Autism, Migration, and Motherhood: Loretta Lee's Journey From Malaysia to the UK

Join us on "Friends' Friday" as Loretta Lee joins us to share her journey as a neurotypical mom raising an autistic child after migrating from Malaysia to the UK. Discover how Loretta built a support “village,” navigated new systems, and found hope for her family. Connect with Loretta using the links below to access her resources and join her community.

Connect with Loretta Lee:
Website: https://loretta-lee.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DreamBigBreakRulesLiveFree
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/989124449015525/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/loretta-lee-pjk-mba-86519464/
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/loretta.lee
Free Resource: https://dances.loretta-lee.com/llltd-lead-magnet

Our Website: https://www.letatapstyles.com

Want to be a guest on Leta's Tap Styles (And My Autistic Life)?
Contact Amanda Trisdale on PodMatch: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/letastapstylesguest

Transcript

0:01

This is Leta and this is me and my mommy's and my mommy, and there's me, and I'm just talking about this stuff. And there's me tap dancing because this is the tap Dancing Autism podcast and there's bunch of animals and I'll be trying to in my hair and there's bunch of sand and. Dancing. Oh, also, they're my boots. My boots are amazing. Also, dance, me trying not to have a panic attack. Also, this is a podcast that we, autism and dancing and blah, blah, blah. I'm DHD. This thing. Also, just make your adorable pu.. Leta, do you wanna introduce the podcast? Me mom person, and. And that's her introduction of the podcast. Um, Loretta, thank you so much for agreeing to come on to lead us textiles in my autistic, uh, life. I am absolutely terrible at introducing our guest. I sound like a robot, or AI speaking. In fact, it. Has clocked me as AI a few times on the internet, and I'm like, has, do you mind introducing yourself so that this isn't AI I'm I'm usually very bad at introducing myself. Okay, I'm Loretta. I'm Loretta Lee. I'm a Malaysian. I'm living in the UK and I'm a mother of twin girls who are adult now. One of them is with ASD autistic spectrum disorder and the other one was later diagnose. dan simpan tiga unik, as ADHD. So, uh Fun and games you know at home when you were young. When I say fun and games, it's not really that it can be very very stranu and tough at times, but that's life. Ya. Okay. It is life. I know in the pre-interview we were talking about how difficult it is to get services. Correct. Well, in Malaysia, there were no services. But we didn't have the service, we go to government psychologist was trying to assess study her but not much help in terms of you know direction that time she was only diagnose dyslexic and I knew that she was dyslexic from very young. and she couldn't really read and when we send them to kindergarten, the other one, the second one could read very well. I mean she was reading like a seven, she was reading like this Harry Potter you know in Malaysia she was already reading Harry Potter. But that one reading was a problem and I used to get feedback from the kindergarten teacher your doctor cannot read your cannot read as if she is so stupid in my mind, I was thinking you know in Malaysia we not so advanced in the Western countries. I you are the teacher. Y job is to make her read, to help her to read. Why are you complaining to me you know. So Then we we later realize that being dyslexic you know is like Reading is not the main strength. So telling an adult who doesn't like to let's dance you know and make the person dance and take dance class. So there's no point making you do something which you are not good at. So, that's that's how I I I beg to learn and Sometimes as Asian you know we call some- sometimes you know it's like the dragon mother. you know their children in this case, I can't push my children and even when I was young I didn't like to be pushed. So, but you know, I thought I'm a very sort of compassionate person, understand people, people suffering and people's hardship. But I think being a mother of a child of children special needs I mean the idea compassion that we have to go through it like you know it's different, it's a different level. So that's that's the thing that I find. there is still a lot that I feel we're always having to tell educators about, uh, autism and dyslexia. I know with her dance, I have tried to explain to, at dance teachers. That it interfere. She has such severe dyslexia. It interferes with how she's tracking for like pirouettes. She can't track the way everyone else can, and her teachers are like, no, she can. She just needs to learn to deal with the migraine that comes along with it. What? And I'm like, there's a reason We started our own dance studio. And they're like, no, no, she'll just get used to the migraine. And I'm like, or we just don't. Oh. and how did you overcome that? I mean, how did you like stop, is there any way that ler you know any steps or any method that she uses that actually reduces her migraine when she's dancing. It's interesting. just, once we pulled her out of the traditional studios, uh. She's like, I use headphones for all the noise.'cause the noise in traditional dance studios, most of them around here have those fluorescent lights and the teachers do not, and studio owners don't understand fluorescent lights. Make an annoying sound if you're neurodivergent. Really? Yeah. that I learn everyday. And, um, for, uh, pirouettes and stuff, she just kind of went, I will just do this on my own, how I can do it. And it was fixed. What else? Go ahead. But all I was saying was I was six. What else was I supposed to do as a suppose I couldn't speak sentences or English at all. Barely. Okay. Um, but. She also would come outgoing. My tea, by the time she could talk and she was like 11 right before we left traditional dance studios. She's like, my teachers are just so dumb. They think I'm the dumb one. And they know nothing about neurodivergency or neurology. Ya. It's good that you step away from them and set your own thing. Do it yourself. That's the best. That's the best. Ya. Uh, you mentioned having to move or that you moved from Malaysia to England. Um, I know even in England it's probably not the easiest to get services. Yes, it's not easy because it's free in a sense of course if you want to pay private, it's gonna be very high price. So when I came over here some of the mothers were already complaining that they are not getting enough services bla bla bla. But now like ten eighteen years from now the resources that parents are getting are getting less and less and a lot of people are going private. So during that time when I was when I moved here, it took me about two years for her to go around the local pediatrician. Actually when I came here, within two months I got the local we call it surgery which is our doctor to refer to which is children and adolescence mental health services. But they refuse to accept her saying that she has got to go and see the local pediatrician. So we have to go every month or whatever time that needed. So I just take there and we have to see the psychologist speech therapy and other psychologist and it's a team you see. So they rotate and rotate and rotate. So, we spent about two years. You doing the round before she was like referred to camps. an island, an island. the importance of keeping records. So when the pediatrician told me asked me you know what she was like when she was young and luckily because I join a parent group in our area and the lady says you need to have good records if you want to apply for for disability living as a as a carer. So as a carer or caregiver, my daughter or my child has to be label as such that special needs before I can be a carier. So she says when you apply for that you need to keep records of the development, bad days, good days. So I decided to start to do a sort of the spreadsheet you know and whatever. So I I recorded from the day that she was born as far as I can remember how the development was and all that. So one day I brought to the the lady doctor. Oh, I've never seen anybody who has done this before. Wow. What are you? What are you? I said I'm a housewife. But she didn't know that I've got an MBA, but I was a housewife. That's correct. So, I've never seen anything like that, you know. And then I realized that it is so important to you keep records from the time that she goes to school and even when she was in school, I kept all the letters, all the appointments all the police report report. So now I'm going to write a book about it. Alta has a very large stack that is now digitalized of every single thing that her doctors have said. Every single thing a teacher has said, um, up until she was about 11 when she left therapies, and then it's just, you know, my stuff, or her developmental ped, her behavioral shrink. Every now and then we'll hear,'cause we talk as friends, they'll hear something and they're like, Hey, add this to her file right now. That's great. I mean that's great. And it's it's it's it's like a book. You can look back and that's that's how I grew up. This is the challenges and I think it's good to share that when the time comes when it's appropriate. Ya. You're over there going, I'm confused. Yeah, we all have copies of it too, so that if something happens, go ahead and say something. We, I have copies of all your medical records. She's like confused over there and I'm like, yeah, I have copies of everything Frank wrote and her, uh, developmental that mean you have copies of a people grabbing me with copies since I was one and a half, and B, how I broke my, yeah, I dislocated my hip. Yep, I have, so the coffee thing is her old pediatrician when we were living in New Mexico was one of my good friends when we would go to have coffee together. She was getting her Starbucks frappuccinos, and I'm like, I am not the one who's going to get yelled at by your physician's assistants when I bring her in for her next visit. It seems if her doctor's giving her the coffee, her doctor's getting yelled at, um, that definitely seems like not mommy's fault if the doctor is the one handing over the stuff to the 1-year-old that she probably shouldn't be bribing me with coffee at any point. Any who? Um, one thing I did wanna bring up, you have a daughter who wasn't diagnosed. Um, 'cause you get ki kids are twins at the same age. How was it raising one daughter who was supposedly typical and one daughter who was neurodivergent? well, it brings a lot of I think the main thing that I can I can now looking that is that. The amount of time I spend with the one with the disability, you know the disability at time and the other one behavior was not very typical but I couldn't explain why she's like that like for example she just can't still for dinner. L Sunday dinner we have over here that will cook like Sunday dinner. I'm not sure whether we have it in the US Sunday Sunday roastast pork or roast chicken and then we have it for lunch at two o'clock notelve o'clock. So she will be running about and going upstairs and running about. I can you please sit still and have dinner. No, she has to run about. and all that and she can't focus. So, but during the time when they grew up, a lot of time was spent on the one with AD and she feel left out. very much left out and I grew up in a family when my father was a very fair person. There were six of children in the family, but he treated us all very fairly not equal but fairly because different people have different needs and I wanted to have that in my family. But because of the demands place on the time that I have to give you know. more more time by default, although I'm very aware of that I'm a trainer, I was the corporate trainer and I te communication. So even though I do that, I did that so to me I try to spend more time with her but it wasn't enough. Until one day she told me why am I, why is her sister getting away with things like what she's got to do chores her sister don't have to do chores and things like that. So I said, Are you, are you autistic? no. Do you want me, your sister is autistic. Do you know what problem she has in school? S yes, she has problem with friends, yes, she has problem with communication, she has problem with the teachers and things like that. So I said you are not. So do you want me to treat you like I treat her like you have a disability? says no. I say yes, that's the reason why I don't treat you like you have a disability because you are normal. and my role and your sister, I said she can't do it even though she wants it. I cannot push her but it's a choice, even though it's by default, it's a choice. So that is what she is, you know, but for me as a mother the role of the mother is to make sure that the children grow up to be independent so that when they grow up, you know they can live on their own like for example, if you want to go to university, you have the living skills and asking you to do chores helping you with your living skills. So do you understand now mother, so I was quite happy. But it took me a long time to explain a lot of things with her and to specially make time to spend with her, especially when she grew to team and then later high school and going to college and all that, so I try to spend a lot of time with her. But I think She sometimes I feel so frustrated, but I I try not to reprimand her or scold her because I can understand her frustration. And I remember at one time you went back to Malaysia. um The first one the first one okay let's go shopping and go here go there and just do whatever she wants. And she is the one that has the feeling because the other one didn't have the emotional thing to process but she the one with ADHD has the emotional thing to process. And it was horrible in the sense that She was getting so like uh. frustrated in a lot of things and then my sister will say, oh look at her she is even worse than number one you know she's like so disobedient social can't do you want to do things she's like and all that why don't you scold I can't scold her. You know, but I understand her frustration, but that's why sometimes Family members tend to think that they are helping us by giving us advice but they don't understand the situation. I'm sure you you you you get that friends and family members. go too off on it. Yeah. She's like, don't, she's over in the background going, do not go off on it. Um, but yeah, no, we've had a lot of family members give advice that it's like, um, yeah, no, I, I'm not paying attention to that. Thanks for the advice. Um, but no, I even, she's gotten annoyed the older she's gotten going. I love you, but I don't need your advice. What I like about people who are as western world, people who are more like in the western countries, they are much much more assertive Whas Asians not that assertive but my children are mixed so they are quite assertive. But not me. It took me a while to learn to be assertive. It's definitely a thing that we have all learned to be assertive. Um, I think sometimes too much in her teenage years 'cause she has no filter when she's talking to people now, but. Oh ya, talking about filter. I mean, not my fault. You let me hang around the Congress people, I I don't care if you keep going. We didn't know you started being receptive. I'm pretty sure most people would check if the child was not figuring out what English learning, cus So she may have hung around politicians. She was non-res. We thought she was non-receptive and non expressive, and we don't know when she got that receptiveness and she was hanging around in the back rooms of politics around here and what people do in front of the camera and what we say behind cameras are two separate things. So she may have picked up some of the more spicy language as a young child. Yes. Oh, that's interesting. I'm just talking to a lady. Sorry, just continue, Go ahead. Ya, I was speaking to somebody like two days ago, she's a psychologist. S helps children with speech, you know, speech psychologist. So, so I was saying oh my daughter, she is very disrespectful. oh ya, people with ASD, they don't have a filter, they just say what they say. Ya. Yeah, no filter. Um, I had to, I went to. Multiple years of therapy to learn how to have a filter. I did wanna, because I think one of the things you said, I wanna circle back to the amount of times people are coming up to give you advice sometimes. Starts wearing down on, especially the main caregiver. Um, I've always worked from home and it's always been, she comes first. Um, hence why she was in a lot of meetings. She probably shouldn't have been in and we'll hit the Zoom, whatever. Um, but I'm not working full-time. My husband got to go out and like actually do the office stuff, but she's homeschooled. She's in the home. We're together all the time. So I'm like, I know her better than you. I'm around her all the time. But it gets very pamphlets draining sometimes when everyone comes up with all their wonderful suggestions of what you should do. Did you ever feel like that as mom? Yes, I I felt that with my family because we are very close family in Malaysia. But when I came over here, I do not have any friends. I don't have family. So the only people that I mix with I I you know became friends with were the group of parent car mothers especially and we go for meeting organized by this charity parent participation or those run by autism outreach. So those people that I mix with were already children with special needs. So I don't have that here in the UK. and my sister-in-law who actually lives in Scotland, she is actually a special needs teacher. So when we go there, she was very good. She could advise me to do certain things because she teaches you know children with special needs. So I don't find that in this country but in Malaysia yes. A lot of people try to why don't you discipline her, you know, Tach this way. give this discipline her. You know, stop her from doing this, stop her from doing that. My favorite was, can you just stop her from having autism? And I'm like, I have never stopped having autism. I don't know why you think she's gonna stop suddenly. You mean the people would actually say that? Yeah. Um, and you wanna take that one? also people who faked a list of us. The problems that aren't attached to the, or attached to the autism, like the real seizure or the better hip, or everything else that isn't attached to the autism. She's had, uh, teachers because she's got, had a bad hip injury when she was 11 months old. She popped it out of a joint. It never healed, right? It doesn't have full movement. And she's had people go, oh, is this because your're on. Autistic, No, it's because I was dumb 11 months old and my mother was laying my 11 months old brain watch Phantom of the Opera. I not the movie, the 25th anniversary. like that light guy. I, I was not like ballet light guy. I try to be bad, like I, and this is why you don't let autistic 11 months old to watch anything. Um, yeah, she tried to, if you've ever seen the, uh. West end production of Phantom of the Opera. She was trying to do some of the pirouettes and some of the ballet moves that one of their ballerinas does in that, but not in the movie. And everyone I know who's seen the movie's, like there's no major ballet in it. I'm like, go watch it on stage and come back to me. But it turns out 11 months old cannot pirouette the same way. An adult man who's been working for 20 plus years can. And she fell down on the tile. She dislocated her hip. The brilliant plan was, well, we'll just see if it goes back in, and it did not. And then I had to go through adult therapy. For physical stuff. Well, I haven't been used against 60 year olds a bunch. What did you have to do in therapy? She, they had to try and, um, teach her how to reuse the hip.'cause she wa it turns out, had started using her back to move her hip. So they were trying to teach her how to use her thigh to move her hip. And she was doing like. At six years old, like the monster walks and using the weights and using, uh, the TheraBands and all that, and her physical therapist is like, this is not fun to do with adults. Imagine trying to get a 6-year-old nonverbal, autistic kid to understand yes, yes, that must be interesting. and, uh, her, yeah, her orthopedic was, um, the, or is. Works with adult men and women who are coming back from, uh, overseas, uh, in the army. And he was using her against the veterans. Going, you're complaining. I don't see the 6-year-old complaining about doing her physical therapy. I'm also like, and she's nonverbal, so, and he is like, I don't care. Maybe you'll shut up the 50, 60 year olds from complaining. I'm like, you know, it's hard doing physical therapy. You should be able to complain. Um, view client. yeah. You hit on the fact that England has, and the UK has a lot more than we do, um, support groups for caregivers 'cause we don't have what support groups even within the therapy world for the caregivers. Was that kind of like a lifeline for you being around other parents of. That had to take care of their children and hearing from other people that you weren't alone. Yes. In fact, when I, when she was diagnose, the quickly gave me some information. These are the places that you can go and support. And I don't know about you are in the US right? I don't know about the US but in the UK there's a lot of charities and a lot of what do you call that, you know nonprofit as well. So I was given this letter to say that you can go to this meeting and some of the meetings are done by Autism outreach. Autism outreach is actually part of the the local council sort of a county council initiative all over the UK. It's it's like a body to help to understand and to work with students who has autism. So that's the school part. But the places that I go to the parents themselves they have the organize groups for like every month or so you have a certain type of meeting, don't know what day is it and you can go there and have a chit chat. And there are also certain groups like they call it man mental and physical disability or whatever where they also have a coffee morning and we can go and have a chit chat. And in this meeting what they do is this ladies are of course they have children who have already grown up. So they volunteer their time and when we go there like if we have a problem with school or we have to apply for certain help or certain assistance to the government like to apply for a carrers allowance or to apply for the child to have a disability allowance. Because over here in England if your child has a disability, they are actually given financial support. And once your child is actually has a disability label, you know they call it label People, my child to be. Without the label you cannot access this sort of support. So the label is very important. So it helps so once you got the label, then you can be a carer and the government will pay you a bit of money, not a lot but at least it's a recognition that you know you are caring because it's a very very tough job caring for children. And there will be a lot of so called group, you know, like we have one in Birmingham, they call it whatever and some of these groups they will have some for those who are physically disabled some for autism, some for down syndrome. So all of them sometimes get together and they will organize events, just meetings and sometimes they have lawyers, they call it solicitors who will help you help the parents to access services from the school if the school is not giving the child the services or they can be some special need that the child can go in. So these are all free because I think the the the law firm will have some funding for that. So it's all very supportive, very very good compared to Malaysia which is nothing. We, I think she's over there going, oh, we would love to have that. Over here. Um, we are kind of trying to start that with our dance studio, but a lot of the stuff you're talking about are paid groups over here, or you pay someone to help get you through as an advocate through the school system. It's all based on Yeah, and it's like it would. Be nice. I think I didn't need it as much as some of the other parents.'cause when they said she was, uh, autistic, I'm like, yes. She's like me and her dad. I am good. We can handle this. I'm not sure. I would've handled a neurotypical kid very well. Well, it least better than people going. When your child got diagnosed, how did you feel? You neuro and you neuro divergent husband. You people keep trying to say creep creepy stuff too, like still, still don't care that he's a male. I still know you're a creep towards my father. You people who keep saying you can give a better child, you creeps I, well just cut. She's had some peop or we've had some people come up to my husband going, hi, don't you want a normal child? And I'm like, if you spent enough time around him, you would know he's neurodivergent too. el. I would you like to walk away from my father before this gets bad because I don't care if my father doesn't care about you acting like that. I do. And I don't care about Juy when it comes to him. My father, I. Calm down. He gets more overwhelmed around people than either of us. Get, um, the joys of having a completely neurodivergent family. Um. But no. So like I knew, and I'd already been an advocate within the, uh, political world going, okay, here's what she's qualified for. Here's how we get more than what the school system's offering. And I knew it all, like the back of my hand. And I'm talk, always talking to new parents who are neurotypical. They're coming into the community for the first time. They don't know all of our. Shorthand for all the therapies. They don't even know the difference between speech therapy and occupational therapy. And there's nowhere for them to learn it. And they feel like they're barely treading water and all their family's like, well, why do you need to go to occupational therapy? Because, uh, the doctor said, so, doesn't necessarily get you very far with your family sometimes, Ya. Can I just this, I think that the relationship between you and Leta and compared to me and my daughter because I might be ADHD but as you say coming from a typical you know you know neurotypical parent almost. and getting to to to my daughter's neuralg it it's difficult. But I can see that you can relate to her so easily you know and the bond is so easily like just there I have to I my hair. What's going on? I don't understand and it took so long it so much effort. That's what I was wondering about is like did being in these groups where, I'm guessing there were lots of other people who. Were neurotypical parents dealing with neurodivergent kids help you realize you weren't the only one.'cause I know we've had some parents go, how are you so easy? And I'm like, 'cause I understand her. I can't talk to you parents 'cause you're neurotypical and I don't understand you, but I understand her and your kids. Um, did being in a caregiver group where there were other people who had the same situation with your relationship with your daughter, help you at all? Ya, beginning it was so traumatic and so I went for the first few meeting and sometimes say oh my daughter is this and that I will start crying and because I do not know how to deal with it, like almost every month I go to Maybe two meetings or three meetings and I'll be crying. I'll be crying and then one day I why am I going there? I shouldn't be going there. So I stopped going there for a while until I got better and to accept more things and then then only I I went there. That was the time when my daughter was in junior school and then high school. So later on as we got we got along, I was just doing the best at second. T in the area where I live because I was not working. I actually volunteered, you know, there's a lot of things that I received oh I received so many help from the community. So I I want to contribute. So I like to cook. So I decided to contribute to the love Food Headways initiative in Leicestershire. So it's it's like we volunteer to help the community to reduce food waste. So we went for meetings and all that, we learn some cooking and then we are supposed to teach cooking and reducing waste in our community community where we live. So I said, okay, I'm gonna do my Malaysian cooking. So I went to do a few a few parish where I live is called Ba. There's another one called and the bigger one is called Hink. So I did this cooking classes. So I work with the community people and I teach them how to cook. They were about six classes. I show them Malaysian cooking and the the last one I said I've never been to a real English family to have real English meal. so can you cook the English meal so that I can try it. So we had that it was fun. So because of my association with that, I came to know about carrers because they know that I'm a carer. So there are other community workers that introduced me to some other carrers and at that time that car son was already thirty years old about late twenties. So we said we want to have a group. So we started a group. Slowly we begin to get more people together and we form a group and then we started applying for funds like for example the parish or maybe this thing Rotary Club. Do you have Rotary Club in US? We do. So we we apply they have some funds we apply for some funds so we get the funds and then we say okay with this, we're going to do a barbecue for example. So we had a barbecue and we invited more carrers so our network increase. So later we also apply for funding to do something for us for self care and relaxation. And then we will told that you can get even more funding if you are a registered body. So was very good in the sense that the Leicestershire lady they send somebody to talk to us about different types of body association a type of that we want to call ourselves whether it's a charity or it's like just constituted or it's just a local you know. So we found that just being a constituted body that means we don't have to have a charity, you have to have what do you call it? You have to handle money, get donation and then you have to have a record, you have to keep track of how much you spend and you have to go for an audit every year. So we said no we're not going to do that, we're all carrers, we don't have time. So we just become a constituted thing that means we have a constitution, have a bank account and then we can start applying for funding. So that's what we did. We have two different levels of nonprofits here, and thankfully the last. Year we were in the under 50,000 in donations, so we did not have to get audited yet. Once we go above 50,000 a year, we have to get audited and I'm like, that will be fun. Ya, it's a lot of work if you have to audit and it cost money as well. So now we are just like a constituted so But the thing is people like Rotary Club or the Lions Club, they don't they don't give you the donation to pay for somebody to help you or to pay for they call it employee. So every year we will have a fashion show, we doing it since like many years. We have a fashion show and this fashion show is unique in the sense that the company that does the fashion show that supplies the clothes are actually working for their own charity. So we have our own group. So what we do is we rent a place for the fashion show which is just like a pub, you know, there's a lot of pubs in the evening. So the ladies will bring the clothes and we will sell the tickets. So we sell it about five pounds per entry and we do raffles and then we are the models because we are normal people, normal normal people comes in all shapes and sizes. So we have tall, big one, slim, petit like me and we we we will be the models. So we'll model and we bring friends over and we have a love and people buy and we make money. So sometimes we raise about six hundred to eight hundred pounds every year. just enough to pay the lady to help us to apply for all the budget, apply for the things that were supposed to be eligible for which is very helpful. That actually sounds like fun. We're talking about putting together a pickleball tournament to raise funds for her dance studio. Yeah, Can you explain to me, I I do not know what is that. so pickleball is a thing here in the US that, uh. you can use a pickle for a ball. I want to now I want to. Why is it called pickle ball? If you can't use a pickle for a ball? You mean you pickle the ball, pick the ball in vinegar. So they take, they kind of combine, um. The best way I can explain this, having been in racket sports for a long time, uh, I did racketball forever and still do. Uh, you take a tennis court, but you take a, uh, paddle from like the ping pong court and then you have a ball that has holes in it and is really like plastic. So you're kind of playing badminton mixed with tennis mis with, uh, ping pong. At that 40 minute mark also, so why can't I use a pickle for ball? It's called pickle ball. So why can't I use a pickle for a ball? It's called pickle ball. It's become really popular over here in the US and, uh, they've started. Working towards having an international sports body that's recognized by the International Olympic Committee. So we'll see if it makes it to into the Olympics in the next few years. It's really popular with everyone around here and I'm like, we're need something unique and something that the kids can the reason for it being called pickle ball?'cause I don't see a reasoning. I saw a ball with holes. It's more of a sponge, so soon be sponge. I actually do not know 'cause it's like a waffle ball that they're using, which is another type of racket sport. And she's looking at me weird. Yeah, I tried to stay off the outdoor courts and stay inside in the nice air conditioned racketball courts. Um, we are getting towards where we said we'd let you go. I would love to have you back on the podcast, if you don't mind later. Loretta, Sy, sy, sy. And I have I have a sort of what you call that a download that you can use for parents who have you know like us. I have one that actually some tips on how to save time if you want then I can send it to you and our listeners can download it. I'll send you an email with everything that, including that and I'll make sure that's in the description and on our website. Um, I wanna make sure we hit everything important to you in the podcast. Was there anything else you wanted to tell our audience real quick? Well, like, you have 10 minutes to talk about it. Ya, because you'll be wondering what am I doing now because when I was carrying I wasn't actually working. I was feeling so frustrated and I was telling myself I got to do something about it. I got to do something about it because I feel so unfulfilled and as a car of course. We are cares, it's frustrating, it's what I told myself, I just want to get my life back. you know. So then I was thinking about it what what am I good at? you know. So I said, well, I used to have a business, I got a team and the business was successful and I'm a trainer, I'm still a trainer. So I like to give, I like to share, I like to cook, I like to share my food. So it's the motherly part of me. So I said being a coach is a non brainer. So I decided to become a coach. Because I do not know how to coach. So I went for a course that actually gives me the coaching skills and the steps. So I'm now actually a life mastery consultant and because I still feel very passionate about women because when we have to we form a women's group around where where we live we didn't get into it earlier on. Tout carers, time up group for carers and when we have that group, I don't see any women who have business women who have responsible job working coming to our meeting. Even though it's in the afternoon we have it in the afternoon, but we also have it in the evening. So where do this ladies get help? Where do they get support? Because when I was going to all those meetings as I was telling you organized by you know parents carers and all that. The children were young and most of them are like full-time cares. So, where do these people who are working get their support. So I thought I want to do something about it. So that's why I come up with a program called the Ser empowered caregivers program which is actually for women entrepreneurs or business women who are caring for the special needs child. Because as entrepreneurs we sometimes fed up of balancing our business and the caregiving responsibilities and when you have a business, cash flow is always a problem inconsistent. So my main thing is to help the ladies to have a system where they can work and also to help them to see how they can help the cat for the program is not for the, for the carers to care for the special needs child like you carry for later and if they are siblings to take care of the siblings because I know twins So that she can have a harmonious family. And to me to have a harmonious family is so important because I have spoken to a lot of people who have siblings who have special needs and most of them say when I was younger I didn't realize I ask myself, why is my mother putting so much time on my brother and you were very angry, we couldn't understand and there's a lot of resentment and I grew up you know with that resentment and later on when I was an adult, I realized why my mother was doing that. But then by then the damage has been done. And some people never get to reconcile with that and they bring it to the adult life and affects the family personal family you know as they go on and build all the family. So I think it's a very important thing. So I'm really really passionate about it. And, uh, there is not enough support for women who are working and are doing the leading businesses. And I know here in the US there's more of a, if you were leading a business and it's not autistic led or even. I've had people come up to me with her as the CEO of her, uh, dance studio and go, well, I mean, shouldn't you not have an autistic daughter because you can be a CEO. And I'm like, I just need somewhere I can go where there's some place I'm not being judged for the autism. In fact, I have a lot of I've come across a lot of women. they they are working and they decide to start their own business. start small business in the beginning and especially those who are in HR human resources. because there's too much fck in the in the company, they have to work so much time. So a lot of women now I I speak to who have children with special needs, they decide to become their own boss. because then it's more flexible for them. But they must learn how to you run the business. you know manage the time and not all of some of them are very successful, which is good but not all of them are that successful and I find that the most important element in the business is of course the business ability and the very big part of it is the support system. Like me, I don't have any support system, so I have to bied myself. But some people they have quite good support system and they can go very far. That support system is so, so important and, um, we are gonna have to have you on again if you're okay with an entire episode, just about the support system for entrepreneurs. Ya. Um, is I, I know you're gonna send me the worksheet. Uh, do you mind telling our audience where they can find you online? Online you be Loretta Lee dot Loretta. okay. My website is Loretta dash Lee dot com. Um, we'll make sure that's in the description below. Um. Ya. And if you wanna send me the links for all the, or for your, everything you talked about today, we'll make sure that's in the description and on our website. Um, I think I'm at the point she's talking to the dog. The dog is down here, so if you hear her in the background, it's the dog has come down. Um. I think, uh, we're putting together a resource page for our podcast website 'cause I've noticed there's not like a comprehensive resource page for autistic parents. And I would love it if you're okay with us putting your resources on our resource page, um, because. She's spending too much time. She's distracting me. I'm like, you're making my a DHD flare up child.'cause the doggy came down the stairs and, and doggy gets all the attention now, right? Um, I just, everything from, you know, talking about the fact that you had, because I can't speak to having a neurotypical child'cause I've only got one child. She is an only child. She remains an only child. Um, and. Everything you have, I really think our listeners are gonna get so much out of this interview. I hope so, I hope so, that's the whole idea, right, we are doing it is to help other parents. Yeah. And I don't, like I said, here in America, a lot of what they're getting, where they're getting their resources are coming from podcast episodes like this. Really? Yeah. There's not, yeah. There's not a. Group you can go to and go, Hey, where are all the resources? I know even our dance studio parents have complained that the therapy groups in town don't have like a list of resources for, uh, autistic activities our kids can do. Ya. Ya, ya. I think I think it takes a lot of time like for a carer to be able to finally you know get through the resources but I hear a lot of parents complain like oh my child has this specialist and the government doesn't anything we don't know what to do. So my my advice is You have if you want let's say for example your child is very smart and you want to send your child to school and you want to look for a scholarship you got to go to the search. where the scholarships are available. So as parents, we have to go and look and the first step I did was to attend all the meeting organized by the school and from there we can start going to more meetings to places where you can get information. And if you nowadays with online, there's so much information that you can get. the information is there, you it's better if there's somebody who you can speak to discuss and then to find out which are the ones that's better for you and you can meet people who advise you. And I one thing I know is that there's a lot of resources for the catf for the carers to help the catf. There's not a lot of resources for the car. So now there's I find it, it's quite a shift there's more websites and there's more em support for carriers now in the UK. I'm not sure about the US. We don't have any support for the carers. Some of these kids, you're supposed to be able to get respite care, but that's one thing I've learned to argue with insurance on for other people going, no, they deserve the respite care and. The insurance is like, well, we just don't wanna pay it this week. Ya. I think as insurance it is like private. But over here, if I recall my earlier days, we do have respite care but as a carer, every year, you will be given life. Two hundred and fifty pounds. which is like three hundred dollars for you to go for a holiday day off and that's it. That's it. But the other charities, I remember once I was in the parents group ya this charity who giving you this and that you go and apply. So I go and apply and they ask you what you want. I say, oh, you can apply for a computer. Okay I apply for a computer and then I got a computer. Um, we're at the 52 minute mark. She's my little producer. She keeps me up. Ya, I know. Um, she's really good at how long you want this thing to go, because at this point we're gonna go to an hour. I have it scheduled for, she's really good at this. We are definitely gonna have to have you back on Loretta, if you don't mind. Um. fun speaking to you both. We had a blast speaking and she starts speaking more. The more that you're on the program. Ya, I think I should do that. Well, uh, now it's get to, Can we go alright, we'll wrap this up because I also noticed that the little, uh, we've got a pity staffer mix and there's a fly in this, uh, room and he does not like flies. pity war having a panic attack. He does not hunt mice. Pitties were originally made to hunt mice. He does not care. He wants to go for the smallest small place and he doesn't even have a brain. And the hunting dog is better in the, the thing that's literal, just Trump. Well, we Well, we are gonna let you go. Thank you so much for coming on the program, Loretta, and we will have you on again. Talk to you late. to you and I love to see your I love to see your both of you, you know that so much energy and connection. I love that. Thank you so much. Thank you later.