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Tangentz
Finding Joy in the Dirt
We explore the concept of finding joy in life's messy, imperfect moments rather than waiting for ideal conditions. This episode challenges the notion that happiness requires achievement or perfection and introduces the idea that joy can be found in everyday experiences, even during difficult times.
• The problem with "achievement addiction" - constantly postponing joy until after reaching goals
• Gardens as a metaphor for finding joy in the process, not just the perfect end result
• How difficult experiences serve as "emotional compost" that enriches our capacity for growth
• Joy as a form of rebellion against a culture that profits from our insecurities
• The science behind joy - how brief moments of happiness create lasting neural pathways
• "Microjoys" - the small daily moments of happiness we often overlook
• Embracing "unhinged joy" - allowing ourselves to express happiness authentically
• How joy and pain can coexist as part of the complex human experience
• Practical exercises like the "dirt ritual" for grounding yourself and finding everyday joy
• Creating tangible reminders like joy jars, altars, and playlists to cultivate more happiness
Step outside today. Touch some soil, feel the air, smell the rain if it's raining, and see what you notice. You might be surprised by the joy you find.
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Welcome to the Deep Dive. Today we're really getting into something we all seem to be chasing right. Joy, but maybe not the version you always see, like online or in self-help books, that perfect shiny kind.
Speaker 2:Right the curated version.
Speaker 1:Exactly. We're looking at well the messier side of it the gritty stuff. We're using the dirt on joy finding happiness in messy places as our guide.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the whole idea is that maybe joy doesn't just show up when everything's, you know perfect.
Speaker 1:Right. It can pop up even when things feel chaotic or incomplete. Our mission today is kind of unpacking that.
Speaker 2:It's fascinating, isn't it, how much pressure there is this idea that you have to earn joy or wait for it.
Speaker 1:I'll be happy when we all do it.
Speaker 2:I do. It's like happiness is always just over the next hill, tied to some achievement or, I don't know, some ideal situation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like a members-only club for happiness.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and the entry requirements are super high. But what if? Well, what if you can't meet them or don't want to?
Speaker 1:That's where this idea of messy joy gets really interesting, I think.
Speaker 2:It does.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because it challenges that whole premise.
Speaker 1:Totally. It feels like we get hooked on achievement as the only path. The book calls it achievement addiction.
Speaker 2:That term is spot on.
Speaker 1:Get the promotion, run the marathon. Then joy arrives. But what are we missing while we're so focused on the finish line?
Speaker 2:Well, maybe the joy itself, right, the stuff happening right now.
Speaker 1:Could be. Are we maybe mixing up that feeling of accomplishment, which is good, with actual, like deep joy?
Speaker 2:That's a really key colon Achievement. Feels good, sure, pride satisfaction, but maybe real joy needs something else.
Speaker 1:Like what Space?
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe space, less pressure. It doesn't seem to thrive under like rigid conditions. It pops up.
Speaker 1:It's funny how we set these rules for ourselves. I can only be happy if X, y and Z happen.
Speaker 2:Without even realizing it sometimes.
Speaker 1:So this brings us to that gardening analogy in the source. I love this part.
Speaker 2:Me too. It's such a good metaphor.
Speaker 1:It's not about the pristine, weed-free, perfect flowerbed. It's about the process, right? Uh-huh, getting your hands dirty.
Speaker 2:Literally the sweat, the unexpected pests, the sheer effort of things growing. Yeah, the joy isn't necessarily in the flawless end result, but in the messy, ongoing thing, the interaction.
Speaker 1:Such a great parallel for life. We wait for perfect conditions.
Speaker 2:But maybe the joy is in dealing with the imperfect stuff, like the plant pushing through the dirt.
Speaker 1:Exactly, we keep putting joy off thinking later, when things settle down.
Speaker 2:But the garden doesn't wait for perfect weather, does it? Growth happens anyway, weeds and all.
Speaker 1:So maybe we don't need a spotless life to feel joy.
Speaker 2:Probably not. Maybe it's more about just being in it, doing the daily, tending, even the boring bits, finding something there.
Speaker 1:And speaking of maybe less appealing stuff, emotional compost. What did you make of that idea?
Speaker 2:Oh, that's powerful the idea that the hard things breakups, job losses, panic attacks, whatever it is for you they aren't just obstacles to get past and forget. They actually enrich the soil of who we are. They contribute.
Speaker 1:Like fertilizer almost.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What for your soul?
Speaker 2:Kind of, yeah, it shifts how you see those tough times. They're not just bad, they're part of your growth.
Speaker 1:And there's a kind of joy in looking back, isn't there, seeing how far you've come.
Speaker 2:A huge amount and maybe I learned something that recognition is a form of joy, deep joy.
Speaker 1:Okay, so then the source takes a turn towards joy as well almost rebellion. Yes, I like that framing In a world that's constantly telling you you're not enough, you need this product, you need that experience.
Speaker 2:Profiting from our insecurities. Basically.
Speaker 1:Choosing joy in the simple, maybe even scrappy things feels liberating, like you're pushing back.
Speaker 2:Totally Think about the examples they give, like finding a treasure in a thrift store.
Speaker 1:Or that uncontrollable, maybe slightly embarrassing ugly laugh.
Speaker 2:Yes, or just belting out a song you love, totally off key. These aren't things you buy or schedule.
Speaker 1:It just happened. They're not dictated by trends.
Speaker 2:Exactly, it's like reclaiming your right to feel good right now, just as you are messy and all. It's a quiet kind of defiance.
Speaker 1:Let's unpack the psychology a bit. The source makes a distinction between happiness and joy.
Speaker 2:Right, which is helpful.
Speaker 1:Happiness is maybe more like a general sense of contentment right.
Speaker 2:You're like a baseline feeling.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like a sustained warm feeling, whereas joy. Joy is often described as more intense, but maybe shorter bursts.
Speaker 2:Like flashes of light.
Speaker 1:That's a good way to put it Like a sudden sunbeam. Think about when it hits you.
Speaker 2:Okay, like hearing your favorite song totally unexpectedly.
Speaker 1:Yes, or seeing someone do something unexpectedly kind.
Speaker 2:Or going back to the garden seeing that first little sprout pop up.
Speaker 1:Exactly. They often catch you by surprise, which kind of amps up the feeling.
Speaker 2:And there's brain chemistry involved too. Right when we feel that joy. Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1:You get that rush of dopamine, oxytocin, the feel-good chemicals.
Speaker 2:But it's not just a quick hit and it's gone.
Speaker 1:Well, the feeling might be brief, but the effect can be longer lasting. That's the neuroplasticity part.
Speaker 2:Oh, ok, explain that a bit. So basically, every time you experience joy, you're strengthening the pathways in your brain associated with positive emotions.
Speaker 1:Like building a muscle.
Speaker 2:Sort of You're training your brain, making it more likely to notice and experience joy again. You become more attuned to connection, hope, good things.
Speaker 1:Even with small doses.
Speaker 2:Especially with small, consistent doses, which leads perfectly into the idea of Microjoys. Yeah, we get so caught up waiting for the big fireworks moment.
Speaker 1:The wedding, the dream job, the lottery win.
Speaker 2:Right and we completely miss all the little sparks happening all day long.
Speaker 1:Like what? Specifically Give us some examples.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, that first sip of coffee in the morning, that feeling.
Speaker 1:Definitely a joy.
Speaker 2:Or climbing into bed with fresh, clean sheets.
Speaker 1:Simple, but so good.
Speaker 2:A stranger holding a door open with a genuine smile, Untangling a really annoying knot seeing a new leaf on your house plant.
Speaker 1:Okay, I get it Tiny things.
Speaker 2:Tiny things, but the source calls them daily evidence of, like the magic that's still around if you look.
Speaker 1:And it encourages us not just to notice them, but to embrace what it calls unhinged joy, which sounds fun.
Speaker 2:It sounds, doesn't it? It's about letting go of being so controlled, so curated in how we express happiness, like being a bit wild with it. Yeah, giving yourself permission to just feel it fully, without worrying if it looks silly or if it's appropriate.
Speaker 1:So singing off key in the shower counts.
Speaker 2:Totally Wearing, mismatched socks, just because they make you smile.
Speaker 1:Getting way too excited about finding the perfect avocado.
Speaker 2:Yes, exactly that. Laughing loudly at dumb memes. It's basically saying my joy doesn't need justification, it just is.
Speaker 1:That feels important, especially because life isn't always joyful, which brings us to a tough point Joy and pain coexisting.
Speaker 2:That's crucial.
Speaker 1:The source makes it clear Feeling joy when you're also grieving or healing or just going through a hard time, it's not betrayal.
Speaker 2:Absolutely not.
Speaker 1:It's resilience it shows the complexity of being human. You can feel deep sadness and also laugh at something absurd five minutes later.
Speaker 2:Precisely. Joy isn't about pretending the pain isn't there. It's like a light that can still flicker, even when things are really dark.
Speaker 1:It's that realization, maybe, that, despite everything, you're still here.
Speaker 2:Yes, still feeling, still capable of connection, of laughter, and that itself, as the source says, is profound, worth acknowledging, celebrating even.
Speaker 1:So how do we connect with this more grounded, everyday kind of joy? The source has a practical exercise the dirt ritual.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's beautifully simple Grounding, Literally.
Speaker 1:Tell us about it. How does it work?
Speaker 2:You just find some soil, garden house. Plant a park, doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And you hold it, really, feel it, the texture, the temperature, maybe smell it. Get connected to it Exactly Take a few deep breaths, just be present for a moment, and then you just gently ask yourself what joy is waiting for me today.
Speaker 1:Do you need an answer right away?
Speaker 2:No, not at all. It's not about forcing anything, just being open, Noticing what comes up a feeling, a memory, an idea.
Speaker 1:And the soil itself is symbolic, right yeah hugely.
Speaker 2:It represents grounding life potential.
Speaker 1:all that growth happening underground, unseen, A reminder that things can be growing even when we don't see immediate results on the surface.
Speaker 2:Precisely Potential for new beginnings right there in your hands.
Speaker 1:Finally, the source emphasizes that joy isn't just passive. It's something you can cultivate, a practice.
Speaker 2:Right, it's not just waiting for lightning to strike. You can actively nurture it.
Speaker 1:How it suggests things like weekly joy prompts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just taking a moment each week to think about what made you smile unexpectedly. When did you feel really present? What small thing are you looking forward to?
Speaker 1:It's like training your attention.
Speaker 2:It really is Shifting your focus deliberately towards the good, even if it's small.
Speaker 1:And there are other practical ideas too, like a joy jar.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. Or a joy altar, or a joy playlist.
Speaker 1:Simple things. Let's point to those.
Speaker 2:They're just tangible reminders. You write down happy moments for the jar. You gather objects that make you feel good for the altar. The playlist lifts your mood.
Speaker 1:So it's not about faking happiness.
Speaker 2:Not at all. It's about acknowledging the joy that does exist and making conscious space for more of it. They act like little anchors.
Speaker 1:Reminders, especially on tough days.
Speaker 2:Exactly Little boosts of perspective.
Speaker 1:Okay, so, wrapping up this deep dive, the core message seems pretty clear Joy isn't about waiting for perfection.
Speaker 2:Not at all. It's about presence, noticing curiosity.
Speaker 1:Finding those glimmers, especially when life feels messy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, letting go of that need to constantly earn it.
Speaker 1:And just experiencing it like breathing Just like breathing, allow it in spontaneously, freely. So a final thought for you to consider, building on that dirt ritual idea, think about your own underground growth. What hidden potential, what unexpected joy might be waiting just beneath the surface for you.
Speaker 2:And maybe, maybe just step outside for a minute today. Touch some soil, feel the air, smell the rain. If it's raining, see what you notice. You might be surprised.
