EPISODE 007 | Pat Sanagan on Choosing Visibility: Aging, Advocacy, and Authenticity

In this rich and resonant episode, Lee Currie sits down with Pat Sanagan — nurse, mother, grandmother, and lifelong advocate — for a candid conversation about the evolving nature of visibility, introversion, parenting, and power as we age. From navigating family dynamics to letting go of the need to please, Pat shares what it means to lead with compassion, tell the truth with grace, and raise a family (and a life) grounded in presence. This one’s for anyone learning to honour their energy, stand tall in their values, and pass on wisdom without losing themselves in the process.

KEY TOPICS COVERED

• Visibility and introversion as we age
• Feminism and faith: exiting institutions that silence women
• Parenting four kids with presence and purpose
• Advocating without apology
• Grandparenting: wonder and restraint
• Music, memory, and multigenerational connection
• Letting go of people pleasing
• Learning when to stay and when to step back

After you listen to this episode, answer this: What does visibility look like for you now? Is there a part of your life where you’ve chosen to step back—or step forward—on your own terms? 

Share your story with us over on Instagram @crone.rising.official or tag someone who needs to hear Pat’s wisdom.

Crone Rising is for every woman who’s done being quiet and done being small. We’re not here to fade. We’re here to rise — unapologetic, unmuted, and unmissable.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:14

So anyway, on that note, what do you do to maintain your relevance in a world that wants you to be invisible?

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Well, I thought, you know, I certainly thought about it since you asked the question. Um, I don't think I've ever considered myself to be invisible. Um, I'm very tall, so physically I'm hard to miss. Uh, I'm also loud. So uh that way I'm hard to miss. Um, and I've been an extrovert all my life. So those three things in place, I kind of staked my claim. And um, I was had uh two brothers and two sisters, so always around a lot of people, so comfortable around a lot of people. And um I think as uh my family was uh very Catholic, so I was raised with all of that in place. Um and when I finally came to the realization that that particular institution was anti-female, I went away. I moved away quickly. And um uh so I I I don't think I think that was the one time when I felt, oh my god, I am invisible to these people. They they have no interest in hearing what I have to say. Um my profession was very female-oriented. I'm I'm a nurse. Um, so uh, and I'm a I'm a nurse in um in an addictions field, which because it was a newer field when it kind of came about, it it um accepted women and nurses as part of a team. Uh there was a recognition that a team was needed to address mental health issues and addictions. Um, so I think I've been lucky in in one way to be in places where women are respected, and um of course we you can do what you want. Like that's just there's no question about that. Um, and then the one place that that wasn't, I just thought, well, that's crap and moved away. So, you know, um, and I think as I get older, I'm moving along that balance line to a more introverted position. Um, I'm not as comfortable anymore in giving up all that energy to a large group of people. Um, I was telling a friend the other day we were going to a reunion, and I said, it was for three hours. I said, Look, I'm gonna be able to do two tops. And she said, Why? And I said, uh, that's you know, after that, I she said, You just get tired. I said, Yeah, I just my mother used to say, I want to go home and shut up now. And that was that was pretty much what I wanted to do. And that's so I accepting that about myself, that I'm okay to withdraw from the situation on my terms. And you know, if anybody has a problem with that, well, it's not my problem. So I think that in the sense that both by um my physical presence, my attributes, including um my ability uh to uh think my way through most situations. I think I'm pretty clever, so I can you know pretty well manipulate the situation the way I want it to go. And uh, and that I've been lucky enough to be in situations where women are respected.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

So like and essentially I what I hear you saying is that you've chosen a certain level of invisibility the older that you've become. It wasn't something imposed upon you, it was something that you chose to you know to engage in.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Yes, and it's I it's something that if I see that I uh need to get back in the fray, um go up against the barricades, as it were, I can do that and I'll do that, but I tire more easily doing it than I used to. It used to just energize me to be around a bunch of people and we were you know figuring out the world. No, it's too tiring now.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

It's very funny. We're coming at things from two totally different directions because I'm a natural introvert. Oh, and as uh we're about the same height, yeah, and I was never small, I was never quiet, I was but I was forced to be. It it was so it's only recently that I've kind of owned my size, and I don't I don't need to be quiet for their convenience. I just you know, I have opinions, shocker, and um I'm not afraid. Uh so now I like I'm the people pleasing is over. Yeah and I'm now at the point where I don't need anybody to tell me what to do, and I don't need to um, you know, my time is my time, and how I spend it is how I spend it, and I choose to spend it with people I who like literally bring out the best in me. Everybody is kind, yeah, and the ones who are nice and not kind, I have no time for because I like I've said a couple times on these these recordings, I have no time for the bullshit bow. Yeah, I really want authentic you know relationships, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

Again, I think having a number of children takes you along a path that to some extent makes you well, for me, puts me out there because um I wasn't gonna sit back and let somebody run over my kid or you know, or have a situation at school that wasn't appropriate for my kid. And so those were situations, and when you've got four of them, it happens a lot.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Well, it was funny because so I advocated very strongly for each of my children whenever it was necessary for me to step in. Yeah, but at the same time, I found a way to hide from the parents. So I had a I always had a really big ass camera in front of me. Yeah. And I nominated myself for every activity I would be the photographer.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

Now you're you're you're a single mom. I was not. I've been very lucky in the partner that I've got. Um and uh I think that certainly uh was um uh you know a way forward for me to do whatever I wanted because he was always there to pick up the slack. So that was that's awesome. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

I love it when I hear when I hear like really happy like relationship stories. Because, you know, I mean, mine wasn't my second one, it was lovely, but yeah, it lasted 299 days. So it was kind of like, you know, unfortunate, but I am eternally grateful because everything he brought was joy. Yeah. So, you know, and my kids will probably tell you if you ask them. I never said anything negative about their father because he he he showed himself for who he was, yeah. So I didn't have to pile on. So you say you have two introverts and two extroverts.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

I do, and um, and it's interesting because as they um as they get older, they're doing that whole thing that we do as we get older, they're starting to balance, right? Yep. Um, and so my oldest uh extrovert is starting to move towards introversion, and uh the youngest introvert will never change. I mean, he is just out there in your face all the time, party. It's it's just constantly, and he was he's the youngest, so he he learned, I guess, how to do that, and he just he just loves it. And then the total introvert is he'll sit with a bunch of us. He said, I hate it that I revert back to my old self when we're all together because you say I have to say to him, Peter, what are you thinking over there? You're not saying anything, you know. I said to them, we were all together at Christmas, and of course, with their seven grandkids as well. You have yet to go there, right? I have not, I have not gone there. What's the next thing, right? And uh, we were all together at Blue Mountain, and I it was about 8 30 or 9, and they said, Mom, aren't you going to lie? I said, You're the only people in the world that I would stay up this late for. That's 8 30 or 9. But you know, that's that's it, you know, that's my that's my happy place when I'm around my kids.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

Oh, absolutely. No, uh like, okay, I'm waiting for one more to get his prefrontal cortex. Yeah. And then I'm literally officially done. They know they're welcome home. They all have keys to the house. Yeah, they all have, you know, that more than I had. So it's like, okay, this is how I would have liked to have had things done. So I do it for mine. Yeah. And it's all really good and respectful. And you know, they're just they're turning into a lovely adults. And every once in a while, I kind of like, I don't know how that happened. I know full while I was there for all of it, but I know. But it's like, wow, you know.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

Yeah, I I mean they're quite literally the people I I would hang out with most in the world, and I and I think there are some parents that don't do that or don't want to, and it's because they didn't do it right the first time. Right? Oh, I know, I know, and their kids don't want to be with them either. But we did have, we had a sibs weekend about a month ago. Fine. And that, yeah, it was really good because we had a concentrated amount of time with each other. And my my eldest brother lost his wife last year, too. So we'd all of a sudden have these two deaths in the family that for a long time there'd been 10 people, you know, couples, five couples, everybody was great. Um, but it was it was a really as much as you know, yeah, there's the foibles and the personalities and the things where you go, oh, for God's sakes, you're still saying that? Um we had a great time. That's great. And one of the things that always brought us together was music. Um my brother, my mom played piano, my brother played piano. Um, my sister and brother sang harmony, my other it's like it's just been a part of us. And uh, we used to do that thing at parties that you see on in movies, and we did stand around the piano and sing.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Oh, I believe it. That was very much my mother's side of the family. Okay, very much there. Yeah. Um, mind you, it was all hymns. Oh god, there was there was no secular music allowed. I remember the first time I ever heard music that was not either from a musical or a church was um my mother ran into a convenience store, and my father quickly pushed the button on the radio, and it was Neil Diamond Song Sung Blue. Oh my god, that's the first time. First time, and I was like, What is this? We were coming home from the ice capades, we lived in Cleveland at the time, and I just remember him going, Don't tell your mother. Oh wow, okay, so and then saw her through the doors, flipped it back to whatever. Yeah, but yeah, but there was a lot of singing, and my mother played violin, my she also played piano, my grandmother played piano. Nice, you know, and um my kids are all super light talented, they can all sing, they can all, you know, that kind of stuff. It's kind of fun to watch them. Absolutely, yeah. They come here and I'm like, yeah, I'm a little woo-ey, so I have singing bowls and you know that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

I play those for them. Uh no, it's it's great. And it's it's again, like I was lucky enough to have the time with them because who knows? I mean, my I have a brother-in-law who's a 100 in November. Oh my. And uh yeah, and that's the sister that I'm very close to. And um uh I have my other brother's 86, my, you know, and Nancy's my sister's 82. So we're there, we're in that group. Yeah, yeah. Well, all of this gets doubled when you had the grandkids, because now you get to get you all that shit again, and it's it's absolutely wonderful and terrifying at the same time. You know, it's it's just it's so hard to keep your mouth shut, and you have to keep your mouth shut because they're not your kids. Yeah. Um, and for the most part, my kids are doing great things with their kids. Like I there's not nothing really I need to keep my mouth shut about, except, you know, occasionally I'll say, and and they're they're pretty good. They can pick it up on me. My my one daughter says to me, not helpful, mom.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

Well, I cannot, knowing you how I know you, I can't imagine you being terribly subtle.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

No, it's a little like hey, I just go to bed now. I just get away. Yeah, but but no, but it's it is, and then you see the hard things that happen with teens, and the hard things that is part of growing up, and they're learning and they're growing and they're screwing up, and you think, oh dear god, that's so hard to hear. Um, and they've all come out of it so far. I mean, we've got one into the 20s, okay, one at nine. So, you know, they're they're moving their way through, but you just know, and it's so hard to watch their parents watch it and think, because you know, there's nothing anybody could have done, maybe to change it. It's it's living life and learning from life and hopefully surviving. Um, but it's uh yeah, it's wonderful and horrible at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Life lessons from Pat Sanikin. That's right. I mean, the whole philosophy is it's time has come and I don't have to push it at all. If this works, this works. And I really don't I appreciate everybody's time. But yeah, if this takes off and is a wonderful thing and is a wonderful tool for people and it gives people some comfort or some kind of insight or anything, sure. But it doesn't have to be a hundred million people, it could be four people in Port Elgin. I don't care. Yeah, that's uh I'm doing it more like okay, it keeps giving me something to do, and I'm able to connect with a whole bunch of people that I wouldn't normally be able to have this kind of conversation with. Sure. No, I think it's a lovely idea, really do. Yeah, yeah. I think this is gonna be good. Yeah, so I appreciate your time. Thank you. Nice to talk to you. Yeah, and I am sure I will see you around.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

I hope so. Bye bye.