Ep. 109 with Niki DeConcini | Co-Founder, Female Founders TC

Grief To Purpose

Three pregnancy losses. A stage four ovarian cancer diagnosis. A pandemic shutdown. Then a miracle pregnancy that ends with Niki becoming a new mom while her own mother enters hospice. If you’ve ever felt your life split into before and after, this conversation will feel familiar in the deepest way. Niki DeConcini joins us with a story about grief, faith, and rebuilding when your body, your plans, and your sense of safety all change at once.

We talk about what motherhood means long before a baby arrives, and why miscarriage grief can be both invisible and identity-shaping. Niki shares the reality of postpartum while caregiving, the loneliness of being the “strong one,” and how trauma shows up in the nervous system. We also dig into holistic wellness and integrative healing, not as a cure-all, but as a way to reclaim agency, support quality of life, and come back to yourself when everything feels raw.

From there, Niki takes us into the entrepreneurship journey: leaving a stable marketing career she loved, building a fast-growing agency that looked successful on paper, then realizing her body and spirit were paying the price. She explains how inner work, subconscious reprogramming, NLP, and learning to trust intuition helped her pivot toward true alignment. That pivot becomes Female Founders Twin Cities, a Minnesota community for women entrepreneurs focused on building businesses from the inside out, with real connection instead of performative networking.

If you’re navigating grief, caregiver burnout, a fertility journey, or a business pivot, press play and stay with us to the end. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs hope, and leave a review with the moment that hit you most.

Connect with Niki:

Website: Female Founders TC

IG: @femalefounderstwincities  &  @nikideconcini 

Contact the Host, Kelly Kirk:

• Email: info.ryh7@gmail.com

Get Connected/Follow:

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• Facebook: Reclaiming Your Hue Facebook Page
• CAKES Affiliate Link: KELLYKIRK

Credits:

• Editor: Joseph Kirk
• Music: Kristofer Tanke 

Thanks for listening & cheers to Reclaiming Your Hue! 

Transcript

Warm Welcome And Style Talk

Kelly 0:00

Good morning, Nikki. Good morning. Welcome, welcome. I'm so happy you're here. I am thrilled to be here. I'm so excited. Your dress is giving me life. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 0:11

I it kind of gave me life today. Right? I feel like it's one of those things where, especially when you're going to do something, like what am I gonna wear that's gonna make me feel like just totally in it?

Kelly 0:21

I love it.

SPEAKER_03 0:22

We are today.

Kelly 0:22

I love it. For the listeners, Nikki is wearing this just absolutely beautiful striped summery dress, and it's like cut in all the right ways and all the right places. So kudos to you.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

That's my pop of color. I was telling my friend yesterday, speaking of reclaiming your hue, that the last couple years my wardrobe has been pretty neutral, which I really like. Yeah, I do really love neutrals. But lately, in in you know, my healing journey, which we will talk about, I've been incorporating a lot more color.

Kelly 0:56

What's your favorite color?

SPEAKER_03 0:58

Pink is like hands down. Always. It always has been, and it's a go-to. But I've just found myself gravitating towards like a lot more color and like feeling good about it. So have you done a color analysis? I have not, but I've been dying to do one. And we actually have a few ladies in FEMA Founders Twin Cities that do them, and so I'm like, I have the resource in my back pocket, I should just do it.

Kelly 1:25

Pull the trigger, girlfriend. Did you love it? Pull the trigger. It is life-giving. Okay. It definitely like I will give you an example. And I didn't do mine with House of Color. I did this with um an individual who was on the podcast where like fashion stylist is her thing. Okay. And then this is like kind of an offshoot of service that she provides. And when I did it with her, I was like, um, I would have never pegged like a bright orange as a go-to color for me. And I went and purchased, I was, I did a little like style thing at um Ever Eve. Okay, yeah. And grabbed a tank top, orange color, turned around, wore it to an event the next week, and got so many compliments.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

Isn't it amazing though? You really don't realize what a difference it makes. Yeah. In how like your skin tone is presented and makes your features stand out. Yeah, I I gotta do it now.

Kelly 2:27

The gals who are in your um female founder group are gonna be chomping at the bit and they are clapping right now as they're listening to this. They're like, yes, Nikki, go down, I'll be your person.

SPEAKER_03 2:39

So with all of them, we'll make it fair.

Kelly 2:42

Well, let's go ahead and get started. I'd love for you to share with the listeners how it is initially that we got connected.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

Yeah. So Julie, who is actually one of the members in FEMA Founders Twin City, she's been with us since the very beginning. She shout out to Julie. Yeah, shout out to Julie. She uh went on our retreat and we had a lot of great moments of conversation and kind of talking about our stories. And then after she sent me an email and she was like, You need to connect with Kelly. Like, you need to be on this podcast. And so, yeah, I mean, that's the whole premise of what we do is connecting women to other women. So this was the perfect way.

Kelly 3:23

And you did already share. I always need to need to. Okay. I'm working to be better at immediately having my guest share what the name of their business is because sometimes we'll get like 20 minutes into the interview, and I'm

Reclaiming Color And Confidence

Kelly 3:40

like, and now might be a nice time for you to share. Probably intro that. Yeah. So could you share uh what the name of your business is?

SPEAKER_03 3:48

Yeah. So I run a community and coaching business called FEMA Founders Twin Cities, where we support women entrepreneurs in building their businesses from the inside out. And we can talk more about that. But it we really serve women all over Minnesota, which has been such a blessing. Um, and definitely what I've been called to do.

Kelly 4:10

When we talked on the phone, Nikki, seriously, I could have talked for hours. I know. I really was just like, okay, this it was affirming and confirmation. What a great introduction from Julie, first and foremost. And I'm like, I cannot wait for you to come on the podcast. First, meet you in person, which is always the like first and most amazing part about this interview experience is like finally getting to meet one another. Absolutely. And then diving into the story as well. What came first for you? Motherhood. Motherhood? Motherhood. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:48

Yeah. Um, and I, you know, it's interesting too because I come from a line of entrepreneurs. So entrepreneurship has always been in my bloodline per se. And I was always told by my parents, specifically my mom, that you are for sure going to own your business one day. She just like saw it in me before I ever saw it in myself. And it was kind of always there, right? Um, but nothing I ever jumped into or pursued. And then motherhood came along, and it was kind of a traumatic and crazy time. Uh to back up a little bit, I've always been the type of person that would plan out my life, right? Type A, I'm not type A anymore. Thank you, motherhood. Are you type A B like me? Sure, a type A B, whatever they call it, type C now, brain fog, all that. Probably some undiagnosed ADHD there. Sure. Um you're in good company. Thank you. Yeah, perfect. I feel seen. And so, but I just always had this plan, and everything always went according to plan, and you know, you had a vision and you stuck to it, and that was that. And that's naively how I thought motherhood would look like too, right? Um, met my husband in college, like two weeks into college. We've been together for almost 15 years now.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

Bravo!

SPEAKER_03 6:19

Yeah, yeah, it's been a journey, and we got married in August of 2019, and we knew we wanted a family, and so we didn't officially

How Julie Connected Us

SPEAKER_03 6:30

start trying per se, but we're like, let's just like see what happens over the next couple months, and then we'll officially start tracking and things as we go. So we ended up going on our honeymoon in December, and I remember coming back from our honeymoon, and I had gotten sick, and I just assumed like we came from the Bahamas. I was like, I probably ate something, it was weird, you know, not really thinking about that. So a few days go by, I'm still sick, and I was like, okay, something's weird. I feel very off. My cycle has been had been irregular at that point. So I wasn't, I didn't even really know what to expect. And so I was like, okay, I'm just gonna go grab a test. Let's just like see what happens. And what do you know? Oh my gosh, it was positive, and I was like, oh, okay, like, you know, we weren't, of course, like officially trying, so I just didn't even think that that was gonna be a thing. And so I got to share the news with my husband. We were both really excited, really nervous, and it was just before Christmas, going home for Christmas, and so um, we were like, Well, I I cannot keep a secret for the life of me. I especially with my family, like it is just we share everything, and so uh we went back home for the holiday and shared with my parents, and then ended up sharing um with like my aunts and my cousins and stuff, and it was Christmas Eve, and I remember just not feeling great um and feeling like really crampy, and at that point, right, you don't know any different. You're just like okay, like just this must be how this feels. Yeah. And I went to no one, it would have been the next day, Christmas day. I went to take a nap, still feeling really crampy, and I woke up and I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding. And I just immediately knew. Like, I knew not much of miscarriage at that point, just stories here and there, no particular details, but I just knew, like in my body, this this can't be good. Uh, so we ended up in the emergency room on Christmas Day, and that was our first pregnancy loss. And that really shook us because as somebody, right, who is a planner and just always saw this vision, things just we always did the things the right way. I was a rule follower, right? It was the first time where I felt super betrayed by my own body and like I did something wrong, especially since we had just been on our honeymoon and I had been enjoying drinks and things like that. Uh I blamed myself. Yeah. Blamed myself heavily. And so I was dealing with that

A Planned Life Meets Pregnancy Loss

SPEAKER_03 9:20

the next day. My mom had a doctor appointment, and she came back and she had gotten referred to an oncologist, which was not even on our radar. She had been dealing with some pain for a while, and ended up getting some imaging and came back and was like, they think it's cancer. So within these literal 24 hours, it felt like our worlds got turned upside down. And it was like, okay, for both of us, what what now? Our bodies had both betrayed us. And what do we do with this information? As we move forward in this story, it has been, you know, none of this was what we ever expected, ever wanted. And also with her being like a best friend to me, it was so crazy how parallel our experiences were in those moments of like navigating the medical system and advocating and feeling like our body had betrayed us and just navigating how you move forward from that. And so that is kind of how our story continued. We started treatment for she ended up being diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer, which is not a great diagnosis, not at all. Um, the average lifespan is like five years, if that. And at that point, I was like, okay, I what do I do here? Like, do I focus solely on her? Do I continue with this journey with trying, you know, for another baby? We ultimately decided to continue trying, and we're so lucky to get pregnant again just a couple months later. And it's funny be not not funny, but it's funny because we um got pregnant and two weeks later, my first ultrasound was the first day the world shut down for COVID.

Kelly 11:28

Oh my gosh, Nikki. It's all coming back to me now.

SPEAKER_03 11:34

I know, right? It's that unfortunate, like, whoo, PTSD for all of us. And so all of a sudden, we are in an experience where we have two very complex medical situations, right? Pregnancy, uh, you know, a rainbow baby, hopeful rainbow baby, right? And uh cancer diagnosis, doing treatments, and all of a sudden, like everyone has to shut down. And at this point, we were living in Fargo. My parents were here in Maple Grove, and uh we were just like trying to figure out how to move forward. And unfortunately, with that pregnancy, two weeks later, so I was about eight, eight and a half weeks at that point, I started bleeding again. And we went to the emergency room, and thank goodness it was the day before they stopped allowing partners in with you. So I was so lucky to have my husband by my side, and that whole experience was so much different than the first time. The first time I was about five or six weeks along.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 12:43

The second time I had like we had had an ultrasound, we saw a heartbeat, like it everything seemed like it was gonna be just fine. And they had told us like once you see a heartbeat, like you should you should be okay, which we shouldn't tell people. Yeah. Um and that was unfortunately not our situation, and so at that point, my mom was just about a month or two into treatment. Now I'm dealing with two pregnancy losses, and what does that mean? Yeah, like am I ever gonna be able to have a child? What is what is going on with my body? I was like, I need a break, I need a break. I can't continue trying and dealing with this with her. Sure. So we took a break and we continued on this journey and navigating COVID and all of these things. And truly, I've never felt more raw in my entire life. And like everything just got cracked wide open. And so we the crazy thing is that my mom ended up NED, which is no evidence of disease. Four months into her diagnosis, we had done extensive amounts of research on alternative and integrative therapies that she could do alongside her chemo, and I became her like sole advocate alongside my dad, and it took over my life, quite honestly, trying to save her. And so once we hit kind of summer of 2020, you know, we were everyone was kind of like trying to still figure out COVID and all of that. I felt a call to move closer and be down here with her. And so we decided to make that move. And like I said, she was considered cancer free at that point. And I was like, I just want to enjoy all this time. Yeah. Right. I want to be grateful for the situation we're in. Where at the same time, I was um, because we had done all this research on integrative therapies, I had also learned so much about healing therapies for myself.

Kelly 14:59

I literally was just gonna ask you about that.

SPEAKER_03 15:04

Yes, changed both of our lives. Honestly, it's the reason why I'm so passionate about holistic wellness today because of those experiences. And so that whole summer was really us healing our bodies together, yeah, and kind of coming back into ourselves and figuring out what this looks like, and you know, it's so interesting too because I think people talk about motherhood and they think like the moment the baby is born, and that was not my experience. Yeah, I felt like I was a mom the moment I saw those two pink lines. Like you you do you change, you do, absolutely your your perspective changes, your values change, and then learning to care for my body so that I could care for and grow and nurture a healthy baby, that is motherhood. Yeah, that sacrifice, that like genuine care and putting everything aside to make sure you can do something for that being. And so I just want to speak to all the women who are in that trying phase or figuring out a fertility journey. Like, you are a mother in this moment because you are putting yourself in situations to ensure that you can be the best version of yourself for that future child, and that that is the essence of motherhood. I couldn't agree more completely, Nikki, completely, and so that from that moment, I feel like that shaped what motherhood was to me. Um, and also watching my own mom go through this like shift of herself and also wanting to be there for me and also trying to care for herself, like that is the whole essence of this like shift and um the dichotomy of

Miscarriage And A Stage Four Diagnosis

SPEAKER_03 17:10

how do we how do we do this? How do we care for ourselves? How do we become the best versions of ourselves so we can care for our children? And how do we ensure that like they're cared for in the way they need in that moment? Yeah, and that comes with a lot of sometimes grief and joy in the same breath, in the same breath. And so just to kind of like round out that story, it unfortunately she had a recurrence in October of that same year. It came back real fast and it came back with a vengeance. At the same time, uh, I had gotten pregnant again, lost immediately, so it was more of a chemical pregnancy. Yeah. And again, the world turned upside down and it just felt like a roller coaster. Like the world already felt like a roller coaster. So 2020 is just yeah, one of those years. Uh then after doing all of the alternative therapies for myself, turning our lifestyles around, doing all that, we ended up moving, just kind of getting settled into life. I got pregnant again in February of 2021. And it it is so interesting because I was in the bathroom of a hotel room, I was up in Fargo for work, still, I would travel up there once a month. And something in my I was like, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant. And you would think that I would be terrified in that moment because there was no uncertainty or there was no certainty there. Yeah, I remember turning that test around. I was alone turning that test around, I immediately fell to the floor and praised Jesus, and I was like, this is it. This is the baby. I had no fear, and I can't even tell you why.

Kelly 19:09

I'm gonna get emotional.

SPEAKER_03 19:11

I just got full body clothes for myself because I just remember that moment being like, I don't know what this is, Lord, but like I know this is it. Yes, I know this is the baby, I know this is the timing. I don't know why it took all this to get here, but this is my moment, I know it, and I'm going forward with zero fear. I'm not letting this take over me. I will not let it. And that turned into our miracle baby boy that was born in November, and so I love it. The crazy part of that year is I mean, from I always say I was growing life and I was also watching life slip away from me in that year. My mom's cancer was aggressive, and we ended up stopping treatments, I think in like March or April, so shortly after I found out I was pregnant. And we I was just grasping for life, anything that I could do to keep her alive and also holding that was the biggest weight I've ever held of holding grief and joy. Like, how am I supposed to celebrate this life that I finally have growing inside me while I watched the one of the most important people in my life literally dwindle away at the same time? And we ended up going to California as like a last-ish effort to save her. That was in August, September of that year. So I was like 30 weeks pregnant. I went with her.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:57

That was probably the worst month of my entire life because we didn't know what to do. We were just grasping at straws. We she was in so much pain, and there was there was so much rawness in those moments, and thinking about I could lose her at any moment. Like, how am I gonna keep myself healthy and care for this baby? Yeah and also just enjoy it. Like, I've been waiting for this moment for so long. And so I ended up coming back from California right where I'm like 30 some weeks pregnant. I have to like go home. She ended up coming home from her treatments early because she just couldn't do it anymore. It was too she was in so much pain. And so around October, I was due at the end of November. It was just very clear like things. We weren't getting better. So what I did was I just tried to embrace every moment that I had with this life going inside me, with the time that I had with her. And uh I ended up getting induced. And that was a choice because my anxiety was through through just feeling like I had so much uncertainty ahead of me, not only being a first-time mom.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

But also I have no idea when I'm going to lose my own mom. So I want this baby out because what she's been holding on for is to meet this baby. And the day I got induced is the day she entered hospice. Okay. And they did not tell me. I kind of knew, but they did not tell me that that's exactly what it was. And so I it was a very long induction, 32 hours, lots of setbacks, three hours of pushing, but he was there. The most amazing experience, right? That like moment um that they set you on and set the child on your chest, and you're just like, all right, this is this is life now. Yeah. This is life now. Like, this is this like human that I've been praying for and been waiting for for so long. And all of a sudden, it was like that's all unfortunately that mattered. And I was not prepared for I have to focus on this human, and I cannot be a soul person for somebody else right now. Like I can't, I can't be the one that is being the rock for my mom right now because I know I have this like little being that is relying on me. And a lot, you know, I still grieve a lot of that um because I feel like so much of that pregnancy journey got stripped from me. Yeah. I didn't get to enjoy it like I felt like I should have been able to. And then the postpartum journey hit, and that was probably the worst. So to move forward, my mom ended up passing away at five weeks postpartum.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 24:29

So we got five weeks with her, but in those five weeks, and honestly, I feel like I blacked out really.

Kelly 24:39

I think you like you do any. I I think you know outside of the circumstance that you're talking about, most women feel like they black out. It's like naturally we do, I don't even remember what it was like coming home, and and like, yeah, so such a blur.

SPEAKER_03 24:59

All I remember is I never anticipated, and I can laugh at it now, but in the moment it was so real, I never anticipated having a moment in my life where I was changing my baby diaper, mine and my mother's at the same time. Yeah, that's not that's not how life is supposed to be.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

That's not typical.

SPEAKER_03 25:20

That's not how life is supposed to go. And in those moments where I sh could have been or should have been or felt like I needed to be fully cared for, thank goodness I'm the most amazing husband on the planet, and he was my rock, but nobody else was there. Yeah, I have nobody else because everyone was focusing on caring for and grieving for my my mother, yeah, which they should have been, right? My aunts are the most amazing women on the planet, but they were losing their sister. Yeah. So like I was I was not the one that was thought of. So I ended up because I felt like I had to and I wanted to, uh being a caretaker of these

COVID, Another Loss, And Hitting Bottom

SPEAKER_03 26:10

two very fragile beings at the same time. I would wake up, I would feed Owen, hang out with them a little bit, drive to my parents, go make sure she's, you know, eating that day, being fed. She couldn't really get out of bed at that point. So I would have to help my dad kind of like maneuver her to change her and things like that. Talk to her a little bit at that point. She really wasn't there. She wasn't all there. Um so we just cherished any moments where she felt lucid and could understand. And I would bring Owen over to her and just lay lay him next to her and but you just don't you don't anticipate that being your your postpartum journey. Um, and then when she passed, I always say it's like, I mean, I became a mother and motherless in the same breath.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:02

And what do you do with that? And that person, I think, for a lot of us, and and you know, I grieve the women who don't have a relationship with their own mother or they've lost their mother before motherhood because I feel it. Like that's supposed to be your person to guide you through what do you do when you know you don't know what you're supposed to do.

Kelly 27:31

You're like, mom, I just had this experience with Owen, and it's and you're not able to be in that position.

SPEAKER_03 27:40

I don't get to just call her and be like, hey, this happened. Is this normal? Yeah. Did you experience this? Or I really need some help. Can you come over and help me or give me a break? And I didn't have that. And so it was just a ton of grief at once. Yeah. In a time when I was like, I just I would love to be able to just mom. I want so yeah, that that was my entrance. That was my entrance into motherhood. And not what I had planned to say the least. Yeah. Not what I had hoped for. And shortly after, like nine months later, got pregnant again. Uh, which was a surprise. And that one actually came with what a beautiful surprise. A beautiful surprise. Beautiful surprise.

Kelly 28:40

I need to laugh right now because otherwise I'm gonna lose my shit. Seriously, pardon my French, everyone. But I am like hanging on by a thread right now.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

Yeah, it kind of feels weird to like go back and relive, to be honest with you, because I feel it feels so out of body. I can only imagine. And you can't tell me that that was not the most greatest gift that I've ever been given. It was there was a lot of fear attached to it, right? Because I didn't know. Um, is this baby gonna stick again? Like, are we gonna go through this whole thing again? And she did. She hung on. She was my little miracle baby, and I I do want to share this story because I think it's important when we talk about hope and faith. Is I had a call with a medium, it was a group call, and I know a lot of people don't believe in mediums. I didn't know what I believed, to be honest. Yeah, I also have a really strong relationship with God and my faith, and I know sometimes that's a little um controversial, controversial controversial. I just felt like I I need it, I just need to try it and see what happens. So it was a call of like 200 people, and I was like, there's no way that I'm just like gonna listen in and see what happens. She ended up coming through. My mom did. And when I tell you that this woman knew such specific details about our experience and my mother, there was no questioning. I was like, I there's no way you could know this, yeah, and understand this. And then she had said, Are you pregnant? And I was like, I I was freshly pregnant, like maybe okay, I was probably like seven weeks because we had done the like early genetic idea. Yeah, yeah. And she was, I was like, Yeah, I am. And she was like, Do you happen to know what it is, like a boy or girl? And I was like, We just found out, and she was like, Okay, I just needed to tell you that your mom's carrying your daughter right now. And she's okay, yeah, thread has been cut. Yeah, and and she's holding her until she can make it to you. And whether you want to believe that or not, that just that sentence alone kept me going.

Kelly 31:11

It's so interesting. I literally, even before you shared about hopping on this call and the experience with a medium, when you shared, we found out we were pregnant, I'm like, that's your mom. Yeah, that's your mom. Like, God is literally like, you got this, sister, you've got this for your daughter. Let's carry it through.

SPEAKER_03 31:32

Yeah, yeah. And and she did like it was a baby girl, she is so much like my mom. Like the firecracker that I love about my mom is living within this little child, and uh I it was it was a gift, and that is really where everything shifted for me in my life, right? We went through the craziest couple years of all this happening, and I lost myself, I lost my faith, I didn't know which way was up. I was dealing with grief. I'm a brand new mom. I am as vulnerable and as raw as ever and as lost as ever. And this little girl comes into my arms and the presence of my mom everywhere, and I felt never felt more connected to I I call it like someone had described it as like the thin veil between here and heaven. I never felt that so tangibly. Yeah, it's I felt fully protected and full of hope and full of direction for the first time since all of this had happened. And I have that has not gone away since. It has not gone away since. And so when Lily was I was uh towards the end of my maternity leave. To back this up a little bit, I loved my job. Loved my job. I had been there for 13 years or 11 years. Remind me what it was that you had been doing. So I was the director of marketing and events at a shopping center in Fargo, North Dakota. That's right. And it was a family-owned, shout-out West Acres, family-owned shopping center. So we were a small team owned by um, or the CEO was the son of the Bill, the man who built the mall and dreamed it up. And I started there as an intern. They didn't even have an internship. I like made my own internship.

Kelly 33:50

I was like, hey, I'm gonna do this. Can we just pause for a second because this is this? I know that this is a testament of just who you are internally. Yeah, like motivationally. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 34:05

Yes. I will tell you that besides two other jobs, every other job I've had is a job I've created.

Kelly 34:12

It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 34:14

And it was, I mean, the most, the, the biggest blessing of an experience because I went from being the marketing intern with a boss who had just moved remotely. So they were navigating a huge change in their in their um like operational standards for like marketing and things like that, and grew all the way up to the director of marketing events with a team under me. And it like could not have been a better experience. And so I want to say that because a lot of times when we talk about moving into entrepreneurship,

Holistic Healing And Redefining Motherhood

SPEAKER_03 34:51

you're leaving a bad environment.

Kelly 34:54

There's a um finding purpose in your challenges, right? And that is if I were to go through the Rollodex of the women who have been on the podcast, that is the percentage is pretty high.

SPEAKER_03 35:10

Right. So when I was, you know, in my maternity leave and thinking about leaving, I was like, what is happening? Why am I thinking about leaving? This is stability after the craziness we've just gone through. This is stability, it's something I love. There were obviously some logistics in there. I had been going up once a month for an entire week. And to do that with two young children and a husband who has a very demanding job, that logistically wasn't working out very well for me anymore.

Kelly 35:42

So that kind of-I just would love to have been a fly on the wall in your home having conversations with your husband about this.

SPEAKER_03 35:51

He was like, Because there are tension points in those conversations, and he's a very logical, he's an accountant, so like very logical, numbers-oriented. I'm a little more free-spirited, creative, like we're gonna do this. And he does know what about me.

Kelly 36:07

We have codes, like this is uh-huh, uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 36:10

Yeah. So he's like, we're doing what now. And but he knew he could kind of see it. Like something's brewing inside of you. Fine, let's do this. We have like a brand new baby and a not even two-year-old, but sure, let's do it. But I have to say that going through that whole experience and being a mom of two young kids now, and like you are, you're cracked wide open, your perspectives change, like what's important changes. And for me, time was so fragile. Yes. And I was like, if I do not do this now, I don't know if I ever will. Because my entire life I had lived in a safety net. Fear had run the show for so much of my life. And I look back on it now, and all of the fears that I had had, right? Life going off kilter. I actually had a fear when I was younger of losing my mom young.

Kelly 37:13

Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot.

SPEAKER_03 37:16

And all of these things, all of it had happened. And I found myself still standing there. And so I was like, oh, wait, wait, we're still here. We're still here. We're still here. I somehow survived. So I I might as well do it. I gotta do it. Left. Everyone thought I was crazy. So they were like, you are. I was it was never formally mentioned, but I was in line to get my boss's job because she would move up too. And so there was a trajectory there, there was a lot of future there. And I was like, no, I I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna try it, I'm gonna see.

Kelly 37:57

I'm feeling called, and I also felt my mom in those moments because it was like her little bug in the I literally was gonna ask you family lineage of entrepreneurs and her having that conversation with you, like Nikki, you will own your own business one day.

SPEAKER_03 38:12

That's what I kept feeling. That's what I kept feeling.

Kelly 38:15

I feel so unhinged right now. I'm just trying to keep my compulsion. And at this, like in this moment right now, like in one fell swoop, I'm just like, oh my gosh, it's just the amount of like joy that is like rushing through me right now for you is pretty insurmountable.

SPEAKER_03 38:38

It's I mean, we'll get we'll get to the future part of this story, but it isn't been an amazing journey. And I while I would never, ever, ever wish to go through any of that or to lose my mom, she had always said when the minute she got her diagnosis, like we were on the news and everything for all, but like there's a lot of backstories to this, but she had said, I'm not going to let this define me. I'm going to put this pain to purpose. And that's what I meant to say earlier, by the way. Pain to purpose. She's like, I'm going to put this pain to purpose. And as she was getting sicker and sicker, and we were talking about, you know, what does this mean and why is this happening? She had always said, like, you're going to do something with this. You're going to do something with all this pain. I don't know what it is, but you're going to do something with this. And I still didn't know what it meant at that point of deciding to jump into entrepreneurship, but I was like, now's the time. So I had started uh a marketing agency because I felt like that was the next step, right? I'm in marketing. That seems like it seems like the only lane possible. So we're gonna do it. And so it was great on paper. It fuels me in some ways, right? I learned so much. I learned so much. And I had grown the business to six figures in like nine or ten months. Success on paper, right? That's all anyone could ever ask for. And I felt like I had something to prove because I left this stability, this job. Everyone had always said, like, you're so good at what you do, like anything you do will be successful. And I also felt this pressure of like, okay, my I felt my mom telling me to do this. I don't want to like let her down when like she has always said I would do this, and but inside it was dying. Dying. I got pneumonia for seven weeks. Yeah, like literally, my body was breaking down. The body keeps score. There's a book out there about it too. Score.

Kelly 41:01

The the body keeps the score.

SPEAKER_03 41:03

Yeah, yes. And I found myself at a crossroads of what am I doing? Wait, I want to be in entrepreneurship, I really do, but this thing that I thought I was really good at, which I am really good at, is now like slowly killing me. And I'm not being the person I want to be, and I'm not showing up as the mom I want to be, and this is not what I ever thought this was gonna look like.

SPEAKER_00 41:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:30

And that identity shift alone, like, who am I if I can't make this work? And I left this great job, and that job was part of my entire identity for so long. Yeah, it was my whole identity, if I'm being honest with you, prior to motherhood. And I lost that, and I and and and I found myself in that like cyclical pattern of like I'm lost again. What am I gonna do with this?

Kelly 41:56

It's interesting when um when you feel that loss of purpose, right? And just how how much it shifts your alignment out of place. Yes. And when I I mean, this is what we talk about so much on this podcast about is like realignment.

Miracle Pregnancy While Grief Grows

Kelly 42:21

And when you find that realignment is when purpose snaps back into place, you know exactly what things are going to not exactly, right? But yeah, it is it becomes so much more clear what the trajectory of this path is going to look like and how you're gonna walk that path. And faith can, you know, for some some of us, faith interweaves into that and how we're walking that path and how we're grasping um our Lord's hand, yes, too. Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 42:56

And the the interesting part of all of this is through this whole journey of kind of running alongside my agency and not really thinking much about it. At that time, we had launched FEMA Founders Twin Cities. We had launched it the the month, the same month that I went full-time in entrepreneurship. I we launched FEMA Founders Twin Cities. So how that happened is I was sitting Brittany, uh my co-founder, she was one of my clients for the agency at the time, and we had met prior through like a mom Instagram group. I had foot photographed her kids, and we were sitting at the table, and I was like, man, like this journey already has been so lonely. Yeah. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I miss the connection. I I don't have an office that I like connect with anymore. And but every space I've entered feels so performative and icky to me, and like just. Surface level, that is never how I've been.

SPEAKER_00 44:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:02

And I was like, I'm just craving a space that feels like a lot more intimate, deep. We can get real about some of these struggles, and it's really focused on women. And she was like, Well, do you want someone to do it with you? Like, I'll do it with you. And I was like, Okay, yeah, let's do it. In that moment, we were sitting together at Modern Well in Minneapolis. In that moment, we went up to the front desk and we were like, We want to do this thing. Can we do it here? I love this story. And they were like, sure, okay. Two months later, we had our first meetup and it sold out. And the interesting thing is that continued to just kind of run. Like it was kind of like our side thing. Gave us, you know, purpose. It gave us connection, all the things that we were looking for. But never really thought more about it until this moment in my business when I was hitting a breaking point and a burnout point that I didn't think I was going to recover from. The amazing thing is I had so Brittany, the angel that she is, she is a master practitioner in subconscious reprogramming and NLP. So I had been working with her. Obviously, you know, she's in my marketing agency, but I also took part in the offers that she had. So I had been in this work for at that point, probably about a year and a half. I'd done a lot of programs, I had done a lot of the inner work. The work changed my life.

SPEAKER_00 45:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 45:35

It really did. And in a time when I needed it so desperately, I'm finding myself again and realizing a lot of patterns that were happening and just reconnecting myself to actually listen to my intuition again. You know, it's I want to sit here for a moment.

Kelly 45:53

Yes, if if we will. Please. As women, intuition is it it's us. It's us. We have it. And when we are, when we have moved away from that, presents challenges. And you you literally are like speaking testament to that. Yeah. And so when we can snap back to this place where we are trusting our guts, we are trusting like that initial response that is coming up. Now, sometimes, and this is probably what Brittany has talked about too, is like discerning between fear and actual, like, you know, the opposite of that. Yes. And I would be so curious how she like allowed you to recognize move how do I move through this and know this is fear talking, remove it.

SPEAKER_03 46:56

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I would love to talk about that. So the biggest pivotal moment for me with this work was I went on what she calls a breakthrough immersion. So it's a two-day experience where you are. We went to uh the Shoreline Hotel in Minnetonka, and she purposely takes you out of your environment so that you can fully connect back into yourself. Shout out to Brittany. I know, y'all. If you need, it's so good. I wrote her name down. Yes, it's so good.

Kelly 47:33

Do we need to have Britney on the phone?

SPEAKER_03 47:34

You do need to have Brittany of her testimony, her story is just as powerful.

Kelly 47:41

Brittany's gonna listen to this and she's gonna be like, oh, thanks for oh, she knows I and girl loves to talk.

SPEAKER_03 47:48

So she'll be like, wait, can't wait. I'm actually going to like watch her speak on stage this weekend. And so the first day of the breakthrough immersion, it is an eight-hour experience of identity work and subconscious work, hypnosis, time techniques, um breathing techniques, breath work, like so. I mean, she has a toolkit. And through those experiences, it helps you unlock and reconnect to yourself of like this is fear, or this is intuition, or this is a pattern, this is a belief that I've believed about myself from I found a lot of my beliefs were from generational.

Kelly 48:38

Yeah. Um I think a lot of women who are listening right now can empathize and are paralleling with that.

SPEAKER_03 48:47

I am. I mean, for example, my mom or my mom lost her dad at 12 years old to a house fire and a heart attack. So same thing. Yeah, same to the same time. Lost her brother right before she got married to my dad. They were entrepreneurs, right? There's no certainty with entrepreneurship. So a lot of up and downs. I was a pre-me baby. Like when I say that I lived my life in fear for a long time, so did she. And without even knowing it, it was passed down. Yep. I lived in a safety net, and all of my safety nets were starting to fizzle. They were gone. I mean, my mom, my first nervous system in my life, was gone. How do I rebuild?

Kelly 49:40

Yeah. Just I am like, yeah. Sorry, listeners. Um, I you cannot see me right now, and I'm kind of grateful for that because I literally am just trying to keep my composure.

SPEAKER_03 49:54

But truly, and being able to find myself again through that work of like, oh, I actually do know what's right for me. And I just fear has been changing the way I operate. It's, I mean, when we talk about being in misalignment and we talk about the agency, I was making decisions because the world told me I needed to make them. All the things on social media, you should do it this way. Like, if you want to make this, success looks like this. You, you know, this is the expectation of you. You know, even just people in my life of like, you anything you put your mind to, you'll be successful at. Okay, great. What does that actually look like? And what is success to me anyway?

Kelly 50:43

What is success to you anyway?

SPEAKER_03 50:44

Thank you for asking. It took a long time to find it, and I am I finally know what it is, and it's what I'm loving right now.

Kelly 50:53

Immenses.

SPEAKER_03 50:54

And that is in a career that I absolutely love and am on fire for, and get to make lasting impact in women's lives. I now get to have my kids home Mondays and Fridays and the weekends, obviously. So I'm living like that part-time, part-time life. It feels so balanced. And I know we hate that word. Harmonious.

Kelly 51:17

I love it.

SPEAKER_03 51:17

Harmonious.

Kelly 51:18

I love it.

SPEAKER_03 51:19

Uh my husband and I are finally at a point where we feel like we have the capacity to dive into our marriage and find our ourselves with through our marriage again because what does that look like? We have had a lot to do a lot of individual work first.

SPEAKER_00 51:38

I love it.

SPEAKER_03 51:39

And I'm so grateful that he has been open to that because this whole journey was not easy on him either. And I didn't even have the lens to notice that for the longest time. Because I had, I mean, yeah, new mom dealing with a great. And so the person that he could feel safest with me wasn't there to actually support that through him. And we needed to get credit to some of these men they feel deeply too. And while I needed him to be our rock, he was struggling deeply on the inside.

SPEAKER_00 52:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:19

And so that kind of through some experiences and realizing everything that was brewing inside of him, I'm so grateful he was open to doing some of his own individual work. And then once we felt like we had a firmer understanding of ourselves again, we started doing work together. So couples therapy, and you know, we're still very actively working on it because as a lot of us mamas know, we have I have an almost three-year-old and a four-year-old. And he has a very demanding job. I'm still like in the thick of entrepreneurship, and like we're we're just now figuring things out. I would say, like, literally in the last month or two, and trying to find the time to actually do that and prioritizing it. And so it's right now, we are currently in the phase of like we just need to make that commitment to each other that this is what's important.

SPEAKER_00 53:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:15

And ensure that we are healed in all the ways we felt like we needed to be healed, and then like start dreaming again. I love that. That has been our biggest thing is since we got married, and even before marriage, we were both like the good child. We were the rule followers, we did everything the way we're still. Both firstborns? I am not a firstborn.

Kelly 53:37

You're not maybe you would never know. Did we talk about this on the phone? I feel like we did.

SPEAKER_03 53:42

Maybe. Uh love my sisters, but uh we did, because I remember you talking about your sisters. Yeah, love my sisters, and I just there's a big gap. So my half-sister is 20 years older than me.

SPEAKER_00 53:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 53:56

My biological older sister is uh five years older than me, but we are very different personality-wise. And I was kind of always put on this pedestal as a child, and um, you don't realize how that affects the dynamic of your sibling relationship and of your own picture of yourself and that other person.

SPEAKER_00 54:19

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 54:20

That has also kind of been brought to light in a lot of that identity work, and just feeling like I didn't ever want to

Postpartum Caregiving And Becoming Motherless

SPEAKER_03 54:30

stress out my parents more than they already were, and I didn't want to let them down, and they had this like big vision for me, so I felt like I couldn't fail.

SPEAKER_00 54:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 54:45

So coming together, we just followed the rules, right? We did everything we thought we should do, even when people thought, like, you know, that's crazy or whatever. This is the first time in our life where we are taking ownership of this is where we're at now. Like, let's dream again. What do we actually want our life to look like on our own terms? That has been the most freeing feeling, I think, in our marriage since we've been together.

Kelly 55:11

That's be that's really beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 55:13

Yeah, and just now, like you are speaking to me in real time of this happening. So I'm I'm looking forward to what that means for us in the future.

Kelly 55:22

Designing a life for yourself that feels good, and yes, I used the word feel, but looks exactly how you want, and it doesn't matter to the outside world if it looks crazy, if it looks taboo, if it's outside of what the regular scheme of life typically looks like for a household. I just had this conversation with um, her name is Sarah Schaefer, and she's uh an agent out of our Lake Sotheby's office as well. She's been on the podcast. Okay. And she shared just the kind of the inner workings of the dynamic of her family, the kids, the autonomy that they have, how they help out in the business, because both of both her and her husband are entrepreneurs. Okay, yeah. And who they have surrounded themselves with. Family is huge, right? So they have this family that surrounds them, and then um they have had like a housekeeper of sorts, but like it's like somebody who they deeply care for and is there on a on a weekly basis to start the week off and set the set the tone for the week in the house. And I was like, Sarah, you have designed a life that by all means to the outside world is like I could never, you know, but for you, it's darn near perfect. Yeah. And I feel the same way for our household and how everything, like week by week, month by month, the designing and curation of what our lives are looking like. I love it. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 57:13

And also just permission to pivot. Yeah, like life changes so quickly, and I feel like, especially as women, we don't give ourselves enough grace to just try something, and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't mean you failed. Yes, it just means that something else is calling you further. And that has also been one of the biggest unlocks for me in in all this uh inner and identity work is that like I have the permission to do that. I get to decide what success looks like for me. I get to create a life that might not look like what somebody else wants, and that is okay. That is okay. And if it ends up not working out or being in alignment like I thought it was, then we shift again, and that's fine. You take the learnings along the way and you keep going. And what a blessing to be able to show my kids that as well, right? And so I've just been really embracing that and to kind of like bring that full circle with all that. Like, I mean, I could talk forever about what this work has unlocked for me and changed my life in so many ways. And one of the biggest is obviously it is now the premise of what we do inside Female Founders Twin Cities. So where we were at in that pivotal moment of I can't have this agency anymore. So we were in like, you know, our breakthrough session, and she was like, okay, we're we went through all this. Like, be honest with me, what do you want? And not only is it vulnerable to say what you want out loud? It's also vulnerable to say what you want out loud to your co-founder for something that you want that would look different than what it does now. So what I wanted was to own female founders Twin Cities. I didn't want to take her away from it, yeah, but I wanted it to be a business. I wanted it to grow. I wanted there to be more impact there, and we were at the point of growth where it wasn't going to work anymore for, or like we weren't gonna grow anymore if one of us wasn't going to kind of take the lead in that. It was also at a point when she was making a lot of shifts in her business and she was like, I don't have capacity to take it on on my own. So you, this was your brain child, like you do it. I'm not going anywhere, but why can't this be a career? And at that point, I like it hadn't even dawned on me that that could actually be a job, that that could be a business, because I had never seen anyone do it and never seen anybody be a community leader as a job or as a career. Like, how do you make a business out of that? And that was such a pivotal moment for me because it was the first time I allowed myself to be like, there's so many more possibilities out there than I've ever allowed myself to believe. Oh, yeah. And we don't get to see those things when we have blocks and beliefs that are telling us otherwise. And that's why that work matters. Because if if I would have been asked that question six months earlier, I wouldn't have even been able to say it. I wouldn't have even known. But because I had done all of that work and released so much of the stuff that was holding me back, I actually could see it for the first time ever.

Kelly 1:01:05

The receptivity that was happening at that given moment. Um, I was having, I had a happy hour yesterday afternoon with um two gals who live here in E Dinah as well. And we were literally talking about this very thing of receptivity and how to give an example, you could have somebody say something to you, and you're like, Yeah, okay. And all of a sudden, it's like months and months later, somebody else says the same exact thing to you, and all of a sudden you're like, Yes. Or and I think how we were talking about this is because you're you appreciate the holistic approach to mind, body, soul. Yeah. Excuse me. We were talking about um the woman, the woman who is with me is getting her certification as a health coach and is sitting down with sort of like um complimentary services for training. And as she's having conversations with people, it's like taking this holistic approach. And some some people are just not ready to hear, like, I need to lose weight. You know what I mean? And they have to be in this mindset to be able to be ready and receptive to hearing advice.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:32

Yes.

Kelly 1:02:34

When the time is right.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:35

Yes. And we've seen it time and time again with the women that we work with that there is a level of shift and belief and reality that sometimes needs to be worked through before they're ever ready to do what they thought they needed to do first. Yeah. And so the cool thing is we made that decision very quickly. It was like we got done with that breakthrough immersion, and I went home and I told my husband, I was like, I think I'm closing the agency. He was like, Oh my gosh, okay, what are what are we doing? And thank goodness he was, I mean, so supportive. He knew I was so on fire for this. But especially as a logical-minded man, he's like, Yeah, this you're making how how is this gonna be a business now? And we thought through it, we had to think through like, what does this actually look like? What do we want it to look like? And came up with ideas and talked to our community about what was missing, what

Hope Returns With A Baby Girl

SPEAKER_03 1:03:40

they wanted, and we made a lot of shifts in that time. And the funny thing was kind of through like those uh one and a half to two-ish years, we just had like the meetups. So we do a monthly meetup. Yeah, it's a mix of identity work and business development. At the time, it was more we call mindset and marketing.

Kelly 1:04:04

I get I I like that though. We did.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:06

It was it didn't feel it's not in alignment anymore. Sure. But it worked at the time. And we were not selling out rooms as much as we wanted to. Sure. Cause it just like, I mean, we look back now and we're like, yeah, of course it makes sense. We weren't like really going for it, we weren't in alignment. So we ended up doing like a rebrand. We really got solidly focused on who we serve, like what wim woman actually wants to walk through our door and what we stand for. And we made all of those shifts within within a month. We have sold out every meetup since. We are now selling out six weeks in advance of our meetups. And way to go. Thank you. Thank you. And so I officially became owner January of this year, and it's now my sole business. I I am also a photographer, photographer, and videographer. Okay. That's like a whole nother story. Um, it's always just kind of been a passion of mine. It's it's I would call still a side business. I do it as I as I love, um, but I work with brands and families, and it's been like a nice complimentary uh service to the women that I work with. But now, you know, we talk about entrepreneurship alignment. I've never felt more in alignment in my entire life, and it is all of this craziness that has happened in our life the last five years, it is now felt more for full circle and more purposeful than it ever has before. Like I see it now. I see God's plan. It's not what I thought it was gonna be. It's not what I planned. Rarely ever.

Kelly 1:06:05

Rarely ever.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:07

But it's, I mean, something to know about my mom is she was an entrepreneur, but she was the biggest advocate for women and small business owners. And my parents were known in their industry worldwide for how they treated people and how they created relationships with people and how they brought people up. And they really just masterfully created community wherever they went. And my aunt always said that if you weren't friends with my mom, it's just because you hadn't met her yet. Yeah. And now it makes so perfect sense that this is the business. Of course it is. Of course it's the business.

Kelly 1:06:57

Impact. Impact. That's all I can think of. Community is the best word.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:01

I get to lift up women. I get to help build their dreams alongside of my own. I have always been called, and for the longest time I really didn't know what this meant, but I had always been called like a healer. Like that's actually one thing that the medium also said to me is that like you were put here to like heal people. And I was like, I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. And and and you know, my my therapist has always said, like, have you ever considered going in to like be a therapist? You know, maybe, but like tack therapy isn't really my thing. And this is where it comes full, full circle. Is so when I was making that decision to go full-time in Female Founders from Cities, when I said that Brittany was on the shift of her own in her business, it's because she had decided to build an institute to certify women in this work. So next year I will be going through the certification program to be certified in this work and just get to deepen how I get to, on a more personal level, get to work with women and what that might mean for me. Yeah. Is still an open door. I was sharing vulnerably with Brittany the other day. I was just kind of sitting in my office, and there's a picture of my mom on the wall, and I was kind of thinking of all the things that she's ever told me. And sometimes when I'm really quiet with myself is when I can hear her the most. And I just got this like full body rush. Something, if you've ever walked through cancer with somebody, is when you go into those chemo treatment rooms, it is the most depressing thing. Like, I don't know why they don't make them more positive. I mean, I kind of know, but I don't know why they don't make them more positive. It it is just it's depressing.

Kelly 1:09:05

There's a business for that.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:06

Yes. There's the environments are depressing. And through all the research that we've done, we know that your brain is the most empowering tool for healing. There's plenty of science to back that up. And I just sat with myself and I got this unlock, and I'm gonna share this with the world because I mean, like, I'm just all about putting things out there. I don't know if this will ever happen, but you'll you'll get to hear it first. I was like, okay, I'm getting certified in this work. I know I want to heal people in some way. I don't want to be responsible for people's healing, but I want to aid in it. I want to honor that, you know, chapter in my mom's life in some way. What do you mean? I what if I work with cancer patients on their belief system behind their diagnosis?

Kelly 1:09:58

Remember when I said there's literally a business for that?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:01

Nikki here. Cause she always said, I'm not going to be defined by my diagnosis. And so many people hear that diagnosis, especially when it's stage four, and they think this is my death sentence. And it does not need to be. And I'm not putting any false claims out there. I'm simply saying the quality of life, and there are plenty of testimonials out there of people literally rewiring their brain for healing and seeing amazing outcomes. And I don't, the thing is, you say it's a business. I don't even know if I see it as a business. I just want to do it. I just want to help. I just want to be that person that can lead her legacy in a way that makes that experience full circle and putting that pain to purpose. Have you thought about what this could look like? Not really. It's so new. Like literally, I sent her this message last week, Brittany. Okay.

Kelly 1:11:04

So this is so good. This is this is pivotal. This is seriously pivotal.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:11

So when I say that I am like literally getting my hue back and reclaiming my hue, like it's happening in real life. Like you are talking to me in real time. I have it's I feel this like version of myself being rebirthed in this moment through all of these things, and and I would not be who I am without all of that.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:43

And I can look up and I can sit in so much gratitude for every single one of those experiences, knowing that it led me here.

Kelly 1:11:53

I am gonna lose my mind right now, Nikki. I am just gonna lose my mind in all of the right ways. I'm just trying to keep my composure because it is seriously one of the most beautiful things that I think I've heard in a very long

Leaving A Dream Job For A Calling

Kelly 1:12:10

time.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:10

Thank you.

Kelly 1:12:12

Just this like full circle in honoring your mother, honoring other people, honoring yourself. Oof da. Okay. Keep going.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:27

Because I just need to meet.

Kelly 1:12:30

Thank you. It's you know how are you keeping composure right now, Nikki?

SPEAKER_03 1:12:37

Oh, I've done so much work on this. So much work on this. I have my moments. Um it's funny because um I'll probably leave here and lose it. My car is like my safe space, and I have a particular playlist I put on that gets me in my feels, and like those are my moments to like really release. But it's in like a beautiful way now. I someone was asking me because like through all this, something we haven't even touched on is six months ago, my dad had a stroke, and I am now a sole caregiver for him. He's an assisted living, but like I take him to therapies, I've been his sole advocate. It's been I do, I mean, this caretaker role is that's like a whole other thing I could speak forever on.

Kelly 1:13:26

There is a I feel like there's like a coined uh term for this, and it's like sample. The sandwich generation.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:34

There's actually two women in Minnesota that have a podcast now called The Sandwich Generation. Yeah. And I'm actually gonna, I'm gonna meet up with them sometime this month because one, it's it's so lonely.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:46

It's slow, so lonely. People do not understand the depths of it. And you know, I finally felt like I was kind of like coming into my own. This was like when I had made the decision to go into female founders full-time, and then this happens, and I was like, oh my gosh. Anyway, all that to say, even that, even that, I can look at this and go, okay, this was for a purpose. And with all the work that I've done, inner work, identity work, all that, when those moments of uncertainty or life literally get slipped up on his head, I get to know one, what I lived through, and say, okay, I went through it. So like I I will get through this in some way, shape, or form. But because of the identity work, I also get to move through through those things with so much more ease and alignment because now I know how to connect back into myself.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:49

I know how to trust myself, I know what my intuition is saying, I know symptoms per se of me being out of alignment. And to be able to share that work with other women is the most beautiful gift I've ever been given. And I mean, I by the grace of God, Brittany, I mean, I always say, and I don't know if anyone else can resonate with this with if they've lost somebody. So my mom was my everything. I've said that before. So many pieces of her were missing when we lost her. I gained so many new friendships since she's been gone. And each one of those deep friendships, I feel like is her way of sprinkling herself back into my life. It's not a replacement, it's not a replacement, but it's like, oh, you do this that like I used to get from her, and you do this, I used to get from her. And I share that freely with those women because I want them to know what that relationship means to me on that level as well. Not as a level of responsibility, that's not on them. It's more of like what a gift you have been since you've walked into my life.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:08

And the gift of building a community like we have is one, it is a community like no other, and I stand by that even without bias. Yeah, I truly do. We get messages weekly about the friendships, the collaborations, the transformations in the life and business of these women that happen all the time. And now I also get to experience that friendship and that community and continuing to find pieces of myself through these women. Because, like you said, like the reflection, the mirror, being able to mirror back to one of the each being able to mirror back with each other is one of the most sacred gifts that we often overlook as women. Yeah. Because there's so many times when we sit and we create stories in our head or we think we're the only ones, and all it takes is one person to say, I'm dealing with this, and the other person to feel seen. And if we can just make more women feel seen and give them the tools to connect back into themselves, create businesses out of alignment, we will not only create stronger generations of entrepreneurs, we will shape what the entrepreneurship journey is in this state. And I say this estate because we are so passionate about fueling back into our particular like location and area. And that has that is what has become the mission. Like it's much more than what it is on the surface.

Kelly 1:17:48

I'd love for you to share what the profile of the women who are a part of female founders looks like. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:59

So it's really cool. We never anticipated what a wide range from like a demographic standpoint that we would reach. So we have women anywhere from like graduated college a couple of years ago to in their 50s and 60s. New entrepreneurs, entrepreneurs who have been in 17, 20, 25 years. And the thing is, is so many communities, and there we have a lot of amazing communities in this, in this state, and we are blessed by them, grateful for them. There's a purpose for each and every one of them. A lot of times, when it comes to these communities, it's like we only serve women who make under $250,000 or over this amount of amount of money, or we only serve young women, or we only serve women who have been in entrepreneurship for a long time, or you know, really siloing those things. What we're missing is that no matter what stage of business we're in, what age we are, what background we have, we're all dealing with the same things. Yes. Just in different ways. Yes. And so we could have a woman in the room who has been in entrepreneurship for 20 years, making a million dollars, and we could have a brand new entrepreneur still figuring things out. They can share a similar belief that they've had that's holding them back and still mirror each other and get something out of what the other one has to say. Totally. And it has nothing to do with these vanity metrics we've put on these women. I love that call-out. Yeah. I love that call-out. And so we are really passionate about

Agency Success That Felt Like Dying

SPEAKER_03 1:19:41

not labeling that. We want the woman who is willing to come into a room, show up with open arms to embrace new connections, friendships, collaborations. Who, you know, maybe she's interested in the inner work but hasn't like done much, or she loves personal development because that is a huge premise of what we do. It's basically the foundation of what we do, and knows that we are not gonna be an easy button for her business. We we are here to guide, we are not here to tell. So a lot of times, you know, you you see business strategy and workshops and things like that, and you're like, great, I'm gonna go in, I'm gonna learn, I'm gonna get a framework, I'm gonna go implement it. No, no, no. We are this is how we get those answers out of you. We are gonna guide you through a process that helps you discover what you already know, yeah, gives you ideas on how you can make it your own and what's actually in alignment to you and ensure it's in alignment to your version of success. And if you don't know what that version of success is yet, well, we start there first. Like, let's get there first. So good. And so that that's more of the woman that we we look towards, is and versus you know, metrics or demographics. It's like if you are called to be in a room with deeper connection, a place where you can get vulnerable, feel safe, talk about the real stuff, and are willing to dive in and reconnect with yourself, you are for us.

Kelly 1:21:23

Obviously, you have to be a woman too.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:26

Yes. Yes, there is like that. There's that, and um, not that we don't love our men, there is just a unique experience that we share as women and um a sense of like sisterhood and girlhood that we all crave that comes from being in a room with other women.

Kelly 1:21:45

Yeah, I couldn't agree more. Yeah. I want to tie in or start to weave in what it has looked like from the motherhood standpoint as you had been building female founders and what it looks like now. Because I heard you very clearly that it feels as if there is more harmonization now. And that's something that you have curated for yourself as well. And I'm certain that that hasn't come. I'm certain that that also means it's come with the peaks and the valleys.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:22

Yes, yeah, absolutely. I, you know, going into entrepreneurship, even going through the agency, I felt so much pressure, and that really stemmed into motherhood. When you have a belief inside you, and I had a lot of perfectionism, a lot of like planning, you know, those things run deep. That doesn't just affect business, that affects your entire life. That affects motherhood too. And so when it came to being a mom, I put so much pressure on myself to be like the perfect mom. And there's no such thing as the perfect mom. And I also felt this added weight of being the mom that I had because I had lost her, that I'm like, well, I want to do this in like the way she knew I could do it and the way that she did it, and that didn't give me any room to like discover who I actually was as a mom. And so as we've been building female founders and going through entrepreneurship, and it, you know, we're vulnerable, it cracks you open, you're doing this identity work, all of that, because I do this work on a daily basis with other women, and then it also, you know, incorporates into my own self has shifted how I mother because I finally have found my intuition again as a mother. And that doesn't mean that there are moments that I don't lose it, that I make mistakes or moments that I I'm not proud of. It just means that when those things happen, I know where they came from. I know what I need to do to be a better version of myself in that moment, and then how I then bring my kids into that. It's all to me, it's all about finding alignment in motherhood, and that is going to shift almost on a daily basis. And we don't give ourselves enough credit or enough grace to allow things to shift that quickly.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:35

It's just like, oh, well, this is this is the thing, this is the schedule, this is the whatever. No, no, no. What's actually happening in that day? Like, yeah, we as women are cyclical creatures. We're also learning about that right now is like we have cycles in our nervous systems, and like that directly relates to how we mother.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:55

And how we show up for our kids. So, if anything, my biggest shift in motherhood is actually what I did for myself first. Like, what mic drop? What, yeah, truly. And this is the first time I have told myself this is not selfish anymore. This is directly affecting them because I had a moment, especially within the last six months, when my dad was really needing me, and I felt like I was reliving a lot of this past trauma of I have two young kids at home that I'm trying to take care of and be the best for. And I have this very vulnerable parent that needs me. He has nobody else.

unknown 1:25:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:38

And I'm lost myself, and I wasn't able to show up for my kids, my marriage, my dad in a way that was conducive to any of us because I wasn't doing anything for myself. And but I the thing about doing that work is I noticed it quicker. I noticed it quicker. I knew I what tools I needed to tap into. I knew I needed to get back deeper into my community and into my friendships and into what I needed to do to heal my body in that moment and nurture my body in that moment and my nervous system. And I am now seeing the fruits of that labor in my children because we are two weeks into our new schedule of them being home with me. And I was super nervous. I'm not gonna lie.

Kelly 1:26:29

I was because this is the first summer.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:31

This is the first summer of doing this. I told myself I was doing it last summer. I actually put it out on social media I was doing it, and fear led the show, and I did not do it.

Kelly 1:26:41

Interesting. I was too. Usually when you do something like that, it's sort of like this accountability built into the stuff.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:48

I think I thought that's what it was gonna be, and then I didn't do it because I just kept telling myself, like, I'm not a good enough mom to do this. I, if you know, my nervous system was not at a point to like be a good mom, and I they would miss their friends or they'd fall behind because I wasn't giving them the structure, the education that they were getting at daycare

Building Female Founders With Inner Work

SPEAKER_03 1:27:10

those two days, and all of these beliefs that I had in myself that like I just wasn't good enough for them.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:17

Oof.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:18

And it wasn't gosh, I don't remember now. A couple months ago, I was sitting with a friend who is a full-time stay-at-home mom, and I think I was at that point where I could accept what she was about to say, and she was like, What are you even talking about? Like, they don't need anything from you, they just want to be with you. They just want to be with you. Yep, you do not have to do anything in particular to be ready for this. You are already ready for it just by being their mom. And that shifted everything to me for me, to be honest, because I was just like. Like, okay, you're right. They do just want to be with me. Literally from that moment forward, I kind of prepared myself over the the weeks following by okay, I'm going to do some laundry and I'm going to have them help me. I'm going to cook and we're going to learn how to like roll do this recipe together. We're going to go sit outside and we're just going to sit. They're going to run and play around and I'm going to sit and read a book or I'm going to sit and work on my computer.

unknown 1:28:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:28

I was just never given an example of that. So I didn't think it existed.

Kelly 1:28:34

I am digging this so much. Yeah. I see a lot of parallels. Now ours isn't as formal as yours is, but there's certainly pivots and shifts that happen. I think we were speaking to this before we hit record just on, you know, the um Wednesdays and Thursdays, Wednesdays that the boys come back to us and we are integrating them into the business. And it's not full-time by any stretch, but I should say, and it's allowing us to have additional support in the business in the areas where it's like, yes, we can, we can pass this off because it's not like it's not a super high touch thing with clients. Right. And even if it was, our clients would probably love it because they know who the Kirk boys are anyways. And um, you know, it it also allows them the the freedom to build autonomy and go and spend times like I don't know when you were born, Nikki, but like back in the day when I was growing up, like there were not cell phones, and I would hear a whistle from my mom, that was time for me to come home for dinner. Yeah. Otherwise, I was like gone and you know, spending time with my friends.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:59

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I just we we put so much pressure on ourselves, and I feel like as we see more women be open and vulnerable about their versions of success and seeing them in real time, more women are going to give themselves permission to do the same. Yeah.

Kelly 1:30:19

And we're definitely in a fun era right now for women.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:23

Yes, and that it can be possible. It is possible, and that's the coolest thing that I get to live out right now. And is this gonna be forever? I don't know. I don't know. That's the first time I've been okay saying that. Like, I don't know what the future holds, I don't know what a couple months from now holds, but right now it feels really good. And if there's anything I've learned through all of this, it's I've spent so much time preparing for the next thing that I've lost what's happening now. And between entrepreneurship, motherhood, losing what you know I felt was my postpartum experiences and like looking back at photos and being like, that even happened. I was so focused on like caring for the next person or fixing and like doing all that, that I didn't actually get to live in it. And you know, part of that sure is out of my control. However, I get to change that now.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:18

I get to decide that now. So if today means I'm going to wake up and we're gonna have a slow morning and we're just gonna embrace each other's time and we're gonna go with it and see what happens, then that's what we're gonna do. We don't have to have what looks like or what I think it needs to be every single day. And I love those reels on Instagram where it's like, I need to remember that I'm living like I'm a 30-year-old living for the first time too. Like I am just a girl living this for the first time too. I'm just uh a mom living motherhood for the first time. I where, you know, I'm sure I know the answer to this, but let's like, where did we decide that we have to have all the answers that we need to know that we have to have it prepared?

Kelly 1:32:14

Yeah, everything will be provided for us, yeah, and really well. As women of faith, that's just something that resonates with me. And yes, um, I literally like last night was as I'm in preparation for this event, the podcast anniversary event, which I hope you can make it.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:32

Wait, I know I'm gonna be gone, it's like literally the two days that I'm meeting up with my girlfriends from up north.

Kelly 1:32:40

As you should, as you should, but in preparation for that, it it's it is creating some interesting little anxieties as well. Yeah, and I found a Bible verse where I was like, you know, it's I think it's Philippians 4. I'm not good at memorizing because it's really it's it's a challenge for me. But it was like, do not be anxious, do not like just trust. And it it it provided that sense of security for me where I was like, you're right, everything will work itself out, everything's gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:18

Yeah. I got to see the fruits of that in real time recently, like literally last week. Uh my husband's job is going through a big transition, and we've been living kind of in the gray area for a couple months, and could make big financial impacts on our family. And as I'm still freshly into this as a business, like there's a lot of moving parts. And he has been just really anxious. Like, what is this gonna mean? Like, is this good? Is this bad? What is the actual like numbers and details behind this? And I told him I was like, you know what? I actually I'm not nervous. Like I've it it's gonna all be fine. I've never been able to say that before and stand behind it. It's all going to be fine, it's all going to work out. I know that his plan is so much bigger than what we ever can put together for ourselves. And I refuse to try to create a story or a version of our future that we don't know if that's even gonna happen.

Kelly 1:34:22

It's so interesting, and I'm sure you have these moments too where you're like, my gosh, loosen the grip, girlfriend. And as soon as you do, it is like the floodgates open up, and you're like, this is why we like we repeatedly hear like let go, let go of the control, like literally like Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:45

It is that full surrender, and it's not just saying that you surrender, yeah, it's embodying that surrender.

Kelly 1:34:53

Well, let me ask you this: what has that looked like for you? I'm pretty sure you have spoken to this, but like let's sit here for a moment.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:01

Truly, it is not allowing my mind to go into fear, it's not allowing my mind to go into control or to old patterns. It is fully embracing my faith and saying, I don't know what's next, and I'm not going to plan it this time. I'm going to live each day as it is in the present moment, not trying to anticipate what's coming next. And I'm going to allow you to write the story the way you were meant to write it. And I trust that your version is better than anything I can even imagine at this point. So you do it, and I'm here to guide. I'm here to follow. So good.

Kelly 1:35:49

That's so good, Nikki. I think it's time. I could talk forever. I know. I think it's time for us to start winding things down. And I I just have to say, because you had a podcast before, right? Yeah. So kudos to you. It is very evident that you understood the assignment of the preparatory questions. And so it's been quite refreshing to not have to like be totally guiding the conversation. It's a good idea. It's so fantastic. Thank you. Seriously. And and it was so eloquent and beautifully spoken. Thank you. And perhaps that's part of the reason I absolutely lost my marbles several times in this interview. But let's start to wind things down. Um, I would be curious, it's a we'll shake things up a little bit. Love it. My husband and I are in real estate, and I am I've been noticing as we are either in a room with sellers talking about getting everything prepped for their listing or walking new buyers through properties. There's always like a favorite room. There's always a favorite room that they're talking about. What's the favorite room in your household? I love a kitchen.

SPEAKER_03 1:37:15

Tell me more. As a woman of community, it has always been that gathering place. We always used to joke. I come from a really large family, my mom's family. She came from eight kids in that her family. And every holiday, no matter if you try to or not, everyone just congregates in the kitchen. It's just this space where and I also love to cook when I want to. And you have some of the coolest conversations around a table. And so I just kitchens are a happy place.

Kelly 1:37:51

Beautiful. I agree. It happens here in our house. It happens at my in-laws, it happens at my parents' place. So I love that response. Favorite podcast book or movie or TV show? Oh. If that's if this is like in your in your like minute.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:15

Yes. Okay, so I consider myself a big TV and movie buff, although I haven't watched a ton lately.

Kelly 1:38:22

Are you a big quote girl?

SPEAKER_03 1:38:24

Yes. I do love quotes. I love, and you know, I do love books, but I'm not, maybe it's the undiagnosed ADHD in me. I have a really hard time finishing in a book. So it's gotta be a good one. So listen, guys, if you get to know Nikki, do not send her a book. Do not send me a book. I think the most recent books I finished were by Abby Jiminez from uh she's a Minnesota woman. She owns Nadia cakes in

Caregiving, Motherhood Alignment, And Letting Go

SPEAKER_03 1:38:50

Maplegrove and in Woodbury. Another person to have on the podcast. Yes, she was on uh I'm gonna butcher the name. She was on a TLC show that she won. Cupcake Wars. Oh, really? Yeah, way back in the day. Okay. And she now has a ton of series of books. I love her books. I'm very real, I'm a very romancy girl. I love it. Rom coms. Uh also feel the way that I like it. What's your favorite rom con?

SPEAKER_02 1:39:15

Oh, there's too many.

unknown 1:39:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:19

Have you ever seen Something Borrowed with Kate Hudson and uh Jennifer Goodwin? I think that's her name.

Kelly 1:39:28

Uh plot line. Share a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:31

So they're best friends, and she dar her name dar her name is Darcy. She's going to get married, but her best friend is was best friends with her husband. They went to law school together and she like actually is in love with him. And they end up having an affair. And yeah, it's I might have there's a lot of really good like friendship dynamics, relationship dynamics. Yeah. I just, yeah, that's one that always comes to mind for me. I'm a big, but I love the oldies. Like my best friend's wedding. Yes. And the Father of the Bride series. Yes. My children love Father of the Bride. Make them watch it. Love those. I I brought my best friend's wedding to my daycare to watch it. One time my daycare landing was like, uh, I don't think this is appropriate. So yeah. So girls. I love those, but I also friends is like my go-to. It's my comfort show. It's Friends, New Girl, How I Met Your Mother, like all those sitcoms.

Kelly 1:40:34

My husband and I were just talking about how I met your mother, and he had a little bit of a brain fart because when I was pregnant with Maddie, and it might have been actually like postpartum, um, you know, you're just you're on maternity leave, and you're like, I just need to veg out right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:51

Yeah.

Kelly 1:40:52

And so we we hammered through that series, maybe not all of it, but he like he was like, So yeah, and how you how I met your mother, though there was this time when Barney was like repeating the specific sentence, and um he's like, How did he put it? He's like, have you ever have you ever watched How I Met Your Mother? And I was like, I literally like we were driving and I turned to him in the passenger seat and I was like, Cutie, we've literally watched this together.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:41:26

He goes, Oh, oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. Oh, yeah, those things they're on repeat in our house. I'm also like very much into off-campus right now, which I know is just like I don't know what that one is. It's based on a book series. I have not read the books, I just knew about the show. Uh, it's a smut book. Oh, a smut book, like dirty romance. Oh. But it's I was my I'm making my husband watch it with me right now because I was like, this is one of the most well-done shows that I've seen in a long time. And I actually, if we had teenagers right now, would be asking them to watch it because it has such healthy relationship dynamics and men talking about women and men talking about sex, women talking about sex, like in very empowering ways that cool. I feel like I didn't have growing up.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:18

So I felt like it was like healing pieces inside of me of like, oh my goodness, like this is what it's interesting. I'll have to look that one up. Yeah, I'm gonna say it here, and then your phone's gonna realize we're talking about it, and you're that's all you're gonna see on it.

Kelly 1:42:30

Probably you're right. All right, um, we're moving through it. How about piece of advice you'd give a younger version of yourself?

SPEAKER_03 1:42:41

I mean, just going back to what we just talked about, embrace the present moment more. I think even back to my high school, college days, it was always so forward thinking. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's always good to think about what you want in life, but I do feel like I missed a lot of living in the moment because I was focused on what was next. And a woman that I really admire, her name is Kristen Brust. She has a saying that says, Living now in the good old days. And it's something that I remind myself of now often, because so many times are like, oh, the good old days, all the good old days. And it's like, what if right now? Like one day we are going to say that right now is the good old days. So how about we like live it right now?

Kelly 1:43:38

Micrama. That's the quote. That's the quote um piece of advice you would give a woman listening right now that is living in fear and not living in hope.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:57

That is such a good one. If you are a woman of faith, I would say dive deeper into that and find where that fear is coming from. And if you do not have the tools accessible to you, get quiet with God. Get quiet with God and really

Rapid Fire Favorites And How To Connect

SPEAKER_03 1:44:20

try to find that surrender within yourself, yeah. Even if it feels uncomfy. And it can be the smallest things, right? A lot of us like to grasp control, it could be the smallest things of not letting the schedule go exactly to plan that day. Yeah. Or, you know, giving up something that you had planned and just seeing how it unfolds. I would also say that I am begging every every woman out there to figure out what her version of success is. It is something that we do not sit with ourselves enough and realize where your outside influences are creating that for you and deciphering between if that's really your voice or if it's somebody else's.

Kelly 1:45:10

Nikki, this has been such a pleasure. So good. Thank you for allowing me to be raw and vulnerable as well.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:20

Holding space for my story. It's I have no problem sharing my story now, but I do I am particular about the rooms that I share it in. So I'm I'm really honored to be here.

Kelly 1:45:31

There is a woman listening right now, if not many, that are clapping and are empathizing and sympathizing and and have parallels. And so I know that there were an incredible amount of um gem nuggets that you dropped. And so thank you. I appreciate it. To tie things in a nice neat bow. I would love for you to share how people can get connected to you.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:58

Absolutely. So I'm on Instagram. You can follow me at Nikki N I K I dot D Consini. D-E-C-O-N-C-I-N-I. I always have to spell that out. And also at Female Founders Twin Cities, if you are in Minnesota or local to the Twin Cities, we would absolutely love to meet you. And uh you can also go on our website, female founders twin cities.com, and there's additional ways to get a hold of me there through email.

Kelly 1:46:27

Nikki, I hope you have an incredible day. This was so amazing.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:31

This was so awesome. And and if there are women out there where pieces of my story resonated, I absolutely love getting messages in my inbox. That was my favorite part about having a podcast that I really, really miss. And so I love to connect. I love talking things out with people. So my my inbox is open. I love it. I hope you have a great rest of the day. Thank you.

Kelly 1:46:51

Thanks.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:54

Okay.

Kelly 1:46:55

I'll cut this out here, which is the nice part of uh