Discount Storytime
Each week brings you a stand-alone humorous short story for grown-ups. Every story is handcrafted for your enjoyment. We take care to ensure engaging plots, rich character development, and intelligent dialogue are carefully edited out.
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Discount Storytime
Movie Marvels and Garden Heaven
Prepare yourself for a captivating journey through the realms of cinema and the afterlife in our latest episode of Discount Storytime. Join us with our extraordinary guest, Taggart Brumble, as he takes us on a nostalgic trip to the early 1900s with "All Things Movie." Experience the scandal of a silent film that once left audiences scandalized, complete with its original score for an authentic touch.
Then, we venture into the humorously twisted afterlife with "Garden Heaven," where Reed, our spirited protagonist, encounters an unexpected fate at the Pearly Gates. With budget constraints in heaven and hell, Reed is faced with his personal challenge: an eternity of gardening, his least favorite task in life. Guided by his host angel, Maya, Reed discovers the comedic quirks of his celestial surroundings. It's a story brimming with laughs and unexpected turns as we explore the lighter side of life's ultimate journey. Don't miss this amusing and nostalgic episode filled with intriguing stories and a unique take on the great beyond.
Music:
"Skinny Food Fighters Blues 85" by Won Jong Hwa from Pixabay
"Harp glissando wich chimes" by Shiden Beats Music from Pixabay
"Happy Gospel Choir and Piano" by Julius H. from Pixabay
"1900 Edison phonograph playing music" from Pixabay
"Showtime-Cabaret-Revue" by Julius H. from Pixabay
Sound Effects by Pixabay
"Send a text or Challenge Question Answer"
Contact information:
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Or click the link in the show notes to send a message.
Thanks!
Hi, welcome to episode 27 of Discount Storytime. Our stories today are All Things Movie with Taggart Brumble and Garden Heaven. Enjoy.
Speaker 2:Welcome to All Things Movie with Taggart Brumble. And boy, do we have a naughty one for you today, dating back to the early 1900s. We will also be playing music from the original score to give it that authentic feel. I tell you, I'm not even comfortable reading the title, Whoa. And if you think this short film is scandalous now, imagine what shockwaves it caused back then. I don't think I can even describe it to you. It would blow the steam off your ears. Instead, let's just dive right in and we'll discuss it on the other side. Oh my, can you believe that If you look up the definition of naughty, you would find that movie and in that day and age, Certainly certainly the most wanton thing I've ever seen silent movie or not? Well, friends, that was certainly eye-opening. And until next time, this is All Things Movie with your host, Taggart Brumble, signing off.
Speaker 1:Garden Heaven. At a local party, our hero Reed tries to impress his friends. Hey, everyone, watch me, watch me do this. Get down from there. Oh, calm down, I know what I'm doing. Oh, calm down, I know what I'm doing. Hey, what is this place?
Speaker 2:Where am I? I'm Saint.
Speaker 1:Peter, and this is the Pearly Gates. I fell, didn't I? Yup Did I at least, didn't I? Yup, did I at least look cool trying.
Speaker 2:Nope, not even close. Now you're here at the pearly gates and you are assigned to Maya. Maya, yes, maya will give you all the information you need. She is just finishing up with another new soul and will be right with you Now, if you don't mind stepping aside, a new online challenge came out and we're experiencing high volumes.
Speaker 1:Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, sure Next. Oh, what is this place? Where am I this?
Speaker 2:is the Pearly Gates.
Speaker 1:Oh, man, I fell, didn't I?
Speaker 2:Yup, well, do I at least look cool trying, nope Not even close.
Speaker 1:Hi are cool, trying, nope, not even Hi. Are you Reed? Hi, yeah, Are you Maya? Yes, I'm your host angel. I'll help get you set up and started and answer questions you have. Follow me, please.
Speaker 2:Wow, what a garden.
Speaker 1:Yes, the boss is a fan of gardens, always has been. I'm not really a garden guy myself, but I'm just happy to have made it into heaven. Pardon Heaven here, I made it into heaven.
Speaker 2:Did St Peter not?
Speaker 1:tell you. Huh, well, shit, he did it again. Always pushing it on us to deliver, just typical. Tell me what? Here let me show you your report. See this graph here. This shows the maximum allowed fart jokes a human can make and still get into heaven. And here is your total One over. You didn't get into heaven, but this is heaven, right? Yes, you're technically inside heaven, but you belong to hell. You see, when the internet became popular, hell quickly filled to capacity. Now there's simply no space for new souls, and both heaven and hell have seen budget cutbacks and, with expenses going up, they both had to get well creative with staffing. I'm sorry, I still don't get it.
Speaker 1:Reed, what do you think of gardening? Oh, I hate it. When I was alive, it was my least favorite thing to do. Having to garden was like my own personal Was like being in. Oh no, oh, yes, f*** me.
Speaker 1:See this group of people gardening. Well, at least I won't be alone. Yes, that's the can-do spirit. I mean, all these other people hate gardening as much as me. Well, what? Why don't I introduce you to the group?
Speaker 1:Hello, hello everyone. Can you please take a quick break and come over here? I have someone to introduce you to Everyone. This is Reed. Hi, reed, hi, good to meet you all, and Reed is going to be working with you until he pays off. Well, some, anyway, he's going to be working with you, yay, and as he is new, I'm assigning him to work with you. Fern, will you show him the ropes? Why, yes, it's a pleasure to meet you, reed. Wow, with a name like that, you must love gardening. Well, uh, actually, after all, everyone loves gardening, right, gang? Yay, well, I'll leave you in their capable green thumbs. Wait, maya, can I talk to you for a second Privately? Sure, okay, everyone, I'm leaving him in your care. Have a wonderful, whatever you're doing.
Speaker 1:Mulching, what's up? Well, you mentioned me paying off something. What was that? Oh, yes, your soul score. My, what?
Speaker 1:Everyone has a soul score during life. It's like a credit score Love your neighbor, help the less fortunate, and so on, and your score goes up. Things like lying and cruelty hurt your score. Oh, or fart jokes? Okay, for the record, you told a lot of fart jokes, like, seriously, what was wrong with you? But the point is that tanked your soul score and you were sent to hell Like forever.
Speaker 1:Well, that depends on you. See, heaven and hell aren't one and done. There's fluidity. Some souls make it into heaven but then think they have it made and they start acting like real ass. Well, just not very nice. If they keep it up, they may get kicked down to the purgatory or even hell. And, of course, there's always a chance for redemption. I mean, at the end of the day, it all means good business sense, if you think about it. If I told you hey, reed, you're in hell. I am in hell, yes, but with absolutely no chance for redemption, what's your motivation to improve? None right Now. What if I told you there's a way to get into heaven by improving your soul score? How? Doing good deeds, showing you're willing to contribute to what needs to be done, even if it's something you don't like. Well, do I have to be cheerful as these giddy f***s? No, but you have to be kind Always. You have to be kind. Fine, to be continued after this word from All Things Movie with Taggart Rumble.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to All Things Movie with Taggart Rumble. Apparently, several listeners provided angry feedback. They missed out on what was going on, given the obvious reason that the silent film was shown well, obviously without the proper historical and societal context. But I have a treat for you An expert in silent films will be joining us shortly. We're going to replay the short film and he will give us a play-by-play of what is happening with historic and societal context. Is happening with historic and societal context.
Speaker 3:Please join me in welcoming Professor Davil from the University of Tasmania School of Film.
Speaker 2:Why? Thank you, that is very kind of you to say so. Before we replay this clip, would you like to explain to the audience?
Speaker 3:why this particular silent movie is not only scandalous but historically important.
Speaker 2:That's amazing. Well, without further ado, we're going to replay the movie, but this time Professor DeVille is going to tell us what is going on and explain the importance.
Speaker 3:Well, I for one think that cleared everything up.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for your time today, Professor, and until next time this is All Things Movie with your host Taggart Brumble, signing off Garden Heaven.
Speaker 1:We return to Reed, who has been working in the garden for several and one-third eons and that's the secret to successful pruning. But I'll bet you already knew that, with your name being Reed and all, you must love gardening Still, no, still not even a little. I hate gardening. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Hey, everyone, reed's doing his I hate gardening comedy routine. Again, for the millionth time. It's not a comedy routine. Why won't you listen to me? I hate gardening. Oh, always pretending he hates gardening. Classic Reed. Who could possibly hate gardening? Yay, gardening. Did I tell you about the day I arrived and they told me, as a reward, I would be gardening?
Speaker 3:Yes, yes yes, I said this must be heaven inside of heaven with a scoop of heaven on top, f*** me.
Speaker 1:Have I told you I was a gardener during life?
Speaker 1:Yes, but, you know what? I don't even know if I ever asked you what you did Well, besides gardening, of course, I haven't thought of that in a long time. I was a tailor. I had my own shop with a nice little apartment overhead. It wasn't anything grand, but it was mine and I loved it. I, uh, I miss tailoring. Have you stopped by any of the tailor shops, the what the tailor shops you know stopped by on our days off? Actually, I'm not allowed to leave the. I mean, um no, no, I haven't made it. I'll take you sometime. Sounds like it may cheer you up.
Speaker 2:Thanks, fern, that's really sweet of you I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Well, enough chin wagging. Let's see what are we working on today Weeding, fucking weeding. Oh, I should be mad at weeds, but Without weeds we wouldn't have the fun of weeding.
Speaker 3:And it wouldn't be heaven without gardening?
Speaker 1:Oh f*** me. Hi everyone, hi Maya, hi Reed, can I talk to you for a minute? Hi Maya, what's up? Remember our conversation several and a third eons ago about restoring your soul score to get into heaven?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well as of this morning, your soul score is restored. You're done. Gardening, seriously, yes, you are free of gardening as long as you keep your soul score acceptable. How will I know what my score is? Just check your scorecard from time to time, your scorecard In your pocket. You mean you've been here this whole time and you've never once checked your pockets? Oh, hey, look, there's a little card in my pocket with a green number on it. That color tells you what range you're in Green, good, then yellow, then red, bad, cool, so I'm done.
Speaker 1:What do I do now? You can do anything you want. You know, heaven can always use tailors and there's plenty of shop space available. You mean it? I could go back to tailoring in my own shop Absolutely as soon as you want to start. Hey everyone, hey everyone, I'm going to be a tailor again. Congratulations, reed. Oh, uh, can I take a couple of these gardening gloves and aprons with me? Why? For templates Over the eons, I've come up with some ideas, of course. Oh, good luck, reed. I'm so happy for you. Thanks, fern, and if there's anything, you need Okay, bye.
Speaker 1:And so Reed opened his shop and specialized in custom garden aprons and gloves. As for the friends he made over the one and a third eons gardening together, they were his best customers, the end.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to All Things Movie with Taggart Brumble. Many listeners have continued to provide very angry feedback. Apparently, mumbled speech kept them from understanding the f***ing movie, so we're going to try this again. Okay, we were able to find a last-minute replacement from Colorado.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you'd like to get in touch with me, there is contact information in the show notes. Until next week, play nice with others, take super duper good care of yourself and, as always, remember to laugh. Bye.
