Holding Steady in a Shifting World

What do you get when you mix an American expat living in Canada, a lifelong Canadian, and a global identity crisis?

You get this conversation—a raw, honest, and deeply human exploration of what it means to find your footing when the world feels anything but steady.

In this episode of The Empowered and Embodied Show, Kim and Louise reflect on the personal and collective impact of nationalism, nervous system dysregulation, and the weight of staying informed in a world that just. won’t. stop.

Together, they unpack what it’s like to live between countries, cultures, and conversations, while still holding space for clients, community, and their own capacity.

This one’s for anyone who’s ever felt wobbly, wired, or just plain worn out by it all. Because when the ground beneath you is shifting, knowing who you are—and how to return to yourself—is everything.

“This isn’t about nationalism—it’s about nervous systems. And ours are tapped the hell out.” – Kim Romain

“Community isn’t just nice to have—it’s how we survive the storm without losing ourselves in it.” – Louise Neil

Key Takeaways:

• Why “How are you?” is a loaded question in today’s world
• The emotional toll of national identity and why it feels different now
• Living across borders: identity, belonging, and grief
• Strategies for grounding yourself when the external chaos ramps up
• Why community and shared humanity are our greatest tools right now
• How embodied awareness supports nervous system health and resilience
• The invitation to notice, feel, and respond (instead of react)

Key Moments:

00:00 – Welcome to the Empowered & Embodied Show
01:38 – What “fine” really means right now
03:13 – Feeling out of place across borders
10:36 – “I can’t turn it off”—the emotional toll of staying informed
13:51 – Disillusionment and duty: the inner burden of global awareness
17:08 – Quiet vs. loud nationalism: Canada and the U.S.
21:13 – Identity grief & the unraveling of once-held symbols
28:19 – “The call is coming from inside the house”
31:55 – Finding common ground through shared humanity
34:03 – Grounding practices for nervous system regulation
42:17 – You are the grown-up in the room—now what?
43:51 – Cosmic shifts, personal alignment, and embodied awareness
47:03 – Offerings, reflections, and wrap-up

Join a circle of changemakers committed to leading with purpose, presence and ease inside Kim's Rising Visionaries community and mentorship program.

Reclaim your career and confidence during midlife through Louise's Rise & Redefine program.

Transcript

The Empowered & Embodied Show

Episode 156: Holding Steady in a Shifting World

Hosts: Kim Romain & Louise Neil

Release Date: April 22, 2025

Intro (00:00)

Kim Romain (01:38)

Well, hello, hello, hello everybody. Welcome back to another episode of The Empowered & Embodied Show. I am one of your hosts, Kim Romain, joined as always by my co-host…

Louise Neil (01:48)

That’s me! I’m Louise! Hi everyone!

Kim Romain (01:56)

Louise, how are you doing today?

Louise Neil (01:59)

I'm doing okay. I would have to say the course is steady. The boat is not taking on water today.

Kim Romain (02:13)

This is good. Yeah. I feel like that’s such a loaded question these days.

Louise Neil (02:14)

It sure is.

Kim Romain (02:23)

I don't know about you, but when I meet somebody new and I’m like, “So how are you doing?”—they pause. I don't think they know how to answer. I don’t think those of us who know each other know how to answer.

Louise Neil (02:36)

A real answer—because, you know, there’s those artificial like, “Yeah, I’m fine.” But even in that word fine, you can start to hear—people aren't particularly fine these days.

Kim Romain (02:50)

Yeah. So we're both in Canada, but I'm not a Canadian. I'm an honorary, temporary Canadian. I'd like it to be permanent, so let’s put a good word in with Mark and see if Mr. Carney can speed that up for me. Trying hard. But yeah, we both live on this side of the border.

Louise Neil (03:13)

Mm-hmm.

Kim Romain (03:13)

Yet many of—at least I know—most of my clients are on the other side of the border, where my family and friends are. Like, most of my family and friends.

Louise Neil (03:27)

Yeah. I have a good portion of clientele that is south. And it's interesting—there are very interesting conversations that are happening right now. For sure. Because we're in interesting times.

Kim Romain (03:33)

We are. I'm not one to say the word unprecedented because we're always in unprecedented times. Like, where was the precedent set? But this is a time like we've never experienced in our lifetimes before. And it feels unsettling.

Louise Neil (04:06)

It does. I use that word a lot. You could have a drinking game if you’re listening to this with your friends, because I think that word is going to come up a lot. I’m finding that with the current external situation that’s happening, I am discovering things about myself that I didn’t know before.

Like—we’ve talked about this before, Kim—when somebody kicks sand in the sandbox, you start to say, “Hey, I don’t like that,” or “Hey, I don't like sand in my face or in my underwear or wherever,” right? It starts to feel pretty uncomfortable. And instead of just playing in your own corner or letting everybody play in the sandbox, it’s actually starting to interfere with how I’m playing, and what I’m doing, and how I’m thinking about myself. It’s interesting.

Kim Romain (05:17)

Yeah. It’s interesting. Yeah.

I went last week to an in-person networking event here—literally knew nobody in the room. And I wasn’t hiding that I’m not Canadian. I wasn’t hiding that I’m American. That would be disingenuous. But I wasn’t offering it up.

Louise Neil (05:52)

So you didn’t walk in with your flag t-shirt on or some red, white, and blue?

Kim Romain (05:57)

I was not waving my flags. I don't even think I have a U.S. flag, to be quite honest. I have Canadian flags. I don’t know that I have a U.S. flag. In fact, I know I don’t.

And this is coming from a person who has never been—not only not in tune with, but like—anti-nationalism. It’s something that has rubbed me the wrong way my entire life.

I’m standing there, and we’re having a conversation, and a couple of women overheard that I had done work with—or that I do work with—nonprofits. And they asked which ones. And I said, “Well, they’re out of province.” And they asked, “Was it in Ontario?” And I said, “No, in Chicago.” And they said, “Oh, well, we don’t know any nonprofits in Chicago.”

Then I could feel everybody holding their breath for a second. “Okay, we have a maybe-American in our midst. What do we do?” And I could feel it. And it made me feel really, really sad. Because—talk about unprecedented—that’s not what I’ve ever known, being in Canada. I’ve never felt out of place as an American here.

They asked me questions like, “Do you like it here?” And I’m like, “Yes, I love it here.” They had all sorts of questions. And I could see they were as uncomfortable as I was. We got through it—it was a lovely conversation—but it was so interesting, because just being in a room as an American living in Canada feels different now.

Louise Neil (09:04)

Yeah.

Kim Romain (09:06)

So talk about that sandbox thing, right? I’m not even in my quote-unquote sandbox. Yes, I’m an American citizen—but what does that mean? It means I happened to be born in that country. As far as I’m concerned, that’s what it means. It doesn’t mean anything else.

Louise Neil (09:27)

Really starting to question what it feels like to be an American. What it means to be an American.

Kim Romain (09:34)

Yeah. I’ve known about the privilege of growing up in the United States—there’s a lot that came with that—but it has been so challenging to my nervous system to try and navigate the last several months.

Between traveling between here and there—who needs to see what, who needs what—I don’t love dealing with authorities anyway. Border crossings always made me nervous. And now it’s really uncomfortable. Like seriously, my nervous system is completely janky any time I need to go back and forth.

And you haven’t been back into the States. You went last summer?

Louise Neil (10:13)

I have not. I’ve changed a lot of my plans for this coming summer and fall and even next winter. And it’s changed my business model—what conferences I’m going to, where I’m speaking. It’s not in the U.S.

I still support a lot of my clients—who are amazing, wonderful people and who are struggling a lot right now with the things that are going on. It’s fascinating to me to hear about this “America” that’s on the news. And it’s super impactful to me as a Canadian.

Yet the people on an individual basis—who I’m talking to—are really, really struggling with the same things I’m struggling with… just in a really different way.

Kim Romain (11:43)

You were talking to me about a client of yours when we started thinking about the conversation we wanted to have today. Do you want to share just a little bit about what that conversation was like?

Louise Neil (11:50)

Yeah. It was interesting, and I wanted to talk to you a little bit about it because I feel very differently about this situation that’s going on. I feel very differently about maybe my country. Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know. I feel differently about my country now than I did six months ago. But there's maybe a maple leaf tattoo in my future, let’s just say.

And so my client was carrying this cognitive load—this noise and static that pulls our attention away. They’re constantly checking in on their phone, very distracted, very upset. And they said, “I can’t turn it off.”

I asked, “Why not?”

And they said, “It’s my duty to be putting my voice and my reasonableness into the ring. It’s my duty to be vocal about what’s wrong with the situation and how to make it right. When I don’t do it, it feels very disingenuous.”

So for them, disconnecting felt completely disingenuous. And I thought—wow. That’s a lot of shit to carry that you didn’t have to carry before.

Kim Romain (13:51)

And yet we did. So now I’m going to speak from that place of—yeah, I’m living here, but I spent 50 years living in the States. And whether or not we know we’re carrying it, we were already carrying it.

Not everybody. A lot of people are disillusioned—at least 30% of the country, I’d say. So maybe they’re not carrying it, and that’s okay. But I know myself, and many—if not all—of my clients… there’s this duty. I need to be informed. I need to know what’s happening in my country so I can do what I am able to do.

I don’t know if it’s just baked into our American DNA. But it hasn’t historically mattered what side of the aisle you’re on—there’s just this sense of duty. And again, this is coming from someone who has never felt aligned with nationalism of any kind.

Did I enjoy Fourth of July parades? Sure. Love fireworks. But it wasn’t flag-waving time for me.

And yet I know—coming here—my experience with the politics of my country is very different than anybody I’ve met here with the politics of this country. And there was always a carrying. We were always carrying it there.

Carrying, “What do we need to do for our community, our state, our country?” It could be in the back of our minds, but we knew we had a duty.

And now it’s like… yeah, I guess I still have that, but nothing is happening the way that it “should.” It’s all happening so out of alignment with everything Americans know to be true, that it feels so disorienting. There’s a heavier load now.

Louise Neil (17:08)

Yeah. Well, here—as a Canadian—and I’m speaking from my experience and the people I know, it’s very different. We kind of hold this quiet nationalism. We’re really proud of our reputation globally, but we’re not loudly proud. It’s very quiet.

Except lately.

Now we talk about it all the time. What does it mean to be Canadian? How do we support and love one another across this very diverse country?

It’s fascinating to see people with Canadian flags on their porch. Like, what the hell is that? Especially in Quebec!

Kim Romain (18:40)

Especially here in Quebec! In three and a half years here, I’ve maybe seen a few Canadian flags—mostly at schools. It’s always the Quebec flag. Now, driving down the street? They’ve got flags on their cars. What is happening?

Louise Neil (19:04)

Is there another envoy approaching Ottawa? Like, what’s going on here?

Kim Romain (19:13)

What’s so fascinating is how quickly the flag got reclaimed. People had turned away from it after that convoy.

And I feel that with the U.S. flag too. People I know—who were proud to fly it—are now saying, “I don’t know if I want to do this anymore.”

And I get how that hurts them. I understand.

But it’s so funny… for me, people clinging to the flag, clinging to the ideals of what America has always been—it feels…

Louise Neil (20:06)

Sad?

Kim Romain (20:06)

Yeah. It feels sad. Because it’s almost like—I’m living between two worlds here, and I recognize the privilege in doing that. But being here in Canada, where there’s clear pride—Quebec pride is different, of course—but the pride of both is held relatively loosely. That’s not the experience I had in the States, where people hold on to nationalist pride so tightly.

And the thing that makes me sad is how not only fearful and disillusioned people are—but how this thing they held in such high esteem is no longer what they expected it to be, or what they needed it to be.

Louise Neil (21:03)

Mm-hmm.

Kim Romain (21:13)

The sadness… the emptiness I feel from people I care deeply about—it’s affecting them on a level that I see them shutting down. And I don’t know if that’s what you’ve experienced with some of your clients too?

Louise Neil (22:33)

Yeah. Very much.

We’re feeling wobbly right now—regardless of what side of the border you’re on. That wobbliness shows up in different ways. People are extremely concerned—about health care, about finances, about their families and loved ones. This isn’t just hitting pocketbooks—it goes deeper than that.

And folks don’t know how to get back on solid ground, or even where to take the next step because they can barely stand up. It’s so wobbly.

Here in Canada, I feel like we’re able to come together in a way that helps support us. It’s like, “You can’t kick sand at us—no way.” That nationalism is becoming the glue.

It’s like what happens here during a snowstorm or an ice storm. Everything gets shut down… but when it’s over, the sun comes out, and you go to your neighbor and say, “Can you believe what we just went through?” There’s a little euphoria. We did a hard thing, and we did it together.

This feels like that.

An external force has stormed into our neighborhoods and is rattling our windows. But we’re saying, “No. That’s not going to happen here.” And we’ll do whatever it takes to make sure it doesn’t.

Kim Romain (26:48)

And watching my friends and family—very close family, my husband included—who used to feel that way, like the flag holds us together, this is who we are... it’s maybe the flag, maybe something else. But it’s that sense of nationalism, that sense of community within your country, right?

The call is coming from inside the house.

I think that’s the scary part. Saying, “Wait, I’m still here. I still love this thing that has held us together.” We’re all in the same house, but we’re not. Because the call is coming from inside the house. And that’s really disconcerting.

Louise Neil (27:23)

Yeah.

Kim Romain (27:49)

And yet, for me, if we step outside—and I think for a lot of people—if we step outside, what’s the symbol that’s going to bind us together? And we find our communities—locally, virtually, globally—however we find them… and connect heart to heart.

That’s where we can start to weather the storm in a way that doesn’t feel like we’re just gritting and getting through it. Because frankly, this is a big fucking storm. It’s not going to be done in five days.

Louise Neil (28:35)

No. Yeah.

Kim Romain (28:44)

I love—so true to Canadian form—it’s “interesting” and “wobbly,” and I’m over here like, “It’s fucked up.”

Louise Neil (28:51)

Hahaha!

Kim Romain (28:54)

Who’s the American?

Louise Neil (28:55)

But it is! One of the ways I’m finding I can navigate all this is being fascinated by people’s experiences. What are they going through? What’s their point of view? I don’t know what I’m doing with that—it’s just knowledge. Just data.

And through that curiosity, I think comes connection. Because it’s very non-judgmental. I just want to know how you’re doing, what’s going on, and how you’re navigating these really unprecedented times—in our lifetimes, anyway.

Through that curiosity, I feel more grounded. Because I see that there are these common threads. We’re all struggling—together. And through that comes solidarity.

Community has been really big for me too. In-person community. Finding people local to share the burden with. That’s been really important.

And I’m also one that can tune out the news. I’m very good at it. I don’t like my news served to me—I don’t trust the serving. I go out and seek the news I want to read, so I make sure my viewpoints aren’t Google-ified or streamlined to what I’m searching for.

So those have been some of the things I’ve really been able to ground into. And I’m going to say—I’m a little bit proud right now. Of some of the things the people in power are doing. The people in my community are doing. How we’re all coming together.

And that’s a strange thing for me. It’s gone from a quiet pride to like… a medium-loud pride. Which is pretty loud for a Canadian—unless you’re at a hockey game.

Kim Romain (31:55)

Yeah. No, then it’s really fun though.

It’s so interesting, being in person at that networking event last week. I had that initial discomfort. And then they were asking questions about my family—are they okay, are they able to see me, am I able to go back? They were checking in. It felt caring.

And then it quickly moved to food. We started talking about all the food they loved from places they’d traveled to in the States. And I talked about the food I loved—both from the States and here.

It was a blending. We were laughing together. We went on to other topics. But it started with nonprofits. And it led to food. And the food created joy. We could all viscerally feel that. It became this common thread.

Louise Neil (33:02)

Yeah.

Kim Romain (33:02)

So yeah—being in community and finding common ground. But it’s so interesting listening to you, because I’m like, “Isn’t this the stuff we’re always doing?”

But I think we lose track of the importance of it.

We’re not always sure how things are affecting us, right? But we know what it feels like to be checked out. We know what it feels like to be doomscrolling. And we know what it feels like to be connected.

So how do we lean into the things we already have access to, to support ourselves through all of this?

We never really know what’s going to happen tomorrow. So when we say “unprecedented”… well, it’s just a new day.

Louise Neil (35:05)

Yeah.

Kim Romain (35:06)

I know it’s more than that. But it feels like—tomorrow is another day. It could bring another shitstorm we haven’t expected. Sure.

But I know what to do for myself. I know how to start my day from a grounded, centered place. I know how to end my day, so I can go to sleep without ruminating or doing damage to my body. And in the middle of the day, I know how to take breaks.

I use my crystals. I’m always holding a crystal now. It keeps me grounded. Not because I think this conversation will be triggering—it’s just grounding. It helps me be present. It brings me back to my body.

So how did you help that one client who was really struggling?

Louise Neil (36:08)

It was just through that conversation. Understanding that this is something they need to do. So—let’s treat it like something important. Just like anything else on your calendar.

Through practice and boundaries, it's like: “I’m going to be very intentional. I’m going to be present in this task—which happens to be consuming news and putting my voice out there. And then I’m going to do the next important thing. And then the next.”

That’s what resilience is about. It’s: how do we move through this without avoiding it, and without getting stuck?

But Kim—you said something that I think is the core of it. Right now, Canadians and Americans are both starting to really see how different we actually are.

We’ve always kind of thought, “We’re more similar than different.” We speak the same language. We look the same. We like the same things. But now—we’re seeing the cultural and governmental differences.

And just like your networking event—it’s when we approach things with curiosity, with compassion, and without judgment… that we can find common ground. And through that, we can have the conversations that need to happen.

And I love that. It’s a reminder that even though we’re different, we are the same. We’re people. And we can find a way to navigate all this together.

Kim Romain (38:48)

Yeah. It takes me back to the conversations we’ve had—and conversations I have all the time with my clients and within my groups. That place of belonging… it starts inside.

When we feel that we belong—wherever we are, whatever the situation—we show up differently. I was standing around with a bunch of people I didn’t know. Half of them were speaking French—I had no idea what they were saying. I was surprised I understood more than I thought I would, but still… I wasn’t eavesdropping or anything.

And the other half were speaking English. Nobody had expectations of me. That’s what has held me back in the past—I kept myself from feeling like I belonged. But I put myself into a situation, into an opportunity, where I got to see that I do belong.

And even though—yeah, I went at a time where I was like, “Ooh, what’s going to happen?”—I was enveloped into the community that was there. It was lovely. It was meaningful.

And I think that’s where—when we’re starting to feel isolated, when we’ve spent so much time hyper-focusing on what’s outside of our control, all this shit flying at us… we feel isolated. And when we feel isolated, we don’t feel like we belong. And we feel hypersensitive to even try to cross any boundary.

So I do think it starts with… actually, I know it starts with… understanding that feeling. And I’m so happy your client brought it up and said, “This is what’s going on.” Because that’s the first step to change.

Whether shit’s flying at us or not—this is the work we need to be doing. And if you haven’t started doing that work… if you haven’t started recognizing when things don’t feel right, when you feel shut down or isolated… now might be a really great time to say, “Do I feel good?”

It might be a hard “no” really fast for a lot of people right now—and that’s okay. So then ask, “What doesn’t feel good… inside of me?”

Because all this stuff flying at us—all the shenanigans, the chaos—it’s overwhelming. And we want a grown-up in the room.

Friends… we may or may not get a grown-up in the room. We get glimmers of that from time to time. But the question becomes: What can we do for ourselves?

And I don’t mean to make it sound easy—it’s not. But it is important that we do this work.

Louise Neil (42:17)

Yeah. It comes down to: who do you want to be?

Who do you want to be in this crisis? Who do you want to be getting through these “unprecedented” times?

How can you live into that person more authentically?

And then—lean into that. But you have to know who you want to be.

Kim Romain (42:44)

Which is a really hard place for a lot of people—particularly when they’ve never been asked to be whoever it is that might be emerging right now.

I’m going to go a little woo here—we have a lot of stuff shifting. A lot of cosmic shifts. Whether you look at Human Design, astrology, whatever format you’re into… it is unprecedented.

There are planetary and energetic shifts happening that haven’t been seen in anyone’s lifetime who is currently alive. Some haven’t happened in 500 years. Some haven’t happened since 500 BCE.

So we’ve never experienced what this energy is going to bring.

And it’s not about reading your horoscope—though you can. That can be interesting and helpful. But it’s about understanding what you’re feeling as things are shifting. Polarities are changing. And that does impact how people show up in the world.

So as these things unfold, allowing ourselves to get into our bodies—not shut down the wisdom in our bodies—that’s what this show is all about.

Getting into our bodies. Allowing ourselves to witness—without judgment or attachment—what we’re experiencing. That gives us an opportunity to stop being in reaction mode all the time.

And that reaction mode? That’s the crux of dis-ease and disease—both.

I can’t say enough how important it is to just start.

Start practicing noticing what is happening in your body. And from there—whether it’s using breath or movement—see what starts to feel better.

Put down the phone. Turn off the computer. Don’t look at the news cycle. Whatever it is—let your body guide you.

Some people are fine with all of it—and that’s great. They have a different threshold.

Louise Neil (45:16)

Absolutely. What we’re really talking about is—when things are impacting us in a way where we feel like we can’t express ourselves the way we used to… our lives are changing. Then we need to pay attention to that.

Kim Romain (45:32)

Yeah. Louise, thanks for having this conversation today. I really think it’s important that we have some transparency around what we’re both going through—and how we’re both affected by the shit flying at us, the sand getting kicked in our sandboxes—because it really is global.

Today we talked about the U.S. and Canada. But people around the globe are being impacted. Every country. Every community.

Just… notice. Notice what’s going on within you. And be curious about what’s going on around you, too.

Louise Neil (46:20)

Yeah. Thank you. There was a part of your story where I just wanted to say, “I’m sorry that you feel that way”—as a true Canadian would say.

Kim Romain (46:31)

I appreciate that. And I wouldn’t let someone take my “sorry” away today.

I said “sorry” and they said, “We don’t say sorry.” I said, “I know—in the States you don’t. But in Canada, we do. And we mean it.”

So I don’t want you to take away my “sorry.”

Louise Neil (46:55)

Fabulous.

Well, I’m not sorry we had this conversation today—and I’m really glad we did. It’s important.

Kim Romain (47:03)

Same.

Quickly before we say goodbye—what do you have going on that you’d like people to know about?

Louise Neil (47:11)

Ooh! I have my Rise & Redefine group starting up at the end of April. It’s a fantastic program where we talk about where menopause and careers collide—and how to navigate those crazy times.

Talk about a shitstorm.

So yeah—if you’re interested in that, we’ll make sure the links are in the show notes.

And how about you, Kim? What’s going on?

Kim Romain (47:35)

Well, I feel like a broken record—but everything going on inside The Rising Visionaries is just magical.

We’re diving into not only embodied leadership, but how to use the wisdom that resides in our bodies—in conjunction with our cognitive wisdom. How we can be supported by the cosmic shifts happening in the world.

It’s mind, it’s body, it’s soul.

And it’s really frickin’ magical.

Come join us.

Louise Neil (48:27)

Thanks everyone for joining us today.

Kim Romain (48:34)

And that’s all for this week’s episode of The Empowered & Embodied Show. We hope today’s conversation sparked something within you.

Remember—we’re all on this journey together. If something resonated, share it with a friend. And don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode.

Be kind to yourself. Stay curious. And remember—we’re walking right alongside you.

Thanks for being here.