Unlearn, Rebrand, and Thrive: Steps to Self-Worth

Conversations at Sunrise - Episode 2: Rediscovering Your Self-Worth: Beyond Confidence

Welcome back to Conversations at Sunrise. In our second episode, we dive into the often misunderstood difference between self-confidence and self-worth. From the serene setting of my outdoor office, we'll explore personal stories and insights that highlight why self-worth is more crucial than you might think.

In this episode, I share a heartfelt conversation with a colleague who struggled to find her footing after taking over my responsibilities post-retirement. This led us to discuss the foundations of self-worth and how it differs from self-confidence, which is often built through external achievements and validations.

You'll hear about my own journey from growing up in a challenging environment to finding self-worth through unexpected mentors. We'll talk about how society's definitions of success can trap us and the importance of rebranding failure and rejection as opportunities for growth.

Inspired by Jamie Kern Lima's book Worthy, I'll introduce practical exercises and insights that can transform your self-worth journey. Join me as we unlearn the myths, rebrand our failures, and thrive on a newfound sense of self-worth.

Remember, your self-worth isn't tied to your achievements or external validations—it's your birthright. Let's start this conversation together.

Listen now and remember: you are enough just the way you are.

Transcript

Lori Lee: 0:12

Hi, welcome back. Episode two of Conversations at Sunrise. Before we get started, I just wanted to say, what do you think of my outdoor office? Pretty cool, huh? I love coming out here. I always tell the kids or my friends, you're having a rough day, you got to get yourself outside. There's something about being outside in nature that just gives you Just gives you a renewed energy, if you would. So I thought I would take us out here today, um, to have this conversation. And so just recently, a friend of mine, actually a colleague of mine, um, a couple of weeks ago had reached out and had some questions for me when I had retired from my company, she had taken over a piece of my responsibility. So she was, she had some questions about that. And she just said, you know, Lori, I don't know how you did it. I, you know, your confidence always was, um, she just said that I always, you know, exhumed a lot of confidence when I gave the reports and I presented to the executive team and she was struggling a little bit with that. So it just got me thinking that, you know, the, I don't know, I guess there's a difference between self confidence and self worth, and, and maybe you know that. I certainly didn't know there was a difference, um, you know, I'd say maybe over the last ten years or so. I always thought they were the same, right? I always thought they were interchangeable, but I've since learned that self confidence is something that is inside of you. Um, that builds over time, um, due to external factors, right? You know, your abilities, repetition, um, sometimes it's just stepping out even when you don't have the confidence and it's just building up upon that. Self worth is something that you're basically born with, um, you don't need to earn it. Everybody has, uh, self worth. Everybody's worthy, regardless of where you came from, regardless of what you've done. You are worthy and I think, I think that's, that's important and that's what I had told this friend of mine that, you know, you, you belong at that table and don't let anybody tell you any differently. So I thought it would be a good conversation to have today. to see if anybody else struggles with, with self worth. And I'll be honest, I made a whole bunch of notes and I just want to make sure that I don't miss out on anything. So bear with me if I do have to refer to them, um, from time to time. So I, I talked about, you know, the difference between self confidence and self worth. Um, so let me give you, and I think in every episode, Um, you know, I'll talk a little bit about myself, just so you get to know me a little bit more, um, and I'll be honest, what I'm about to talk about, you know, all growing up I was very, very embarrassed of, um, I struggled with, and that's the fact that I grew up in a very poor family, um, and not just poor, but I grew up around alcoholism, um, abuse. And not just with my immediate family, my parents, but also with my extended family. And it's, it's actually generational. It's something that's gone back, at least to my knowledge, to my great grandparents on both sides. And I, you know, coming out of that environment, I never felt, I never felt worthy. I felt worthy of anything, um, and I certainly didn't have any confidence, learned or otherwise. But I was fortunate I had three women in my life. And I'm not sure they really realized what a role they played in my life, but they were the moms of three of my childhood friends. And these childhood friends are still my friends today. And we have bonds that I don't think will ever be broken. They stand the test of time. Whether months go by or, you know, just weeks, we always pick up where we left off. But it was their mothers that, that always welcomed me, that accepted me for who I was, um, not. Who my parents were, where I came from, what I had, or what I didn't have. So even though I lacked role models, if you would, it was these three women that helped me realize what I wanted in life. Um, not only with the way they, they treated me, but I witnessed how they treated their daughters. And I realized that's something I wanted and that was something I was going to strive for. Um, I also believed that. You needed to have money to feel worthy. So, you know, I went, um, got the degree, got the corporate job, you know, had the nice car, had a nice home in a really nice suburban town, uh, nice, nice family, husband, children, and all the children, um, you know. You know, we're great. All my children truly are great. You know, they played sports, they did very well in sports, they did very well in school. Just when you, if you stepped out of my life and you looked at my life, you would be like, wow, she's really successful. Wow, she's, she's really something. She's, you know, especially where I came from, where I am today. But when I stepped out of my life, I looked and I'm like, I felt like it was lacking something. I didn't feel fulfilled. Um, so I thought, well, I guess I just needed to try harder. And that's what I did. So, not only did, you know, I continue, excuse me, with my corporate job, and raising my family, I also started a e commerce business that I did for over 13 years. Extremely successful. Um, you know, I did over 300, 000 a year in revenue, and that was alongside, again, my corporate job and raising a family and being a wife. And yet again, just, you know, maybe five, six years ago, I'm like, what is missing? What am I missing? I feel like, is this all there is? That you just strive, strive, and strive, you check all these boxes. And something inside here didn't feel enough. And that's when I started researching and understanding self worth. And it's through self worth that you actually feel you're enough. And it's not the self confidence. It's not the box you check. So I wish I didn't. I wish it didn't take me, you know, decades to figure this out. Um, and that's why I thought it might be a good conversation to have today. And you, you may be way ahead of me. Um, you may already feel the worthiness inside. And, you know, God bless you if you do. But for my friends that don't, um, I challenge let's talk about that. And let's figure out what we need to do to get you on the journey of feeling worthy. So Jamie Karnlema puts it best in her book. We don't become what we want. We become what we feel we're worthy of. Our self worth is our ceiling. Um, excuse me. And I think, you know, as I had stated most of my adult life, I didn't feel worthy. And one of the things that I have since learned is when I extend a helping hand to help somebody else. Um, that gives me a renewed sense of my worth. It was, it was in turning to serve others, um, that I started to feel that genuine sense of self worth. So how do you know if you're struggling with low self confidence or low self worth? I guess, um, one of the things in her book, which is right here. Worthy, Jamie Kern Lima. An amazing book. I wish it was out 10 years ago. Trust me. Um, but it's been, it's been not only something that reinforces a lot of what I've learned, it's given me some new insights, some new, some new suggestions on how to continue, um, down my worthy journey. So I highly suggest you get the book if you can. Um, And I get a lot of audio books because when I go out running, if I'm not listening to a podcast, I like to put in, put in my audio book. So how do you know if you're struggling with self worth? I guess if you ever think to yourself as I did, you know, who am I to be doing this? If you feel like an imposter at times, if you feel uncomfortable in certain situations, if you've ever asked yourself, is this all there is? Then you may be struggling with low self worth. And one of the, the core things is if you feel stuck, right? Like I can't, I, you know. Um, I need to go back to school or I need additional training or, you know, if only, if only, I, I could get this house or only if, you know, if you just feel stuck in some way, right? Then that's probably a sign that you're struggling with low self worth. The other way is when you set your goals down. But as you're achieving your goals, as you're working towards those, you actually self sabotage. I, I was, I was good at self sabotaging, um, especially if I got too close. I was always afraid of getting too close to something. Um, and maybe part of me also believed, well, if I accomplish this, then what? You know, what's behind that? Or again, that imposter. If I accomplish this, if I get that promotion, I would just, I would feel stuck on that. And again, something I read in the book, and it's great, it says, We cannot out succeed our level of self worth. And isn't that true? You know, it doesn't matter what you do, if, if, if you, if you in here don't feel you're worthy of it, You'll never, you'll never attain it, or you will struggle with those feelings as I did when I did achieve the goals. You know, who am I? Who am I to do this? I mean, those, I belonged at that conference room table just as much as the next person. So, and then, and then one other way is, so you check all the boxes, you, you accomplish all the goals. Whatever it is, right? I mean, the house, the car, you know, your, your kids are grown, you successfully raise children that are huge value to society. And, and I think you ask yourself again, which is what I did. Is this all there is? Is this, is this it now? I mean, I, what else is there? That's a sign that yes. Yeah, you could be struggling with, with low self worth. So there are ways to overcome it. And again, I suggest you get Jamie Kern Lehman's book because she talks about some great ways in there to overcome some of these obstacles. And I think one of the first things we need to do is unlearn, unlearn everything we've learned to this point, right? Unlearn the lies that we've been telling ourselves. Unlearn everything. You know, what society has told us we need to do. We need to, you know, to succeed. You need to go to college. You need to have the degrees. That's not necessarily true. You know, I, I look at what's going on in the world today and people walking away with, walking away with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and not able to get jobs. It just, I think we need to unlearn some of the lies. And then I've been saying this for a while. I think The really important factor is we need to rebrand what we think failure is. In fact, I just told, I was talking to my daughter the other day about this. We really just need to rebrand. Everybody is so afraid of failing, um, including myself. I am, I am not, uh, immune from, from that failure bug. But if we don't fail, if we don't fail, what are we learning? I don't know if anybody can ever tell me somebody who just. who succeeded their first time out without failing. You know, as a baby, you certainly don't learn to walk without falling down over and over. So I think we we need to rebrand it. And I have recently heard, um, from one of my coaches that, you know, the saying is, you win some, you lose some, maybe not. Maybe you win some and you learn some. And maybe that's the way we need to look at look at failure. And then the other thing is rejection. People are so afraid of taking a chance because they're going to get rejected. And again, I raised my hand here. It took me a long time to start this podcast because who am I, who am I to start this podcast? Um, it's that imposter syndrome again, right? But I think, you know, I think one of the things that helped me overcome that fear of rejection is who am I not to do this, right? If I have any insight or any guidance that can help somebody else, and again, I feel best when I am helping somebody else through their journey. Those are not just words, that, that is genuinely, and okay, little side note here, truth be told, I got a speeding ticket once, and it crushed me that I got this speeding ticket. I never got a speeding ticket, and probably six months prior to the speeding ticket I had gotten a ticket, because I was driving. out of Maine into New Hampshire and there are two different laws in Maine. You can, you can be talking on your cell phone in New Hampshire. They have a hands free law and literally coming over that bridge into New Hampshire. I got tagged. I, and so he pulled me over and I got a ticket for talking on the phone. Um, so six months later when I was stopped for speeding ticket that I wasn't even really speeding. Okay. Truth be told, I was, it was a 70 Mile per hour zone and I was going 80, maybe a little bit, but not enough to have pulled me over, in my opinion. Anyways, I got a ticket and I felt horrible, horrible on so many reasons, right? The financial piece of it, just the, the internal piece of it just felt horrible. So what did I do when I got to the tolls, which was probably, yeah, maybe 10 miles later. I paid for all the people behind me. I needed to do something for somebody else to make me feel better. And that was the quickest. It's the quickest thing I could think of to make me feel better. So it's genuine when I say I feel best when I am reaching and helping somebody else. Um, and then the last thing, and I think this may have been in the book, I don't know if I heard it on a podcast somewhere. And that's the other thing, if you haven't heard Jamie Kern Lima on a podcast talking about her book, uh, try and find one. She, you know, did the whole, um, podcast. Podcast whore when the book came out, so she's everywhere, but she talked about, you know, maybe we need to rebrand rejection as if it's God's protection. Maybe, you know, he was protecting you from going down a certain avenue that just was not part of your destiny, right? And who are you gonna believe? You gonna believe the stories and lies you've been telling yourself? The ego who's, who's always very eager to edge God out of your life, or? Are you going to believe in God's promise to us and the divine's promise to us that, um, you know, he's there, he's there to help us and protect us. So I think we need to, to rebrand, rebrand failure. And I think the other thing is we need to trust a little bit. I know I talked a little bit about the conversation that I have at the beginning of every day with the divine. And I do believe that, you know, I ask every day, what can I do today? You know, make me a vehicle of where I can help somebody. And I have to trust that he will put me on the right path. So again, if I am rejected, if I fail, maybe there's something else that I'm supposed to be pursuing. I just hope I don't fail at this podcast. So, um, I guess closing thoughts, uh, Your self worth definitely deserves a seat at the table and again, I highly recommend getting Jamie Kern Lima's book, Worthy, and working through the exercises. She has some amazing exercises in there and it really is a game changer. You need to remember that your self worth is not tied to your achievements or your external validations. It's something that's within you. It's your birthright. Um, and don't let, don't let the voice of your ego You know, I, I know your ego, your brain is there to protect you. It is there, you know, to do everything it can so that you, you don't go through the agony of failing or whatnot, but damn it, let yourself fail. Okay? Just let yourself fail because you know what? You'll get up and you'll do better the next time. You'll come back stronger. And as you get to know me through our conversations, dang, you'll realize I failed a lot and I But I could not be happier than I am today with who I am today. But it's with each failure that I came back with a renewed, renewed strength, renewed purpose. So believe in that. I think that's it. Again, thank you for joining me. I love our time together and until our next conversation at Sunrise, remember you are enough just the way you are. You are and you are the hero of your own story. Don't ever forget that. I love you. And until we talk again.