Doing It With The Daniels Podcast
Welcome to ‘Doing It With The Daniels’! This is where we show couples how to GET-IT-ON in life, marriage, AND ministry! 🚀
Doing It With The Daniels Podcast
From Me to We: Adjusting to Life Together in Marriage
Charles and Tesa Daniels share powerful insights on navigating the necessary adjustments couples must make to build a successful shared life in marriage. They draw from personal experiences to illuminate how the transition from independent to interdependent living requires intentional effort, patience, and communication.
• Letting go of the "me first" mentality to prioritize your spouse's needs
• Adapting personal habits and routines when living together
• Finding balance between different morning routines and lifestyle preferences
• Recognizing that men and women often approach consideration differently
• Adjusting communication styles to prevent emotional distance
• Learning to address issues promptly rather than letting them linger
• Keeping God at the center of your marriage in good times and bad
• Understanding that faith isn't just a backup plan for when problems arise
• Giving each other grace during the adjustment process
• Making these adjustments before serious problems develop
Be willing to make necessary adjustments in your marriage and let God be God in your life. If you want to keep up with everything going on, don't forget to like, comment, subscribe, and share this podcast.
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It's easy to forget that marriage needs God when things are good.
Speaker 2:Yes, things are good, and God is not your go-to. When it's bad, right, he's your sustainer and maintainer even when it's good. Welcome to Doing it With the Dales, the podcast where we navigate life, marriage and ministry. I'm Charles.
Speaker 1:And I'm Tisa. Join us as we share insights, wisdom and practical advice to strengthen your marriage, empower your life and enrich your ministry. I'm Charles and I'm Tisa. Join us as we share insights, wisdom and practical advice to strengthen your marriage, empower your life and enrich your ministry.
Speaker 2:Let's dive in together and discover the joys of doing it with the Daniels. Hey, welcome to doing it with the Daniels, where we help couples get it on in life, marriage and ministry. So glad to be back with you again this week for doing it with the daniels. What's up, babe? What's going on? I am great how you feeling I'm feeling good.
Speaker 1:You're excited, huh I am.
Speaker 2:I'm with you.
Speaker 1:I'm always excited when I'm with you it's always exciting to do the podcast and I'm hanging with my boo you're so crazy you remember that tv show cool, yeah, hanging with my boo. It's such a I didn't know that was the word. Did they say boo?
Speaker 2:That's what I thought I heard.
Speaker 1:I don't know if that's the right word, I don't know, but that's what I used to say. I'm hanging with my boo. We make up our own lyrics.
Speaker 2:Sure, do we do. What's going on you doing? Alright, I'm doing good.
Speaker 1:How about yourself? I am doing great, that's good.
Speaker 2:Ready to jump in with another episode of the podcast? Okay, get to be with you, get to be with our team today, come on.
Speaker 1:We have a good time behind the scenes. We have a good time. I love these people, man.
Speaker 2:They are such a blessing to me. Let me quit talking. I get emotional and start crying. But I just love them so much and yeah, so come on. So what's up what we got today? What are we talking about? You know, we like to jump right in, get straight to it. Um, we've had actually we had a busy week yes over this last weekend coming into the week. It's been a busy week and it seems like man we're already back here shooting a new episode of the podcast.
Speaker 2:It's like it's it's rolling yeah, it is from week to week rolling uh being able to do it. But I mean, it's exciting, I think the day before we have that kind of anxiousness and that anticipation about it, and then on the day of when it's time to do it, it's like man, we're excited, we're gonna jump in here. Let's make sure we give them the best value that we can, uh wisdom.
Speaker 2:We want to share it in part to them and really help them yeah, and so I I'm glad you know, once the once the lights go hot and the cameras get to rolling, hey, it's go time, it's go time. It's go time, time to help somebody. You know it's amazing we get to do this. You never know. With the use of technology, the Internet, live streaming audio and video, youtube and all that kind of stuff, you never know who's listening.
Speaker 1:you know, unless they tell us yeah, you know, unless they tell us yeah. And I love when we get feedback on you know the episodes and and what they liked, what they um, what they're struggling with and what they enjoy.
Speaker 2:I love to hear the feedback yeah, I think the blessing is that, even with from the feedback, even to those that we don't get it from, but they're blessed by it yeah sometimes we may never know right who's being impacted, but, um, I believe god will reward us. I believe there's a reward, yeah, for our efforts and our labor, um, even for those we don't know who are benefiting from this and so it's just a joy it's a joy to do it.
Speaker 2:It's a joy to just know that somebody's benefiting right from our journey exactly, and our experience and you know we often talk about we've had a great marriage. We had a great run in our marriage um and plan to continue yes, to have a great time, yeah, um, but but even with that, although it's been good, we've learned some things oh yeah, from the good and the bad, yeah you don't have to have a bad marriage in order to be able to share things with people about how to navigate marriage.
Speaker 2:As a matter of fact, I want to talk to people who had good marriages because they've done something right. Right, you know, I don't need to know all the details of your every mistake that you made and how terrible it was, and then, the last few years, you figured out how to make it good, right man like you, took you a long time to learn some things, but yeah, but you learn from those you do you absolutely learn from those mistakes?
Speaker 2:um, and I think for us we've had good and, but we had a balance yeah of good and bad. Well, I won't even say a balance. I don't think that's a good representation of our experience I don't think it was a balance what do you think it was? I think the good outweighed the bad, I think oh yeah I think, I think you know there's a, there's a little bad and a whole lot of good good that we have encountered, but I think we were able to recognize.
Speaker 1:I think that's the key we recognize what could have been bad yeah and adjusted before it became bad.
Speaker 1:Now, some things were bad we had to navigate through, but we got through it right that's that brokenness, those scars that you come in with and so those things were the bad stuff that we wasn't ready for, I don't think in the beginning, because we didn't realize that we were so broken and we're trying to come together and be one, and so I think that was a shocker, you know, for both of us. In learning, you know how to deal with all of that together. You know, now I'm not just by myself and I don't have to, just I'm not dealing with just all those scars and the baggage and the things from my childhood by myself. Now I'm putting that on you as well, and so now we got to work together to unpack all of this stuff totally agree, totally agree.
Speaker 2:I think that's a great assessment about what creates, kind of the bad experiences in marriage. It's not. It's not that marriage is bad or life is bad. Sometimes it's just some unhealed areas, baggage, wounds, scars, traumas that don't really surface until you start living life with somebody else and all of that starts to affect them and they start to let you know hey, all your stuff is hitting me Right, let you know hey, all your stuff is hitting me, yeah, right, and now it's like that's a problem because I didn't marry you to take on all your stuff.
Speaker 2:But when you marry somebody you do, you do take on all of that, and then you have to adjust yep, you got to help them out with it well, what are we talking about today?
Speaker 1:today we are talking about adjusting to a shared life in marriage adjustments yes, gotta make those adjustments.
Speaker 2:I think that's a difficult place for a lot of people, because I don't think we talk much about, or we think much about, changing when we get married or what areas we have to change in, and so we're going to give the people some things today, but we can't give you everything no I mean, and it's going to change, because when you, when you first get married, if there are no children involved, you know, when we got married there was a child involved, so there were adjustments around how we did life as a couple and parenting adjustments.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think you had to adjust in that area well, I think both of us did, because you didn't.
Speaker 2:Okay, I had to, just because I'm coming in to what they, what they used to call a ready-made family, so there's a child. But also you had to, just with now having somebody, yes, parent your child alongside you. Yes, yeah that was not there before uh-huh, that was. That was a huge adjustment, yeah yeah, so there were adjustments that we had to make in our shared life, that that we had to navigate and learn to navigate and become comfortable with the uncomfortable aspects of it. Yeah, that was real.
Speaker 1:That was adjustment for me, even when you said that about you know the child, because I had to in my mind, wanted to make sure you loved him just as much as you love me.
Speaker 2:So when you disciplined him that it was coming from a pure place, yeah, yeah, so that was tough yeah, I mean, and it's real, because if we're gonna have a family, there's certain aspects that need to be in place. You know, I don't believe in the whole. You marry somebody but they can't say anything to your child if you get married you already have a child. You don't get married and then say don't say it under my child yeah, that's gonna be a problem.
Speaker 1:That's a huge problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that child needs to understand how to respect both parents both parents. Even if it's a step-parent, they need to know how to respect even that step-parent. There cannot be this whole thing of I discipline my child, you don't say anything to them.
Speaker 1:That's a problem if they living.
Speaker 2:I'm paying the rent or the mortgage. They eating the food that I'm buying. You know, I'm making sure my I'm putting in money to make sure they got clothes on their back, but I can't say anything to them. No, we need to talk about this adjustment. We need to talk about that before we get married because I might not want to marry you.
Speaker 1:Exactly those are those conversations that needs to happen before and I don't think. You know. A lot of people have those because we're so, we're so excited. You know we got the butterflies and we so in love, and it's like after you know you get married. Then that's when all this stuff comes yeah you just be like what in the world?
Speaker 2:when the blood, when the butterflies leave, yeah then you gotta deal with life got real life and real life issues.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, oh yeah so the first thing I would say is putting each other first, definitely yeah definitely.
Speaker 2:I think that that becomes huge. I think for me, early on our marriage, I may have struggled with understanding because, you know, before we got married I was just concerned about me. Oh yeah, yeah, I was taking care of me, doing me, you know. But then we get married and it's like, oh, I need to consider you, but I'm like you should consider yourself.
Speaker 1:You ain't right.
Speaker 2:Or, or, if I need to, if it's something I need to consider about you, tell me. So, I know, like you know for me, I would go to give me some food and come home with me some food and you'd be like did you bring me anything Like? No, I thought you got your own food.
Speaker 1:It was like a whole like I don't know what, and my mom's like what is going on in your head? I don't know. I guess I was just used to hey. Well, if.
Speaker 2:I'm feeding me. Surely she's feeding herself, and you're just like you didn't think to call and ask me if I was hungry or wanted something to eat. Well, no because weren't you feeding yourself before we met? So now, when I stop to get food, I got to get you food too.
Speaker 1:I didn't know. You could just say, you know, call and say, hey, I'm finna, go get this. Do you want anything? Do you need anything? And keep in mind we were young and we were young, we were young so I'm like that didn't we're gonna give you some grace yeah, give me some grace.
Speaker 2:Give me some grace, that young version of me. But I just didn't think anything about. I mean, I figured in my mind the way I process it. I'm getting food. Surely you already got you something to eat or you're going to. Why would I call you and say hey, baby, let me bring you something.
Speaker 1:But you do it now, though, right, I do it now, I've learned better.
Speaker 2:I've learned better. If I start now, I better not show up with something for me and nothing for you. So no, hey, I'm here, you want something. So no, I I. Hey, I'm here, you want something. Just like I went to get trace some food the other day, our young son. I went to get him he said he wanted some wings. Well, I know you like wings. So while we were there I called hey, babe, would you like something?
Speaker 1:you did.
Speaker 2:I was proud of you yeah, no, I'm good now I got this. I got this thing. How long?
Speaker 1:did it take you to get it?
Speaker 2:in recent years, hey it don't matter, thank god, you got it, it all came, it all came together, you know it was an adjustment, it was a huge adjustment and I had to leave the me first mentality and really thinking about okay, yeah, I do have responsibility to myself because I'm an adult. Yeah, but I also have responsibility to my wife, because that's my wife and I love her yeah and I noticed a big part of it is that you like to know that I'm thinking about you yeah yeah, and I didn't realize that it wasn't about.
Speaker 2:Well, you should take care of yourself. She's an adult. No, it wasn't about that. It was about you just wanting to know that I'm thinking about you, I'm considering you yeah and the decisions that I'm making, and at first I wasn't considering you. I didn't. I mean I did, but I was. It was faulty consideration, my, my thought process was flawed, but now it's like okay, I'm considering you and what I can do to assist you in that. In that.
Speaker 1:So do you think that's most men because most women are very are considerate, especially with their husbands I do.
Speaker 2:In my experience with us talking with couples and other men, I do think men tend to be a little selfish, some more selfish than others in their relationship. Uh, women, I don't think so much, because women are natural nurturers typically, so they're always considering other people, like children and their spouses Like it's. It's a something I believe God put in them to be that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Uh, and so they show that, that consideration to their spouses, uh, and they expect that in return.
Speaker 1:But they don't realize that we not built like that, because I used to be like what is wrong, there's something wrong.
Speaker 2:I mean even with, even when our children sometimes I have to like really be intentional about asking them hey, are you hungry?
Speaker 2:yeah because in my mind I feel like if you're hungry, you come tell me you're hungry. But I realize all kids aren't like that. Some kids wait for you to ask or they want to see what you're going to do, like they expect you to know they got to eat. Yeah, but for me, if I'm not eating one day, or maybe I'm busy or something, and I don't stop, I expect you know, trey, to be like hey, dad, can you give me some food?
Speaker 2:you know, or if we don't you know, or is there something in the house I can eat, or you want me to get you something like what is, what is? What do you want? I expect him to say something, but I notice he doesn't always say it. But as a father I have to say hey, son hey, after a certain time, yeah, you had breakfast this morning.
Speaker 2:It's a little bit late now. You hungry, you want something? And he may be like, yeah, I'm hungry, I'll be like why do you say something? Why didn't you tell me why? I gotta ask you, are you hungry? But but I remember, even growing up, I was the same way. My dad was the same way. Sometimes my dad would ask me are you hungry? I'd be like, yeah, he was like why didn't you tell me? Like well, I was just waiting on you to tell me when you was gonna feed us. So so we tend to do that, but we as men we kind of miss that consideration piece, whereas women, I can remember my mom at always you hungry, you want something to eat. You know you need anything. It was. It was a constant yeah, always checking everything. Okay, you know how you know. She could tell if I was, if something went wrong with at school or something. If I walked through the door she looked what's what's wrong, what's going on?
Speaker 1:I'm like what you mean, I'm fine no, yeah, you just look like something's wrong.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we can just tell we just look at you, we just know yeah and so with me and you come walking in, looking all alone with a face, we're like, hey, how was your day?
Speaker 1:I have no clue.
Speaker 2:Like I guess you all right. If there's something wrong, you'll tell me.
Speaker 1:So that's it adjusting or putting each other first?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, putting each other first and moving beyond the me, me first mentality, I I think is is huge.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah you, you had a real good run with it, so thank. God that everything's changed and you put us first. Now, right, we grow.
Speaker 2:we change we develop and that's where we have to give each other grace and time to learn yeah Right. And that's where that's where we got to be careful that we don't become frustrated with one another and we just kind of blow each other off or say this is not working. No, it's not working because the two have to become one. There has to be an adjustment period in the process of the marriage. You know we often talk about that. That's the hardest part. We're a lot of couples in those first. If I were to give a range, first two years, people I know for us, for me, a lot of things were the first five years of our marriage. It was a lot of adjusting, resistance to change and then embracing change. Later on that had to take place and really some things took the help of God. It wasn't just awareness I was talking about.
Speaker 2:God had to really help us make those adjustments. So that goes into how would you adjust into a shared life in marriage? How would you? How would you adjust into a shared life? I mean, that's that's. I think that's the whole key adjusting to a shared life.
Speaker 2:That's one aspect of it letting go of the me first mentality is a start, and then allowing God to walk you through how to be more considerate and caring and attentive to your spouse but when you're talking about a shared life, it's like when you get together and you're used to doing things on your own right oh, yeah, yeah so you're used to waking up one way and you just wake up and you get ready and you're going out the door, but your wife likes to open the shade, open the blinds and let the sunlight in, and maybe a little talkative and or maybe like to turn on the news.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying so, that part of like a shared life um needs adjusting also yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I would say so that's like a second point within that overarching point. So when the first one, we're talking about letting go of the me first mentality, then getting into, like you said, that that shared life, yeah, um, dealing with behaviors, attitudes, uh, typical your way of doing life that you have to adjust because it it affects your partner now so that's what you're referring to. Yeah, yeah, that's a big deal, because I can remember when we first got married, you had your way of doing mornings go ahead and tell, tell people how you like to do morning?
Speaker 1:I just I like to no, no, no.
Speaker 2:Don't start. Don't start stuttering now.
Speaker 1:Don't, don't say how you're, how you typically used to start your mornings what I used to get up and like good morning, it's a great morning. What? We gotta do today, we gotta do this and this, and you know, and I'm just like uh, so, and I'm just asking you questions, you ready to talk and?
Speaker 2:I'm ready to talk and whatever turning lights on turning up, yeah, opening the blinds and what else and what years ago.
Speaker 1:I would like turn the news on turn news.
Speaker 2:You want to see the weather and traffic? Uh-huh, okay, what else?
Speaker 2:and maybe turn some music on sometimes music, yep, you want to get your worship on and all that. Then what else? That's it. You was banging stuff. I mean water running in the bathroom, drawers opening clothes, I mean. But you, when you get you get ready, it's loud, it's like why you can't. When I get up and get ready in the morning and I see you still in the bed asleep, I try to do it quietly. I don't turn on all the lights. I know what my stuff is, because I, I want you.
Speaker 1:I don't want to disturb you well, I wasn't used to that, so I ain't exactly your morning you jump up.
Speaker 2:Hey, good morning you up. No, I'm not up, where you do what you gotta do today. I'm trying to sleep right now. I haven't thought, started thinking about the day yet well, I was just.
Speaker 1:I'm just a great day. I'm feeling good.
Speaker 2:I gotta do this today. I gotta do that. Oh, the boys gotta do this. I gotta take care of this. I don't care, text me, tell me about it later well, it was an adjustment it was.
Speaker 2:Let me check the weather. It's it's cold, dress warm. And then you know the weather run constantly. I'm like baby, they done ran the weather report five times. You ain't got it yet. Turn the tv off. Well, I'm watching with traffic to see if I need to hurry. I'm getting out of here. See, I'm not. Look everything clear. If something gonna happen, it's gonna happen. Just leave early, so if you do, you'll get there on time so by the time I left, you was what excited no, I was awake.
Speaker 2:I was like well, I'm gonna get up because I can't go back to sleep, because you would leave before I did yeah I was like oh my goodness, this is this, is that?
Speaker 1:was an adjustment, because you know I had to not do all of that well.
Speaker 2:well, I frustrated you because I wanted you to kind of tone it down. You frustrated me because I wanted you to kind of tone it down. You frustrated me because I wanted you to like hey, go sit in the corner somewhere. You know, move quietly, be a church mouse, you know, you ain't got to make all this noise to get ready.
Speaker 1:Hey, it's a beautiful day.
Speaker 2:It was.
Speaker 1:It was just it's a joy to just wake up. So you know I would just be excited. That was an adjustment. Yeah, now I think it's a joy to just wake up. That was I would just be excited.
Speaker 2:That was an adjustment. Yeah, that was an adjustment. Now I think we have a balance. You still want to get up and turn the lights on and open the blinds yeah and all that. I think, as we've gotten older as a couple I'm more. I'm not gonna say I'm a morning person, but I think I'm up more. So I think now I kind of I'm kind of up before you in the morning for the most part I think I you are not a morning person. No, I'm not a morning person, but I'm more.
Speaker 1:I lean that way more now than I did then.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, yeah, I can. I can deal with it a little bit better now with um. I deal with the blinds, I just don't turn the lights on. I can deal with the sunlight but just leave the lights off. Yeah, let me adjust to getting going, not just everything, because you turn every light in the house on. Babe, every the bedroom light on the bathroom light, on the closet light on every light is on. So I'm like I like light.
Speaker 2:But you don't need all that light, just to get ready like you got every light on okay, all right, get off me but it's an adjustment and there's so many others. That's just one example, but it's so many other adjustments of you know just how we did things yeah you know preparing meals, what we would eat, you know even going to the grocery store. That was a big.
Speaker 1:That was a huge adjustment what do you want?
Speaker 2:whatever you buy, I was like, oh my god.
Speaker 1:Like, come on, go to the grocery store with me. I'm thinking, you know, get married. We're gonna go to the grocery store together. We're gonna go shopping and you just like, whatever you buy is what we're gonna eat, right? Well, what do you like?
Speaker 2:you know, I was thinking about like my mom, like my mom went to the store together for a while.
Speaker 1:We, you know we got married quick.
Speaker 2:No, I'm saying, when she went to do that for us, she bought food for the house. We didn't go to the store with her. She just went and bought what she thought we would like and that was it.
Speaker 1:So you put that on us. Yes, I'm like baby.
Speaker 2:You go to the store whatever you buy is what we gonna eat, and if you buy something we don't eat, we gonna let you know we don't eat that yeah, I remember when I bought that peanut butter like, look this, don't ever buy this again.
Speaker 1:I was like that's why you need to go with me.
Speaker 2:Oh, well, but we had to learn.
Speaker 1:That's how you learn so that's why I wanted you to go, so I would learn and know what you liked and what you didn't like yeah, but hey, we had to do it your way you had to say it like that right hey, I did. I did it your way but hey, no, now you don't need an adjustment. No, I don't need y'all anymore.
Speaker 1:Go and you get it done and hey, you know what to buy because now it is whatever I buy is what y'all gonna eat, and I changed some stuff and y'all had to make the adjustments. There you go.
Speaker 2:So it worked out hey, and that's just a part of it all right. So what else? What else you got what? So we got to make a joke. We got to let go of the me first mindset or attitude understanding. There's adjustments in the shared life what?
Speaker 1:what else change the way you communicate?
Speaker 2:yes, we all typically have our way of dealing with things, but when you get married, sometimes shutting down?
Speaker 2:yeah, you're shutting down yeah, no more shutting down. Well, you got to. I think you have to navigate shutting down and you got to navigate those people who talk about everything. I think both of those create challenges, depending on who your spouse is. Yeah, so if you like to talk and I like to shut down, that's a problem. I remember early on in our marriage where, when challenges would come about and this is typical of most men we go internal and we try to process through our challenges but because I'm married.
Speaker 1:You feel what I'm processing, so my silence almost feels like rejection right of you, because I'm not letting you in and I would come to you and be like hey, we need to talk about this, this and this, because you know, I can feel that something's not not right and um, and you just was like I'm not ready to talk about it, and so you would kind of process internally. You know what? What was going on in the situation?
Speaker 2:but I wanted to express outwardly yeah, about what it is we need to talk about and address yeah, we had to find a balance, because not talking or talking too much at the wrong time can create problems in the communication, so you have to adjust but you should not go days or a day without talking about an issue.
Speaker 2:Well, you know the Bible talks about don't let the sun go down on your wrath. Now it may not be an anger issue, it just may be a disagreement or something. But even with that, you don't need to go night and day, night and day and not address those things, because it creates distance or space in the relationship. And wherever there's space, the enemy is going to try to slip in that space and divide and conquer.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:That's his goal with marriage. Divide and conquer Always keep you divided, separated, and if you're not careful the way you communicate, if you don't adjust in your marriage, you'll be opening the door for the enemy to come in and create problems. Yes, so some things we gotta talk about some things maybe we pause and break on, but we gotta know when to come back. It can't be no three-day pause yeah, seven-day pause.
Speaker 1:Today, I'm not talking, I wouldn't even say a one-day pause yeah, if you can if you can help it you need to go ahead and deal with it. You need to be able to go gather yourself and then come back and have a conversation.
Speaker 2:I agree with that 100%.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So you have to adjust in your communication.
Speaker 1:Definitely.
Speaker 2:Because a lot of people.
Speaker 1:Just you know, they've been single for so long that they don't have to. You know you don't have to go and have these conversations. And now you're married, and so now you got to navigate all of that and get to learn how to communicate.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, imagine when you're single, your disagreements are all external, and when you don't like it, you get sick of it. You, frustrated by you, don't deal with you. Just go to your own space, go home yeah, and it's just you, yep, and you don't have to talk. You can be mad in your own space, you can process in your own space, you can be frustrated in your own space, you can shut down in your own space and nobody cares but you but the person that made you mad is coming home with you.
Speaker 2:Once you get married, they coming home with you, and now you got all this that your mouth may be quiet, but your heart is directing all that to them and they feel it, and that's not good in a marriage, in a relationship, and so you have to be willing to adjust Because now my way of communicating, or lack thereof, is hurting my relationship, it's hurting my marriage, right, and so when you notice it's creating challenges, you, if you care about your relationship, you have to adjust yes, the way you communicate that's good, it works for single when you single, but it may not work when you're married.
Speaker 2:You got to recognize that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so the next thing would be keeping God first.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's an adjustment Making sure you keep God first in the marriage, because when things are good sometimes you can tend to think oh we good, no worried about God, god got this.
Speaker 1:God got.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't want to get too preachy, because we can talk about certain aspects of that.
Speaker 1:It's easy to forget that marriage needs God when things are good.
Speaker 2:Yes, things are good and God is not your go-to. When it's bad, right, he's your sustainer and maintainer, even when it's good, and so you have to be careful that you don't make God this person you run to to fix everything, but then you don't need him once you think everything is worked out. And that's an adjustment even for couples Like let's make sure we keep God at the center of this and not just hey, we call on him when we need help.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what you would say, like faith isn't a backup plan when things start to fall apart.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like go like you said, we go run to God like fix my marriage fix my marriage. But if he was the center all along, you know you wouldn't need, you wouldn't have to do that. The key spouse. They're everything. You see what I'm saying you can't make your spouse an idol, yeah, in your relationship.
Speaker 2:Some people idolize marriage. They idolize marriage and they idolize their spouse, the person they're marrying, and they put that person above god and so as long as that person is treating you right, making you feel good and things are well, your relationship with god slips. But as soon as that person doesn't fit the mode or image you want them to fit, now you want to go back to God and say God fixed them. And that's not how this works. Keep God in it. Both of you honor God from beginning to end.
Speaker 1:You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:And that helps to maintain a healthy marriage. So when things do go bad, okay, God, we know you're here with us and you will help us navigate through. We have we built our relationship on God, not just look to God for help right in times of trouble.
Speaker 2:That's good so, so that has to be a thing. If couples have not made God that centerpiece, that's an adjustment, and you need to make that a real adjustment that goes even beyond before you get married yeah, that's a question you get. Is God at the center of this person's life? Yeah, yeah, and my beyond. Before you get married yeah, that's a question you get. Is god at the center of this person's life?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, and my life before we get married you get into the next episode yeah, if god is not the center uh-uh man ain't no adjustments after marriage. Do we need to be married? That's the question, because if you don't depend on god, that's gonna be a rough road. You know that's gonna be a rough road dealing with um, yeah, dealing with that marriage piece that's right.
Speaker 1:So that's my thought.
Speaker 2:God first keep god first. Make him your everything and uh, everything will be okay, yeah, be, but you gotta make adjustments.
Speaker 2:Be willing to make those adjustments. So listen y'all. I hope that was helpful to you. One of the most important aspects of your relationship is being willing to make adjustments and letting god be god in your life. All right, thank y'all for joining us. Can't wait to see you at the next episode. Take care, hey, thank you for joining us, for doing it with the daniels. If you want to keep up with everything going on on our channel, don't forget to like comment, subscribe and share this podcast. Absolutely. We'll see you next time.