EP 35 - The Impact of Culture on Sexual Behaviour

In this conversation, Cece and Shay explore the complexities of sexual desires, particularly in the context of Christian beliefs and societal influences. They discuss whether men and women have similar needs to 'get it out of their system' before marriage, the cultural pressures surrounding sexual behaviour, and the importance of celibacy and prayer in navigating these challenges. The dialogue emphasises the need for understanding and support in addressing sexual struggles while maintaining a focus on faith and personal growth.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey guys, how are you doing? Hope you're well. It's Shay.

SPEAKER_00 0:04

And it's Cece.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

And today it's my question. So Cece. Um we discussed this this week. Trying to work out how to phrase the question. So when it comes to um sexual desires, or is it is that what I'm looking for? You all understand where I'm going. When it comes to sexual desires, or when men have this thing where they need to get it out of their system, like you know, they speak about oh, we need to get out of the system before we get married. So they'll sew their quote unquote royal oats or whatever. Right? Is that a thing for females as well? Do we have a thing where we need to also get it out of our system so that we it's easier for us to because they they say they need to do that so when they meet their wife, they can commit, they can be more focused?

SPEAKER_00 1:08

I would say no. I would say no, it's not in the same way. Um, and this is unfiltered, so what Shay means is when guys sleep around and do whatever they need to do, freesomes, this, that, and the bird. Um, so that when they find their wife, it's like they cleanse all of that. I think for some women, maybe, but I think women think about that when sometimes when they get married, like, oh, I wish I did XYZ. Um, or if their partner was meant to say that they're not experienced enough, they might have been like, Oh, I wish I explored, and for some people it's not like that. And I just want to make a public announcement. This is not us saying that this is what you should do, because this is not what you should do at all. This is why he said you should wait until your husband and spouse, because all of us, when you have sex or you have valatio before getting married, you now have an experience that sometimes other people can never reach, unfortunately. Yeah, um, I'll take that back with prayers, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

With prayers, you can, yeah. But it makes it it you you've basically made it more difficult, you've brought on an extra um struggle in your marriage that you didn't need to have, basically, because marriage is already hard enough. So you've brought on.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

I know, like for some cultures, like when I used to work in a certain area where there was a lot of Arabs, um, they used to send their sons to London so that they could try different ethnicities, be wild before they get married. Um, I think for women, where the price, so we're taught like no, you some a man has to um work for you and show you your worth. I think sometimes that when you get married or you find the right one, sometimes you might think outside of the box, like, I wish I did XYZ because now I'm married, I can't do that.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Do you actually let's rewind? Do you actually think that that works for men as well? Like when they say that this is what they need to do, before like, does that actually even make a difference?

SPEAKER_00 3:41

I think 50-50. I think there's some men that they feel like, and I guess it's depending on what age you are as well. So if you're still young and like for like because a lot of guys tend to get married when they're like late 40s or 50s, because it's just like do you know I've done all of that, I've I've been there, done that. It's not it's not anything for me. So now I could settle down, it's out of my system, quote unquote. Um, and you've got some guys that they are older, but that's still their drive. So if you're a man and you like freesomes and then you get married, and then your wife is telling you, like, no, that where do you go from there?

SPEAKER_01 4:28

This is this is a it's it's really a tough one, um, because obviously as Christians we know that this is not what we should be doing, but we're also unfiltered, and let's talk about the reality of what's really happening. Um, and I feel like, do you think this is a thing in Christian men now? Is this something that they feel that they have to do? Is that being practiced?

SPEAKER_00 4:57

I know Christian men who are Christian who are still outside doing all of that. Like I remember in my early 20s, there was a guy who um used to give Bible study, and we we took a liking for each other, and um I'll never forget the time that we was on the phone and I can't remember what we were talking about, and then he was just like, Oh, can we play a game, like get to know you? So I said, Yeah, cool, that's kind of cool. Um, and then he was just like, What's your favorite sexual position? And I was like, eh? And I shut down that conversation because my mind was just like, Wow, wasn't expecting this, and then he was just like, Don't you have needs? and I was just like, No, I don't have needs, and it really threw me off. But now when I look back at it, it's not to judge, it's just that everybody struggles, as we always we all are one of our main examples is always like sexual sin. Um but it's kind of like there are a lot of people that are Christians that are still having sex behind closed doors that you're unaware of because they're waiting to get married, or certain things is happening that it's God is not working quick enough for them that they're just taking matters into their own hands. I don't even know if I answered your question, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

I mean, kind of. I was just wondering if if um, but you just said it, you said you do know Christian men that are still doing the same thing, that are still um sleeping around and having threesomes and all this kind of stuff. But why is it that well actually no, there's not for me answering this question because I was gonna say, why is it that they still feel they have to do that? But like you said, there's a lot of us that's still struggling, and like you said, maybe God is not working fast enough for them, they're struggling, um, they don't know how to stop, or they don't know.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

And some people don't see it as an issue, like that too, you know. For example, somebody says that the radiator is hot, but you don't know it's hot until you touch it. So there's some people that people saying like, oh, you know, like sex out of marriage is is a sin. I've had a lot of people like discussions where people just like you would never buy a car without test driving it, yeah. And because sex is so important for them, like there's people that are Christians that are solidified, quote unquote, because we're we all have sin, right? Um, that they have to test drive that person before anything happens because sex is very important for them.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Yeah, they believe that they have to be they have to be not just compatible in all other areas, but also sexually compatible. I think a lot of people are worried when you're compatible in all other areas, but you're thinking, oh, how is that area gonna be? Um, because to be honest, nobody I I prayed this. I don't want a boring marriage, I don't want it to be boring, I'm sorry. Like I that's not one of the things I would like to be a struggle. Um because I did see an interview with a couple that they struggled for, how long did they struggle for? I think like two years or three years, where it just they just weren't it just wasn't going well for them. Um, and I feel like personally, I feel like the way that finances break down a marriage, I feel like that's one thing that can also break down a marriage. So I feel like that's why people are so adamant that they need to try. Um, but that's once again us taking things into our own hands, not leaning upon um God, but leaning upon our own understanding.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

And it's dangerous because if you test a vehicle and you like it how it how it drives, you're gonna continue driving.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Exactly. There's no you're not gonna stop. You're not gonna stop. You're lying to yourself when you say that you're gonna stop. Um, I don't know. I definitely don't think like females are the same like men when it comes to like I need to get this out of my system and that kind of stuff. I think with that God definitely created both of us differently. We definitely are more focused on like, do you know what? I don't want to do this anymore. I want to focus my mind on being married, and I would like a spouse, and so I want to save my body. I'm not saying men don't do this, but I'm just saying women would definitely kind of I feel would jump more at that, you know, jump more at doing that a bit more quicker than men would. Um but I just feel like I I have a friend that was doing the same thing that and I was a male that felt like do you know what I can just do whatever and that kind of stuff, and he's not necessarily um an active Christian, he is a believer, but even he's getting to the point where it's just like this this is not good for me, I can't keep doing this, it's not serving me well. Um, and I feel like maybe it's a thing where do we think it's a thing where men are not having the right male influences? So growing up, maybe they didn't have um the right male influence to kind of speak to them and say, okay, do you know what? Um this is what you do, this is what you don't do, or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

And as I'm saying this, by the way, I think it's society, like, because um let's remove Christianity out of it because yeah, a lot of us we're not our our our family is seasonal Christians, um you know um Easter, Christmas, um when there's a Christian in, we're gonna pray before you bless the food. So because of that, society and how I was raised, let me just go back to how I was raised. Um my whole family is Christian, yet majority of the children were born outside of marriage, however, um it's society, society teach men that you go outside, you work, you don't have to wait. Whereas women is taught that your virginity holds value, it holds weight, you wait for the one, and I think because um society has taught us that, that is why I I've lost my trail of thought, but I lost my trailer of thought, but what I was gonna say, you do get taught you get taught as a woman to wait for the one, but you never get taught to wait for marriage. See, my family is. They will say, like, wait, wait for marriage because they say like nothing is out there. So, like when I was growing up, I don't know about now, but when I was growing up, they was just like wait for marriage, and I think that was because uh the other generations before me probably fell pregnant out of wedlock, dad not there, all of these other stuff. So they're coming from like if you're married, you're gonna fight for whatever you have more, rather than if you're not married, it's easier to just walk away. Um, but the men, it was just taught like, boy, you you you get the how many girls you get now all about it, like you know, like they were praised that they're outside doing stuff, and we were just like, Well, you're not gonna touch me, I'm waiting for my husband.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Wow, that's crazy though, how it was taught differently for a boy to a girl in the family. That is that's blowing my mind.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

Um, you was also the boys were just taught don't bring home a belly, like the girls, because you know you're waiting for marriage, it was fine. It was just like you go outside, but don't you need to be married before you bring a uh a baby into this house. So live your life, but don't bring a child home until you're married.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Okay, so you could still fornicate, just don't bring a baby for the men, for the men and for the women, don't fornicate and don't have to bring a baby, yeah, and don't bring a baby before you're married as well. Oh, no pressure. Wow, that is very interesting. Very, very interesting. I don't know. In my family, I just always felt like there was no specific thing spoken. It was just like, you know, once you're in a relationship um and you're committed, like it was okay. Um, so that's why I just always thought it was okay once I'm in a relationship. I just I always felt like it was wrong to be doing anything with anybody outside of a relationship. Like I felt sex outside of a relationship just felt a bit like, oof, you know, you're just any girl in it. Um you had to have a title. I don't know where that came from, it just seems like the right thing. Um, but it's just what are we now passing on to our now youth? What are we telling them? Or what are we showing them?

SPEAKER_00 14:49

With me, I'm very black and white. Like, I still push like you need to be married, don't be having sex. I tell them, like, you know, if you're gonna do XYZ, like when it's time to get married, number one, you're displeasing God, and number two, when you get married, you're you're compare you're gonna compare your husband to all these other people where if nobody has touched you, there'll be no comparison.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Powerful. Agreed. I remember you telling me that years ago, like years ago, it was so long ago. Um, I think one of your friends, they were getting married, and they chose to keep themselves for marriage, even though they weren't um they weren't virgins or anything, but they chose to keep themselves for marriage. And um I remember you said to me that they both were praying that they were they wouldn't compare to others, like to remove the kind of feelings that they had of the past, and that's a prayer that I started praying from that time because it is really important and it's really really powerful. Um, because there's a lot of us who have come on the journey of celibacy, but they weren't, you know, they weren't before, and they weren't doing that. So I think that's a powerful prayer, and it's an important prayer. Um, and at first I didn't get it because I used to think, like, how is that gonna be possible? It doesn't make sense, like you're always gonna, because I always compared, and I was like, how is that gonna be possible? But it actually did get to the point where like if someone asked me a question, like if anyone came to ask me like a sexual question or whatever, not even that deep, but just anything, I couldn't, I couldn't remember. I'm like, oh, I actually don't remember, you know, I don't I couldn't remember what what the answer was to that question. Um and it's a prayer that I will continue to pray because it is powerful. You just when you think about the mind that the idea of that your your husband or your wife just being the only person that you know, it's so powerful, and you just see why God created it to be that way, and it it just it's made me more excited because I'm like, wow, that's amazing to know that it's only that person, no one else. Like, it's such an exciting feeling. Um, and that's what I started to see it as. It was a negative at first, I didn't get it, I wasn't on board with it, and then after uh you know, it's been years, but after a while it started to become something really positive and really powerful. I don't think this has even gone off subject of what the actual initial question was. Um don't know if we have anything else to add. What I will say though, if there are any men listening that has an opinion on this subject, um feel free to contact us. Um share your opinion, share your thoughts, because it'll be nice. Um we're not trying to, I'm not trying to talk on behalf of men. I'm just, you know, we're not trying to do that. I'm just saying that, like, you know, we're just trying to speak about the fact of, you know, men has this in their system, they feel like you know they need to let it out and do whatever, you know, before they get married. And you know, I was just wondering, are men are women the same? But I I don't think we are personally. I don't think that's something that we feel like we have to do. Um some women, yeah, maybe they're like when they're you know, younger, like let me enjoy my life, let me do whatever. Um, but deep down, I don't think that's us. I don't think that's us personally. You might have some females that be saying that, but sometimes I feel like females, if you do see them doing that, it's because of hurt, is because of past hurt that they've been through. They're like, you know what, no one's gonna hurt me before I hurt them, so I'm gonna do my thing. Um, so I personally feel that's why a lot of females do continue on that path because they just want to be in control, they don't want anyone to hurt them. So, yo, that's my little two pins. Have anything else to add?

SPEAKER_00 19:21

No, I don't.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Okay, good stuff. Well, I'm gonna pray about this because it's it's not easy, it's not easy. Um, so let's pray. Blessed, holy, and wonderful Father Lord. Thank you so much once again for bringing us together. Um, in this discussion, Father Lord, being unfiltered, speaking about the things that your children are genuinely just struggling with. We with all men and women who are out there giving out their bodies, doing things that you did not create them to do. Our bodies are a temple. Lord, you created us to be sacred and to treat our bodies right. And so some of us might be out there and might not feel like it's a problem to keep giving our bodies. Some people say they can't, you know, they can't not have sex. Some people say they just they just they need to test the waters, they need to do whatever. But Lord, please open all of our eyes to seeing the truth, to seeing why you made us, for us to remember that we are not our own, we were bought at a price, and Jesus sacrificed his life for us, and you made us, you created us, and so help us to see, Lord, how much we are loved by you, how much we are cherished by you, and why you made us, Lord. Show us our purpose. Sometimes it's redirection we need, and we're all going through this struggle. I can say I'm going through the struggle, and it's not easy, but Lord, guide us and show us the right way. Show us what to do, show us how to be on the path where you need us to be. Help us, Lord in heaven, to save ourselves and keep our bodies heavenly Father, Lord. Cleanse us from the past and the past hurt that's causing us to maybe doing these things. And Lord, help us to pray about soul ties, help us to pray against the soul ties that we have from being sexually active with other people and numerous people. Because, Lord, when we are active with others, we are carrying others' burdens, others' pains, others' sorrows, Lord. And sometimes we don't understand why we're hurting or why we feel the way we feel, but because we've had that sexual encounter with our other person and we don't know what they've carried, we're also carrying the same thing. And so I pray that you may protect us and that you may heal us and that you may remove those soul ties from us, Lord. Father God, thank you so much for listening and thank you for what you're about to do in your blessed son's name. As we pray, amen. Once again, guys, thank you so much for listening. We pray that you'll be blessed. Tell a friend, tell a friend, and share, and we'll see you soon on the next episode. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

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