The Glow Code: Style Your Life
As a Life and Fashion Coach, I've learned that the thing we're all searching for is life is freedom. Freedom to be our true selves, and to love it.
Prone to conformity, suppression, and just trying to be the "good girl," I quieted my voice and outsourced my wholeness, hoping someone or something else would make me happy.
It was only when I allowed ALL the parts of me to surface—the messy, different, and wild parts—that I felt whole in my body. I was done searching externally for self-love and peace, knowing that I had all the power and love I ever needed right inside of me. I just had to be willing to find it, and most importantly, express it.
Style is an external expression of your inner radiance and truth. So before we go out, come inward with me!
The Glow Code: Style Your Life
From Self-Doubt To Self-Expression: How To Release Fear & Show Up
You're not the only one who sometimes feels stuck when it comes to self-expression and self-love. In this episode we dive into:
-practical strategies to shed those limiting beliefs and embrace your authentic self. -turning your unique identity into a gift for yourself and others
-discovering the power of rewriting self-imposed limitations and moving towards mindfulness, intention, and truth.
-the often paralyzing fear of judgment and the yearning for approval
-practical tips for building self-trust and rocking your own personal style
Plus, get a sneak peek into our upcoming program, "I'm a Glow Getter," designed to help you embrace self-love through mindful practices. Tune in to start your journey towards self-love and authenticity today!
CONNECT WITH MAREN & START YOUR GLOW-UP TODAY!
Take your Wardrobe Alignment Assessment and get personalized video feedback from me! Easy, 10 question quiz to help you see where the blocks are!
Book a Style Edit Session- a 90 minute deep-dive call with me where we go internally to look at what's keeping you stuck, held back, or just feeling blah about your life and your wardrobe, and curate an intensive style plan that feels authentic to YOU! Learn more HERE.
Dress Like a Goddess in 90 Seconds - And I really mean it! Grab this free guide that is short, simple, but packs powerful, tangible results so you can start dressing like your REAL and most AUTHENTIC self every day! Grab it HERE.
Connect with me online:
Website: www.marenswenson.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558419637560
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/findwildserenity/
you're listening to the wild serenity finding inner peace your way podcast. I'm your host, maryn swenson, and on this show we talk about finding peace from the inside out by shedding conformity and the need for others approval and embracing your own wild truth. Whatever that may be serene, self-love is wild, radical honesty and I invite you to come inward with me. Hey everyone, welcome back to Wild Serenity finding inner peace your way. This episode I'm really excited about.
Speaker 1:I've had so many people talk to me and ask me how in the world do you release fear and actually show up authentically and get over that? How do you actually get it out of your system? Cause I know it sounds so easy to say and in practice it can be much harder. So I'm really diving into this topic today. It's very close to my heart. I really want to be able to explain and give like actual, tangible heart. I really want to be able to explain and give like actual, tangible, practical tips on how you can do this and I feel like as a glow coach and as someone who loves fashion and expressing myself in appearance and style, doing that for yourself is a gift. It's a gift for you. It shows you that you love yourself, that you take care of yourself, that you have pride in this amazing physical body and form. We keep it clean, we adorn it, we treat it so carefully, kind of like, how do you keep your most beloved home, right? I mean, gosh, we're very particular about how we keep our house. We should be even more particular about how we keep our bodies. It's a gift to you. You're like treating yourself with some TLC. It's also a gift to others, because the way you present yourself is usually a reflection of whatever is going on inside, so you'll be an energetic match outwardly to how you feel inside. Now I do not mean that you have to be sparkly, that you have to wear lots of makeup, that you have to wear heels, that you have to be sequin, adorned. You don't have to do any of that. You can be very simple in appearance, very even neutral in appearance, but you still will radiate someone who has been mindful, thoughtful, intentional and is very true to who they are and not caught up in trying to blend in, hide in. You can just feel when someone is expressing that, and so you are a gift to others when you are authentically yourself. It makes people feel seen, it makes people feel safe. It makes people want to be around you. It brings them joy.
Speaker 1:So please, let's get into how we can stop holding ourselves back, because so many of us do hold ourselves back. We're so afraid of what others are going to think. We're way too worried about either being too much or not enough Sometimes both, depending on who it is you're afraid of and if you've ever felt stuck in self-doubt or like your true self is hidden away under layers of fear and uncertainty, then this is your episode. So please, whatever you're doing, listen up. If you're home and just going to sit down and listen which I can't do that I have to be like moving while I'm listening. But if you're not, sit down and grab a hot cup of tea or a cup of coffee or something to really enjoy this, okay.
Speaker 1:So the first thing I want to do is start with acknowledging something extremely powerful. This is like a mic drop moment here. Right, you are already enough. I've talked about this before.
Speaker 1:I feel like the word worthy should be completely eradicated from our vocabulary. I hate the word, especially if you're like me and you've grown up like in religious fervor. That has such a connotation to it and it makes generally people feel a little bit of underlying fear or panic or like this thing. We have to check off this unattainable thing that we have to prove ourselves. You are worthy already, because there is no such thing, in my opinion, as worthiness. Because you are a piece of the master, because you are an expression of divinity, because you are a child of God whatever you want to call it, whatever your view or version of God is, you are a piece of that and inherently divine and inherently perfect and inherently wonderful. There's nothing you have to do or change in order to gain approval or be worthy. I'm doing air quotes here of someone's love. There's nothing you have to do to be better. You are already enough. You have everything inside of you. You are 100% equipped with everything you need to be radiant, to be confident and to be fully expressed. The only thing standing in the way of your authentic self-expression are the limitations and stories that you've attached to yourself over the years. Right, it's actually all in our head, and that's actually good news, because it means you're not relying on anyone else and those stories can be rewritten, and that's what we're going to talk about today. So we're going to look at why fear of judgment holds us back, the mindset shifts needed to move through it, and some actionable steps, both internal and external, that you can start applying right away. And so, by the end of this episode, you should have a small toolkit of strategies to help you start releasing fear and begin stepping into the bold, authentic woman or man or however you identify you're meant to be.
Speaker 1:So, number one, let's talk about understanding the root of fear and where it comes from. Usually, it stems from wanting to be liked and accepted. We've all been super conditioned to seek approval from others, like from our parents, our teachers, our friends and society at large. We've learned that pleasing others is what keeps us safe. So right, we all have this like giant need to belong. Oh my gosh, we want to belong so bad, and we feel in our early years that in order to belong, we have to be the same, or in order to belong, we have to be approved of. So we start living in a way that kind of minimizes any potential for judgment or rejection.
Speaker 1:But here is the thing People-pleasing is a never-ending impossible cycle. It's like trying to catch smoke with your hands. It doesn't matter how much you do or say, you can never guarantee how others are going to perceive or react to you. The truth is, people always are going to have opinions. There will always be someone who doesn't like or understand your choices, your style or your way of being in the world, but that has everything to do with them and not one thing to do with you. Like it actually has nothing to do with you. It is all a projection of what is happening inside themselves.
Speaker 1:Here's kind of a funny story. So actually tonight, while I was driving my daughter to volleyball, we were, I was like Allie, I have this fun idea for my dream car when I get, when I get to retire the mom minivan and get something just for me, that no kids are allowed to eat food and, oh my gosh, there will be no crumbs. Um, I said I wanted like a fun custom wrap, maybe with my branding, like, uh, like my wild serenity branding, with my colors, like my dark greens and my golds and, um, my light greens, and maybe like some snakes on it or something cool and classy. I don't have an actual image of it yet, but something cool and my daughter, who's 12 and like the cutest little tween who's pretty confident and pretty with it, but you know she's at that age where it's like I cannot stand out age. She laughed at me sweetly and was like I'd never drive a car like that. I wouldn't want a car like that.
Speaker 1:And I was like, oh, what would you want? And she was like, oh, I want a dark green Jeep. And I kind of pushed her on it and I was like, oh okay, why wouldn't you want a car like mine? And she was like I don't know, I wouldn't want to be seen in something like that. I was like, oh, okay, why? She said I don't know, cause people might think it's weird or they might not like it. And I said, oh, okay. So she was like, well, then I'd be embarrassed.
Speaker 1:And I was like, okay, so do you think, though, that everyone in the world is going to like your dark green Jeep? Do you think, though, that everyone in the world is going to like your dark green jeep? And that totally stumped her for a minute, because I think in her head before I pointed that out, I think she really thought everyone would. It seemed like the safest choice, and I'm like ali, or do you think someone is out there thinking I would never drive a car like that? Um, and she laughed and admitted that, okay, because I was like honey, I would never drive a car like that. I mean, I don't have strong feelings about dark green jeeps. I think they're fine, but it's not my first choice in car right, and and I actually pointed out to her I was like you actually just told me that you'd never drive a car like the one I wanted. And you actually said it to my face. You weren't just like some passerby who was thinking it. I was like should I be embarrassed? She's laughing with me. And she's like no, I'm like it just doesn't matter, like you can't. I know you think your dark green Jeep is neutral and it's fine and you're not going to get any crap from it. But I don't know. People have opinions Like if someone doesn't like a dark green Jeep, they have issues with dark green or Jeeps or whatever. Who knows who cares? It's like so what if they don't like it? So what?
Speaker 1:So letting go of people pleasing and this fear of judgment requires accepting here's a big one that you are not responsible for how others think or feel about you. It's like this control thing we have we really do delude ourselves into thinking we can control other people's opinions and control thing we have. We really do delude ourselves into thinking we can control other people's opinions and we just can't. We just can't. And the minute you can let go of that idea, oh my gosh, it's so liberating. Oh my gosh, it's like a huge burden just lifted off you to be free from all that worry and then anxiety and that fear of what are they going to think? Oh, because needing to control is horrible. That need we feel like who wants to feel that it's horrible. The sooner you can release the need for everyone's approval means, the sooner you can start living freely and authentically and feel so good. You are not responsible for anyone else. The only thing you are responsible is for how you show up and how you express yourself.
Speaker 1:Number two let's recognize your triggers and release the stories. So your next step is getting clear on the why of why you're fearful. We often get caught up in surface level fears without exploring what's really underneath. So I'm going to ask you to ask yourself what am I afraid of? Is it the fear of being seen as too much Hand raise right here? Been there, done that? Is it the fear of making a mistake or being criticized? Yeah, I've definitely been afraid of that in my life. That's definitely something with the tweens I noticed. Or maybe the fear that you'll be rejected if you show your true self. Oh my gosh, I had to deal with so much of that when I was going through my faith transition and leaving the lifelong religion I'd been ingrained in that my marriage was kind of was a huge component of that. I was so scared of losing my marriage. I was scared of losing my family. That was really hard for me, but I worked through it. I didn't lose anyone.
Speaker 1:Once you identify the fear, can you dig deeper and then ask where did this come from? What stories or experiences have led you to believe that it's dangerous to be fully expressed? Often we'll find that these fears are rooted like in outdated stories that no longer serve us, stories like I'm not good enough, or it's safer to blend in, or I shouldn't take up space. Gosh, those are just so hurtful to our psyche. Recognize these stories and then here's another trick Thank them for trying to keep you safe. You have got to start learning how to look at yourself without judgment. You have got to start learning how to be compassionate and to show yourself love and grace, because you don't need to be mad at yourself or disappointed in yourself for doing things a certain way for so long or adhering to these stories. It's all part of our souls and bodies trying to keep us safe right. It had good intentions. They were just misguided, but now we can recognize them, thank them for their part they played and we can release them because they no longer serve the woman that we are becoming.
Speaker 1:Number three shifting your mindset from people pleasing to self-pleasing. So, once you've identified your fear and its root, it's time to shift your mindset from people pleasing to self-pleasing. So, instead of asking things like what will people think if I wear this, say this or do this, you can start asking what do I think? Or how does this make me feel? Gosh, could you imagine how amazing your life would be if you just lived that way? A great exercise here is to journal out what you really want to express, whether that's like in your style, in the way you dress, dress or your speech, the things you say or your lifestyle choices, who you love, how you love, how you spend your money, what hobbies you have, whatever it may be. Get clear on your preferences, without worrying about what others are going to say, and the more you practice pleasing yourself first, the more natural it becomes to live according to your truth.
Speaker 1:Step number four is taking aligned action, practical steps to express yourself boldly. So let's move into some practical, actual steps that you can take both internally and externally, because we just covered a lot of internal stuff, stuff to step into actual, full expression. So number one would be experiment with your style in really small, manageable ways, because sometimes I think people are like they have a vision in their minds and then they're like one I can't afford a whole new wardrobe. Two, whoa, that's way too much for me. Three, I'm not confident enough to get there. Like we have all these things that really hold us back and I feel like that's okay, like we don't need to just change 180 overnight. Some people can do that and it's fine. Some people need time. So I would suggest taking time.
Speaker 1:Why don't you start by making small, very low quote risk changes to your wardrobe? You could add like a bold accessory, like a statement necklace or a bright pair of shoes or a fun new purse or a belt or like big earrings, just something small, but it will stand out and it will catch your eye. It feels a little out of your comfort zone, but it's not so much that you're too scared to do it, and the more you get used to doing something like that, the more courageous you'll get and you'll just like, over time it won't be scary anymore. I always say that the minute you feel that like little bit of uncomfortability it's not like full panic, it's not like hard, no, it's like, oh, I don't know, can I do that? Should I do that? Feels kind of scary, I don't know that's the moment where you should be like oh, this is my higher self telling me this is uncomfortable and this is change, and I should totally rush right into that. I should totally do that. Right, it's actually helping us grow. Growth is not comfortable. We all know that. Right, progression not comfortable, growth not comfortable. If it was, we would never grow. So start with something like that.
Speaker 1:I love huge necklaces. I don't wear them often because, to be honest, they're just not that comfortable. Like who wants to wear a giant clanky thing around? I actually have one. I have one from anthropology that I absolutely love and I pull out for occasions, but I can't wear it all day long because it's like I swear it wears. It weighs five pounds and, um, I get my hair gets caught in it and stuff. But every time I wear it I look in the mirror and I feel like, oh my gosh, I look like a million bucks and I I always get compliments on it. It doesn't mean that everyone likes it. I think there's plenty of people who hate the look, but I definitely stand out and that's pretty fun. But I also do get a lot of compliments. I think it's really cute. So try something like that. Notice how it feels to step out with a bit more presence and I think over time you'll really be like oh yeah, I rock this, I love it.
Speaker 1:Number two practice speaking your truth in low stakes situations. So challenge yourself to voice your opinions or preferences, like in small situations, like something silly like choosing a movie or choosing a restaurant. Right, it's not going to, you're not going to get like canceled because you decided you wanted to go to PF Chang's over. I don't know Beto's right, but some people have a hard time even deciding that. Some people are so used to like not having, not wanting to make the decision, their voice or opinion not counting, and they just like defer. Start with something like that. That's what I mean by a low stakes situation. It's like just something kind of simple. But notice where you don't do it and then start doing it. This will help you build your confidence muscle for speaking up in much bigger ways. Number three oh, I love this one Affirmations.
Speaker 1:Create a daily affirmation practice. So affirmations are one they're easy to do. Two, they don't cost money. Three, they take very little time. Four, they're a very powerful way to rewire your beliefs.
Speaker 1:Words are powerful. Words are so powerful. They have an energy about them. They carry a frequency, they carry a vibration. Words matter. When you speak kind words to someone, the energy shifts in the room. It makes them feel amazing. When you speak mean words to someone, it does the opposite and they're very powerful. So how you talk to yourself is the most important thing that you can cultivate, and if you can talk to yourself with love and grace and kindness and praise and compassion, think about how you'll be able to talk to everyone else. So try affirmations like it's safe for me to be seen.
Speaker 1:My truth is valuable and worth expressing. I love and accept myself exactly as I am. I think the key is to pick something that actually feels like true. I don't mean that you have to believe it all the time. But even if it's like a deep down I know this is true. I'm just having a hard time getting there today. That's okay. It could be something like. It could be something like I just said. I know I love myself, I know I'm a badass, I know all these things. I might not feel it today, but I'm getting there.
Speaker 1:Number four designate a no judgment day. Ooh, can you do this? Choose one day a week to experiment and express yourself with no self judgment. Wear what you want, say what you need to and move through the world as the fully expressed version of yourself. If fear or judgment comes up, here's the key you acknowledge it and then you move through it with compassion. You don't beat yourself up. You don't get hard on yourself when you make mistakes. It's not helpful to sit there and really beat yourself up. We're going to move through it, okay.
Speaker 1:Number five can you build self-trust through consistent action? So the more you practice aligning with your truth whether it's through your clothing, your speech, what you say or how you choose to spend your time the more you'll build self-trust. And that's actually what true confidence is. It's the ability to trust yourself, to show up authentically, no matter what the situation is or the potential for judgment. So when you consistently show up as your true self, you'll find that the fear of judgment loses its power and you'll learn that the only opinion that really matters is your own. But it it does take practice.
Speaker 1:And I I really feel like some of us. We can be really good and high in some areas and really struggle in others, or like we're good around certain types of people, but then there's like a few individuals maybe, or groups of people where we're we're scared to be our true selves. Um, and that's, like I said, said what self-trust actually is. It's trusting that you'll be you no matter what. But again, you have to show yourself grace and compassion for not being that way. So these are all the things you can do. I'm going to talk more about all of these in depth in my upcoming courses, in my upcoming programs I'm offering I also do about all of these in depth in my upcoming courses, in my upcoming programs I'm offering. I also do coaching, one-on-one if you're interested in that. We actually work on things together.
Speaker 1:But these are really great ways to just get started on your path to glowing up inside and out, relieve self-doubt, step into full self-expression totally requires shifting from people pleasing to self-pleasing, recognizing and releasing old stories and building courage through small practical steps. Please remember this the world needs you, it needs your light. Your unique voice and your presence are actually a gift to yourselves and to others. You deserve to express yourself fully and authentically in every aspect of your life not just some, not to please someone else, but to be with you. So thank you guys, so much for joining me today.
Speaker 1:If this episode resonated with you, I'd really love to hear your thoughts. You can reach out on social media. You can leave a review, you can message me, you can email me. If you know me, just text me. I really I get feedback from people and it's actually very helpful. I really do like it.
Speaker 1:Um, if you are interested in working more with me, I offer coaching, but I'm really excited about this program I have coming up. Um, in the month of October. I have one more week until I well, actually less than a week until I start. I start Monday, the 7th, but I'm offering just a few limited spots to people who can help give me feedback, who can help give me critique and give me some experience as I teach a little mini, condensed version of a big class called I'm a glow getter. I'm really excited about this.
Speaker 1:We're going to talk about all of the things I talked about today Um, the energy and psychology of clothing, how that affects us, how to shop. Um, mindfulness, crafting, morning and evening routines, releasing stories, releasing fear. Um, if you're interested in that and participating. It runs in October for four weeks. It's like 75 minutes every Monday, um, but everything's recorded, in case you can't make it live with me. Um, but I'd really love to have you with me. If you're interested, please shout, please reach out to me and let me know. In the meantime, please, if you can remember anything from this episode, please just remember like you are it, you are all that is. You are all you need to be. You are enough exactly the way you are. You don't need to change for anyone else. You don't need to change for you. You just need to love yourself a little bit more and you need to let yourself be seen. Ah K loves. Have a great week.