Unfiltered Christian Podcast

Ep 25 - Both Sides of Grief

• CeCe & Shay • Episode 25

Share episode

Send us a text

Grief strikes without warning, respecting no schedules or expectations. One moment you're functioning, the next you're struggling to breathe – yet somehow the world expects you to keep moving forward as if nothing has changed.

This deeply personal episode explores both sides of the grief journey – what it means to be grieving and what it means to support someone through their grief. Drawing from my own recent loss and ongoing journey after my sister's passing in March, I share the challenging reality of grief's timeline not aligning with society's expectations. When breathing feels like work and the simplest tasks become mountains to climb, the disconnect between your internal reality and external expectations creates an impossible burden.

Scripture offers us wisdom through passages like Ecclesiastes 3:4 which reminds us that Yahuwah allows time for mourning. This divine permission stands in stark contrast to a world that often seems impatient with grief, expecting quick "recovery" and consistent behavior. But grief changes us. It shifts our personalities, disrupts our focus, and transforms our responses – all perfectly natural reactions to profound loss.

For those supporting grievers, presence trumps perfection. Sometimes a simple "I'm thinking of you" message or sitting in comfortable silence communicates more love than attempted solutions or platitudes. Your grace during a griever's inconsistent days – when they might seem fine one moment and shut down the next – creates sacred space for healing. As Romans 12:15 guides us, "Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep," even when you don't fully understand their pain.

Remember that grief isn't something to "get over" – it's something to get through. The tears that come years later when hearing a song or remembering a birthday aren't signs of regression; they're testaments to love that continues beyond death. In our shared vulnerability, we can hold onto the promise of Revelation 21:4, that one day every tear will be wiped away. Until then, we carry each other with gentleness, extending grace in both directions.

If you're grieving today, know that you're seen, you're held, and you're not alone. Your inconsistency is welcome here.

Support the show

Thank you for Listening

To ask us a question email us @ unfilteredchristian1@gmail.com

Speaker 1:

Shalom Saints and welcome back to the Unfiltered Christian Podcast. This is Cece. I'm talking alone today. I've been talking with other grievers and I realised a common pattern and I wanted to talk about it, as it's something that's been heavy on my heart, something that I know many of us go through or are dealing with quietly, daily, deeply or ad hocly, and that is grief. This episode we'll be talking about both sides of grief. My sister passed away on the 1st of March and here we are in July and she still hasn't been buried. Hopefully we can bury her soon. I ask for your prayers and, with that being said, now my uncle's in a critical condition.

Speaker 1:

It's a strange, painful limbo. You are grieving, but the world expects you to keep on moving like nothing has happened or changed, on moving like nothing has happened or changed. But everything has changed for the individual who has lost a loved one or is losing a loved one and I want to talk about that what it means to grieve, what it means to be around somebody who is grieving. Grief doesn't come with a schedule, it doesn't follow a calendar, it doesn't respect work shifts, deadlines or daily chores. Grief, unfortunately, doesn't care. It shows up without an invitation. Sometimes you feel it instantly. Sometimes it creeps up on you many years later like a wave you didn't see coming. And it's okay, they are both valid, whether you grieve the year that it's happened, or six, ten years, nine years later it hits you like a lightning. It is okay, they are both valid. It is okay, they are both valid. Ecclesiastes 3, verses 4, says A time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. Let that remind us that Yahuwah allows time for sorrow and we need to allow ourselves and others that time too. Let's talk about it from the heart of a griever. When you're grieving, some days, just getting out of bed feels like too much. Even breathing feels like work. But what makes it harder is when the world expects you to function like nothing has changed. People around you expect consistency. They expect your personality, your output, your response to remain the same. But you're not the same. Something in you have shifted.

Speaker 1:

Whether you've lost a parent, a partner, a sibling, a friend, a mentor or even a pet, grief is grief and it deserves grace. Sometimes the pain is so heavy that you don't even realise you are not yourself. I remember when my aunt was in the coma and it was very touch and go and I couldn't focus properly. I was making all kinds of mistakes at work. Honestly, I wasn't even aware of them. But people around me were smiling in my face but yet complaining to my manager. But my manager knew me. Instead of reacting, she pulled me aside. She just said what's going on, cece, and I told her. I let it all out, and she didn't add to my load, she lightened it until I was able to pick myself back up. That kind of grace sticks with you because when somebody sees your pain instead of your performance, that's love in action.

Speaker 1:

If you know someone, a family member, a friend, your partner, and they suddenly start acting off, check in first, ask are you OK, can I do anything to help? And please be aware that they might say no because they're wearing a mask. But just check in before letting your own feelings take the will, because grief can cause change. That's unpredictable. Some days the person may seem fine, other days they may shut down. It doesn't mean that they love you any less, it means they're hurting.

Speaker 1:

And to my fellow grievers I know sometimes it's hard to find words. Communication becomes an effort. But when people do check in, if you can try and respond, even if it's just. I appreciate you. I just need a little space today. And if you can't respond, don't feel guilty, just don't. And for those who might seem like the message is cold, it's not. They just don't know how to communicate because they are not themselves. But for those around us, don't take the silence personal, it's not about you, it is just hard, so hard. And I could say something that needs to be said Grief doesn't always make sense to everyone, especially if they can't relate.

Speaker 1:

Some people don't understand grieving a dog, a horse, a goldfish. But for the one who loved that creature it's a loss. Their love has been interrupted. So when you don't understand or question someone's grief because it doesn't make sense to you, it only deepens their pain. In Romans 12, verses 15, it says Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Even if you don't fully understand the why, honour the what. Honour the person's heart, you know.

Speaker 1:

One thing I've noticed is how grief changes the way how people treat you. Suddenly, because they're not getting the best of you, their love changes, their energy shifts. But in those moments let Psalm 72, 73, sorry, verse 26 hold you together, it says. My flesh and my heart may fail, but Yahuwah is my strength of my heart and my portion forever. So to those grieving right now, you're not alone. It's okay not to be okay. It's okay to be consistent. I have to stress that because many people expect you to be consistent, but it is okay to be inconsistent. Yahuwah sees you even when others don't.

Speaker 1:

Now let's talk about being around somebody who's grieving, because it's not easy either. You may feel helpless, you might not know what to say, but I want to encourage you. Don't try to fix it, but I want to encourage you. Don't try to fix it, just be present. Sometimes a message saying I'm thinking of you goes a long way. Sometimes just sitting with them in silence is enough. But also be careful of your words. This is not the time to be telling somebody how they made you feel, especially when they're broken. Some people use somebody's grief as an opening to unleash built up emotions, and that's not right.

Speaker 1:

Grievers are vulnerable and the wrong word, even if it's unintentional, can cut deep. Proverbs 18.21 says Death and life are in the power of the tongue. So speak with care, be tender, be mindful and, above all, be kind To my fellow grievers. Remember this too. Sometimes people are just trying to show up for you and we shut them out. And I get it. Sometimes you just want to be alone. But a simple message like thank you for checking in or I need some time this week, it's better than silence, because people cannot read our heart, our minds. You know already our body language or the way how we're acting already froze them off. So sometimes we just need to just let them know and check in with them. They don't know if we need space or support unless we tell them. And while grief is lonely, it doesn't have to be isolating.

Speaker 1:

Galatians 6, verses 2, says Bear one another's burden and so fulfill the law of the Messiah. That goes both ways. We carry each other gently. My message today is simple. Whether you are the one grieving or you're walking beside somebody in their grief, give grace. Grace for messy days, grace for silence, grace for moments they smile and laugh. Graceful the times, especially when they fall apart. There's no perfect way to grieve and there's no perfect way to support somebody who's grieving. But guess what? Yahuwah sees it all Every tear, every sigh, every prayer whispered into the pillow, every closed door, every rejection, every up and downs from both, both people who are dealing with grief or being around grief because it's difficult. He sees you.

Speaker 1:

Revelations, 21 verses, says he will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning, or crying or pain. Can I just read that again? Revelations 21, verses 4, says he will wipe every tear from their eyes. There'll be no more death or mourning, or crying or pain. I love that. I love that and I want you to hold on to that. Hold on to it that. Hold on to it that one day this grief will be no more.

Speaker 1:

But until then, unfortunately, we have to deal with our feelings. When we cry, when we talk about it, we live in the emotions, but we can definitely heal. We can definitely heal, be kind to one another. You've got to remember that with grief, you don't get over it, you just try to get through it. So when somebody's grieving, allow them to grieve, give them the space, make them feel comfortable, because they will never get over it, never.

Speaker 1:

You'll have days where you know when a loved one has passed, like my aunt has passed away, my great aunt has passed away, like nine years ago, and there's moments where I hear certain things or I see certain things and I will cry. And if that's you, that's okay. Don't let anybody tell you like it's been nine years ago, this has happened this time. Or even people who has lost a partner. You could be in a brand new relationship, but that person meant something to you at that time.

Speaker 1:

And some people be like, oh, but you're in a, you're married now. Like why are you still thinking about that person? Because at that time, that person played a valid part in your life and everybody plays a valid part in our life. Um, and that is why, when we hear certain things or we're talking about certain things, certain memories pop up. And give yourself grace and be gentle and don't feel like, why am I still crying? It's okay, that person meant a lot for us and they're no longer here. I just want to say thank you for holding this space with me today and if you're grieving right now, just know that I see you, yahuwah sees you and you're not alone. Until next time, stay saints, stay real, stay rooted and stay in Yahuwah, ameen.