From Trauma to Triump with Mz. Kiki Kamau

Happy Women's History Month. We are sitting down with Navy Veteran, Mother, Entrepreneur, Poet, Podcaster, Musician amongst many other things Mz. Kiki Kamau. She speaks on childhood trauma such as Child Prostitution, father issues along with adult experiences such as police brutality, single parenthood, Navy Trauma and so much more. The most incredible part about this whole thing is that she found power through each episode of her podcast, every lyric in her song and every person she impacted and she is still here. We also talk about the release of her new E.P. I'm still here. This artist is super dope and her artistic ability is unmatched. Tune in and enjoy the show. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Like being a prostitute at eight years old is crazy. I mean, I chose the crack over, you know, being in my children's life. So I was one of those women that would like back to your original um conversation where you say, Well, take assault from men and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

This is where all the dopest artists and the hottest entrepreneurs come to vibe. And I'm super excited that tonight is no different, y'all. We have Navy veteran, mother, entrepreneur, poet, podcaster, musician. And I mean the list goes on and on and on. But I'm not even gonna say no more. I'm gonna let my girl talk to you herself. So y'all stay tuned. Hold on, and we're gonna dive right into this conversation.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

What's up, everybody? It's your girl, Miss Mickey Kamal, and I am rocking it live with Louis Baby. It's always a vibe. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Okay, so you're a veteran, right? Let's say. Are you service connected? Yeah. Okay, so you're a service connected veteran. You have two children. Yeah. Right? To the average person, they may see your service connection and say, this girl making some bank. You know what I'm saying? Like, but you do have two children. Yeah. You understand? Um, is it as easy as someone outside of, like, outside of your shoes, is it as easy as someone would think it is?

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Uh, no, it's not easy, but people do think it is. Like, I got family members that'd be like, so you just, you just got money for no reason, or you, you know what I'm saying? You just get money for free. And I'm like, You know, I went through a lot. But no, I mean I mean, I if you know, it's the same way with outside looking in, if you see a drug dealer, like one of the big top dog drug dealers making a lot of money. It's not, it wasn't easy for them to get to that point. You know what I'm saying? They had to hire little minions, they had to do a whole bunch of stuff, they had to be minions themselves. You know what I'm saying? Um, like I always say, you gotta serve first. So they had to start from somewhere, and now you see them as top dogs, and you like, dang. And it ain't easy, it ain't even easy to hold that position. Right. So, no, it's not easy, but um you can't change people's opinions.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Oh my God. Yeah, because I encounter a lot of people, right? And um, that's how they feel. They feel like, okay, these veterans are getting four grand a month. Yeah, eighteen hundred a month. But then you see a lot of these veterans, even though they fought for their country 10, 15, 20 years, they're still stuck on the side of the road, and I can't even understand it. And they stuck on drugs, and then people don't even understand it, does go beyond like physical. So as far as veterans having like PTSD and things like that in the Navy.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

And a lot of us don't we don't know we have it. We we just I think we start to see signs once we have to like get thrown back into the real world. It's just like a man or woman that just got out of prison. You just get out of prison, you're basically institutionalized. And now you're out in the real world and you're forced to get a job, get a place to live, get a car. That stuff starts to get scary because when you were in prison, a i.e. uh military, they take care of a lot of things for you. I mean, of course, you end up getting, you know, your own, you can finance a car, get your own car, whatever the case may be. But it's kind of like your day-to-day is already planned out. You know what's gonna happen. Right. But now you're out in the real world and you don't know.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

And you being a woman in the Navy, and it is Women's History's Month, so shout out to y'all who are watching at home. It is Women's History Month. I told you, yeah, they long. You logged in the period. Period. But it is like being a woman in the Army, do you feel like as a woman, not even in the Army? Because I just learned that Army, Navy, Marine is different. Military is general. Yeah, general. That's right. Yeah. Because I was calling everybody army. And that man was like, I'm a marine. I'm like, Yeah, we we get invented.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

We get, I mean, it's i it's kind of like you you become that. Right.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

You know, such as but do you feel like um being a woman in the Navy was harder than like for the men?

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Oh, I can't Well, I'm not a man, so it's hard. I can't really speak on what men went through. But I will say this about men, so maybe this could help. They are low-key more forced to hide their emotions. So whatever they're internalizing, all of that gets released once they become civilians. So I think that's probably why you see more men on drugs and you know what I'm saying? Because it they can't, they can't be, we're not really able to really be human. We can't go and complain about certain things. Shut the fuck up, you know. It's That's what they tell you. Oh, you what?

SPEAKER_00 4:44

So like let's say, what's something that a normal civilian would get upset about and it'll be understood by society, but if you in the Navy, they don't understand that message.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Periods. They don't understand menstruals. They don't care.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

What's babies?

SPEAKER_01 4:59

They don't care. I I I mean, I I when I gave birth to my child, um, I was like, you know, I I I I wanna be a I wanna get out. Um they were like, oh no. They slapped me, they slap because I was sitting at a desk. They slapped the desk real hard and they said, Oh no, you're gonna give us C duty. I said, Oh no, um I just had a baby. And they said, Oh, did did she come in your sea bag? Like, she joined the Navy, she joined the Navy with you and I said no. And it was like, Okay, then you're gonna go out because we're gonna need people in Afghanistan. I was just talking about it.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

So what do go out mean? Because right now You're gonna go out, you're gonna go train, you're gonna go to war. Yeah, because for people who are not out, and I don't know how many people are aware, and I'm not too informed on this topic, so I'm not gonna speak too highly on it, but we are at a place where they're considering enlisting young men from the age of 18 to 26 in this war. We are in a place where our president is sending bomb not only to Iraq, but also to Cuba as well. He wants to overtake the whole Cuba. They drafting people in there. Is this something that people should be scared? Like, is it because this is something totally new. Now I done been on this earth for 36 years. Yeah. I've never experienced it. I experienced 9-11. I was in like the sixth, the seventh grade, sixth grade when that happened. But I've never experienced something, we've read about it in history, enlisting people into the army. Who you think gonna go first? If they drag people, uh probably I mean, I'm Who you think should go first?

SPEAKER_01 6:26

People in prison. That's what I think. Really?

unknown 6:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

I think people in prison are. I think it should be these young boys out here carrying them guns. They ready? I do. No, I don't think they're ready.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

You don't think they're ready? No. I think they should first get people who are killer, like who convicted killers and you know, rapist put them get them first.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Yeah, definitely. The rapists put them in the front.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Yeah. Put them in the front. Killers, it depends on what's killers.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Put their ass in the front.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Put them in the Marines.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Yeah. Army. They go first. Kill them. You gotta hear their story first. We y'all gotta leave that to the front.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Some of them be on death row for no reason, so. Definitely. You gotta find out who's who's who. Who's who?

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Yeah, and we live, we got a justice system that's so corrupt. Um, with your podcast, even with your music, you talk a lot about um things that are going on in the real world. But um, even with all that type of stuff going on, Kiki, how do you like kind of portray what you've been through in your music? And I'm gonna play one of these songs because y'all got to go, y'all. But we're gonna tell y'all everything that she does before I let y'all go. Thanks for the love. I love you. Oh, that's so sweet.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Somebody is like literally hitting the button here.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

I know, but I think I see on that screen somebody said it's Miss Kiki come out single, but we're gonna get there, y'all. We can get there.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

You can see my way on that.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

Let me see.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

That's a bit that I like that.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

You just dropped your mixtape. Yes, ma'am. Um, you have five songs on it on your EP. Mm-hmm. Um, how did you A, select those songs? And how did you um use what you've been through to kind of break your message in that song?

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Ooh, those are good questions. Um, how did I select the songs? I'll say the first um uh Rocco Did It Was Brought to Me. Okay. Um, okay, gross. I'm sorry. I'm just um I'm I so yeah, anyways, no, the people who brought Rocco Did It to me asked me to do like a jingle or whatever for a m I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put quotes on that. It was just a jingle.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

For their movie um that they were dedicated about. So um they said I need you to make something about real estate. I don't know anything about real estate, but I wanted to make it fun, and then um, because I'm a little wild, I just incorporated a part of my personality into it.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Okay.

unknown 8:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

So Rocco Did It Came. Um I'm Still Here Again was brought to me. It was like, you know, it's gonna be about uh I love that song by yeah, just like overcoming something like that. Yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

You like that though. That was good. I done learned so much. I'm so proud of you. Now listen. He's doing stuff on the fly. No, you be doing stuff on the fly, Kiki, because you started off in poetry, girls. Okay. You started off in poetry. Did you start first off? Let me ask, because that's where I first encountered you in your poetry bag. But um, is that where your journey started off with poetry?

SPEAKER_01 9:30

No. No. Realistically, my journey started off with me just writing books. I was nine years old. Right. Like little stories about people selling drugs, saying no to drugs, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

I know that's right.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

I was nine, my my teachers thought I was slow because I was not paying attention. I was writing. I was writing. This is more important. I'm gonna be an author. Um, but then as I got older, I think I was about 12, is when I said, I want to do rap. Okay. Because I loved Eve, I loved Buster Rhymes. Okay. I was like, I can sound just like them, you know. And and I and and I was more of like a Eminem. I hated my mom. So I had to. I was like, I gotta get this out. I need the world to know. You know, I'm gonna f and kill her, you know. So uh so rap was actually first. I wrote a song called I Know You Won't Me.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

How the hook go.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Period. I know you want me, me, me. I know you need me, me, me. But you can't have me, me, me. I like that song. If you can't please me, eh.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

And that's another damn thing because these men be talking a good game. They think they worth more than what they is, Kiki. Now, what is the uh, because we done started drinking y'all. Okay. We done started drinking y'all. What is the the lamest type of man that you've encountered as a woman? Because they always have stuff to say about the women. Yeah. Smelling it's up.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

Ooh, I just really just um ones that just don't have a job or they don't, you know, have no means of no money. No money. That's weird. Ain't that weird. You can't. And them meet a pimps and all the things. Yeah, I mean, ladies are supposed to be spoiled and you know, taken care of. So how you gonna do that with no money?

SPEAKER_00 11:12

I mean, how y'all get five women with no money? That's weird. Okay, that's weird. Um, I don't, that's unattractive. No money, yeah. First off, is your single or taken?

SPEAKER_01 11:22

And my single or taken.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

For that answer, y'all, and this game that's coming up next, y'all gotta make sure that y'all stay tuned in. Y'all ain't finna let her get too far into this thing, but we actually finna play a song because if you on live right here, this is uncut and unfiltered. Okay, uh-uh. This ain't a song. And I'm gonna read the little comments. They waving tonight. Alright. They like you, Kiki. Ooh, they like you, Kiki. Uh no, they're trying to say, girl, I said Kiki singer. That boy went the wave. Nice. Let me see. Hey, do we? Okay, you know Shaquille Apparel. He said Kiki. Um. Uh, who is K baby? Hey, boo. Hey everybody. Up top. Cousin. That's my cousin right there. My cousin is gangster. I love my cousin. Hey, cousin, that's my baby right there, baby. Um, is about hey girl hey. Hey girl hey. Yeah, we got some people too. I'm not gonna read it. Hey badge H1990. You getting a little background poster.

SPEAKER_01 12:37

Spirits told the cop, let air breathe. So I let my friend face the lead. Sorry, God can't sit here. Yeah, let's still sit in the speed. I still don't need 73. I still seven feet. No mess is set of me. I those three so I can see what's ahead of me. I'll be fighting supply. My flesh, my spirit. My flesh makes me want to kill homie, my spirit tell me I'm still only my flesh, tell me to get loud, make a scene in the crowd like a big child. My spirit tells me still homie. My flesh makes me want to kill homie, my spirit tell me I tend to lean towards men that I know is gonna help me because it's really not easy. Um, my my eight-year-old, her dad, uh, I buy her like three, four hundred dollars worth of clothes. Right for summer, spring, and fall. Three times a year, I get those girls like those whatever the case may be, just to get them, you know, through the season. Her clothes do not come back. Her belts, her undershirts, her socks. I mean, I just be like where everything went. So then I gotta double that up and rebuy it again. And then he claims her on her taxes because I'm not working. So that's money I'm not seeing. Um, and she's constantly hungry. She likes she eats things that we don't eat in the house. I don't get food stamps. So that's more money. So and then I drive a uh, you know, a U uh S U V and Oh yeah. Yeah for it. It's literally f it took me 50 to fill it up. And I fill it up at least what, two, three times a week. You see what I'm saying? Because I drive the brand and then go to church. See what I mean? And so it's really not easy. And then, you know, and these days, you know, oh you want so badly to give them what you did not have. And and that will pull at your heartstrings. So they want a VR, okay. You know what I'm saying? You good girls, you do your chores, y'all not out there. You know, my 15-year-old, she's not. She's just a a little gamer. That's right. You know what I mean? She's just lame in her room, that's right. Drawing and watching little YouTube parts. And I I love that. So of course you're gonna get, you know, you wanna you want a VR, you want a laptop? Okay, let's talk about it. Of course you're gonna, I'm gonna put money in your savings count and try to set you up and do things that I wasn't, you know, that I wasn't gifted. So yeah. Absolutely hard.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Now, in a world that we live in, because I often talk about this on the podcast, and I know y'all probably getting tired of it, but guess what? I don't care, okay? But I often speak of how we have a lot of people that come out and they make music, and that's why I highlight you as an artist, because while you have, you know, while, yeah, sometimes you may curse or you may do whatever, but in the end, there's an overall message. Do you understand? That's not promoting violence. It ain't promoting hate, it's just telling your story. You get what I'm saying? How old are your kids? 15 and 8. 15 and 8. A girl and a boy? Two girls. Two girls. You have two girls that are growing up, and I literally just saw um a reel on Instagram where they say Lotto is pregnant. Yes, I saw that. Is it 21 Savage? I don't know. He she's pregnant by 21 Savage. 21 Savage has a wife that's in another country. Oh wow. He already has three kids, and she's on Instagram twerking, saying that she's having a baby by him, right? And people are saying this is what our young girls have to look up to. And you having two kids, you know what I mean? How do you make sure that's the route that your child's taking, even when it's so easy, because you it's easy to be influenced at a at 15 years old, especially 15 years old.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

It is easy. I mean, I I at 15, I mean, I wasn't the thing is I think they mimic the parents. I think as parents, we don't realize that we have to be a role model. So a lot of the times they see the things that we're doing and they they want to do it too. And I think and I I was lame growing up, you know what I mean? So even though I had a lot of bad stuff happen to me, I was very lame growing up. Like and so I think that kind of rolled over to my my 15-year-old, you know. So she doesn't see me out going to club. She sees me at home watching TV or doing something boring. That's right. I literally, I'm, I mean, I can get wild, but I have to be lame in a sense so that way they can mirror that.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

I have a niece and I feel the same exact way. Like as I'm drinking for you grown folks at home, honey, this is something that I don't do in front of my niece. I won't let, I won't let her see me intoxicated. You get what I'm saying? And my niece makes straight A's, y'all. She is in a private school. Shout out to her. Her birthday is tomorrow. So everybody at home say, Happy birthday, Gabby. Happy birthday, Gabby. My baby, I love my girl. That's my girl right there. She's so intelligent. And it's the same thing. You know what I mean? But she surrounds herself with good kids, just like her. She goes to private school. You know what I'm saying? She does her thing over there. She's a cheerleader. I asked her what she wants for her birthday. She said leisure athletic wear. Whatever the hell that is, y'all. If y'all have any pointers, please drop it below. That's it. Yoga club. That's what she's leisure athletic wear with T. T T. Yep, that's my girl. I love it. But that's what we're getting. Um, and we're going to Butch Garden. So shout out to Gabby. Shout out to Busch Garden. I love my baby. That's my baby right there. But yes, Kiki Kamal. It's it's so hard though. And I fear that. Because I just know what I was doing as a 15-year-old. I wasn't wild. Yeah, I was lame, but I was dealing with thug men. Okay, my boyfriends were selling drugs, all right? I was taking my uncle car. See, I'm grown now, Uncle Morris. You can't say shit. I took my uncle car.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

I've been stealing cars since I was 12.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

So oh no, you need your asshole. Girl, listen, I took I took my uncle car. Oh, yeah. I was about 15. I had to restrict. He was asleep. See, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

I've been stealing my mama car at 12.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

So it's the same thing. My boyfriend was on the run from the police. I went and got it. Yeah. Old house room.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

Back in our day, we could do that. Mm-hmm. Put him in a trunk. Come on, blue.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Come on now. Don't try that at home. Yeah, no, no, no. I was like 15, 16. I ain't know no better. Okay, so don't try that at home. But Kiki, as a woman, this is women's history month. Yes, ma'am. Um, you speak a lot on empowering women, especially on your podcast that you're no longer doing, but that's another story for another day. Another story. Even on your podcast, you are so vulnerable. Um, you have different guests come on that tell different stories, different testimonies. Yes. Women, from what I see, and correct me if I'm wrong, right? Um, women, they so nowadays, they women in relationships, I'm gonna say some women in relationships, they are willing to take a lot of verbal abuse because this podcast is about how words change our culture. You know what I'm saying? Instead of speaking into black women, you have not even in a relationship sense. Yeah. But when speaking to a black woman or speaking of a black woman, sometimes our men speak of us ten times worse than what Caucasian, and you've dated Caucasian. I've tried it, it's not for me. Yeah. In all cases, it depends on what kind of man. But the first time I tried it, it was like a no. Okay? It's a no. Oh. He was so clingy, I was like, You know, I like clingy. That's right, you don't like clingy. Oh, I like cleaning. How the fuck do you do it, girl? Can't do it. He's FaceTiming every day. You know, what are you doing? Where are you at? I need you to know what I'm doing. I'm working. I want to check in. You should already know where I'm at when it comes to me. For real. Because I have the same schedule. When I wake up in the morning, I wake up at the same time, Monday through Friday, you know where I'm at. Saturday and Sunday. Nine times I be with, I'm nine times. If I have free time, I be with whoever the hell I choose to be with. If I'm with somebody. You know what I'm saying? Which I'm not in. It ain't none of y'all business that I'm not trying to be. Are you? I told them I was putting the live off earlier. She thought I forgotten. No, no, no. Wine make me remember. Tequila made me forget. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 20:49

I love it. You so cute. Um, I'm in a weird situation. Okay. You know, uh, the person who, I guess, so-called, is in love with me or want to marry me just put me in jail. So I'm putting you in jail for? You crazy, Kiki? No, he's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

What you what he put you in jail for?

SPEAKER_01 21:08

Uh, he lied. He told the Well, you know, he's a senior citizen. How old are we talking? Senior citizen, bro.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

How old are you? See, I tried to date an older man. But he kept fucking comparing it to his daughter.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

Perfect age. This is the time to be with the older men. You get their money. You know, yeah. Same for me. Oh, so remember when I was telling you, like, having the children is hard. Mm-hmm. I I tend to like to mess with people who, you know, go Take care of you. Yeah. That's it. You're ignorant about that. Save more money. Um, so yeah, that's just kind of like what I like to do. And so, um, but yeah, he he lied and told the police um that uh I destroyed his vehicle and I assaulted him over a thousand dollars worth of damage.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

See what I'm saying? See, the last time I used to be crazy as hell, right? The first time I found out the boy. A little crazy. Ain't nothing wrong with it. But I didn't do that. You didn't do it. No, I didn't do that. See, I poured oil all over my ex-boyfriend car. Sure did, and I'm proud of it. And I didn't want to bust his windows or slit his tire because I knew he was gonna play police games like that, but I made it a living hell to clean that sucker.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

Okay. You know the guy right here in this song, uh Zethrow and the Id versus Super Ego. Uh-huh. I poked him in the eye one time and gave him a seizure and he foamed at the mouth. It was horrible. I feel really bad.

SPEAKER_00 22:29

Did you do it on purpose? Uh you can't be using Navy tactics out here in the real world, okay?

SPEAKER_01 22:36

I it I didn't know, I mean, I had no idea that my finger was gonna get in his eye that fast. It happened out of nowhere.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

I got a friend named Jay. Now, listen, this is for all my Army friends, because see, I'm meeting Army people every other day. And now you my new Navy friend. Yes. This is the rule for my Navy and Army friends. Because you guys have been through boot camp. I had a friend named Jay.

SPEAKER_02 22:57

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

Okay, me, Jay, and my other friend Kay. I'm not saying real names because maybe we could get in trouble for this. Kay was crazy as hell. Jay was in the army. Me, I was just rowdy as fuck. I'm ready to fight, you know? But this one particular time we fighting this group of girls. One girl came out with a thing of mace. Big police bell mace. I tell, I tell Jay, girl, you've been in the army, right? Gas chamber. I say, run up. Soon as she sprays, I'm up. You was using her as a shield. You army strong. In fact, you army strong. That's mean she was she invincible. I think everybody in the Navy don't because y'all get tear gassed. Yeah. You have to jump out of planes in the big bodies of water. No. That ain't true. No. That's the air guard. That's Air Force, yeah. Or Marine.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

Actually, my husband had to jump. My ex-husband had to jump out of a helicopter. The Caucasian. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

It'd take a Caucasian to jump out of a helicopter. If you call it jumping out, this is so racist. And I'm sorry in advance, y'all, but it's the wine that Kiki Kamal insisted on me getting today instead of the normal together.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

Yeah, for me. With me, I had to get pepper spray and gas chamber. And that was it. And for how long was the gas chamber? No more than like three three minutes. Yeah, so she had to fit 30 people in there.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

They should be able to take the mace. Yeah, I told her, run up, girl. My other homegirl was like, girl, I ain't with the mace. She went to the gas station, got gasoline, girl. You're trying to get us locked up. Yeah. Okay, I'm just trying to do a little rep, you know, turning a little. Maybe they got some pressure building.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

I've actually threatened somebody to light them on fire too. We have a problem. I think a lot of us when we get out, we see danger. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

Guess what Kay is?

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Leo too.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

Ooh, you crazy for real. Yeah, Kay was a goddamn Leo, and she was the one that got the gas game.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

Yeah. That's I mean, I've done that. I just because it's like you don't want the fight to happen again. You just wanna you wanna end it all. So if I gotta do something, that's gonna be weird.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

Baby, what you gonna do? Dallas them. We ain't trying to kill them, girl. We trying to fight them. Sometimes that's it, that's the fight. Oh, girl. The death. Yeah, we had to keep her ass in the car. Yeah, you would have stayed in the car. You and K and Yeah, but yeah, I tried to get her. Army strong out there. Oh my gosh. That's good. That's a good story. I love it. I told you. I told you now. Let me get these questions up, honey. Hold on. Because I have a bunch of questions for Kiki Kamal. You've asked so many. And I'm steady going, honey. We got encouraged. Yeah, that's what I'm telling you. I'm on fire. First off, before we get there, what kind of men do you like? Because see, I, okay, I'm gonna tell you what kind of I like strong men who got business stuff going on. I don't like you old, okay? Old to me, old enough for me is like maybe four. I'll give them like 40, 40. No, they're still babies. No, I'll give them like 40, anywhere between 42 and 46, okay? Once it gets to 50, I've realized because they're going through midlife crisis any goddamn way. Them the ones want to be playing players, and bitch, y'all wear top hats. How you a play in a top hat? You know what I'm saying? But they be clean as hell, though. They be clean though. They be clean, they be fine. I be looking. A lot of them do like to wear suits and hard bottom shoes.

SPEAKER_01 26:16

I be looking.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

They fine.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

And they drive bins and they're gonna be able to do it. They're trying to keep up with it. Yeah, they're gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

But I know four to three years old to drive bins and shit too. But they hustle like a motherfucker. I don't know. I want me a man who probably already sold drugs. Right? Maybe in the back in the day, he probably did his thing. Because we all experience different shit. I want people who they don't you not even that you have to have sold drugs. What I'm saying is you have to have been through some stuff. I don't want nobody. Yeah, exactly. I don't want nobody who just I like somebody who's street smart and extremely book smart and financially smart. You know what I'm saying? Because I think spiritually clean.

SPEAKER_01 26:55

That's it. Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 26:57

With morals. Yeah. You gotta have to follow the guidelines. Yeah. And why do you feel like men are intimidated by women?

SPEAKER_01 27:06

I think it's uh I don't think they're intimidated. Okay. I think um, I think certain men are intimidated by certain women. And I think the certain women give off very like independent vibes. Men want to um be needed, but they don't want to be um they don't want to feel used. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

How do you want me to need you, but you don't want to be used? You people are confused. That's why you go out and get your own money. But that's probably the problem. Okay, I'm only asking this question because I had a conversation with my cousin, and this is somebody that I truly admire, okay? I learned a lot of stuff from my cousin. First off, he was a ladies' man back in the day. I done seen him playing with the ladies, so I knew to guard my heart from these type of men, okay? These type of men, but I've already classified them, yeah, grouped them up. Yeah. And you know psychology, and you deal with different stuff like that as well. Do you feel as if the issue is the woman when it comes to like failed relationships? Because I literally just read online that African American people are least likely to get married. Men and women are more likely to get married as African women if they are in biracial relationships. Hmm. Instead of interracial. That's crazy, right? Yeah, it is. But we the lowest class of people that get married to each other.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Especially, yeah. Um, man, I I I guess I would have to blame society, but like at the same time, it's it's each individual person's um preference. But I think some people like myself, I chose to be with a Caucasian man, honestly, because I f I really felt like I was doing, like I was satisfying my mama.

SPEAKER_02 28:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:49

Because my mama have like this really weird thing with white people. She used to tell us, like, if it's not white, it ain't right. It ain't right.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

I heard somebody like she don't want no dark grandchildren.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

I had a Spanish man tell me, once you go white, your credit go right. I'm like, bitch, black people got ex-hood credit too.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Yeah. So I think it's I think it's a stereotypical like um notion that people put place on race. And I think that's why a lot of us will go to uh a Caucasian person. Sometimes they'll be like, oh, the white girls are way nicer because black girls are mean, they'll try to fight you, they you know, blah, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

Everybody's different. I feel like, you know, I feel like um, I'm not even gonna say the levels of trauma, right? Because trauma goes by the race, but I can't speak on any other race's trauma except for ours, right? I feel like when you turn on the TV and you're a parent, two daughters, African-American, biracial? They're biracial. Okay, biracial. But even, you know now, even with biracials, they see them as what, colored, right? Even Spanish people, they color. Y'all one of us, pretty much. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, pretty much. But even in the climate that we live in, right, we see police brutality every day. Law enforcement really beating our ass. My cousin got killed by the police. That was the first only person I ever known to get killed by the police. But I was maybe, I was maybe in the ninth grade when we experienced that. And I don't even know, like, if us seeing it as adults right now at the magnitude that it's going, it's hard to process. You get me?

SPEAKER_01 30:26

I mean, when in 2019, I was I was beaten by the police. Beaten by the police. I mean, literally, I I was parked in front of my house. Uh-huh. I was I had a roommate with this white girl and her and her uh sister. We lived in it, we were renting a house.

SPEAKER_02 30:41

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

And I'm I they I just dropped my children off and they they've been following me, so I know they're following me. So I just follow me. Yeah, they follow me without the lights. Okay. But I can tell that that's them. You know, you can see. You know, so I I get in, I get to my house, I park, I take the key out, I got the door open. She goes, lights on, you know, after she gets behind me, and then she gets on the speaker and she's like, uh, get back in your car, get back in your car. I'm like, and I look, I'm like, what is it?

SPEAKER_00 31:10

What is going on? What the fuck is going on? I'm sorry, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

And it just got weird because I had an attitude.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

Um, because like you're not pulling me over. You literally, you you're parked in front of my house. And so she was like, you know why I pulled you over? And I corrected her. I said, No, you didn't pull me over. You're in front of my house. You you followed me, and then you turned your lights on when I parked. Like I'm I'm correcting her. Right. She didn't like that. Then she said, um, uh, you know, license registration. At the time my registration was not correct, you know, whatever. My my the address on my license didn't match the house that I was at. So, you know, blah, blah, blah. So I was hesitant to give it to her, but I gave it to her anyways. And then she was like, Um, all right, well, I'm gonna have to write you a ticket because your address and stuff don't match and you don't have your insurance.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

Being an asshole.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Yeah, so I she wanted to hype me up, which she did. So I said, ma'am, how about this? How about you write your little ticket and I'm gonna go in the house? And then she was like, You're not and I went, I didn't even move. So I was live on Facebook when this happened. It actually went like lim semi-viral, not viral, but you know, people saw it. Yes. She's like, You're not going anywhere. And she starts taking my wrist and she's flipping it and doing all this weird shit. And I'm like, What are you doing? So I push her, because you know, I'm I'm I'm I'm a veteran. I got PTSD. I'm thinking this woman is trying to kill me.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

And so I push her, and when I push her, she takes my hair and rip like yanks me out of the car by ripping up like literally hairs from my head. And so when I get out of the car, I'm like, this lady wanna rumble. I don't know what happened, but I flipped a switch, like, I'm gonna kill this, you know, this. You fought the police. Man, I so I started like hitting her, and then she she pulled her um taser out and shot me with a taser. And at the time I was like 200, 200 pounds. I had just had a baby, so I looked Could you feel that?

SPEAKER_00 33:02

Because my cousin got tased in the ass, and he was about 260 to the biggest. I can't really feel it. Kept running.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

Yeah. I look, I literally, it was like a I was a I was like a superhero. I looked down, I said, Bitch, did you just tase me? And I just charged at her because I'm in my head. I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna murder this. And then two white men came out of nowhere and grabbed me from each end, slammed me on the ground, and started beating me.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

Oh my gosh. And that's so scary because this real life, y'all. You understand what I'm saying? Like, this ain't no stuff that you see on TV.

SPEAKER_01 33:33

That gave me the inspiration to write two poems. So I have um In your book. Uh, they're not in these particular books. They're gonna be in the new book that's coming out. But it's called Ravens in a Cage, which I've performed too much.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

I actually performed that on my YouTube. So if y'all just scroll right on down, y'all see her, and she always wears orange. So as soon as you see the orange, you know that's Miss Kika come out. And check that out because you actually I'm actually gonna put a snippet of that in here. But you actually performed that at our Black History Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

What if I told you some birds fly with only one wing? You see, it's funny how they achieved the American prison scheme. Amendment 13 was supposed to grant freedom, so it seemed, unless you was born with melanin and jeans. And still, Lord, we yelling, we gon' make it. In 1915, here comes birth of a nation. Birth of a nation was a demise to our creation. In 1924, the clan was adamant about our annihilation. We started a movement of mass incarceration and Europeans laughing, telling us life is what you make it. Well, Tupac said we're gonna stop asking and start taking. Yeah. He said that years later after Ronald Reagan. But did I forget to mention Dixon? I'm sorry, Nixon doubled down on our apprehension. He said the war on drugs was his only real mission. He persuaded the working whites and the poor to start mixing. The only jobs left for us was the ones in the kitchen, and little black children like Emmett Tia was still going missing. What if I told you that Ravens was transcendent, made in God's image, above and beyond the belief of existence, like those flies that think they're trapped in a topless jar, for instance. You don't have to say, Cage Ravens, just stay persistent, like Reagan in a 1982 crack epidemic. Yeah, because that's my story, man. Just getting beat by the police was crazy to me because I'm thinking, I'm a veteran. You know, why would you beat me? But uh police don't like veterans. They do not like us.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

You had an entire room that was full of just musicians, artists, because that night was epic. We actually had King Bonus Drums, shout out to King Bon Drums, and a couple of other guests that came in the building. Um and DJ Pun, because who was that Keeping It Real? Shout out to Keeping It Real where it all started. Shout out to them. But we actually did that there. You did that poem, but you had all of the artists that were in the room, these are musicians, Kimba be her drum, everybody clap. But when you got off that stage, first off, when you were on the stage, it was dead silent. Yeah, no. Kimba even tried to beat the drum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was like, No, sis, I'm finna let you rip this shit, okay? The crowd was dead silent until you finished. And when you finish, the whole crowd erupted and said, How amazing. No way. You Kiki, you heard them, people. You heard them. You heard them. You heard them. I'm gonna put it in there. Cause they was clapping it up, girl. And I grabbed that mic. See, that's when shit was lit. See, y'all missed that day. We done got a little sophisticated. We got sophisticated. Just a little bit. But yes, Kiki. You remember? Okay. So of your mixtape, Kiki. Period. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Boom. Boom, I got you.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

Period. So of your um your EP that you just dropped, there's five songs. Of those five songs, which one would be your favorite song?

SPEAKER_01 37:00

Um, I don't the thing is, it's not that I don't I hate the songs. It's just that I have a really sour taste in my mouth now for all the songs because of the story behind the songs. Okay. Um, unfortunately, the the person who made the beat, and I don't know if you know Marcus. Uh-uh. Uh he was with the girl, the woman from um the show. Speak for the culture. Okay. Yeah, they were together. Remember him, MB, the little short short guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah. Yep. So it just it was a bunch of drama behind him and some other guy, just oh, you know, we didn't give you these for free, but they did give me the beats for free. Just, you know, just a bunch of bull crap that I had to get a lawyer and all this other stuff, all because they're threatening me. One guy said he was gonna throw me in a Chicago River. What? Um, you know, he better not see me out in public. Like, what you gonna do? Like, you you gave me the beats because you assumed, I guess, you thought I was gonna have sex with you. And I thought you gave me the beats because you believed in me as an artist, and so when I published the beats, you turned around and you republish them and say that um they they belong to you. Oh my gosh. And it took my name off and was like, I'm I'm now the feature on the song. When I wrote the whole, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 38:26

So you wrote the entire song.

SPEAKER_01 38:28

Yeah. I wrote all the letters, they provided the beat. They provided the beat, and some of and sometimes Marcus would provide the hook, like Rocco did it, I'm still here. Obviously, that's uh Marcus. And um I think that's it. Rocco did it and I'm still here. And Rock and Marcus wanted credit for I'm Still Here. And Dorian or the D the D the uh producer, he wanted credit for just everything.

SPEAKER_00 38:56

So when you say credit, right? Because I learned a little bit, but I tend to stay my ass in the back because music gets very complex. And that is that is why I always ensure that I have permissions before I even play, process, touch, do anything with anybody because it's very tricky, right? So I was reading up on a couple of things, and they're saying, even if I play your song on my YouTube, as long as you have your BMIs and it's registered and it's all of this, you'll still get paid off of it. But if you're an artist and you just putting your music out here, pretty much is what you're saying, is if you have too many hands in the pot, it could get tricky because he made the beat you rapped on the beat. Those are your lyrics, but because he produced it and made it his song?

SPEAKER_01 39:49

Uh not technically. It's it's my song, um, but it's just his beat. And the the way you So he can do anything he wants to this beat. Well, he's technically he was supposed to sell the beat to me, but he gave it to me for free. Because now he's saying that he's gonna turn around and sell it. But either way it goes. Because you didn't smash her. I guess, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:11

I'm telling you, because let me tell you, I was gonna ask you that because being a woman in the industry, that's a lot of what most men really want you to do.

SPEAKER_02 40:19

Like they will try to unfortunate.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

They will try to woo you. Yeah. They will try to tell you they have all these different promises for you. They will try to promise you the world, and maybe they can provide it, and maybe they can't, but a lot of women feel as if because these men come to them and tell them, oh, I can give you the world, they're gonna drop them draws, they're gonna give it to you, and then you're gonna be so embarrassed in the end.

SPEAKER_01 40:40

First of all, they don't e they don't give you the world unless you don't have sex with them. You have to like literally withhold sex from them.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

No, listen, I've had this man tell me his household was complicated. Let me tell you. And I let them tell their story because I love good entertainment, girl. I be at home bored, and they think they got all the motherfucking gang kicking. I'd be like, let me see what this dummy gonna tell me. I'm not dummy. Dummy said, first he told me he was single, single. But I knew that was a lie because he'd already tried to shoot a shot at my best friend, which he told me was a lie. He never tried to do it. My best friend tried to shoot a shot, which I knew was a lie, whatever. Disgusting.

unknown 41:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:18

But he he had a girlfriend stays with him, told me.

SPEAKER_01 41:21

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 41:22

Yeah, I got up, girl. I stay with her, but it's complicated.

SPEAKER_01 41:26

I can't stand that situation.

SPEAKER_00 41:28

I told him, Well, guess what? I'm not intelligent enough to uncomplicate it for you, you know. And I'm drama in itself. So you don't want to add me to your roster, baby. This is gonna be a whole nother headache right here. Correct. I wouldn't even do that to myself, but let alone. Whatever. But these men will sell you to drink. And if he started this bitch off like, I wanted to invest in your whole podcast. Like I was finna drop a bag.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

Bro, if you wanna do it, no, that's the thing about men. And if you want to do it, you would have done it. Fuck what you want to do.

SPEAKER_00 41:58

Yeah, because I done did it. So if you want to drop a bag, y'all can drop a donation. My girl taught me that. Y'all can drop a donation. Yes. Zoe baby podcast on goddamn cash out. Dollar size, Zoe Baby Podcast, fun and shit. I'm finna charge y'all a hundred dollars, okay? I turned down the deal because I didn't want to charge y'all a hundred dollars. You understand? I fucked with my people first, shall I be? Yeah, and I got a motherfucking superstar. Now, Kiki, speaking of that, you actually helped people build their brands. Now, what made you get in? Because you built your whole brand, and to this day you still wear orange, your favorite color. But what made you want to get into helping others? Because you have amazing ideas. We just sat outside and talked, and I was like, damn, girl, I ain't even my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

I love I love people, man. I love people. Really? And I love my my favorite people are black people. I want to see us win in like entrepreneur, you know, positions. And I studied marketing for years. I mean, I'm still studying it. I took it, I took classes on it. I went to I mean, I'm in college for it, but I changed my major, obviously, to writing because, you know, I realized that public relations is not what I really want to do, but I can do it on the side. But anyway, I love to see people win. I understand aesthetics, like I was telling you. I understand um branding image. I understand, like, you know, um public relations behind the scenes and you know, in front of the camera and stuff like that. So I like, I and I wanna, I just I wanna help.

SPEAKER_00 43:34

You so good at it because you literally walked in the studio, right? And you said, What do you envision for yourself? And I just gave you a general idea, and this was just general, and you got I can't tell you motherfuckers, because people out here stealing my shit. Stealing it. Yeah, don't swiping. Can you hear me now, you fucking thieves? Yeah, that's it. But, anyways. Yeah, I can't tell y'all what it was, but it's it's it's such a breath of fresh air when somebody understands your vision. So, in any goddamn capacity, listen to this goddamn music. Listen to this mixtape, right? Even though she don't do the podcast no more, listen to it because you speak on everything when it comes to co-parent, having daddy issues, even with fathers in your life, because that's something that I deal with. And I don't often speak of um father issues because it's something that'll probably make me cry, but I don't I probably won't cry no more. But you are very vulnerable in your podcast. You actually have your dad come on and speak of his journey. So kind of give us a walkthrough of what what what made you want to start that podcast with your father and then be so open in that podcast.

SPEAKER_01 44:54

Yeah. Um well, okay, I'm gonna be honest with you. I have a brother who is very um vicious. Um and for some reason he just he's always talking about how he wants to kill us. So he mentioned to me, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:08

What did y'all do to him?

SPEAKER_01 45:09

You ain't just gonna skate past that shit like that's just normal. No, he's a wild boy. He's been a wild boy since we were children. But anyway, he used to he used to he put me through some stuff. Oh but, anyways, he don't like the fact that I tell the story of what he's done to me. Okay. Like being a prostitute at eight years old is crazy. You were a prostitute at eight years old? Pretty much.

SPEAKER_00 45:31

I mean, like what were you doing at eight years old? When you say that you were a prostitute, because a lot of people see you, and when they speak to you, they think like you have, and that's why I encourage you guys. I'm gonna give y'all a little bit, but I'm telling you, each interview that she does, each poem that she does, each song that she makes, it kind of tells you a little bit about, you learn a little more, and this is how conversations develop, I'm telling you. Go ahead. I'm sorry, I don't cut you off.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

Yeah, I know it's cool. I mean, um, it was just weird, you know, because he I think generally in a lot of black families, you have these people they be like, go hunt your cuz, and I guess. I've had stories of that. Okay. So it just got a little deeper for me. It was more like, you know, you're gonna suck this boy dick, and you know, whether you like it, or suck the, you know, you're gonna go down on this boy whether you like it or not. At a young age. And I was eight, nine years old, and then if I didn't do it, he would beat me up. Even if I did do it, the boy would say, Oh, she didn't do it, so you know, he would beat me up.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

So, like that That's a tough thing to go at eight because if you was it Maslow that said the the therapist, whoever said that as a child, is when you learn love and you learn comfort and you learn all of that. But all of this is coming up into the ages of adolescence, is what they consider what, up to probably nine, yeah, ten years old, then after that you go on in the preteens. But in those first parts, though, this is where you're learning everything. And I feel like a lot of people don't even take their trauma back there. If, girl, if I took my trauma back there, I would be crying to you tomorrow. Give me about two more cups of wine, girl, you'll be my best friend. I'll tell you everything I know. But I'm just saying, eight years old, you would think that it ate your story, my story was bad.

SPEAKER_01 47:18

But with some people that have been through worse. I I mean I have a good friend who who was uh four years old, raped by her um her mom's boyfriend.

SPEAKER_00 47:27

So But that's unfortunate because a lot of people from our culture, I don't know, maybe, yeah, but white people do some weird shit too. I'm sorry, white people. It's Kiki's fault because she had me get wine instead of patrone. That's true. I'm gonna say that all night. Wine makes her remember. Patrone make me forget. Yay. But don't y'all. But in our culture, even with me to a certain extent, like it was always either um a family member or someone that was close to the family that felt that they had that freedom to kind of try some shit. And then it was a point where I tried to tell and it didn't go according to plan. So for me, from a very young age, I had a problem with feeling protected. You understand what I'm saying? So I felt like I I had this guard up and it's it's messed up some of the best relationships that I've had. I had somebody that I love to death, only man I ever thought about giving a child to, and I never thought about kids past him. Yeah. That's just, well, between all of us now, but I feel comfortable telling you that.

SPEAKER_01 48:41

But um Thank you for sharing that.

SPEAKER_00 48:43

Yeah, but that was the only one. But because my guard is so high from father issues, from um lack of protection there, do you feel as if sometimes as that child you look for something in your significant other that you was missing back then? Or have you been able to process those feelings through like your your music and telling your story? Have you been able to process those emotions?

SPEAKER_01 49:09

Um, that's a good question. Um, do I feel like that okay? Um I would have to say absolutely. I feel like those issues come up, and I think that's you know, I've been in therapy, I'm not healed, and I think that's partly why I like to date men that are older, because I think I do look for like a a father figure type of thing. But also, like I said, I like to be taken care of, so that's just a different thing. But that's me too.

SPEAKER_00 49:38

Because it's certain shit that if a man Go ahead, I'm sorry, because I'll go on to TV.

SPEAKER_01 49:41

Um even though I like my dad was in and out, um, like I still feel like a man is supposed to be your leader. He's supposed to be your provider. And back to your one question when you say, Do you think that um it's the men's fault or the women's fault when things go left in a relationship? I believe that because I am a Christian, that men are supposed to lead the woman. I agree with that. And so and they need to take accountability they have to take accountability for their actions. So I I hate to say that it's not fully 100% the man's fault, but it it does fall back on the head of the household. But I just want to say the reason why I wanted to have a conversation with my dad is because um at the time, like I said, my brother, like I said, he said he was gonna kill us or kill me. And I said, I have got to get my story out some type of way. So that's where the podcast is.

SPEAKER_00 50:29

So you told your story that he was gonna kill you.

SPEAKER_01 50:32

No, no, no. I just I just felt like my there's so much of things about me that you don't know. So I said, let me do a podcast, and from my podcast, I'll start from here, you know, my personality to my background and my history, and then now to my my traumas. I wanted to share that story with people so that way if I died, I'm dead now. You know, it's out there. It's out there for the rest of his life. And so bringing my dad on was to to heal a part of my trauma, which is, you know, why do I low key hate men so much? Not anymore. But I would look at like I used to slap I used to beat men. I was a woman beater because of that.

SPEAKER_00 51:08

See, I don't beat men physically, but like, not even mentally, like, but I will block clear girl. Blocking is fine. I would literally try to. Not like block them on the phone. I mean like they don't even stand a chance. Like people will think, okay, Zoe's single because that's what it ain't cause. Baby, listen, if I wanted a man, I can have one of you dumb, dumb. You drop them like it's hot. I don't even drop them. I don't even pick them up. Oh, there you go. That'd be the problem. Yeah. I tried to pick them up. It just was, it's just not for me. And no, I'm not into women. For those of you that want to know, I done had that question a couple times. No, I do not like women. No, you can. I'm not gonna say that on YouTube. You know what I was gonna say? What's the thing? No, they cannot.

SPEAKER_01 51:50

Oh, no. I should add me some. Go down on it. That's what you was gonna say? You so silly. No, you cannot go down on it.

SPEAKER_00 51:58

Don't say all the words. Don't explore. You can't do none of that.

SPEAKER_01 52:04

The valley. There you are. Strictly for the D, baby. It's only for the woods. Only the trees can enter the valley. I'm gonna tell you one thing, girl. That's a good one. Trees can enter the valley.

SPEAKER_00 52:16

Never drinking a wine with you again. Oh my goodness. These people ain't never get this version of me, and y'all know this. No way. I love you so much. Oh, I love you. Cheers. Period.

SPEAKER_01 52:28

With no drinking a cup.

SPEAKER_00 52:29

But yeah, I just shut men down completely. You at least you go through. And I love that. That's probably why I resonated with those with your podcast so much. And I feel like anybody that goes through anything can resonate through you because you, you're right, you have been through so much. But when I listen to your podcast, I'm like, you got a lot of courage because it even made me reach out to my dad, which I instantly I instantly regretted it, girl. It did not go how it was supposed to. And that's okay. But I was very fortunate to have a stepfather that stepped in.

SPEAKER_01 53:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 53:02

Did an amazing, and I was, girl, I did not like him coming up. I would call my daddy snitch on him. And my daddy would answer, like, I'm gonna go whoop yo. Yeah. If you touch, he called me by my middle name. I'm never gonna tell y'all that, but he does. My real dad calls me that, his whole family. But um, I used to tell him, and now today I wouldn't want no other father but the father that I have. I have an amazing dad that does everything for me.

SPEAKER_01 53:26

Yeah. That's the type of man. See, and I like that because like I said before, it starts with the man. I didn't have boundaries because I didn't have a father. You know, I didn't have standards. So I was one of those women that would like back to your original um conversation where you say, Well, take assault from man and stuff like that. I mean, absolutely. Because it's like, I love you and I know you can do better. Like, you know what I mean? Because I I put it, you know, I my dad was on crack. He literally told me I chose the crack over, you know, being in my children's life. So in my head, I'm like, I can fix that if he if he just had a little bit more love. You know. And that became, you know, when you don't have a father, you become like a more of a people pleaser. And so you you do end up in those type of relationships where you are abused emotionally, mentally, physically.

SPEAKER_00 54:10

Yeah, because a lot of people think that when it comes to abuse, I know they show it a lot that abuse is only physical. It does not only happen physical, because in my last relationship, it was more um emotional. It was more things that people couldn't see on the back end. But because he was adamant about having a public relationship in the first place, I was on some stuff like, baby, I don't, I'm very private person, Kiki, right? Girl, oh, he insisted on his public relationship. So now when you doing shit, I'm doing shit. I gotta smile. Like, oh, everything's fine, everything's fine, everything's fine.

SPEAKER_01 54:42

Even when it's not fine.

SPEAKER_00 54:43

Even when it's not, because they don't even know. Like, you're popping up at my shit, and I really want to bust you in your face. But because I got a room full of people, I got to be like, I, I don't want to do that shit.

SPEAKER_01 54:53

Oh my gosh. I want I've always dreamed of a public relationship.

SPEAKER_00 54:57

I don't want to be.

SPEAKER_01 54:58

I wanted to be like, I can see the term. If I look without, you know, the beating.

SPEAKER_00 55:04

If I love somebody enough, I don't mind doing that, but you have to give me time to open up to that idea because that's a huge step that you're taking. Once you open that relationship, whatever your significant other do, that's gonna be your issue. You see it now, Cardi B. Yep, that's true. Um, who else? Somebody told me I was wrong, but I still feel so. Cardi B. Explain that, go deeper. Cardi B, um, yeah, she left Offset. Offset was a cheater. He was cheating. She went to another man, and they beating her ass down because she's a married woman, got pregnant by another man, but Offset been doing his goddamn thing on this girl for a long time. Granted, she got a loser. Wait a minute, the dude she has a new baby from is married? No, no, no. She's she's still married. Oh, she's still married. But the dude that she had a baby with had about three baby mamas pregnant at the same time. Yeah. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 55:51

I mean, you know, what what he's supposed to do? Um, well, he was he was out there slanging his dingling all around without wearing a condom. So how like is is it r I mean it's normal to me. It's I don't know if that's crazy. He wasn't counting how often he was coming in those women, so he didn't. That was disgusting. So when they found out.

SPEAKER_00 56:08

But do you see why it makes me so scared? But I don't even want a man to touch me. Uh if I do let you touch me, please put on a rubber, right? Please, like, do not come over here thinking that we finna make love any goddamn way without protection. Like put on protection. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 56:24

You gotta wear money.

unknown 56:25

What?

SPEAKER_01 56:26

A raincoat. These men are disgusting. No, and they and they you know, the thing about men though, and I I don't this is not giving them the benefit of the doubt, but I I have a a stronger understanding. And this is and I'm gonna give you a tip too. But the understanding that I have is that they naturally are supposed to like uh hunt, if you will, or have ejaculated you, because you know technically that's like healthy for them. Like they can't get it. It's healthy for us to get it out for the sky. Right, but not as they gotta get it out. They like they, you know It's healthy for our skin and everything. It is, but for them it's more intense. Be so ready. And so I think that that plays a huge factor in when they're talking to women or whatever the case may be, they just think sex because they that's that's what they know first.

SPEAKER_00 57:14

Don't tell me, don't think first sex with me. You better think, get into my brain first to even know if I like you, right? Because I just told somebody up.

SPEAKER_01 57:22

So that's where you come along with that discernment. Oh, I'm gonna pay attention to this man. Listen to his conversations. If he's not talking more and asking me questions, then he just wanna have sex.

SPEAKER_00 57:32

I'm gonna tell you a conversation that I heard yesterday because see, I told you my brother was a player, my cousin was a player. My brother would play a bitch out of Robin jeans. Yeah. And you know them Robin jeans five, six, seven hundred dollars. I had a boyfriend ask me for an hermaise belt. I loved him to death. That was the one I wanted to have a baby with. You got an herma's belt. Hell no, I couldn't even afford a tie. Girl was making $10 an hour. He was crazy as hell. I don't know what kind of hustle he thought I had back then, baby. He did not get an herma's belt. I bought him a. I told that story on one of my podcasts, too, was Band the Man, baby. I told him I bought him an Armani watch. Okay, okay. Had a box and everything when he got the bag from the mall. Look at you. You chose three. I can teach people something.

SPEAKER_01 58:13

You really can. You should. I can't tell y'all everything. You can have like a class. Well.

SPEAKER_00 58:17

See, I crossed this leg when I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 58:19

Don't be so much of a gatekeeper. I can't know.

SPEAKER_00 58:22

I can't tell them my tricks. They got to pay for that.

SPEAKER_01 58:25

Ooh. Teach a class. I'm trying to tell you. $30. I'm thinking more like $55. Okay, $50. I'm not good at it. I don't like so.

SPEAKER_00 58:34

I love you so much. I love you too. Oh my God. But yeah, I'm telling you, my best friend, he's a male. He laughs at these men. I had a boy that I was dating. Even after my ex, I tried dating someone. Oh my God, he messed it up for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 58:50

He was such a loser. Don't let them still be beautiful. Still allow them to entertain you, take you out on dates. Yeah, keep your discernment and your convictions, baby. Like, you know, don't let them, don't let them control you.

SPEAKER_00 59:01

I just like smart men. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:03

I just like smart. Me too.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

Men, these men are dumb dumb. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:07

I like all ages.

SPEAKER_00 59:08

I like smart men.

SPEAKER_01 59:09

You don't like all ages though, because you won't go past 46.

SPEAKER_00 59:12

I tried 54 and I was like, what the fuck are you doing? I like that. I was a little old. He was a little I like him. He was a little younger than my mama. I should have introduced him to my mama.

SPEAKER_01 59:23

Now, what I won't do is 60 something. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 59:26

Because you halfway there. You, you, you, you, you three-fourths of the way there. You might as well young man.

SPEAKER_01 59:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 59:34

Can you say 50 what?

SPEAKER_01 59:36

56. I'm about to be 57 this year.

SPEAKER_00 59:40

My cousin used to date a man. She was 22 years old. And she was dating this man. He was already getting the damn social security disability. He was getting all kind of chat. Oh, as hell, walking with a cane. I could never understand why.

SPEAKER_01 59:55

Girl, I used to be a sugar baby. I was messing with, I was messing with older men. I was a sugar baby, so I thought, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:01

I had a friend who could shake her tits in front of this man. That's how we got into Empire every weekend back in the day. You remember Empire? You from Florida? Yeah, but I never went to clubs. Back then anymore. I'm so lame. I don't know none of them. But that's why I'm lame now though, because y'all turned up so much back then. Oh my God. People be like, today people be like, come out with me. I'm like, girl, I'm in bed.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:26

See, you don't have to get out unless you need to get out. Mm-mm. And that's why I don't have nobody. And I don't do online dating. It ain't nothing but crazy people on that shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:33

Yeah, I used to do it. I thought it was fun. Huh? Yeah, I thought it was fun. I used to like set it up like it was a game.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:39

But did you meet the people?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:40

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:43

You should do like for the lovers, though. You think you got a good gift on people? Maybe you should pick them only from the church house. Your church house got five young brothers. No. Everybody married. Everybody ugly.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:54

I mean, I'm just joking. No, they're all old. Everybody in their 60s, 70s. What church you go to? Rivers of Life. There's like three young people, including myself. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:05

But yeah, girl, this has been a journey. I love you. I love you. I love you. I can't wait for part two. Oh, we're doing part two. Yes. And Kiki is actually going to be interviewing Zoe Baby. Y'all make sure y'all stay tuned. I done a couple. Exclusive. Exclusive. By Kiki come out because I know she's the only one that can do it right. It's gonna be good. We're gonna. Yes, but this is gonna be exclusive. This is gonna be exclusive.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:30

And I don't want you drinking, no drinking. Oh, I'm drinking, girl.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:32

No, no drinking. You gotta let me drink my truth juice.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:35

One. That patron. One, okay, one juice.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:38

Two. Okay. Two. I'm gonna get the truth out, girl. I want to get this off my chest. I've been holding it. Um, a lot of people have been asking the information that Kiki Kamal guy. Um, I'm definitely not gonna let y'all know too, too, too much, but I'm just saying this shit is gonna get litter and litter and litter and litter and litter. And remember, it's a vibe podcast with Zoe, baby. Everywhere, baby. Everybody. Period. We got more surprises on the way. I can't wait to share more stuff with y'all, but I'm not gonna share too much right now. But don't give them too much. Tune in to my iHeart. Can you subscribe to iTirl on Spotify?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:16

Let me do it right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:17

You can subscribe to subscribe to my iHeart.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:20

It's on iHeart, so that means it's on Spotify too. Let's find out.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:23

Let me tell you something. Make sure y'all tune in to my iHeart. Definitely tune in on my Instagram, Zoe Baby, Z-O-E-Y-B-A-B-I. Go to Lulu.com. Look right there. Look below, okay? Lulu.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:40

Lulu.com slash Miss Kiki. Wait, that's for my books. For your books. Or slash Miss Kiki Kamal.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:46

Slash Miss Kiki Kamal for your books. That whole thing is right here.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:50

You on Spotify is a vibe at night, Zoe. Girl, that's a good thing. What Mama Don't Know.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:56

Oh, I was writing a book. I was writing a book on Spotify, and I actually think I deleted most of those things off of there, if I'm not mistaken. But what Mama Don't Know was a book. That shit was so fire.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:07

Oh, wow. Okay. So I don't have iHeart. Let me see.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:12

Oh, I ain't on IHeart only one. Yeah. Shout out to OEZ for being my test dummy. Period.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:19

Let's say see all episodes.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:21

You know, oh, damn, baby. That's an iHeart.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:24

That's you. It's a vibe podcast with Zoe Baby. What Mama Don't Know, Chapter 2, Light Camera Addition. What Mama Don't Know Chapter 1. This is So it's like on my Spotify, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:37

That's that's that's that's that's golden right.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:40

Okay, let me follow.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:40

And then I had my cousin.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:42

And girl, you had a 5.3, you had a um five star. On my review. So far, they gave you five stars. Period. I can't even get that in mind.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:51

Girl, them books is good though. I didn't promote it how I was, and I really wanted to stop the whole podcast and just do this book, but because I got into my podcast, I stopped on my book. But that book is really good. Go to Spotify, it's a vibe. Podcast was up, baby. Shout out to Kiki Kamal, who reminded me that I got a whole book out that I completely forgot about. That was last year. Congratulations queen those three. And get have the book somewhere like. It ain't no physical book, it's just the audio. Okay. I'm just writing it and reading it. Listen to one. Still good, yeah. Still promoting. I'm gonna probably put a little snippet on the end of this. We definitely gonna put um all Kiki Kamal information on there, including her website. Y'all make sure y'all support, support, support, support, support, support, support. It is Women History Month, and both of us women are doing amazing. Yeah. Kiki, tell them one more time where they find you. Make sure you spell it because you know so many people slow.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:42

Miss Kiki Kamal on Instagram, uh, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and sometimes it'll be or Kia, Ms. Kiki Kamal. So that's O-R-K-I-Y-A, M-Z-K-I-K-I, K-A-M-A-U.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:57

And don't feel bad if you're dumb. I was once dumb too, but make sure I'ma make sure you're smart tonight. So be that motherfucking smart person and go check my girl out, okay? Mixtape already dropped.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:10

Okay. Jimmy only neck, don't let him leave. Spirit told a cop, let Eric breathe. Even though I got an extra speed, yeah, I let the devil sit in me. I still don't sell seven seeds. Apple street, so I can see what's ahead of me. My flesh made me want to kill home. My spirit tell me I'm still holding my flesh, tell me. My spirit tell me I'm still down.