Ep. 114 with Brenda Iris | Founder, Mindful Styling

Mindful Style, Real Confidence

A teen pregnancy, an international move, immigration limbo, and a mental health breaking point are not the kind of milestones people put on a business plan, but they shaped Brenda Iris into the image consultant she is today. We talk through the real story behind Mindful Styling: what it takes to rebuild your sense of self when shame, scarcity, and survival have been running the show for years.

Brenda shares what it was like to grow up between Mexico and the United States, learn English, and later face an immigration process that required her to leave the country for far longer than promised. We also unpack how “trust the process” becomes more than a slogan when your family is separated, paperwork gets lost, and your future feels out of your hands. Her perspective brings needed clarity to the human side of immigration, identity, and resilience.

From there, the conversation turns to mental health, faith, and the turning point she calls her dark night of the soul. We get into therapy, prayer and meditation, and the moment she started asking a new question: who am I besides being a mom? That question becomes the spark for her personal styling work with high-achieving women, business owners, and leaders who look successful on paper but still feel stuck when they get dressed.

If you’ve ever dressed to hide, tried to keep up with the Joneses, or felt imposter syndrome creep in, Brenda offers practical, grounding tools: dress for the woman you’re becoming, stop defaulting to “comfort” that drains your confidence, and use clothing as a strategy to amplify your presence. Listen, share this with a friend who needs a reset, and subscribe and leave a review so more women can find these stories.

Resources:

• Wishes Fulfilled: Mastering the Art of Manifesting by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
• Everything is Figureoutable by Maria Forleo

Connect with Brenda:

• IG: @mindfulstyling
• Website: Mindful Styling
• Email: brenda@mindful-styling.com

Contact the Host, Kelly Kirk:

• Email: info.ryh7@gmail.com

Get Connected/Follow:

• The Hue Drop Newsletter: Subscribe Here
• IG: @ryh_pod & @thekelly.tanke.kirk
• Facebook: Reclaiming Your Hue Facebook Page
• CAKES Affiliate Link: KELLYKIRK

Credits:

• Editor: Joseph Kirk
• Music: Kristofer Tanke 

Thanks for listening & cheers to Reclaiming Your Hue! 

Transcript

Welcome And How We Met

Kelly 0:01

Good morning, Brenda. Good morning. How are you? I'm good. Good. Yes. I'm so happy to have you here. And how fortunate are we that in less than just a few days, less than a week, two times we got to see each other.

SPEAKER_03 0:17

I know. So exciting.

unknown 0:19

Lucky.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

See your gorgeous face.

Kelly 0:21

Thank you. Well, I would love to go ahead and dive in. I always like to start off with asking my guests if they wouldn't mind sharing how it is that we got connected. Do you remember?

SPEAKER_03 0:34

Yes, I do remember. Actually, through two people, I believe it was two of my clients, Jasmine and Christy. And I think you reached out on Instagram. Sure did. And then we met and then we connected. I loved our conversation. And here we are.

Kelly 0:56

And here we are now. What was so fun is I really enjoyed. Well, let's start off with Jasmine. Okay. Shout out to Jasmine McCormick, who also has been on the podcast such a gem of a soul. And what I thoroughly loved about um, I what I love about what she's doing is one, there's parallels with Jasmine's story working with her husband in business, and then me working with my husband in business too. And so we had a lot of fun talking about the ins and outs of that when it was her time for her interview on the podcast. But she they're all they also just went through this completely new, like re or I shouldn't say new, but this revamp of their brand. And you had a nice pulse in that too. I did, a nice little installation. So it was so fun seeing behind the scenes of what your craft is. And she sort of was like, oh my gosh, like, why didn't I think of this sooner? I'm gonna connect the two of you. And I was like, sounds good. Um, and then Christy Cassette, who we'll both be able to see this evening because she herself has a networking group that's amazing. Um, when she was on the podcast, I was raving about the blazer that she wore, a pink blazer. Okay, in honor of the podcast. And she was like, Oh my gosh, I just like I have to give a shout out to Brenda Iris. And I was like, really? Like, I was like, okay, I've heard Brenda's name enough times now, it's time to like just do this, like reach out to her. Well, and Jasmine facilitated a lot of that, but I was like, we're going for it. So what was so fun, Brenda, when we sat down for coffee at Bellicor, I was like, this is too this is a fun two-fold conversation. I want to talk about business. I want to talk about what it looks like to utilize your services because my husband and I are in desperate need of just like a little, a little elevation in what we're doing across the board in business. Down to what we wear, what our photos look like. We just want this teeny tiny elevation so that it so that there's a little bit more alignment with the Sotheby's brand, right? And we get to talk about you being on the podcast too. It was so fun. Like I felt like I was in my element. Oh, good. So I got to hear that. Well, can you share with the listeners

Teen Motherhood And Choosing Courage

Kelly 3:37

what came first for you? Was it motherhood or was it entrepreneurship?

SPEAKER_03 3:41

Definitely motherhood.

Kelly 3:43

Tell me more. Let's dive into this.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

So I actually got became a mother right after I graduated high school. I was pregnant through my senior year. Really? Yes, I got pregnant in my senior year. It was definitely unknown. It was scary. Didn't know what to do, didn't know what I was going to do. Um, but you know, now I see that God had a plan and I couldn't imagine my life without my daughter. Yes. And so yeah, it started very young. Um, a single mom with only my parents supporting me through the whole journey.

Kelly 4:24

Brenda I wanted I want to dive into this just a little bit more. And and to to the avail of how comfortable you feel. Yeah, of course. Talking about this. What do you feel in that given moment, like looking back, knowing all that you know now, how do you feel like that was preparing you for the next steps with future children for starting a business? I I feel like there's a a way to tie this in.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

Yes, there is definitely a way it's you never know which is what the bigger picture is. So it's like trusting the process, you know. When I found out I was pregnant, um, I honestly didn't know if I wanted to keep the baby in something that we've talked with my daughter. Um and you know, eventually I decided that I that I did, and it was the best decision, even though it was scary and it was like you know, you had people telling you otherwise. You know, I trusted my gut feeling, I trusted my intuition, I trusted that compass that God gave us. And I was like, I don't know how this is going to work out. Um but it has helped me through motherhood and through my business, just having that trust in not just in myself, but in God, to be honest.

Kelly 5:59

That's really beautiful. Oh, you're you know, you're you're pulling at my heartstrings too, because faith is of utmost importance to me.

SPEAKER_03 6:09

Like, I have no idea. I was 18 at that time already, yeah, and you know, just finished high schooling, or like I have no idea what's in store, but just just the love for that baby in that life, yeah, you know, that I God is sending this baby in this for a reason, and I just have to now.

Kelly 6:32

Were you um were you always here in Minnesota?

SPEAKER_03 6:36

No, I actually I'm originally from Mexico, so I grew up in Mexico. We moved to California when I was um nine, so I came um and I I spoke no English.

Kelly 6:51

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 6:51

So yes.

Kelly 6:52

Um you've come a long way.

SPEAKER_03 6:55

Oh, thank you. I still feel a little self-conscious with some words and you know vocabulary and and things like that, but it's just I would say you're doing just fine, Bradley.

Kelly 7:10

So when did you um make your transition to Minnesota?

SPEAKER_03 7:15

Uh, right after high school, it's funny because I got pregnant and I did not tell my mom for I think five months. Yeah. Because in Mexico, usually there's the um, you know, my culture is that you have to get married a lot of times. And in my mind, I'm like, I kind of already made a mistake of you know, getting pregnant when I'm not supposed to or I'm not ready. Yeah. And so I'm like, my mom's gonna want me to marry the dad, which I knew was not a relationship I wanted, it was not the future I wanted. And so we actually broke um the relationship. Um, he was pretty surprised because he was like, I thought you were gonna get married. I'm like, no, I want something else for my life, and unfortunately, I just don't think it is here. I had somebody else to think about, it was now my baby, um, and I don't think this life in California is what I I don't know what Minnesota holds, I have no idea, but I know that for sure here it's not it.

Kelly 8:22

What was the tie to Minnesota that brought you here?

SPEAKER_03 8:26

So that's a funny story too. I love funny stories. So my mom um and my parents got divorced when I was like 15 and she met somebody else. Um, they got married, and that my stepdad um had a friend that was is from here, and so my parents were looking. My my stepdad and my mom were wanting a better life for us, for my siblings. So he was like, Hey, Minnesota, and they're like, Okay, well, we got nothing to lose, and so we moved here, okay, not knowing about the winters.

Kelly 9:02

I was gonna say, like, I think that it's uh it's such a frankly a rude awakening for people. Uh you're like, you're like, oh yeah, sure, snow, no, it is it's like such a stark difference, you know. You go from having these hot, steamy, and it, I mean, it's it's hotter than cali parts of California, yeah, sometimes. And then you go to like the absolute sub-zero negative.

SPEAKER_03 9:31

Quite extreme. I didn't even know that was possible because originally I'm from Mexico, I'm from uh Acapulco, so it's like the beach, the palm trees, you know, it's it's humid, and so I was used to that, but then like going into sub-zero temperatures. I was like, how is this even possible? Like in one, like in just one area.

Kelly 9:53

I love it. I do love it though. I think it's so funny because um it's I mean, even those who are native to it, we still have this like, we're surprised that it's like so hot, or we're surprised that it's so cold. I'm like, we're here, like we have been here, we're rooted. How do we not know that this I don't know? You know, uh something that I wrote down, Brenda, is um you were speaking to this feeling that was being evoked when you found out you were pregnant. Yeah. And uh the word that's coming to mind is shame, having this shame around it. And then um, you know, it's like, what does the timing look like of sharing this information, having this communication? Where I want to go with this is it, I see you, and I like I feel like you have such a confidence that you carry with you. And so I feel like there is this transition that had happened at some point where you need you knew you needed to let go of this shame, right? And so, what did that look like in that process at that given moment with your first child? Yeah, and moving over this uh speed bump, so to speak, of having communication with your parents about it.

SPEAKER_03 11:24

Yeah, uh, yeah, there was definitely a lot of shame, a lot of, you know, I'm screwing up things for my family. We're starting all over again in this state. And so it was a really difficult pregnancy because my mom struggled with it as well. Um, you know, I it wasn't easy with her, even though she was supportive. Um, but I understand she was doing the best she could do with what she had at the time. She was a young mom too. So I'm assuming, imagining she had dreams for me, she had, you know, things that she she didn't get to have because she had me a year younger than I had my daughter. Okay so there was a lot of you know dreams, their expectations that weren't going to be met. Um, so it was she was mourning as well as I was to like, I wasn't really mourning a lot. It was just like, oh my god, what am I going to do? Like this new life, this baby, like such a responsibility. And so eventually, probably when my daughter came into the world, is when the shame ended, to be honest. My mom, my like, yeah, yeah. The moment she came out and we saw her, we're like, like, this is meant to be.

Kelly 12:41

I think every woman who is listening right now who has birthed their own child, whether it's been the traditional method or it's been VSC section, it's like you know that, you know that moment, whether it was so excruciatingly painful or not, all of a sudden something just shifts. And you're like, there's just this pure unconditional love and joy that immediately snaps into place. Yeah. And I know every single woman right now listening is like having the flashbacks of their like either their first pregnancy or multiple pregnancies, and like those just these moments of like awe or pure joy or love and a miracle, like absolutely like a miracle.

SPEAKER_03 13:31

She wants at that moment, it's like I want to be a better person. Like, you know, I was uh a teenager, you know, in California, and my parents worked all the time, so I wasn't necessarily, you know, following rules.

Kelly 13:46

And Brenda, we have uh I think most of us, I'm not gonna speak to the whole, you know, crowd here, but I I do feel like there's there's some of us who uh know exactly what you're speaking to, where it was just like this is hot what I like to call it. It was a different season of life. It definitely was.

SPEAKER_03 14:05

It definitely was, and I'm grateful that my kids didn't have that season of life. Like I did. Um, you know, there was in California, there was just so much to get into. We always lived in uh we actually lived in a city that is probably one of the most um in crime. So there was just a lot of gangs, you know. I grew up having to uh throw myself on the floor when I heard dry-by shooting. So uh yeah, pretty rough neighborhoods I grew up in. And it's funny because sometimes I talk to people about it, they're like, you live. I'm like, that's where I come from.

Kelly 14:42

Well, and this is just goes to show no matter who the person is, right? Like, do not judge a book by its cover. And I think that you have a really beautiful story that's that has evolved, right? Where you started in what like the socioeconomic status of that circumstance is otherwise incredibly challenging to break in terms of a you know, a cycle. Yeah, right. Absolutely. And I think the only way that you break the cycle is either I shouldn't say only. There's a couple different ways that I think that you can cut that rug. Mindset is one of them.

SPEAKER_03 15:23

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Mindset.

Kelly 15:25

Relocation is probably another one.

SPEAKER_03 15:27

Yes, relocation and just be willing to go into the unknown.

Kelly 15:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:34

Um, to change things. Sometimes they don't work, but a lot of I feel like, yeah, a lot of times they do. But yeah, the socioeconomics that I grew up in. My my my my grand my grandparents, my parents were um, you know, field workers picking letters, strawberries in the fields of California. So that's how I grew up, you know, not a lot of money, yeah, um, a lot of scarcity, sometimes living in people's living rooms, sometimes almost being homeless. We were a few times, you know, that we only had a roof over our head, thanks to the generosity of people letting us stay there in their living rooms or loaning us a bedroom. Yeah, it's really, but I want to say, yeah, definitely mindset, and that that's what I got like as soon as I had my daughter, is like I have to be something else. I need to try, I need to be a different person for this for this little human being that God has you know me in this lifetime.

Kelly 16:32

Yeah, and you mentioned she's 24. She's 24 now. Okay, and you have how many other children?

SPEAKER_03 16:41

I have three other boys, uh, 22, 16, and currently 13.

Kelly 16:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

Yeah.

Kelly 16:49

So were the other three with your now? Husband. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:55

So I've been married, I think now 23 years. Okay. So right after I moved to California, I had my daughter. Um, I met this. Well, I had already known him. The following. Oh, I love your smile right now. It's so cute. I remember I mentioned my stepdad had a friend, and he asked us, you know, he told us, Hey, you guys should move to California. Yeah. And so one time um he invited him out to the movies. I was like 19. I was like, Hey, a free movie. Like, yeah, I haven't gone out because I don't know anyone. I've just been, you know, with this baby for six, seven months. And so he's like, You want to go to the movies? And I'm like, sure. And that turned into another, another, another, and then 23 years later. Yes, here we are.

Kelly 17:39

So incredible. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 17:41

My grandma says that he is God's gift. He's like, God know, God knows what you went through, so he gifted you your husband.

Kelly 17:49

100%. I can I can attest to that fully. And I think that when you meet that person, and and I feel this with my husband, it's like, yep, you just know. You just know that that is that's the right person to be a cheerleader, to um push you, to uh support you to be the type of person that they need to be for children, yes, as well.

SPEAKER_03 18:21

Yeah, absolutely. And so yeah, we had three more boys um after that.

Kelly 18:29

So you were busy.

SPEAKER_03 18:30

Yes, I was busy.

Kelly 18:32

I was like, you know, you you literally, and there was only just you know, a few years in between those first two boys, and then and then a few more years after your.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

I had my daughter, he actually um adopted my daughter, so my daughter didn't find out that my husband was her dad until she was like eight or ten, okay, I believe. And so we had Diego like right after we got married, um, and then we waited about five years. We went through some immigration process for me, okay, um, which was very, very tough. That's another thing that I feel helped me be where I am and the mindset that I have. It was very difficult.

Kelly 19:12

Let's let's put a pin in that and come back to it. I'll write a note. Okay, so um, I'm just writing this note down. Sorry, listeners, for um for pausing for just a moment. His name is Richard. Richard. Shout out to Richard.

SPEAKER_03 19:29

He likes Rick, but I say Richard.

Kelly 19:32

Okay, well, I'll I'll do a little quote here around Rick, but um shout out to Richard because you know, I all I oftentimes ask my guests, like, what does your village of support look like? And it is very evident, and we'll we'll come back to that too, because I think that there's more to that as well. But it's so lovely. First of all, we do not do video for this podcast, which sometimes I kind of kick myself because I would love for the listeners to be able to get just a little sneak peek of the incredible facial expressions of my guests. We don't need to see my facial expressions. Sometimes I'm like, but it's so the sweetness in your facial expressions and your eyes about him, it's so precious to me. I love it. So he adopts her, yes, and then um I I

Immigration Limbo And Family Separation

Kelly 20:30

think what I'd like to do, like just in terms of a transition, is I want to talk about when you came here to Minnesota. What did job look like for you?

SPEAKER_03 20:43

Unfortunately, due to I'm gonna be very open due to my immigration status at the time. I could not work, so I was solely dependent on my parents. Okay, and now this baby.

Kelly 20:55

Yeah, so yeah, yeah. And then things shifted once you met Richard.

SPEAKER_03 21:01

Yeah, things shifted once I met my husband. He was very supportive. We went through this whole immigration process, had to leave the country um to do that. Um originally it was supposed to be like eight months, it turned into almost two years, which was very difficult for just all of us involved.

Kelly 21:21

Let's let's flash back to this because this is actually a topic that I um I haven't touched on with guests here on the podcast. And if I have listeners, I apologize. Um, my memory is totally escaping me. But do you recollect what that process looked like?

SPEAKER_03 21:41

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Kelly 21:42

You're like it's like ingrained in it. So let's talk through this.

SPEAKER_03 21:45

Yeah.

Kelly 21:46

Because I I think that it's important for the listeners to have an understanding of when we talk, I mean, immigration is a hot topic right now in our country. And I think that. There's a lot of people have different viewpoints or mindsets around what immigration and immigration status and um you all of what that encompasses. Yeah. It's very different. It's vast.

SPEAKER_03 22:14

It is one of the misconceptions that I feel that I um it's not as easy as people think to get married to a citizen. It might be now, but when I was trying to do it, it's not as easy as like you get married, oh you get to stay here. It's like, no, it's still a process, it's still money.

Kelly 22:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

And you know, the the breakup of the family, my kids uh like again, I had to leave the country for almost two years. My kids left with me because my my husband had to work, so he was supporting our household here. Well, he was supporting our household in Mexico. Um Mexico, unfortunately, at that time we still had a lot of scarcities. There was times where you know, water, it's I mean, you you go to the bathroom and you, you know, you open your faucet, you get water. You go to your washer, you get water.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

Over there in Mexico, there's still places and where I lived, it's like the government only turns on the the water lines uh maybe once a week. Um, there was a point while I while I was living there, they were only turning it on maybe once a month. And so yeah, we had to like buy water, and sometimes, yeah, it was very, very difficult. Wow, Brenda. Yeah.

Kelly 23:32

So you had to, what was the reasoning? Was it just because like you didn't have the immigration status here? And they were like, while this is in process, um, and paperwork and all that stuff, sorry, you gotta go back. Yeah, no, I mean like the government's sorry. So that was the process, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:52

Basically, so my mom got immigration status, and unfortunately, uh, when she did hers, um, immigration kind of like messed up ours, so we weren't in it with her when we were supposed to. And the answer was like, Oh, sorry, it was just a mistake, we can't do anything about it. Um, so she was only able to get her her um what we call green card at that time and still do. Yeah. And so my brother, my siblings and I were just left out in the limbo, um, which is one of the reasons why I didn't go to college either. Is like I could I couldn't do anything. Yeah, I I was just like, wow. There's what's my future? I I literally had no in my mind I had no future, it's like no immigration status, no future. Yeah. And so but yeah, it was so then when I met my husband, that's when I got my opportunity to fix my immigration status. So we got a lawyer, yeah. Um, lawyer's like, okay, you have to go across the border to the embassy and do an interview. We're like, okay, we'll leave. You know, she's like, takes eight months. Um, while I was over there, they lost my paperwork, and that's what it turned into two years.

Kelly 25:05

My gosh. So this is a very small example of just the government here and um, you know, just the challenges that they still experience, even in the century that we're living in. I'm like, really? Yeah. Um, we had we were traveling to Toronto, which means it's out of country, you need to have passports. Maddie, my daughter, was gonna be four months old. So I was I was getting all of that stuff in terms of paperwork prepared for her. Well, the boys that you got to meet, Joe's boys um and my bonus boys, they they had like literally missed um, I think, I think like their expiration on their passports had just happened, so we needed to renew those. And we waited until the last minute, but we expedited everything with all of the passports. Okay. So we were like, okay, we should be good. But there was like one missing component with Landon's passport, and it was like because they have a different mom, there was like some of the communication had gone to her, I think. And then then they missed a couple pieces of communication altogether. And we're like, we got we got my passport, we got Joe's passport, we got started getting all of the passports except Landon's. And I was like, what is happening? Yeah, and then all of a sudden it's another day, and we're like inching closer to we've got our flight booked, all of this stuff, and he ended up not being able to go to Toronto because um we weren't gonna be able to get his passport in time, like they got it fixed, but they're like, sorry, we're not gonna be able to get it there in time for you. Yeah, and I'm like, how does that happen? You know, like how does that even happen? But I mean, again, I I only share that because like that's a it's a small example, but it is very much in line with like you you just never know what's gonna happen, and you just have to sort of roll with the punches, yeah, and what were you gonna do? Like there was nothing else that you could do besides okay, uh, we're gonna have to start this all over. Yeah, and that just you know starts the the clock back over as well.

SPEAKER_03 27:34

I mean, I do feel like everything, as hard as things are, every experience makes you grow. Um, I definitely it didn't feel like then, of course, you start asking why God, why God, you know, what's the point of all of this? But now that I see it, I'm like, it made me who I am today. So every experience makes you and you decide again, it goes back to the mindset. You decide how you want to utilize that experience. Do you want it to propel you or do you want it to hold you back?

Kelly 28:02

Ooh, I love this. So at the anniversary event, Brenda, I was talking about um, you know, a few uh patterns that I've recognized. And um ironically, those patterns that I've seen and all all of you guests are things that I've experienced as well. And one of them was like when you are um not in alignment, right? There's something that's misaligned. And as soon as um as soon as you trust God or whatever, whatever speaks to you in terms of your truth, when you trust and you find this alignment, it's like the proverbial bow and arrow. Yeah. All of a sudden, you just you project forward. And I think it's so, so very much in line with what you're speaking to. It's it's fun when it happens too. You're like, I don't know why this is happening right now, but I'm just gonna trust that there is a a bigger thing coming down the pipe for me right now. Absolutely. So you spent two years with how with all of the children? With the two, with the old children. With the two, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:18

It was very trying. Even in relationship was a very, very trying time. Yes. Um, you know, being separated that long. But I feel that the experience of the whole thing really made our relationship even. We had to work, you know, once I came back, of course, we had to do some more a lot of work. Um, but it definitely made our relationship stronger. I love it.

Kelly 29:44

I love it. So when you got back here to the states, what year was that?

SPEAKER_03 29:50

Uh, that was actually 2008. It was gosh, like November, maybe September 2008.

Kelly 29:58

I just want to put something into context for you. 2008 was when I was graduating college. Really? And moving here to the Twin Cities. Oh wow. Ironically. So you're coming back to the States 2008, it's 2026. I know. There's a lot that has clearly happened since then because you had two more kiddos. Where did mindful styling come in to the picture?

SPEAKER_03 30:27

So as soon as I came back, you know, I found a job, I started working full-time. I love working. Um, you know, I like traveling and I like doing things. So of course I'm like, I have to get a job to be able to support this lifestyle. My parents, my grandparents be able to help. Um, and so I was working full-time for about I think six years, and then I had Gabriel, which is my 16-year-old, in 2010. And I still continued working. Then I had Daniel in 2012. At that point, I was like, when he was one and a half, I told my husband, Rick, and I'm like, you know, I I think I wanna, it's he's our last baby. I really wanna enjoy, you know, being home with them, being a stay-at-home mom. Um, I was so I was also very lucky to have daycare in my grandparents and in my parents, and also a friend. So I never really had to leave the boys or the kids with like complete strangers.

Kelly 31:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:24

Um, and he said, Yeah, sure. And so he um he he supported that decision. And then so I quit my job full-time and I stayed home. But me, but me being where I come from from a family of like, I like to say hardworking. My grandma was always working, they were 70, they were still working. Um, I was like, well, I still want to do something for my family, besides, you know, not that staying at home, it's it's plenty. Like, yeah, yes, it is, but I still wanted to bring in some income. So I actually started an Etsy shop of like um party supplies, and that went really, really well.

Kelly 32:06

It took off, it took off better than I thought.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

So I was making these banners. My my Etsy shop was like really, really successful. Um, and so that I was, you know, full of glitter all the time, going to the lake with the boys and like I could see like glittery. They even had glitter all over their clothes. That was that was a fun. Um, and

Dark Night Of The Soul

SPEAKER_03 32:30

then mindful styling. So when Daniel was, I think it happened in 2018. So yeah, 2018. So Daniel was like four, maybe five or four. Um, I did uh something shifted in me. Uh, I started going on under a lot of stress for some reason. And I went on this, um, I call it my dark night of the soul. And so everything from childhood started kind of coming down on me, and I ended up um with uh what do you call it? Like a nervous mental breakdown.

Kelly 33:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:06

Yeah. It was it was really scary time for me. Um, I tell my husband, I tell people that I know honestly, I didn't even know if I was gonna make it um through that. Uh it's very difficult time. Um, I didn't want to be with the kids. I was scared the whole time. I wasn't sleeping. Um, you know, just like the insomnia, the anxiety, the heart palpitations, just all of that. And um was really, really hard. It was really scary too for my mom and my husband to be dealing with that. But thankfully I had the support. And um, I ended up going to the doctor and they put me on antidepressants, I think it was. Yeah. Like the doctor recommended, like two, whatever. I'm not sure. I don't remember the dosage, but she's she's she's like, take two. I've always been a little skeptic about traditional drugs, so I only took half, yeah, just to take the edge off the anxiety and maybe let me sleep. And I was able to do that thankfully. Um, and then I I was just like, who am I besides being a mom and and everything that has transpired through my whole life? The the pain, the abuse, the the hardships, you know, like all of that just dawned on me. And I didn't even know like who I was as a person, as a human being, as you know, who God created me to be. Um, I saw it so far away. And um, you know, after that period of time, you know, came came surrender to God, right? Like help me in the prayer and prayer meditation. I always say prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening to God.

Kelly 34:46

And so I love that. I'm writing that down, and I'm writing that down and sharing it. I love it.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

And so a lot of prayer, a lot of support from my family. Um, and finally I was able to, you know, kind of get out of that situation by the grace of God. I always say, you know, praise him. And um, and I I kind of like started doing meditation and more mindfulness um to help my mental and my emotional health, definitely therapy to go through the trauma things that I've been through. Um, you know, forgiveness of people and all of that. That definitely kind of like lifted the weight off my, I want to say off my soul.

Kelly 35:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:34

And so I started kind of like dress, and I always I've never been up until the time I was never a confident person. So I I it's funny that you mentioned that I seemed confident or that I look, or because I was never confident in in what I did and how I looked and in my skills, nothing, because I always grew up being told the opposite. So that's what you believe. Yeah, and so those are some of the things that I challenged during this whole mental, spiritual. You know, I I do think it was almost like a spiritual fight too. Yeah. Um, and so all of that I was able to kind of sort out, and I started dressing. I used then I started learning about color. Like I started going on Instagram and listening, like color and style and all of this. And I'm like, oh, I'm gonna try this while I'm doing all of these things. And I've always loved clothing ever since I was little. Um, my grandma would buy me the most beautiful dresses, and I always felt so pretty, even if it's funny because people would tell you otherwise, like, oh, you know, I grew up saying, Oh, you're too dark, you're too tall, you're too skinny. Like, at least that's in my culture. Yeah, but my grandma would buy me these dresses, and I would feel so beautiful, so there was like an internal conflict. It's like I feel different, but people are telling me something else, yeah. And so um, I started to shift a lot in the way I viewed things and using the painful moments to propel me to do something. I was like, I can either stay there here and drown and just be a victim of my circumstances and never do anything, or I don't know, or I can take this and make it and show my sh children that no matter what life gives you, it is up to you what you do with it. And so I decided the you know, the second. Like I really want to be an inspiration for my children, you know, that even if their mother didn't get to go to college and didn't follow the you know, the linear traditional, it's like it can still be done because it is your life and God gives us choices, and you know, it's up to us what we do with that.

Kelly 37:53

Brenda, this is such a powerful point in this interview. I love hearing that you wanted to inspire your children, which is so beautiful. Yeah, and I can feel in myself like yes, that this yearning and this understanding and this desire that's very so similar and parallels to what you're speaking to. And I'm certain this is hitting a nerve in a good way, with or I should say maybe pulling heartstrings for other women who are listening right now. So I appreciate that you gave insight into you know, it's interesting. You had everyone has those dark moments, and sometimes it's not like really, really dark, like rock bottom for women, um, but sometimes it is, sometimes it is, and yours is certainly it's it seems to be what felt like a a rock bottom moment.

SPEAKER_03 39:00

Yeah, yeah, I would like to say that it is despite being one of my lowest moments. I mean, I couldn't even be left alone. Like my husband had to drop me off at my mom's so that I could stay with someone. Um, sometimes I think about it, I'm like, you know, like I would actually do it again. It sounds crazy, but that helped me have a different relationship with myself. What came out of it? A relation a different relationship with God, um, and just so much beauty out of that darkness.

Kelly 39:38

What do you feel was let me ask you this when that was happening? Because it it seems from what I've been hearing, faith has been sort of a cornerstone for you. Where what did faith look like or not look like in the dark night of your soul?

SPEAKER_03 40:03

Yeah, I think that faith, even though it was a big part of it, I don't think I was um as connected to God. Like I we were I was living more in the like how would you say it in the um just we get so busy with life that we forget about God and other and you know who we are truly, yeah, you know, who He made us out to be. You get busy like running the errands, feeding the kids, um the next appointment, and just you know, social media and and you know, uh what do you say? Catching um the Jonases or Jonas, yeah, keeping up with the Jonas. Yeah, keeping up, keeping up with what um society tells you you need to, how much you need to have, what you need to look like, what all of that. And you just start playing that game that you just really forget what really, really matters, and um not taking care of yourself. I'm a big, big um how'd it say fan proponent, yes, of you know, women filling up their cup first because that's what happened to me as much as I love my children. You know, I I just kept not filling up my cup, not also resolving traumas or receiving the help I needed to to heal that and and forgiveness and all of that. And so I think all of that just kind of like at a really stressful time in my life, it was the stick that broke the camel's back, is that what they say? Yep, yeah, that's basically what happened. It's just finally it's like my body, my mind, Miss Bruce, like we have had enough, and it and it it it broke, yeah, it broke, and it's funny because my daughter, before that happened, she was 15 or 14. She was like, Mom, you need to make sure you see a therapist, you know, and and just kind of resolved, I'm fine, I'm fine, you know, I'm too busy, I'm fine. And then that happened. It's like, no, we cannot ever be too busy to take care of our mental health or physics or spiritual health, any type of health that we have. I couldn't agree more. It's very important.

Kelly 42:13

Where does faith fall in the trajectory of all of this for you?

SPEAKER_03 42:18

So after that, you know, I really was like, I don't know what to do, God. So I just need to surrender anything and everything to you. And you, you know, just let me be a vessel for whatever you want, you know, for whatever you created. Because obviously, what I'm doing, it's not it. Obviously, what it's doing, it's not it. So let's try it different, let's try it your way, yeah. And and what did well, how did he answer you? You know, I feel like during those times was like listening to him, but listening also to my body and what felt like the right thing to do. And you know, obviously, like you know, what Jesus' teachings were as well. So a lot of that had to do with, you know, like maybe leaving the the worldly things a little bit too much behind because I did find a lot of of my self-worth and things in materialistic things. One of us, I never really had them, so when I started having them, I was like, oh my gosh, it's yeah, but it never really filled me the way it was supposed to, and that's what I noticed. Yeah, um, you know, the only one that fills your cup, I think it is God. Um, and everything of that it's you know, secondary or I don't know, and your family. Yes, you know, once you start honoring that part of you, everything else starts falling into place. And I really think I needed that wake up call in order to be this person that I I get to be you know today.

Kelly 44:02

So remind me, did mindful styling happen before this really pivotal moment?

SPEAKER_03 44:09

Or was it was after it was after so after that I you know the clothing, the everything, it's like I started seeing myself differently, my confidence improved definitely. I started to see myself more as the person that God created me to be when I looked in the mirror. You know, he makes no mistakes, so he made us all beautiful, he made us all in his image. So if he's beautiful, we have to be beautiful as well. And so I started seeing that, and I started thinking, you know, like I'm not the only one that feels like that felt like this when I I looked in the mirror and just wanted to change everything about my body and not seeing a person that is worthy because of size, age, socioeconomics, anything. And so I really wanted to help women see also the creation that God made them out to be and feel it as well. So that's what I wanted to. It felt good. So I was like, I want other women to feel this. Yeah, yeah, and

Building Mindful Styling From Scratch

SPEAKER_03 45:10

and also um, you know, kind of like challenge all of those limited beliefs that we have about ourselves too.

Kelly 45:17

So when did mindful styling officially like when did you form the business?

SPEAKER_03 45:22

Um, yeah, so I was reading a book, it just had come out. It was everything's figure outable by Marie for Leo. I actually went and bought it at uh Barnton Noble's and that day I was reading it and I was sitting like at the coffee shop, I think it's Starbucks inside the store, and I was like, you know, I want to be an image consultant or a personal stylist or style coach, I don't know, something. So I went and opened my Instagram account as mindful styling, and I think that was in 20 was it 2019 or 2021, something like that. And then, you know, I went to it's like okay, so I love fashion, I know that I have the eye, but I want to educate. I've always even if I didn't get to college, I love education. So I went and got certified uh certifications for um you know life coaching and personal styling and the different all of those.

Kelly 46:20

So yeah, that that happened during COVID. So okay, so then it was probably 2021. Yeah, probably. Okay, wow, and it's so it's really it hasn't been that long. It really has been but when you think about oh my gosh, I like I giggle because I think back to 2020 and my life was so different, yeah, so so different, and it wasn't that long ago, but gosh, it feels like it was so long ago. It's like when COVID happened, man, I feel like everybody just it like things slowed down. It did immensely, it did, and it was almost like a complete time warp, it did, it was.

SPEAKER_03 47:04

I thought I was honestly scared because I had just come out out of the whole depression, anxiety, you know, face. I was like, oh my gosh. But again, you know, prayer meditation, I took it as a chance to enjoy my babies and have them home every day and making breakfast for them and going outside and playing. So I did a lot of that to just kind of keep me occupied and more on like what's the positive that we can take from these hard times? Like, how do I make it positive? Yeah, and that's what I did.

Kelly 47:37

I'm just really so happy for you. Thank you. Because you've made some incredible waves in a very short period of time. So I want to talk about this. What do you feel has been foundationally speaking, the the thing that has just like I said, projected you forward the way it has?

SPEAKER_03 48:04

Um being doing things despite of being scared. I love it. I had to be brave a lot of times. I still do, even if things scare me, even if after I go home and cry because I was so nervous or cry before it is like, okay, wipe your tears. You know, feel the feeling and go for it.

Kelly 48:26

What do you feel like had been um like the biggest challenge for you to overcome?

SPEAKER_03 48:33

The biggest challenge to overcome. The feeling of maybe not being worthy or thinking like, again, I don't go to college. Like, I work with a lot of beautiful, highly educated women. And so I was like, why would they want to hear me? Like, why would they want to hire me? Why would they want this from me? I felt so I felt they've never made me feel like that. It was my own self that made me feel inferior. Oh and so that was the biggest thing.

Kelly 49:10

Okay, yeah. This is interesting. This was another thing I touched on at the event, which is all around imposter syndrome. Oh and how I spoke to it was like I I feel that, I still feel that sometimes. Um, being in in the real estate industry and coming alongside my husband, who is just like he just keeps educating himself, keeps educating himself, and he's he's a wealth of knowledge. I swear he has a photogenic memory and like just sees something or reads something, and it's like it stays there. And he can he can literally pull from that moment years down the road, because he's got like this pattern recognition, right? And so I'm like, I'm I'm never gonna be able to like do things the way that he does in the real estate business. Well, it turns out that there are we've spoken about this here on this interview, the God-given skills that each one of us has. And it's our duty to find out what those God-given skills are, it is, right? To try new things, to experience things, to fail, to understand like that one's not gonna work, but I if I'm gonna do it again, I'm gonna do it this way instead. How I spoke to imposter syndrome is really in the vein of who you're surrounding yourself with and the importance of it, and the not only the importance of it, but recognizing when you have certain individuals around you that aren't serving the growth trajectory that you see, you understand that you know within every fiber of your body, and how imposter syndrome can kind of pull on you, like, well, I don't want to, this is a friend of mine that I've had for so long, or this is a family member who is integral in my life. Like, I can't, I can't let them, I couldn't possibly let them go, right? But in order for you to go over this hump of imposter syndrome or or self-worth, which is kind of wrapped into two, right? Right. And by the way, I geeked out about this a little bit. This is this coin term of imposter syndrome started because it was happening in high achieving women.

SPEAKER_03 51:42

I was surprised how much I was thinking, oh, they're like, you know, like, oh, I have imposter syndrome because of this. And then I started working with these, you know, amazing high achieving women running multi-million dollar businesses or executives. And like I was so shocked about how they had imposter syndrome as well. It was like, wow.

Kelly 52:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:02

Like, yeah, how?

Kelly 52:04

All right. So I want to dive into your business because I think that it folds very nicely into what we're speaking to right now, because you you come in and you're having conversations with these women who are clearly feeling a specific way about body image or the style of clothing that they're wearing, or, you know, like the image that they think they need to portray in a specific career that they're in, which like these are all things that I think most women who are listening right now have either experienced if they had been in corporate and now are have made a shift and pivot into building a business of their own and feeling empowered in how they're doing that, right? So mindful styling comes to fruition shortly after COVID. What did building the business look like? Let's start there first and

Networking Bravery And Finding Clients

Kelly 53:00

then let's fold in how you nurture those conversations with your clients.

SPEAKER_03 53:07

Yeah. So how it came to be is a lot of networking. You know, of course I did the Google Ads and things like that, but it was mostly networking. I feel like how you said, you know, your your God-given gift is like your zone of genius. What's your zone of genius? And you know, I feel that maybe that's where you and your husband kind of like balance each other.

Kelly 53:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:29

And I know that's for me and my husband. And so I've always loved people, loved conversations. So um, and so stepping into those rooms, I was like, okay, well, where could I find my ideal clients? Where could I find the women, the women that I want to help? And I was mainly passionate. I love styling everyone, but I do love styling high-achieving women and business owners, leaders because I know how hard they work to be where they're at.

Kelly 53:54

For sure.

SPEAKER_03 53:55

You know, they they give up so many things, it's so much stress, and seeing them not feel confident and the way they dress or just in in their bodies, it's like, no, you deserve, you work so hard to be where you're at that I want you to like feel confident in the badass that you are because you didn't get there just you know, doing the minimal. You worked hard, and so that's why I'm so because they deserve to feel the very best and enjoy what they worked for. Love it, and so I was like, Where do I find these women? So I was a stylist at Nordstrom for a while. Cool, yeah, yeah. And I that's where I met, you know, that's where I kind of became more passionate about these high-achieving women and their struggles. And so I left Nordstrom to go full-time on my business, and yeah, networking, word of mouth, a lot of it to again, you know, being brave, even if something scares. I remember when I went to my first networking meeting, my voice was just shaky and so breaky. And like I was just like, oh my god. And I was just saying my name and what I did, but I was so funny. I did that. Did you okay? Yeah, and I came home and I cried, I cried, and I told my husband, how am I ever gonna make it? How am I ever going to build something successful if I can't even say what I do or who I am without my voice breaking and shaking and sweating?

Kelly 55:20

Yeah, how did he respond?

SPEAKER_03 55:23

Oh, with a lot of compassion, a lot of compassion and reinforcement. Like, it's normal, you will get there, just be patient. And he was right. Don't say that. I hope he doesn't he's just kidding. No, he was right, and it still gets me nervous, but definitely um that's how you know I landed in my first clients. I was like, oh my gosh, this is so exciting. Can't really somebody like somebody wants to work with me.

Kelly 55:52

Yes, so so it sounds like you had some you did have strategy around what it looked like in terms of like because there's so much networking.

SPEAKER_03 56:04

There I'm very yes, um, that's one of the things is like I'm like your husband. I love reading, I love educating, I love seeing what worked for some people, what didn't work for others. And and you know, like just from their experience, instead of like me wasting my time and my everything, like I love to learn from other people so that I can avoid mistakes. And I have coach, I I have had hire coaches too, okay, that in are in my field, um, and they coached me how they did their styling business. She's actually based in in Canada too.

Kelly 56:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 56:42

Um, so I learned a lot from her. I I love learning because I don't have time to figure things out. And that's one of the things I love about styling and helping women that I help, it's like I know that they don't have time to. Yeah. So it's like, how do we make it effortless, easy, you know? Like it's an all-brainer, but you still look good and you still feel amazing.

Kelly 57:05

Yes, I love it. One of the things that I remember you like, how do I put this delicately? When we were walking out of Bella Corps, I think I was like, hey, I'm gonna be going to this event. Are you gonna be there? It feels like it's right up your alley. And you're like, I think how you responded was really beautiful, Brenda. It was like very much with what you're talking about, you discern whether that may or may not be worthy of like the time that you feel

The Family-First Filter For Opportunities

Kelly 57:35

is actually beneficial for the growth of who you are as an individual, but then also for mindful styling as well. So I am curious what your thought process is in having discernment. And I think that this is an important topic to talk about because I, you know, as a as an entrepreneur, when you're first starting, it feels like you need to cast the net as wide as you can, right? Go to every networking event so you can spread the word about yourself. Um, but you have talked a lot about strategy and you've talked a lot about discernment without actually saying the word discernment, right?

SPEAKER_03 58:12

Yeah.

Kelly 58:12

Can we just dive a little bit deeper into this?

SPEAKER_03 58:15

Of course. Um, so yeah, I remember that, and I and you're like, oh, have you been there? I was like, no, I really don't go to those things. Yeah, because it's it's like I I always think like, how is this going to help me uh in my business or just me as a person? Like, is this the people that I really want to? I mean, people are beautiful, and it's just like I prioritize my family time so much that I have to think, is this worth leaving, not spending time with my family tonight or not doing dinner with them tonight? Um, and that's how I get my answer.

Kelly 58:55

That's so good. It's a good filter.

SPEAKER_03 58:58

Yes, it is a good filter for it works for me.

Kelly 59:02

Very good filter. And I I I don't think that you quite understand, Brenda, the power in sharing that, how powerful that is for somebody on the other end listening right now, who may that may have just been the thing that they needed to hear. Because either they're building their business or they're at a point in their business where it they might feel a little stuck. And they think the answer is I gotta get out and I just have to like, I've got a broadcast, I've got a network, I've I need to do this, and it feels like that might be the right opportunity, or that, you know, whoever just told me about this might also be a really great opportunity. Where actually the question is like, does it make sense for if this is carving into family time, does it serve me?

SPEAKER_03 59:52

Exactly. Is it gonna actually having like your values? And for me, it's like God, family, you know, and of course my business, but it's it definitely helps me filter out, you know, just you know, where I go. And then a lot of times I do get invited by clients and I know that they have the best interest in me, like Christy has invited me. I said, Yeah, sure. It turned out I trust them. Also, um Jasmine, going back to her, she has some, oh, you need to go here. And I I know she she knows me, so I trust her. And I so I went and turned out like you know, really beautifully. Like I either met people that you know have can build a really good relationship, maybe and some not everything has to be business, right? Either. Um, I'm well aware of that, and I love it when it's like can be not business, but also just more like personal friendships as well.

Kelly 1:00:44

Do you know what I just want to say in this particular moment? And I know that you weren't actually able to be in attendance for the event, but how honored I am to know that you put the event that I was putting on through your filter and you were planning to be there, but the darn flight from Palm Springs. I got your message and I was like, shoot. But it's like that's also um something that's completely out of your control. Was this the dress that you were gonna wear there?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:16

This was the dress that I was supposed to wear to your life. I love it. Oh gosh.

Kelly 1:01:21

Yes, so beautiful. Well, sorry, listeners, you won't be able to see the beautiful dress that Brenda is wearing unless you are signed up for the Hue Drop newsletter installation that drops every Tuesday when the interviews drop. So we took a picture together. And if you want to see where like what that dress is, can you can you tell the listeners where it's from? Um Millie. Millie, okay. M-I-L-L-Y. Y. I believe. Yes, yes. Well, and I think like we were we were doing this back and forth, like Millie in the Galleria E Dinah or like online.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:56

I'm gonna be honest, I don't know if it's that one unless it's the same brand. Then yes, but I know I shop a lot online.

Kelly 1:02:03

Okay, I'm just gonna write a little note Millie M-I-L-L-Y. Um, yeah, okay,

Culture, Work Ethic, And Identity

Kelly 1:02:10

so I I wrote something down from an earlier part in in our conversation, and the word is culture. Okay. You were born in Acapulco, Mexico. I was, and you now probably have officially been here in the states longer than you had spent time in Mexico.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:32

Like 30 some years.

Kelly 1:02:34

I'm really curious how culture plays a part in how you show up as a mother and then in your business as well, and then on the fashion side as well. I'm curious if there's if there's any like if you pull from the cultural aspect from the colour.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:56

I do, especially during it for color, you know, like the vibrant homes over there, like it's just they're so beautiful. Like when I go to my aunt's house, she has like this pink outside, and then she has a mint on the inside. So it's just very colorful. So I do pull a little bit of that into what I wear. Okay. Um, as far as like business-wise, uh, definitely I, you know, I I I'm not afraid of work. I love work. Like I I've babysat before. I saw it was an ante before. I've done, you know, um, I've also been like a housekeeper, so I've cleaned people's homes, bathrooms. I am not afraid of work. And so when I started this business, I'm like, I'm not afraid. I'll do what I what it takes to get there. You know, again, the mindset. One of the people, people that I really kind of sometimes filter out is um people that maybe not that they don't have the mindset, but I don't really like the mindset of like um what's the what's the word that I'm like victimhood.

Kelly 1:04:02

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:03

You know, like um for me it's like no, no, no, no, that that is and I try not to have it around my life. It's just I don't want that energy. I don't want that, you know. Yeah, just to me, I could, you know, use that, you know, so many things, but I'm like, no, I'm not a victim of my circumstance, I'm not a victim of anyone. You know, even at some point, like I was, I am not. I'm using this experience for me. And so culturally, again, I am not afraid of work, I'm willing to do anything. I have done it. Um, where even when I started mindful styling, I was like, God, I am not even afraid. Or like if somebody wants to build this beautiful image consulting, I'll be a consultant for that person. Like, I don't mind working under someone. I like like I'm willing to do that, I don't care. It's just as long as I get to do what I want to do.

Kelly 1:04:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:57

Um, and then motherhood definitely um I'm a little more on the what's the word again? Um I love my kids, but I'm very stern too.

Kelly 1:05:08

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:08

I'm very like okay.

Kelly 1:05:12

I want to talk about this because I do think that we're living in a world where, especially if you're like my generation, which is millennials, I'm an elder millennial. So I think yeah, I'm an older millennial. So I um what year were you born? Maybe okay, so I was 85. So we're not very far apart by any stretch. Yes, you are an elder millennial. I learned recently that as millennials or maybe the Gen Xers, like how they were raised by, you know, either the boomers or whatever the next generation is after that, um because there was so much fierce sternness in how they were raised. Potentially, um, they are swinging the other direction with how they're parenting their children, and the the there are impacts to how you parent either way you cut the rug, there's just gonna be impacts. There is our family tends to be a little bit more on the stern side with how, like between my husband and I, he's the more stern one between the two of us. I've had to learn a lot from him. Um, but I also know as as the mother and having more of that maternal instinct and all of that stuff. Um uh I've had to learn how to like overcome not just being like, oh, it's okay. You know what I mean? So I do want to talk about this as it pertains to like parenting and and how you have seen the impacts of like perhaps being a little bit more stern with the children and now seeing them as adults and how they are operating in the world. Because I'm just gonna I will share this and I'm gonna swear, and I'll put this as explicit, sorry, listeners, but like our job as parents is to ensure that we are raising children to go out into the world so that they are not assholes.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:24

Yeah.

Kelly 1:07:27

Pure and simple, period, end of story. And I think that I have had to have that as a filter for me. Like, how I am reacting in this situation right now where, you know, perhaps my toddler, who is like, I'm like, okay, I have a choice in how I'm responding to this and lovingly, sternly responding to it versus going, it's okay. You know what I mean? So would you mind speaking to this?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:59

Yeah, yeah. So my I have, again, a 24-year-old and a 22-year-old. So when I was raising them, I was definitely a different mother for them than I am for my other two. Um, but I'd want to say that, yeah, I, you know, in my culture, we're very stern, very like um the parents were I I can't think of the word that I'm that I want to say, but I had a lot of rules for them. Like, not necessarily like bedtime. It's funny because they would go to bed like at 9, 10, like on a school day, and they'll just wake up and early.

Kelly 1:08:31

They're so malleable and resilient, though. Yeah, they are.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:35

And so, but but say, like, um, sometimes my daughter would, oh, I had a sleepover. Well, my friend doesn't have to do the dishes there. I'm like, Well, I'm not their mother, so I don't care. You're going to do the dishes here. And I was very yeah, I was like, and then uh definitely on the dating, it's like you're not dating until you're 17. You don't need you, you don't need that type of things taking up your time. You need to focus on school, you need to focus on your extracurricular activities, yeah, you need to focus on family. Family is really important. You need to go see your grandma, your grandparents.

Kelly 1:09:09

Oh, um, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:10

So I definitely had a lot of rules for them. And I know that my daughter at some point she was like, Oh, yeah, I don't like this, da da da da. And I was like, Well, I don't care. And now that she's 24, I think she was like early 20s, that she's like, Mom, thank you. Thank you for being the way you were, because now I have resilience. Now I know I'm responsible. So my daughter bought her house like at when she was 22, 23, bought her first home. Wow, paid for her own college or figure it out. She graduated with no debt. Um, she joined the military for a few years, they paid for that. UP found a job that was gonna pay. So she was like, Thank you for being like that. Because the thing that I didn't want my kids to grow up is thinking that and one entitled, um, you're not entitled to anything, um, you know, unless you know you you make it for yourself, uh, but the world doesn't owe you anything, and so it's like you know, you you can create your own uh life, your own featuring. It's only up to you, but then also like to take care of themselves, their mental health, their oh, and of course, God loving. I was like God needs to be and everything, yes, yes, and at the epicenter of like everything, and so my son does too, and I'm raising these younger ones as well. Like I haven't done their laundry, like sometimes I hear parents, oh yeah, I'm doing their laundry. I was like, I haven't done their laundry since my youngest was like 10.

Kelly 1:10:45

I thank you for that.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:47

They do their own laundry, he wakes up and makes his own breakfast. He asked me if I'm gonna make breakfast, if I have time. If I do, of course I will. I love cooking for them, but if I don't, he's like, okay, and he makes his own breakfast. Um, he wakes up on his own in the morning, showers, exercises. Wow, yeah, yeah. They're very I I wanted to help my kids be self-sufficient because you know, my I'm not guaranteed another day. No one's guaranteed another day. So I wanted to make sure that if I something ever happened, they can do it.

Kelly 1:11:23

That's a very powerful perspective that you're giving as well, because I I don't think oftentimes we think enough about that. While it might feel a little morbid to think through like, I might not be here tomorrow. And the reason, like, it's important to continue to lift them up in a way where they feel empowered to be able to do the tasks around the house and take care of themselves versus like having to consistently remind them of that, right? Because, right, like mom or dad might not be here tomorrow, and you're gonna be sitting there going, Well, I didn't know about this, or I didn't how was how am I supposed to do this? Or you know, that that it's not like they'd be completely like clueless, they'd know a little bit because there's been modeling around them, and so it might take them a hot second, but at the same time, knowing that this is just a responsibility and life is about responsibilities, yeah. So, you know, tough luck. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:32

No, so I teach them a responsibility a lot, um, you know, to just kind of rely on themselves and not really, it's great if you have a support system, but it's not always going to work out. So make sure that you know you are doing it for yourself. Um, but I'm also a big fan of like not taking life so seriously, um, because sometimes, you know, like especially my daughter, she's very typey personality. I'm like, Kara, it's going to work out. Yeah, it's going to be okay. Yeah. And and just trusting the process and and having fun with it as well, having fun with what you're doing. Not everything has to be so serious.

Kelly 1:13:14

So um, you know, I think there's something about being a firstborn to where like I'm a firstborn and sometimes I like I think it it's just you feel this obligation and and duty to like sort of carve the path forward.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:33

It's very true. That's that's how I definitely feel to this day.

Kelly 1:13:37

Yeah, yeah. And it's it's totally like a sub sub sub subconscious thing, but it certainly rears it its head in sort of odd, peculiar ways, too. So I feel that. Um, I also wrote down, we mentioned this earlier in the interview, um, keeping up with the Joneses.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:59

Yes.

Kelly 1:13:59

So I

Style Vs Keeping Up With Others

Kelly 1:14:00

the reason I I wrote this down is because in the world that we're living in, and in the world of like ever-changing technology and social media and the accessibility that we have now, how how do you approach your business with mindful styling coming into conversations with women, um, where they do like if you're working with high achieving women, there's probably a little uh subconscious thing here where it's like I need to, I need to look a specific way or act a specific way. And it's it's a form of keeping up with the Joneses. Yes, it is. So, how do you diminish that? Sort of bring it down to the foundation of like the essence of who they are and the importance of them staying true to themselves. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:53

Let's talk about this. Yeah, so I hear that a lot. It's you know, like fashion can be definitely superficial, but it can definitely again, it's up to you how to use it. You know, you can use it superficial and get lost in all of that, or you can use it as a tool for, you know, your job, your career, yourself, how others view you, but they only view you as you want them to. You have the power for that. So when it comes to like, oh, I need to look like this because this is how they told me I need to, I need to be, it's like, no, it's like, how do you want to come across in a way that it's the power is yours? If that makes if that makes it, it's not because somebody else tells you, you know, this is how you need to do it. It's like, no, so where I say it's like that doesn't mean that if you feel comfortable in sweats and a t-shirt, that's how you show up. No, unless that really elevates your energy and your confidence and everything, then go for it. But I don't think it will. So it's like, how do we dress you and how do we use clothing in a way that enhances who you are, your skills, your your energy, who you are as a person. I think um Christy mentioned something like that in uh in in your podcast, how she was like at sweats, and she's like, No, this doesn't feel like me. Her her yoga pants. Yes, exactly. Yeah, so it's like it's definitely stepping out of your out of your comfort zone and using it in a way of like, how do you want to feel, how do you want to be viewed, how do you, you know, the the the impact that you want to create, and most likely it's not gonna be like sweatpants or leggings and a t-shirt and a sweatshirt.

Kelly 1:16:38

I agree. I have found I've like worn sweatshirts less and less and less, but I have piles and piles and piles of them. Um, and a lot of it was uh from pregnancy. Oh, yeah you know, so I was like, okay, I like I don't fit into anything right now, yeah. And um I yeah, story for it.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:02

So many changes, you know, as as women, and and you know, and age too, like not just our bodies from like motherhood or to you know um after motherhood or like paramenopause to menopause, and like our bodies changes, but also like from your 20s to your 30s and from your 30s to like mid-30s, and then I'm 40 years old. Like, how do I dress? Yes, yeah, without and some people get stuck, so they just go to the the leggings or just the comfort, comfort the comfort, yeah. Yeah, it's what they see on social media, yeah. It's like it's like no, don't dress how somebody's like you can get inspiration, but it's like how do you make it for you, for your body, for yeah, like one of the things is women is they dress for the person that they were years ago instead of like one instead of dressing for the woman they want to be in 10 years.

Kelly 1:17:57

Yeah, ooh, okay. So I actually had written down a request for um if if a woman is listening right now and they are they're having trouble with this, like they're stuck. Either it's the leggings or it's um I'm not dressing for that woman who's 10 years down the road. And that doesn't necessarily mean style, it just means like aspirationally who you would like to be. Yeah, yeah, you know, at that point. So, what are like either three tips or maybe a resource or two that you would suggest they hone in on?

SPEAKER_03 1:18:39

One of them would be start dress stop dressing for the woman that you were before, start dressing for the woman that you dream to be, whoever that is. Okay, um, it's already you, and so you know what is she, what is she, how does she dress? Even like how she eats, how she exercises, what her day looks like. Yeah, of course, her clothing, like how does she dress this and start doing that now? Another one would be stop dressing to hide. Okay, because a lot of us, it's like, how does this dress can hide this part of my body? How does this dress can like minimize this, or how can I not not be so um bold or you know, kind of like more blend me into the background? It's like, no, we dress to express, we dress to manifest, we dress, we dress to enhance like your best features, what you love about you. And sad thing is like when I ask this question from clients, it's like, what do you love about yourself? They struggle, they struggle to come up with three things that they love about themselves. And so, yes, stop dressing to high, okay, and start dressing to enhance. Okay, it's a very different energy, yeah, it's a very different energy energy that you give out when you dress from that place. Also, it's how do I want to feel? Yeah, how is this making me feel like the best version of myself? Yeah, not for others, but more for you.

Kelly 1:20:04

Yeah, interesting enough, right? Like in that that can go to like that can even go to all right, I've got this dress and I don't want, I I like it, I love it. It's you know, it's been a staple in my wardrobe, but my body has changed. And when I put this on, it's not necessarily hiding things, but it's like to tap into the feeling that you have with that piece on. If you're not feeling good, then don't wear it. No, no, I can't count the number of times that I have changed an outfit because I'm like, I don't, I don't feel good in this right now. It's like something about the color of it is just not now I've I've had my colors done, so I know which colors are good for me and which aren't, and which are gonna amplify and which aren't. So I I am very cautious about what I'm putting on my body, but as you should. There's there's countless times, and not so much as of recent, because I feel I've I've gotten into a nice flow of like pieces in my wardrobe where I'm like, I don't even care that I'm repeating this, like I'm gonna wear it again. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:21

One of the things I love about working with some of my clients, I yeah, I do help them shop a little more because they were like literally not buying anything and just stuck with these, you know, things that which is fine, but they were not feeling the best version of themselves with whatever they had. So I had to help them, but there's others that I have helped shop less and be more mindful about what they're purchasing, yeah. Because money is energy, it's like you spend, you know, you make your money, you work, you you're giving out your most precious things that you have is time. Yeah, you know, was this and so shopping, shopping, shopping to me is it's it like no.

Kelly 1:22:01

Yeah, what does your routine look like uh when it comes to shopping? Like the frequency of it for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:09

Uh frequency, I do shop. I I go like in stages. Sometimes I don't shop at all, and sometimes I'm like when I feel inspired and I was like, oh, this is a cute dress. Yeah, um, how am I going to wear it? Where can I wear it to? How is it going to feel? Um, you know, the impression that it will maybe cost or something. Because, you know, a lot of things, I'm gonna be honest, like when I go to networking meetings, I like to look at because it attracts people, not just me as an image consultant. It's yeah, um, it's also as like if I were running any business or realtors, like, oh, who's that nice dressed person? Like, what does she do? 100%. Yeah, it's like you attract people with that, and so they want to know who you are, and sometimes even like work with you just because of like your your your energy, your your vibe, they say.

Kelly 1:23:00

So I um we had a Sotheby's themed training on Tuesday. We had two um individuals from the Sotheby's brand, a regional and VP, that came in to just talk and instill the like essence of the Sotheby's brand into us as agents here in this market. And I was wearing, um, you saw me at the baby shower. I was wearing like a Kelly Green uh dress. I have another Kelly Green dress that's more like a shift. It's um got a like a V-neck shift um pretty number. Yeah. And I wore that, and I every time I wear it, I just feel like it's a great color for me. So I'm like, yes. And there was um the the woman who was like the regional gal after the fact was like came up to me and she's like, What's your name? And I was like, not not necessarily thinking like, oh, she wants to like just know me as a person, and she's just being friendly. Like, I think it's because of the energy that I was evoking, wearing the number that I was wearing, that she was like, Who is this person? I must know who they are. And I was like, Oh my gosh, that was really cool. She was like, she spotted me and like beeline to me and was like, Who are you? What's your name? I was like, I'm Kelly Kirk. My husband and I work together, you know, we're at the Edina office.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:34

And so it was just really fun.

Kelly 1:24:37

It was really, it was really fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:38

So you can attract so many things. That's one of the things is like if you're building a business or you run a business and you're attending networking events. I mean, gosh, like, and if you're not, you know, dressing to if you're just like blending in, you're just blending in your business. Yeah. You know, like you need to stand out. And I know that a lot of us like I had this, you know, this problem when I first started, but I'm like, if I want to grow my business, I need to stand out. Yeah, 100%.

Self-Care, Support Systems, And Values

SPEAKER_03 1:25:10

I need to stand out, and now have no problem doing that.

Kelly 1:25:13

Yeah, yeah. Well, Brenda, I think it's time for us to start landing the plane, as I like to say. So I have just a few more questions for you. I am curious what uh self-care has looked like for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:28

Yes, self-care definitely away from the phone, social media, putting that away. Um, prayer and surrounding myself with my family, especially my kids, my husband, and they just fill my cup so much. So self-care definitely looks like that. A lot of family time and a quiet time.

Kelly 1:25:49

I love it. I love it. What is when you hear the words village of support, what does that mean for you?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:00

Village of support, what that means is having the right people with the right mindset around you.

Kelly 1:26:10

Okay. What does that look like for you?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:13

Like who?

Kelly 1:26:15

Uh you don't have to name specific individuals, but just how you have um, like how your mindset has shifted as your as your business has evolved in terms of who you're surrounding yourself with.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:26

So what does that look like? Um, definitely my husband. Okay. So he's a big if I am here where I am, is thanks to him. A lot, a lot of it to him. So um I don't have a lot of people, I just have the right people.

Kelly 1:26:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:43

I love that.

Kelly 1:26:44

I love that. I'm very thankful that Jasmine has introduced. Oh, and Jasmine has been one of those. Um, it was so fun seeing you at the baby shower as well, and speaking to what you were just talking about with like how you show up and what you wear, like that. I don't know if it was a two-piece dress, it was a cream-colored, like kind of two-piece. I'm like, that's so cool. Like, I love that little bit that she's wearing right now, and it's so it it intrigues you. It's like, okay, one, who is this individual? Two, where did she get this? Three, how can I get my hands on something similar to that? Um, if it if it fits, the if it fits and is flattering enough for the style of my body. Yeah, right. So um I think that you are doing some really powerful, incredible things. I'm grateful that our worlds have collided in a very beautiful way. Two more, maybe three more questions. They should go pretty quickly. Um, piece of advice that you would give a younger version of yourself, knowing all that you know now.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:57

I thought, wow. I would tell her everything is going to work out. Everything will work out for the best. Yeah. And not to be scared. Yeah. Yeah.

Kelly 1:28:12

I love that. Uh, piece of advice you'd give a woman listening right now who maybe doesn't necessarily feel super empowered about starting a business, but they have a business idea.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:28

Go for it. I would say, you know, if they have a business idea and they're scared. Go for it because I think regret is worse.

Kelly 1:28:42

Period. End of story. Mic drop because that was so good. So good. Writes down the and timestamps this because that was that was so amazing, Brenda. Um, as you know, Joe and I are in real estate and working either on the sale side or the buy side, showing homes and touring through um listings. I often find that there is a specific room that's sort of the favorite room of the house. And so I'm curious, at Brenda Iris's house, what is the favorite spot in your home?

SPEAKER_03 1:29:21

Uh, I would say the live-in room.

Kelly 1:29:23

Okay, why?

SPEAKER_03 1:29:25

It's just where everyone gathers. Every, every, like, my kids are always there. Um, so that's where our gathering and our talks, but I don't know, maybe the dinner table too. Okay.

Kelly 1:29:42

It's okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:43

Like that's what I'm torn because you we love our dinner table, you know, the meal, the the food, the and what goes the conversations that happen around dinner table and the prayers.

Kelly 1:29:56

Yeah. I know.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:57

Around the table. So yeah.

Kelly 1:29:59

Both, yeah. Yeah, okay. There's there's no right answer, right? It's like whatever is whatever sticks out to you. Um, favorite

Favorite Resources And How To Connect

Kelly 1:30:10

book or podcast or um TV show, if that's in your wheelhouse.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:16

Uh, favorite book. I love the book, um, Wishes Fulfilled by Wayne Dyer. Okay. Um I I really, really love that. But I do love everything's figure audible. Like I feel like that was the one thing that could help me launch my business. Um, she said something there, don't wait until you're ready. And so maybe, yeah, maybe that book.

Kelly 1:30:43

Yeah, I'm gonna drop these both as resources in the show notes as well. Okay. Speaking of show notes, I always like to make sure that the listeners know how to get connected to you. So, what are ways that they can connect with you if they're listening and they've felt a dose of inspiration or they want to explore your services?

SPEAKER_03 1:31:03

Yeah, they can go to my Instagram, it would be one of the easiest. Is uh my so it's uh mindfulstyling. Okay. And then also my website, so it's mindful dash styling.com. Okay. Anywhere else? Or just shoot me an email at Brenda at mindful dash styling.com.

Kelly 1:31:23

Sounds wonderful. Brenda, this has just been so incredible. I am I I am blown away at your story. And I mean, like I had said earlier, that phrase of don't judge a book by its cover is pretty powerful and pretty impactful as it pertains to your story. So thank you for coming to share wisdom, drop amazing gold nuggets of information for the listeners. And I hope you have an incredible day. And the last little bit that I'll leave you with is welcome to the flamboyance.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:58

Oh, thank you. You're welcome. Thank you, thank you so much. Thanks for having me here. It's you know lovely to connect and be here with you.

Kelly 1:32:08

I feel very I feel very much in line with you on that. So I hope you have a great rest of the day. You too. Thank you. We will okay.

unknown 1:32:20

I'll have to cut some of this out, but I'm