He’s Not the Prize. You Are (Wake Up) | EP 5

This is your reminder that you’ve been romanticizing someone who barely meets the bare minimum. He’s not the prize. You made him the prize in your head.

This episode is basically a wake up call to detach a little, stand up, and remember who you are — because once you do, the whole dynamic changes besties!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Today's topic is you are too pretty to be acting like this for a man. Boy, we have a lot to get into, so get comfy. Men are always going to disappoint you. If you are chasing and you are obsessed and you just put them on this pedestal, they're always gonna disappoint you. There is never going to be a situation where you are more in love with a man and they don't disappoint you. And that's a fact. I'm willing to fight you on it. I know that there is this joke going around of like men should love their girlfriend more. That's the only way that it works, blah, blah, blah. I feel like that is true. They should want you more. And I'm not saying that in a relationship it's gonna be them constantly, always chasing you, always doing so much. Like it is a push and pull, you know, it's a relationship, obviously. But when you're in a relationship and it's been years and you have a ring on your finger and you're more comfortable with them and you trust them and whatever, still at that point, you cannot look at me and say, my man would never, dot, dot, dot. You can't say that. You don't know that about anybody. At the end of the day, men are out here cheating on their wives when they're about to pop out a baby. Let's be so for real. So don't think that they would never, okay? We're starting this off a little bit negative, but it's just the truth. Let's be so for real right now, it's the truth. A lot of us have been played by a man. And so what we do is when we really like somebody, everything that they say to us, we really want to believe it. It's almost very sweet, okay? It's like you're literally turning a shit show into something that looks more promising because you want to believe that. We're so good at that, believing in somebody's potential. Oh, that's like one of our specialties as women. It's just something that a lot of us have done, like 99% of us have done this. But it's time that you stop. You are too pretty for a man to treat you like you're just an option. I'm not going to live in this negative, low vibrational energy, okay, because of my limiting beliefs and my anxiety and my fear, because all of your fears are just this is just a feeling. Fear is just a feeling, okay? And it's not useful and it does not help. So when you are scared and when you feel fear and when you are experiencing limiting beliefs, you're almost putting it out there. You are quite literally manifesting bad things to come into your reality. So stop doing that. Oh my god, what if he goes to that party and he meets a really pretty girl? What kind of energy is that? Are you kidding? You're putting out the most awful energy out into the universe. It's like a boomerang, okay? You're putting it out. It's gonna come back to you and it's gonna come true. So instead, try this. If the man you like is going out to a party, you know what? I'm kind of annoyed that he's going out to that party because we were supposed to hang out. How about I make some plans, I dress up, I look good, and let's see who I can meet. What if I actually meet someone better? Listen, I'm gonna tell you something, and this is going to be a hot take, okay? I am going to hold your hand and tell you this, and I want you to believe it, and I want you to know it. And I want you to listen to this a million times until you do believe it. You can always find somebody else. Just because this man is amazing, he's fine, he's this, he's that, he ticks all the boxes, whatever. You guys have the same birthday, you guys are so compatible, your brothers are friends. I don't care. I don't care what the situation is. I truly don't. Anybody can be replaced. And I'm not saying it's easy to replace people. Even for me, if you're friends with me, I can be replaced. There's no other one of me, but you can find somebody else that makes you feel loved and happy. And there's 8 billion people in the world, no hard feelings, it's just the truth. So do not make somebody the epicenter of your universe. Remember that there are other people out there for you, and they are so lucky that you've chosen them. They're so lucky that you want to be with them. The same way that yes, you are lucky that they choose you, and that's what makes love beautiful in this world of so many people. You guys choose each other. I think that is absolutely beautiful, and that's what is so special about love. But do not paralyze yourself into believing that this is the only one person in this whole universe for you. That is a really ugly energy. I want you to practice stepping out of that energy. When you start to feel that way, do absolutely anything you can. Listen to one of my videos, journal anything that you can to remove yourself from that experience. Because the truth is, it's like a snowball effect. You are who you hang around with, you are what you interact with, you are what you listen to, you are what you say. So if you keep saying, Oh, I'm just, I'm so ugly, like my skin never gets better, and like I can't lose weight, and this guy doesn't want me, and everybody always dumps me, it's just gonna keep happening. You need to stop. Let's talk about the good things. Okay, I'm gonna start first. I am going to list out some things that I like about myself. And it's gonna sound a little bit vain, but I'm gonna do it. It's something that we all should do. Listen, there's things I don't like about myself, but I'm not gonna think about it right now because these are things I'm working on and I wanna improve. And why ruminate on those thoughts, you know? Ooh, I like my hair. I think I have nice hair. I like when I get a blowout, I think it looks really nice, and I have thick hair and I love my hair. So that's one physical thing. I love that I can talk to people easily. A compliment that I always get is you are so easy to talk to and you're so good at keeping a conversation going. So that's one thing I love about myself. And another thing is I love that I've been focusing on my health and I've been really showing up for myself and going to the gym. So these are all things that are positive that I love about myself. I want you to try because there are so many beautiful, amazing things about you. And I want you to pause this video right now and say it out loud and think about how that makes you feel. Pause the video. Are you done? Okay, let's take a deep breath together. Ready? Three, two, one. Why is that like crack? Like it just not that I've tried crack, but it just feels so good to have a deep breath. Oh my god, it's like feels amazing. Anyway, why did we just do this, you ask? We listed all of these great things about ourselves because I want to remind you, you are actually somebody's dream person. And okay, let's say maybe you're not this guy's dream person because he's not coming correct for you. Okay, the person that you want is not coming correct for you. They're ignoring you, they're not super interested. That obviously sucks, and I'm sorry you're going through that. But the thing is, just because they don't want you doesn't mean that everyone else doesn't want you. It doesn't mean that you're not valuable. Like somebody out there would genuinely look at me and I just would be the complete opposite of their type. I know it. I know it for sure. Like they would be like, that's just not my type. The same way that I might look at them and think the exact same thing. You're not my type. We're not a match. I don't want to date you and you don't want to date me. And so I'm not gonna go home and you know sit in the corner there in the fetal position and be like, oh my god, I there's nothing left for me. Like there's literally nothing left for me, and I hate my life and I hate myself. That is ridiculous. Imagine feeling that way. Oh, we don't have to imagine it. You are feeling that way over someone, and you're too pretty to be feeling that way. You are too valuable, you are too amazing, and it needs to stop. Because the thing is, you are putting this person on a pedestal. Do you know what a lot of us do? We romanticize the what if. The, oh my god, you know, the future could look like this. We could do this, we could do that, we could do this and that together. Him and I. If I could slap you right now, I would slap you. You know why? Because you don't actually know what it would be like if you got in a relationship with this person. You have no idea what it would be like. You don't know what it would feel like for you guys to be in this perfect situation right now. And if it was perfect, you wouldn't be watching this video relating to what I'm saying right now. Like the perfect situation would have you happy and you wouldn't be feeling stressed, your cortisol wouldn't be up. You don't deserve any of this. These are ugly things. This is ugly. When you're sitting there stressed out about somebody, worried about somebody, you got eye bags, you've been crying, you have puffy eyes, like you're stressed, you know what I mean? Like, that is not cute, okay? I need you to care about yourself more than to allow yourself to feel this way. It's not cute. We all get stressed. I get stressed, all of us get stressed, but it's not good for you. It's not good for your body, it's not good for your mind, and it's just doesn't benefit anything. You're telling me in this world of all these beautiful places to travel, all of these amazing people to meet and friends to make and cute guys to date, you are sitting here paralyzing yourself into believing that this one person who's not showing up for you is the only thing in this world that could bring you joy and happiness, you're being ridiculous. I'm gonna slap. You're being insane. You need to stop. You know what? You have to have respect for yourself. So here's an example. If I really like somebody, let me tell you, I'm a little bit insane. I'm insane. Why do you think I give you guys this advice? It's because I understand how you're feeling and I've been there and I've crashed out multiple times over multiple things. Now I don't anymore. Well, rarely, like sometimes I will, if it's something really big in my life and it's like a catastrophe, you know? But even then, 99% of the time, I will clock myself and I will be like, ew, why am I doing this? Why am I stalking this guy's following? Why am I crying about this? Like, I will let myself be sad for 20 minutes and then I'll come and watch a video like this one on YouTube and I just get out of it because I refuse. I'm not gonna waste my life. I'm not gonna sit there thinking these negative, horrible thoughts. It doesn't benefit me. It doesn't help, it doesn't make things any better. I like to be happy. Let me ask you a question. Say it out loud, like I want you to actually answer me. Do you want to be happy? Cool. So if you want to be happy, then why are you sitting here putting this person on a pedestal and losing sleep over them? Another thing that makes you ugly, losing sleep. Why are you losing sleep? You tell me. If you showed me a photo of this person, would I look at you and say, Oh my god, girl, he is the hottest thing that's walked. Would I say that? And I know that looks is just like, you know, subjective and whatever, but I feel like I would look at you and I'd say, okay, sure, but really, like you're actually that stressed over this person who treats you like that and looks like that. Mmm. No, I'm kidding. I'm actually just joking. Like, whatever. You guys can like whoever you want. If you like a troll under a bridge, if you like a prince, I don't care. If he doesn't treat you well, then it's not good enough. It's not good enough for me, doll. So, what I want for you is for you to be so happy that you don't even have to press on a video like this because you're just so over the moon and so in love, and this person never makes you question your worth, never lets you question your worth, okay? So that's what I want for you. You deserve better. You deserve everything. Believe it, okay? I want you to believe that because it's true. Anyway, this was a short pep talk. I really wanted to kind of clog you guys, and I want to make this a series, you know, kind of building up your feminine energy and not chasing men and sort of like dating advice and stuff like that. I really want to talk about it more. So any questions that you have, leave in the comments. I'm gonna answer them. Any ideas you have for videos, let me know. I'm gonna answer them. This video was really fun. I know it was short, but I just wanted a short little pep talk that you guys could listen to whenever you're feeling a type of way about a man because it needs to stop, girls. So I'm gonna put this on Spotify as well as an episode on my Spotify so that you guys can listen to it. And yeah, I hope that you liked today's advice session. I sure loved giving you guys some advice. So I will see you in my next video. I love you so much and take care of yourself. Do not get ugly for a man.