EP 43 - Faith And Single Parenting

Transcript

Welcome And Hard Truths

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Hey guys, welcome to the Unfiltered Christian podcast. I'm Shay, and I will be talking to you guys today about single parenthood. Um, on touching on single parenthood as a Christian as well. So I myself have been a single parent quite a few years, not by choice. Um, and I think that is the tough S part um about being a single parent as a Christian because a lot of the time we have we would have preferred to have a child within wedlock. Even if you're not a Christian, you would have preferred a stable relationship for your child and a stable environment for them. And it's been a rough journey for me, but I can say that God has definitely kept me, he's kept us throughout the whole few years, and um I've definitely been in partnership with God. He's definitely been helping me to co-parent and get through some really tough moments and some tough journeys um that I've had to face on my own, but not fully on my own because I had him there with me. And I think that at times being a single parent, um, it's hard to find the balance because you're everything to that child. You have to be the disciplinarian, you have to walk in love. Loving them, you have to guide them, you have to advise them, and you're taking on the role of both parents, which is really not easy. Um it can be so hard, and you yourself don't have anyone to bounce off of um because it's just you, and it can be really, really tough at times. Um because you also feel like like sometimes I feel like I don't want to keep bothering other people, especially my friends who are married, because you just feel like you know they've got their own things going on, um, and you don't want to kind of constantly be um putting your kind of problems on them. But we have to thank God that you know we do have a support network, um, some of us, and some of us don't. And so I would definitely keep those parents in prayer who do not have that support network, and even those that can just pray for me, um, I thank God for that. But you definitely just miss the moments of having someone else kind of doing bath time or someone else saying, you know, I'll cook dinner. Um, and it can be really, really tough because you have to definitely carry all the hats, um, carry everything on upon your shoulders. But I just wanted to encourage someone out there who is a single parent, um, and you're feeling like it this is just I don't know how I'm gonna cope today, I don't know how I'm gonna manage. And I can understand that feeling because you're not in it by yourself, um, and you're not the only one feeling that way. I think that's the main reason why I wanted to talk about this because we feel at times like we're in things on our own. We feel like we're carrying things by ourselves, and um God just says, cast your cares upon him, and that's all you have to do, just call out to him and say, Do you know what, Lord? I am struggling, like today is rough, and I don't do that enough in honesty. I feel like I do pray about some of my problems, but I don't really think like sometimes I forget about what to say in prayer, even though like those things are happening. I feel like at times there's so much to pray about that your mind can get so distracted and you forget, like, oh my gosh, I was meant to pray about this today, but there's nothing wrong with a mental prayer, and there's nothing wrong with a short prayer, and so just know that he's there for you first and foremost, know that first and foremost, but know that also I understand as well. Like, I feel your pain um as a single mother, as a single father. Um, it really isn't easy. You're trying to juggle work, you're trying to juggle a household, you're trying to juggle your your kids' activities, and it just really isn't easy. Remember not to lose yourself, remember um that you are still an individual, you are still um Shay, you are still Sharon, you are still Mike, you are still John, like you are still you, and if you're not together, your child will feel it, and it will affect your household because that is your family, whether you have one child, whether you have two or more, you know, if you're not good, the rest of your household isn't good. Um, and I see how when I'm not good, how much it reflects onto my child, and the fact that as he's getting older, he even he can tell my tone, the difference between when I am upset, when I am stressed, when I'm like he he just detects it, and I don't even have to say much, he can just tell from my tone and you say, Mom, are you okay? Um and he just wants to know everything, so it can be um really, really tough at times um when you don't have that space to hide that from your child as well. So we just have to pray for these God-given gifts that He, you know, these gifts that God has blessed us with. Um, and it is tough, but just remember not to lose yourself. Remember that you are you and you need to cater to you first and foremost. Um focus on prioritizing self-care, remembering your identity, remembering that God is with you. Remember that you're not being selfish if you choose to do things for yourself, if you choose to take that time out to have a bath, because you know you want to do bedtime early so you can have a bath, or um, you just want to do bedtime early so you can have a bit of time to watch your shows or to read your Bible or to just pray, or even just take a nap, honey. Because sometimes a nap is needed. I know that feeling of just feeling so drained, like even me right now, I'm under the weather right now because I'm drained and I'm up and down, and I know what that feels like. Uh, it's important that you we find a balance, we organize ourselves. Um, I feel like organization is super important. Um, me and my other best friend talk about this all the time in regards to like organizing yourself and um what is priority? Like, what can you do tomorrow? Not everything has to be done today. Um, but just even prioritizing sleep. Like, I don't I'm not doing this enough. Sleep is something I need to prioritize. That's something I am not doing enough of at all, and so I need to try and um even work on that for myself. Um, even if you need to make a schedule or whatever it is you need to do to make life easier, your your kids' schedule, your own schedules, and like put it together. Is it even aligning? Are you stretching yourself beyond what you can do? Um, all these things is important to look at. And um, I'm not a super organized person, but I try my best. I have mental lists in my head, like okay, today I'm gonna do this, or on Friday I'm gonna do this, or on whatever day I'm gonna do this. Uh I write stuff down on my phone a lot. My notes um pages is is actually crazy. I think I've got 500 notes of God knows what a lot of the time. But yeah, I tend to just write things down, write my shopping list down, you know, prioritize what do you need, what you don't need, balancing your finances, because that's also something you have to do as a single parent as well. Balancing your finances and always make sure you're keeping aside um not just money for food, but you know, say if your little one needs a random pair of shoes in the middle of the month, or a coat, or trousers, or you know, something. Um, those are things you have to juggle. But if we try and organize ourselves, it can definitely help us to not feel stressed in that moment or feel like you have to, you know, feel like you're burdening others with with you know what you're going through, your problems. But please talk to people as well, talk to others, like someone who you're close with, because I feel like we hold a lot in as single parents as well. And like I said mentioned before, yes, you might feel like you're bothering that person, but definitely I'm sure there's one person that you can turn to that will always have your back and be there for you. And like I said, call upon someone to pray for you, send us an email that we can keep you in prayer because I get it, it's it's not easy um at all. Um, but like I said, don't feel guilty. I remember when my little one was younger, it wasn't even about me, it wasn't even about me having anything nice to wear, like it was nothing. Um, it was all about him and making sure he was good. And I I'm proud of that. I'm proud of making sure he was good um at all times. But then eventually, as he got older, I started saying, like, okay, I wanna go back into myself now. And um, even if your little one is young, you know, even like during nap time and finding that time to just have a shower and to nap or to work out or whatever it is, you'll feel so good that you prioritize yourself and um took care of yourself in that moment. So I would say self-care is super important in um single parenthood. It is so, so important. Um, and like I like I mentioned already, there's I give a few ideas, there's lots you can do around your child. You don't always have to find childcare, there's always things that you can do at home. Like me, I love my candles, I love my incense. Even in the evening when I'm doing bath time or bedtime, I'll light all my candles around the house, and it just makes me feel relaxed and calm, even in that moment where bedtime may seem so chaotic, and it's really just brings a lovely ambience and calm to your home. Um, I think I I even used to have a diffuser, which basically it's like something you can add essential oils to with water, and it gives out this lovely steam. Um, that as well I used to turn on in my room. I used to put lavender in it so that when I came into my bedroom after bedtime, like it feels calm, it feels peaceful, like all these type of things you can do to just that is affordable, that is um doesn't stretch your pocket, that can just bring calm and peace to your household for yourself, for your mental health. Um, and also, like I said, even if you're at the stage where you feel like, do you know what you're really struggling as a parent mentally, seek some help. There's nothing wrong with calling out for help. There's nothing wrong with um going to therapy and you know, finding an affordable therapy or going through your doctors to get referred for therapy. Um there's so many affordable things out there that you can do um because it is it can be so tough at times. Um I remember when I was struggling with my mental health at some point in my parenting journey, um, and I could see it was um affecting my child. He was throwing tantrums and he'd never throwing tantrums, it wasn't him, but I didn't realise it was me that I just wasn't here, but because he couldn't express his words, he was doing it in another way, and I recognized it, but I was so confused, and I was like, I remember sitting there one day saying, like, I don't know what to do. He just he's crying, I don't know what else to do. I took him for a walk, I've done this, like I thought I was doing everything quote unquote normal, and I wasn't. Um, and he sensed it, and he was quite young at that time, and I I sought help for myself. Um, and I'm so happy I did. It did a lot for me, it taught me a lot. It was so many years or decades of built-up things that happened to me, um, even before becoming a parent, and it's important that we deal with these traumas and we deal with all these things because we don't want these things to be reflected onto our children as well. That's also very important, um, and that's why counselling and therapy is very important. Um, because you do not want to have those past traumas from your childhood or any type of thing that happened in your early adulthood to fall onto your children. It's important that we are free of those things. Um, and you could there's so many Christian counseling as well out there, Christian therapy um companies out there as well that you can find. You can always Google it and you can find so many different types out there. Um, some people's churches provide counselling. I know that my church organization does, and I actually went to that because I knew I couldn't afford it, and I was able to get counselling at a discounted rate that I could afford each month, and they were so great, they were so supportive, and that's what helped me. Um, and so I just think it's really important that we um definitely focus on our mental health. It's huge. That is if your mental health is not okay, then your parenting, no, and you don't want to get to that place where everything is going left in life, you know, and um we all love our children, and so it's important that we are taking care of ourselves so that they can get the best of us in every way, in what we're eating, um, in in every way, in every sense. What are we taking in, you know, what burdens are we carrying, what are we listening to? Like all these things, it reflects and falls onto our children, and so it's important that we are doing all these things um for ourselves. Um, so uh yeah, I think I've mentioned quite a lot in this department. Um, and I don't think I can think of anything else to add. Um, but yeah, just remember that you are loved, you are cared for, you are needed. Because I think that even as a single parent, you feel like, am I really needed? Like you're so drained, you're so stretched that you just feel like you know you're needed, but you feel so alone, you're like, ugh, I could just disappear and no one would know I'm here, they don't need me, kind of thing. You just go through these really tough, tough moments. Um, and it can be really hard, it can be really hard. Um, and I'm not gonna touch on this too much because I've already done an episode in relation to um that you guys will hear about single parenthood and dating, um, which is tough as well, but it all comes together. So, yeah, I really, really hope that what I've said will help someone out there who is struggling, who is carrying so much on their own. Um, and like I said, please remember you're not in it by yourself, you're not alone. And so I'm gonna now pray, and we're gonna give this up to Elohim because he is the burden carrier, and we do not have to carry these burdens on our own. So, blessed, holy, and mighty Father, we give you praises and thanksgiving so much, Lord in heaven, for this brand new day. And I just pray, Lord, for each and every person, each and every ear that's listening to this episode right now. I just pray, Father God, you may touch their heart. I pray, Father, Lord in heaven, that even the person listening that may not be a single parent, that they can share this episode with someone that they know that may need it. I pray that they'll be blessed by it, Lord, that they see you speaking and not myself, and that they recognize, Lord, that they are um loved, that they are blessed, that they are cherished, that they are needed, and Lord, that you may please be alongside each and every single parent right now, um co-parenting with them, Lord, because we are not in this on our own. We are not carrying this burden on our own because you say to cast your cares, which you say to cast our burdens. Um, if I'm I'm not even quoting it right right now, Lord, forgive me. But yeah, um, we should cast our cares upon upon you, and Lord, you are the burden carrier. And so, Father Lord, I just pray that you'll be in control, that you would take charge. Help us as we raise these angels that you have blessed us with, Lord in heaven. Um, as they contribute to society, Lord in heaven, through the things that we do at home, I just pray that you may help us, Lord, to build the right foundation within our households. And I just pray for all of our children that as they go out into the world, that they remember everything that they've learned from within their households, that they remember what they've been taught by us as their parents. And I just rebuke Heavenly Father, Lord, the statistics and the things that society say about single-parent homes. Because, Lord, you are in the center of everything. You are the co-parent that's helping us with our children, and so, Lord, in heaven, they will succeed, they will go forward in life, they will not go down um the path that is not of you, and they will stay on the sturdy and steady path, Heavenly Father, Lord, because you are present with them, you're present in our households, you're present with us as parents. I pray for those parents who are feeling drained, who are feeling tired, who are feeling frustrated, that they just don't know what to do, and they're just feeling lost and hurt. And even those who may be feeling hurt from um the previous relationships with the person they have had the children with, Lord, co-parenting is not easy. And so, Father Lord, I pray that you may please be with them and help them in healing and just bring them peace, help them as they co-parent, help the other parent, Lord, to be um cooperative and supportive and help them to work together. May you be in the center of their co-parenting relationship for the sake of their child or children. That Lord, you will take charge, you will be in control, and Lord, that you will guide the steps of our children as they go forward and go into the world, Lord, in heaven, each and every day. Guide them at school, guide them with the friends and the friendships that they come across. And help us, Lord, in heaven, as we have to try and recognize everything that's happening, happening at school and happening everywhere they go, and we're trying to protect them in every way. And Lord, just open our eyes and ears to what we need to hear, what we need to see, so that we can nurture them in the best way that we can, Lord in heaven. But Lord, please help us to remember that we're not carrying everything on our own and we're not by ourselves. We love you and we appreciate you, Lord. Thank you for hearing this prayer, holy Father, in your blessed son's name, Jesus Christ, as we pray. Amen. Love and blessings to you all. Take care, and I will see you on another episode.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

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