Summit Pointe Podcast
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Holiday Recovery Made Doable
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Holiday parties can feel like a minefield when you’re newly sober. The music’s loud, the bar is open, and every familiar face seems to remember a version of you that doesn’t fit anymore.
In this episode, Summit Pointe Recovery Coaches, John and Tracie, share the practical toolkit they trust: exit plans, code words, grounding techniques, and the core values that keep your footing when pressure rises.
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Summit Pointe Podcast 94 is a Livemic Communications production.
Summit Pointe, the Behavioral Health Authority in Calhoun County, Michigan, is pioneering Community Mental Health Services by developing innovative ideas and community partnerships that lead to high-quality care and a healthy community.
I'm Richard Pyatt. Welcome back to the Summit Point Podcast. Summit Point, the Behavioral Health Authority in Calhoun County, Michigan, Battle Creek, and surrounding areas. We invite you to subscribe to this podcast where you get them, your favorite place for them. We're there. Just look for Summit Point with an E, point with an E-P-O-I-N-T-E, and we invite you to subscribe. We've done a number of episodes, and here's another one on a very useful subject, and they usually are. Recovery during the holidays is our focus this time. And really, we say holidays, but anytime there's a celebration where there might be uh challenges, temptations, etc. John and Tracy are both recovery coaches at Summit Point and join us today to talk about that. Welcome to you both. Hello. Hello.
SPEAKER_02:Glad to be here.
SPEAKER_00:Well, thank you. So when you talk about recovery and the holidays, trying to navigate this process, just some overall thoughts to get started. What crosses your mind, both of you? Anybody wants to start?
SPEAKER_02:Well, I think it's both daunting and exciting for those in recovery. It's a very raw feeling. And a lot of people in early recovery are dealing with emotions and being in social settings, which can be quite daunting because of the social anxiety and being accepted and being exposed to different things, you know, alcohol arguments, things that may have triggered you in the past that would lead you to your drug of choice or what have you. So I think it's going to be a little different for everybody, but some of the things we'll talk about, I believe, are uh pretty relevant.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And do I get from that, Tracy, that perhaps early on, that daunting feeling is present. But as you learn to navigate this, that relents a little bit. Is that fair?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it does. Uh, like I said, in early in my recovery, it was, I think, with my family, even they were kind of not walking on eggshells, but it's just like, just do what you guys do. It's okay. I'm the one that's got to deal with trying to separate myself or not, you know, step out of the room for a little bit. But yeah, it's it can be.
SPEAKER_00:That could present more pressure, does it not, John? The notion that okay, I want to make everybody else feel okay while I'm navigating my own steps here.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, it absolutely does. And trying to help somebody, you know, I thought it was nuts when I was talking to other people in recovery on how they would deal with the initial, you know, reintroducing yourself to the family. He said, You got to have a plan, you got to have an exit plan. And I said, What does that mean? And he explained to me, he said, you need to drive separate, you need to find a room that's going to be quiet for you to gather yourself and have some grounding techniques that's going to help you stay focused and present for that party. And he ended it with telling me, which I carried it with him forever, it's okay to leave, right? You know, excuse yourself and things like that. Because when you're early in recovery and you're going to your first Christmas get-together, you are stressed to the max, usually, right? Everybody knows that we always think they know the addict side of us or something like that, but we're coming out of a rehab or a whatever recovery we're in, and it's raw, it is. And you're, you know, the emotions themselves are overwhelming. But yeah, having an exit plan, like Trace said too. I mean, it's important to know that it's okay to excuse yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, we want to try to be, I presume, everything we were before. And with all eyes on us, we want to feel like uh we're in charge, we're okay. We want to convey that, but it's okay for that to be for a limited time only, right, Tracy? Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. So you might feel a little awkward in that early recovery stage when this is going on, but there are benchmarks that as you you get your uh, I don't know, sea legs, is that the phrase? You get a little more used to this. How is it different?
SPEAKER_02:I think I you know, I I kind of narrow it down to a time frame. I think, you know, zero to six months, you're socially awkward, everything's very uncomfortable. But as you progress in your recovery and your therapy or your classes or whatever you do, and you get to that one to three year mark, you're like, okay, now I have some basic core principles. I have a bit of a backbone. I know it's okay to be vulnerable. And, you know, you learn these things to handle you know the anxiety and the things like that. So absolutely, time does play a big role in how you are around loved ones or friends during the holidays. It does get easier, but my own experience, I was very, very socially I it I was terrified. I was, and uh, it took it took about a year and a half for me to be okay with not being okay, if that makes sense. Kind of sharing with my loved ones because you do feel like all eyes are on you, which they probably are, but you are still healing also, and it's important to remember that. And it's okay to voice that to your loved ones once you feel comfortable doing so.
SPEAKER_01:100%. I I mean, it was just as John said, just in that new playground, your new normal. And when you have at least that one loved one that's been with you through the whole thing that's seen everything. And I think we developed like a code word. Like I think mine was uh Coke Zero for the longest time. And everybody in the at our get togethers going, oh yeah, they're in the fridge, deuces, you know, and then you know, I'd walk to the other room or whatever, or even as John said, you drive separate and you go, I'm gonna go out and get a Coke Zero. And it gives you the leave of getting out of there and stuff. So yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That's an interesting thing. So it allows you to foster a situation where someone would say, Oh, yeah, you can go over there, and then it gives you a chance to have a timeout.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Now you talked about personal core values. Elaborate on what that means and how people do that and how it helps.
SPEAKER_02:Well, uh, the the core values is to me, it's it's what you learn throughout your recovery journey, right? Like it's okay to say no. I do, my opinion does matter. It's okay, like I said, to not be okay. You have to work off of those things that you're learning to build again. So I think establishing that, like you know, it's kind of hard, but it's different for everybody, but your core values are what you are basing your, I guess you could say, new outlook on life as or whatever. But to know that it's okay to say no, to know that you can leave if you want to. And it's okay to look at people to just realize I'm okay to not be okay and I can leave if I want to. Yeah, and expressing your feelings over time, it does it gets easier and it's better. And and your family, or like my family, they respect me. You know, you can celebrate, bring your drinks, have a great time now. I you know, I've been sober 10 years, they do drink or have whatever they're having a great time, but they know where I'm at, they know what values I have, and they ask me, Hey, do you mind if we do this? And I love that, but that's what I built with them over the years was that core principle of it did bother me at first, I'll excuse myself if I have to. And it was just neat to see because I started my recovery like that. That respect carried into the the rest of the years that I've been with my family.
SPEAKER_00:So wow, that's a fair amount of work. You're you're trying to navigate your own situation while also helping people navigate it with you. Absolutely, and that is tough. Yeah, so uh, Tracy, offer your view on that. Uh core values personally. This helps you when the usual festivities are going on around you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And in fact, I just had a conversation yesterday with one of my uh customers that they're nervous about the holidays coming up. This is gonna be, I think, their second one being sober. And I gave them kind of my what I my core values are, and they're a lot like John's, just where your family and your friends and friends outside of even work here that have known me for so long. And when I excuse myself or I have that safe area, and I just shared those cores with them and and with this particular person, they actually sat there and wrote notes. And I said, if you want to write notes, that's good. But this is a smart person that they'll do, and I do this a lot, and John's gonna laugh. I do five scenarios for anything that I do.
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely. She does.
SPEAKER_01:And with this person, they have the same scenario. So, in fact, they texted me this morning they and they showed me their pie chart to the whole branch of everything. And I'm like, oh my goodness gracious. But they were laughing the whole time. But they gave me their main goal of how they were gonna get out of there if they felt the pressure. And and I just basically said, don't put yourself in a spot where you have to overexplain yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:And if you overexplain, then you start overthinking, and then you start doubting between sobriety and everything else, where I go, don't go in that hole where you're, you know, not that I'm saying this is where you shake back and forth going, what did I just do? Don't overthink it. But yeah, just the basic core values.
SPEAKER_00:So when you say five scenarios, those are five, prepare yourself for five things that might happen or five ways I can exit, or what does that mean?
SPEAKER_01:So with my previous job before I started here, I was a police dispatcher and did that for a very long time. And with that job, you have to have those scenarios going to certain calls on top of our officers to firemen. So when I got hired here and I sit there and I think of just five scenarios from the best, the absolutely best of the fairy tale land of how everything's gonna happen down to the worst. And usually mine just kind of fall right in the middle. But I do, I have those scenarios all the time where I'm always thinking the wheels in my head are churning all the time. And that's just the way I've operated. And I don't overthink it, but I have that just those five values of it. And it's just funny.
SPEAKER_02:It works.
SPEAKER_01:It works. Where he'll look at me one time going, why am I not surprised? You know, stuff like that. But but that's just how I do things. If it's a big, huge thing, if it could be from from my old job or just for this job, or even just outside personal stuff, you know, of moving a couch or moving things from one house to another. That's just how how elaborate I get on it.
SPEAKER_00:Well, this makes sense. It's like muscle memory, right? You say, okay, here's five ways this could happen, and here's five ways I'm gonna handle it depending on the situation. Absolutely. And you don't spend time, I don't know, I'm gonna say like a deer in the headlights or something, when something happens and you have to stop and think about, okay, well, how do I handle this?
SPEAKER_02:You already've already played it through.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Wow, this is good advice. You've done this too, John. It sounds like yep, similar.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, for sure. But it does get easier. If if nothing else, you know, whether you're one day in recovery or 50 years, it gets easier. You can enjoy life, and you got it. That's another piece that people don't really get, is that you don't really know you feel like everyone's gonna judge you, so you don't feel like you deserve to have a good time or that how you feel really matters. That's what I want to stress. It does matter, you do matter, and being present for your family is all they ever wanted to begin with, and you being there is a blessing. So, if nothing else, remember that you are there because at one time I'm sure that many can relate that they didn't think we would be, and they're glad you are there. Absolutely, I like to think so.
SPEAKER_00:I really want to expand on this idea about it gets easier, right? So, is there a risk that as it gets easier we sort of uh take our foot off the gas on on our core values and we don't run our five scenarios and our exit plan? We start getting a little lax about this.
SPEAKER_02:I say no, no, nope, okay. Um, if nothing else, they cement themselves a little bit better. However, with those values, you navigate a little bit different. I don't put myself in social circles or events where I have to even be vulnerable at this point, right? I don't have to do that. I can let these people know via card or email or whatever that I appreciate the invite, but I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't feel obligated to do anything, right? Over time, that's where that went. And letting my foot off the gas, I just honestly, I just don't put myself in risky situations.
SPEAKER_00:I just don't. And that comes with experience. Absolutely. It really does. Yeah. Tracy, what do you think about that? You probably uh see that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I absolutely agree with John because even at this job that I'm at now, or even my old job, I'm always learning every day. Do things surprise me? And I'm sometimes no, and I just shake my head. But no, you don't put yourself in those situations where you're gonna have to question.
SPEAKER_00:And you recognize them more readily. Oh, yes, absolutely. Yes, yeah. Now let's talk for a second about someone who does use the exit strategy, right? They go, they have their five scenarios and their five responses or more, maybe, to uh any one of those. They end up having to employ one of those. Okay, time out. I gotta go. Coke zero. I'm out. Yeah. How does that affect a person going forward? And how should they process that afterward? Is this a bigger deal, or do we just say, nope, this is the way it's supposed to work? And it did.
SPEAKER_02:I think it's huge. It is very uncomfortable to do that. It is again, it's not easy because you worry about offending someone or they're gonna think different of me, or I disappear, they're gonna think I'm drinking, and so you it's very uncomfortable to utilize that skill or whatever you know, party you you're gonna use to get out of there. But you also gotta have somebody that you can contact to. Okay. You're gonna make sure you get where you got to be. However, you're still alone, you still may feel vulnerable. So reach out to a friend or a sponsor or a grandma. I don't know, but to let them know, look, I did leave. This is it, I'm okay, I'm going home.
SPEAKER_00:And that might be all it takes. Yes, sir. So, Tracy, when you're working with customers and they come to you and say, Yeah, I did the exit, what are you wanting to convey to them in a helpful way after that to help them process it, other than maybe the call they made to grandma or the sponsor?
SPEAKER_01:Right. And it's always text or call somebody when you're leaving that place just to let that person know, hey, I did okay, or hey, I did have to leave because I might have been triggered by something. But even now, when I'm leaving, whether it'd been like a wedding or a get-together or exfunction, I do have that one person where I call. And with that person calling you, or even myself, sometimes that person feels bad, like, oh, I think I hurt their feelings. No, because you had that one person probably there that knew that you were going to leave and you used a code word or you, you know, you tipped a hat or something like that. I said, just talk to that person later. And I bet you they're gonna say, no, we understand. We totally understand. But again, with our past and everything else, do you overthink? Yeah, you're gonna overthink a little bit. But then again, you have that person on the side telling you, it's okay, it's all right. This is why you had these plans all set up or the scenarios.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So does that affect how a person in recovery feels about their progress if they use the quick exit? Do they look at that and then say, Boy, you know, I feel like I had a setback, but they really didn't, did they?
SPEAKER_01:No, they didn't. Not at all. I mean, it's it's them working through their new normal.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and you got to remember myself. Again, I I was trying to live a life without something, without a substance. Your feelings are raw. The people you're around, they knew your pat. I mean, so you're it's so hard to just let yourself know it's you're okay to get out when you can. It's and you do worry about everybody that's there, that they're gonna think something, but again, it gets better with time, and you realize that you know what, I did what I had to do because my recovery is the most important thing in my life. Without that, I wouldn't even be at this party.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, boy, let that uh linger a second and sink in and listen to this again if you need to. And uh, you're off to a holiday party or some other kind of celebration. And uh this advice comes from those who know. John and Tracy are recovery coaches at Summit Point and offer these great insights as uh perhaps you're off to your first holiday celebration or a celebration of some kind, or maybe your hundred and first, it applies. Thanks to you both for this.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you. Thank you, Tracy.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you, John.
SPEAKER_00:Working at Summit Point means you're not just part of a team, you're joining a mission. We make a meaningful difference every day in the lives of those we serve. If you're looking for a workplace where your voice is valued, your growth is supported, and your work has purpose, you've found the right place. Check out the Careers page on the Summit Point website. The link is in the show notes.