Unfiltered Christian Podcast
Welcome to "Unfiltered Christian," a podcast where faith meets authenticity. Join me as we share the raw and real experiences of our Christian journey, navigating the highs and lows of life. Through heartfelt testimonials and candid conversations, we'll explore the challenges and triumphs of living a life of faith. Whether you're struggling or soaring, this podcast aims to uplift, encourage, and remind you that you're never alone in your walk with Christ. Tune in for genuine insights, relatable stories, and a community of believers striving to grow together.
Unfiltered Christian Podcast
Ep 7 - How far is too far sexually as a Christian?
How far is too far sexually as a Christian? Join us on a heartfelt and insightful journey as we explore this crucial question, contrasting our youthful misconceptions with our mature understanding of Christian teachings on sexual morality. We share personal experiences, from childhood games like "kiss chase" to the empowering feeling of resisting physical relationships, and discuss the role of education, trauma, and past experiences in shaping our views and behaviours.
In our conversation, we dissect the complexities of setting boundaries within the context of Christian faith and celibacy. We discuss the challenges of maintaining these boundaries while dating and the importance of clear communication, mutual respect, and shared beliefs. Personal anecdotes reveal the struggles and triumphs of adhering to celibacy, inspired by stories of individuals who have made similar commitments, and the significant role that prayer and conscious decision-making play in this journey.
Finally, we delve into the valuable lessons learned about relationships and sexuality from family and personal experiences. From the candid advice of uncles and cousins to the observations of peers' reputations, we highlight the importance of resisting societal pressures and maintaining self-respect. We also explore the dynamics of transitioning from friendship to marriage, emphasizing the benefits and challenges of this approach. Tune in for a heartfelt prayer for those struggling with sexual abstinence and relationship dynamics, and gain valuable insights into maintaining personal and spiritual integrity in today's world.
Thank you for Listening
To ask us a question email us @ unfilteredchristian1@gmail.com
Welcome to Unfiltered Christian with Cece and Shea.
Speaker 2:Come and join us on an authentic journey through the highs and lows of our Christian faith.
Speaker 1:Where we'll be holding nothing back. Hey guys, welcome back to the Unfiltered Christian podcast. I'm Cece and I'm Shea. Guys, do you know what? We want to take a minute and pause and just say thank you, because we're in japan, we're in germany, we're in st lucia and we're in united states honey, I'm just like what and obviously we're in united kingdom. So in united kingdom, we're gonna shout out the boroughs because it breaks it down in boroughs. Yeah, so we're in the United.
Speaker 1:Kingdom. So in the United Kingdom we're going to shout out the boroughs, because it breaks it down in boroughs, yeah, so we're in Lewisham, we're in Barnet, we're in Bromley, we're in Lambeth, we're in Camden, we're even in Glasgow. Hello, oh wow, and we're in Islington. Woo-woo, I'm savvocked.
Speaker 1:So we just want to say thank you guys for listening, tuning in, tell a friend. To tell a friend. To tell a friend. Um, we just wanted to just break down for those. If you're on spotify, make sure follow, click the bell so that you're notified and if you click the three dots you can rate the show.
Speaker 1:So you know, you know, it's a five star amen, so yeah and then on amazon music all you have to do is straightforward you just click follow, you just click the heart and it will let you know and cc will tell you for the Apple people right.
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Speaker 2:It just stays on your um, so it's like you just click.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it just stays there, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, and you just automatically will just see us and you can go to your recent like recently played, and you'll see us there as well, so yeah, and on Spotify.
Speaker 1:Guys, I took my time to like do polls and interact, so you can interact with us um ask your questions on there as well.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, so email address is also available on podcast as well, when you scroll down um for the apple one, and email address is there as well cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, email us your topics, guys. So today is my question are you ready?
Speaker 2:no, I'm not ready. Last time you asked a question, it's thrown me into the loop for the last two weeks, so I am not ready but okay.
Speaker 1:So my question is to your younger self. So your younger self after you got baptized, yeah, and yourself now, okay. So how far is too far sexually as a christian?
Speaker 2:sorry guys, I wasn't, she was not ready. Oh my gosh, my chest, oh my gosh, wow, okay okay, okay you don't mean, my mouth is now dry. I'm hyperventilating a little bit. Your eyes widened. You know what I mean. My pupils are big, it's a lot. What do you call it? As my younger self and as my older self After you got baptized.
Speaker 2:Sorry guys, I had to sip some water. It was really that deep. Okay, so, as my younger self, right, nothing was off limits, because I wasn't. When I got baptized I didn't go through the like. I think first of all, when I chose to get baptized, I decided that day. So my church didn't get the time to give me the bible study, because that's normally what they would do. Um and um, I felt like I was ready because I was going to church and all that stuff. I was not that deep in my walk with Christ to understand the no-nos right.
Speaker 2:It was just like I want to give my life to God and everything else will follow. I think that's what I thought in my head, but I was in my early 20s when that happened. I think that's what I thought in my head, but I was in my early 20s when that happened. My mind was still very much in the world and, like I really wanted a boyfriend and having a boyfriend, there wasn't any limits on anything sexual.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So the younger me was still doing that stuff and I'm sure after that I got when I got baptized. That's when I got into like my second kind of longest relationship and it was quite a deep relationship okay um, and nothing of the kind crossed my mind about we should not be doing anything, did you not feel?
Speaker 2:guilty or anything no there was no guilt where I'm saying nothing. I had no like I didn't feel condemned. I didn't feel convicted, I didn't feel anything like. And that is mad, because I feel like when I if I'm correct for being convicted comes through education, so I feel like when I'm in education, in the word, I feel like when God will like what they say. The Bible says that God will wink, right, because you don't know what you're doing. You genuinely don't see it Sometimes, you. And then there's the one you don't know what you're doing and there's the one where you know what you're doing is wrong, but you're still doing it anyways. Yeah, but me I was just younger, me was just like there was nothing.
Speaker 1:Was you ever taught to save yourself for marriage? No, ah, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 2:No, I was never taught that. Um, I don't remember ever. Yeah, I was never taught that. I was more taught like you. You, it shouldn't be outside of a relationship. You should be with somebody and it should be a commitment okay, but not the commitment wasn't marriage, so have?
Speaker 1:sex when you're in a committed relationship?
Speaker 2:yeah, okay because you and make sure, obviously, like you're committed to one person and that it's more trustworthy quote-unquote trustworthy that way no situationship okay right, exactly, but that's just how I saw it as my younger self now, as my older self now being on that path, um, do you know what? The weird thing? What I would say, because I got re-baptized again.
Speaker 2:Before I got re-baptized, I was actually trying to practice celibacy, but I struggled so I had from the time of, I think from 2000 and I'm going to say maybe 16 it could have been before, but from about 2016. I remember that's as far back as I can remember when I started practicing celibacy and I went seven months then broke it, and then I went another seven months then broke it, but like I was never making it past the year and stuff, and I found it very difficult and I tried my best, but once again, I was doing it in my own strength. And when I restarted my journey, well, that was through the time when I did restart my journey with God, but not I wasn't going to church yet and I was still working on my daily um kind of.
Speaker 2:I was still working on my daily um kind of relationship with him, with devotionals in the morning and stuff like that and I feel like, because I didn't have that instilled in me through feeding my spirit, I couldn't fight against those urges because, I'm a very sexual person, so and I could admit that doesn't bother me I'm a sexual person, so for me it was hard to even make it to that seven months.
Speaker 1:I was like, oh my gosh, you did such a what made you want to become celibate, if those wasn't your morals in the beginning.
Speaker 2:Because it became my morals, because of being in the word.
Speaker 1:And realizing what God wants me to do.
Speaker 2:So I wanted to be obedient to what he told me, and as I was being obedient, he kept opening my eyes to why he wants us to save our bodies for our husband.
Speaker 2:When we are married, not even before you're married, even if you are building up to get married, it still should be in marriage. It came over time and I had to keep telling myself that there's a reason for this, there's a reason for this, there's a reason for this. And then I started reflecting back on, like the emotions that comes with sex and the fact that you can't strip away from that person because of the soul ties.
Speaker 2:I started learning about soul ties and stuff and how dangerous it is, and that stuff started to freak me out and I think, okay, whoa, that's deep, that is deep.
Speaker 1:For those that don't know what is a soul tie okay, so a soul tie is what you would have.
Speaker 2:Um, so if you've been sexual with somebody, right, because you're going, that person is going into you I'm speaking as a woman, or as a man going into a woman. You're I'm not describing this right the spiritual side of you. You connect to that person spiritually as well when you're being sexual as well when you're being sexual, and so that person, if they've been sexual with different people, the spirits that the other person, those individuals, are carried is within that person, and the spirits that you're carrying with being with other people is within you.
Speaker 2:And then you're like passing that over to each other, especially during sex, and it's like you don't even know what you picked up from that person. So, like you could be picking up, like that person could could be wicked you don't even know that they're wicked. You're picking up all these things and you're wondering why you're angry. You're wondering why you can't control yourself when it comes to whatever food or when it's not normally you yeah yeah, it's not normally you and it's like also that tie now you have to that person.
Speaker 2:You're that person could be the worst, they could be beating you, they could be doing whatever, but because you have that sexual soul tied to them, you can't let go.
Speaker 2:You can't say okay, I'm done with this relationship, and you can know in your hearts of hearts that person's up for you, even if they're not hitting you, let's just say like you don't have anything in common but because of the lust and the soul tie, you can't, you don't even have to let go of that person yeah, and as soon as I started, when I removed, removed the sexual and I just even because I'm also like quick to kind of fall for someone emotionally but that became so much easier to let go of someone because of not having that soul tie, it was like it was much easier, like where I might feel hurt for like I don't know two weeks, like I'm over you.
Speaker 2:I'm like, yeah, do you know what I mean? Because I didn't give my body to you. Like I'm over you. I'm like, yeah, here's what it is. Do you know what I mean? Because I didn't give my body to you. Like I'm so happy, I'm so overwhelmed, I'm so like I'm just like you know, I'm overjoyed because I didn't give my body to you, so I don't have that, you don't have a hold over me. And they even know it, they realize it, because they use this, that sex, to hold on to you yeah that physical to hold on to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you, just, you just lose yourself and you lose your consciousness and your morals of what you would have not done.
Speaker 1:It's not become your idol, literally.
Speaker 2:How about you? Yeah, how about you? What is your um? Is that what the question was? Like your opinion or your mindset towards sex. How far is too far? How far is?
Speaker 1:too far. How far is too far? Yeah, what was your when I was younger? Like I was, I was frigid. Frigid is a person that is scared.
Speaker 2:What is that word again? I haven't heard it for so long.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like sexually, my friends was outside and for me I was scared, like there was a game that we used to play in. I've been, I've been traumatized since primary school. So in primary school, maybe year four, year five, I'm trying think I don't even know how old you are. So I'm sorry, oh God, how old are you?
Speaker 2:Oh, in year four you're about you would be nine, because when I came to England I was nine, so I went straight into year four.
Speaker 1:So year four, year five, nine ten. Eight or nine.
Speaker 2:Eight or nine. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Eight, nine, eight or nine.
Speaker 1:So there was this game called kiss chase and the boys would run after you to kiss you and you would run away. Now I always remember there was this. There was this one lady and she said you know, when they kiss you, you get pregnant. And for me I was like me Woman. No, I used to be running. I never used to like that game. Some girls used to like it. I used to be running for their life, going into the toilet because the boys couldn't come into the girls' toilet the boys couldn't come into the girls' toilet.
Speaker 1:And do you know, sometimes I used to spend my whole entire lunchtime in the toilet because the boys used to be outside. I don't want you kissing me. Wow, you were traumatized for real. Yes, Like who wants to come home pregnant. I ate, you know. Do you know what I mean. And then I'll never forget the time when, because I had a boyfriend in primary school.
Speaker 1:um, I know right, but it it was because I don't know, I was a popular kid in primary school. But I was a popular kid because I didn't like other kids being bullied. So and then, like, the guy who I went out with was a popular guy and and so we was like the popular people. And I'll never forget the time like we never used to play kiss chase and I was happy when we became boyfriend and girlfriend because I didn't have to run no more and he didn't kiss me.
Speaker 1:And then it's funny, it's the most funny you're thinking about as an eight-year-old, you know, you know, like, like when they blow the whistle for lunchtime, yeah, and so we're lining up, because in my, in my primary school, they used to hold up the cards and you used to see your card and you used to go and run and line up and then his class and my class got called and then, like, we were smiling at each other and then I looked away and when I turned back around he kissed me on my lip. Lord, oh my gosh. I was like I came home and I, I remember I was scared. It was Friday, my godmother, my godsister, used to come down and there was more people that came down on that Saturday and I don't know what possessed me, and I stood in the kitchen and I said I'm pregnant and my mum was looking at me like, and my godmother was like, really posh, and she was like what did you say? And I said I'm pregnant and my mom said how did you get pregnant? I won't say his name.
Speaker 1:I said oh so, and so kissed me on my lips and the lady in school said that if a boy kisses you, you're pregnant. And they all laughed at me, yeah, and that. And nobody said, oh my gosh, it was incorrect or you're not pregnant. They just laughed. No, they didn't even correct you and when you were a child, I don't know, it just disappeared. I just felt like, well, and I didn't understand pregnancy. I didn't understand that you get a belly. I didn't understand all of that. I just knew that when you were pregnant, you had a baby. So all of that was just different. Then, when I got into year six, we had sex education and that sex education was real. Like when I mean real, it was real. They didn't show Year six.
Speaker 1:Why did they do that Because a lot of girls in my class was having puberty, so they broke us up.
Speaker 1:So there was we had a video that we watched together. So they had like naked children and up until you're an adult, to show you like, maybe like five and six year olds, a boy and a girl, and then like when you're 10 and 11, and then when you're a teenager and then like when in your early twenties, and then when you're like more of an adult, and then when you're like grandparents, to show how your body will change, and like when you get breasts and in your willy and all of these different stuff. And then let me tell you something In this video they were saying like babies are made through having sex and they were talking about the sperm and stuff.
Speaker 2:I didn't understand that, for me I was traumatized seeing a willie on the tv it was really weird because even though we were laughing, because the boys was like the boys was getting excited at seeing the girls.
Speaker 1:But the girls were like but you know what is weird? Because I'm used to barfing with my cousins as a kid, but I didn't see it like that, but seeing it on the television it was a lot for me it was real. And not only that they showed how the baby came out.
Speaker 2:Okay, guys, so I'm just going to recap here. Year six, right, is the last year before primary school in England, so you'd be about 10 or 11 watching this video.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a lot, but you had to consent because I, my mom, had to write yes or no, because they put it in depth of what your child will be.
Speaker 2:you're gonna see, oh wow, like, so there was okay with that, yeah my mom was fine, because I guess I'm gonna learn right.
Speaker 1:And then, um, so there were some kids and at the time now, when I look back at it, there were some children that was that got taken out of the class and I didn't understand why, but it was because their parents didn't consent to them learning. But we had a whole month learning about puberty. Then we learned about one day you're gonna have your period and this is what they, um, they were saying like do not use this. And they showed us like a tampax to say that you shouldn't use this until you start having sex. And then this is a pad, this is a panty liner. We had to learn how to put the panty liner in and the pad in the knickers.
Speaker 2:Did the video show you that, by the way? Or you had to?
Speaker 1:no, we was like in we, we learned it in class Well, not class. They took us out. So the girls went into one room and they showed us what belly tops are. So when your breasts start to grow, they were explaining about the seed and stuff and how you're going to wear a belly top and then different types of bras.
Speaker 1:Well, these kids need that now. Yeah, but I guess we live in a world that is so different. So, and it's funny because all like the other children, like the muslim kids, there was a lot because we had my school was quite diverse.
Speaker 1:They was in that they they wasn't in the video where you saw, like the different stages of puberty and how babies came and they was in that class about learning, about your period and then learning yeah I get that learning about you're gonna have body odor um which I didn't even know that was bo, because bo short for like body odor, because you just yeah, you got, oh yeah, could you say bo, but you wouldn't oh yeah yeah, then they were talking about your hormones and then you're going to eventually smell and then you're going to have to wash underneath your armpits and you spray.
Speaker 1:So I guess they realised I think my school realised that many people was probably starting their period early and they didn't know about it because their parents wasn't teaching them. So I was traumatised from them, right and well. So when I got to and then growing up, my my mom's side of family is quiet. They go to church. So I was taught that you don't have sex before marriage. So I just thought, as long as you're not having sex, you're fine.
Speaker 2:So I'm trying to think how old I was.
Speaker 1:I don't even know, there's a loophole uh kind of thing maybe 22, maybe that that's when you learn about foreplay. So my mind was like foreplay is okay because it's not sex.
Speaker 1:Um okay yeah, so foreplay was okay in my head. So, even though I'm learning, my mind was just like, well, and for those people that don't know, because you know we got some stubborn people when we want to do what we want to do, because a lot of people say like, oh, there is no sex before marriage, the word is fornication in the bible. The word is fornication so right, I can't remember. I think one time we were having a bible study when I was like 26, 27, and I was talking about that masturbation, is it right or is it wrong? And then that's when I learned that you shouldn't be having foreplay because that is for your husband or that is for your wife like you, because you're arousing yourself. You know what I mean and that's when I realized like, oh okay.
Speaker 1:So all the time I thought I thought foreplay was okay because I'm saving myself for my, my, my marriage. So foreplay is okay because you're not doing anything. And when I say foreplay. I'm not talking about using dildos or anything like that, it was just literally like I'm here laughing oral sex basically yeah, oral sex yeah all your fingers, yeah, yeah, so that was that for me.
Speaker 1:And then that's when I thought to myself like, okay, but I did. Do you know what? It was so weird. I still going back to it, even when I did that study. I think it was difficult because it was like, well, I'm not having penetrated sex. Yeah, it is tough. So that was the battle in my head.
Speaker 2:You went way back, boy.
Speaker 2:I wasn't thinking that back. I was just thinking early like 20s. I forgot what happened before them times. No, but I'm going back because I was traumatized. So, yeah, yeah, I remember kiss chase. I'd just come to England, got really bullied badly in my first primary school, got switched to my second primary school. It was like everyone being nice to me and then like everyone trying to be like really manipulative and like fake, fake friends and like, oh, come with me and I'll take care of you and oh, go here. Like I didn't know what it was like and it's like this girl, I'll never forget her. She like was the popular girl and she told me to go stand somewhere and like the boy is gonna come and kiss me and I'm like what the boy said what like I'm panicking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I grew up back home. I grew up in the Caribbean, where a boy can't kiss you like. I remember being in primary school back home and a boy, me and a boy was running in the playground and he literally ran into me. We fell on the floor and someone went and told the teacher that we kissed and I was gonna get beaten for that and I didn't even kiss the boy. It was literally like we ran into each other and we dropped on the floor or whatever and someone said we kissed like. So when it comes to that stuff, I wasn't into all of that.
Speaker 2:So when I came to England I was like kiss, who Are you okay? But then when I started to realize that, oh, you don't get in trouble for stuff like that, eventually I was like, oh, you don't get in trouble, this is not like back home, okay. And I became a bit too too. I wasn't doing anything, um, like penetrative, penetrative kind of getting the word out, the word out properly, but you know I mean guys. Yeah, I wasn't having like penetrate sex, but I was still, um, doing like things with boys, like let them yeah, yeah, I feel like I'm still doing little things with boys, not even old sex, but, just like you know, I think I would kiss and whatever, um.
Speaker 2:And I just thought, okay, like I'm in England, you're free. You know people don't get in trouble for these things. Like you, nothing happens to you, um, but I feel like at that point, because I didn't have that growing up where, like I said, it was just like you know, once you're in a relationship, it's fine, once it's your boyfriend, you're fine. But I always knew that I didn't want to lose my virginity at a young age, um, I always said I'd try to make it up to 18. Um, I wanted to like at least be 18, uh, because I just felt like it was too young to be saying that you're doing stuff, because I know that.
Speaker 2:I don't know where I got that from, I don't know if it's my mom, but I always knew, like having sex, there's a lot of responsibility and you, you know you have to make sure that you're um, taking precautions and all these different things, and it just it was just too much for my head and I was like no, I don't want to do that. And then my friends weren't really doing that as well when I got to secondary school, so I just thought, well, no, I'm not into that, you know, I mean um, I more just wanted a boyfriend.
Speaker 2:Just to um say I had a boyfriend. Like you know, he's there for you, give you a hug, he'll give you a kiss, he'll give you a hug, he'll give you a kiss, he'll help you carry your bag. Like that's what I wanted him for. It was nothing else.
Speaker 2:But don't say carry in your book bag yeah, obviously, coming out, turn my bag yeah, I mean, that's why I wanted a boyfriend before in school, like everyone had a boyfriend. They treat them, they'll buy them a nice present for their birthday, like all these cute little things. Yeah, I wanted a boyfriend for that, um. But when I think about the question that you're asking, what is too far? As a Christian, everything, yeah, everything is too far, even if you have self-control.
Speaker 1:because for me, like I have, I have a hundred percent self-control, like, and I think I'm just so very particular that I don't like kissing, because if you don't kiss correctly it's just like eh, that's what you're funny with, you're funny with all of it, to be fair. Yeah, so I think shout out to being traumatised when I was young because I am so fussy and for me, like I can just switch off, like if something goes wrong, I can just switch off, like something goes wrong.
Speaker 1:I'll just switch. And I used to think to myself, like some people used to be like, oh, it's okay to kiss, but for somebody else kissing might lead to something else, yeah. Or you might say it's okay to hug, but hugging might lead to something else. Something else, it's true, because you might hug them and you think you smell nice. You know what I mean lips are near the neck lips are near the face.
Speaker 2:You know, I never thought about hugging that's deep yeah.
Speaker 1:I wasn't really that hugging. Remember back in the day when they used to say Christians hug like with their arms out, so your bodies are not close.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so true. Actually, they actually mentioned that in my um training, because I did a safeguarding training recently for church guys and they actually mentioned that. Actually, um, that when you're hugging your church brethren, you know trying not to don't hug them forward, do?
Speaker 1:side hugs.
Speaker 2:You know, you put your arm on it and I was like, oh my gosh, this is in the training.
Speaker 1:This is it.
Speaker 2:But you know, it's about protection of yourself.
Speaker 1:Because you might feel something that you're not meant to feel Exactly.
Speaker 2:You know or you're creating something that isn't that makes sense, yeah um, so that's very important as well.
Speaker 1:That's why sometimes I do feel a bit funny like hugging a church brother no, I shake their hand, unless you're my my broski, I'll give you a hug, but other than that I'll shake your hand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true, you know, I think it's because I'm a hugger. I don't really think about it, but I'm very cautious or conscious of it, and so is the person I'm hugging. I was like I wouldn't hug them. Does that make sense? Because there's not many people I hug that are male at church Really not many people. Um. So yeah, it is a very good point, and I even feel weird hugging people's husbands. I'm just like that's your husband. I don't know if I want to hug him, you know, do you know? I mean like I feel weird because at the end of the day, I just don't want to make anyone feel disrespected even if.
Speaker 2:I know that's not my intent, um, so I'm always careful with that as well. But, um, for me, going through celibacy, like choosing, like leaving sex and choosing to be celibate at the beginning of my journey I did have that battle or that kind of um controversy with anyone I spoke to, because it's like I had a thing where, like some people would say to me, or I had someone say to me, like that means you shouldn't be kissing if you're a celibate. But I didn't feel convicted. At that time I didn't see a problem with kissing. But now, after having this um conversation, I the weirdest thing. I had this conversation with one of my good friends yesterday and I was talking about that and I was saying to her that I think, I feel I don't know if I want to kiss now, yeah, you shouldn't. Basically. No, I shouldn't.
Speaker 1:I know I shouldn't but I'm just looking to transfer on the channel for anybody. Yeah okay, no this is for you to kiss honey.
Speaker 2:No, no it's not for you, but I'm saying I'm going off of my like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna like talk now and be like, oh you know, I would never because I'm human. So I'm not trying to say I would never, but it's something I've been trying to work out for myself like I don't think I actually, because I have kissed during my celibacy, but I um. But I don't think I and I was off limit for anything else it would only be kissing, but I think, at this point I don't know if I want to anymore.
Speaker 2:um, yeah, I don't think I would. I want to and, like I said, I'm, it's not that's like I do often. Because, even if I want to anymore, yeah, I don't think I would or want to and, like I said, that's not like I do often. Because, even if I chose to kiss someone, you'd have to seem quote, unquote, mad, special to me to even bother. But at this point I feel like, huh, I don't think I want to kiss, I don't think I actually do.
Speaker 2:And I remember watching this Christian movie. It was like a black and white movie years ago, not long ago, but it came out at some point over the last few years and this girl she was a young girl and a boy liked her in school and stuff, and she went out with a boy, outside of her dad's permission, I think, and she always said to her dad that when she gets gets married, that's when she'll have her first kiss. So she wouldn't even kiss the boy before, um, she gets married. And I think it was based off a true story or like around that. You know, like parts of it was based off a true story and I found that quite amazing.
Speaker 2:I think from that point I've been convicted which I need to remember that more often when you're in the situation because in the situation I think that's where you need to pray more, because I'm not dealing with anybody, so it's easier, but when you are dealing with somebody, you have to pray so much more, harder to resist because you are human and I just feel that now, the place I'm in life, now I'm very much more conscious about the person that I will even speak to or indulge in a conversation with, because over the years, I've seen that a lot of men have not been respectful of the fact that I'm celibate, much less to say now that, okay, I don't want to kiss, and I feel like I've noticed that in their experiences that I have had, they've tried to use kissing as a way to like break my celibacy, um, which I have not and I don't intend to, unless I feel like that God has ordained you to be my husband and it's still not going to be before marriage. So it's just trying to be in a place now where I know that person. It'd be great if they're on the same level as me. Actually, that would be definitely probably more so, not just looking for a man of God or seeking a man of God, but someone that also is celibate and respecting his body as well, so that we can be on that journey together. Um, and that's definitely where I'm at now, more and just based on, like that movie I watched with that girl.
Speaker 2:She waited because someone tried to like, I think the popular guy tried to force her to kiss him and she didn't. And, um, eventually, um, her it was her dad as well that used to talk to her like about this and like make her feel respected as a young woman and I feel like, because she looked after her dad, it made her more want to save her body, um, and save her lips. That is all included in her body. And eventually there's a young guy that came to do like an internship at her dad's law firm and he also told her dad that he also doesn't want to kiss anyone until marriage. But they didn't know that of each other, but the dad knew, and that was her husband, because he also wanted the same thing. So I just also feel like once, like you will know if that, I feel like we can connect quote unquote, connect with a lot of people.
Speaker 2:I was saying this to someone the other day. But it's the right connection and it's the correct things, especially when it comes to your morals and your faith. When you connect with someone with those things on that level that is so deep, it's so powerful, and that's my main aim to focus on someone that respects that. I don't want to kiss, um, I don't make me feel forced into do that and I don't, and I'm definitely not going to do the rest of the other stuff either. Um, that's what I can speak on and say, yes, definitely. No, I don't want you to touch me in a sexual way or whatever. And if you feel that you can't control yourself, then we're not hugging each other either. Um, and that's it. But you know you can't control yourself, then we're not hugging each other either, and that's it.
Speaker 2:But you know you can really come across some nasty people where it can be like. You know, I had a guy say to me do you really think a man is going to wait for you? And I'm just like, well, that's fine. If he doesn't want to wait, that's up to him. There's so many women out there that are happy to give their bodies. Who am I? Do you know? I mean, it doesn't matter, it doesn't want to wait for me, like what's the big deal? But you don't need to make me feel a way about it because you don't want to wait that's what kept me until marriage.
Speaker 1:You know, I feel like saying what you just said. Shout out to my uncles, because my uncles told me from a young age that a man will say anything to get into your knickers and once they get into your knickers, they're gone. And then, for anyone that doesn't know what knickers are, and then, like my in secondary school, I used my friends as testimonies like they were having sex in. Like in year nine. Again, I gotta think about these ages. In year nine, I think you're 14, I don't even know yeah, about 13, 14 ish yeah.
Speaker 1:So they was having sex from that age and I just used to look at them, not in a judgmental way but in a sense like seeing how guys was just talking about them, like, oh, I had sex with with this, oh, I had sex with this person and I've had sex with that person. And seeing the rumors and I was like I don't want that. And one of my cousins who was a hoe literally said to me no, he literally said to me.
Speaker 1:He said oh, he's a guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He said Cece, let me tell you this because he was older than me, um, like about six or seven years older than me, and that's and this is the one thing that stuck with me and which is why I never had sex is, he said to me, the boys you will have sex with when you're older will look back at you and say I had that, and I was like oh my gosh, I don't want that.
Speaker 2:Like for different people to look at me and say I've had that.
Speaker 1:And then guys that I used to talk to, that I liked always used to be like why are you holding on to a piece of string like my? What's it called?
Speaker 2:heman, heman, heman, I can't remember yeah, but yeah, the lining a piece of street. You said the disrespect as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow and I had one guy that was on my case, on my case, on my case, and the more he was on my case, the more it, the more it strengthened me to be like, do you know what? Like who are you? Like you're trying to tell me that I'm this, I'm that and like, oh, you're. So how long are you, what are you going to be a virgin up into your 30? And I'm like, well, if it takes that long, then yeah. So I used to be like throwing it back because I thought to myself, okay, I don't want to be like that.
Speaker 1:And then I remember when I got into university, there was this girl that used to live around my area. She was really lovely, by the way, and, um, she had, she had a high sex drive, she had a lot of sex with people around the area. And I always remember what my cousin said and I was like thankful, but I was also sorry for her, because people actually didn't know her. They just saw her as, because she had a high sex drive and she was just willing to have sex with these guys, that they didn't actually know her because she was a lovely person. But now she's got this name and then even the other day. She's now married but people still remember her for that Like she's now married, she's got a child. And somebody said, oh, like remember when she got passed around and I think my cousin saying that to me just always made me think that you know what?
Speaker 1:I don't want no guy to say I've had that and that's what stood out to me and that's why I just kept on like pushing and pushing and pushing, like, no, you're not gonna break me, you're not gonna break me. And I think that's when I thought to myself and my auntie, my great aunt, may she rest in peace. She always used to just be real, like just to say that you know, um Cece, a lot of guys will say certain things, and like they would even be do you think that they're talking to you?
Speaker 1:or like you might be waiting all seven months, but they're, they're out there being with somebody else while you think they're being faithful to you yeah yeah, she's right, I had a lot of that that I, even though I didn't understand it, I because it was a bit like weird, like you know, like why would you know when you ask yourself questions like why would he talk to a girl for seven months and be there talking to another girl?
Speaker 1:you know because it didn't make sense, yeah when you get older, then you realize, because then you think, oh my god, he waited for me, but no, these times he was outside getting it from somebody else, and you just think that he's been waiting for you, yeah and I and I didn't.
Speaker 1:I didn't trust men, like at all, and I think that's why I didn't have respect for men. Because I'm just going to be honest, like when people used to say to me, like do you not feel connected when you're doing foreplay? And I'm like, no, I just switch off, because I just see it as you're just that boy that's going to be out there doing it to all these persons. I just used to switch off. Like people used to say I was cold-hearted.
Speaker 2:Like I didn't have no connection with guys, like at all.
Speaker 2:That's deep that is deep boy, I feel like I'm going through your journey now, not as exact as that um in my later life now, in that sense where I'm seeing all these behaviors and um, I know they say with age, like comes wisdom, but I do find it quite um shocking to still see, like at my age, like dealing with, even like men who are slightly older than me, to like see their attitude. Um, I guess obviously what we're just where we spoke about before, about the fact that if it's not in the norm for them, for people they just throw insults or whatever, but it's just like. It's very like silly to just think like wow, you're so you're growing, like you still don't have a respect, you know you, why can't people just be like you know what? Um, this is not for me, but you're a nice person, like I'm gonna keep it moving, or it's just so simple. Like why do you have to dig and make it more complicated? Like there is so many.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying it's right, right, but there are people out there that is giving their bodies and don't care, no-transcript, because you want the chase, but then you want to insult her like come on, man, just make it make sense and you know like, just remember, like you have sisters, you have cousins, you have or had a mom. You know, like, think different, the same with you know, not just speaking about men but women too. You know, think about yourself what you're putting out there. Giving your body, you know, to someone that does not putting out there, giving your body, you know, to someone that does not appreciate it. And you really see the true colors of someone when you choose to not give your body to them. You really do, because all of it is fake and they they are. And you'll give it to them and, trust me, they'll flip, they will switch. You know.
Speaker 1:I have a question for you actually to help the audience, because you touched on it. So for Christian people, right, who they're talking to somebody, they're in a relationship, they're being intimate because they think they're going to get married. So they're having a sexual relationship because they're like, yeah, do you know, one day I'm going to get married, what would you say to them that now, knowing what you know now, because obviously you've been intimate when you was in a serious relationship, so you might have some christians that see it as well, it's okay because I'm in a serious relationship. So, even though I know it's wrong, but we're going to get married and that might not happen because satan might be just fooling their mind- what would you say to?
Speaker 1:them. What advice would you give to them?
Speaker 2:well, you kind of just answered the question at the end when you said that might not happen, right? So that's the first thing. Um, because you can't guarantee, because you're both christian, that definitely you're going to get married, because you're also both human and you're also both thinking like once again we're back to that soul tie thing. You know you're tied to that person. And then what is going to happen? So if you see red flags in that, with that person, right, are you telling me that now you're still going to marry them? And you're seeing some major red flags, little or minor or major red flags, but you're still going to marry that person because you're both Christian and you're having sex.
Speaker 2:You know, I would say, first of all, stop it. Stop it right now. Cut that off, right, cut that off. Talk to the person. Say look, we're not doing the correct thing here. Person say look, we're not doing the correct thing here. I think we should stop having sex now. Trust me, whether that person is christian or not, you will see the true colors, because they might come and be like oh, but we've been doing it all the time and like did I mean?
Speaker 2:you see them flip? And like I said, christian or not, you? You see that character raise up in that person. Like really you know what? Before I even say stop it because it's not easy, because I'm just talking as if it's easy, pray about it. Ask Elohim for help to remove yourself from doing this act with this person. Now, if he says that and also asking for guidance, is this person for you? Should you even be with this person? Is this person of the right character, of the right spirit? You know, like really pray about it and ask him to help you to control yourself, control those urges, like remove yourself from having sex with a person now.
Speaker 1:It might not be easy, it might happen straight away today, but persist in prayer and when you feel that conviction from the holy spirit, listen, listen I also like to add don't put yourself in situations, yes, where you can be intimate, intimate um, because I remember back in the day you used to court somebody, what used to, where you can be intimate Intimate, yeah, because I remember back in the day you used to court somebody, but courting meant like you're seeing if that person is for you before you start dating. And the Irish community still do it, and I think that with our generation we feel like we're grown and that's okay. But it's not about being grown and being an adult. It's about preserving yourself for your king and your queen and if you know that you've got a high sex drive or you're going to slip or you're going to do double dates so do you know what we're going?
Speaker 1:to go here and if you don't, if, if you know that the home is too dangerous, don't, don't you, but you know yourself do you know it is dangerous.
Speaker 2:You should not be in closed environments with that person. Yeah, you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be in their house, your house, whoever's house, you should be in no bedroom, no hotel, just, let's just put it out there no closed environment that has a bed and anything, for you to be tempted because you are human.
Speaker 2:I cannot stress that enough. No matter how much you think you are strong, you're not when you're putting. That's why I was being honest before. I said I don't want to kiss and I really don't and I don't want to put myself in that position to kiss because you're human, you have to like. I don't remember that what that scripture is, because I'm power facing.
Speaker 1:I'll be coming to cinema with you. Yeah, okay, yeah, you have to do you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:No one's in the corner. Do you know what I mean? You?
Speaker 1:have to. We have to be our brother's keeper, and that's a biblical saying as well.
Speaker 2:You have to look this. Look. I watched a christian youtuber that she spoke about her and her husband. They didn't go on dates alone. They did group activities with their church friends, the youth and stuff. They didn't do anything alone they. If they spoke together, it was in a group because they knew they wanted to preserve themselves and they did.
Speaker 2:They didn't have sex with a phone call after a certain time oh that, oh yeah, see, now Cece taught me that right, because I was it. Did you say to me that you had a corporate where you didn't speak to a guy after nine o'clock?
Speaker 1:yeah, now.
Speaker 2:I'm struggling with that right because I still don't see the issue, if that makes sense, because of my situation of having a child and that might be the only time you're free, like it's tough, but I will say it's true, in the night time you're laying in bed and you feel comfortable.
Speaker 1:It's because I feel like satan is more like it's my time and the next minute. It's just like what are you wearing? The holy ghost, do you know what I mean? Like? And I always used to find that you could talk to. Well, that was my personal experience when I used to talk to guys during the day. They were fine, but then, after nine o'clock, what is this? Who are you?
Speaker 2:That is a good point, though, because it is true. It's like, like I said, if you're talking to each other in bed, you're relaxing especially if you're on video chat and you like the person on video chat. What?
Speaker 1:are you trying to show?
Speaker 2:put on your t-shirt, guys, you don't need to see your dress it's true, you know, I don't know what it is about a guy laying in bed. I've heard that a lot, you know. Guys in bed, they just have to be out and it's like he's not thinking of it because he don't have breasts, you know.
Speaker 2:But it it's a woman, you're attracted to seeing that yeah, it is a good point even me like to and you they might not be thinking nothing of it to even, like, take accountability for each other, like, yeah, babe, can you put a shirt on please? It's a bit much, yeah, I mean, you know. Like, just take account. Like we need to be more, and that's why I say like you need to be. I didn't say this specifically, but you need to be of equal yoke when it comes to a lot of your morals, so that you're able to be accountable for each other and support each other.
Speaker 1:And remember we're all on different journeys, because even if you're equally young, like somebody might say like oh, I don't, what's wrong Like I'm just is something wrong with me, yeah, yeah. So you pray for that person.
Speaker 2:Right, that's what I'm saying. But if you're trying to support that person, why not do it? Even if you don't see anything of it, still support them, even if you don't feel it's that deep and it doesn't affect you, it affects them, so be cautious be, unconscious of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that is deep though. Um, so the moral of the story is so like the synopsis of what we're saying. How far, is too far?
Speaker 2:everything, honey, everything, everything you know, I'm saying even, watch your eye contact, the way you're looking at her, the way she's looking at you. Nah, man, don't be looking at her like that. Don't be looking, don't be looking at him like that. Watch your eyes, honey, watch how you're moving your lips, and you know all of that. Um is something you, you need to, you need to think about, like I.
Speaker 2:I was listening to a couple the other day and they would talk about how they met and they also when they met each other, because they didn't live in. They didn't live near each other and in the same country, but they didn't live near each other. They're in the same country, but they didn't live near each other city-wise. And when they used to meet each other, they spent time, even though they were alone. They spent time talking about God. I think they did Bible studies together and they also were conscious about how close they sat next to each other. They said that they didn't sit close to each other. They kept a distance, they were very respectful of each other's space, they didn't get too close, they didn't do anything, they didn't kiss, did it do? You know what I mean?
Speaker 2:and now someone listening to this. I know it sounds traumatic.
Speaker 1:I know you're thinking, oh my god, it is doable because I was in a long distant relationship and whenever he used to come he knew we had a conversation. So don't wait, like I think it's. It's important to have that conversation firsthand, like when you realize that I like you, you like me. Okay, do you know what this? These are my morals. This is what I'm trying to work with, because that's.
Speaker 1:I actually said it to him. Like I said, I'm not having sex before marriage. No, hanky-panky, rare, rare, rare, rare. And this is why we got married, because he was the only guy that respected what I wanted. Yeah, even though it was hard for him, because he used to talk about it like you know what, like this is not what I'm used to, this is like abnormal. But because I have love for you.
Speaker 1:I get it and um and yeah like we used to this is like abnormal, but because I have love for you, I get it and um, and yeah, like we used to go out, well, we used to do a lot of group activities as well, right, um, but and then when I was, when he used to come to see me, like my mum is at home, or when I'm going to where he was staying, the family was always at home, so it wasn't like we were alone where anything could happen as I said I was.
Speaker 1:I was a strong person anyway. So it's kind of like when you and then your, your friends as well might see you differently like in our previous podcast that we was talking about they might chime in and be like, oh you're gonna get married anyway, or or even when you get that ring, it doesn't mean it's okay to start to start doing hanky-panky.
Speaker 2:You know, wait for the altar it's true, guys, and remember, let's bear that in mind as well. Remember, engagement is not biblical, right? So don't think that. Oh, you know, we engaged, that's it. Like we can do what, like you said, like what cece just said, do I mean? I just don't think it's okay. So I mean, really have your boundaries.
Speaker 2:But what I was trying to add to the fact of like it might sound dramatic, not just in regards to overseas relationship, everything we're saying in regards to resisting. It might sound dramatic like, oh, it's not that deep, oh, you know, no, it's just kissing, it's just touching. No, we are human, we have to, even we have to fight against our flesh. And you don't know yourself the way you think you know yourself. You will get into a situation like and I'm speaking from experience you say no, I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't do that, and you get caught in situations where you should not even be in. So that's why you have to take it to that dramatic level. That's why, when people see christianity as a religion of rules and you can't do anything with yourself, um, god gave us those quote-unquote rules because he knows, as humans, that we can't, we don't have to resist things. We think we can, but we can't. Come on now, think about the amount of times that you have said to yourself. Think about it now, guys, have a think about it. How many times have you said to yourself I'm not going to eat that cake today? And because you said it, it's on your mind, then you didn't just eat that cake, one slice of it, you ate half the cake. Do you know what I mean? So it's like that is just us as human beings, that's our nature. So you have to do the dramatic to not have the cake in the house, to not buy the cake, just so that you can resist not eating cake. Do you know what I mean? You have to do that and we have to have discipline on ourselves. It's not just for someone else to have discipline, it's not for someone to discipline you. You have to have discipline on yourself and call upon the holy spirit to help you. And you can do it. I'm telling you can do it. I am a testament, you can do it. I'm telling you I do it. I am a testament, you can do it. I'm telling you.
Speaker 2:I just saw a couple the other day, because I've always I've been, you know, like on my journey I've been. I've been, um, kind of coming across a lot of couples and seeing their journey and what they've done to feed my spirit and know that I can do it. And I came across a couple recently that didn't actually do courting or dating. They were friends and got married. Literally friends, got married. He proposed to her as a friend. They were just, that's literally it, and all that courting stuff and dating stuff they did within their marriage.
Speaker 2:And it wasn't easy because she, the wife, said that she had to go from looking him as a, not just a friend, but now like seeing him as a husband and like look at him in that sexual way and the romantic way and build that.
Speaker 2:And that took her two years actually, and the husband he was there, you know, you know found her attractive, whatever, and then he had to learn to be patient. But she said that she loved the fact that they were friends and they got to see all the dirty stuff that you would see of your friends, all the attitudes and everything that you would see of your friend. She got to see that so that she could choose whether she would want to marry him, firstly and secondly, she already knew what to expect. She could choose whether she would want to marry him, firstly and secondly, she already knew what to expect and they got past all of those, the negatives or the whatever you want to call it, those things that you get past. They didn't have to go through that in marriage. I'm not saying they don't have hardship, but all those things went away. They didn't have to deal with that. So they got to deal with the nice stuff and I love the idea of that.
Speaker 2:I really do. I actually love the idea of that of not dating and just being friends and just getting married, because then you get to enjoy that time with your spouse, not feeling guilty to kiss them, not feeling guilty to hug them. It sounds like it sounds really lovely. Um, it sounds lovely, I'm just saying it does kind of see the positive, but it is positive.
Speaker 1:No, no, no it is.
Speaker 2:I found it really beautiful.
Speaker 1:I've never heard of that before, so I just thought that was really powerful yeah, I think my last quote that I'm gonna leave you it's not even a quote my last tip that I will leave you with um from one of me and Shay's pastors that we like, from Michael B Kelly. Oh yes, he gave like a sermonette and he basically said and it's always stuck with me and it's just come up because I've forgotten all about it now because I'm married, but but it just when you were talking it came back to me and he said imagine yourself as a pie or a cake, your whole, and every time you give yourself to somebody, you're losing yourself for your husband. So by the time you meet your husband or your wife, how much cake is left, husband or your wife? How much cake is left? And now your husband or your wife is having to do or pick up the pieces.
Speaker 2:What?
Speaker 1:that man or that woman has done to you. Yeah, um, you know, whatever that may be, yeah and he said that's the importance of why you try to save yourself, because every relationship that you do and this is just not even penetration, this is like oral or foreplay as well, like dabbling, it's like you now bring that into your marriage. And masturbation, yeah. And masturbation too, yeah, yeah. So he was saying that be careful, try and redeem yourself as a whole cake.
Speaker 2:True, yes, mac will be Powerful and actually, guys, if you do ever want, like, he's a great pastor because he speaks a lot about relationships. He's actually one of the reasons why I step back into church. Um, I really like him as a pastor and he, he really breaks it down for you and gives you the realness of it. So check out Michael B Kelly on YouTube. I'm sure you'll find something on there that will just blow your mind. I'm telling you.
Speaker 1:So, shay, do you want to pray for those that are struggling, those that are not struggling but contemplating?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, sure, sure, guys, just cover my head honey.
Speaker 1:Cover, my cover my head.
Speaker 2:Okay, let's pray. Heavenly and holy father, we just want to thank you so much, lord, for this chance and this opportunity, lord, to come, come together and um to speak to our listeners about this subject. Lord in heaven, father God, thank you for helping us to be open and honest and unfiltered, and thank you, father Lord, for anyone that's listening to this podcast right now. Father Lord, thank you for their life and thank you for all that you're doing for them. Lord, father God, before I pray for any request, please forgive us for our sins and cleanse us of anything that we've done that does not please you, father Lord in heaven.
Speaker 2:I want to bring our listeners to you in prayer right now, lord in heaven, for anyone who is struggling through this path of Christianity and trying to abstain from sex or sexual acts or masturbation, or who's in a relationship and they don't feel comfortable doing anything sexual anymore, or they're not even convicted and they are being sexual.
Speaker 2:Lord I pray that you speak to each and every individual and meet them at their point of need. We know that you are our Father, that, even though we don't deserve it, lord, you will meet us at our point of need. Lord, you will help us, lord, and help them wherever they are at right now. Whatever they're struggling with right now, father, lord, please help them, lord, father, god in heaven, teach them, educate them, lord, may they be able to read your word or find a sermon, lord, that can help them, lord, through these struggles that they are facing. And, father God, we just pray, lord, that they're able to move forward, lord in heaven, and remove themselves away from these things. Father Lord and Father God, for them to have patience with themselves as they're going through this journey, because it's not easy, but, lord, once they're committed and focused, lord, on committing themselves to you, lord, and trying to abstain, father Lord, and keep their body for you, lord, and for the person that you have ordained for them, father Lord, they are doing a great job and so, father God, thank you once again for allowing us to be able to speak on this subject, and we just pray that they'll be blessed by whatever they've heard, that they have some type of takeaway from today and we just pray, father Lord, that you may please continue to help them on their Christian walk, with whatever else they're battling with, with whatever else they're going through. Please be with them and help them, father god, with any other hidden prayer requests lord within their hearts. You know what those are.
Speaker 2:Father lord, please help your children, please help your son, your daughter. Lord, with whatever they're facing, whatever they're going through. Father god, please continue to be with me and cc lord, as we continue to speak and tell our truth. Lord, and we just pray, lord, that we can represent you in the correct way, always, lord. Thank you, lord, for listening, thank you for your time. That there's anything in our stop in this person which you make, please be removed, and your blessed name as we pray, amen amen.
Speaker 1:Thank you, guys for tuning in and, most importantly, don't forget to share and spread the love so you can reach all over. And thank you for supporting and tuning in.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you bye, see you guys.