The Mask We Wear: How Masking Fuels Burnout

Ever feel like you’re wearing a mask just to get through the day?  Dr Kristen drops by the show again to discuss autistic masking, why we do it, and how it can sneakily lead to autistic burnout. You know you’re in for laughs, honest moments, and a few “aha!” realizations whenever Dr Kristen stops by the show. Hit play and let’s get real—together!

You can find Kristen all over the web
Website: https://www.empowermindsolutionsllc.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drkristenwilliamson
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61573292573273#
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@empowerminds.solu

Support Leta's Nonprofit Dance Studio for Autistic Dancers by giving a donation today https://www.autisticwingsdancecompany.org

You can buy the Loop Ear Plugs Dr Kristen was talking about by visiting Loop's website. (This is not a paid promotion. Loop is not paying Dr Kristen nor are the sponsoring Leta's Tap Styles or paying Amanda and Leta. They are just that great.) https://us.loopearplugs.com

Want to come on the show to talk about tap dancing, dance, autism, or neurodivergency? Check out our profile on PodMatch! You can also see what previous guests have to say about being on the show. https://www.podmatch.com/member/letastapstylesguest

Transcript

0:05

Then we come home and just completely fall apart. We go to work, we wear a bra, we do all these things, and we come home and completely just doomed. This is Leta and this is me and my mommy's my mommy, and there's me and I'm just talking about this stuff. And there's me tap dancing because this is the tap Dancing Autism podcast and there's bunch animals and I'll be trying to in my hair and there's bunch saying, and. Dancing. Oh, also, they're my boots. My boots are amazing. Also, dance, me trying not to have a panic attack. Also, this is a podcast that we autism and kept dancing and blah, blah, blah. I'm A DHD. This thing also. This your adorable puppy. That's my mommy. I am Leta. This is Leta's Tap Styles. That's. Dr. Kristen was two cats, not to be confused as Dr. Kristen was two dogs. Two. Two. Tiny little two. Two little doggie. So this is how she's differentiating between the Dr. Kristen's in her life. Mm-hmm. And this Dr. Kristen has four cats, not just two. cuts. There's four cats. There's 4K, Kristen, Q. You need two more dogs though. I don't think Lily would be okay with two. Lily would a angel. you? And you a angel? What do you mean to be mean? She's a angel. Just a little angel. Oh, hi. Hi. Oh, you know those dogs that normally have to be be put up when people come over that is Lily. She does not do well with people. I have a walks in and Lily is like, hi, you're my friend. I have a butt. Jack, are you That's so sweet. not? right. You can this lita, you can turn off your mic while you and Jack are having a discussion over there. I forgot Turn off mic. I feel like a Muppet. Oh, Jack, you Oh, it unplugged your di Do you need to get out and get back in? no. Still plug. Stay unplugged. It's been one of those days, Kristen. Mm-hmm. like a m. Alright, let's get into talking about it. Kristen, you are a friend. What is he chewing on now? Get get outta your mouth. Get outta your mouth. Candy. That's good for the dog with the, um, disorder Oh, no. you. Bring it on. Um, for those of our audience who somehow have missed every one of your previous episodes with us, do you wanna introduce yourself again? Sure. I am Dr. Kristen Williamson. I'm a licensed professional counselor, and I have my doctorate in behavior health management. I see clients online. I'm licensed in four or five states, and I have unbelievably made it to my niche where I work with adults who are either late diagnosed autism, A DHD, or they've been just diagnosed. They have neuros spies in their life. I like the phrase neuros spicy because it is the spice of life. It may not be, I mean, sometimes it could be a really potent spice, but it's still spice of life Oh, yes. And, uh, for everyone not watching on YouTube or watching on Spotify, the P staffing mix is making life a d culting today. that, but it just again, adds the spice of life. It, it does. And I keep reminding myself he was the one who made the decision to join this family. So this is his fault. That happens. We brought you on the podcast again, because you and I have had many, many, many discussions on masking and on, um, burnout, which are, it's not two sides of the same coin. It's one leads to the other. It really does. Someone somewhere is going to finally get this paper going. I think there's, there's gotta be papers on it. I've read upwards of 200 research articles now for late diagnosed females and what that looks like, and I'm pretty certain masking is a huge chunk of it because it's exhausting. It is flip and exhausting. It's not started once we turn into an adult. No. We are taught to mask from a very young age. It can be gender specific, it can be culturally. Added into it. There's, there's so many different components and I think the crux of it is just what you said, it's exhausting and it leads to round, It does, and I think I'm talking to parents, um, who are asking me as someone who was, I don't wanna call it early diagnosed. Diagnosed at the age you should have been diagnosed, appropriately diagnosed. diagnosed. You have a whole bunch of kids who were taught my age, we're taught to mask, to mask, to mask, to mask. Masking was the be all and end all. And we have doctors looking at us going, hi, do you understand that you have hypertension at way too young of an age? Oh my gosh. There is. So with through my clients and my research, I have found that a lot of women are not getting diagnosed with autism so way later in life, partially because the criteria is not for females, it wasn't made for females, but they're predominantly getting diagnosed with depression. Anxiety panic disorder because we, again, I feel like an alien. I'm gonna wear the mask of human. You do that so long, you go to school and you suck it up and you deal with it and you don't fidget. You don't move because you don't wanna get in trouble. We keep that mask on. Then we come home and just completely fall apart. We go to work, we wear a bra, we do all these things, and we come home and completely just doom. Scroll for hours on our phone. Do you have something to say there, child? Okay, so this is the perfect conversation to break up, annoy, rebuild of us. Cheer the show with p and and penny. Like they did an episode where they made one of the two baby twins, the boy autistic, and they said the girl couldn't be autistic even though they were both babies. So A, they couldn't do the dyslexia test because they both couldn't talk. B, the speech, parent test, because both of them can't talk. They're babies. Isn't that frustrating? The boys can be seen. and they could do any of the other tests because babies can't talk. And yet the it's about the girls not autistic. Even though you can't, any of the tests you're supposed to do on kids, because A, they're not, I'm pretty sure. And B, I'm pretty sure they can do most of the tests for autism because they're straight up like now. Is this a TV show? Yeah. Which TV show is it? I. Oh yeah. The Reboot of Proud Family. They You know, to be. um, with. I love that you brought that up. I've seen with TV shows and with movies and everything, the, the guys, the males are typically autistic or autistic type, but girls are not, or if they're labeled as autistic, they're just so rude. They're so this, they're so this and this and this. When it, it's been hard to see ourselves in the same light. It. It is. She has run off, 'cause the puppy has decided he wants to be part of this conversation 'cause she got excited. So now he's excited. Oh my gosh. You know, with when you were growing up, did you ever get the, well, you're so well behaved, you're so mature for your age, you're. no, no, no, no, no. I did not get that. I got that. I was too immature for my age. I wasn't behaving right for my age. I was asking too many questions. I was not, doing what I should do. And then I would go into therapy and they would say what I had done for the week, and my therapist, like legit therapist, not like the a BA Mm-hmm. sit there and go, okay, well here's your punishments for the week for not fitting in properly. And I had therapists who this boggles my mind, but it also I think leads to where you wind up having. Breakdowns and I had a therapist who was like, well, you don't have to actually be a, is he chewing on now? the one, it's like having a toddler, Kristen. Yep. I literally, and I've told a few other people this, I had the a therapist who sat there and told me, what you need to do is you need to be what they want in a friend, because you will never have a friend unless you quit being autistic. And you start being exactly what they want. So if they like this book, you like this book. If they like this movie, you like this movie. If they like this boy, quite like the boy, but like boys like that. If they like dresses like this, you like dresses like this, Yep. the boy part. Think of how much we have grown as a society to come out and for this next generation of therapists to be talking to people there to say, no, it's, you can be you and you'll make friends. And I say this, not every therapist has the highest level of understanding of what autism is. They, they have much better ideas of A DHD because A DHD has been able to be talked about with less of a stigma for so long. But with autism, like the communication I. Live in scripts in my brain, and it sounds like I can communicate really well. But then if y'all say something that I'm not expecting to hear, it's like my brain buffers and I had to sit there and it's like, how long am I sitting here? Oh, I've been quiet for too long. I need to say something. Don't make it weird. I'm gonna make it weird. Let's talk about dinosaurs. I think that's the only reason my husband talks about dinosaurs. Dinosaurs is something everyone talks about, right? but like. And being taught to mask from such a young age that it was coming from.'cause at one point in time I had a therapist, I had a psychiatrist and I had a psychologist Geez, Louise. the psychiatrist was there just to make sure I had the right medicines for see bipolar that was showing up because I was autistic. It wasn't my autism that was causing, it wasn't bipolar. Um, for the A DHD for the depression and the anxiety. And I was the bad person who went and read, you know, libraries have books. And I went and read it and was like, how do I have bipolar syndrome depression and anxiety? That. See, you were one of the, the fewer ones who didn't just settle on the, the labels on the diagnoses. You're like, I wanna go learn about this. And at a time where we could go to the library and learn about it, we didn't have the ease in which we could find out these answers now, which is one of the very, very few things. I'm so grateful for Covid, because Covid really blew up social media and the world started sharing stories. So my autistic women started seeing themselves represented in others and saying, wow, you can actually live this life. You don't, you don't have to be in the corporate job and be overly helpful. You don't have to. Write emails that have so much fluff in them. You can, you can write like a dude and it's fine. Oh yeah, I still write way too much information 'cause I like info dump in all of my emails. But you know that about me. I knew, but I love that because I'm a collector of information because I want to make sure that I understand everything. And what I've realized on my side is I will send messages or as you've gotten, um, from me, I'll send an email with like one sentence in it. That's I have to remember to say Hi, hello, versus just sending an email.'cause I'm like, I just wanna get my thought out. Nope, that's not polite. It's aside. That's still the masking component of pragmatic speech. but like. I cannot prove this. I kind of think that bipolar and the depression, 'cause I will admit that there was a lot of depression going on as a Mm-hmm. autism, especially Of course there was. where you're in the nineties where it was all about hiding it. Where my parents were not telling anyone because I could mask well enough to fit into society. Um, I don't think my fam uh, extended family knew I had autism. Um, they never told me. I found out one ever used the word autism around me. But then when I, my husband joined the military, they're looking through my stuff and the doctor's like, oh, so you were diagnosed as autistic as a child. That would have been something nice to know because that would've explained the special education stuff that would've explained all these therapies. know it because you've been telling me like you No, I knew something was wrong with me 'cause it was always put out that something was wrong. Could you imagine growing up that way? Growing up with the. Hey, there's something wrong with me, but nobody's actually telling me what it is. They're just making me go do these different things and take these different things. And you feel like people are looking at you or, I don't know. Have y'all ever had this where you feel like you say something and you're saying it right? And with the mask, like your eyebrows can go up at the right time, or the inflection in your tone, and you just feel like it didn't hit, it did. Whoa. I accidentally forgot was that right hip existed. I don't know that you actually forgot, but we were in our almost, you know, sphere during Covid. So it was Hmm. normal. But you, the way we raised you was never to, I. You always knew from the time we had that official diagnosis, you knew you were autistic. From the time we had the official diagnoses, we were like, this is what's causing this. This is why it's causing this. This is what's going on with it because need, accidentally. but I said I forgot it That means you were living in a world where autism didn't have a dirty name attached to it. You could just be you. But now you're turning into this spokesperson who gets to come in and advocate and be this glorious version of teenager and angst and dog love and cat love. Wait. Um, someone needs to do a paper on autistic people and their love of animals. Yes. I love animals because they don't care how I act. Oh. big door. Your bega door is kind of like a cat and a dog's body. I love cats because they are the epitome of consent. They will let me love them at their choosing. I want to aggressively love them. They will hold those boundaries unless I have snacks. That is our beagle lab mix. That is how she is. She and she even lays on top of the cushions on top of the couch, like she's a small, itty bitty kitty cat and not a 45 pound puppy are cushions for our couch. Don't actually stand up anymore, That's amazing. but I know with me the overall push and push and push that you have to mask. You have to mask. You have to mask that this was the be all and end all of life was to mask that burnout Mm-hmm. early in life. So it's. I didn't even know it was masking for a very long time. It's just, I thought of it as like, okay, I'm gonna go talk to this group of people. Let's breathe in and, and turn on the energetic human that can go and talk and do all these things and be really bubbly and smile really big and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah da. And then afterwards, in the, the private moments where it's just me, it just, it feels like I am just then bereft of all feelings. We went out to a medieval renaissance fair this weekend, and that was the most people I've done in a very long time. And we 3D printed cats and gave them out because cats protect people from the plague. So we are giving out cats, but that means I had to talk to a lot of people in the very short snippets. Like, you don't get into the deep conversation. Deep conversations tend to fill my battery more than deplete it. But the, just the, the surface level, hi, how are you? Here's a cute cat. Okay, bye. Like that's more draining than anything else. And you almost feel the next day that you have. An emotion hangover. I lead lots of meetings, which means I have two people and be the person in charge and. You know, add imposter syndrome to masking, right? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. and by the time I'm done, I'm like, I am so over people. Please schedule a like two month break for the next, oh wait, I can't have two months between my meetings. Well, and that's, it's so funny, I love this episode because the first time we were supposed to meet with it, I had messaged you. I was like, I don't have the bandwidth. I am, so I, I'm at my limit and I can't do this because it's still, we still do this to this day. We overextend, we overreach, and then it's the, well, why don't I have any energy? Why can't I do this? Where it's like, I, there's the want, but then it's almost the physically and mentally it's just is not there to give. I haven't told my husband yet, but I have a feeling he knows this. Uh, I have the energy I think, to get through what I have to do tomorrow. He is not on shift for this weekend. He gets to deal with everything. if I die. Just know that I lived. Okay. That's because I literally, I was like, she took four tries to make me eggs and then I just had cookies for breakfast. That's the best breakfast ever. I I'm here for that. I, the hot, so yeah, I die tomorrow. You know Cookies. uh, more I probably her driving. good. Oh, it, it, it's, I was like, I have to make sure Kristen's coming on 'cause I will recharge a little bit talking Mm-hmm. uh, at this level. Um, well, no, I talked to you at this level, but sometimes Sometimes you wanna have someone who's not blood related. Um. No, even having you on the conversation with Kristen is, uh, hopefully recharging my batteries. Oh yeah. But masking leads to breakdown. Call it a breakdown, call it a meltdown, call it, you know, a full-on Yep. call it. I don't think people understand what happens at that end part if you're not within the neuro. Uh, divergent, the neuros spicy community. A lot of people are like, oh, well, I mean, so your breakdown is just, you need like an hour with a coffee date. Mm-hmm. I've seen it. So for me, my masking can comes in typically through sensory auditory. If things are really, really loud or if there's a lot of people or a lot of things that I'm looking at, it's a visual chaos. I can handle it for so long. But I hit that moment where if I'm not, my friends all make fun of me because it's about three hour time limit. I can do three hours, and if I push it beyond that, I will be absolutely useless and or if I push it too much, I've had moments of the shutdown where it almost feels like I'm a husk of a person. Just kind of like. Outside shell. And the inside is just so fully dissociated. It's, it's not there.'cause my brain says, we are no longer safe. We can't do this. Or the panic attacks from pushing and the, you think of a volcano, we push it down so much and then blame and we blow up typically internally, but it can show externally. I I broke the flower. You broke the flower. It's fine. I The flower. She's been fiddling with the flower so much over there. It is now flower petals and we can find something to do with the flower pets. I had too much Fun taking in the bar. I broke the, That is okay. okay. It is fine. is not any different form for us to enjoy. Now you can just put petals all over the dog. Yes, it now. Only if I can't run resin. I'll go get more resin tomorrow. She's been making a bunch of resin stuff.'cause for the studio, if people will agree to donate $10 a month, she's, I may have said Lita will make 'em a key chain. My mom s spoiled me. Or she added to your ability to become an entrepreneur. No, No. She screw me. We, we, I ate DHD Life. She screw me. We found a few of the grants in our area. You have to have between 2000 and 3000 monthly donors in order to apply for the grants. Oh, I do not have nearly that much. but you're on your way. we are on our way and we are turning dancers away because we don't have enough space for them right now, and I need to get fundraising started. So, you know, Just another thing to add to the bucket of things to do. Oh yes. Why screw your child in that bucket? She's like, why screw your child? Uh, I think because I was talking to someone else, I don't think people understand that the meltdowns, the breakdowns can lead to even hospitalization, Oh gosh, yes. Going emergency room, going inpatient. Yeah, and people are like, well, I mean, just get over your meltdown afterwards. It's like, mm, it it, it's not like that. So, um, actually a really pertinent example that I experienced on Saturday after the, um, Renaissance Fair where it's hot, it's humid. My son, who's 15, decided to buy a, a chest plate that's heavy and a helmet and wear it and not hydrate. And he is my, my level one, level 1.5. Spectrum kiddo, just depending on the day. And when he gets overwhelmed, that shutdown looks angry. Face, he loses all tones except for angry tones because he is no longer there. He looks obstinate. He looks defiant. He looks like a butt hole. I know that is him being overstimulated and overwhelmed and that masking component is done. He, he's over everything, but to the outside perspective, he looks like he's throwing a teenage temper tantrum. He's not. Yeah, I think the dog just left.'cause I think my husband just got home. Hey, yay. He's like, I'll go see whoever can give me all the love. Uh, his love is for sale. Woo. But no, I mean that is because there's been times lead's done something and I'm like, luckily with her international tap group, those kids, not all of them are diagnosed autistic. Not all of them are diagnosed neuros, spicy. I will not say a word right now with today's political climate on Mm-hmm. diagnoses. But they also have the spice of life. But there have been days where we've been out at like a video shoot. We were in DC and everyone was like, hi Elita. And she was like, uh, and they're like, got it. You are over peopled. certain boys strive to die. Yeah, It's just boys overall. do you mean that's just, it was the same boy. I almost kicked the face off of. She's still hyper fixating on that one. Getting out of the car. But no, the, the older kids will walk by. enough. Yeah. Fucking out. quick enough. He's so close. get to have fun with him in July. Um, the older kids to have fun with me. will actually like walk past Lita after a weekend of a conference where she's had to be in a basement, which is not her fun thing to do anyways.'cause there's no windows. She's been overstimulated. There's too much noise, there's too many people. And Lita will be like, uh, and they're like, got it. You have been over people. I'll see you when you've reset. That's amazing to have people who just know and understand and accept that that is what we're building, to finding these people that can become your village. And they're like, I have those days too. And there have been days that I've seen them and I'm like, I will not be talking to you right Yep. people from outside the group are like, well, why aren't you talking to the teenager? 43 the idea that it doesn't make you less, Yeah. doesn't, and your brain just works different and or we are able to commit and articulate. I am peopled out. Okay. I don't need to push. Yeah. And I appreciate that with her tap group. But outside, like when she was in dance studios, the noise in the lobby, it annoyed me. And I have multiple years and multiple therapies of teaching me how to mask. And she is like the headphones go on. And all these adults are like, why aren't you listening? And it's like, I'm being overstimulated. I can have a full meltdown or I can put my headphones on. And people are like, you're just gonna let her be antisocial. And I'm like, I. I'm introverted. Get the F over it. I think the, the headphones is such a glorious utilization of accommodations. I will tell that to adults get noise canceling or the earplugs, the, the loop ones are the ones that, you know, eventually they will come in and pay me to talk about them because I talk about them so much. They help make my life way better. It just, it helps reduce that stimulation to where it's, the meltdowns or the burnout doesn't happen nearly as fast. Uh, Also, plus I can pretend not to listen to stupid people. There's that. but, okay, so the loop ear, but the loops, I, no, you haven't done 'em yet. Um, but everyone I know in your. We're not neuros spicy. Yes. You guys are her tap group, like you can see them before they go on stage. All of them are putting the loops in or they're going into rehearsal. There's gonna be a like 50 of them in tapping. Tap doesn't bother her. It's not one of her sensory issues. The rest are putting in their loops. Mm-hmm. y'all are kinda maybe just a little lovey kids, but, and all their parents, like for that group, the parents are like, oh yeah, loops are our, Mm-hmm. you I've got some in my bag. I've got some in my room. I've got some in another bag. My husband has a pair and he brings a second pair in case I forget mine. Like we are, we, we hoard them. Well, and like I've tried to explain to, I do not think you can do what we're doing with autistic wings at a traditional studio anymore. The further we're getting into it, the further I'm like, because you have to understand. We have an anti masking policy and parents are like, oh my God, you see my child? And you want them to not mask, Now but could have, boy, that almost took his face off in our classes, then he would finally shut up okay, she's hyper fixating on a thing. to that boy, but he talks too much and like he doesn't take that hard. He doesn't think that hard. Why is that? Hard Traditional dance studios don't allow loops during class. What? Really. The little ear thingies that everyone puts in that helps with the, painful. you have sensory issues around your ear. That's why we weren't doing loops with you. And you are fine in class. It's like when you get out and you are in and then you just want the headphones on. And I'm like, fine, you're gonna be people done anyways. Mm-hmm. I mean. A lot of studios, all those parents are yelling over each other. But even in class loops are a like huge thing to keep you from dying. And they're okay. They're okay. Regular headphones that go over ears.'cause a lot of times we have like that you don't wanna put something in your ears because it's just, it doesn't feel very great for a long time. I get the not wanting to have the regular headphones necessarily over the head in class, ears in class, kind of maybe I'm trying to be nice to the adults. I mean, if they can still hear, there's some noise canceling headphones that really do a knockout job of making it to where you can't hear most anything. Oh yeah. But only if my headphones, my noise can. yours are pretty noise canceling. But um. but I don't stupid That unfortunately, that's gonna be something you will hear for the rest of your life. But she's all upset up over there. Uh, I don't know. Technology has not gotten to the point of drowning out the stupid people. But don't know that it ever will, but people are getting more educated ish. amount of adults that are like, well, but the loops might be connected to their, uh, cell phones and they might be listening to music What's so wrong with music? In dance class, you should probably be listening to your teacher not Yeah, but up science. They bring up science and murder in my zoology Okay, so, my soul. The science and zoology so like more. putting me in a quicker grave, You know how autistic people are when your facts are wrong. Oh, to think you're stupid. I, I questioned how I'm not dead already. some of her dance teachers have had some very bad facts about science, and she still, how how am I not dead? And B, not catching does the. seems to be the old disease. do you know it's even more than just, um, facts. I have learned that. The language, the, the semantics of it. If, if someone uses the wrong word, my brain only fixates on the word. I'm like, but that's not right. And they're sitting here just flabbergasted because they have a meaning of it. Like, well, no, this is what I meant. I'm like, I don't get that. I need you to be to, to say this thing. And it, it seems as though, um, we're fighting them and we're fighting it, but we're not. We're just, I get hung up on the semantics of it. For anyone who's listening, masking is adaptive. We can e evolve with it and it can end up, it can look like success when reality we are just burning inside. And, but it look, it can look like scholastic success. It can look like professional success. you can get fairly far with masking and people. I think you're just Mm-hmm.' cause I have some friends who are in the public eye that mask, but they won't use the A word as they call it. That's, hmm. I, being in the public light drives me bananas because it gives you that ability to, to speak and, but not everyone wants to be the poster child for autism or ADHD or neurodivergence. And they're also from an older generation. They're all baby boomers. That, and, you know, with masking, masking makes it so much harder for people to get diagnosed with anything because, um, actually I saw a psychiatrist for my 12-year-old recently.'cause we did, we finally got the A DH ADHD diagnosis. It's taking years. Um, and I said this, I also see autism tendencies in this, this, this. He's like, no, you don't. I'm like, fun story. I'm now going to make you cry. And I got him as close to tears as I feel I needed to in that moment. But he still fought me for no, she can do everything. She's got good grades, she's got this, she's got this. I'm like, that's true. You can have this. And also this, it, there's just, there's a lack of education in what autism looks like in girls. There and the masking does not help. And we It doesn't. taught as girls to just mask period. And then you add. The Oh, but you're autistic, but you can mask, so nobody knows you're autistic. I'm also mad from that one episode because in the end of the episode, the autistic kids were apparently muted. at the end, Let's be honest. just saying, don't I have super powers if all kids got superpowers? Why? I have super bowels. Why superpower I a bat right here? Because you've not been bitten by a radioactive spider, There is that, Simon. I patriot with diet radiation though. Well, the to all Spiderman. like all arachnids. Then probably radiation allergies. uh, she has opinions on this one. No, I mean, we've had a month. Uh, where she's had people go, oh, because we're filming this at the end of April. Autism awareness, autism acceptance, dear Gen Z, we can have an argument on why we need both. Yeah, we're 7 but minutes. um, a lot of people going, oh, autism's your superpower. So it's not something that holds you back. superpower do I get now? And Bird will be, oh, hey, because I can barely do, apparently you see, I, I disagree with you. I do. I think our brains are superpowers. We have, everybody has a different version of it. The pattern recognition though That is, and the hyper fixation. We've seen your brain do that this whole time. they mean superpower superpowers. They mean superpower superpowers. Yeah. Well, they're wrong. Apparently. My, my heart may I explain what the adults mean because you're taking it wrong. What they're meaning is, 'cause autism is such a superpower, she doesn't need any accommodations. Oh, They're, they're not meaning it as, oh, look, this can be a, they're, she's got a superpower. She's autistic. She doesn't need the accommodations. And if she needs accommodations, they can decide what her accommodations are, which is a whole nother episode. We should have yam for. be that, oh my gosh. The idea of accommodations. I still need support and accommodations. With the accommodations. I'm not a cook in my family. My husband is a cook. If, if it came to us, we would eat bowls of cereal every day. I have had those moments where bowls of cereal for every meal. My dad makes the best biscuits in the world. I will have no if and or what or buts Woo. or this is scientifical I may also not do grocery stores. have not been to the commissary in almost 20 years. It overwhelms me. I send him to the commissary. Going to Home Depot and to Lowe's is very overwhelming for me. The things, the stores are the really high ceilings, Costco's Sam's, those are really hard too. I don't, they're just, I get really overstimulated. Yeah. And the overstimulation leads to masking. And the masking leads to a meltdown. And we are back to burnout because you can only have so many meltdowns before you full out burnout. Yeah. You can only push down your discomfort for so long until it's, I'm not leaving the house for a week. Yeah. And I don't think people like the burnouts. minutes. Yep. We, we. The burnouts. I don't completely think people understand how tied they are to trying to act what you wanted us to act. Which is like the burnout and just the meltdowns. Those, the, the things that it's, they can be preventable to a point, but our brains get really overstimulated and overwhelmed and that's okay. And if we need to take time away, that's okay. There's not, we're not being defiant, we're not being obstinate. Sometimes we just don't have that ability to control where our brain is at in this moment. I painted myself sometimes the smallest accommodations can keep you from having to get to that burnout. Mm-hmm. I think even for people like just learning their insight and, okay, what. Gets me to this level of panic. I'm not gonna get to this level. What gets me to this or this or this, and it's just kind of, I think of it as like the TSA scanner one. It's like scanning your body. Alright, where do I feel stress? Why do I feel stress? We told you an hour Chris did. and we are gonna have to have you Hey, we did good. We kept it mostly at an hour. 7, be a little bit that's being cut out so people are gonna go, what hour are you talking about? Um, Thank you for letting me be here. um. I know you've been all around the podcasting world lately. I'm so excited for you on that. I saw you were on April's adulting with autism and She sent me a shirt. Cool. I have not gotten my shirt from April yet. Ooh. She even has my name on the back. I felt so spiffy. Cool. Um, we, April's one of our good friends. She was. It was great to talk to. Your episode was amazing. I mean, she is an amazing podcaster. There's a reason she is climbing up the charts like there's no tomorrow. It's. What I like about the podcast world is we are able to, it. It's smaller than I thought it would be, and bigger than I thought it would be. At the same time, it's the reach for going out and I've learned so many different things and so many other ways to come in and be loud and just advocate. It is like this big and like huge. But then you're like over here. It's small, but congrats on being on all the podcasts you've been on lately. Thanks. It's been so much fun. I've learned if I have the ability to speak, I'm gonna use my voice because not everybody has this ability. Yeah. And you've got a TikTok. We're gonna put that down in the description below. Um, you've got Facebook, right? all the things. Got all the things. Have you started your own podcast yet? Kristen? We No, I, no, I've seen you podcasters. Y'all are working overtime. Mm. I just wanna come in and talk to y'all. Yeah, we'll just get you on a podcast as a co-host one of these days for someone. Right. I know a few people who are like, I'm not doing it. I'm just co-hosting. That's the way to go. So, um, yeah, I'm gonna, uh, probably grab a few of your other podcast episodes and link 'em below if you're willing to share Yay. Absolutely. Thank you. And we are definitely gonna have to have you back on the program. An hour is just not long enough. It is not, you have so much information and it is so amazing to talk to you because you've got a different perspective having grown up and being, not having all the each stuff with life sometimes, We should, I mean, LA Tap Fest exists. Well, yeah, but Dr. Kristen's down in Texas Texas area that gives you an excuse to go to Texas. huh? Like why airplane used, excuse to use another excuse to just see other. Hollywood Tap Fest is her big thing coming up and she Nice. hopefully, are you, Are you people? Okay, she's gonna have a new pair of tap shoes because I sent you, did you get the. I mean, that's our big news is she's got a tap shoe now to Kristina. go. That's so cool. I know. She's so excited and they're like, we didn't know she was gonna be this excited. But it's always great to make the company go. We didn't know she was gonna be this excited. Honestly, that's, I think that's another cool thing about autism is we have this ability to be so exciting and just excitedly happy for these things that it, it could be overwhelming for some people. I. Luckily the So Dona has been amazing working with her and they literally called their, they are custom making her new tap shoes, the ones I sent you. And they had to call down to their, doing it out of their Brazilian deal where they originally started and they're like, Whoa. to make sure this can work. And they were like, we wouldn't go to her to tell her. They made the picture and then realized Lita was going to fall in love with it propel. So they had to go see if they could actually embroider it onto the leather Oh my gosh. I, little, but it, it is coming, they are putting it through faster than anything else. They're putting it through like she's one of their dancers. So, wow. That's amazing. Yeah, then they're gonna open it up as a special order to the world it sounds like. Oh my gosh. that Pink could be pal. you go love on the kitties 'cause they need loving and I hear Jack Elvis barking up a storm upstairs. Okay, well. you do. See you next time. We will definitely have you on. Bye. bye.