The Power of Sacrifice in Relationships

Ever wondered how to transform your marriage from a battleground of selfish desires to a sanctuary of mutual sacrifice? Join us on "Doing it With the Daniels" as we uncover the secrets of turning self-centered expectations into a flourishing, loving partnership. Through engaging stories and light-hearted anecdotes, like the quirky expectation of washing your spouse's car, we demonstrate how compromise isn't just a necessary evil but the first step toward a deeply connected and fulfilling relationship.

Discover the profound impact of consistent, loving sacrifices on family dynamics and the harmony of household roles. We delve into practical examples such as rising early to prepare meals and explore how men stepping into traditionally female roles can reduce stress and bolster family unity. By celebrating small acts of sacrifice, we highlight how these gestures of love and care can strengthen the marital bond and create a cohesive, loving family environment. Tune in and learn how to make sacrifices that speak louder than any words, transforming your relationship into a lifelong partnership of shared love and mutual support.

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Transcript

Sacrifice and Compromise in Marriage

Speaker 1 0:00

I think in any relationship, when you go from selfishness to sacrifice you have to walk through the door of compromise.

Speaker 2 0:07

Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 1 0:11

Welcome to Doing it With the Daniels, the podcast where we navigate life, marriage and ministry. I'm Charles.

Speaker 2 0:17

And I'm Tisa. Join us as we share insights, wisdom and practical advice to strengthen your marriage, empower your life and enrich your ministry.

Speaker 1 0:25

Let's dive in together and discover the joys of doing it with the Daniels. Hey, welcome to Doing it With the Daniels, where we help couples get it on in life, marriage and ministry. We are so glad to have you once again for this next episode of Doing it With the Daniels. It's going to be great today.

Speaker 2 0:43

It's going to be really good.

Speaker 1 0:44

It'll be interesting. Yeah, how you doing? I'm doing good, you look good.

Speaker 2 0:48

Well, thank you, you do too, thank you girl. Don't get nothing started. Don't get nothing started in here now.

Speaker 1 0:55

Well, I guess we need to talk about something today. What are we talking?

Speaker 2 0:58

about.

Speaker 1 1:07

We're going to talk about sacrifice today. Sacrifice, my goodness, okay. Well, I think sacrifice is huge in the boundaries of marriage, or you know, the confines of a marriage relationship. Sometimes I don't think couples realize how much sacrifice is involved in getting married that's right, and so a lot of people approach marriage from the position of selfishness. What do you think about that?

Speaker 2 1:26

I think you could talk. I think you could talk about that one.

Speaker 1 1:32

Well, I think most people can talk about it. I was not selfish well, I mean, yeah, you were you, just, it just looked different. I think everybody shows up to be selfish, I think everybody shows up with their own intent. Sometimes it's just a selfish view of marriage. Where, uh, the way you want to go?

Speaker 1 1:54

yeah, I'll even speak to this when we talk about, when we talk about who we're going to marry. Like your, a lot of people have these lists make out, a list of who you want to marry and who you want to be with and what, how you want them to be and how much money you want them to make and what you want them to look like. They make out these lists and these are nothing but a bunch of selfish lists most of the time.

Speaker 2 2:15

Yeah.

Speaker 1 2:15

If you look at the list a lot of times, that list is all about the other person, all about you. Yes, it has nothing to do with that other person, whoever they may be. It's all about you, what you want, how you think, the way you want things to be is selfish. Yeah, yeah, it's my list it's what I want is why? Okay, what did you think about what the other person might need out of the relationship? Nope, you only thinking about what you want, what you desire, what's going to make you happy what's going to make you happy, what's going to make you feel like this is a great relationship.

Speaker 1 2:47

But what if that other party comes with their own list and it conflicts with what you want? Now you got a problem. Now you get to the door of compromise. Yes, where are we going to compromise? And I think that's the big thing, I think in any relationship, when you go from selfishness to sacrifice you have to walk through the door of compromise yeah, that's good.

Speaker 1 3:11

Yeah, I think that's a that's important for people to understand. And if you're going to marry somebody, if you're going to hook your life up with somebody, you got to be prepared to go through the door of compromise. If you're going to keep the marriage moving forward, that's right. So I think sacrifice is is a huge deal once you get over the hump of selfishness. And I think that's where a lot of us start out in the relationship, and I'll be honest and admit I think more so men than women, because we're not natural nurturers right, that's what I'm trying to think.

Speaker 2 3:45

I'm like, I'm just thinking, like I'm trying to get something, but you, you're going to tell me what you, what you, what you what you're thinking about I'm trying to think in the in, in, at the out of the duration of our marriage. When have I been selfish? Well or, or. You said coming into the marriage, coming into the marriage or during the marriage.

Speaker 1 4:10

I mean when you, when you came to the marriage and you approached it from the standpoint of I'm gonna wash your car every week, okay, you didn't think about me being in the sun, you didn't think about me being tired working all week. All you thought about was getting my car washed by Friday.

Speaker 2 4:29

But is that an expectation?

Speaker 1 4:31

Yeah, it's an expectation that you had.

Speaker 2 4:33

Okay. Right, but there's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 1 4:35

But you're the only one that benefits from it.

Speaker 2 4:38

You don't benefit from it. No, you drive the car too.

Speaker 1 4:40

No no.

Speaker 2 4:43

I'm putting in the work care it was.

Speaker 1 4:45

You didn't think anything about me.

Speaker 2 4:46

It was for your benefit only why you say think nothing about you we could do all these rhetorical questions you. You had nothing to do with me well, I'm just saying like, don't you drive the car too?

Speaker 1 5:00

yeah, but what does that mean? Okay?

Speaker 2 5:02

but it doesn't matter to you. If the car is dirty, you don't care it is still dry okay, all right, so it's preference now, yeah, I mean we'll get it clean. Okay, but you came in with the expectation of my husband gonna wash my car, yeah so I'll have to do it yeah, see you benefit and and I think you know, sometimes we grow up thinking, oh, this is a man job, this is what women do, you know, kind of like the women cook.

Speaker 1 5:30

Oh, that's what y'all think, right, I came in thinking you can do all the cooking. Oh, was I surprised.

Speaker 2 5:35

I did in the beginning.

Speaker 1 5:36

Yeah, in the beginning. But that thing turned you like I ain't the only one that can cook, and you used to cook when you was dating me.

Speaker 2 5:46

Exactly. And what happened? What do you mean? What happened After we got married? All the cooking just stopped. You forgot how to cook. I don't know how to cook, no more, I'm like, but you did all this cooking in your apartment. I was letting you take care of it.

Speaker 1 5:59

See there, like you said, that's a woman's job, right.

Speaker 2 6:03

No, I'm saying we go into, we come into marriage, just thinking.

Speaker 1 6:07

Oh, come on, You're talking good now.

Speaker 2 6:11

It's what men do, it's what women do, so I'm just saying that's how we go into it. Yeah, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Yeah, because we sacrifice for one another. That is true.

Speaker 1 6:24

That is true Even when it comes to intimacy.

Speaker 2 6:25

Yeah.

Speaker 1 6:26

People have these inflated views of what their sex life is going to be like when they get married, and it's pretty selfish. It's all about them getting what they want and not even thinking about the other party. It's just okay, this is what I'm going to do, this is what I want to do. It this many times. What I'm going to do is what I want to do it this many times, like, like.

Speaker 1 6:45

Do you have you even considered how the other person feels about all of your day dreaming right, and your ventures are what you want to do? Like. It's totally selfish, yeah, but when you get to that place of sacrifice in the relationship, it's when you stop thinking about self and you start thinking about the other party, what they desire, what they need and how you can serve them, and I think that's the power of sacrifice. I think when you really start to see sacrifice in a relationship, it's when you start to know that this person really loves you and really cares about you, when you start to recognize they're doing for you something that they don't have to do right they're going beyond the norm or beyond the expectation and they're paying a price right.

Speaker 1 7:33

They're giving up something that they could do or may want to do, in order to give you what you want. It's just like in any relationship, I think, where you begin to see people, uh, give up. You've heard many stories about people giving up their dream yeah like some people, don't realize that some people sacrifice their dreams for their spouse, for their spouse. I think a lot of women do that, especially those when they start having children yeah and the husband wants them to stay at home.

Speaker 1 8:01

yeah, they sacrifice corporate America, they sacrifice being an entrepreneur yeah. They sacrifice those things so to give their family or to give their husband what they want, that's a huge sacrifice because you can give yourself for 20, 30, 40 years to your children, to your husband and then still within, say I wish I had the opportunity. Yeah, not that you grieve over it or you regret it, it's just you wish.

Speaker 2 8:29

There's some things that you wanted to do.

Speaker 1 8:31

Yeah, you've seen things you wanted to do, but you feel like it was worth it. The sacrifice was worth it because you raised your family, you provided for your family.

Speaker 2 8:42

You was there for them.

Speaker 1 8:44

And so that changes the whole dynamics of things, it changes the whole outlook of things, where you say, yes, I sacrificed some things that I wanted so that I could give my family some things that they want. Right, you know something that we talked about when our youngest child was born and you wanted to stay home.

Speaker 2 9:02

Yeah.

Speaker 1 9:02

From your job, you know, and looking back now, we wish I would have stayed home.

Speaker 2 9:07

We wish we would have made that sacrifice. Yeah, you know, it could have been done.

Speaker 1 9:11

It could have been done yeah, I mean, things would look different, but it could have been done yeah but we didn't do it at the time because of the way we thought about our life and what we wanted to do and how we thought we had to go about it.

Speaker 2 9:21

Yeah, but but that's back wish we would have done it yeah yeah, because things would been different. It would have been a better situation, probably for our whole household. Yeah, you know it would have put a little strain, but I think it would have been overall would have been better. Yeah.

Speaker 1 9:34

I think it would have been a strain until we adjusted to it. You know what I'm saying yeah, that's. The key is those adjustments. Any sacrifice requires adjustments and I think that's what couples have to realize. I think about. The Bible says what's that verse in Ephesians where he starts talking about Ephesians 5 and 25. Yeah. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, when you think about Jesus and we talked about this before and you made the statement Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice the ultimate sacrifice and he's like a husband man.

Speaker 2 10:10

Yeah.

Speaker 1 10:11

To his church and he modeled sacrifice. I mean, when you look at his sacrifice, he gave himself literally, literally. He gave his life for the church. And he says to husbands love your wives. And he says to husbands love your wives. The writer of Ephesians love your wives as Christ has loved the church.

Speaker 1 10:33

So he's telling husbands when you decide to make a woman your wife, you should go into it with the mindset that you're going to give yourself for her. You're going to take the responsibility to do whatever you got it you have to do to protect her, to provide for her, to support her, to nurture her, to care for her, and it's going to require you to give up some of the things that you may want yeah so that you can be what you need to be for her, for her and to her, yeah that's a that's a different mindset yeah, it is.

The Power of Sacrifice in Marriage

Speaker 2 11:11

That's good, though I like that it's a different mindset going into a relationship and and being sacrificial, yeah, and I think most of us we're not sacrificial, we're selfish, yeah one thing I think about what we talked about was Proverbs 31, woman, where she, she sacrificed for her family, for her household, for others, and it's like you know that's hard. When you read her you feel like, oh my God, you know, I can't even like measure up.

Speaker 2 11:41

But I mean, she was just an awesome woman and I just think about that. You know, know what she did and the things that you know, they, you know, said about her in scripture, so yeah I mean even rising up early to feed her family, to prepare a meal.

Speaker 1 11:57

You know you sacrificing sleep so that you can feed your children and feed your husband. Yeah, you know it's, it's a cause it is and you know, I think we have to go back to that. We live in a day now where people don't want to sacrifice. You know, and and I hate to say this it's not a bad thing, but it's the world we live in yeah and the what the world has become.

Speaker 1 12:19

And everybody's not like this, but some are um, it's the whole cereal, it's the cereal household where mothers don't cook, or fathers I'm not putting all the cooking on women, men can cook too, you know, if they have the time. I mean traditional families, typically the woman. But because no one makes a sacrifice and we're so money driven and we have to do what we have to do, our business is our job. We feed our children I mean, we know it now junk food.

Speaker 2 12:50

You know the cereals most cereals, not even healthy. Pop tarts, egg waffles you know stuff that's quick, fast. Instant oatmeal. Yeah, you know all that fast stuff. Let me hurry up and get it done fast because to do something healthier requires a sacrifice, yeah, financially, because it's cost more money and time.

Speaker 2 13:11

It takes time to cut up fruit. It takes time to, you know, make a meal from scratch instead of like doing instant oatmeal. Well, now you got to go get the rolled oats, you got to put it on the stove and book. So it's just, it's a lot.

Speaker 1 13:23

It takes a lot, but it's a sacrifice. But what's the outcome?

Speaker 2 13:25

it's healthier it's better for you. Yeah, you live a healthier life, but what's the outcome?

Speaker 1 13:27

It's healthier, it's better for you. Yeah, you live a healthier life. You have the potential of living longer, avoiding diseases. Yeah, you see, so sacrifice has a big benefit.

Speaker 2 13:38

Yeah, it does.

Speaker 1 13:39

It's just sometimes we don't like the cost and in marriage sometimes couples don't like the cost of sacrifice, even financially.

Speaker 2 13:45

Yeah.

Speaker 1 13:45

Sometimes you have to make a financial sacrifice in order to have a better family unit or better marriage. All that comes with the territory, that comes with the process, and so you have to be willing to look at what sacrifices do we need to make? I think it starts off to it. What sacrifices do I personally need to make for the sake of my spouse?

Speaker 2 14:06

yeah, so don't tell me about that.

Speaker 1 14:08

I don't know. You tell me, what do you think? What sacrifice you think a man should make for his wife or for his family?

Speaker 2 14:14

I'm just trying. I'm thinking about you in the beginning, because when you said you know, men are normally very selfish, yeah, so, um, you know, like washing of the car, that was one thing for us. Cleaning the house, or helping with laundry, or you know, those things that we kind of label that this is what the man does, this is what a woman does.

Speaker 1 14:31

You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 14:31

yeah, the role differences and I think sometimes we can get caught up in that and we don't help each other out um, and so sometimes you have to sacrifice what you feel like is a role difference, like I don't, I don't cook, men don't cook. You know, you got some men that they're just like that. They just don't cook, but they can you know, and so you have to sacrifice.

Speaker 2 14:53

Well, babe, I'm not going to. You know, don't worry about dinner today. I got it. That's a sacrifice. You know what I'm saying? Or, after she cooks, don't worry about cleaning up, I'll take care of that.

Speaker 1 15:13

Yeah, that, yeah, I think about even you know, we talked about this before in a previous episode when you be at home cooking and I didn't want to go to the store because you, you called me and said can you stop and get this? Or whatever. And it was a sacrifice for me to go because I'm tired. I didn't really want to go, uh, but had I gone, it was a worthy sacrifice, yeah, and and by not going, it put more stress on you, it created more frustration in you and it slowed down a process that didn't have to be slowed down.

Speaker 2 15:35

Right.

Speaker 1 15:36

So I think, just learning those necessary sacrifices even now.

Speaker 2 15:41

Yeah.

Speaker 1 15:41

Taking your car to put gas in it when you bring it home. I need gas.

Speaker 2 15:47

It's usually in the wintertime. Yeah, I mean you the wintertime, yeah.

Speaker 1 15:49

I mean, you don't like the cold. But at one time it was like you didn't get gas. But as a man, as you grow and mature, you realize no, I don't want you out getting gas, especially at nighttime.

Speaker 1 16:00

No, I got it, so you bring it on home and I don't say anything now, but when you, oh, I need some gas it's like okay, yeah, either I'm gonna go get it that night or I'm gonna get up early in the morning, go put gas in it before you have to leave and be where you have to be yeah, you see what I'm saying it's a sacrifice.

Speaker 1 16:18

But here's the thing about sacrifices as you begin to do them and you make it your norm, and you do it out of love, not out of obligation, it doesn't feel so much like a sacrifice, like the things that I do for you now don't feel like a sacrifice anymore. If I think about it. It is a sacrifice. I have to sacrifice sleep or something but it doesn't feel like a sacrifice. It feels like, oh, I want to do this for her. It's better if I do it, it's better for me to be at the gas station at night than for her to be at the gas station.

Speaker 1 16:51

So it just makes sense you see what I'm saying it's better for me to go out to the store if we need something and it's nighttime, then for her to go. It makes it's not a sacrifice anymore now. It's because I'm called to protect and to love and to provide for and to nurture, and by doing that I'm keeping her safe right, yeah.

Speaker 1 17:07

You see what I'm saying. So it shifts and I think that's the thing people have to realize what feels like a sacrifice initially, or what is a sacrifice initially, as you do it with the right heart it changes. It changes, yeah, yeah.

Importance of Sacrifice in Relationships

Speaker 2 17:22

Because even now, when I tell you certain things, it's like you don't. You never respond in any kind of way. But you're like, ok, I got it, and if you don't do it that night, you'll do it. You know, first thing in the morning before I had to leave to go, you know where I need to go and I'll be like okay, but you know and I know it's a sacrifice to get up early before I had to leave to get that done what does?

Speaker 1 17:43

there's a question I have for you that we didn't discuss, but what does me sacrificing for you? What does that do for you? How does that make you? What does that do for you? How does that make you feel? How does that impact your view of me as your husband?

Speaker 2 18:00

It does a couple things. It makes me feel loved, it makes me feel like you care, it makes me feel like you're concerned about what I got going on, and it makes me feel protected, depending on what it is. So there's a couple different things that it makes me feel and it makes me feel protected, depending on what it is, um, so there's a couple of different things that it makes me feel and it makes me feel good Like you just really really love me.

Speaker 1 18:20

I do Well, and I think. I think that's the point we're trying to make about the power of sacrifice in a relationship. Yeah, as you give of yourself. It also creates a reassuring in the other person that I'm important to you, you love me, you care about me.

Speaker 2 18:38

This relationship matters to you and it's the little things. I hear a lot of women say that it's not the big things, it's not the big elaborate gifts, it's just the little bitty things that you do to make me feel like you care, you're thinking of me, you're concerned about what I got going on, and all of that.

Speaker 1 18:57

So it can be small things doesn't have to be anything big yeah, absolutely, I think it's important yeah that we keep that in mind when we when we navigate a relationship, because if you're not careful, it's easy to revert back yeah to being selfish, and that selfishness I mean. I think we both agree selfishness deteriorates a relationship, yeah, it destroys a relationship and it you know all feeling love, feeling value, feeling accepted, feeling important, feeling like I care and I'm being considerate of you all. That goes out the window when selfishness is in play yeah, it does.

Speaker 1 19:37

How do you feel when you feel like think back to when I was selfish, or you felt like I was selfish. How did that make you feel?

Speaker 1 19:45

oh, not good, like you didn't care, wasn't concerned um questioning, and the reason I'm asking is I'm sorry to interrupt you, but the reason I'm asking you this is because I'm thinking about women who are, who may be dealing with this. Yeah, and you're expressing what maybe they can't express, but maybe they can play this for their spouse say, hey, we're gonna watch doing with the daniels, and while you're talking, yeah they can say yeah, that's how I feel.

Speaker 1 20:15

Yeah, yeah, so concerned um really questioning if he really loves me um just and see for a man, that never crosses our mind that if I don't do for you certain things beyond the norm, yeah, that it makes you feel unloved and sometimes that's the hardest thing where, when, um, when sex is not flowing as naturally as it should be is usually because the woman doesn't feel loved.

Speaker 2 20:46

She doesn't feel like you're concerned, she doesn't feel like you care, she just feels like okay, you know I gotta go do this, but there's no other concern for me throughout the week. You know, what I got going on, and so that's what I felt um when you were in your little selfish mode.

Speaker 2 21:04

I just feel like you just really didn't care, like it was all about you yeah and making sure everything for you was taken care of, but no concern for me and what I had going on or anything like that. It just doesn't make you feel good. It doesn't make you feel like you're just so excited to be in this relationship.

Speaker 1 21:22

Yeah, I think, I think that's huge. You don't feel? You don't feel like you're that man in the relationship when that woman does not do for you yeah, and make those sacrifices almost like man. Do you even care anything about me?

Speaker 2 21:43

you see what I'm saying yeah, like you don't feel valued and I think appreciation is big yeah that's one of the last points I want to make.

Speaker 1 21:51

If a man is sacrificing, I can only speak for a man, and you've spoken kind of how it makes women feel when a man does or if he doesn't sacrifice. But when a man is sacrificing for his wife and she fails to show appreciation, that doesn't feel good to a man, that that makes him question should I be doing this, doing all this for you, because you? You there's no gratitude. But if you will show that appreciation, if you will show that gratitude, if you acknowledge that he's going above and beyond to to be what, to be what needs to. He needs to be to you and do what needs to be done for you, yeah, he will continue, he will look for new ways yeah exactly to sacrifice for you because he knows it's value.

Speaker 1 22:43

Yeah, it's appreciated. That's right. And you recognize that you don't see him as some do boy exactly. You see him as a good husband. Some people in this do boy mentality that's stupid.

Speaker 2 22:52

Yeah, now we don't want to do that. Yeah, we're not trying to do that. We're not trying to be manipulative and, you know, make somebody do everything you want them to do. That's not. That's not what we're talking about.

Speaker 1 23:03

It's totally different yeah, but the real power of sacrifice goes back to what you said earlier. It really shows love. It expresses love and concern, yeah, and that this person is important to you. And I think that's what if more couples would make the necessary sacrifices for their partner to provide what they need from them and from many different aspects and it fits different couples differently but if they would do that, I believe that a lot of couples will see greater success, happiness and enjoyment in their relationship I agree, all right.

Speaker 2 23:38

Well, look, I think that was good. I like that. I did gotta make more sacrifice.

Speaker 1 23:42

Yes, thank y'all for joining us. Listen, like, comment, share. Let us know you were here. Let us know what you think about this. We would love to hear your feedback and your input, or if that's something you want us to talk about, let us know. We'll be happy to discuss it. If it's going to help you and benefit your marriage or your relationship, all right. God bless you. We'll see you soon. Take care, hey, thank you for joining us, for doing it with the daniels. If you want to keep up with everything going on on our channel, don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and share this podcast absolutely, we'll see you next time.