The Invested Fathers
The Invested Fathers
IF 93 - He Shut Down His Gym Business to Save His Kids from Losing Their Dad with Vaughn Bethell
Vaughn Bethell discusses his 15-year career in the fitness industry, during which he built a successful business from 23 to over 350 clients before stepping away from it all in 2016. Overwhelmed by the physical, mental, and emotional toll, Vaughn transitioned to real estate and committed to putting his family first. He shares insights on personal development, the importance of self-care, and the value of intentional fatherhood. Vaughn emphasizes how he’s implemented lessons learned from his fitness business to prioritize family and financial stability through a new business model. The episode touches on the critical role of coaches in personal and professional growth and the impact of redefining success and scaling in business. Vaughn also highlights the importance of expressing love and pride as a father to ensure a strong, supportive family dynamic.
Vaughn Bethell - LinkedIn
00:00 From Fitness to Burnout: My Journey Begins
01:20 The Breaking Point: Walking Away from Success
02:50 Transition to Real Estate: A New Beginning
03:41 Family First: Redefining Success
05:14 The Importance of Self-Care and Coaching
09:12 Identity Crisis: Rediscovering Myself
12:15 Faith and Family: The Core of My Being
16:32 The Role of Coaches in Personal and Professional Growth
22:08 Redefining Scale for Efficiency
22:28 Scaling Down for Happiness
22:46 The Pressure of Managing People
23:10 Coaching and Mentorship
23:21 Intentional Fatherhood
24:40 Involved vs. Intentional Father
25:48 Intentional Activities with Kids
28:12 Dating Your Wife
31:28 The Emotional Rewards of Fatherhood
39:44 Promoting the Flip Life Podcast
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I was in the fitness industry for 15 years.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker 2:Um, but when I opened up the, uh, the doors in my own facility, um. I had 23 clients when I opened the doors to my own facility. That's a good number. Um, but in 2016, 11 years later, I decided to walk away from it all and I built it from 23 clients to over 350 clients and a staff of 14. When I walked away, but it almost drove me in the ground.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker 2:It almost killed me.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker 2:Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. My kids were five and eight at the time. Yes. So closer to the age of your kids. Yes, and I realized that I was, I had no, I was spending no time with my kids or my wife. Right. Um.'cause I was working, I was in the gym every morning from 4:45 AM until about 8 30, 9 o'clock at night. Yes. Monday through Friday, Saturdays I was doing half days, which, you know, six in the morning till three. And then still by the time I got home on Saturday afternoon.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 2:And Sundays, I was so exhausted that I was just like, I feel I just wanted to veg out. Right.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, um, mentally wasn't there.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker 2:For my family. Yeah. Um. And so it just, uh, got close to causing me in my marriage. Yeah. Right. Um, and I just wasn't given, wasn't able to give to my family what they needed. Right. So something had to change. Yeah. Right. Um, so I literally got to the point where like I couldn't take anymore and I gave my staff and, uh, my clients 30 days. I said that's about all I got left in me.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:I helped, uh, my team find other jobs. If they wanted other jobs. I actually, mm-hmm. Gave clients to my team members. Mm-hmm. Um, so made sure my clients had that option to go train somewhere else. Mm-hmm. Uh, fortunately enough, I was at the point where I built that, that membership model, right? Mm-hmm. So I only had five clients at the time that were on a pay in full. And all of their, uh, paid in full memberships were coming up for renewal at the end of that month.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker 7:So you
Speaker 2:Like,
Speaker 3:if any, anytime.
Speaker 2:It was a good time. Yeah. It was where it was like, God land lined it up perfectly where I could literally walk away. Okay. Um, and a lot of people ask me, why didn't I sell it? Why didn't I do this? Da da da dah. And that's like, to go through a sales process of a, a business that size would take nine months to a year. And then to find the right buyer. Right. And then another thing was, it was, it was my identity at the time. Yeah. I had built that from the ground up, so that company had, the name was attached to me. Yes. And I still to this day, get people come to me and say, Hey, how's, you know, how's Q? How's the gym going? I'm like, I'm not doing that anymore. Okay. But the fact that being able to sell that to somebody, or even give it to my team and then. You know, if they were to run into ground or mm-hmm. Something bad would've happened, it'll still be associated with my name.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:So I just couldn't do that. You, so,
Speaker 7:So,
Speaker 2:um, but yeah, that was a decision that, you know, I had to get away from that and then within two years is where I found real estate.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker 2:So, uh, I think is one of the best decisions I ever made. Yes. Um, but getting into the real estate game, uh, there's a couple things that I learned from, uh, the fitness business. Mm-hmm. Um, and just business in general that I knew I wanted to start this company, a company I currently own, uh, a lot differently. Mm-hmm. Right. And the biggest thing on that was put my family first.
Speaker 5:Mm.
Speaker 2:Right? Yes. And so myself first, and then my family, because believe it or not, people are like, oh, you own the gym. You should be in. Top shape. Right. I was in the worst shape I've ever been in. Right. I in the gym because the stress and I always took care of everybody else first. Right, right, right. And left myself last. And then last thing I wanted to do at the end of the day was spend another hour in the gym working out. Right, right, right, right. Um, so, uh, I started this company. I was like, family comes first and I won't let business get in, play in the, in the way of family. Mm-hmm. And, uh, the biggest thing on that is like, I'm not willing to do anything after hours. Mm-hmm. Um, so mm-hmm. Yeah. A lot of times people are like, I don't ever see you at the meetups. I'm like,'cause most of'em are at in the evening. Yes. That's family time. Yes. Or on the weekend. I don't do things on the weekend. Um, so that's designated for my family. So, um, putting those things first and then financially making sure that my family's taken care of first. Mm-hmm. Right. Mm-hmm. So implementing the Profit first model
Speaker 5:mm-hmm. In
Speaker 2:business. Okay. Um, so always making sure that. We're profitable making that profit, the money is coming to me first. Mm-hmm. Or me as in my family. Mm-hmm. And it's my per personal bank account. Mm-hmm. Um, to take care of my family because if things are good at home, things would be good at work, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, but those are two things that I really wanted to implement. In this company to make sure that family came first. Yes. And my kids are at five and eight at the time, like I mentioned. Yeah. That's prime developmental time. Yes. That I needed to be involved and I wasn't. Mm-hmm. So, um, now, you know, those kids are 16 and 13 now. Yes. But I spend more time with them and I've spent more time with them over the last six, seven years. Mm-hmm. Uh, than I ever did in the first five to eight years of their life. So that's been a significant change.
Speaker:Yvonne, you've got me salivating here and I'm open sponge to everything you're, you're, you're going towards. So, um, thank you for sharing that, that beginning. I got a lot to unpack in just what you said. Um. If you don't mind, let me start with sort of earlier Vaughn, um, maybe even the household, but I just feel like, you know, you mentioned taking care of everyone else first. Yep. I feel like I'm that way as well. There's a sense of like, is everyone comfortable? Is everyone, you know? Okay. It's men in general. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're just, you're, you're looking around and, um, I think that's a great quality. That's a strong quality can also be a detriment sometimes if Absolutely. You, you're putting yourself like, at, like you said, like you weren't working out, but you were making everyone else taken care of.
Speaker 4:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:So maybe gimme some, you know, is that just how you've always been, was that model to
Speaker 2:you? So looking at personality tests and, and behavioral tests and things such as that. Uh, I love people. And one of the things that we use in our company is the culture index. Okay. And you might've heard like predictive index and things such as that, as different, uh, you know, like character tests that people can do. Mm-hmm. And in the culture index, I'm a what's called a four people person. Right. Okay. So everything you, for me is, is built towards people. I like to win with people. I'm not like gonna run everybody over to get my stuff, you know? I wanna win with people, right? Mm-hmm. I wanna bring people with me. I'm a social person. I like to be around people. Um, yeah, I'm very patient,
Speaker 5:um,
Speaker 2:which you have to be a people person to, to be patient. Um, and my detail is extremely low, which is crazy because, uh, you know, I like, because I like to focus on people. No, I'm the, I'm the same way, right? So I'm, I'm, uh, I'm driven by people. Because of that, you know, I'm just wired to try to take care of everybody else and make sure everybody else is taken care of before myself.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Um, but one of the things I've learned over the last, especially the last 10 years is that, and my coach told me this, it is probably 15 years ago, and it's really over the last five years has really become strong to where it, it just stays in my mind. He goes, when, when you get better, everything gets better. And what I mean by that is you need to take care of yourself first. And when people say that, they're like, think you're gonna be selfish, but it's not being selfish. Right?'cause think about the analogy of the plane. When the oxygen mask drop, what do they tell you to do? Put Put it on first. Put your mask on first. First? Yeah. Why do they tell you to do that? Because if you pass out who's gonna take care of the people that are relying on you. Right. Exactly. So the same thing comes as to us as fathers and as men. if we're married and we have kids, like we have to be at, prime. And peak performance as much as we possibly can.'cause when we're at peak performance and high energy levels and we're thinking clearly, then we can give back to our family. The most. But in order to do that, we gotta take care of ourselves. Right? And take care of ourselves physically. You know, working out, staying healthy, having energy, getting good amounts of sleep, things such as that, right? but also spiritually, emotionally, you know, when we're taking care of ourselves that way as well. I. We can then pour into our family, pour into our kids, and help them develop mm-hmm. With your kids, you know, the age that they are now, say three and eight
Speaker 5:mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Or prime developmental ages. Mm-hmm. Right. So you being available and being able to pour into them spiritually, mentally, emotionally, but also physically through your energy levels and being there for'em is gonna help them throughout that developmental process.
Speaker:Okay. I, I feel like what I am most. Personally most interesting in the, the time, the values you've instilled in the kid, like you're talking about, um, the developmental stage, you said did a couple times now.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker:So I'm like, I'm in that time, like I'm,
Speaker 3:yeah.
Speaker:I don't wanna mess up, you know, like I wanna learn things. Right. Um, and you mentioned a coach as well. Mm-hmm. Um, what are some things, I don't wanna say like the number one thing, but what are some maybe a, a a few things that you've learned since, you know, this, the, the turning point of your life.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker:The, the breaking point. Yep. Um, where the, you shut down the gym.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker:To now, you know, it's almost like a new Vaughn has been maybe reborn here. Yeah,
Speaker 2:exactly.
Speaker:Um, what are some things that were maybe just aha moments or things specifically and just being the dad? You, you've already mentioned the health, but just like being the dad that you've really strive to be for.
Speaker 2:Well, I think the biggest thing that came outta that, that period is when I got out of the, the fitness industry. This is in August of 2016, right? Mm-hmm. And I had been in the fitness industry since 2001, 2002, 2003. Um, and everything that was built over the course of those years, you know, you're talking about almost 15 years there, right?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Um. I associated myself with fitness and soccer. Okay. Soccer, because that was my sports background. I came to Firm University, came to Greenville, South Carolina to play soccer.
Speaker 4:Yeah,
Speaker 2:right. I majored in health and exercise. Science at Firm University, which got me into the fitness industry.
Speaker 4:Got
Speaker 2:right. So everybody knew Vaughn as the soccer guy or the fitness guy. Right. And that's how I knew myself. Okay. Right. But when I walked away from the fitness industry, that's gone. I've had arthritis in both my ankles since I was 17 years old. I played for The Bahamas national team. I played up until 2008 is when I retired because my daughter was born. I can't physically go out and play soccer right now because of my ankles.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm. Right.
Speaker 2:So I'm not playing soccer. I wasn't playing soccer at the time. Mm-hmm. So here I am 2016, August, September, 2016, I don't have the fitness industry anymore and I don't have soccer.
Speaker 5:Mm.
Speaker 2:So who am I? Who was up? Yeah. Right. So I was stuck like. I didn't even know my own identity. I didn't know who Vaughn was. Yeah. I didn't know what I was gonna do next. Right. Yeah. Because everybody knew me as a soccer and fitness guy, I knew myself as a soccer and fitness guy. Yeah. So I had to figure out who I was.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. Who I was as a person. Before I can even, you know, start to grow or start to even consider what was next. Mm-hmm. Um, and that was a journey, right? It took me probably a good year to two years to figure that out and had to realize that Vaughn was an individual and a child of God and not defined by what he was doing. Right. But what impact can I have and will I have in my family and in the world, in the community beyond what it is that I do? Mm. Right? Mm-hmm. As far as the career or the tag that I have associated with me, business owner, real estate investor, or whatever it may be. Right. Um, and there's a couple things that weren't gonna change and never gonna change is being a father. Yeah. Right. Son. A brother. Yep. Right. Um, and a husband. Yeah. How can I maximize those things? Yeah. Right. So even now, a lot of what I do, and you mentioned earlier, like I mentioned, you know, have a coaches.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And I have a couple coaches, multiple different coaches now, but you know, the majority of in the first 15 years of my career. Business coaches.
Speaker 4:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Coaches that are gonna help move me along in business. Mm-hmm. Now my coaches are personal and developmental coaches and helping me make sure I'm the best version, the best man, the best father, the best husband that I can be.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:So, um, that's been a huge shift.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker 2:And making sure that I keep those things first. Mm-hmm. And that I'm not a real, like, yes, my title is real estate investor, that just happens to be the industry that I'm in. Mm-hmm. But that's not who I am. Hmm. Right. Yeah. As a person.
Speaker:Yeah. So give me some more of the, um, you know, where did you turn? Like, you know, you've mentioned your faith a couple times.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker:You know, um, your wife is there, your kids are there. Mm-hmm. You're at this like identity crisis. Um. Did God just like, Hey, this is who I am. Like wake up. Yeah. Like a Paul sort of
Speaker 2:moment or it wasn't like that. I've been very fortunate. I was brought up in a strong Christian family. Okay. Um, you know, my parents, we went to church every Sunday on Wednesday, you know? Yeah. It was one of those things where, you know, my, I remember my parents battling'cause. Being a soccer player. Mm-hmm. And playing high level soccer and competitive soccer. A lot of stuff happens on the weekends. Yes. Specifically on Sundays. Sundays, it was like, all right, well your games are starting to, you know, yes. Conflict with church, that's a big deal. And so, you know, I remember it was a big thing between my dad and my mom. It was like, alright, you gonna let him play? Or is you gonna have to sit out and have to go tell the coach that he had came plan on Sundays and stuff like that. So I've been very fortunate and was very blessed to be brought up in a strong Christian family. Um, and, you know, uh. That's what was instilled in me. Mm-hmm. Right? Mm-hmm. And we talk about that developmental phase. They say who we are and our characteristics, our personalities are defined by the age of 10 to 12. Hmm. Right. And what is instilled in us through that time, whether it's environmental or you know, what's been taught to us mm-hmm. And things like that determines who we are inherently, right. By the age of 10 to 12. So that, I was very blessed to have that. Influence in my life up until that age. But also that's what determines our characteristics and who we are. But we gotta continue to run with that.
Speaker 5:Right.
Speaker 2:And having a strong, you know, uh, family background and resource system being my parents. Mm-hmm. Uh, throughout the entire time now going to college. There's a lot of times, there's a time where I back slid and fell off the wagon for a while of course, but fortunately enough, because of that, that history in the background, I very quickly come back. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Um, so I'm very, you know, strong in my faith and, you know, people always like to call me the preacher or whatever, you know, when I'm, I'm the one that like. Alright. We need somebody to bless the food. We need somebody to pray. It is like, where's mine? Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Um, but that's a, a huge foundation of who I am. Yeah. Right. And that you heard mentioned earlier, a child to God is first and foremost. Yeah. Right. And in that hierarchy of being a husband and a parent
Speaker 5:mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:God always comes first. Mm-hmm. Right. So it's God, them family. Mm-hmm. Right. Mm-hmm. And we gotta put God first in everything that we do. Mm-hmm. And just learning to continue to put Him first really gives me a clear, you know, a clearer Right. And it's never, to me, I never feel like it's a hundred percent clear just what you're telling me to do, but gives me a clear, uh, pathway of where or what I should do or what I feel God mm-hmm. You know, wants me to do.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:So,
Speaker:dude, that so encouraging to hear Von and, um, I don't know. I. I think what, what, you know, I started this podcast, you know, figuring out who, who am I bringing on? And, you know, we're talking business and fatherhood, but, um, the faith element has actually been something that's been somewhat recently. Aha for me is not making that a, like subpoint of mm-hmm. The show. Not that it's necessarily like the number one point, but, um, knowing sometimes I, I equate Christian faith as like, oh. You are gonna be poor or you know, just like, yeah. You're not gonna be as successful as, you know, successful. I, that's the key is like, what is success to finance? Yeah. That's,
Speaker 2:that's what it's when you think that way. Yeah.
Speaker:Um, but you know, just recently, you know, I went to a funeral yesterday. A friend of my wife passed away and she was like 35 years old. And you, you kind of see these, these messages of like. What matters, you know, like mm-hmm. You a lot of eternity, that kind of stuff. And when you, you know, when we're in those grinding years, uh, you know, you mentioned having the, the business coach first, but then these other coaches kinda came later. I feel like that's very, um, nor normal and common. Yeah. So maybe if you could gimme some of the number one, like what kind of coach you mentioned, like a few of the coaches, how many coaches do you have?
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker:And um, maybe some advice for. You know me? Yeah. Or, um, other, or the people that, that maybe have a business coach but are looking at sort of the next level up from where you experienced adding those coaches.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So it didn't hit me till for, for a while. Right. Um, but having a coach has been a huge like. Molding point of who I am throughout my entire life. Right. Because I've always played sports. Yeah. Yeah. Coach. So I've always had to coach. Yeah. Right. That coach was my dad starting out. Yeah. To having other coaches and, and you know, just, I look at over time and over the years, I. How much those coaches have influenced me as a person.
Speaker 5:Hmm.
Speaker 2:Right. And it's, it's crazy because my soccer coach at Furman, the guy that recruited me, brought me from Florida
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker 2:To Greenville, South Carolina, which I never even heard of when I was in Florida. Right. 17 years old. 16, 17-year-old when we first met. Um, he's still a coach at firm. Okay. And we're really good friends now.
Speaker 5:Okay.
Speaker 2:Like, and he was a coach. He was my coach,
Speaker 7:Right.
Speaker 2:and I say really good friends. It's not like, Hey, you know, coach Allison, it is good to see you, da da da da. Yeah. Like my wife and him and his wife, we went to Iceland together a couple years ago for vacation. Yeah. Like just the two of us, like Yeah. Two couples. And that's how close of friends we are.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, so you, when you look at how much of an impact coaches can have on you as a person, um, then you start looking at it from that aspect. And then you look at. Business coaches.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:So I didn't find business coaching. Yeah. I've had coaches throughout my whole life, but I didn't even realize business coaching was a thing. Mm-hmm. Until 2008. Okay. Three years into my fitness business. Okay. Right. And but what I found out business coaching is, business coaching is typically designed to, and how it should be, and how I approached it is to by speed. Right? Mm-hmm. So if I'm gonna hire a business coach, I'm gonna hire somebody that's either where I want to be or been where through what I want to go through, or I'm going to go through, or, you know, that's going to go through what I've, you know, wanna go through. Yeah. I've been through. But somebody that can speed me up through the process. Mm-hmm. Right. Um, so somebody that's gonna help prevent me from making mistakes or be able to provide me tools and resources that I don't have to create on my own mm-hmm. To speed up the process. Right. If they have, you know, tools, resources, and systems and processes that work. Why reinvent the wheel
Speaker 5:Exactly
Speaker 2:right. Get it from them.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Um, so I look at business coaching as somebody that's gonna speed up the process of where you are now to where you wanna be and they've done it. Mm-hmm. Right? And they have the systems, tools, resources, and the coaching to get you there faster mm-hmm. Than if you did it on your own. Right. But beyond that, and I've had without, was in the fitness business or the real estate business or whatever it may be. I've had coaches and multiple different coaches because some coaches,
Speaker 5:yeah.
Speaker 2:I always say. Another coach of mine told me years ago, it's like sometimes the people that got you to where you are. Aren't necessarily the people that are gonna get you to where you wanna be.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Right? Mm-hmm. So you can outgrow employees, you can outgrow coaches. Mm-hmm. And so you have to always find that coach is that is gonna get you and speed you up to get you to the next level. Mm-hmm. So having one coach and they get you to one level, that might be just the capacity that, that, that they have.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Right. And it's nothing, it's not anything against them, but you have to move on and go find the next coach. Mm-hmm. Um, so. From a business standpoint, I've always, you know, just moved on to coaches that are gonna help accelerate business.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:But from a personal development standpoint, you know, it's, it's the same thing.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Right? So where you're at in life and we're all go, go through different seasons of life, right? Mm-hmm. And so if I went looking for a coach that is, hey, an expert in a season of life that I'm not in or haven't never gone through mm-hmm. That coach is not gonna have an impact on me. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 5:And
Speaker 2:probably not gonna be able to provide me much.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:So it's finding the coach that whatever season of life that you're in, where you need the most guidance. Mm-hmm. And support. Um, so finding a coach or a mentor, mentor, mentorship, or a group of people. Um, right now I'm part of a brotherhood, like, I don't like to call it mastermind. Everybody's call it a mastermind, but as a group of guys, and we call it a brotherhood, the Simplifiers brotherhood that we're all. High level entrepreneurs or business owners and real estate investing or other businesses, um. But we're at a position right now where we've grown massive businesses and realized that that's not where we want to be. Like it takes away it's, those things start to take away from where we, what we really find important in our lives today.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Which is more time freedom.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Right. To and to spend time with our families. Mm-hmm. And then financial freedom to spend time with our families, right? Mm-hmm.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:So we're at a point of simplifying our businesses and simplifying our life. To really focus on what's important.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And if it doesn't move us closer to that simplification process, or move us closer to where we wanna be and how we wanna live our life, then, you know, we need to make a decision on is it still applicable in my business or still what I wanna pursue or what I want to do.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:If that makes sense. Yeah. Um, I, I don't know if you ever heard of the Mike Malowitz, the Offer of Profit First? Yes. Yes. Okay. I didn't know clockwork. Okay. Yeah. Um, what is it? A toilet paper entrepreneur. Okay. Um, so I read Clockwork for the, I read profit first years and years and years ago, 15 years ago. But I read Clockwork for the first time last year. And one of the things that really stood out to me in that book is, uh, redefining our definition of scale.
Speaker 5:Hmm,
Speaker 2:right? And so as entrepreneurs, business owners, when we think of scale, what do we think of?
Speaker 7:of?
Speaker 2:You mentioned earlier, I went out and bought 10 houses. That's what scale look like. Yep. Right. More houses, more people. Right. More problems crew.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:A lot more problems. He had a lot more problems. Right. So he, in that book, he talks about how years and years ago he redefined, uh, his definition of scale to be more efficient. More profitable.
Speaker 7:Hmm.
Speaker 2:And when he coaches a lot of entrepreneurs now and they take on that definition of scale, they end up scaling down. Right. So I look at my business now than where it was two or three years ago.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Two or three years ago. It was a point I had 29 employees. Okay,
Speaker 7:Okay. That's a lot.
Speaker 2:now I'm at nine. Wow. Yep. Okay. But I'm a lot happier. A lot less stress. Yes. More profitable. Yes. Right. And more efficient. Yes. Because 29 people, when you're a people lover
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker 2:That pressure that comes on to you of having to make sure you're taking care of everybody. Yes. And everybody's happy. Yes. And everybody's fed. Right. It's a lot. That's a huge weight.
Speaker:Yeah. So you don't wanna fall into that trap of what you, you know, came out of with the, the business. Other, other business. Exactly. Um, shoot man. So like, I'm like so enraptured and everything. I'm like, oh, okay. Um, you know, we're talking a lot about the coaching and mentorship. I mean, that's kind of been a, a theme. Um. And you mentioned, I mean, you did talk about scaling definition of scale.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker:But maybe let's put that into the, if you don't mind, like the fatherhood side of life. Mm-hmm. Because I mean, you, you've given a lot about the personal business and not that like we need to know everything you're doing with your kids. But like, I, there's just this theme that I, I love exploring. There's a book called The Intentional Father. I dunno if you read that book. Uh, um, called, uh, John Tyson. It's like an Australian preacher. Love the book, did some like kind of reviews of the chapters on the show, but there was this light bulb moment again of, for me, it was the difference between an um, uh. Uh, involved father versus an intentional father. So I feel like I was the involved father, you know, at the games. Yeah. You know, making breakfast. Yeah. You know, sitting there drawing with them, but there wasn't there. The next level was like intentional. So like, there's a plan here, there's a, there's a goal, there's a, you know, process to like manhood that, um, was like, oh, okay. There's a whole nother. This thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker:So, um, have you explored that? Have you kind of gone into like, I don't know, like maybe like fatherhood coaching? Yeah. But is there anything that you've said, this is something that I, I committed to and we're doing this that you can share?
Speaker 2:So I. I'm glad you asked that question because that is something that over the last probably six to nine months
Speaker 5:mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:That I've really become more cognizant of. Okay. Right. So I never heard it put that way as far as the involved father versus the intentional father, but I like that. Right. Because I've been focused more on being involved. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Be there for all the games and all the, you know, band recitals and you know, all this stuff. Right. And I always wanna be there. Right. But there's a difference between just being there. And then being intentional.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Right. And so working with this group and my, my recent coach that runs the, the Simplifiers Brotherhood, um, we, we've started talking more about, and it's funny because with this brotherhood or mastermind, right? Mm-hmm.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Um, everything I've been a part of before is all focused on business. Mm-hmm. We very rarely talk about business. That's just kind of like sidebar conversations. But when we get together, it's, it's more focused on, you know, relationships. Mm-hmm. And personal development, heart, like, um, you know, taking care of ourselves and, you know, making sure that we are in a good place. And then very rarely is that. Going into the specifics of running a business or mm-hmm. You know, stuff like that. Um, but one of the things that, you know, when I talked, when I first started with my coach and he asked me things that I wanted to do and I said, I wanna improve the relationships with my kids. Mm. And my wife, one of the things that we started doing is start, started talking about being more intentional. Hmm. Right. What are things that we can put in place that are part of our everyday life, or things that we wanna accomplish, we wanna do that we can involve our kids. Mm-hmm. Right. So I remember like, one of the things is like, all right, fitness, getting in better shape, getting healthier. And like my daughter's all into, you know, eating right? And, you know, she has allergies. She's, she's alert to dairy and eggs. Okay. So I have a son who's also other original to dairy. Yeah. So there's, when you,
Speaker 7:you throw milk
Speaker 2:they're like. Dude, you wanna preach of the choir? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a lot. So he's big into that. And then I was like, well I'm, you know, I'm trying to get my sexy back. Right. You know, like
Speaker 7:so Yeah, man.
Speaker 2:you want the vote. Exactly. So one of the things, the ideas we came up with was like meal prepping. Mm-hmm. Right? So for the last easily six, seven months, every Sunday, me and my daughter, meal prep. She goes, she's at the grocery store or she's on the, on the, at the grocery store. When I was on the way here and she's like, yeah, ask him do, should I get two things of chicken or da da? And I was like, so she goes to the grocery store, she shops and every Sunday a afternoon throw the, you know, he do Blackstone up out their milk prep. Yeah. Love that. So, uh. That was something that's being intentional. Mm-hmm. Not just, Hey, let's find things that we're both interested in and can do together. But it's also spending time together. Mm. So every Sunday is like, she knows like, all right, you ready to, lemme know when you're ready. Yeah. Um, and the same thing as my, my son is, my son is 13 years old. I'm boy, he's trying to, he's trying to get the puberty as fast as he can.
Speaker 7:can.
Speaker 2:He's like trying to crank off off as long as I can until we got his, I wanna hold off, but Yeah. In his body he's like, I'm 13, I'm seventh grade. Yeah. All these kids are hitting puberty. When am I gonna hit puberty? Yeah. So he's asking about working on and stuff like that. Mm-hmm. So it's like, okay, well I'm part of that health journey as well. Like I have a full gym in my basement. Mm-hmm. One of the benefits of, you know, shutting down a fitness facility. So teaching him how to lift and work out with him and stuff like that. So.
Speaker 7:So,
Speaker 2:You know, implementing those things. Yeah. And those are two things that are just very, you know, intentional. Mm-hmm. But, you know, killing two birds with one stone. Yes. Right? Yes. Things that are interesting to them or that they're all about and things that I wanna accomplish as well and that I'm all about. And then, you know, probably about three years ago, and, uh, one of the other masterminds that I'm part of this seven figure flipping Mastermind.
Speaker 5:Mm.
Speaker 2:Um, we get into a lot about personal development and relationships and things that's there as well. Um, but it was like dating your wife. Mm-hmm. Right? Mm-hmm. And me and my wife were celebrating 20 years this year. Congrats man. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. Um, but it's so easy to just get caught up in the daily routines. Mm-hmm. Um, that if you're not dating your wife. Right. Mm-hmm. Then, you know, things get starting to slip away. Mm-hmm. So is being intentional about that. So about three years ago, setting a standard weekly date night. Okay. Right. Yeah. And just being intentional about that.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, so that has significantly made changes in improvements in our, in our relationship and our marriage. Yeah. Um. So I love that of being intentional. I would say, you know, probably for me right now is like, it probably used to be probably 90 to 95%, um, involved. Mm-hmm. Rather intentional, gotta go with the blow and it's shifted and I would probably stay still, probably 70 to 30%. Yeah. But it's moving in, you know, more in the direction of intentional.
Speaker:Yeah. With my
Speaker 2:relationships.
Speaker:No, that's encouraging to hear. And I know, I would think a lot of fathers out there. I, I, I don't know. When you start thinking that way of like being intentional, that's kind of one of the, the goals of the show is, hey, let's, let's put some effort into this planning.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker:All the work you've done playing a business. You know, I actually really found it interesting that like this maybe elite mastermind group, the brotherhood
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker:Isn't really even talking about business. We're just talking about the other things.
Speaker 4:Yep.
Speaker:And how that to me, sends that message of like, Hey. Yeah. Even if you are this multimillionaire, successful business guru.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker:What I really want to talk about is, and there's still maybe a time for that in different places, but, um, it's, it's encouraging here. You, you have a select focused group on the non-business, like self uh, development and intentional fatherhood type of side of things.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And it's, it's crazy because that same group of men, they all significantly help in business.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because of the experience.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. But the group is not focused on business. Mm-hmm. It's not about business. Mm-hmm. Right. It's about getting deeper than that.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it all keeps going back to that comment, and I'd probably say it's probably 15, 16 years ago, one of my first coaches told me, he is like, when you get better, I. Everything gets better, right? It's just depending on what is that you, what, what part of you are you focused on. Mm-hmm. So at that time it was, I was in the fitness business, so it was like taking care of yourself physically.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Right? Because when you take care of yourself physically, you're sharper mentally, you got more energy, you know all these things. Right. And that allows you to show up and be there and have more energy to, um, and be more present with your family. Right. Or whoever it is that you wanted to spend time with, right. But now it's like, okay, well I can be fit, I can have a great business. But mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, if I'm not right or if I'm not right, peaking right. Like, if I can get this right,
Speaker 3:right,
Speaker 2:then it's still gonna make everything else better, right? Yeah. So when you get better, everything gets better.
Speaker:Exactly. I I love that quote, man. Yeah. Glad you said it again. Um, I always like to throw this out there. Um, what's the best part about being a dad right now? So maybe like a, a story or something that. You know, I don't, for me, there's like my daughter, you know, whispers, I love you at night and she's three and there's just kind of this like, like, doesn't matter what else happened today. Like there's like something happened maybe that you can share with us. Yeah. Could be recent, could be long ago. But that, that just best part about being a dad.
Speaker 2:That's the best part about being a dad is like just the emotional part of it, dude. Mm-hmm. And I think as men, it's like a lot of men are, are reluctant and scared to share their emotions. But as humans. There's one major thing that we want in this world is to be loved. Mm-hmm. Right? And to have somebody that has unconditional love to you, right?
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And you, and it's funny'cause as you get older, you're like, I, I look at my mom and my dad and there's like, I, I can't think of a more powerful love I have for somebody than my mom or dad. Right? Then when you're in teenage years and stuff like that, right? You're like, ugh, you know, hate mom, hate dad. Right? Right.
Speaker 7:Um,
Speaker 2:Like, even with like my son right now, his age, and it's like that 13, um, you know, prepubescent like, like trying to get the puberty as fast as possible, but you know, he still looks up to me and like idolizes me, right? Mm-hmm. And one of the things that I mentioned in my, my brotherhood is like, I wanna be the person that my son thinks I am. Right. When you see that, how they envision you mm-hmm. Yeah. To be able to mm-hmm. See that unconditional love, almost like a hero. Mm-hmm. Right. Um, to have that from kids, like one of the things that me and my kids have always done and, uh, intentionally did this from the time that they were born, was always telling them I love him. Right. And a lot of that stemmed from my dad didn't tell us he loved us. And like when we were growing up at all mm-hmm. Very rarely hurt him. Mm-hmm. And it wasn't'cause he didn't Right. But that's just not how he was raised. Mm-hmm. Like, he's the oldest of 10 brothers and sisters. Like, he was the heart. But that was gonna, you know, my, my uncles used to tell me like, Hey, like if we ever needed something taken care of, like we would go get your dad. Right. Um, which I can't even envision that now because like I said. Grew up in a strong Christian home. Never heard him cuss, never seen him drink. Right. Like right. All this stuff. Right. But that's how he was raised and that's how he was brought up. Um, so he was brought up in a home where he was the person.'cause the dad wouldn't have, you know, he's, he has eight half brothers and sisters or two, um, full biological. Mm-hmm. Brother and sister. Um, one of'em has passed now, but they had two different daddies throughout their home. But neither one of the daddies, same mother, neither one of the daddies were ever present. Right. Right. Yeah.
Speaker:So it was the, so that was, that was what was modeled to him. Yeah. So now he's got you, he's gotta change things. Yeah. Just that.
Speaker 2:And it wasn't until, um, I got out of the house Yeah. And really in college and Yeah. Lived my own life that I really like. He was like, I love you, and like.
Speaker 7:you know,
Speaker 2:Now it's the thing that we get on the phone and we don't even get off the phone without telling each other they love'em. Right. But that's just a progression that has happened over the years. So,
Speaker 5:yeah.
Speaker 2:Because of that lack of hearing, I love you growing up and mm-hmm. How it always stuck in my head. Mm-hmm. And it, it was a big deal for me. Mm-hmm. I've always made it in. You know, intentionally about saying, I love you to my kids. Mm-hmm. So like, every time we get off the phone, every time we get off, you know, they go somewhere we leave to go to, you know, he gets, my son gets out the car when I drop him off at school or whatever. Yeah. We leave each other. It's like, I love you. Yeah. And so it's just become a thing in our house that, you know, I wanted to be intentional about implementing and never want my kids to ever think that I'm, I don't love them. Mm-hmm. And that I'm not proud of'em. Right. So, and that was another thing with my dad is like, be proud you, like, right, right. Um, it time I can remember distinctively him telling me he was proud of me was, um, I had a major, like it was in college and I had a, I can't remember exactly what it was with like, winning a, you know, player to tournament or something like that, or you know, something. And I was like, um. And at this point, yeah, I was still young. Still young. I was in the college years. Right. So I was stubborn. Right. But I was like, so you proud of me? And he goes, he goes, I'll be proud of you. And this is just kind of how it came out. He's like, I'll be proud of you when you graduate. Right. And not that he wasn't proud of me. Right. But he was just like, here's the thing. He is like, yeah, I, my biggest thing is I want you to graduate college. Yeah. Right. So finally I walked across the stage at graduation, got done, went call my parents, and I was like, uh. I say, so are you finally proud of me? And he goes, what are you talking about? He's like, I've always been proud of you. I'll always be proud of you. And he goes, I said, well, he told me such and such, he didn't even remember. Right. It is one of those things. Yeah. You remembered it. I remember though, of course, because I remember that like how hard it hit me. Yes. So things like that, that with my kids now, I'm like, I don't ever want them to think I don't love him. Mm-hmm. Or I'm not proud of'em. Mm-hmm. So it's just one of those things that I always say, anytime they do something, I'm like, Hey, I just, I'm proud of you.
Speaker:No, I,
Speaker 6:I,
Speaker:I love the, um. I don't wanna call it vulnerability, but the idea of being relational, um mm-hmm. It, it, and talking about our feelings, you know, there's just a sense of, as men, we have to model, um, how to do that in our household. Mm-hmm. So if we're bad at it, yeah. Our kids are gonna be bad at it. It's gonna keep going.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker:And when you can, you know, say, hey,
Speaker 6:you
Speaker:you know, in a, in a way, the picture of your dad not saying he was proud of you at that moment on the soccer, you know Yeah. Was up. Big moment in your life? I think, yeah. It was just like, oh shoot. Like I, I wanted this, you know, so dad, you proud of me, like you even saying that. Yeah. Probably was a lot to put that out there. Yeah. And well, that's
Speaker 2:one of the things that, especially as a young man with your dad Yeah. Is you wanna be, you want your dad to be proud of you.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like my son, I could see it like, and I could see it now because of what I went through and it was like, no. And they're like. Even my wife can see it strong. He's like, she's
Speaker 5:he just looking. He always
Speaker 2:wants you to be proud of him. Yeah. And so like just being able to tell that to him, I can completely change his mood or how he reacts to something just by telling him how proud of ammo.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that very like particular recent thing that happened is he got a bad haircut.
Speaker 5:Okay.
Speaker 2:Right. And it wasn't a bad haircut, but the guy didn't do what he wanted it to do. Okay. He had this moppy curly hair and he wanted this whole mop look and the guy cut off. Too much more than he wanted in the front. Okay. Right. Uh, and I could see, like as soon as he cut it off in the chair, his eyes just started watering. And I'm looking at him, I'm just saying, it's okay. It's okay. And then, yeah, after guy hit it and it was actually a, a good looking haircut, but not what he wanted. Okay. So, and I could tell he was just, you could see devastated. Right. I could see it in his face. I get in the car and he's about to break down and I said, Hey, listen, I said, I just wanna tell you something. I said, uh, I know that's not the haircut you wanted. I'm super proud of how you handled it.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And you didn't break down in there in front of those men.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And I said, actually, the haircut looks really good.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And I said, but I know that's not what you wanted. Mm-hmm. And I said, but I'm gonna let you know that I'm proud of you and how you handle yourself. Mm-hmm. I said,'cause things will come at you in life that you don't want and don't expect. And it's all about how you handle it. Guess what? He went home and he was like to his mom and his sister and he was like, Hey, you know, he is like, oh man. He's like, that's not what I wanted, but you know, like Yeah. I was like, he is like, you didn't even say that though. He was like, and I told, I text my wife, I said,'cause it's why he's in a chair. I was like, he is, be ready. I was like, be ready. I said, when you get home, just tell him how good his haircut looks. And guess what? I love it. He loves it. Now he gets the same haircut,
Speaker 7:every times. That's
Speaker 2:but it was just like, I could tell, like it was gonna go one way or the other when we got in the car. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So just being able to tell him how proud I was of him, the way he handled everything, changed his whole demeanor and outlook on that entire. Situation. I love that story. So Vaughn, but it was one of those things that I knew, like I had to tell'em, like, it ain't gonna always, you ain't gonna always get what you want. Right, right. Exactly. Can't always was that song can, that you can't always, always get what you want. You want. Right. I, I said, I said, things are gonna happen in your life that you know you don't want to happen or you wouldn't expecting. Or they go Right. You know? Yeah. Not how you wanted it to go. Right. But it's how you react to it. Exactly. And so I think it was a lesson that he, he learned that day and. I think he remembered it.
Speaker:Yvonne, if you haven't been encouraged in recently as a dad, that's a great story. That's a great use of teaching a teaching a life lesson amidst something that's just like a haircut. Just another haircut. Oh, yeah. But I would like to think he's gonna remember that at least that first haircut, I, he
Speaker 4:gives a haircut.
Speaker:Yeah. Well, um, v to kind of wrap things up a little bit, I want to be able to promote what you're doing with the, um. The podcast you've mentioned. Yeah. Um, your own podcast that you're putting out. Yeah. Um, give us a little teaser or give our audience what you're doing there, um, if they wanna follow that and, um, your mission there. Yeah. And then also if our audience just wants to keep up with where you're at and what you're doing, um, best way for them to track you.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So the podcast is the Flip Life Podcast, um, and been doing it for a little while now and just kind of sporadically. Mm-hmm. Um, but one of the things that really, you know. Kind of sits in my heart is, you know, being able to, because through our company, through RI junkies. Right. Um, and you mentioned earlier, like REI junkies, that's an interesting name. Uh, and when I created the, the name for that company, um, you know, one of the things is, is like when you think of junkies and how I was raised and how most people think is like, it's an addict, right? Yeah. Right. Drug addict or whatever. Right. Alcoholic addiction, whatever. Well, I was like, well, I'm at a point where I'm addicted to real estate. Okay. So REI, real estate investing. Junkies. Yep. So our tagline is Addicted to real estate.
Speaker 5:Yep, yep.
Speaker 2:Um, but yeah, one of the things that for me, before I got into real estate, and even though I had a successful business before that. It didn't provide me the time freedom or the financial freedom that real estate provides me now.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Right. So the pun was intended, like in flipping. Right? I was able to get into real estate, start flipping paper, flipping houses. Mm-hmm. You know, now we do primarily owner financing and providing a pathway to home ownership. But through real estate, I literally was able to flip my life mm-hmm. Right? From somebody that didn't have a lot of extra cash or didn't have, you know, a lot of extra passive income or a lot of extra time mm-hmm. To somebody that, like, I work a lot less than I did before and I have more financial, you know, uh, resources. Mm-hmm. And more time with my family. So I completely flipped my life from where it was to where it is now.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And so I wanna highlight other, uh, business owners throughout the community that have been able to do the same thing for themselves, but also for their families and for the community. Mm-hmm. So that's the whole purpose of the Flip Your Life podcast.
Speaker:Cool.
Speaker 2:I'm looking forward to, to tuning into that. Just encourage other people that it, it's possible, right? Mm-hmm. Um,'cause a lot of people, I think we get so caught up in where we are now
Speaker 5:mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:That we can't even see, uh, like where it could be.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And we're with the potential that we have.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Um, and we can make a complete 180 degree turn if we think we're in a bad place or we're not happy with where we are now. Mm-hmm. Literally can be like a complete 180 degree turn and be somewhere completely different a year from now. Um, so just highlighting people that have done that and, you know, let them share their stories and, you know, encourage other
Speaker:people. I think it's, that's beautiful. Beautifully said. I think it starts with a mindset, like you just said, it's, it's a hundred percent, it's what you're thinking. Hundred. So if you're, if you're trapped in your mind Yep. If you're trapped in just the, ah, I gotta pay these bills, or I'm, I'm, I'm overwhelmed here, you're probably gonna stay trapped. Yeah. If you're thinking, you know what, there's a way outta this, this guy knows, or this book has some help here, or, yeah. You know, you gotta change that mindset. Yeah. Go for it. So it's belief systems. That's awesome, man. Yeah, dude.
Speaker 2:Belief systems, like what's the, the saying and what you can, what you believe you can achieve.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Right. It goes the opposite way too. Right. Exactly. We all have limiting beliefs. Mm-hmm. We have, everybody has limiting beliefs. And those are belief systems that we have that limit our potential. Mm-hmm. Because we don't believe that we can do it. Mm-hmm. Right. Or we don't believe it's possible.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And when you get rid of those limiting beliefs, it's amazing what you can actually do. Mm-hmm. Right? The brand's a powerful thing. Yeah. Man. It could be a huge driver, right? Mm-hmm. And it can drive you to do the things necessary to get to where you wanna be. So.
Speaker:Well, thanks so much for your time today on the Blessed Fathers for all My Dads out there. Invest wisely.