Unfiltered Christian Podcast
Welcome to "Unfiltered Christian," a podcast where faith meets authenticity. Join me as we share the raw and real experiences of our Christian journey, navigating the highs and lows of life. Through heartfelt testimonials and candid conversations, we'll explore the challenges and triumphs of living a life of faith. Whether you're struggling or soaring, this podcast aims to uplift, encourage, and remind you that you're never alone in your walk with Christ. Tune in for genuine insights, relatable stories, and a community of believers striving to grow together.
Unfiltered Christian Podcast
Ep 19 - A Mans Battle with Abstinence
This episode explores a candid conversation with Isaac, who discusses his journey to rediscovering faith and navigate the complexities around sexual purity. The dialogue tackles societal pressures, the importance of accountability, and the challenge for men to maintain their faith while confronting temptations.
• Isaac shares his background and initial experiences in faith
• The impact of personal loss on the journey to discovering truth
• Challenges of societal expectations regarding men and sexuality
• Importance of accountability in maintaining purity
• Practical advice for young men navigating peer pressure
• The need for open discussions about faith and sexuality
• Messages of hope and self-acceptance in God’s love
• Encouraging community support among men of faith
Thank you for Listening
To ask us a question email us @ unfilteredchristian1@gmail.com
Hey Saints, and welcome back to the Unfiltered Christian Podcast. Today we have a special guest called Isaac. So, isaac, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your background?
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure, so my name's Isaac, as Cece just mentioned, I guess I was born and raised in the church, but I didn't actually have a great relationship with the church growing up. I guess, like many people, I listened to what I was told, but I didn't really know God for myself. Later on in my adulthood I decided to come away and relearn Christianity for myself. I worked with young people, young adults. I've always had quite a passion for working with kids, so I used to be a teacher. Now I work as a youth worker. I'm into fitness and health. I do a lot of fitness related activities, whether it be personal training, martial arts, um, generally keeping fit, football, roller skating, dancing, etc.
Speaker 2:Um, and yeah I can roller skate yeah roller blade yes, I can do both.
Speaker 1:I prefer roller skating there oh I see you so you kind of touched on my second question a little bit. How did you come to know God, and what has that journey been like for you thus far?
Speaker 2:um so as I mentioned um.
Speaker 2:I used to just listen to what my parents told me and what the church told me in terms of um. I'm a Sunday Adventist Christian, so they would tell me X, y and Z, and then I'd just talk it as the gospel. But then, in other words, I started questioning certain things and people would just give me some flippant answers and I was like you're not even answering my questions, like I want my actual question answered. Please Let me understand this. And I guess essentially, I came to realize they didn't really ask the questions that were necessary to answer and to be able to answer my question, because they didn't even know the answer themselves. Um, let me come away from this so I came away from it um and yeah, like I said,
Speaker 2:I studied. I studied the bible for myself. I spoke to some um bible scholars. I spoke to some different people, um I I even spoke to some people of a different faith, um, some islamic people, not because I was moving my way, um, it's just, you know, I've got friends of all different backgrounds and we just shared. We, we just loved on each other and we shared about God and we shared about our struggles and we shared about different things and I realised that there's a lot of us, even though they're not Christian, or some might be Jewish, some might be Hindu, some might be even atheist, and we've all got similar struggles.
Speaker 2:We've all got similar struggles in life and our journey, but anyway, essentially what and my journey in life, but anyway, essentially what I've done is I unlearned? A lot of things that were taught to me, to study them for myself, and I just became, through the Bible, open-minded, really ready, and, yeah, questioned certain things, questioned certain facets. Some people were receptive, some people were defensive and, yeah, I then started to develop a greater, stronger bond with God, which is much more important than me claiming I'm a.
Speaker 1:Seventh-day Adventist Christian. Okay, I like that. Was it hard for you to unlearn because when you being in the faith by going by what your parents said and church it becomes routine. Was it hard for you to unlearn all those years?
Speaker 2:no, I wouldn't say it was hard for me simply because I'm a person that is very open-minded in general. So with me, although I might believe X, Y and Z, I'm open to the potentiality of there being another answer, Unless something is literally black and white. I'm always open to relearning something. So for me it was more of a mindset issue, To be honest. I'll be honest with you. I think a lot of people are similar to me. The difference between myself and them is that they're led by fear, the fear of the unknown. What does it mean if, Whereas I'm just like I don't care, I'd rather know the truth than continue living this pathological life?
Speaker 1:I hear that Were there any pivotal moments in your faith, in your? I can ask this question Were there any pivotal moments in your faith that deepened your relationship with God?
Speaker 2:Yes, many. The one that comes to mind, I think, where I really connected the most with God was lockdown. So, leading up to lockdown, I remember it happening on the Monday of March. My birthday was the Friday, the 27thth, and it happened on a Monday. I had so many things planned for my birthday and I was ready to go and live up life, I mean be outside. I was really outside but I was't know I was really outside. But I was ready for my birthday to be outside, Okay, In fact it ties into this topic that we're going to be speaking on.
Speaker 2:But yeah, so I had a few things planned and, yeah, that lockdown hit and I was like, oh, why, why, why my birthday, why can't I come Monday after?
Speaker 1:like I wanted to enjoy my lockdown was in February, you know, but I didn't know. It's for us it started in March.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was March for us. Um, so when it hit now, um, obviously, um, some people are still outside traveling, key workers, etc. But due to my mum's health, I went traveling, I stayed home and I was looking after my mum and making sure my mum's good and I weren't mixing and mingling with anyone, because my mum's extremely vulnerable based on her health. So I was literally dying to see my mom. So I was like, cool, cool, this isn't happening. I got a phone call. Well, my mom received a phone call saying that my cousin passed away. Now my cousin passed away due to COVID, but she was in that and she but she was in her early 50s. She was in her early 50s. I was like what's going on? How will they pay me next to COVID, when she literally stayed home?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But the part that hit me was I was planning to be out there in the streets, go to this woman, enjoy life with these women. Enjoy life. And I said my cousin is in her yard and her life was taken. I could be up here doing the most, and whether it be en route to going to do the most or on route coming from doing the most, I could have lost my life.
Speaker 2:I might. I probably would have repented in that moment, probably would have enjoyed my life and been like here, cool, but lo and behold, I could have died. Then, when she died and it hit me, I was like'm playing with fire. I literally am playing with fire here. What's going on? What really is going on? So, yeah, it was that situation that really woke me up.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I said, yeah, I need to get right, I need to start learning more about God. Maybe this was his sign to me to say wake up. Like, obviously I don't think he deliberately chose for my cousin to be the one who passed away, but there was someone close to me that really made me realize I'm playing with fire that tomorrow is not guaranteed literally, tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2:I'm planning for my future, like, say, I am the maker of my future, my plan, and lo and behold, yeah, it was that, that situation that made me just I'm still on stage and I need to get right. I'm not perfect. I'm not trying to claim that I've gotten right since then in totality, but I definitely grew a lot closer to God in that moment and amen for that amen.
Speaker 1:So we're gonna dive into our topic of discussion, and this is for the fandom. We're going to be talking about sex and um. The first question why do you think so many men find it challenging to abstain from sex until marriage?
Speaker 2:Oh, good question, and I don't know if I can answer this for all men, but I would say, generally speaking, it's in our nature. We are designed by God to procreate like it literally is on our nature. We are, we are the go-getters, we are the ones that go out to get um and we desire and we act on logic. Our logic is that we know, we desire this, we know that we want this, we know that it feels nice, even as a virgin, before you've even had sex. You know it's stuck in. That will feel nice, um, and naturally your eyes don't lie. You see what you like. All right. So you see a woman, nice curves, attractive, um, especially if you've already tasted it.
Speaker 2:If you've already tasted and you, if you've already tasted it and you know how good it feels, you know how enjoyable, you know how satisfying. Yeah, it's very hard. It's very hard to have to say because, at the end of the day, that's not your natural go-to. Your natural go-to is to procreate Once you hit puberty. Your natural go-to now is to procreate, is to desire it. It isn't to fast from it, it is the very opposite.
Speaker 2:The fasting from it, the abstaining from it, is a matter of discipline. But we're not trained to be disciplined. We're not trained by nature to be disciplined in that regard. We're trained by nature to be go-getters, to be providers, protectors, to go out, to seek, to go for what you want, for what you desire. From a young age. You're trained, it's innate in you, it's developed in you from what you do, whether you're going to play sports, whether you're going to learn education, whether you're going to learn education, whether you're going to protect, whether you're going to look after your body, whether it be through your friends, to go and be advancing in that. So there's different facets of how it can play a part in why, when it comes to sex now, why men naturally wish to abstain. Naturally it's not our nature do you know?
Speaker 1:it's so funny you're saying that because I don't, I'm gonna ask, I'm to ask you guys a question. But, like for women, it's kind of like you're taught to wait until you're married. Or for those who are non-religious, you're told to wait until you find somebody that values and respects you, and I guess what you're saying is that that's not taught to you guys. So it's kind of like how do you yeah, I never actually thought about that for you guys, wow, yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's kind of like how do you yeah, I never actually thought about that for you guys wow, yeah, it's not even with the thing you just mentioned when, like my sisters and stuff, it's always the ladies that are taught do not come home pregnant do not come home pregnant make sure you're not many have ever told that we're not only told do not because, number one, we're not the ones bringing the child home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this isn't me saying right or wrong, this is me just saying literally hey, actually, as parents, we can do better. We can tell the young boys, we can tell our sons be careful with what you're doing, even though you're not the one bringing the child home. Understand that your child is a product of you and your child is a product of their experience. So if you go and you start having sex, then you get a woman pregnant and you're not there as a father figure in that child's life.
Speaker 2:Number one that child is a very high probability of having a major detriment in their life because of you being an absent father, irrespective of how great or not the mother is. Social existence as a man is pivotal and there's not enough training, there's not enough education around that, from parenting to young boys. That's not me saying that young boys are the problem, because I don't think young boys are the problem, or even young adult males are the problem. I'm not saying that. I'm saying actually, as parents and adults, we can do a lot more and we can eliminate this taboo of not talking about sex in the church as well correct, correct.
Speaker 1:I have a side note question um, because it is a question that a lot of single mums do ask, and obviously their dad is not around, but you, and obviously this is just a general answer, because, number one, you're not a doctor and rete te, but I have a lot of um, how are you?
Speaker 1:no, I'm joking I have a lot of moms who have children that is the age of between five to six and their child is now getting erections and they don't know how to deal with it or what to tell them. Um, because they don't have a man to explain what is going on and it's kind of like don't touch it, leave it alone. What advice and what can you tell them for the for the single mums out there that are dealing with that alone?
Speaker 2:so the child's getting erections from the age of five, six yeah um, one thing I will say is that it's important to understand that you, as a parent, have the opportunity of being your child's first teacher.
Speaker 2:You, as a parent, being the child's first teacher, have the opportunity to deliver the lessons in the best way that you feel possible to their age. So if your child's six, you know how to speak to them. If your child's 13, you know how to speak to them. Rather than them getting educated by the outside world or by school. You be that teacher. So my first thing would be to every parent out there don't run away from that duty of parenting and teaching.
Speaker 2:Being a single mum okay, you don't know what it feels like to have an erection, but you know what it is. Let your child know that this is part of their life as they get older. It's the same thing that a mum a single mum will talk to a daughter about periods and about discharge and about all the bodily fluids and functions of a woman. Why can't you do that with a son? Just because you do not have a penis doesn't mean that you can't speak on it. You might not be able to say how it feels, but you know what it's there for. You know what it does. So at the end of the day, I feel confident enough. Do some research on it, read up on it, go to the GP, go to a doctor, go to a professional a medical professional.
Speaker 2:speak to your brothers, speak to the child's uncles, speak to the granddad around. Speak to the granddad. If you do not feel comfortable as a woman, speak to a male figure who is family or, like I said, a GP, and there's many ways in which you can, you know, deliver that knowledge. I do think, though, it would be nicer coming from the actual parents. In this case, we're talking about single mothers, so I think it would be nicer coming from the single mom, irrespective of the fact that she is a woman. So deliver the knowledge to your child, to your son, and let him know what your function is in a child-appropriate manner.
Speaker 1:Do you know what it is? I think for us and I'm not speaking for all women but it's kind of like when you see that women, but it's kind of like when you see that we didn't know about that until you became, like, sexually active, or when you're learning about it. So when, when you see your child have it, even though you know it's natural and there's nothing sexual going on, it's kind of like, oh, like, how do you address this? Because our mind just knows it in one way. Do you know what I mean? Where it's just a natural thing happening.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying. Do your research on it, read up on it, even though, yes, it is natural, but it's also not only natural, it's also very healthy. It's actually very healthy. It's healthier that a child is waking up with an erection every morning, for instance.
Speaker 1:It's actually very healthy.
Speaker 2:It means your blood flow is very good, very strong. So you know.
Speaker 2:I mean obviously you're not going to get into this scientific detail with a six-year-old no, you're not. But at the end of the day, you knowing that and you being able to relay as much information concisely across to that young child it's every person for it and then you'll probably be more comfortable hearing it coming from a parent, like a six-year-old boy. I can only imagine when I was six, although I had my mum and dad both around if I had my mum telling me that information, I'd be a lot more comfortable and more relaxed hearing it from my mother than hearing it from a GP or even hearing it from someone else, even if it's family. Still be more comfortable for my mum, if not my dad, like that's not a reason, but hearing it from my mum, 100%, I'm being more comfortable.
Speaker 1:Thank you for that. So back to our topic um. How do societal pressures and cultural normsluence men's decisions regarding sexual purity?
Speaker 2:Cultural pressures, societal norms Well, cultural pressures. We know that, as a man, you're praised when you're out there doing the most you know, in a sense, you're praised.
Speaker 1:But you are encouraged to.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. People agree or disagree, essentially for praise. But you hope you're encouraged to Absolutely People agree or disagree. That it's not the same. That's not the point of the topic here. The point of the topic is men are encouraged to, we're praised for it, we're seen as kings when we do it.
Speaker 2:Some men, the young how you speak are not the other men. If you write some men, the young. How you speak are the younger men. Some men, if you write some men are looked at left like what, what you still heard. You and some men are actually appraised. I know, I respect that. I respect that, so it's a red one. I think, um cultural pressures is something that everyone navigates.
Speaker 2:Some people come out the other side very strong and they've withstood any of the cultural pressures. And then you get the societal norms which tie into the cultural pressures. Society again. Society depicts men to again be the go-getters, to be experienced in this. Even if you've never had sex before and you have sex for the first time, we're supposed to know what we're doing. Like that is like why should I know what I'm doing? Like I've never been taught this, I've. There's no, there's not manual. Not every woman's the same. Every woman's not going. Well, I've done one, you know, in my head with this woman. I'm not trying to bring this to reality. It may not work because actually, despite what I've done with this woman in my head, or even if I've watched them you know adult movies it just isn't real, do you know?
Speaker 1:what I'm laughing while you said that, because where do we get that from? Yeah, you're a man. You're meant to know. You're meant to know what you're doing. It's right.
Speaker 2:You tell me I'm the man, you're the woman. I don't know. Why do you want to get that from me? I'm asking the, a person like you why do you want to get it from me?
Speaker 1:Because, as you said, the society norms that a man knows everything to a certain extent. So it's kind of like because he's meant to be the dominant one, he must know what he's doing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think people get confused with dominance and experience and knowledge. Like you can be dominant naturally or you can learn how to become dominant, but you can still be a novice in this area, like it's something that's new to you. There are many men that are very, very confused when they process it.
Speaker 2:Not only are they confused, but they're scared, they're anxious, they're nervous. They don't know if this is supposed to feel right. They don't know if they're doing it right. They don't know. So many things are going through their heads. It's only afterwards, when you become a little bit or a lot more experienced, that you're like oh, I've got this in the bag In your head, or you genuinely do have this in a bag, you know, and you start to realise okay, this is what works for me, cool, what works for her. And then, yeah, I guess, if you become more open to conversing about it, you can speak to people who are also like-minded, open to conversing about it. You can speak to people who are also like-minded, open, and then cultural pressures actually dim, so social norms don't affect you as much and you're not as captivated by these two huge impacting influences. You become your own person.
Speaker 2:I remember growing up I was pretty late in losing my virginity and I was okay with that. I knew I didn't want to be that guy who just went out and done it with any and any chick.
Speaker 2:just because I always did, I was content with holding myself down. And then, when I eventually did start with it, I was like whoa great, it's amazing. But yeah, I didn't allow the influences of society or culture to depict what choices I was going to make. Yeah, but I've always been pretty headstrong when it comes to making my own decisions for myself and not being led that's good.
Speaker 1:Um, what advice would you give to young boys in school dealing with peer pressure to have sex?
Speaker 2:okay. The advice I'll give to young girls in school is don't succumb to the pressure. I know it's easier said than done and I know you may be teased. I know you may be, you know, taunted, but be content with your own decision. If there's someone that you can trust and you can go to for advice, go to them, lean on them for their wisdom.
Speaker 2:I will never forget the day, um, when I was teaching um in my secondary school that I used to teach at, and a group of yellow boys came up to me. I was on duty in I used to have a break or lunch, I can't remember, but I was on duty on the front course and a group of maybe nine kids, nine boys all came up to me and you know, boys will be boys. Some of them like I'll take you in in a fight. I'll take you in in a fight, and it's always expecting the same topic and I was like okay, there we go, where is it guys, where is it?
Speaker 2:and I was like now, so can we have a honest conversation there? All right, of course always. And then I was like all right, so I can we have an honest conversation here? I was like, of course, always. And then I was like all right, so I don't know if I'm going to get in trouble, but I hope I can just say this to you. I was like you know what the fact that you're even asking my way is? You won't get in trouble. If it's something inappropriate, I will say to you that I won't answer, and at that point you respect it and we move on. You're like cool.
Speaker 2:So, Sarah, I'm planning to go to uni after college. I'm a virgin and I want to remain a virgin.
Speaker 1:Do you know?
Speaker 2:how taken aback I was yeah. How privileged I felt, knowing that the young adult males, the young adult males, these young boys, men, in the making, came up to me and trusted me enough to talk to me about them.
Speaker 1:I was just blown away. I was just like wow.
Speaker 2:Literally I said you know what I want? Mad respect and love for you lot. And then I said cool.
Speaker 1:That's not going to happen, you're going to be tempted.
Speaker 2:You're in adolescent years, puberty. You're going to be tempted, naturally, by your own bodies. Yeah, even women, because that's what people need to understand. People think the women are tempting us more, so we're tempting ourselves the hormones are going on in our bodies. Our temptation is enough. Women are involved on it we're already tempted.
Speaker 2:I said this to them. I said you're already going to be experiencing whether you're already masturbating or not, you're going to be experiencing the desire. Then you're going to be trying to challenge and channel that energy and say no, or okay, cool, I'll come to it.
Speaker 1:And then you're going to be like cool, where do I stay?
Speaker 2:And I'll say to them I'm not telling you to not have a girlfriend, I can't. I'm not telling you to not talk to women, I can't. What I'm saying is, if you know full well that you do not want to engage in this activity, then whatever you need to do to distract yourself is going to be your best friend. Whether that be go and separate yourself, whether that be fasting, whether that be praying, whether that be socializing in massive groups, whether that be just sticking to your home, it doesn't. Whatever it is, you need to do what's practical. So that's what I would say to the young boys. Same advice I would say if you want to abstain, do something that's practical to keep yourself away, man, but speak to someone. Speak to someone that you trust.
Speaker 1:I like that. It must have been a proud moment as well, it definitely was these answers are not just to young men, men in general, as long as you're a male depending where you are in your life. It's just the way how I worded it. But you know, the holy spirit spoke to me, so it's not it's for it's it's for males and any women listening, you can pass on um. How can young men slash men, stand firm in their faith and values, especially when they feel alone in their convictions, in their faith and values?
Speaker 2:especially when they feel alone in their convictions. Firstly, I would say remember that you are human and by that you are a sinner and God loves you. So, regardless of any backsliding or any conviction you feel you're making wrong, don't beat yourself up for it.
Speaker 2:Just turn to God and continue to consult with God. Have that conversation with God. Don't worry about what other people are going to say. Don't worry about how other people are judging you. Most importantly, don't worry about how you're judging yourself, because, again, people forget. We are our own worst critics. We literally judge ourselves the most. But yeah, stand strong. How can you stand strong in your faith? If you just stay determined, I guess would be my answer. Stay determined, have a goal, and it's only an time-oriented goal. Just have a goal to say I'm going to do this and fixate your mind on doing it. Fixate your mind on doing it. I believe that genuinely, if you want to do anything in this world, you'll do it. You'll do it. Once you want to do it, you'll do it. You just need to stay strong mentally and then you're good.
Speaker 1:You know you're answering all my questions because you're tying everything, but it's okay, I will still ask. Sorry, sorry, sorry okay for men who feel like they've failed god by giving into temptation, whether that be by masturbation or actually having sex. Um, how would you? Or even just watching porn or thinking about it because all of these things are all linked some way or another um, how would you encourage them to move forward?
Speaker 1:well let's move it down. So how would you move forward with if you're addicted to porn? How would you move forward if you're constantly masturbation masturbating, sorry and if you're having sex?
Speaker 2:or even or even foreplay so, like I've already said I think part of my answer was already given um, not to beat yourself up, go back to god, repent, speak to god, learn the Bible for yourself. Learn what the Bible actually says about sex and if it actually talks about certain things that we've maybe been taught that it does talk about. That's something else that I've done.
Speaker 2:I actually went and studied it and tried to understand where do certain things come from, and all the rest of it. But if you've got an addiction, now this is where, again, I am not a doctor, I'm not going to profess as though I'm perfect or as if I know all the answers. But if you've got an addiction, I think number one, the first and foremost thing that you need to understand, is acknowledgement of said addiction. If you're in the know that you're not addicted to very many sex, masturbation, pornography then you're never going to overcome it. That's just, first and foremost, and that's with any addiction pretty much. You need to acknowledge that's even there. That's even there.
Speaker 2:Once you do acknowledge that you have got this problem and you identify it as a problem, as something that you do want to overcome at least I think then you can start doing the groundwork to overcome. So you've got this addiction. What's stemming it? What's the triggers for it? Why are you doing it? What's encouraging you? So I'll be a bit personal for myself. There was a time in my life where, rather than going out to have sex with women, I would engage in masturbation. Why? Because it would deter me from going out to have sex.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It literally curved the desire. So I said I'd rather do that and not go to check anyone as a single man, than not do it and check this woman, that woman, her, as a single man. I just said no, I don't want to know.
Speaker 2:And it literally said that's what I was doing. I was doing that for a long time and it worked. It absolutely worked. Once I finished myself, I was good, I was relaxed, I was okay. Now, that's not a method that I would necessarily advise other people to do, because I then fell into a point where I wouldn't say I was addicted to it, but I was content and I was happy with that and it was something that it wasn't an addiction, but it became a pattern and I wasn't overcoming any desire to not do something.
Speaker 2:I was just masking it with something else. So I then had to seek out okay, now, how do I overcome this? Now, because I've just turned one issue into another issue.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:How do I overcome this For me? Honestly, in my life I've abstained three times. Three times, and two of those times were in a relationship. Uh, where, bearing in mind, in those relationships. I was already sexually active and then I decided no, I think we should stop having it, and I abstained um.
Speaker 1:Was it hard to abst?
Speaker 2:hard actually. So one time was for two years. We were together for I think six years in total. Was that one hard? I wouldn't say it was hard. No, I also knew I wasn't really wanting to be a pro anymore anyway, so it kind of made it easier, Okay, yeah. And then another time which I was with her for longer, and that was for two and a half years.
Speaker 2:And that time I did want to stay with her, and that time I did want to stay with her and and abstaining wasn't hard, but there's a irony to this for me. So we were, she was living with me, we would sleep together in the same bed, we even showered together, we were abstaining and nothing was happening, happening literally nothing, right, public?
Speaker 1:announcement not advising this, by the way.
Speaker 2:He's just giving his experience, literally speaking in my own personal experience and because it was a weird one, because the irony for me was when she wasn't in my house it was harder. So I was saying, the desire to not do anything was stronger and I was like, well, when she was next to me, presence alone was enough. When she was next to me, presence alone was enough. But when she wasn't next to me, the absence of her made me either want to find her sexual or masturbate, which was very weird to me.
Speaker 2:Now again, I will say after this statement. I'm not trying to say to any listeners go and do that for yourselves. No, I'm just speaking of my own personal experience and how somehow it works for me. It's not something that I would, you know, go out to try and do right now if I'm single right now. But let's say, if I go in a relationship, I'm not going to actively say to the woman, oh, come live with me, oh, let's have sex. No, it literally just happened, authentically, naturally, and somehow it worked. By another time I was single and I was abstaining, and I abstained for a year and again, it wasn't hard. It wasn't hard. I was studying. I was studying the Bible as well. So studying, that's in education, um, academia, and then studying the bible. I was having great conversations around all sorts of things. So not just sex, um, from a biblical standpoint, I was studying the bible, studying different things like forgiveness, like patience love, freaks of the Spirit, you name it.
Speaker 2:I didn't want to say Freaks of the Spirit, because it wasn't all of them and it wasn't even planned. It wasn't even planned. It was some of those things. But yeah, we were studying different things, studying characters, estella, jacob, you name it. I was always preoccupied. I was always preoccupied and I was always attentive to something greater than myself.
Speaker 1:Would, you ever say that praying to help you abstain and to not go back has helped I'm not going to abstain and not go back at all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would. I would, um. And if any listeners are wondering why I was a hesitant to answer, it's because because a lot of the times, I don't want to get caught with this ideology of praying is the answer, because you can pray but you may not even be convicted in your prayer, and that's why. I was hesitant to answer because I know in the past, I've prayed. I've actually just prayed to tick a box. I've not actually been praying because I genuinely wanted the outcome, In fact.
Speaker 1:I wanted the very opposite outcome.
Speaker 2:I was praying anyway, because that's, quote, unquote, my thing to do.
Speaker 1:Can we click for that? Can we click for that Because you know what. You've knocked a nail on the head, which is prayer comes with actions. But you also need to be convicted, and that's deep, 100%, 100%.
Speaker 2:Again.
Speaker 1:People say oh, prayer's powerful, I mean controversially.
Speaker 2:I don't necessarily say prayer's powerful. I say prayer is in the prayer which is God, god.
Speaker 1:Prayer is in the number.
Speaker 2:I can pray to my laptop, like what? It's not good. Is it powerful? No, because God doesn't want to be in prayer. God's the powerful one.
Speaker 2:So prayer in and of itself isn't powerful. There's people that pray to witches. They're witches, they're like I don't necessarily conform to. Prayer is powerful, I don't conform to. There's power in prayer which is God. God is the power right. So you've got to be convicted, You've got to believe, You've got to be determined and dedicated to what you're praying for and praying about. That's what I would definitely say yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, so rolling on to my next question what role does accountability play in helping men stay strong in their commitment to purity?
Speaker 2:I think accountability is. You have to be accountable. If you're not, you're only fooling yourself and then eventually you're going to be fooling the next victim who you're pretending to be, like let let's keep this real.
Speaker 2:You're actually saying to someone oh, you know deep down, that's not your motive. Your motive is, like one thing about myself I've been very transparent and honest with women. If I'm not there, where they've said, oh, I'm staying in for marriage, and I've been like listen, I respect that highly. I'm not in the same place with you right now, like I'm not actually looking the same, it doesn't mean that I'm trying to have sex with her, it just means I'm just not in that place. And that's one thing. I think men, women all need to be accountable. But for this point that you're asking, men all need to be accountable.
Speaker 2:But for this point that you're asking men yeah, just be accountable. Be accountable, know what you're doing, know where you're at, know what you're trying to achieve. If you're struggling with any of those things, be accountable to yourself first and foremost and take that to God and, you know, have a conversation with God.
Speaker 1:You know, write things down journal it.
Speaker 2:See if there's triggers, see if there's patterns, see if there's something that you can do to alleviate the stress in different ways. Get active. A big issue, not issue a big natural cause is our testosterone levels. Exert that into the things. You know, get there, go do something physical. Go to the gym better yourself, you know yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1:Um how can men identify and break cycles of sin they keep falling back into?
Speaker 2:uh, again falls into the same question of accountability.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's what I'm saying. You keep answering my questions at the end.
Speaker 2:You just need to be accountable. Really, you need to be accountable and self-reflective. If you're able to reflect on what you're doing and what you've gone through, what you've achieved, what you're struggling with, I think ultimately you'll be able to then say okay, cool, this is how I can break this this is my trigger?
Speaker 2:okay, it's when I'm alone, or it's when it gets to this point, or oh, it's when I've met from this year in my day. So now I need to, I need to go for a run, I need to go for a jog, I need to, I don't know. Some people say shower. I mean, that never worked for me. That's a myth. But like to each their own. Everyone's got different things that you know trigger them. Everyone's got different things that alleviate them. Find something new. Also, don't listen to even myself. Don't listen to my advice. My advice works for me. Don't listen to my advice as if it's the gospel. Is what I'm saying? Go out and learn for yourself. Speak to others. See what their method might help you. Something they're saying might actually make you backtrack and it might be like oh no, no, no, no. I can't take this man's advice and that's absolutely fine. Learn from someone else. Learn it from yourself. Don't even go somewhere, just learn yourself. Ultimately, that's the point here learn yourself.
Speaker 1:Learn what works for you my next question is what practical steps can you say or encourage men that they are young kings and you too have a worth? It doesn't mean you don't have to go around and sleep with every girl If you want to just wait, just wait. What can you say? The same way, how women are taught that value yourself, put yourself on a high pedestal. How could you encourage men that you are a king?
Speaker 2:high pedestal. How could you encourage men that you, you know you are a king. Um well, first and foremost, I think the main thing to be here is love yourself, love who you are. That doesn't mean be arrogant. It doesn't mean, you know, be self-centered. It means look after yourself, irrespective of society and you know, even cultural norms raising us like kings.
Speaker 2:If we do go around and sleep with X amount of women, be careful, because there are diseases out here and some of these diseases are lifelong. Some of these diseases, if you read up on your knowledge, aren't ones that, whether they're lifelong or not, aren't ones that you're going to be comfortable with, you know. So it's not just about being able to tick boxes and say, yeah, I'm the man. It's about looking after yourself. Hygiene is important, you know. If you are sexually active, go get yourself tested. Go get yourself. You owe it to yourself, you owe it to your next partner. Go get yourself tested. But I would say, you know, just believe in who you are and understand what it is that you're doing and why you're doing it.
Speaker 2:At the end of the day, no one's going to know what you're going to do, except for yourself and the person you're doing it with or the people you're going to do. Except for yourself and the person you're dealing with or the people you're dealing with. People will judge you, but don't worry about people judging you, because we're all guilty out here Like none of us are guilty.
Speaker 1:So don't worry about the ones judging you.
Speaker 2:Judge yourself and look back on yourself and say are you happy with what you're doing? If a woman sorry, if your daughter were to look at you as her father and know what you're doing, would she be okay? Would you be okay with the way that you treat women if your daughter was treated that way? You know? And then certain things even if you continue like let's call a spade a spade, I'm not expecting no man to the fuck. But if you do continue sleeping around or whatever the manner in which you might do it, ie you might have initially even blindsided, but now you might be a lot more transparent and say, hey, I don't want any relationship from you, you're not going to lead them on. They can make their own choices.
Speaker 2:I don't think there's an answer that I can give, which is who can perfect? I think, again, it's something that's about self reflection and accountability and understanding why you're doing it and the potential domino effect it may cause or have and a ripple effect it may have, not only on yourself but on the individuals that you're mixing with. And if it's something that you can live with, then hey.
Speaker 1:How can men support each other in their walk with God, especially when it comes to purity?
Speaker 2:okay, okay I know, I know men generally feel a lot safer with other men. Um, talking to other men and opening up with other men it's not in totality, because there are still men that still feel afraid to do so because, you know, of being ashamed, of being looked at as weak. But generally when we come together as men, the bond, the brotherhood, the connection, it's mad. The energy is crazy, it's good, it's strong and.
Speaker 2:I would encourage men go out there, speak Again. Go to the church, the church that I go to, the church that I attend. One of the main reasons why I gravitate to it and it's nowhere near my house. It's over an hour away, both going to and coming from.
Speaker 2:But the reason why I go there is simply because of that togetherness, that openness, that bravado where the men and it's also the women, to be fair, but I'm talking about the men, the men we come together, we're transparent with each other, we're open, we connect. There's none of this. Oh, let's be pretentious. I mean, there's been points where certain people have come into the church and been pretentious oh, I never kissed my wife until I married her. Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, Okay, Cool, and people might say it might be the truth. It might be the truth, but you still have a temptation. Can we keep this real? Can you just keep this real? That's right. All this acting as though you know you're perfect.
Speaker 1:It's not going to help any of us because we are perfect.
Speaker 2:I mean, we're coming from a place of perfection. We're coming from a place of imperfection.
Speaker 1:So when we?
Speaker 2:see that you know, what you, who is pastor, you who is head elder, head deacon, you who has been coming to this church for many years, are still just as human as they are. There's more of a connection, there's more of a comfort of you know what you, who I look up to, are struggling just like I am. I see myself in you. I'm more connected, and the church that I go to that's what happens. There's a lot of transparency, a lot of honesty so.
Speaker 2:I'd advise men, find a place where you can be transparent, where you can be open, where you can be vulnerable with other men, and I'm pretty sure that they'd appreciate it.
Speaker 1:As you like, to take my next questions and answer it even though you didn't do it this time, but you brought in that's my next question do you believe the church is doing enough to address these challenges for men?
Speaker 2:No, no, not at all not at all. Again, the topic is taboo. I think there's been times where churches have started programs talking on it.
Speaker 2:But again even those programs aren't always authentic. They're very mechanical, they're very too often too structured. We can't be open, we can't be honest, we can't say, oh, I'm just whiny, it's a sin. That's not. It's not a sin. It's not a sin to say I'm whiny. It's not a sin to say that I'm roasting. It's not a sin to say do you know what? I've come to church to look for a woman who I'm attracted to. I've come to church to look for a man who I'm attracted to where have they?
Speaker 2:come to find them in the church, but I believe in God and they believe in God. We may not be totally equally yoked, but at least there's a starting point, a foundation. I don't think the church is doing enough. I think often we focus on things that are comfortable for us. So we'll talk and we'll preach about, you know, the second coming of Christ. We'll talk and we'll preach about, you know the second coming of Christ. We'll talk and we'll preach about David and Goliath. We'll talk and preach about Noah. We'll talk and preach about, you know, esther, or you name it Like. You name the character, you name the parable, you name the story, you name whatever you want to name. We'll talk and preach about it. But topics that we're struggling with day in, day out mental health. But topics that we're struggling with day in, day out mental health, temptation, addiction, anything where adultery, adultery, anything where it's like don't make the church look bad.
Speaker 2:We don't, we don't make the church look bad.
Speaker 1:We don't, we don't, we need to it's true, it is true there is no love. That's what's missing.
Speaker 1:It's just straight whipping yeah yeah, real talk and I think that's that is what's missing, rather than I don't know like for you with, as your situation is completely different, but if a young person came and said they're struggling with this, like you're able to tell them out of love what is wrong, what is right, how to um navigate it, rather than I feel like the church is kind of like you shouldn't be doing that, like what are you doing, rather than, as you said, you know, the Lord created sex, love, intimacy.
Speaker 1:It's not wrong, but there is a correct way of how it's meant to go, which is in marriage. Yeah, I've learned a lot, you know, just listening to this. It's really made me open my eyes because I have put a lot of like pressure on men, if that makes sense without me even realising. Yeah, so next question how has your own faith helped you navigate challenges in this area? Um?
Speaker 2:good question. Um, I don't think faith has helped me, because I believe in god and god is my judge. I believe in God and God is my judge.
Speaker 2:I do not care about who knows who I am. I do not care about who judges me. I'm not fearful, I'm not frightened, I'm not bothered. I don't say the things I say to offend. I don't say the things I say to lead anyone else astray. I don't share my testimonies or my struggles or my victories so that the next person goes through the exact same thing. I share it because it's the truth, it's my truth.
Speaker 1:Oh, you do share your testimonies.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely I do. Even now, I'm talking anonymously and I'm sharing it here.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be listening.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure people are listening in who know me or even know my voice. They've seen my name and they'll know what I'm referring to when I said certain things about the church.
Speaker 2:They'll know, who I am. I've got nothing to hide. I've got no problems because, at the end of the day, I know I'm accountable to myself and God and regardless of who I put a smudge screen over, god himself knows and sees everything, so I don't need to wear makeup. I came to a point a long time in my life where I said why am I wearing makeup? Because once I walk all the way, the truth will always be revealed anyway. And even though I'm putting on this facade to Cece, god still sees the truth and knows the truth.
Speaker 2:So why not just be honest from the get-go? Yeah, that's the way I choose to live my life. And I'm not saying everyone should do that, because I also know that sometimes there is a backlash, um, and not everyone can handle the backlash. Like if someone was to now come back and say to to me if they see me, oh, you should have said x or oh, I don't believe in what you said, I'd be okay with dealing with that and I'll say listen, I've made it clear in my disclaimers. I'm not telling any listener to do what I've done. I'm not telling any listener to go about blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be honest.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to be afraid to share the truth that I've gone through a lot of things, your truth struggle. Yeah, I think personally. So, yeah, I'm okay. So I would say, you know, just be connected with God and be concerned first and foremost with your relationship with God. That's what I would say, that's what matters in my opinion, you and God. What I would say, that's what matters in my opinion, you and God.
Speaker 1:My last question, which you just answered mad is what message of hope or encouragement would you like to share with men who are struggling to live God's standards?
Speaker 2:um, I would say, irrespective of what you think of yourself and what others may think of you, just know that you was chosen by God. He's chosen us, he's chosen you. You have a purpose At the end of the day. God ended this world by a flood. He ended the world because of sin, ended the world because of sin.
Speaker 2:I wasn't alive back then, but the way of what I've seen the world go through and the things that we do in this world today, I would argue that there's probably a lot more sin and horrible things going on today, in this day and age, that go against God's plan, more so than yesterday, from the Bible days, and it's just that he's promised us that he ain't going to end the world in the same way again, like that.
Speaker 2:Otherwise I think, yeah, there probably would have been another flood to get rid of all of this nonsense. I share that to say you are still here, you still have a chance, you still have a chance to get it right. You know, irrespective of all the atrocities that are happening, you're still here, we're still here, I'm still here. Yes, there are things that I willingly do and I believe, okay, I probably shouldn't do it and I still do it anyway.
Speaker 2:And, yes, there are times I take things for granted, absolutely, and I shouldn't be doing that, but one thing, I do know is that I am loved and that God favors me and even though I don't deserve it, even though you don't deserve it. Even though any listener you don't deserve it. Even though you don't deserve it, cece, even though any listener you don't deserve it. You've still got another chance. So the encouragement I'd offer to all of you listening, all you young men, all you men that are listening in just focus on God and focus on what you're convicted to do, because you'll be judged by your convictions.
Speaker 1:Anything else you would like to add before we close?
Speaker 2:No, no, no. I've enjoyed it. I've enjoyed your questions. I've enjoyed spending this time with you, so thank you very much. It's been an eye opener for myself as well.
Speaker 1:I thoroughly enjoyed this conversation and he'll be back because I've got another question to ask him for another episode, so this won't be the last you'll hear his voice. But thank you so much for coming on our panel and thank you, guys for listening thank you.