Reclaiming Your Hue: A Podcast for Women Rediscovering Themselves in Motherhood & Entrepreneurship
Motherhood and entrepreneurship are powerful journeys—but they can also leave women feeling drained, unseen, or lost. Like flamingos who fade while nurturing their young, women often put everyone else first and lose their own hue. Reclaiming Your Hue is about the moment when women remember their brilliance, reclaim their vibrancy, and step into who they were always meant to be. Hosted by Kelly Kirk, this podcast shares faith-led encouragement, inspiring guest stories, and practical strategies for harmonizing life, family, and business.
Why Listen / What You’ll Gain
- Inspiring stories of women who found themselves again after seasons of loss or overwhelm
- Practical tips for building businesses without sacrificing your sense of self
- Honest conversations about the challenges and beauty of motherhood + entrepreneurship
- Encouragement rooted in faith while welcoming diverse women’s voices
Listen In For: mompreneur journeys · reclaiming identity · harmonizing life & work · authentic entrepreneurship stories
Reclaiming Your Hue: A Podcast for Women Rediscovering Themselves in Motherhood & Entrepreneurship
Ep. 66 with Ashley Hawks | Founder, Soar Groups
Why Self-Discipline Is the Highest Form of Self-Love
Have you ever felt torn between your ambitions as an entrepreneur and your dedication as a parent? In this deeply personal conversation, Ashley Hawks, founder of SOAR Groups, reveals the transformative journey that took her from childhood lemonade stands to building multiple successful businesses while raising two children.
Ashley introduces a refreshing approach to entrepreneurship with her "Ready, Shoot, Aim" philosophy, challenging the perfectionism that keeps many aspiring business owners stuck in planning mode. "No business ever failed because they had too many sales," she shares, emphasizing that action trumps perfection every time.
The heart of our discussion explores how self-discipline becomes the ultimate form of self-love, especially for high-achieving women. Ashley vulnerably shares her rock-bottom moment—working through early motherhood at an unsustainable pace until her body literally began shutting down. This crisis became the catalyst for her current success, teaching her to "sharpen her ax" rather than simply chopping harder.
We dive into the fascinating parallel between entrepreneurship and video games, where each new level requires different skills and where the characters you meet along the way become crucial allies in later stages. Ashley explains how surrounding yourself with the right peer group—people outside your industry who understand your core values—can provide perspective impossible to gain on your own.
For mothers balancing business ambitions, Ashley offers practical wisdom on involving children in your professional life, creating meaningful boundaries, and releasing the guilt that often accompanies success. Her mantra of taking bigger risks sooner will inspire anyone hovering at the edge of a bold decision.
Whether you're an established entrepreneur, a mother juggling multiple priorities, or someone contemplating your first business venture, this conversation offers both the encouragement and practical strategies to help you reclaim your authentic self while building something meaningful in the world.
Resources:
Connect with Ashley:
- LinkedIn: Ashley Hawks
- IG: @soargroups
Contact the Host, Kelly Kirk:
- Email: info.ryh7@gmail.com
Get Connected/Follow:
- The Hue Drop Newsletter: Subscribe Here
- IG: @ryh_pod & @thekelly.tanke.kirk
- Facebook: Reclaiming Your Hue Facebook Page
- CAKES Affiliate Link: KELLYKIRK
Credits:
- Editor: Joseph Kirk
- Music: Kristofer Tanke
Thanks for listening & cheers to Reclaiming Your Hue!
Welcome everybody to Reclaiming your Hue, where we are dedicated to empowering women to embrace and amplify their inherent brilliance. Our mission is to inspire mothers and entrepreneurs to unlock their full potential and radiate their true selves. I'm your host, kelly Kirk, and each week, my goal is to bring to you glorious guests as well as solo episodes. So let's dive in. Good morning, ash Good morning.
Speaker 2:How are you so good. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:You're so welcome. I'm honored and so happy. I know that we've met only one other time and it was ironically at the reclaiming your hue anniversary event, which was just so incredible, and thank you for your generous gift. I appreciate it party um, but to see you in person again. First and foremost, you're a I love the color that you're wearing right now.
Speaker 2:I tried to do pink. This is as close as we could get.
Speaker 1:Did um. Did you ever do like a color analysis thing?
Speaker 2:where I want to there's a gal in town that does it. I'll send you her name.
Speaker 1:Have you? I'm like dangerously close to having this done. So I just actually had a gal on who she's a stylist and she doesn't. She doesn't promote that. She does the color analysis stuff, but she's like she had mentioned it when I interviewed her for the podcast and I was like, hey, tell me a little bit more about this Cause.
Speaker 2:I think I've got a.
Speaker 1:I've got a good pulse on it, but anyways, the reason I bring it up cause this is not about me, it's about you is this is a great color for you. Well, thank you, it's just so fantastic.
Speaker 2:I love it. I have to admit I don't understand the whole color theory. I know it's a thing and I know people are into it. I just I haven't quite figured out, like my brain is too, I think like numbers, logical to understand, but it's fun the woo-woo around it.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll tell you a little bit more once I like actually go through the process, and then maybe there will actually be some like definitive analytical stuff behind it too. So stay tuned, that'll nerd out. Stay tuned, all right, first thing first. Before we dive into the meat and potatoes, as I like to say, I would love for you to share with the listeners how it is that the two of us got connected.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Well, your name first came on my radar through Instagram you found me on.
Speaker 1:Instagram, even before you met my husband and it was very serendipitous you and your husband were.
Speaker 2:you guys are in the real estate space, mine's in the mortgage space. You guys met. He insisted that, oh my gosh, you have to meet my wife. Our energies and you know just our the way our brains go a million miles an hour. And I think the first thing you, you did when you looked me up was oh my gosh, we already follow each other and we had never met.
Speaker 1:So and then just like to piggyback off of that. So Constantina Waters, who I met um at the very tail end of last year. I've been connected with her since then and I had I noticed that she had been to I think it was the Minneapolis St Paul Business Journal.
Speaker 2:The Women in Leadership.
Speaker 1:Yes, Yep that, and she had posted a picture with you and then just mentioned some of the awards that you've received and I was like who is this woman? I must know who she is. So that's how I started following you and then enter, mitch, the serendipitous moment of going like yeah, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:So I just love it. The only person in this town that knows more people than I do. I swear I love her. And she's a great connector right, you know, as soon as you you you mention something, or man, I'm looking for this or I'm working on that, she goes.
Speaker 1:I've got someone for you I want to introduce and she does, she follows through on it. She's great she, she absolutely does. She's had said, leaving here last week, she's like I've got like I don't know no short of five, maybe ten people that I could get you introduced to, so you just let me know when you wrote down a name that I want to introduce you to.
Speaker 2:That's why I carry a notebook with me everywhere. My brain goes too fast. I can't remember everything.
Speaker 1:I love it. Well, and I love too when Mitch made the introduction for us and we scheduled the time to hop on a quick phone call which ended up taking I think it was like I shouldn't say taking like I so enjoyed our conversation and I wanted it to continue, but I think it was like what? Almost almost two hours.
Speaker 2:Yeah, an hour and a half, and we joked. We're like we should have been recording this, like this should have been the podcast.
Speaker 1:I know. So maybe we can end up pulling out some of what we had talked about then. But yeah, I just thoroughly enjoyed that. And the reason that I bring up that conversation is because you literally had made a note of like maybe you remember this when there's some people who are literally like stuck back here on this particular failure and I'm paraphrasing, right you, the way that your brain works is like you're literally already on to the next business plan or the next business plan and you're like you've built that up while somebody might still be sitting back here kind of wallowing.
Speaker 2:Ready, shoot aim. I love it. Yeah, most people are ready aim, ready aim. And I even shared with you like I run into this problem too, where I try to have everything perfect, I think most entrepreneurs are perfectionists and we're a little OCD sometimes, but I think the worst trap you can get caught in is this ready aim mentality.
Speaker 2:And you have to have. I met with a gal a couple of weeks ago. She has this great business idea. She reached out, she wants some mentoring and I'm letting her talk and she's sharing all these ideas and she's hiring a business coach and she's working with this. You know this money person and she's now getting a loan and she's doing all this stuff. And I said, well, what is after all this? What, what's the name of your business? Well, um, well, I don't have that yet. Okay, well, you know, just like, go out, have you made any? So she's making jewelry. I said have you?
Speaker 1:made any jewelry.
Speaker 2:Well, no, not yet, because I have to get you know the Shopify and I've got to you know, do this. And I actually have to go to school to figure out how to make the. And I said why do you have to go to school to make the jewelry, like you've got the designs?
Speaker 2:there's people out's, there's this fear and I think sometimes we, we call it perfectionism but, really it's, it's fear of failure and it's procrastination, but we mask it as this pretty like oh, it has to be perfect, ready aim. But, like you said, the truth is, if I can go out and I can shoot and I can sell, and I can figure out what people are liking and what's not working, and testing five different things, I may fail on all of those different things, but I'm learning so much and I'm adjusting my aim at each point.
Speaker 1:So, while you're figuring out your logo, I've already, you know, made a couple thousand dollars in sales, and it literally was, and again, that's a, that's a paraphrase of it, but I I loved how you were just like, as, as you're sitting back here wallowing or trying to figure this out, I've already done X, y, z, and I think that that's just so indicative of, like the essence of a true entrepreneur. Right, there are these little setbacks that are going to end up happening, but it's just how quickly can you move through it? And the quicker that you can do that, the better it's going to be.
Speaker 2:Well, you have to expect those set. The better it's going to be. Well, you have to expect those setbacks.
Speaker 2:You are going to hit a challenge every single day in some way, shape or form. Like we are, we're entrepreneurs, we're business owners. The point of having a business is to help somebody else's problem and if you are expecting things to be smooth sailing and then a little blip or a speed bump comes up and your whole, your whole plan is you know goes up in flames, expect, I grew up in the wedding industry and I would tell my brides expect like three to 10 things to go wrong on your wedding day. No, I've planned and I've hired a planner and I've got a coordinator and I've got this. No, no, no. But I mean you remember things are going to go wrong and if you, you go into it that with that mindset when something happens, it happens, we deal with it, we roll with it. But if you have planned and planned and planned and nothing can possibly go wrong, and one thing goes wrong and it's going to throw up your whole night, you spend the rest of the night crying in the bathroom. What a waste.
Speaker 2:So you do have to roll with it you do have to expect that things are going to happen and and just go well here's another learning opportunity.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know put this in the book A hundred percent. Okay, I we're going to really dive in deep to this, but before, before we do so, I would love for you to also share what came first for you. Was it entrepreneurship or was it motherhood?
Speaker 2:I think I've been an entrepreneur since I was a kid, without even realizing it. When you sent over the questionnaire, I'm like oh my gosh, I was. I was taking deposits for trees door to door in my neighborhood Cause I thought we needed to plant more trees, and I figured out that if I could silly, my dad would make me put together a business plan when I did a lemonade stand.
Speaker 2:So we lived on a cul-de-sac, so I couldn't do it at my house. We were, you know, at the dead end. I wanted to do it out where the traffic was. Well, he made me do a written letter to ask permission to use their property to set up my stand. And then I had to put together my plan. He's like you're not using my cups and my ice and I'm buying all the ingredients for you too.
Speaker 2:So I had to put together on paper, as like a kid you know, probably the same age as our boys to make sure that I was making profit and to understand well, if I bring in my brother to help or one of the neighbor kids, what am I going to pay them? How is that going to cut into my profit? And sometimes it took all the fun out of it. It was like, well, I'm not going to make any money. Yeah, you learned hard and quick. But it also makes you a little bit more guarded when you do bring on somebody that's going to help you out, because that's half the money that I could have taken home. Am I going to get, you know, the expensive lemonade, or am I going to get the lemonade that's on sale? Like which packets am I going to get. So you start thinking about all those little things as a bigger picture versus just, you know, going into it with nothing can go wrong. Let's just get all the things and see what happens.
Speaker 1:What an incredible way to sort of kickstart entrepreneurship for you. Nothing better than having a parent model for you. Exactly what that could look like when both my parents were entrepreneurs.
Speaker 2:My dad owned a law firm and my mother owned a bridal shop. So, and growing up kind of a girly girl, this was a dream to go there after school. That was the family business. So we, we worked every day, um, and. And so I learned firsthand from them what it looks like to, um, not only do something you love, but really the importance of doing something to serve others and how much joy that can bring you. Yeah, if you go into it with that mindset versus how much money am I going to make? Versus you know what kind of stuff can I buy, you're doing something that you love, you're making other people happy, you're solving a problem for somebody. So much more fun, there's so much more value. Like, as humans, we are designed to feel like we contribute to society. Right, if you are just consuming all day long without giving anything back, after a while you're going to feel very, very empty. We are hardwired to feel like we are part of something, that we are needed, that we are valuable, that we're contributing.
Speaker 1:Isn't that the truth? Ooh, I think there is something to be said to when there's this, um, when you start to get into this mindset of woe is me or the world, is this, and how could it get any better? The quick and easy cure for that is to go and serve, whether it's, you know, like donating your time to support others, like support a nonprofit, or just like do highway cleanup for God's sakes, like I'm just I'm actually rattling off some of the ways that we've actually served our community and given back.
Speaker 2:Feed my starving children. Yeah, That'll, that'll, you know. Put, put your mind in the right place.
Speaker 1:But the reason that I bring that up is it's literally in tandem and in parallel to what you're talking about, with how we as humans are hardwired to be in a village, in a community and to serve and to have a deeper sense of purpose Other than. How do I make money? How do I generate revenue? How do I do this? How do I generate revenue?
Speaker 2:How do I do this? How do I serve myself? The serving of self can be very detrimental. I was really intentional, especially when they were little, to never use the phrase what do you want to be, Because that's a very selfish thing. I want to be a cowboy, I want to be an astronaut, I want to be a ballerina. Instead, we say how do you want to serve people? What do you like to do? What? What kind of gifts do you have that can help others? And so it's reframed their thinking of. You know, my daughter loves jewelry and beading and making little little things that you can wear right.
Speaker 1:I have my bracelets on and that she made. Are these the?
Speaker 2:T-Swift ones, or did she just? Make them we've been doing these long before, like she got into this yeah.
Speaker 2:So these are my, my little mom bracelets, my daily reminder, because, you know, sometimes I forget I have kids. I know it's, it's terrible. Okay, there's got to be somebody else out there where you are, like in the groove in the office, and all of a sudden somebody asked if you want to go to happy hour. You're like, yeah, happy hour sounds awesome. And then, like five and it's not a long time, you forget you have kids. But you know, like a minute or two you go nope, nope, I have kids, they're at school. I need to get my kids, like you. Just it's a moment.
Speaker 1:I can empathize with you on that wholeheartedly, I know.
Speaker 2:Wholeheartedly Judge if you want, but we've all been there but yeah, there's no judgment here.
Speaker 1:I literally gave you a prime example of the event that I was at last night and I was like, oh, I'm going to grab no, I'm not going to grab another glass of wine.
Speaker 2:We spend more time being non-moms than we have being moms. So I'm still. I tell my daughter all the time like cause, she's 12. So we get into it sometimes and I remind her. I'm like I'm new at this, I have never been a mom before Like I am figuring this out too Right. And as soon as you figure it out with the nine-year-olds, then they turn 10 and you're like, ah, I've never had a 10-year-old before.
Speaker 1:This is different.
Speaker 2:This is a whole new level I've never done level 10 before. There's just a whole level of patience that we have to have for each other. Oh, my gosh, and it is. It makes her laugh a little bit and she's like, okay, I remind her. Like okay, I remind her, like I'm, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm going to use that. Yeah, I'm going to be a team.
Speaker 1:I'm going to use that with the boys. Well, in my circumstance looks a little different with them, cause I I entered their lives when they were, you know, um, let's see four and six, and so it hasn't been that long that I've been in their lives. So it is to your point, ash. It's like there's just different levels that we, as mothers, encounter as our, as our children start to age.
Speaker 1:And then I've got Maddie, who's two and a half, and it's like whoa, we are in the sass phase right now and I'm like this is a new revelation, not a great one, but we're just gonna breathe through it and you learn so much about yourself through all of it too.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, when I lose, all the time, when I lose my temper, I try to go okay. Why am I reacting to this? Because I shouldn't, I shouldn't be losing my temper that you know she did something, or you know I asked 10 times and they didn't do it and then I lost my shit. Why, what is going on inside of me that I am reacting, that way, yeah, there's there's a lot of self-learning.
Speaker 1:Yes, there is Okay. So all I keep thinking about is the parallels of what we're talking about right now, as it pertains to entrepreneurship as well, because there is a lot of self-development and growth. I mean, speaking from the queen of like you've, you're literally helping other individuals go through self-development and grow and soar. I'm just going to drop that. I love a good pun.
Speaker 2:I love a good pun.
Speaker 1:Yep, but I do think that there are those moments, even in entrepreneurship, where we sort of hit this next level and it requires a different shift of our mindset and a different like whoa, I've got it, I do have to change, I have to evolve, I have to, I have to like, form a different chrysalis around me and sort of emerge as this different kind of butterfly through this experience. It takes some breathing, it takes some like like internal, like all right, am I going to be able to do this? Should I do this? Can I do this? I'm sure you've had this conversation multiple times.
Speaker 2:Just like parenting. You know, we level up every year Same thing in entrepreneurship. Like there are all these different levels and I joke or I say life is like a video game all the time. I was even talking about it this morning. Like we are characters in a video game, like we are put in this little character. We get to choose how they dress, how they style their hair, where they go, what they say, what they consume, how much they exercise. Like they're, I get to choose everything in my video game.
Speaker 2:And when you think of these different levels that we go through, just like a video game, the, the skills and the tools that you collect in that first level are going to help you on the next level. And there's a reason why you can't get to that next level until you perfect something that you were supposed to learn back here. Or you might, you know, meet somebody. Renee Rodriguez, you might meet somebody and you go oh well, this is a great relationship there's. You know, maybe I don't understand why we're meeting now, but in the next level, oh my gosh, I needed that character.
Speaker 2:What an amazing relationship to have, because I need this character now. So, yeah, you're right, sometimes some, some levels suck Some levels. You're like, I've been in this level for too long. God, I am, I am ready.
Speaker 1:Thank you, like that's fascinating that you bring this up. I was just some of my like aha moments, or like true thoughtfulness, come when I'm on my walks and I had this kind of profound moment of when I was walking. This literally was just a week ago and I'm walking and I'm walking past our church, which is not too far away from here, and I remember like I had this flashback of walking super early in the morning. It was winter time, so it was dark and I was just I was in that that shitty level, like literally that level of the video game that you're speaking to. It was just shitty. And I remember like just having this pull towards our church and I walked up to the church and just put my hand on the wall and I was like God, I literally just need, I need you, like I need you and I need to understand why.
Speaker 1:Why is this so hard right now? And it was when I was in the mortgage industry and I spoke to that when we were on the phone. But I was just like why, why is this so hard and why am I like continuing to put myself through this like vicious, like wheel, this cycle? And there was a breakthrough after that. It took a little bit. But it was like not too long after that that I finally was like all right, we're done. And like how do I begin this process Seriously? But I do think to your point. When you start to look backwards at all of that stuff in the moment, it doesn't make sense. Why are we going through this? Why am I meeting that person? Why are we having this conversation? But we'll look back and be able to connect the dots and go, okay, that's the reason all of that happened. It's projecting me this direction so that I can start a podcast, do a coaching group or like start a, start a business based off of that, like this is this is it?
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, in a pool as a kid and you'd you know you play in the deep end. And if you were still, you could sink to the bottom and then push the bottom. And I had my. I had my rock bottom a couple of years ago and same thing. You know where I'm going, god, like like a. How did I get here? I was mad at myself, how did I let this happen? And really, looking back, it was letting weeds grow in the garden, right, I left my mind unattended. And then all of a sudden you go, why is it full of wheat? Well, because you, you weren't intentional with what you were thinking and what you were doing and what I was consuming and um, and, and that was that was my, my rock bottom. And I remember crying on the floor of one of my friend's offices just face down on his fancy carpet, just snotty you know, crying and I remember crying like I miss her.
Speaker 2:I miss. I don't remember what her laugh sounds like. I can't remember the last time that I I laughed or smiled.
Speaker 2:I don't remember what being silly used to be so goofy and weird and you know, just big and you know I'm like giant and tall and gangly, like I just was. And I, I I didn't recognize the person I become and I couldn't figure out how to get out of it. And it was. It was just like being still and being open to what God's plan was for me and having good people in my life and admitting that everything wasn't perfect. Right, because with social media and LinkedIn and things, and on paper, everything can look wonderful and glamorous and it's very scary to actually open up and go no, the truth is, I'm on the other end of the spectrum and things are not what they seem.
Speaker 2:And it was that that push down to the bottom of the pool in order to come back up and do something, get out of that level.
Speaker 1:I do speak to this very thing, but I I like to call it the the ebbs and flows, or the peaks and valleys that we experience um, both in motherhood and and entrepreneurship, and I I love that you're starting to delve into um those spaces, right, those, those valleys that you went through. Or to your point about sinking to the bottom and hitting that rock bottom and then going, okay, how do I, what's the? Am I going to just sit here on the bottom of the swimming pool floor or am I going to go?
Speaker 2:All right, and it takes effort to push Yep.
Speaker 1:Time to time to get some air, time to get up and get some air. So I, I love that. I okay, I want to take a step back, ash, because you brought up something so beautiful with um, how entrepreneurship really started at a young age, and I want to kind of take a step back moment in time, um, but forward from that moment of the lemonade stand. So talk myself and the listeners through when was when did you really enter into this entrepreneur space of like, all right, I've got, I'm running my own business? When did that start for you and what does it look like now?
Speaker 2:I had my first baby business when I was 22. I started modeling professionally when I was 14 and I had a wonderful career, got to travel, learned a lot, saw the good, the bad and the ugly, and saw a need. Right, I saw there was a lot going on in the industry that I didn't like. I saw that people weren't being trained properly. Right, just because you're a tall, pretty girl doesn't mean you can walk into an agency and go here I am, and you're going to be famous and they're going to just send you all this money.
Speaker 2:There's a skill that comes into this, not just behind the camera, but also yourself as a business. Right, you are your own independent business and you are out trying to get jobs. But they weren't teaching anybody this, and so I wanted to take what I had learned and teach these other girls that wanted to get into the industry and tell them how to do it properly Teach them the skills, teach them stage movement and you know, teaching them lighting and angles, and I had great people that had taught me throughout the years.
Speaker 2:So that was my first business, learned a lot, got my butt kicked so much. But one of the biggest things that I learned, right, you learn something at each level which then helps you into the next. The biggest thing that I learned was this wasn't scalable, and I love numbers and when business is so easy, if you can just put numbers on paper and they're not complicated numbers either. People like this is just addition, subtraction, couple, multiplication. You figure out. Okay, if I'm charging this much per hour and I have so many hours in the week, even if I'm working 10 hours a day, seven days a week, the most I could ever make is this Well, that's not very fun and there's a couple other things that changed. But what really set me on the path of entrepreneurship was when I helped grow a company called Forever Bride. It was in 2002. It was this new idea that was going to change how wedding businesses interacted, using this thing called the internet and social media and YouTube and we created what now we would call Reels, but back then there
Speaker 2:was no Instagram, it was just YouTube, and we would make these videos explaining you know who you are. We'd go into a bakery, we'd meet with Susie and Susie tell us a little bit about Susie's bakery and we do these cute little videos. Um, but that's really where where I learned so much about um, myself and customers, but, most importantly, sales. Right, going back to the, the ready aim, it didn't matter how perfect our website was or our logo or anything else If we didn't have sales, if we didn't have people out there talking and closing deals and bringing in money. That is the lifeblood of any organization and I will argue all day long like that needs to be your number one focus every single day. Yep, you don't take a day off to just, you know, go and work on some other things or decorate the office Like your. Your primary focus is sales. No business ever failed because they had too many sales.
Speaker 1:I love that. No, it's so true. It's so so true. Okay, so that was back in 2002, uh, 2012, 2012. Sorry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then, uh, 10 years later, um, you know, we grew it and it was, oh, I loved it so much, it was so much fun. We had a podcast and we did a wedding fair at the mall of America twice a year and we did all kinds of events. It was very focused around. We had two customers, right, we had the brides that used our, our services and our website and our social, and then we had the wedding businesses. And that's really where my heart was growing up in the bridal shops and how hard it was for my mom to make the transition from the yellow pages to now websites a whole new world.
Speaker 2:Um, so we hosted these things called monthly mingles, where we would bring in a guest speaker to teach on different business related topics, because it was a unique customer, right, you have someone who loves flowers. They're so good at flowers and they love weddings, and so what do they do? They start a wedding floral business and they're great at flowers, but they don't know the first thing when it comes to running a company. So I was learning alongside of them, bringing people in, learning about all these different topics, right, because it's it's it's so important that you have those, those fundamentals to not just being really good at what you're doing, because I've seen a lot of very talented florists go out of business because they couldn't handle those, those foundational building blocks.
Speaker 1:Yeah, building blocks. Yeah, that is so fantastic. So not only were you building a business, but you were helping others, in relative to what you were doing in business, build their business, while you were also learning how to structure and build the business on top of that. Oh yeah, that is so cool.
Speaker 2:And it doesn't matter how, how big or successful you are, like we are always learning. I mean, as soon as you have this mindset of, like I'm here, I'm done, like hey, I want nothing to do with you, cause that's just a weird mindset that doesn't make sense to me but there's there's always something that we can, we can learn or get better at, you know.
Speaker 1:I mean even with.
Speaker 2:SOAR. I started a company a couple of years ago called SOAR and some similar theme helping people grow and become better versions and mindset and community. Um, but there there is having this, this right mindset of growth, and not having it all figured out.
Speaker 2:You know if I came into this. It was like I grew up in the wedding industry. I know everything that it would not have taken me as far as and I still have so much to learn, and there's always, you know, something new that I can learn from somebody else. Being open, you don't have to take everybody's advice either. You can, you know. Just because you read somebody's book doesn't mean you have to agree with everything that they say.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's interesting, it's. It took me a little bit of time to get to that point too, where I was like I don't have to literally digest this book and and have all of that incorporated into what that next level up is going to be. I can take bits and pieces of it.
Speaker 1:It doesn't have to like I don't have to wholeheartedly buy into all of the stuff that this book is telling me. I don't have to. I can go. I'm going to leave that, but I'll take this. I explain the book Traction just like that.
Speaker 2:We've talked about the book Traction and EOS. I've heard of it.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:There's a great book called Traction, written by Gina Wickman years ago. It's become a little bit of a cult following. I've run all my companies on Traction, but I explain it like that. Traction is not a book that you just read once and sat down and go yep, I understand it and I, I, I no disrespect, but I explain it like reading the Bible, you would never read the Bible cover to cover.
Speaker 2:Put it back on the shelf and go yep, I read the Bible and I understand everything in it. And also, like the Bible, you would never read everything in it and implement all of those principles and ideas into your life. Make all of those changes like that, like your brain would explode and traction. I explain this is the Bible for entrepreneurs. So anybody listening, this is the number one thing to buy and read and mark it up and post it.
Speaker 1:Tries to grab a phone purchase it immediately. Add to cart.
Speaker 2:I have it on Audible too, because it's really nice to listen to it. But, like the Bible, you digest it in little pieces Because, again, your brain would melt out of your ears if you just tried to do it cover to cover and same thing, you almost get in these like traction Bible studies where you work with other people and you go what do you think about this?
Speaker 2:And you take time or you go back and reread a chapter and it'll in helping grow my business. The other big piece and I should get paid by traction to be saying all this. But another thing that I really like about it is, especially for women, it takes the emotion out of running a business because it makes everything very, very black and white. These are the goals, these are the rocks, this is where we're going, these are our core values, which means this is how we're getting to the goal. And when you break it down into your activities and you have to make a major decision hey, we got invited to sponsor this big event. Okay, well, let's run it through the filter of if we say yes, does this help us reach our goal or not?
Speaker 2:Yeah, black and white you know, hey, we, we, we had an agreement that you were going to hit, you know, 10 whatever by the end of this month. Did you do it or did you not? Well, I worked really, really hard. No, I know you worked hard, I did too. Did you hit 10? Well, well, I mean, I just there was this. I know I know there's a lot of variables and speed bumps. Did you hit the 10 or not? Yeah, and it just it helps, especially for women. I feel like it takes the emotion out of it.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay. So traction is a good book for Kelly, your host, to get on her radar immediately and I'll nerd out with with you anytime you want.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's nerd out about it, because I'll tell you what this is amazing, especially over the last call it year to year and a half. This has been something I've been heavily working on is putting the emotions aside, especially working in business with your husband, because most men are. They can get into this compartmentalized. It's black, it's white, and we will have these conversations on a weekly basis. When we're having our weekly start to the weekly meeting to start the week, it's like, okay, how are we doing?
Speaker 2:Well, we call those in traction, we call them L10, level 10 meetings, and it's a. It's a weekly meeting and I run one with SOAR, with you know, me and myself, basically, and I have a mentor that that works with me to help implement all of this. But and actually I started running L10s. I don't know if I told you this. I started running L10s with my husband, did you? We, we went through a big transition in this past year, and you, any marriage you go through seasons and I'm like, no, we're getting really structured.
Speaker 2:So we did an offsite and we used the traction principles of putting together our goals as a family and our rocks, which are these tangible quarterly little goals meet every single week in the and it's a strict agenda.
Speaker 2:We first start off and I'm happy to share it with you too. It's you know. We start off with highs and lows from the last week and we go over uh bank accounts and finances and you know incoming money versus, you know outstanding uh balances. We go over schedules and then we go over any major decisions that need to be made in the next week and we it sounds so nerdy to, like you know have a meeting with your spouse, but it has helped so much We've been doing it. Now, what eight months? That's incredible.
Speaker 1:We do something similar. It's spotty and a little less formal, but we do um kind of a pulse check on how the past week went. What's coming up for the week, meals for the week I'm the grocery shopper, so I'm getting all of that stuff. God, these kids want to eat like every day. It's exhausting Multiple times, multiple times and as they're getting older, it's like constant. No one prepares you for that.
Speaker 1:It's like constant. But yeah, no one prepares you for that. But to your point, I think that having the structure around that and going this is mission critical, Like we do need to have this in place. And look, you've been doing it for eight months now and it seems to have completely shifted the narrative of what that looks like in the household.
Speaker 2:I feel kind of silly because I've been running a business, you know, very tight like that with structure, with my team, for years and yet I never did this at home and we just kind of whatever and money came in and plan a trip and we just, you know, day by day I'm like this is ridiculous.
Speaker 1:But you, looking back, right, you go, okay, I mean, it wasn't like you were completely off the rails by any stretch of the imagination. It was just like how can we get a little bit more intentional? Now that the intentionality is there, it's like, oh, then you do that. Look backwards like, oh, maybe I could have been doing this sooner rather than later. We've talked about the entrepreneur stuff and I want to, um, I want to start to like, wrap that up in a nice neat bow and then fold in motherhood into it, get into the motherhood aspect of it. Um, like when the kiddos came around and all of that fun, fun stuff. But you mentioned that you had, you had had your your first baby business. When did everything shift? And then make the shift to now your business, which is SOAR?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. Um. So yeah, I, I remember being in a meeting when I was building Forever Bride. It was this, this really big meeting. I was 38 weeks pregnant with my first baby. We were sitting outside at this fancy hotel downtown Minneapolis having a beautiful lunch. I'm about to close this deal and then I feel something and I excuse myself and I'm in the restroom going okay, my water broke. This is great, everything's fine. And I remember coming back to the table and I'm having this internal conversation going okay, we need to close this deal, but we need to get to the hospital and I'm like, what am I doing?
Speaker 2:Like I'm and I had worked all the way up through my pregnancy.
Speaker 2:I was so, so sick and it's yeah, you look back at the things that you did when you were pregnant and when you're raising kids and you're trying to do all the things and you're trying to be this version of yourself that you you think you're supposed to be, and and, of course, I kick myself right for for how hard I pushed. Um, yeah, and I remember, you know, my water breaking in this the middle of this meeting and having to leave, and I don't remember if I closed the deal or not. Isn't that so bad? Right?
Speaker 2:Because you look back and you're like that wasn't important in the it was huge right and I'm you know, I'm calling people from the car trying to reschedule my next couple days because I'm like, well, I'm having a baby, so maybe we can meet next week. Yeah, just come. Just so silly, like my expectations of what I could do were ridiculous. But yeah, so I raised my, my two kids had, went through the two pregnancies while I was building forever bride, and there really is no substitute for for grinding. I mean, there's going to be a couple of years where you absolutely are going to grind and this work-life balance thing is not real. You just, you just do as much as you can in some parts and give yourself grace, and every day is going to look a little different, um, but I think, I think what's important. So there's this matrix, um, and and I don't know if you've heard of it like the urgent, important matrix, right when there's the like it's not urgent, it's not important.
Speaker 1:And then I'm laughing because you know this. I'm laughing because I know this, because my husband, literally on the daily, is like is this urgent, kelly? Is this not urgent Right, but if something sits in the not urgent important long enough.
Speaker 2:then eventually you know, like scheduling an oil change, that's not urgent right now it's important, but you put it off long enough. Now it's going to become urgent and important. But the problem is I think, especially in the beginning, and maybe this is more for women is like everything is urgent and important all the time and I make this to-do list with 40 things that I need to get done today and it's everything from scheduled dog nail trimming to call a client back to this. But everything is equal on my list for some reason. Right, I'm trying to get every single one of them done all the time Sounds about right.
Speaker 1:It's exhausting. It's exhausting.
Speaker 2:So learning how to figure out what's urgent and important, and sometimes just the important things, and then figuring out how to prioritize some kids. But taking care of ourselves is another big piece of it. Like I, I went through a lot of this mom guilt of you know I. Like I miss my boy's first steps, like that'll always haunt me and like it could be a big deal, but it could also not be a big deal. It's all in how I decide that I want to frame it. But what I have to remind myself of is my kids see me happy to get up in the morning and they see that I'm excited to go to my office and when I come home from work I share really fun things that I did. And now that my kids are old enough, I start to bring them to events and they get to see mom in her element, which normally they see mom in, like sweatpants and you know her elbows in laundry.
Speaker 2:Like they don't get to see the other version of Ashley and they get excited seeing her, they, they really I didn't realize how much they would nerd out over learning about my business and really seeing the impact that we're having on people. Every time I get a great review, I read it to them saying like this is like. Hey, check out this. You know, half of my reviews sometimes are just screenshots of like a text message and then but I'm like, look you guys, look at what this person said about SOAR and they get so excited.
Speaker 1:It's impact right. It's impact in multiple ways too. It's impact for you, it's impact for the person who you're helping. It's impacting the family. It's impacting the kids, Like literally. I love that share of they're at this. They're at this season of life now where they get to come and have those experiences with mom and see mom in a completely different element, a completely different lens as well, and that's cool. You're dropping seeds too. I just love like this is kind of a full circle moment from the beginning of the interview where you shared, like I think I've like entrepreneurship is probably just in your blood, you know, and the lemonade stand was the kickstart to that, and your dad modeled for you, and now you're doing that same thing for your kiddos.
Speaker 1:And it's just so cool.
Speaker 2:I think it's important for them to to see that other side of mom also, so when something does come up and you do have to miss that soccer game, it's not this, this terrible office environment, like we were watching the movie hook the other day.
Speaker 1:Do you remember the?
Speaker 2:beginning scene where he, like, misses the baseball game and the kid is so devastated and I just I remember watching that as a kid, being like oh that asshole dad, you know he's never there. But then the other side of me now watch it the other day and I'm like he's, he's working really hard for his family.
Speaker 2:He's doing his best, like they don't understand and like how, and so I want to make sure my kids understand like I'm going to do my best to be at all the things that I can, but they also respect enough. Like hey, if I miss something, it's really important and it doesn't mean I don't love you and I'm going to be at the next one, like it just it's creating realistic expectations, too, for the family.
Speaker 1:Totally, totally. I literally just kind of got in a trance there with what you were saying and I had something pop up in my head. We're talking about the movie hook, hook. Um, oh, it'll come back to me. I mean, this is just sort of the way that my brain operates right now, which is so fun when you're a host of a podcast and all of a sudden I can't remember what I was gonna ask you. But it'll come back, so well, I remember one.
Speaker 2:One of your questions that you had emailed me is like a quote or a mantra or something that I live by, and this has been something that has, I feel like, has been following me around for years, but I've never grasped it. And within the last couple of weeks, I'm like, oh my gosh, I get it and I'm going to live this because I need it. I need the structure. I'm like, oh my gosh, I get it and I'm going to live this because I need it. I need the structure. I'm all over the place, right. I'm a typical visionary entrepreneur.
Speaker 2:There's. There's two types of entrepreneurs. You've got the visionary and the integrator. And um, the quote is, or the mantra is self-discipline is the highest form of self love and, as a recovering people pleaser, right when everything is urgent and important, and if somebody emails me with their issue or problem, I'm going to now make it my priority to help them, even if it means missing something and taking care of myself, putting myself number one and having more structure in my life. I create structure for everybody else and my team and my company and things and my kids create structure for everybody else and my team and my company and things and my kids. But creating that, that structure and creating those boundaries for me is the best way that I can show myself love, because pulling myself too thin is not being very nice to Ashley.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I've done that for way too long.
Speaker 1:I'd love to hear when, like when you came across that particular quote or mantra and when you really started to like, it clicked for you and all of a sudden you're like okay so I have this first step in discipline for me.
Speaker 2:So a couple of years ago I got these things called goals journals and it's just a cute little notebook like this and similar to traction. You put down your, your goals for your life, you spend this, this page and it says my big, you know my big roadmap for my life, and then you break it down to your yearly goals and then it has a page where you do each month what does that look like? And then each different page is a week. So these are my five things I've got to get done this week. And then it has these daily habits, and the daily habits have been, um, I like to check things off. Yeah, like I love little notes and so it's little things like jackets.
Speaker 1:I'm in, I'm in.
Speaker 2:Um, but little things, like you know, up at. My goal is to be up at six, 30. That is I. I've been trying for five years to do that. So now the goal is to get up at seven and, and if I get up at 715, if I hit snooze for a little bit, I don't get to check that box for the day, and I'm so OCD that, like, I want to check those little boxes but I'm failing in all these little areas of you know. Get up at seven take vitamins, workout, stretch, instagram less than 30 minutes a day and in bed by 10, like.
Speaker 2:Those are my daily activities and I miss them all the time.
Speaker 2:And then I give myself like this, this guilt and frustration, Like I can't even do these little disciplined things, and and I had to spend some time realizing like why? Why did I write these things down every single week? Why are these six things so important? Well, when I am structured and I have the self-discipline to do these things, I perform better, I'm showing up better to my husband, I'm showing up better at the office. Like these are little things that when I can force myself to do them, it actually helps me. I'm not doing this to be mean to myself. This is so. It's this stupid goals journal.
Speaker 1:I love it and I think that I know I'm going to try to refrain from using the words like. I think I'm confident there's many individuals who are listening right now where that resonates hard for them and they're going yeah, Ashley, I'm right next to you. I have been there, I have done that. I have written down all of these different things that I should be, should be doing so so this gal Alacia Citro, higher self habits.
Speaker 1:She wrote that book. Um, she's down in Scottsdale, arizona, and I will literally never forget the first time I met her in person. Um, she, she shared with the group of people that she was speaking to. Like quit shitting on yourself girlfriend like quit that, quit it. How were you going to? How were you going to develop the little habit and stack?
Speaker 1:the habit and stack the habit, and stack the habit, and stack the habit, and I just loved it. I thought it was, it was something that stuck with me, and so I I have these moments to Ashley Again. I'm that person also on the other end of the microphone going. I'm right next to you because I want to be up at a certain time in the morning and I want to be at bed, and you know, by I don't know 930 sometimes. Sometimes it's a little bit later than that, but there have been moments where we've been in bed by 830 because we are so exhausted from the day.
Speaker 2:But when you're clear on your why, those habits mean nothing, and you're shooting and you're creating this guilt If you don't step back and go. Well, why? What is the bigger picture? And that's that was my big light bulb moment of like this self love, because that's that's something that I've struggled with for a very long time.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Leads into stretching yourself too thin. So getting clear on why am I developing these habits, yeah.
Speaker 1:So how do you feel about where you're at now with all of that?
Speaker 2:It's. It's still a daily struggle, but I think every day I'm getting further and further along. I I, you know what you put into your brain matters, and I um uh. I listen to audio books in my car. I drive a lot and I had a mentor years ago that basically said you're not listening to the radio anymore. This is before podcasts and Spotify and all this.
Speaker 2:He was like you're going to download Audible and you're going to listen to books, and I can tell that when I'm not feeding my mind good, positive things like we talked about the weeds in the garden like our minds will, if left unchecked, they will run around and they'll start talking very bad, you know you start having this negative self-talk again, like like a puppy if not left in check, it's going to run wild, and so I it is. It's this daily discipline of keeping my mind where I need it to be Like, if you're going to be a high performer you know as a former athlete if you're going to perform at this level, you can't just do what everybody else is doing. You can't do half the work and expect excellent, you know, top 0.1% results. If you want to be different, you need to think and act differently, and that's I know that's going to again we talked about earlier going to um again we talked about earlier you're, you're never going to get there, you're never going to arrive and be like I know everything, I'm done, learning and I'm done.
Speaker 2:It's like going to the gym. Have you ever seen that funny meme? I saw this really jacked guy at the gym and I was like what are you doing here? You're done, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:No, you did it. He's like no, it's even harder to maintain once you get to that level.
Speaker 2:So that's the other thing right Now. Now you've leveled up, you can't let off the gas. It takes even more work and effort to keep yourself at that level.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I'm going to go a little off script with some of the questions that I had sent over to you. I'm always intrigued and interested, um, and sometimes I ask the question, sometimes I don't, but I'm very intrigued knowing just the short amount of time that we have known one another and the level that you're at. Have you found yourself in a circumstance where you have had to take inventory of the people around you and make some decisions, or and so to another like off of that question is was it challenging this? This is a soft spot. Did it take longer than you?
Speaker 2:thought it was going to. It's a.
Speaker 2:It's a soft spot because I think, um, this is something a that I've gone through a lot of painful experiences in this area, but also be it's funny how God uses, like your, your biggest pain points to also be the part where, like, he wants to shine and he wants to use your gifts in the world Like. It's funny when you get really high level and look at it. Yeah, Because with SOAR it's a peer group organization. I fully believe with my entire heart that you are a representation of the five people you spend the most time with. You need to be intentional with that.
Speaker 2:You know, if you hang out with a bunch of smokers, eventually you will be a smoker. Like you know, basketball players hang out with other basketball players. Like. And if you're trying to be the successful business owner, but you're hanging out with a bunch of losers who do drugs and are negative thinkers and are not taking care of their bodies, what makes you think that you are going to be in this top, elite percent of people that are doing incredible things and have a great, healthy marriage and a healthy body? It's silly, right. It's like sitting eating ice cream all day and manifesting your perfect body. It's that crazy right Totally. But there's a lot of people in our life, and sometimes they can even be family members, which is really tough too, because those are a little bit harder to cut out.
Speaker 2:And so that's a different delicate dance of creating healthy boundaries. But but I look back and I look at there's been seasons and um, and I think movies lied to us as kids. You know you, you see, like, oh, they've been best friends since grade school and I had different groups of friends in my different levels of my video game and and at first that hurt in my different levels of my video game and and at first that hurt. I didn't understand why, why they left me or why all of a sudden I didn't feel connected to them anymore and I would try to hold on to some people for too long or I would you know they would guilt, trip me. I'm like we never see you anymore and like what you know, are you mad at me? God, that's a girl thing.
Speaker 2:Like don't ever especially with moms, right, people that don't have kids. They completely don't understand. I was texting a friend last night. I was in bed at nine 30. She was texting me about something. I was like, baby girl, I love you. I am so burnt out I don't think I can do anything. She was trying to plan something fun. I'm like I can't say yes to anything right now, like I, I, and so having people that understand, like I just want to be in my hole for a couple of days and recharge. But seeing how my life has evolved and the level that I'm on in this video game, the people that are around me are really determining what my next level is going to look like. And um, and, yeah, it's. It's not easy, because sometimes they can also be your comfort. Yeah, sometimes they can also be, um, like a guilty pleasure. You know, getting together and gossiping.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:That's what we always do, and it feels good and you're just kind of being silly and you're talking shit and like it's, but then you look you're like that is not. That's not the version of Ashley that I foresee in this next chapter, but that I foresee in this next chapter. But again, it's like sitting and eating ice cream but saying, well, I'm going to be in shape.
Speaker 1:I'm going to. It just doesn't work like that. Yeah, you are what you do, not what you say. Yeah, I just. It's. It's a again, it's a touchy, touchy subject. It's a touchy topic and you're not the first person in matter of fact as you're talking through it. I am literally kind of reliving some of those moments in time where I'm like either I had the light bulb moment or I had somebody else pointed out for me, ie my husband.
Speaker 2:It's good to have people in your life that are that close, that can point them out who, literally, would be like are you sure you want to go hang out with that person? And as you're leveling up, and they're not, that's the hardest part. I don't know if this is true, but I heard a saying once of do you know? Do you know how you boil a pot of crabs?
Speaker 2:You don't have to put a lid on the pot, because anytime one tries to climb out of the boiling water they, they pull them back in, and someone told me that once, like when you're about to do something big or you're about to go to this next level, you're trying to get out of this pattern, or this circle.
Speaker 2:They're not going to let you go easy. No, because what it does is it shows them the divide of where they could be, and that's going to make them uncomfortable. Yes, because when you start doing better, when you start cleaning something up, when you start going to this next level and they're not they don't like it, even if you feel like they have the best intentions.
Speaker 1:Not, they don't like it, even if you feel like they have the best intentions. A hundred percent, a hundred percent, it is. It's just, it's sad.
Speaker 2:It really is Like the the emotional side of me is coming out right now and going oh, it's just not a fun feeling when you recognize that moment and I, I even marriages can be so hard too is sometimes you have people that are going on different levels at different times and and you want your person to come with you, or sometimes you have to be patient, or sometimes you're really far apart on your levels, and that's hard too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my husband and I have talked about this actually, and it's sort of this, um, how he explained it was, and maybe this will resonate with you. When you're in a relationship, you know, and let's, let's just stick to the point of spouses, right? You're like rubber bands with one another and, um, the further apart you get, the easier it is for that rubber band to snap a part.
Speaker 2:You get, the easier it is for that rubber band to snap right. Okay, so then a little bit more.
Speaker 1:One person either has to, like, tone it down a little bit, or the other one has to catch up. They have to come along that's good.
Speaker 2:Oh, I've been there on both ends yep, same same, but it's a.
Speaker 1:It's a good metaphor for or analogy is probably a better way to put it. An analogy for listeners to go hmm, I wonder what that might look like in the circumstance that I'm on the farther end of that rubber band, or maybe I'm the one who's pulling and having the recognition of like, okay, what? What does the reality of the circumstance actually need to look like so that can pertain to your relationship with your spouse, your friendship with you know, uh, an individual, uh, a peer, uh, you know, a colleague, and our kids?
Speaker 2:are watching. Our kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for, and I think, too, back in seasons when I was hanging out with you know, maybe some people that I loved and maybe they weren't on the same level as me or doing some great things. Our kids are going to look up to the people that we hang out with more than they look up to us.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I need to be really intentional with what adults they are seeing. Yeah, because it could just be one interaction. They see a girl who's maybe not doing great things or not dressing a way that I would want my daughter to dress, and it imprints on her that I want to be just like her and that's going live in in her head. Um, I think of like okay, so I like wearing men's watches.
Speaker 1:I was literally always eyeing up your watch.
Speaker 2:I love it, thank you, but it's every time I look at it. It's a reminder, because my cousin, who was much older than me her name was Ann. She was so cool. You know, she was in college and in 20s when I was a kid, and everything she did was so cool and she always wore her dad's old rolex and she wore it really loose. Yeah, right, and I'm like, oh, that's so cool, that's like how you wear your watch. You wear it really loose. So when she would look at the time, she'd whip her arm out and just like, oh, I have to move. I'm like that and it's so silly, like that is the one thing that imprinted on me so hard. There's not a day that doesn't go by that I don't wear this exact watch, and then I just, oh, I just feel so cool every time I win.
Speaker 1:So silly here.
Speaker 2:I am 40 years old and I'm like I'm so cool, I'm like my cousin Ann, like it'd go back to being this like six year old.
Speaker 1:Does Ann know this, or is she going to listen to this podcast?
Speaker 2:I think I told her at some point. But, like that, that's one of the biggest things you know. And and luckily I had really great people. My parents did a wonderful job of they would have these beautiful dinner parties and they surrounded themselves with great people, lots of entrepreneurs. You know um people that talked to me. Do you have people in your life Like there'll be around your kids and they don't talk to your kids?
Speaker 2:I think, that's so weird. I think it's so important to like spend a couple minutes because you don't know that 10 to 60 second interaction you have with that kid. What could imprint?
Speaker 1:That was so cool having you walk in, and I was like I've been very intentional. There's only been a few times where, like, the boys haven't been able to greet the guests. But I'm like you need to come and meet this guest and introduce yourself and I loved that interaction that you had with them. Like even before you and I were able to have a conversation, right, it's like you were having a conversation with them. They're so important to me, they're so cute.
Speaker 2:But those skills are some of the most important skills that you can instill in them. They can figure out, you know, business skills and learning the science and the math and learning the skills. But, like those people skills, those soft skills, that's stuff that really can't be taught after a certain age. You know, I would always think of when I was hiring people. I remember like, yeah, you look at their resume and all of their skills and things like that. But if they come in and they don't know how to shake my hand or they're sitting kind of weird or they're not put together properly or they can't make eye contact, those are little things subconsciously that make me go. I don't know if this is the right person because I can teach them the other skills. I can't teach them how to be polite and how to make eye contact.
Speaker 1:I can't teach them how to be polite and how to make eye contact. We were just talking about this concept with one of our clients. We went out to dinner with them recently and it's the EQ versus the IQ.
Speaker 1:I will always hire someone on EQ before the EQ versus the IQ and we kind of went down rabbit holes on both ends of those spectrums with IQ and the IQ and, and you know, we kind of went down rabbit holes on both ends of those spectrums with IQ and the EQ. But yeah, that that is truly what you're speaking to right now is, you know, how are you, how are you being a human, like and having manners and just like being wholesome and kind to the people that you're being introduced to?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's what's so great about being able to bring your kids along to some of these events and having them not only see us but seeing other adults that behave the same way. You know it's one thing when I say you know you should stand up straight and you know, use your manners and things like that. But when we go out in a social situation and they see other people doing those same things that I've been drilling in, it's like you know, you tell them something a hundred times and somebody else says the same thing Like wow, I've never heard Wow, and then it sticks.
Speaker 1:So again.
Speaker 2:We need to put them around, good people that can reinforce what we're teaching at home.
Speaker 1:What has this process looked like for you with the kiddos? I'm assuming a lot of this was with the kiddos. Um I? I'm assuming a lot of this was um imprinted I'm going to use your word imprinted on you as you were growing up, and when did you all of a sudden go okay, this is, I've got to start doing this with these kiddos of my own.
Speaker 2:I um so something that I did recently, right Cause, as, as moms, especially like we, we give and we give and we give and we make sure everybody else is taken care of before we apply our own oxygen mask. And my daughter is in her horse phase Everything is horses right now.
Speaker 2:And she um for her birthday. We, instead of giving her a thing, we're trying not to do more things, because our house is full of clutter. We don't need more things, so we're trying to do experiences. So her gift was horseback riding lessons and we found this great place and it's not too far from our house and it's beautiful and they're private lessons and it's so affordable. And I'm going hang on if I'm going to be driving her all the way down here. I want to do lessons too, like I want to do something for myself. Like I saw my parents get into hobbies and do things that they really enjoyed. My parents were into motorcycles, my dad was really into Harleys and then my mom got into them and we'd go to Sturgis and it was a whole thing and that was their hobby.
Speaker 1:Wow, really. Yeah, that's a whole other podcast. I grew up going to Sturgis like the real Sturgis.
Speaker 2:But that was their hobby and they did it together and they surrounded themselves with other good people. My dad started a motorcycle club called Street Legal Road Lawyers so it was full of these big tattooed, you know scary Harley guys that were judges and sheriffs and lawyers and like really great humans, incredible, so, so funny. So I was surrounded.
Speaker 1:Talk about shifting a narrative of, like the way we perceive individuals versus the reality.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, but but again, my, I had the opportunity to be surrounded with incredible, smart, successful, kind people that talked to me and, you know, spent time getting to know me and asking my opinion and um, so, yeah, I just started doing horseback riding lessons because I I think it's really important that my kids see me doing something that I enjoy and. I'm spending time doing something fun and silly, and not just making lunches and working and you know back scratches and reading books Like there's, there's more to me still too.
Speaker 1:Ooh, that's so good. It's so good. How about self-care?
Speaker 2:Let's talk through this. There's. There's a gal, and actually I wrote her name down because I want to introduce her to you. Her name is Christy Cassette. She just wrote a book.
Speaker 2:She's a transformation business coach, so she works with women who are going through major transformation, both in life and business. And, um, she was speaking at an event and she said something. She said self-care isn't, you know, wine and bubble baths and massages, and self-care isn't sometimes adding things. Sometimes it can also be taking things away. Like self-care doesn't need to be like doing more and going and getting that massage and going for that. You know, hot girl walk. Sometimes it's creating those boundaries and saying no because that's the best way that I can love on myself.
Speaker 1:That's so good. It really is. I'm taking things away, are you? I'm saying no, okay.
Speaker 2:And it's hard because I FOMO. I want to do everything and I, but I'm not in my twenties anymore. Like I get girl, I get tired.
Speaker 1:I get girl, I get tired. I am with you. I that event that I was at last night for for Laura. Oh my gosh, I got back and you have to jump, you have to literally switch the hat right. So it's you go from event hat Kelly or event hat Ashley to mom hat Ashley or mom hat Kelly, and like I didn't eat anything when I was there, I got back and I was like I'm starving so I stuffed my face and then Maddie's about ready to go to bed, so she wants to snuggle and the boys are trying to tell me things, and and then, like 45 minutes later, I'm like I'm tired and the boys are like want to watch a movie, and I was like absolutely not, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I tell my husband I'm like I ran out of words. Like I'm out of words for today. I used all my words. Like we can communicate with the hand signals, you can text me, but like I'm done with the words, Tap, tapping out, tapping out, we're we're going to go and we're're gonna go night-night, uh-huh, and he's, and he's really good with with seeing that, even before I do.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I mean, I, I remember, remember, when five hour energies came out, oh god, those things like set me on a whole. I was like these things are amazing, like you know, screw like coffee.
Speaker 1:You don't need coffee.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, like I'm a superhero and I did, I like, abused those stupid little things for years because I need, I felt like I needed to be able to do it all at a hundred miles an hour and and my self-care right now is like that is just not fair to my body anymore, Especially with everything I've been through with. I shared a little bit about this autoimmune thing that cleared up a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2:that just absolutely was part of my rock bottom and it was my body's way of saying you cannot do this anymore at this level. Like we will, we will die we. I was on this path where I was pushing myself so hard that, literally, systems were shutting down. Like that was my biggest wake up call.
Speaker 1:I I literally had a very similar circumstance and it it it was, by no stretch of the imagination, an equivalent of what you're speaking to with autoimmune stuff. But my body, when, when I sort of hit this like wall in the mortgage industry and it couldn't quite figure out like what's going on I the version of me pre baby in mortgage is completely different now. And what is happening and I experienced eczema for the first time ever in my entire life I'd never, ever had something like that happen and it happened around my eyes and then it was happening like on my chin and stuff and around and I'm like what the hell is happening?
Speaker 2:Our bodies are their own little beings and they communicate with us in so many ways, but we have not been trained to how to listen to them Exactly.
Speaker 1:But it was like in that moment I I'm going why is this happening? Why is this happening? And then it was probably two months after that that I realized, oh, my body literally was telling me girlfriend, you are too stressed out, something's not working and you better fix it, and you better fix it quickly.
Speaker 2:What's? What's the quote about a plant? If a plant is sick, you don't just give the plant drugs and start like spraying all these chemicals on it. We take a look at the environment of the plant. What's the plant going through? What's the sunlight situation? What's the water situation? What's the soil situation? Let's look at all these different factors. But why are we so quick to go? We'll just have another five hour energy.
Speaker 1:You're fine, just get some cream on it, you know? Just there's. There's other things. We need to look at our bodies in different ways and we need to listen to them. I'm going to go here for just a second. Do you remember in COVID when they were like, literally, you can't be outside? Are you kidding me? The one thing that our bodies need right now to combat this is sun.
Speaker 2:Anybody believed that phrase of you shouldn't go outside. I can't even, but there are ashley.
Speaker 1:There are people that literally were doing that and like, oh my gosh, I can't go down to listen to like you're.
Speaker 2:You have this, this internal. You know what's right, you know what's wrong right, like if your baby is crying. You know what, what, what you need to do Well, that's probably a bad example, but no, there's. There's certain things in life. You know what's right, you know what's wrong, you know what you need and we need to, we need to follow just just common sense. Yeah, there's, there's a lot of things that common sense can, can help and fix.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that was a bit tangential, but you were you're speaking to this circumstance that you encountered, where your body was literally telling you hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. So when was that? And um, talk myself and the listeners through, um, that moment in time where there was sort of this realization as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I think that my health started to decline in 2021. And I don't want to blame any of it on COVID, because I didn't. I didn't believe in anything of what was going on, so I still lived my life and I still did all the things and traveled and I just I refused to believe that was going on.
Speaker 2:So so I don't want to blame it on that, um, I think there's a lot of other stuff going on in my life and um, and, of course, like most of us, I didn't listen to it and I just tried to push harder and um, and I wasn't taking care of myself and I was letting the weeds grow in my mind. I was just really spiraling Um, and there's also a time where, on social media or on LinkedIn, like everything seems like it was so amazing, right Almost to the extreme, where, where people were um seeing a version of and it wasn't my, my I don't want to say my fault, I don't know it just there there was just this huge divide happening between what people saw, or what they wanted to see, and what was really going on, which made it even harder to a admit to myself what was going on and B ask anyone for help.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And um and yeah. It got to a point where I was sleeping probably 12 to 13 hours a day, couldn't get out of bed, and health stuff aside, I was so depressed. I hated what I had become. I had no vision for where.
Speaker 1:I was going.
Speaker 2:I felt so stuck in. Just my day-to-day Raising kids is really freaking hard. It is it's it's the most wonderful thing in the world and I think life is like that. You know, the the good always comes with the bad, you know to see the greatest sunsets. You've got to climb the highest mountain. Like to have a great marriage. It's a lot of fricking work.
Speaker 2:So, so I knew that. I knew that, um, it was a admitting to myself what was going on and be having people that I could talk to. And you think of those people, right, we talked about like different circles of people throughout your life and your levels. Think of the people that have been there through all your different levels.
Speaker 1:Oh, isn't that those.
Speaker 2:Those are. Those are your people, and they may be gone for a level or a season or two, but those are usually your people that you can trust, because they've seen you in all your different versions. You know the real you. They're not going to judge and guess what. They're probably going to be there in a couple of future levels too.
Speaker 2:So it was me getting real with with what's going on and what help looked like and what the path to recovery was going to look like, and I knew it was going to be tough working with some of these functional medicine doctors and they warned me like hey, going through this and cleaning some of this out, it's like cleaning out your basement the hallway is going to get really messy as we're going through this process, but I'm so grateful for it.
Speaker 2:We talked about, too, the importance of pushing off the bottom of the pool, like I'm. I'm so grateful that I went through that because it pushed me into this whole new stratosphere, this whole new level that that I feel like I'm just I'm cruising now and and the level that I'm in and and the. It's a tough one, it's a really tough one, but, man, I'm tougher. Yeah, it made me. It gave me the skills and the tools and the people right Figuring out who your people are in those seasons.
Speaker 1:Yep, I'm thinking of um. So I do a discipleship and the woman who I disciple with is incredible. She's just incredible. She's probably like 80 something. And we're talking about, like, building the spiritual backbone right and all of the um, all of the different areas that you've got to traverse in order to be prepared for, say, a rock bottom, or this moment in time where, um, things are tested. For instance, right, stuff's tested in your business, stuff is tested, um, in in the realm of motherhood or in your relationship with your spouse. You're tested. And how? How are you growing that backbone to be able to come to the table and um and do it in a, in a functional way and letting go of the old version of yourself that would want to perhaps snap at your child or snap at your husband? I'm literally speaking out of like sincere, been there, done that. How do I approach it with a little bit more grace and patience? This go around right, like it's. What you are speaking to is the, the resilience in that, in that backbone that you're building in those moments of the valleys Again, I talk about peaks and valleys so much on this podcast and I think that that's you know, those are, and unfortunately, the areas that you really got to go to, but I love that you also expressed like I'm grateful that I went through it.
Speaker 1:Was it shitty? Yeah, 100%. This is how I'm growing and glowing through it too. I think that that's something I do want to emphasize too. Ashley, is you I'm coming in in a different moment of time of who you are as a person, right, and I'm just like, oh, she's glowing and I just love seeing it. And I love seeing and having this experience of learning where you come from, where you are at and what you're doing now and where you're going also, and how you're also like taking people's hands and bringing them with and going. It doesn't actually have to be that hard. Or sometimes in I loved at Laura's book launch last night, she's like you don't have to always hit rock bottom in order to be able to like go that direction or make this big life decision Right. You do not have to. It's not always about the labels, it's not always about all of this stuff. It just really isn't. It was really beautiful, right, and and it speaks so much to what you're saying as well- speaks.
Speaker 2:so much to what you're saying as well. I love that. I love that.
Speaker 2:I know, as you're saying, all that, I'm thinking, yeah, ideally I would have preferred not to have gone through that and I feel like there is a version of me in like a different universe that maybe could have gotten out of that or reach this point without having the push at the bottom of the pool. Um, so I I like that Laura says that too, cause not everybody has to have this like without having the push at the bottom of the pool. So I like that Laura says that too, because not everybody has to have this like this terrible thing that happens to them and now they're successful. Like I feel like I've seen so many keynote speakers and I would always think, like well, I can never be a keynote speaker because I never went through that terrible thing, like my thing wasn't that bad. And like we don't all have to have terrible things in order to be successful, in order to have a good story. Like you can still have a great story but, I'm, I'm, I'm thinking.
Speaker 2:You know, I love the name of the podcast, the reclaiming your hue. Like I, I feel like I have my pink back and that was my biggest rock bottom was I would just cry because I I lost it and. I lost it so bad I didn't even know what the path looked like to get it back. I didn't even remember what color pink I was Like I didn't remember who she was and I do I feel like a completely different version. I don't, I don't even remember the old pink version. It is.
Speaker 1:It's really weird when you go through these big phases, but that's okay. Yeah, that is okay. Yeah, that is, it's okay. I think also, too, that there's a lot of um, those moments that we hit those critical masses where there's just a lack of alignment, and so when part of reclaiming our hue is going from the misalignment to I am much more aligned with my goals, my core values, how I'm serving people, and if you can get back behind that, I mean, how else are you supposed to go than up? I just love, okay. So talk me through when SOAR came to fruition, why, and where the name came from too.
Speaker 2:I know, I know it's such a good pun. It was my friend. We mentioned Rene Rodriguez. This was my ready aim because I had everything all ready to go the business plan. I knew what I wanted to do and I didn't have a name, and he was actually the one that came up with a strategic opportunities to amplify results.
Speaker 2:And then you know a pun, with my last name being Hawks, and you know and there's there's metaphors too in the business community of you know you need to soar, you need to get up at, you know 10,000 feet to really see the big picture. And you know eagles fly alone and all these things. But years ago, when forever bride reached this, this point, we had talked about the.
Speaker 2:Sometimes the tools and the skills that got you through this level are not going to be the same skills and tools that are going to help you in this, and I reached this point with um forever bride, where I was working and doing the same things over and, over and over again, but not getting the same results that I used to write the definition of insanity.
Speaker 2:So then I would just put in more and more hours and work harder and harder and harder. And I had a mentor who encouraged me to join a peer group and I was like I don't have time for a peer group, I need to be in the office, Like I need to be here with my team on the floor grinding and selling and doing this. And he was like look, imagine, there's two lumberjacks. You ever heard this?
Speaker 1:I tell it all the time.
Speaker 2:There's these two lumberjacks, and the first one is like you he's grinding, he's, he's, he's there every single day. He's chop, chop, chop, chop, chop all day long. Gets there early, stays late, Doesn't take lunch breaks, missing his kids' soccer games. But then there's this second guy. He do you think that is Ashley Like I, he goes. The second guy sharpens his ax and he goes. You need to stop chopping away because the things that you've done, your ax is now dull. You need to sharpen your ax. You need to figure out what are the things that are going to help you be more productive. It's not about the amount of hours you put in, it's how. It's how much you can move the needle when you come into the office. What are, what are those people that you need to surround yourself with? What are those new tools or different people that you can have in your space that are going to push you forward? And that was for me the peer group.
Speaker 2:it was being around people outside of my ecosystem that were going to help sharpen my mind, help me see things differently, make better decisions, and it was very instrumental in my growth and then, eventually, the sale of the company. And with SOAR, that's exactly what it is. I'm not reinventing the wheel. There's a way that peer groups work. You put 10 to 12 wonderful leaders in a room. These specifically only work for CEOs, business owners, the founder, the person who the weight that the weight is all on their shoulders. It's different when you're a partner in an organization but you don't own it right.
Speaker 2:You're still a decision maker, but things go south and you just go find another one there's. It's different when this is your baby, this is your family's name, this is your family's money, and putting people in a room together where they can let down their guard a little bit Cause. When you're at a networking event, you and I know how are things with you. Oh, so good.
Speaker 1:Fantastic. How are things with you? Oh, doing great. How are the kids, kids?
Speaker 2:are great. You're not going to go into any of those things. It's not the time, the place. You don't know that person well enough, but this is the time and place where you can sit, the be real and you can go. You know what I'm actually. I'm dealing with this major decision. Guys, I need to figure out do I do path A or path B? And you've got a room full of people, like a personal board of directors, that know you, they know your core values, they know where you're going and they can go. You know what, Kelly, you may not be looking at this the right way. Have you thought of path C?
Speaker 2:or how did you end up here? Let me just dig through that a little bit and they can help you see from different perspectives. They know you, they love you, they're not. They're not from your industry. So now you've got a perspective from a marketing guy perspective, from a legal guy perspective, from somebody from manufacturing. You've got all these different backgrounds because sometimes we get stuck in our own little industry bubble and that's not always helpful either.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, no, it definitely isn't. To have different sounding boards is absolutely incredible, absolutely incredible.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I've learned that in drawing out a few gals who I'm close with, who have been on the podcast, and going, let's start a mastermind group. And none of us walk the same path, none of us are in the same industry by any stretch of the imagination. I had to really think about that. That is, that is indeed true, and to have these different angles and different perspectives is incredible, cause I would have otherwise asked a question and maybe probably gotten like, oh, have you tried it this way? But instead it's coming from somebody who is, you know, like, doing something completely different from what a podcast looks like. Right, but they're like oh well, what about this?
Speaker 1:And you're like Hmm, what, when did that even come from? You know this only works for CEOs.
Speaker 2:That that's just in my world. The, the, the concept of bringing people together to discuss the real stuff, is one of the most important things we can do as humans. I mean think of moms. How hard is it in the beginning with moms? I was lucky. My husband's sister and I are really close and she had a bunch of babies by the time I went through pregnancy and instead of calling my doctor first when something weird or strange happened, I'd call her and she'd go. Oh yeah, that's normal, that happens.
Speaker 2:I'm like ew, what that's normal. She's like oh yeah, everybody knows that I was going to go to the doctor. I thought that was a and so having people, that that you can have in your ecosystems for all different chapters of your life, or you know, you've got your business peer group. You've got your mom peer group, you've got your church peer group this is how we thrive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do feel as if we have gotten to this space of literally there isn't this big village around us anymore and you're starting to see that shift that's happening and call it social media or just like being exposed to more things. I do think that there's a bit of um, there's still this isolation that happens, but the more and more we come to recognize it, call it out, name it and then go. I actually do need help around me. I can let go of the perfectionism, put it aside, put the ego down and get in front of people and go. What? What is happening? Why is? Why does the business feel like this right now? Or why do I feel this way about the business, or why? Why am I bumping into this consistently? And you can have somebody or have a group of people around you, like you know, wherever they're respectively at in their season of their business and just season of life too. They can give you some pretty sound advice and perspective.
Speaker 2:Well, that's why it's so important. That goes back to having your strong, why Having a big vision. So that way, when it comes down to oh, my ego, I don't want to tell somebody that I'm struggling. Well, that one little uncomfortable of saying hey, I need help, is actually going to help you get to that bigger, longer piece that you're trying to strive for. So always having that big vision in mind when it comes to your business and raising your children, yeah Right.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm, speaking of children, so you have two kiddos, okay, and remind me their ages again nine, 12 and nine, 12 and nine. Yeah, cause your daughter just had a birthday didn't she? So sweet, so sweet. Um, talk, talk me through some of the ups and some of the downs that you've experienced in um having children, and maybe, maybe it was like when you first had them, or maybe it's right now.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't know exactly.
Speaker 1:I think that that ebbs and flows depending on who you are as a woman, as a mom and as a business owner as well, but there certainly are these moments that each one of us respectively have, as we're either starting up a business or, um already in the, in the throes of business, and then also the, the harmonization of that with motherhood too.
Speaker 2:I, uh, I was really stuck in the first lumberjack mode for a really long time and, like we joked about, instead of, you know, figuring out how to work smarter, I just worked harder you know, more five hour energies and just go, go, go With my daughter.
Speaker 2:I went back to work full time when she was six weeks old and left my little tiny newborn with my husband's parents, who were just amazing and I'm so grateful for them. But I felt like that's what I had to do. I had to be back in the office. I was, you know, I was steering the ship. I had to be there for my team and my second baby. I went back to work full time when he was two weeks old and even before then I brought him to the office.
Speaker 2:I was looking at pictures because it was his birthday the other day too. So I don't know, that's my birthday routine as I go and I look through all their baby pictures and there's pictures of him days old on my boob. I'm sitting at the office at the computer and I had one of my girls like, take my picture with my little newborn and I'm just sitting there grinding in a little black blazer and a tank top, like what am I doing? And then I'd make a little nest under kind of like a dog bed. I would bring a little dog bed and a blankie and then I just put my little brand new newborn on the floor under my desk to nap, like what am I doing? But in my, in my head, you know, this was a stupid girl, boss you know, season and, like you know, I'm mad at whoever invented that term.
Speaker 2:Um, so I'm mad that I stayed in that season for so long. You know I shared earlier. I missed my little guy's first steps and any mindset. It's all in how I frame it. I can be really mad at myself and have guilt and I can carry that for years and years. Or I can say you know, that was one moment and I've been there for a lot of other things.
Speaker 2:He doesn't realize if I was there for his first steps or not. Right, it's all in how we frame it, um, but now I'm in a season where I'm really prioritizing family and I'm really prioritizing what it looks like for me to be that second lumberjack, because I still want to go to the moon and I still, you know, being an entrepreneur is is in my blood and that's where God wants me to be, and I am not slowing down by any means, like I, I feel I there's like a third gear, there's like a third lumberjack that I'm trying to figure out Like what?
Speaker 1:does he look like when you figure that out? Let me know. Oh yeah, I'm going to figure it out.
Speaker 2:And um and so what it's looked like is now totally prioritizing kids, prioritizing my marriage, cause that's always been. You know talked about hills and valleys. It was a lot of valleys and that's going to take a lot of work, and what I've learned is the more that I sharpen my ax and the more I put time into my kids, I literally I'm speeding up. I'm I'm growing sore faster than I've ever grown forever bride and that was 10 years.
Speaker 2:I've surpassed where forever bride was already in two years but it's but it's been really really intentional about what does it? Look like to sharpen my ax, and that's all I care about right now is better, faster making decisions. You know saying no to things that are not going to help push me, because I know exactly what my goals are for this year, for this quarter, for this week, and nothing will take me off track.
Speaker 1:You know what's so incredible that you are this week and nothing will take me off track. You know what's so incredible that you are, you're literally so abundantly clear about is that sometimes it's okay. Let me back up for the listeners. This is such a. All I keep thinking is this is such a gem, like this is like put this in your pocket and like look at it every single day. Listen to what Ashley is saying right now, because I mean it takes. It takes failures and I, I do. I've interviewed you're the 67th person that I've interviewed and all I keep hearing is, the faster you learn to get over that failure, understanding what your, why, your core values and there's a few other things that we can push into that as well. If you keep that why and keep aligned to that why, it should help propel you past that failure.
Speaker 2:I wish I could say that it started with that mentality.
Speaker 1:The truth is, this is terrible.
Speaker 2:Do you remember? E True Hollywood story?
Speaker 1:Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:And they would tell you know, before she reached fame, you know she did this and this and this. And they would tell you know this rock star before he became, you know, the biggest rock star in the world. He dealt with this, this and this. Well, back in my modeling days I my goal was to be the biggest model in the world and I always thought of when they make my E True Hollywood story, what's it going to be like? And anytime something bad would happen, I would frame it like this is going to be a great part for my E True Hollywood story, because no one wants to read a book or hear you know an E True Hollywood story of like she was raised with a great family and then she became really successful in the end. And now here she is, and isn't she perfect. Nobody cares about that story. Everybody wants to hear, hear the grind and the this and this failure and this failure. I was like. So that kind of been was my mentality, like anytime something bad happens, like, oh, this is going to be great.
Speaker 1:You didn't even shy away from it. It's going to be a great chapter. You didn't even shy away, okay. So then my question, my like follow-up question to this, is how did that play with your perfectionism? Because the reason I ask is literally because that is my very issue is I literally want everything to be perfect and just as so, and have it all dialed in.
Speaker 2:It's so funny. Again, looking back, all the puzzle pieces make sense. I feel like everybody should start. You know, some people say everybody should be a server work at a restaurant. I think everybody should go into modeling or acting and have your butt kicked and have somebody look at you straight in the eyes and go. You're not pretty enough, or?
Speaker 2:you're not tall enough, or you said it wrong, or we don't like the way your feet are shaped or like you deal with that kind of stuff and um, and I remember when I got started I got started modeling lightly when grade school and then went professional when I was like 14. But I remember my mom would always drill into me. She was like you got to have thick skin and as a kid you're like I don't understand what that meant?
Speaker 2:I thought it meant literally thick skin and she would explain like, whatever they say, it has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 2:as as Ashley, as this beautiful, like human, it's just about what they're looking to put in a magazine, right, like, put yourself in their shoes, shoes, they're just trying to find this particular like canvas to hold a box of crackers. It has nothing to do with you and as soon as you can hang on to that and when you're going to castings and and the, the booking rate for an average model is like five to ten percent, so that means you're going to go on 10 to 20 castings per job that you book and once you can wrap your head around that and has nothing to do with you now. But there are some things you can control, right, and that's where I found my edge. Right, because I was never the tallest, I was never the prettiest and I was never the skinniest, but I would show up early and I'd have a great attitude and I learned so much about the industry of like how to keep my nails a certain way that casting directors like that and what to wear to a casting that made them go.
Speaker 2:We like her, or just you know certain things or remembering people's names. This is long before you know smartphones, so I would collect business cards and I would save them and I would make a note. You know, so, like I would remember the makeup artist's name, I would remember the stylist's name, a conversation, oh, she has a dog named Sammy. I would write that on the back of their business card. So so next time I saw them could be a year from now. Oh my gosh, amanda, so good to see you. How's your dog Sammy? And I would try it now. I have a terrible memory, which is why I write everything down the notebook in my lap. But that gave me an edge. When I would go to a casting they would go oh my gosh, we remember working with her a year ago.
Speaker 2:She was easygoing. I never had an opinion. Models used to have I'm sure they still do they put something on the. I don't like it. Like this Should we start. You are not the stylist, you shut up and you go get your picture taken. You don't get to have an opinion, you don't get to. You know, be difficult to work with. So it was very easy to work with Um, but it. I think that's a good, a good way to realize that it's it's not you, um, you're, you're just there to to do a job, and but there are things that you can control and that can give you an edge against all the competition.
Speaker 1:I love that. Oh the edge. Yeah, Figure out your edge.
Speaker 2:That was another piece of advice a mentor gave me. Is you know, always if there's an advantage in life, take it If it's legal and ethical, of course.
Speaker 2:But if there's an advantage that you can have. Okay, have you ever gone to the grocery store dressed like complete homeless? You know your sweatpants, hair in a messy bun, missing an earring. How do people treat you Different? Versus, if you came in wearing stilettos and a dress and your hair and makeup done, do people talk to you differently? A hundred percent? Is that discrimination? Is that is that fair? That people treat you differently based Absolutely. That is completely fair. Now, if you want to be treated differently in this world, if you want doors to get open for you, don't sit around in your pajamas and then get mad when no one offers you that job. A thousand percent.
Speaker 2:Take the advantage, figure out, learn as much as you can about the person you're interviewing, or the person that's going to be interviewing you for this job as much as you can about them. Learn about the company, show up early. Talk to the receptionist a little bit Like there are so many little things that you can do that can give you an edge in this world, but it takes a little bit of effort.
Speaker 1:You can't be lazy Again. If you want to be the top 1%, you can't keep acting like the 99%. Yeah, the effort. I mean it's to your point earlier in the interview about how, if you want to get to that next level, it's going to take this to that person the right amount of energy, and you cannot go. Oh, I'm going to sit here on the couch eating ice cream every single day and then also expect that I'm going to have this very beautiful body.
Speaker 2:I love the saying get on your knees and pray, and then get on your feet and work.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. So that's a good segue into as you have traversed through all that you have. What has faith looked like for you? What have been your guiding principles through?
Speaker 2:all of it, but I think what's been hardest for me is is my inconsistency with my faith.
Speaker 2:Right, it's, it's the hills and valleys you know, it's natural as humans that when we start doing well, we're like thanks God, I got it from here. You know like doing good, and then we're at our low point. We're like where'd you go, yeah, and then you realize like he didn't go anywhere. We went, yeah. Low point. We're like where'd you go, yeah, and then you realize like he didn't go anywhere. We went, yeah. And then we come back up and then it just, you know, it's like we forget what we learned in our last peaks and valleys. We're like got it from here, thanks again.
Speaker 2:And so for me it's getting back into that, like almost treating it like my goals journal and my checkpoint of like have I prayed today? Have I done my check-ins? Like when was the last time I opened my Bible? Like there's these like little things and again, it doesn't have to. Like, it doesn't have to look. My faith journey doesn't look like what I see on Instagram and and I struggle with that right Like I don't sit down and you know, um, it doesn't look like what I think it should look like.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I think that's a whole other battle that I'm working through, but man like how amazing that we have this consistent creator, that no matter how many times we screw up, he is always there. And there hasn't been a time that like I've cried out in the middle of the night, where I haven't felt something of like.
Speaker 2:I'm here and just reminding ourselves, too, that, like the perfectionism because that's that has haunted me for a long time, and I know that's not from God God does not design us to be perfect. Like he is perfect, yes, and like this whole world that he has given us to go and enjoy. Like this life is a gift, right? Like if I give you a gift, like the little zip up. Like I don't want you to put that zip up, fold it in the closet and keep it safe. That would not be respectful to me. Like I gave you that gift because I want you to enjoy it and wear it and get it dirty. And like go, go, I don't care, wash it a thousand times.
Speaker 1:She gave me this absolutely beautiful zip up. That's like a uh, just dreamy it's. It's, it's cozy and it's a dreamy cream color. I just love it. I love it. I'm like that's going to get ketchup on it pretty quickly, but I want you to.
Speaker 2:I want you to use it.
Speaker 1:I want you to enjoy it Right and like this life is not supposed to be.
Speaker 2:You know I want to want you to enjoy it Right and like this life is not supposed to be. You know I want to. I want to slide into the grave, you know, sunburnt and dirt in my hair and wild, and like I want to have completely enjoyed this, this gift of life, and I don't. So that's what I battle with. The perfectionism is like I feel like I'm trying to enjoy this gift that was given to me as much as I can, and being a perfectionist is being really disrespectful, because that's not me enjoying everything. I'm trying to tiptoe around, I'm folding the sweatshirt and putting it in the closet versus wearing it and enjoying it.
Speaker 1:I'm enjoying hearing you say that it hasn't been easy, your faith journey that is. It hasn't been perfect, it hasn't been Instagrammable per what we see others posting or doing, or you know, and I I strongly believe that everybody's faith journey is their faith journey and it doesn't have to look like getting up every single morning and praying and then also doing that multiple times throughout the day, or the acknowledgement is just the first thing I acknowledge. I acknowledge that there's this creator, I acknowledge that there's something else bigger than me, and also that that particular creator doesn't want to see me acting in this specific way. I feel that strongly, very strongly, because I also suffer from a little bit of perfectionism also. I mean, I'll give you a pure example Um, and then we'll start to land the plane, because I'm just looking at the time going holy cannoli.
Speaker 1:Um, in starting this podcast, I had different visions of what this was going to look like versus the reality of it. I did not anticipate that I was going to be doing this from my house. I thought we're going to. If we're going to do this, we're going to do it big, we're going to go and get a studio, or, if it's going to be in here we're going to do the whole shabam. It's going to look different. Nope, we need to just start small, and I've just literally gone. I'm not going to upset the apple cart Because one. I've actually created something here environment-wise that allows you to be able to come in, feel comfortable, settle in. You got your cross-legged in a dress. That too. Have your coffee, have your tea, have your water, whatever it is that's going to help you get through. You know this portion of this blip of time and do it comfortably, right.
Speaker 2:Perspective to me. This is incredible. This is much nicer than any podcast studio I've been in in years. This is so it's perspective right, because I am over the top impressed with how beautiful it is in here and how professional your setup is Like. This is awesome.
Speaker 1:Well, and there's been intentionality around even going. Okay, I'm going to pivot, right, I thought it was going to look like this, but it's actually going to look like this. Okay, how can I make it a certain way that it's going to feel inviting, it's going to feel warm and it's again going to allow the person who's coming in to sit across from me, to open up their, their life to the rest of the world, and they're going to feel comfortable doing it. Okay, here we go. This is how I'm going to do it. We're going to have cozy, comfy chairs, we're going to have the coffee, we're going to have the tea, we're going to have the water and I'm going to have a lavender candle going. Okay, I love it. Fine, that's what it's going to look like and I love it. And the conversations that ensue are just so cool and so impactful. All right, so there's my let go of the perfectionism and just do it.
Speaker 2:That's what's important. Yes, ready, shoot aim. You can make adjustments, you can build a new studio over time you know every couple of years. But that's what people get distracted by is what is the main thing that you're doing? The main thing is you're sharing a message and you're helping other people. All the other stuff is just distractions.
Speaker 1:I couldn't agree more. All right, so I promised that we would start to land the plane, so thank you for this opportunity to have this conversation with you. Um, I think the way I want to start to land the plane is by asking for you what's a piece of advice you would give a younger version of yourself knowing all that you know now take bigger risks, much bigger, really much bigger risks, much bigger, really much bigger.
Speaker 2:Sooner. Okay, to be more bold, to ask more questions, to find more mentors, to just to jump more, to shoot more to um, you know, I was always dancing between the perfectionism and the, you know, going forward a little bit, and the hustle. But, man, I think back. If I knew everything was going to work out, I would have gone a lot bigger. Like, what would you do if you knew everything was going to work out? How big would you go? How much would you invest? How much would you shout from the rooftops what you're doing and what you're building?
Speaker 2:And so I'm trying to take that advice right now because I, I, I know I've got the skills and the tools and the resources to go and I'm, I feel like I'm going well. But even now I'm like how much bigger could I go? What would it look like if I took an even bigger risk? You know, someone asked me the other day he goes if I wrote you a check for a million dollars today, how would you spend it on your business? I'm like, oh well, is that a real offer?
Speaker 1:And you know, but he was like imagine.
Speaker 2:An investor came up to you and said I've got a million dollars, I want to invest in your business, but I want to know what the money's going to go towards. I'm not prepared to answer that question right now and that's. That's not okay. Yeah, I need to think, and hypothetically, um, I had a friend, matt Vincent, who told me this once, that your, your life is like chapters in a book. You know, I think maybe it was our generation where you know what are you going to be when you grow up and you had to pick, like one path and you were going to be this for the rest of your life.
Speaker 2:And you know, here I am almost 40. I'm like I've done like six different awesome things in my life. I mean actually four careers technically, and they've been wonderful and I'm not done Right, and and sword might not be the last thing that I do. This could just be my my thirties chapter or my forties chapter. And, and he said, no book climaxes at chapter two or three. It's not a very great book. Like you still have a lot of chapters and, and I think I put a lot of pressure on myself of like I need to be super successful by the time I hit 30. You know, I wanted to and like, and then that didn't happen and I was like, okay. Well, now, even today, I'm like oh, my 40, my 40th is coming up. I need to be at this point and I'm not happy where.
Speaker 1:I thought I was going to be further.
Speaker 2:When's your birthday Around? Labor Day, oh, september 3rd. And so you know I was like, oh my gosh, I'm almost 40. Like the over the hill, I'm like I'm not over the hill, like I'm just getting started. Right, this is, this is a chapter in my book. I'm going to have a good, you know, solid 10 or 11 chapters, hopefully. And and we're just going to do great things. Each chapter should be bigger and better than the next Virgo baby.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, love it. Virgo, baby, here too, yeah, love it. What's a piece of advice that you would give a woman listening right now? That's nibbling on the edges of entrepreneurship.
Speaker 2:Get a pen and paper, get in a quiet room or go on a walk and start writing. There's a lot of power when you sit quiet and put a pen to paper and you don't even know. You don't even have to know when you sit down what you're going to write about. Just start letting that pen move and start writing down ideas. Start writing things about yourself. Start writing in present tense I am so happy and grateful that and see where the pen goes.
Speaker 2:Think of it like an entrepreneurship Ouija board and you might find that your heart and your brain are already light years ahead of you and you just need to start following that. And the second thing is find other people that are in that ecosystem of where you want to be. So like this gal that I met with, she's leaving corporate and has this vision of making jewelry. Yeah Well, I'm asking her do you know anybody that does this already? Who are your favorite designers that you follow? Do you know people in town that are goldsmiths? Not yet. So before we even launch the logo and buy the thing on GoDaddy, let's you know. Have you? Let's do an internship at Shane Co.
Speaker 2:You know, go get a part-time job at the local jewelry store downtown Wayzata and, you know, see if the guy who the goldsmith you know will let you shadow him for an afternoon. Like, get excited about the industry that you're going into and learn all the different parts of it, because that's what's going to make you a master in your field, you know. Looking back at Forever Bride, I think the edge that I had was growing up seeing my mom on the vendor side and seeing behind the scenes what it takes to run a wedding business. So then when I was on the other side, same thing with modeling. I was on this side of the camera for years. And then when I was building Style and Grace, I was on the other side and I knew what it took. I knew the ins and outs of the industry. So, nerd out, get excited, put yourself in those ecosystems.
Speaker 1:Nerd out. I love it, so good. Okay, how can people get?
Speaker 2:connected to you, so I love LinkedIn. Linkedin is like my Instagram, so that's the best place. I try to share as much as I can and I try to be real and vulnerable. I posted in January when my husband and I decided that we were going to start running L10s for our marriage.
Speaker 2:We did an offsite and I used AI to put together this agenda and it was a two-day agenda. We got a hotel at the Hewing and we just did this beautiful little retreat and I shared this agenda on LinkedIn of hey, everyone knows I'm a big EOS fan and so I said I use the EOS and traction tools to build, to build.
Speaker 1:Sorry, I got distracted, it's okay, I had my phone on silent.
Speaker 2:And I posted this and I had a troll that popped up for the first time.
Speaker 1:Oh, and that was just an interesting. You've made it. You've made it.
Speaker 2:I feel like that should have happened sooner. Again, the perfectionism but yeah, linkedin is a great way. And then what we're doing with Soar Soar's big on Instagram, so I think that's a great place for people to explore what we're doing in the business community.
Speaker 1:I love it. I'll be sure to drop all of that information into the show notes. I'll drop a little bit of information, too, about EOS, in case individuals are curious about learning more about EOS and all that it offers. Ash, this has been incredible.
Speaker 2:This has been so fun, I loved it.
Speaker 1:You did such a fantastic job of tying in how reclaiming your hue has looked for you and what that actually means. I think we talked off air about how just some people are so not aware of what that actually means, and thank you for tying it in so beautifully and how it pertains to your story. You are amazing. I enjoy you. Thank you so much. Thank you. I hope you have a great rest of the day. Thanks for listening and if you enjoyed this episode and know of any inspiring mamas who are powerhouse entrepreneurs, please help connect them with myself and the show. It would mean so much if you would help spread this message, mission and vision for other mompreneurs. It takes 30 seconds to rate and review. Then share this episode with your friends Until the next episode. Cheers to reclaiming your hue.
