of Doing it With the Daniels and we'll see you again next week. Take care, hey, thank you for joining us for Doing it With the Daniels. If you want to keep up with everything going on on our channel, don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and share this podcast.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. We'll see you next time.