Magnetic Authenticity Podcast with Jolynne Rydz

24: From Baking to Burnout with Celebrity Chef Tosan Jemide

• Jolynne Rydz • Season 1 • Episode 24

Share episode

Comments, questions? Let's connect!

The shine of high achievement can hide a heavy cost. We sit down with Tosan Gregory Jemide, speaker, restorative leadership architect and creator of the Rewire Code to trace a journey from celebrity baking and relentless expectations to a mirror moment that changed everything. What begins as a story about cakes becomes a masterclass in human-centred leadership, authenticity at work and the quiet courage it takes to choose presence over performance.

We explore the ripple effect leaders create, how a room can feel the tension we won’t voice and the transformative power of simple honesty: “I’m carrying something today; I need your patience.” That small truth builds psychological safety, lifts execution and invites teams to meet leaders with real support.

If the masks feel heavy and the pace feels punishing, consider this your invitation to "slow down, mix well and lead better". Listen, share with a leader who needs it and if it resonates, subscribe and leave a review so more people can find their rhythm again.

Want to connect with Tosan?
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/tosan-jemide-ab9864a3 

Website: www.letsbakeit.com.au

💖Love the podcast?💖
You can pay it forward by:

  • Rating and Reviewing wherever you listen
  • Sharing it with others!


Ready to level up your impact?

➡️Book a complimentary mini-strategy session and I'll help unpack one of your current challenges

➡️Join our Masterclass Waitlist and get practical tools to level up your impact


Let's connect!

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jolynne-rydz/

https://www.instagram.com/jolynnerydz/

https://www.facebook.com/brillianceinspired


I am a Confidence and Impact Coach for leaders, Organisational Development Consultant and independent Leadership Circle Profile® Certified Practitioner. Information shared about this tool is courtesy of Leadership Circle®, all rights reserved. www.leadershipcircle.com

Jolynne Rydz:

Hi everyone, I'm Jolynne Rydz, host of the Magnetic Authenticity Podcast. And today we're speaking with Tosan Gregory Jemide, a speaker, restorative leadership architect, and author, best known as the creator of the Rewire Code, a reflective framework that helps leaders recover from burnout and lead with renewed rhythm. Drawing from his own journey of creative entrepreneurship and exhaustion, Tosan fuses storytelling, psychology, and the art of baking into transformative approach to leadership and well-being. His message is deeply human that strength isn't found in perfection, but in presence. Through keynotes, workshops, and the Rewired Journey program. Tosan empowers leaders to slow down, mix well, and lead better. Because leadership begins when you pause and find rhythm. So let's dive into today's episode. Welcome into the podcast, Tosan. I'm so excited to have you here today.

Speaker 5:

Thank you so much, Jolynne. It is my pleasure. I have been looking forward to this forever. Oh, good. Thanks.

Jolynne Rydz:

We're gonna have fun today.

Speaker 5:

I think so. I've got a I've got a sneaky feeling, Will Will.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah, yeah. I I always love these conversations because you you learn so much more about a human. And I think in those human connection moments, that's where we you just learn some of the most profound lessons in life.

Speaker 5:

Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm going to try and teach you or show you so much.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah.

Speaker 5:

That you know, I've been thinking to myself, what am I going to say today? How much do I want to say? That's the question I've been asking myself. But I think I want to say a lot.

Jolynne Rydz:

Let's let's just see where the conversation goes, right? And what's meant to be is meant to be. All right. So I I'm I'll share something with you that you might not know. So growing up, I was definitely someone who watched a lot of cooking shows, a lot of baking competitions. And so I'm I'm curious to know, there's something really magical when you you take food and you take creativity and you put challenge and you put it all together. So I I'd love to know a little bit about your journey towards becoming really what is a celebrity baker. You've done some really cool things in your career. So feel feel free to share some of them. But I'd love to hear like a little bit of your journey to where you are today.

Speaker 5:

I usually like to say bacon found me. I didn't find it.

Tosan Jemide:

Yeah.

Speaker 5:

I sort of I stumbled, I stumbled into it um when I was 17, 18. Now, my mom was a great baker. She used to do a lot of wedding cakes from home, nothing commercial, and just I used to help her a lot. I kind of was that um little handbag, the mommy's boy kind of boy. So all my siblings would run away, and she had a day job, and she'd come back tired and wanting help. You know, there's no mixers then. It was like everything was by hand, and you know, I had to help her. And I did it gladly. And then, unfortunately, she passed on when I was 14, and then three three years later, my eldest brother was getting married, and he says, Look, there's no way I'm paying for a wedding cake. Because so many wedding cakes have left these doors for free, and I can't imagine paying someone for a wedding cake. And then he said to me, Well, if there's anyone who's got that slight chance of baking a cake, it's going to be you to us. I'm like, hell, no way. I've never baked a cake in my life.

Speaker 3:

Like, so I'm just the mixer. I just used to mix and like lick the bowls, scrape it. I never baked a cake in my life. I didn't would have a clue.

Speaker 5:

They say, Well, I'm gonna take a chance in you. If it turns out right, fine. If it doesn't, I'm willing to take the chance, you know. And if you don't want to do it, that's fine too. I'm just not gonna have a wedding cake. So that got to me. I went back to the lab, got out all my mom's old stuff, and started just experimenting. And eventually I picked the cake. And for what it was, first time it was well applauded, it was well received. And that's how my journey started. I didn't think I'd make anything of it after that. It was for me, it was just a one-off. I'd pick my brother's cake and that's it, move on to other things. I was into clothing as well. So I started a clothing line straight after school, straight after, in fact, right from uni, I had a clothing line. You know, I just used to outsource the tailoring and, you know, create the designs, outsource tailoring and sell them. So straight after school, I started my clothing line and I was doing all of that. People just, family, friends just kept wanting me to bake cakes. Bake me birthday cake, bake me this. And then it started getting more into bake me a wedding cake, bake me a wedding cake. I'm like, I don't have the skills for this. You guys leave me alone. I'm just so nervous, I don't know anything about baking. So eventually, I actually started getting quite passionate about it. But I started feeling inadequate because I I didn't think I had the prerequisite skills. I hadn't trained, I hadn't done anything. Then I decided, okay, you know what? Go and get some training and see how it goes. So I went to the UK. Um a lot of courses to do, but I didn't want to do a course. I decided to work rather than do a course. So I started from ground up. I worked in like probably my stint in the UK. I've probably worked in maybe like five or six different bakeries, you know, hobnobbing, getting different skills, different ideas, and just being digging myself into the real how-to process of you know, making cakes from scratch and running a bakery. So that was an excellent experience. And you know, I I I would always advocate for apprenticeship rather than going to school because the value is not something I can I can touch. By the time I was done, I probably I worked my last bakery. I worked in, we worked, we we supplied cakes to like the high-end, high stretch stores, Harold's, Haver Nicole's, and you know, all those sort of stores. And Gloriet was my last stuff where at that point I'd already started getting a lot of cake orders, personal business, and you know, so I just I'm done. I started my own business again, and that's how I ended up. Then I ended up back in Nigeria, and at that time, Nigeria, the cake industry in Nigeria was still very small and undead developed, but you know, I brought a lot of zest and you know creativity to it, and everyone started to see a different side of cakes because there's this guy who's baking amazing cakes, he's creative, he does this with cake, he does this with sugar, and you know, and right now today the the cake industry in Nigeria is maybe on every street, there's like 20 Wow.

Jolynne Rydz:

So you're like the almost like the founder of cakes in or commercial cakes in Nigeria. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, yeah. Uh absolutely. And really, that's that's that's my story. That's how cakes found me. And then I obviously started to get tired of you know running that model of baking cakes became my life, and not just baking cakes, people, people would come to me because they expected every cake I did had to be different. So I I always had to extend my creativity, raise the bar. They're always high expectations. Tosan's doing your cake, oh wow. Tosna's doing your cake, oh wow. You know, who oh, that cake must have been done by Tosna. That must be it. So the expectations were really high, and I always had to keep pushing and raising the bar, and that was a very difficult thing for me to do. Um, there are times where I doubted my capability because I was tired or I was feeling burnt up, but I still had to just keep going because people expect magic from me. I'm like, so that was hard.

Jolynne Rydz:

And I love that you shared that because I think there's a lot of people that uh I'm great at what they do, and and as leaders, they're great, but there's this constant chase of getting better and better and better. At what point do you make that switch from I'm doing this from a place of creativity and passion versus it now feels like this, I don't know, this obligation, this kind of everyday grind almost?

Speaker 5:

Yeah, I think that that that sucks the joy out of it, because I realized after a while, the more I did it, the more the less joy I got out of it, because I sort of I was on this pedestal where I felt I was being judged. And for every cake that went out there, it went out with some level of prepetition, and I had palpitations because hope this one will be received well.

Speaker 3:

It was received well, thank God. Good, great, great.

Speaker 5:

Okay, what's the next one? So there was just that constant fear where my creativity was no longer express itself naturally and just be left as is. It was always judged. You know, so that was that was difficult.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah, definitely. Because I I mean, creative creativity is almost a form of identity and expression, isn't it? So to have to have to have someone say, Hey, that I don't know if that's a Tasan level cake. Like that's pretty tough, right?

Speaker 4:

Yeah. And I got I got a few knocks like that, you know.

Speaker 5:

And what do you do? You're you're not the judge, you're not the jury, you're just the creator. And the end user has told you, you know, uh, I don't like this cake. Sometimes I'd have to, if if I had the opportunity, I would pull it back if there's enough time, or I'd go into sets and try and tweak it and turn it into something else closer to what the expectation is. But it was it was really difficult managing all those things. And you know, in retrospect, when I think about how I managed, sometimes I don't, I'm not sure I can put in words how difficult those times were for me where I had to first of all not just manage making cakes, but you know, I'm managing so many emotions from brides who uh sometimes flip in and freaking out. I I don't know. There are times I'll just switch off. I'm like, you know what? I can't do this.

Jolynne Rydz:

And when in that journey did you feel like was the turning point of no, I actually can't do this anymore?

Speaker 5:

Because I enjoyed and I was very passionate, cakes, I dreamed cakes, I breathed, I breathed in cakes, I slept cakes, I woke up with cakes on my mind, I walked the streets with cakes in my mind. I'm looking at your backdrop and I'm looking at what design is there and how I can, you know, translate that into a cake. I'm walking the streets and art shops or everything. My brain picked cakes. So it was really difficult for me to separate myself from my craft. My my daily grind, even when I wasn't working, I was still, my brain was still on work mode. So I don't think I had a separate life. And I'm not sure I really was able to identify when I started to unravel. I just knew that there were times where I felt my creativity was dwindling and I wasn't as spontaneous as I usually would be when I'm churning out a cake and my brain's working like mad scientists, and you know, oh yeah, let's do this there. I started to slow down and I started realizing that I needed more time. So I would cut, take breaks, go out for a walk, chill, relax, come back. I was then I started feeling, you know, probably I'm I'm overextended or something's wrong here. I think that's when, but I can't tell you, Joelyn, that it was a particular time.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah, and I I imagine there's a lot of leaders out there that have reached, you know, the career high that they thought they were striving so long to get to. And then it almost sounds like it can become a trap when it's it's no longer fueled from that passion and that early entrepreneurship. And now it's like, well, where do I go from here? I I just can almost just sense my joy and energy slipping away. And and what do I do with that?

Speaker 5:

It is a trap. It is a trap. You know, I think sometimes when I started off, you know, the world is a very it's it's actually a funny, funny place, and the models that run achievement and being able to strive for excellence, it's a trap because you start off. Well, I started off simple. I just want to do my thing. You know, I I enjoy doing this, I can do it in a hole. I don't care who's looking at me. In fact, I don't want anyone to look at me. This is just something that I enjoy doing. All the time I made cakes, I never went to the venue to uh present the cake or stay and you know take the accolades that came with the cake because I made your cake, I'm not celebrating myself. So, but because there's so much that goes with you achieved this, so we're looking for your next next achievement. What are you going to do next? How are you going to outdo this one? So you're being judged constantly, consistently, and you're you're you're also raring to be judged because you take on the challenge as a leader, and you're saying, well, yeah, bring it on, I'll do myself. Next time I'll do better, and you just keep going and going and going. I don't think that you actually realize that, you know, that matrix for performance as set by the world, you actually start running with it very unconsciously, and then you get into that trap.

Jolynne Rydz:

And was there ever a time where you felt like I'm I'm wearing a mask, I don't know, I don't know who I am anymore.

Speaker 4:

Is that a trick question? Was there ever a time I wore a mask? In fact, I had different types of masks.

Speaker 5:

I was I was a king of masks.

Speaker 4:

Right.

Speaker 5:

And depending on where I was rocking up to, depending on who I was trying to, I don't want to use the word impress, but that's the only word that comes naturally, depending on who I was trying to impress. I would wear that specific mask for the audience. Now, you know, in my in my journey of leadership, I realized that I couldn't afford to be human, I couldn't afford to show up in my real face a lot of times, because a lot of times that real face or real self would have fallen short of the expectations that different people had of me. So I was the role model, I was the dependable one, I was the Mr. Fixit, I was the man who always had it together, you know. Come on. And I go in as that. So that's what that's that's the mindset people have of me, and I've sort of tried to align with it. Now, on the days where I'm not feeling like that, what do I do? I've just got to go in looking like that even when I don't feel it.

Jolynne Rydz:

And what did that cost you?

Speaker 5:

Yeah. A lot. You know, I started to see at the time I can't tell you that I felt it cost me anything. I just felt like I was performing to play the role that was required of me. And I honestly didn't see anything wrong in it. That's that's what leaders do, isn't it? They show off regardless of how you're feeling. You're required to show up. The people who depend on you, the people who look up to you, you just got to show up. So I didn't make anything of it. But I think over time I started to see two different people, and that's when I I started getting a little bit of a niggling that you know there's something going on here. You've got Tosan who is emotional, um more sensitive, a bit more spontaneous, and just sometimes laid back. But on the other side, you've got Tosan who is meticulous, who has to always show excellence every time who has. To choose perfection, because that's what people expect of him. And that place and that position of just always choosing perfection over progress and performance over presence. By the time I got to the end of the road, I felt like I'd lost my soul. I felt like I'd lost the essence of who I really was. And I don't know what else to say, how else to say this, but it cost me a lot. And you know, if you feel like you lost your soul, I'm that's that feels like you you lost your identity. You lost who you don't you don't even know who you are.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah, and I appreciate you sharing this because I I do know because I see them, so many leaders out there that are dancing around that point of well, yeah. I'm these two people. Who where am I in in those in these masks? So it takes a lot of courage to share that. So thank you.

Speaker 5:

You're welcome. I can talk talk about these things now. There was a time where I couldn't talk about it at all. Just because of the I felt there was a certain shame tag, and it would be coming across as failure. So zip it and just brace up and get on with life. But I I've been liberated now.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah. And so talk me through this journey to liberation. What you you were at that point where you felt like you lost your soul. How did you come through that?

Speaker 5:

How did I go through that? You know, a lot of times in life, some things happen and you see yourself on the other side. You're not really sure how you got there. It wasn't something that you you sort of curated and said, you know, this is my strategy for getting there. But by the time I'd gotten to the other side, I started to ask this question you're asking. I started to ask myself, you know, how did you get out of this? What did you do? Because I remember how much, how dark those times were for you. What what what brought you out? And I started realizing from the point where I had what I call my mirror moment, which was one evening after work, I had I had an encounter with myself, and that was a turning point for me. Looking at myself in the mirror that night really brought out a lot of pent-up emotions that I hadn't sort of expended over years. And that night I broke, I looked in the mirror, and I saw somebody I didn't recognize. I saw someone who was lost. There's I had a lot of built-in fear. I felt so lonely. I couldn't talk to anyone. I couldn't, I couldn't even talk to my wife, you know. Um, each time I I shuddered about each time I thought about talking to someone, you know, I shudder, I'm like, no, no, you can't. People, people look up to you, you know. How how's it gonna look? You know, you can't. So I just took it on. And that night, I broke down completely. I cried like I hadn't cried in a long time. I felt a strong sense of shame that night. Failure or shame, failure, shame. And it just came across to me as, you know, okay, now you've discovered that something's wrong, but you know, what else? I still couldn't talk to anyone about it. So I started to internalize a lot. But in my process of internalizing, I was asking a lot of questions and answering them. Okay, so that that what I call the the private collapse. I started asking questions, you know, where why what brought you here? How did you get here? You know, you you everyone admires you so much. They still do. Oh, I why do you feel so bad? Why do you feel so much shame? Why do you feel like a failure? Why are you so afraid? Why are you so unchosed? What are you? So I started answering, asking a lot of those questions. And one thing that I realized in that time was I had an awakening. So I didn't have any solutions, but there was a clear understanding that I was in the pits. And that recognition was one of the best things that happened to me because it helped me start to think about what position do I need to take. Now, this process wasn't overnight. I had my mirror moment. Maybe it took me one year to deal with, you know, the emotions that came with that, and repeat and repeat how bad I'm fitting, how I suck at everything, and how much of a fit. I just had to keep, but I knew what was going on. And then I'm not sure at what point, but I started finding way to sort of burn my creative energy aside from work. I started doing things like just doing a lot of swimming, spending one hour in water, doing laps. I would come back home, bake a cake, bake some cookies, um, experiment. I wasn't even trying to use any recipe. I would just basically put it in the oven. And it was those were like my happy times where for whatever reason, I I I'm not sure why I was doing it, but you know, I just knew that nobody was judging me. Nobody was caring if the cookies got burnt or if they tasted shitty. And it gave me a feeling and sense of security. Then I started spending more time doing stuff that would put me out of the radar of people's scrutiny. And I think in that space, still a prolonged time, I'm not sure how long, but I know that I started sort of reframing a lot of my initial thoughts about, you know, if I if I if my mind goes to the fact that, you know, I'm feeling shame, then I start challenging my mind, like, why you why are you feeling shame? What what have you done? Why are you so ashamed? And then I look around me, I see that I've I have a beautiful wife, I have kids that love me, I have a business that I've grown and grown successfully. I walk the streets, I see people every day.

Speaker 3:

I'm like, oh, you're tosan, oh, it's so good to meet you. I've I've saw you, I've I've saw your cake, I've seen this. Why are you why are you so ashamed? What are you, what are you ashamed about?

Speaker 5:

So I started sort of reframing a lot of my thoughts, and that was where I started to find my path to recovery, where I started thinking more positive and rather than thinking, you know, you know, when things happen, sometimes we just some people, some people, and I used to do that a lot, kind of dwell on, you know, why is this happening to me? Why me? You know, I started changing the narrative from why me to what can I do here? What's the opportunity? Why is this happening? Yes, I acknowledge it. What is the opportunity? What is it trying to teach me?

Jolynne Rydz:

And I love that because it kind of takes you from this victim mindset of, you know, why is this happening to me? Like I can't do anything about it, to this empowered state of, well, yeah, it's happened, but what what can I do? There's something I can do.

Speaker 5:

Yeah. And you know, the that that victim mentality can actually take you down the deep tunnel, you know, once you get in that, and I was there for a long time. You know, and until I started, you know, sort of taking charge of my thoughts and my emotions and trying to channel them in a way that would bring goodness out, there was no going forward. That's why I started to see slight changes. Now, Jolene, all this I'm saying, I'm just that there was no timeline to it. I know that I started my mirror moment was in 2021. I can't tell you, it took me three months to go through my reflective mode and jump into my reframing mode. It was all modeled up, but at different points, I would go back. It's like you overcome this for one week and then something happens, and then you go back for two weeks and like, oh is me. I'm not never gonna get out of this. And then so it was back and forth. But at the point where I started to reframe, I really, really made a deliberate effort to keep reframing. And anything that happened, I would reframe. And one of the things that I also did was I totally avoided negative people, and I had some toxic relationships that I just cut out of my life because that was the time where I just decided, you know what, I want to be totally positive, and anything that's toxic doesn't have space in my space. So that I did. And then I now got into in all this time, I think I sort of had retracted. I got into a shell, I wasn't socializing, I was running away from people, I didn't want to take phone calls. I just hid because of the sense of shame, because of the failure that I felt and all of that. But I slowly started to feel the need to reconnect. You know, by the time I'd gone through that phase of reframing and, you know, what can you do out of this whole thing that looks like compost? How can you make something good out of it? I started wanting to reconnect with people again. I started having conversations with some people to say, look, I've been through this, these are the challenges I've I've been having. I've been here, but you know, I'm feeling a lot better now, and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, all that helped me to pull myself totally out of, well, not totally, but you know, slight slightly higher than where I was before. And I started to feel a lot more comfortable talking about what I what I'd been through. And in talking and sharing, it now started occurring to me that you're not alone.

Speaker 3:

Because I would say some things to some people and they'd be like, I've been here, and I just didn't know how to deal with it.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah, no one talks about it, right? Like it doesn't come up at the Sunday barbecue.

Speaker 3:

No, it doesn't. It doesn't, it doesn't come up anywhere.

Speaker 5:

Because the thing is, if you're if you're if you're in a leadership role or you're in an aspiring leadership role, I wouldn't even say leadership, you know. I think everyone is a leader.

Jolynne Rydz:

100%.

Speaker 5:

In one way or the other. You know, even at home, you lead your mother, your a big sister, your uh an auntie, your something, and people look up to you. I know that a mother a a mother's natural instinct is to eat last. Kids eat first, look after the kids before myself. And those are all the traits that sort of suck self, and when you do prolonged periods of time without looking after yourself, you generally tend to burn out. Now I I had I had a bad, a broken marriage, divorced, got married again. So for me, I was dealing with work, I was dealing with personal problems. My personal problems don't come to work with me, well shouldn't come to work with me. But I can't ever tell you that they didn't show up at work. So that's that's one thing that I know that you know I struggled with a lot where I I go to work, I'm thinking my ex-wife sent a stinker or did this, or there's some drama with the kids, and okay, I've got to go to work, just forget about it and go to work. I'm in a meeting, but it's still it's still, you know, and I get signals about it through the entire period I'm at work, but I can't talk about it. So I mask no one no one should see me like that at work.

Jolynne Rydz:

And what impact do you think that's had on the people that you were leading? They I imagine some of them would have been quite intuitive and empathic and sensed something. What impact do you think that had, that masking?

Speaker 5:

Absolutely. I call it the ripple effect. So what what you don't say, people will see. Now, over time, I've I've come to understand that the most powerful communication tool is, and no matter how much makeup you've got on Jillian, no matter how much done up your hair is, your eyes will always give you away. Always. There's there's something so powerful about just looking in the eyes. You can see the joy, you can see the sadness, you can see the glint, you can see the dullness or the soul. It's always you can't hide it. Now, I am I am certain that I brought the wrong vibe to work. I didn't know, but when I look back, I recall a lot of times where the spirits at work sort of moved from one style to another, where people's responses became more docile and sort of quietened up rather than the usual Questros meetings would be bubbly and filled with laughter.

Speaker 3:

And then I started realizing that I was asking a lot of questions and nobody's responding. I'm like, what's happening? Why are you guys not saying anything? And I just get blank faces.

Speaker 5:

Like, uh, but that was it. That was it. So what I was carrying, even though I didn't say it, my people could interpret the tension that I brought to work.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah. And because it's unsaid, I imagine what tends to happen, because I see this with clients as well, is then then they make all these assumptions and stories about what that could mean. Like, oh, is it my performance? Like, what am I doing? Have I done something wrong? What's going on? And are they sick? Are they unwell? What's going on? Yeah. So the mind loves to make meaning when there's no meaning there. So I'm really curious. Yeah, having had that reflection, what do you think you've learned over all of this in terms of leadership and the impact that you can have on people?

Speaker 5:

I think that we need to be more in tune with our humanity. The model that the world has sort of taught leaders is that you're a leader and you're required to step up and be that beacon for everyone all the time. And that's that's okay if we're robots. But the last I remember is that blood actually flows through my veins, and there will be times where I won't feel good, and there will be times where I will be tired, there'll be times where I feel like giving up, there will be times. So my frivolous approach would be when those times come, brace up, chin up, shoulders square, head on, face it. But my new approach is when those times come, if I'm dealing with my people or I'm dealing with work-related matters, I would I'd be honest. I don't have to tell you the gory details. But if I had to go back, I probably would tell my team, look, I'm going through a hard time. You know, personal challenges, you know, things are happening. So I need you guys to be patient with me, hang in there. I'm still here with you. Sometimes I'm a bit grumpy or grouchy. It's not me. So I love you guys. Just give me. And I would be honest like that now.

Jolynne Rydz:

And you know, I feel like that's so powerful, and I appreciate you sharing that because when I've seen leaders do that, their team leans in, right? They come in and they support them, they empower them, their performance lifts, and they just handle stuff because they know the person that they've always looked up to just needs their support now. It's their turn to give back. Like it's such a beautiful gift that you can give someone that honesty of where you're at.

Speaker 5:

Yeah. Absolutely. So, I mean, that's that is what I would advocate for any leader to do at those points where you feel vulnerable or you feel like you're losing it. There's nothing wrong in just showing that you're human too. And it actually brings credibility to your leadership because you're telling the people that you lead that you're just like them. And you're not setting that bar that is unreachable, where you always have to be excellent, you always have to be tick-top, you always have to be on point, and always have to be in control of everything. It is okay to lose control sometimes. And at those times, own it. We're a team. So let's rally together. Support me. And the same thing when you're losing control, I'm here for you. So I I that was a big learning for me.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah. I mean, it builds so much trust, so much respect, so much safety to be human and whole. It's such a beautiful thing. And so with all of these learnings, like where where are you taking things now?

Speaker 5:

I'm sleeping every day, I'm not doing anything. Oh, all right. So I feel that I've gone through quite a bit in life that has equipped me to help other people. Now, this space, especially men, we can be very mute when it comes to what's going on inside. We don't like to talk, we don't like to share. Women are easy to talk, and they talk to each other, and you know, they get into a room and all chattering, and they know everybody's history before they leave that room. Yeah, but men are a lot more closed, it's difficult for them to share personal challenges. So I'm just trying to create a platform. I have created it, but I'm I'm creating more sensitization and just making people more aware of the fact that we're human, we've got blood running in our veins, we feel pain. The times that we're tired, the times where we feel like giving up, the times where we feel we've lost the game. We need to be able to speak. Even if we're not coming out openly to say, this is what I'm going through. We need to be able to acknowledge it because there's a difference between acknowledgement and just throwing under the carpet and say, you know what, I can do, I can't deal with this right now. Just shush, you know, leave it. Whenever I've got time, I'll deal with it. And that's what we do a lot of times. So if I'm acknowledging it, then it helps me understand exactly what is happening and where I am. So I recogni I recognize that this is happening. It's a different thing from saying, I don't want to think about it. So recognition starts with it starts with recognition where you're able to just acknowledge, recognize, and be aware of what is happening. And if you're aware of what is happening, then you're better able to manage yourself. Now, even if you're not talking to anyone, you can you can slowly manage yourself. And I'm at that place where I'm advocating for organizations to, yeah, we talk about psychological safety, we talk about wellness and everything. But I'm not really sure that we talk about it deep enough. And I'm not really sure that enough is being done about it. I'm at that place where I'm advocating for people to be able to show up as they are. You know, a lot of times I just think, even with getting a job and job applications, if I was going to get a job today, darling, I'm going to dust up my resuming. I mean, I will pimp it up so good. It will be the best of the best of the best of the best. And anything that is sounding slightly not good, I'm going to pull out.

Speaker 3:

But that's all a lie.

Jolynne Rydz:

It's only half of you, right? When they do that.

Speaker 3:

Yes. So uh why can't I come up to work and say this is who I am? I've learned from XYZ. I went through this, this happened to me. You know, I had challenges here and there and there. But you know what?

Speaker 5:

I'm better off for it, and I'm the man for the job because I have lived experience of this, this, and that. And for me, that's that's what it should be. But we never come up showing the bad parts. It's always the good parts we put on our resume. I think it takes away from the essence of who we are, and it takes away from our humanity. So that narrative of trying to look good all the time is something that I'm hoping that over time we can begin to realize that come on, we're human.

Jolynne Rydz:

Oh, we'll we're gonna make a shift. Don't worry, I'm on the same path. It's gonna it's happening, it's happening in some places. I hope it does. Yeah, well, let's make it happen. That ripple impact, like you said, because it's you know, I don't know. I think there's because it's so normalized to not do that. I'm I believe there's a lot of leaders and organizations out there that don't understand or see the true impact, positive impact it can have when you allow people to show up as their wholesales. Like it does increase productivity, increases connection, increases engagement, increases psychological safety, increases well-being, reduces stress. It's all the things that we try and throw these big initiatives at and lots of money at.

Tosan Jemide:

Yeah, yeah.

Jolynne Rydz:

And yet, if you just allow people to be themselves, a lot of this will naturally resolve itself.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker 5:

Yeah. You know, once I once I'm comfortable in my skin, then I perform at peak.

unknown:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

If I'm not, then my performance is actually going to be half or less than half.

Speaker 5:

It will dwindle, you know. So I hope that it will be seen from this perspective over time, and you know, people can wear less masks and be more authentic, and real talent and skills can come out, and teams can actually be like safety nets for people.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Jolynne Rydz:

You're giving me tinkles.

Speaker:

I love it so much.

Jolynne Rydz:

Now, before I land into our Swift 7 questions, is there anything else you want to share with the audience today?

Speaker 5:

Well, I think that one of the things that I wanted to talk about was my rewire framework.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah.

Speaker 5:

Which I spoke about earlier on, but maybe just go a bit deeper into it and just reminding people, first of all, you know, I'd say that as leaders, uh, we try to be perfect all the time. Because that's what is expected of us to be leaders. We have to be perfect. Well, if we're all models, we have to be the ones raising the bar, just showing people the way. Or even at that, are you are you me?

Jolynne Rydz:

No, not myself.

Speaker 5:

No, okay. So I am a Christian. I I just want to use something from like in the Bible, Moses was asked by God to do something, you know, and he was asked to go and talk. But Moses had a stutter. He was asked to go and talk to Pharaoh, the king, to let the Israelites go. But he had he had a starter and he felt so incompetent. And I'm just using this as an analogy to show that even as leaders, we don't have to be perfect. We come with our humanity just as we are. What gives us the right to be leaders is the fact that we're failed. So we can stir people in the direction of success because we understand what failure is about and they can see that we have failed. So that way, when we say it's go right, they they tend to listen better because he's been left before. I don't want to go there. And I think that in that space, you know, we're more effective, we need to be more present, we need to learn how to pause this thing about, yeah, let's do things quickly, let's do things speedily, we've got targets, we've got a lot of KPIs and performance-driven, you know, organizations. Yeah, it's all good, but let's learn to pause more. And in that pause, we're going to be more reflective. And it helps us to be more productive at the end of the day, where we can go through uh our days doing a lot of reflection and stopping and slowing down to actually see where we are, where we're coming from and where we need to go to. If you don't pause all that can't happen. It's not about strategy, you know. So I want to sort of get people to embrace more, you know, the reflective approach to work rather than the speedy approach. Think it's one of the things that I'm driving as a human being and practicing it every day, and I see that it works. Where sometimes I just think that my pauses are too much, but I look back and I feel like I'm not I'm not ruffled. Very little ruffles me because I stop. And I don't care what's happening. I just stop. And if if leaders can do that, just pause, stop in the chaos. You know, the roofs, the roof's coming off, yes, stop. How are we gonna fix it? You need to you need to stop to think deeply and creatively. If you join the bandwagon and join the chaos, then how do you show true leadership? And how do you actually bring out what nobody else has thought about in order to direct and you know choreograph you know success. So that's what I advocate.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah. And it's so true. You can't like in your when you're in the storm, you can't see what's going on, but when you you step back and you can see the whole system, it's so much easier to diagnose what needs to be done and a way forward. And it totally resonates with me that the way a leader earns that respect to to have people follow and come with them is through those challenges. It's literally designed in all of our stories, all of our movies, right? Have the hero moment where they crash and they come through it. Even in child's children's stories, like there's so so much, it's so encoded into our human nature.

Speaker 3:

Absolutely.

Jolynne Rydz:

So let's embrace it. Amazing. So I am so excited to hop into this with seven, and then we'll talk about how people can connect and learn more about the rewire code. So, in your view, this is question one, what are three words to describe an ideal leader?

Speaker 5:

An ideal leader, human. An ideal leader must be human. Ideal leader should be should be able to come down to everyone's level, not up there, be on the floor and let people feel comfortable. And an ideal leader should have empathy. Empathy, for me, empathy is key, is a key element of leadership. I think those are the three that I'd say humanity. Well, humanity and empathy, there are a lot of overlaps, but humanity, empathy, and then also being able to stoop at the times where it's required to. Yeah.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah, and be relatable. Totally. Yeah. Question two. Fill in the blank.

Speaker 3:

Magnetic authenticity is magnetic authenticity is fill in the blank.

Speaker 5:

Would I say now that question is it about me to someone else or just a general question?

Jolynne Rydz:

General question. Whatever comes to mind.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, I wouldn't overanalyze it. I'd say kindness.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Kindness is so attractive, right? It just draws people in. Yeah. Yes.

Speaker 5:

Kindness.

Jolynne Rydz:

I couldn't agree more. Question three for you. When you notice yourself trying to fit in, what's the first thing you do?

Speaker 5:

Pull back. Now I pull back. Before I would try to fit in. Now if I if I'm not fitting in and I'm trying to fit in, that means no, I'm not, I'm not meant to be there. So I just pull back.

Jolynne Rydz:

What a what an energy saver, right? If you just pull back for me, and that's okay. I love it. All right. Question four. What song gets you really pumped?

Speaker 3:

Let's prove tonight. Yeah, the science of life.

Jolynne Rydz:

Is that CDB?

Speaker 5:

No, it's I think it's Earth, Wind, and Fire.

Jolynne Rydz:

Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yep. Yep. Cool. And all right, question five. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?

Speaker 5:

Most daring thing I've ever done in my entire life. Okay. I think it would be in my teens or in uni days, where we had some really crazy times. And this was all around drinking. And I had a challenge to finish a bottle of.

Speaker:

I could see where this is going. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 5:

And I finished it and I stood.

Speaker:

Oh wow.

Speaker 5:

Yeah.

Speaker:

That's pretty daring. Did your mom know about that story?

Speaker 4:

No. I would have done this match.

Jolynne Rydz:

You know, masks off now. All masks off. All right. So question six is Do you have a favorite quote or mantra that you live by?

Speaker 5:

Actually, I do. And it's simply love one another. Love one another. Um, and just what I don't want to be done to me, I don't want to do to you, and just love one another. I think I try to live by that as much as possible. Sometimes it's difficult when you meet complete assholes.

Speaker:

I do love you. I think I love you. Yeah.

Speaker 5:

You know, but you know, I think I am I am slowly. I mean, the other day I was in my car. I was trying to park, and I I I think I was blocking someone, and but I was trying to manoeuvre and it was a tight space, you know, and I get this guy who comes and knocks on my window and like and he's spitting fire.

Speaker 3:

What's happening here?

Speaker 5:

And all sorts of swear words and slur. And you know what? The old me would have joined in the spitting fire. But I just looked at him and I said, How are you today?

Speaker 3:

And he just can ask me that question.

Jolynne Rydz:

I would have made him pause.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 5:

And you know, he just kept on, and I just I just looked forward. I looked, I faced forward and I didn't say anything to him. And when he was tired, he just left. Now for me, that was a show of love. You know, because I'm just not gonna get in, I'm not gonna get into this with you. So I'm trying, I'm still learning, but I guess if if we all show each other love, the world would definitely be a better place.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah, so much better in so many ways. I love that. And how just holding space for that for people, you know. We all have our moments. Yeah. Yep, and holding that space for people. That's beautiful. And I don't know what it is about cars. Like, I feel like this once people are in a car, all beds are off and we're suddenly angry, like so angry. It's all about yeah, it's all about me.

Speaker 3:

I I get that sense, and sometimes just in one split second, people are just hooting and come on, patient. It's just one second.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah. Yeah. I think it's a symptom of maybe how much we don't realize we're on this hustle train, like constant race forward.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Jolynne Rydz:

And it just boils over. All right. So our final question, question seven, is what's one small thing that brings you incredible joy?

Speaker 5:

One small thing that brings me incredible joy is baking. Cooking. I I love to bake, I love to cook. There are many small things. I love to snuggle with my family and just yeah. I'm a home.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah, yeah. And life is so beautiful when you can fill it with those small things, right? That really matter. It's not always that big goal. And now you've had some big goals that you haven't mentioned here today, but I'll leave people with that so they go and look it up. And I would love to share with the audience where can they find you if they want to know more about the Rewire Corridor and what you do.

Speaker 5:

So they can go to my website, which is www.letsbakeit.com.au, and it it's that sort of has all my programs there. We've got different programs for different teams, and our signature program is called Bake and Breathe, which is basically a hands-on bacon. It could be a half a day or full day, and it's specifically for teams who are looking to just slow down bond through the process of baking. And I structured it in such a way that it's not a difficult challenge. People who feel, oh, I can't bake, you know, I'm I'm anxious, I come in, you know, what do I it's easy ass. But you know, in that whole process, you're entrenched into reflectives all through. You're asking yourself a lot of questions. That program actually starts with a mirror moment.

Speaker 4:

Cool.

Speaker 5:

So they're baking, they're baking toolkits, which is a nice purple box that has affirmation cards, it has your reflective sheets, it has your pre-mix for your recipe, baking your cakes or whatever, it has your apron, and when you open that box, you open it up into a mirror. Yeah. And so I just kind of give everyone five minutes of quiet reflection. Look at your face. Yes, you're beautiful, you've got the makeup on, you look amazing. But what else is there that you haven't owned? What's in the heart? What's deep in there? What are you carrying? What did you bring with you? What have you been holding? What are you afraid to talk about or to think about? And it's a self-reflection, which we don't get to share during the class, but it sort of begins to open people up to what's gonna happen later in the workshop. So that workshop is really reflective. It encourages teamwork, team spirit, and a lot of team support because through the program we're talking a lot about what people carry. So I come to work, but I'm burdened with kids at home and grouchy, and everyone looks at me as you know, she's ugly, grouchy, you know, but nobody really knows what I'm I'm coming with. So it's that whole supporting your team, supporting your team member, trying to find out where they are or understand where they are, or just just hold space for them without judging. So that program is is like I've done a few of that program and it's been amazing. Feedback has been really great. There are a few other programs, but go to the website and you know you just see what what's available there.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yeah, I can imagine. I'm like I'm sitting here listening to you, I'm nerding out because as a facilitator, I'm like, oh wow, that is such a cool activity. It's like a literal reflection. And then it's built on all this meaning that you've just shared with us.

Speaker 4:

So it tingles again.

Jolynne Rydz:

So thank you so much, Tosan, for joining us on the podcast today and for just sharing from your heart and soul about your journey, your challenges, and it's so important and aligned with what you've said about advocating for people to bring their wholes and enable those spaces for people to bring their whole selves to work because it's so incredibly powerful. I can't wait. I want to go to this workshop. Yeah, come on, read it on. So I'll be there. Let me know when the next one is. And thank you so much for everything you've shared today.

Speaker 5:

Thank you so much Jolynne. It's been an absolute pleasure. I've had a really nice time talking to you. Um, it's been, yeah, it's been some time we've spent now, and it feels like we've just spoken for like 20 minutes.

Jolynne Rydz:

I know, I know. So thanks to everyone. If you've made it this far, congrats. All right.

Tosan Jemide:

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Jolynne Rydz:

Goodbye. How good was that? I don't know about you, but I'm in the mood for baking some cookies right now. So, what I loved about that conversation with Tosan was that there was some real raw honesty about what he thought leadership was, and then those deep moments of realization of what it could be and how it could be different, and how important it is to recognize when you've got those masks on and decide to take them off when it feels right for you. And also that that journey can take a long time. One of the other things I loved about the conversation was that point of at one point he noticed he was chasing perfection over progress. And how special is it when we can switch that and look to progress over perfection. And I think the final thing that I really appreciated about Tosan's conversation was just that deeply passionate message around the need for leaders to pause and refine their rhythm. So thank you so much for listening. Always remember you were born for a reason and it's time to thrive.