All About Anal with EngErotics!

If you’ve ever been low‑key curious about anal play but high‑key terrified to Google it on your work laptop, this episode is your new bestie. The EngErotics crew breaks down anal sex and anal toys with zero shame and a whole lot of science, sarcasm, and real‑body honesty. 

We’re talking anatomy, lube, flared bases (non‑negotiable!), warm‑up, aftercare, and why numbing creams are the villains of this story... not the heroes you were promised. 

We drag the stigma, not your butt, and get into how communication, consent, and curiosity turn “absolutely not” into “okay, maybe…” in a way that actually feels safe and sexy. 

From hygiene and STI risk to what to say when your partner floats the idea, this is your judgment‑free crash course in anal pleasure for all bodies and orientations.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Anal play. But stuff. We hear the jokes, we see the reactions, but rarely have real honest conversations about it. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to this month's Engerotics live stream. I am Jackie Mick, Chief Marketing Officer at Engerotics, and I will be your awkward host today. This month we're breaking down anal play, what it actually is, why so many people are curious, and how to explore it safely, comfortably, and without shame. I say this every time. Our vibe is curious, smart, a little sassy, uh grounded in real life and real bodies, and that's real important to us. Uh, if something resonates, explore more at engirotics.com. We have amazing blogs written by the amazing Amanda and lots of cool products. Um let's get into it. Today I'm joined by the leadership, some of the leadership team behind Enderotics. Um we normally do like a one-word reaction thing, but it doesn't have to be one word because we can't limit ourselves to that. We're gonna just keep it simple. I'm gonna introduce you when you hear anal play, just give me your immediate reaction. Uh, first up, we have Raven, our founder and CEO. What you got for me?

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Um don't knock it until you try it. Don't yuck somebody else's yum. That kind of vibe.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

All right. Amanda, our sexologist and CBD researcher who wrote an amazing blog all about butt stuff. Uh, how do you feel about it?

SPEAKER_03 1:29

Raven kind of still my answer, but along the same line, if you don't want to do it, that's cool too. But once again, uh don't yuck somebody else's yum.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Yeah, like don't yuck somebody else's yum is my favorite advice for like literally anything. And I think that um in general, the internet has made it easier for people to yuck other people's yum and it like almost accept it. And I do rail against that pretty vocally against my friends who I see doing that. I'm like, why are you giving somebody a hard time for doing something they like? It doesn't make any sense to me.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Yeah, I mean if everybody's like consenting and enjoying themselves, right? Like, I mean, there's like I mean, I want to say that there's exceptions to every rule. So it's like we're talking about like, you know, within like, I would say like safe, reasonable context, you know, like of course there are like examples way out there where, you know, yeah, absolutely hell no to that. But we're not talking about that. We're talking about like the everyday things that, you know, pineapple on pizza, um, you know, um what's another example besides butt sex?

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Like one of the things that I fight with my friends about, all that's not fight, but this comes up with all the time with television shows. Like they want to rail on people liking television shows. Like, what so what if they like Love Island?

SPEAKER_01 2:55

It's it's just what does it have to do with you? That that's a really good, that's a really good example. Like, people are gonna like what they like, people are gonna drive what they drive, people are gonna wear brands that they wear. You know, it's like, I don't know, like fast fashion is a good example. Like, you know, either it's like, oh, well, you know, what do you mean? You got that from Shein, or you got that from, you know, it's like like people like what they like, people spend their money the way they're gonna spend their money. It doesn't have anything to do with you. You're not there, it's not your money, it's not your sex life. You know, of course, as I said, there's like, you know, there there are there's like there are things out there where it's like, you know, I think as a society, we all look at that and we're like, yeah, no, that's not cool. And if you're participating in that, like that sucks. Um, and you suck. But in the con, like for the sake of this conversation, it's understood. We're not talking about that stuff. So for all of you contrarians out there that want to slide in to be like, oh, well, you know, just to play devil's advocate, like, no, like we know, okay, like we know.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

Like you're talking about like I like I like to say I am my own devil's advocate, because any argument that you can come up with for me not liking some some something, I've come up with it already because of the way I grew up, where I got made fun of constantly for the things that I like, like musicals, award shows, all of the things that make me me today, uh, were you know um belittled and uh I was made to feel bad for liking them. So I go through anything that I like, I go through one million arguments on my head as to well, what are the bad things someone can say about this? And but stuff is no exception to that rule.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Yeah, there's a lot of like um uh misinformation, misconceived notions, um stigma taboo attached to anal play, especially when it comes to um heterosexual, cisgendered men. We can talk about that too. Um I remember there was I I can't well, yes, I do remember who I was talking to. I will not say their name, but we were having a conversation about um backdoor play, anal sex, and um they were like, Well, I just don't understand why you would want shit on your dick. Like that's that's how they said it. Um well, I'll say it was a he, okay? So this is like that's it was a he. I don't understand why you would, you know, and that was those are the words he used, and like that's not how it works. You don't know what you don't know. So if you don't take the time to learn about it, get educated about it, of course you're gonna have like a lot of misconceptions about how it works, what it is. Um is that the poop hole? Yes, that's where the yeah, you know. Um, however, uh there are a lot of people who enjoy that sort of play, um, engage in it safely, uh pleasurably, um, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

The first time that I ever encountered even like the concept of butt anal sex was in high school. I grew up in Georgia, and I it was a small town, and it was a pretty religious town, like um the social I the town I grew up in was called social circle, and I was about to say the social circles in my town, uh the social circles in my town were kind of formed by like what church you went to. And so everybody was really religious. And the girls that I went to school with would be proud of the fact that they were virgins, but having buzz sex all the time, bro.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

All the time. It's the only kind of sex that God can't see, Jackie.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

There's a there's a garf uncle and oats song about this concept called the poop hole loophole, and it the first time I heard it, I lost my shit. It's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

But isn't that one of the misconceptions though? Like, wouldn't y'all agree? Like, you know, it's that's you know, I and I don't really think it's a loophole because sex is sex, you know. Like it's agree some form of of intercourse. Um but yeah, so I I've heard the same.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

Um and as an adult who has had a healthy amount of anal play in my life, I cannot imagine that being my first introduction to penetration.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

Yeah, that neither can I be wild to me. Oh my gosh, neither neither can I. I mean, it it seems like very, I don't know, for lack of a better term, um, advanced, maybe. Yes. Like you need to have more um more education, more understanding about how that area works. And I mean, just to be clear, like, you know, the that area, the anus, it doesn't work the way that the vagina does. It's not self-lubricating. Um, there are two sphincter muscles in there. Um, you can't just like go to town. And so, like, I kind of feel like, you know, anal sex is not something, I mean, I it to each their own, but it it wouldn't be something that I would I would consider something that you do with just anybody, you know, like you have to be with a partner who understands, who knows what they're doing, um, who listens to you. Um, that's so very important. It's like um, it's the trust ball, you know. I mean, everything in sex, good sex, good intimacy, um, trust is, you know, paramount and it's to be prioritized. Trust and communication and respect. Um, but there's a lot of ways that you can get hurt. Um yeah. Um, yes. Amanda, you haven't said anything about butt sex.

SPEAKER_03 8:57

Do you have anything else to say about, you know? You guys are nailing everything. All of my thoughts are being taken today.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

I don't I kind of feel like um in our society, I mean maybe less so in 2026, but even more so like 10, 15 years ago, you know, this particular activity was very like taboo, you know, like, oh my gosh, like you do that, like, oh my gosh, like you're so bad, you know, and it's like, you know, it's but it's like something that a lot of people don't talk about. I feel like it's something that a lot of people are scared to explore, um, scared to um admit that they like, either to themselves or with their partner. You know, it's like, you know, a lot we're not even talking like, you know, this is my you know new boyfriend, this is my new girlfriend. This is like, you know, we're talking about this is my my partner of many, many years, and like, oh, I can never ask her, I can never ask him. Um, you have to ask, you have to talk about it. You can't just like slip it in on the sly. That's not how it works. Don't do that, don't do that.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

Um anal anal play needs a hefty amount of warm up, warm-up and communication.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

Absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

Um, and a flared base, if we're talking about, if nobody takes anything else from this conversation, flared base, making sure that there is either a human on the other end or there's a flared base. Yeah, either way, you need some sort of stopping point because there are many, many, many instances of people ending up in the emergency room because the way the anus muscles work is it literally can suck things up, whether you want it to or not. It's a very involuntary response. And if you don't have that flared base, it you're it's gonna be sucked up, and you're gonna have to have someone remove it. And uh definitely happened.

SPEAKER_02 11:06

Somebody once told me, I might be getting this a little bit wrong, uh, that the vagina is a cul-de-sac, and the anus is a highway, like it goes all the way through your body. Like there's an end to the vagina, so that's why the flared base isn't as important in a vagina. But in in the butt, if it goes in there, it could go all the way, it can end up, you know, places you don't want it to end up. Absolutely. You have the cervix, and so that cervix is that stopping point.

SPEAKER_03 11:37

Uh, you're not gonna get past that cervix unless you're dilated, ready for labor. Yeah, but you're right, the the anus is it's much longer, and it has that that vacuum effect um that can make it uh I don't want to say dangerous, but a trip to the ER.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

Yeah. And there's a list that comes out every year from uh like collected from ER doctors around the country about the things that their patients have gotten stuck in their ass that year. And you don't want to be on that list. I know I don't want to be on.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

So like cans of baked beans and all sorts of things. Please don't pick put don't put baked beans in your ass. A flare.

SPEAKER_03 12:20

If whatever it is, just make sure it has a flared base. Obviously, we promote uh toys that are meant for anal play. However, if you want to get crazy, just make sure it has a flared base.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

This message brought to you by thoughts and prayers by angerotics. Yeah. Pour your butt. It's safe.

SPEAKER_02 12:40

And if if there's like something, if there's something weird that you want to try, uh, I don't know, reach out to somebody that makes toys and see if they can make that, because I'm sure you're not the only one.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Oh, definitely not. Um there's something that just came to mind that I feel like never gets talked about like at all. It's like the um the aftermath, the after-effects, after anal sex. And um I think people need to be prepared for. Um so the best way that I can describe what's happening during vigorous analysis a mascara tube, and you know how like, you know, you'd see like ladies just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You know, that's not how I do my mascara because you're pumping air into the tube and you're drying out your mascara. And so it's like kind of the same thing with anal. Like, you know, you're gonna get some air pumped into uh into the backside. And so what I feel like a lot of people are not prepared for is that in the hours in the day, after, depending upon how vigorous play is, um your bowel movements might be a little, they might be a little interesting. Like there's gonna be gas, you might, and you know, if it and you might like, I don't know, I I wouldn't say that um, you know, I've I've heard of anybody having like painful gas pockets, but I suppose it could happen if you get enough in there. But I think that's something that doesn't get talked about enough. Um, people feel like, oh, well, I did something wrong, or you know, or they don't make the connection, like, oh, it's something that I ate, but they don't think about like the air that can get pumped in to one's backside with vigor of sex. I will say that I feel like the smaller the penetrative toy, so like, you know, a finger or a safe bullet or whatever, I feel like there's more potential for more air to get pumped in. Whereas if you have something with more size, it's a little less. But either way, you're gonna get like that mascara tube effect. So, like for you receivers out there who are inexperienced, do not be surprised if after the fact, like you've got to like, you know, release some gas or you know, your morning poop is not quite what you're used to. Um, because you're putting, you know, like lubricant, you're putting air, and so it's gonna be, you know, um might be a little strange. And I think that that's something that most people, like who are new, they don't anticipate. And I don't think it gets talked about enough.

SPEAKER_03 15:16

I think aftercare is really important as well as the before and the foreplay and really making sure that you are relaxed, both mentally, physically, making sure that those muscles can be a little more relaxed to really help with that penetration. Not only does it help with potential pain, if you're not, um, I think it also helps with those air pockets as well.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Yeah, absolutely. I I feel like a lot of people like they don't, I don't know. If you're experienced, you can just like jump right into it. Like if you're experienced, you already know like what it is you need to do, not do, if you feel like that's gonna be on the menu during that session. Um, and it's just like, I don't know, I think that there's a lot of things to consider. Like, for example, if you know that you're lactose intolerant, but you like to cheat every once in a while, that's probably not the day to have dairy or, you know, like things, things like that. You know, it's like things like minding your diet that can make things more pleasant.

SPEAKER_02 16:23

There's a show that I really love called The Other Two, and there's a scene in, I want to say season two or season three, where it's two gay fellows who have just met for the first time. They're on like kind of a first date and they're nearing the end of the date. They know something's gonna happen, they go to get pizza afterwards, and they're both avoiding eating the pizza because they don't know who's gonna be the bottom. And so they have this really beautiful, honest conversation about like who's gonna eat the pizza tonight. And I think that's just such a good way to look at it. Uh, and like it's a way to talk about the thing without being like gross, not gross, but like explicit about it.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

Yeah. Also, I mean, I feel like if you do the sex before dinner, you don't even have to worry about that. Something what it doesn't matter, front door, back door. I can't do any sex after a big hearty meal. I just can't. So it's like there came a time where I was like, you know, we could have sex before we go out to this decadent dinner. Like, but what do we see like in the movies? You go out, you have a nice evening, blah blah blah blah, and you you come home and then there's sex. It just doesn't work that way. So it's like, um, there would have been do a pizza after anal sex, like have anal sex, then have pizza. Yeah, then you can both eat the pizza. Exactly, exactly. But we don't, we often don't think about those things. I think that um most people, um, well, you know, yeah, I'll say most people, most people don't think about, you know, getting educated about this sort of thing, even if they are curious about it, because stigma, right? And even like talking about it openly and honestly with a trusted partner, like leaves you exposed. Like, oh my gosh, they're gonna know I have some sort of interest in this. Um, which, you know, okay, you know, yes, that's true, but also like you should be able to like bring that to your partner, right? It keeps everybody satisfied and safe. Um, and and it keeps the lines of communication open, and it also invites them to the table to be like, oh, well, I'm so glad you brought that up because I'm also interested in yada, yada, yada. So, I mean, what would y'all say is like the first step in preparing for this particular activity, like both as a like either as a newbie or like an expert in practice? Communication. Yeah. What does that look like for you?

SPEAKER_03 19:01

I mean, we need to have a conversation on expectations, on um what each of us maybe want to try, maybe some boundaries of things of like not really into that right now. Um, and also keeping in mind that like boundaries can change and you can say no to something now. I'm not interested in that now. Um doesn't mean in the future. Um, but yeah, I think first and foremost, communication needs to happen even before foreplay happens, just to make sure we're on the same page.

SPEAKER_02 19:36

Agreed. I also think that establishing a safe word is important, I even though it's not traditionally like a BDSM practice that you're taking part in, but it's still out of the realm of normality for most people. So have a word to get out of something if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable that is like a stopping, like a red light. We you need like a red light word.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Absolutely. By the way, that's my dishwasher completing. I don't know. I don't even hear it. We can't hear it. It plays a song when it's done. I wasn't sure if you could hear it. I was giggling when I asked that question because um I'm like really direct and all I would probably just be like, so is XYZ on the menu this evening? Like, do you want to do this? Um, I understand that a lot of people like, you know, will beat around the bush and I'll just be like, hey, like, how are we planning dinner tonight? Like, because I'm trying to, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I need to make sure my situation is okay. Um, so I was giggling like to myself about that, like, you know, as I was asking y'all, like, what how do you initiate that conversation? Because I know how I initiate like conversations around sex. It's very direct. I mean, like, at this point in time, like, there's no shame. Like, yeah, there can't be. You know, after somebody watches you have two babies, like that's like it's you know, it's like it's a grand thing, I'm sure, to watch new life being come like coming into the world. Is it a sexy position to be in? No, no, absolutely not. So, so yeah, I had to laugh about that to myself because uh I feel like so many people are like, oh, well, I don't want them to think that I'm some sort of like deviant or whatever. Like, I can't be too excited about this. But I I agree, like communication, like communication around the thing so that you can have a good time. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 21:36

I like how you phrase uh put saying, is this on the menu? I think that's a really cute way of like, you know, you're you're being direct in in asking without the being direct of like it's not a force, it's a question. So I think approaching it with curiosity is really important. Um, and just by saying, like, is this on the menu? I just think is. I think it's cute and I might start using it. I think that it keeps it playful and I think it keeps it lighthearted. Because the alternative, and and very well this could work for many people, is just being like, So you want to try this? So are you into that? Um, but even just by like making it a little more playful of saying, is this on the menu? Um, and giving your partner the opportunity to say no with without rebuttal, I think is something that I see um with couples, especially is if you prompt something and they're just like not interested, once again, like that not interested can change in the future, and don't um make them feel bad for not wanting to try that right now. Yeah, um, leave that door open, keep it, keep it curious, um, and meet in the middle with what you guys want to try and maybe not want to try. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 22:59

I think a lot of times when people make other people feel bad when they're turned down or said no to, they're making that about themselves instead of whatever makes the other person comfortable. And they they really need to think about this person feels safe enough with you to say no, don't make them feel bad for it, or they'll they'll stop doing it and that's not gonna end up in a in a good spot.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

Absolutely. I feel like um, you know, when I when I like refer to things like being on the menu, um, you know, it's like at this point in time there is there's a menu, there's like a whole selection of things that we've tried and explored and discovered from which we can choose. So it's like we're not new. Like this is like a different dynamic from, you know, you can have a menu with a new partner. But it's like with me and you know, and within my marriage and my relationship now, it's like, you know, we've had, well, I guess we're coming up on 15 years together, 14 years married in September. So there's been a lot of time to understand and talk about, you know, new things, old things, likes, dislikes, you know, flexible boundaries, things like that. So it's like, you know, yeah, there's quite literally a whole list of things to choose from, depending upon how one or both of us is feeling, um, which I think is really cool. And it kind of is like a non like what's the word I'm looking for? Is it non-confrontational? Like, or it yeah, like it's very like, you know, it's soft in approach. It's not like, hey, this is an expectation. It's just like, hey, are you open um to this like later on or whatever? So and I think that helps foster, you know, trust and security in one another. Um, but I mean, like, I don't know, would you say that people have a harder time with like new relationships as opposed to established relationships? Like when it comes to, I mean, this is certainly not true for everybody. So this is not like, you know, I'm not trying to generalize, but would you say that there's more difficulty in like going into like activities like anal sex and similar, like in newer relationships as opposed to, you know, well, we've done everything else, why don't we may as well give this a try, you know?

SPEAKER_03 25:13

I would really say but uh I I also think it, yes, I think it would be maybe a little more difficult in the beginning, um, especially if you haven't had those conversations yet. Uh the first one can can be awkward, right? If you don't know how to navigate it with that specific person, because each relationship is is different, right? A different entity. Um, but with that said, I also think that there's people that's been in relationships 15, 20 years and still don't know how to navigate those sort of conversations. That's fair.

SPEAKER_02 25:44

That's very true. Yeah. Yeah, I think it really depends a lot on how comfortable you are with yourself and your likes and dislikes and wants and needs, which is why it's so important to explore with yourself before exploring with other people.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

Absolutely. And that's something that Amanda's blog touches on this month, too. Did the blog talk about, I think that we were focused on penetrative play, but do you want to do y'all want to talk about oral play? Like, because that's play too. Um, and and I feel like that like really like can skeef people out.

SPEAKER_03 26:15

I think the whole taboo subject in itself. I think anal penetration um is one thing. I think oral anal is a whole other, for whatever reason, bottle of wax of just taboo. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

It it eating ass has had a moment in open mic comedy for like the last four to five years. When I lived in Orlando, all of the bad open mic comedies were making derogatory jokes about uh oral anal. And then when we moved up to here to Michigan, it was like the same thing. So people are not afraid to make fun of it, but they are afraid to talk about it seriously.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

They're probably the ones that do it the most. I mean, if they're that's internalized shame. If if I'm if I'm being honest, they're probably the ones that do it the most or like the most curious about it. Um, you know, and it's like at this point in my life, like giving like given what I do for a living and you know, running and erotics, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, it is my job to listen to other people's proclivities without judgment. Like, you know, of course, as always, my boundary is that everybody involved needs to be of legal age and consenting. Like, that's that's my boundary. So you're not gonna come to me and and talk to me about anything illegal or anything like, no, we're not gonna go there. So it's like, but everything else, you know, it's like it is quite literally my job to to hear these things, and people do be sharing with me. I can't imagine that, you know, uh that I would hold any credibility or trust as a founder, CEO of Engurotics, if I spent my time dragging people for doing things like eating ass. I mean, like, you know, there people there have been people who have asked me, like, okay, well, you know, Raven, if I use the salve stick for anal, and then, you know, there's ass eating afterward, like, you know, what do you think? Like, I answer those questions because they're valid questions. I don't think that it would, I don't think I'd be a very good leader. I wouldn't have any business running this company if I was just making fun of people for doing something like that. Like, look, if you want your cheeks in the cheeks and you want them clapping, you know, like you want to know about the salve stick and you know the toys, like that's totally fine. And we need more of that, you know. We need we really do need more of that. Because I feel like there's just so many people that feel so ashamed. Like, for example, am I gonna get poop all over myself, you know? And I mean, in general, like every you know when you have to poop. There are some people out there, they have conditions where they can't feel it. That's different. But it's like, you know, the feeling of when you need to have a bowel movement, when you feel gassy, you know what that feels like. That's not the time for anal sex when you're feeling like that. Don't, don't do that. But you know what it feels like when you're not, you don't have to go to the bathroom like that, you know, and that's a good time. So you don't have any fecal material in the rectum ready to evacuate, like, you know, just things like that. If people would take the time to um, you know, about their bodies, yes, yes, absolutely. Um, but you know, there are people out there, it's like for them, it's much more appealing to make fun of other people. Um it's easier.

SPEAKER_02 29:50

It's easier, it doesn't require any self-reflection or curiosity, and that's easy for people.

SPEAKER_01 29:57

Do you think that part of it could also be a tinge of envy slash jealousy too?

SPEAKER_02 30:04

Oh, yeah, 100%. What one of the things that I did a lot of work on uh in therapy and then just in my in general mental health journey is sometimes they're like movie characters or people that I know that I like them, but I'm like mad at this is in the past, like mad at them for some reason. And I after I did a little bit of research and deep dive into my own brain, I figured out it was because I was jealous of like how free they were to be themselves and envious that I couldn't do that myself, and then I was like, well, why can't I? And so all of that has fallen by the wayside, and I am mad at myself for living like that for so many years, but I didn't know any different.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

Yeah, well, we've all been there. I actually just had an experience, it's not about butt sex, it's about cake, like not cake, like you know, food is cake, not that kind of cake. Bacon cake. I just bacon cakes, yeah. I just I was I was I was telling my husband about it. Um there's this um lady on Instagram, and she loves to use ganache on her cakes rather than buttercream. And a lot of her videos open with don't use buttercream, like use ganache instead. And she's like, I hate using buttercream because blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, well, fuck you. I love buttercream, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But then I got to thinking, like, well, maybe I need to find out what ganache is all about. Maybe I need to make a ganache. Am I having cake envy because I've not tried to make ganache and cover a cake? So that's what I did, y'all. Like, I I made I baked a cake and I made some ganache to find out what it was all about. And I didn't quite get it right. I overmixed it, but I'm like, I'm gonna give that another try. But you know, yeah, it's you know, I would the videos would pop up and I'd be like, I like buttercream just fine. Buttercream is great. Like, what's this lady talking about? And it's like, oh wait, Raven, you've never actually made ganache before. Maybe is it possible that you know, maybe you just need to like expand your talent? Why are you hating on this lady?

SPEAKER_02 32:15

I'm like, because I keep watching her videos, but in that case, though, like ganache and buttercream are two completely different textures and flavors, so they shouldn't even be in the same conversation.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

Well, not according to this lady, okay? She's got some issues to work through on her own, it sounds like her cakes look beautiful, her ganaches look delicious. Um, you know, and the truth is that I had never made ganache before. I'd never like tried to cover my cake with it. And so it's like, you know what, Raven, instead of just being like low-key irritated because this woman is singing the praises of ganache, maybe you should just try, try it and see what you think. Try it. Have your family try it. And so that's what I did. It went well. I'm gonna make another one because I need a smooth ganache. So, you know, like I didn't make quite enough to cover my cake. That's okay. Um it looked beautiful. Oh, thank you. It was not my usual style, it was like more on the rustic. It it looks like the type of cake that people order when they're getting married in a barn in cowboy boots. And, you know, that that's the type of cake you can envision that. Like so, um, but it was it was very good. Um, and it was just like purely baking for the sake of baking, trying for the sake of trying. Um, and my ganache wasn't quite right. It wasn't my typical style, you know, tying that into butt sex, you know, when you go into anal sex or anything new, I think people need to be prepared for the fact, not even the possibility, but the fact that, you know, it might not go as you expect. It might not be your typical session. Um, it may because you're adding something new, you're trying something new, and there's a learning curve, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:02

And earlier you you said that someone asked you about eating ass after using the salve stick for anal penetration. Is it okay? Is it safe?

SPEAKER_01 34:15

I mean, yeah. I mean, it's the salve stick. The salvestick is not flavored, it's not designed to be eaten. But here's the thing that y'all gotta understand in our formulation. Like, you know, Heather, who's not here today, she's our COO and formulation specialist. We are acutely aware that the things that we formulate that are designed to go on or in your body might end up in your mouth. Not because they're flavored, not because they're designed to be eaten, but because, you know, sometimes you're gonna take it there. You know, if you're using, like, you know, o-nectar massage oil or the salve on the breasts and the nipples, and you know, you're you're rubbing and everything, you know, and somebody's mouth goes there, that's a real thing that happens. Is it flavored? Is it designed to no and no? Um, however, at the same time, like it's not gonna hurt you if you ingest some. So you'll be fine. Like, yes, the answer is is yeah. You might have like salve, like all on your, you know, your face is going to be nice and moisturized, you know, just um, but yes, it is it is safe to do. Um, I should add though, um, because we haven't talked about um condoms in anal sex, and a lot of people um, you know, want to use condoms for anal sex. I do want to throw out the caveat that um the salve and the o-nectra massage oil, which are both great for anal, they are not compatible with latex condoms. So if you are using our products for anal sex, um, you'll want to be sure that you use something like polyurethane, something that is compatible with oil-based products. But yeah, our products, the CBD, fantastic for anal. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 36:01

And another thing that I I want to say, um, my background in this industry comes from doing marketing for a small chain of retail stores. And one of the things that customers would come in and ask is for something like analyses or something to numb the area so that they don't feel what's happening. And that is a bad idea. Full stop. End of story.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

Full stop. Let's talk about that. Let's I haven't thought about analyses in years. Um, I haven't I've not thought about analyses in years. I'm so happy that you brought it up though. Um, and that was actually one of the products years and years ago when I was still working in direct sales and I was doing sex toy parties. Analese was, excuse me, analysed was like one of the products that I sold. You know, you don't know what you don't know. So it's like yeah. Um but these days, and for many years prior to today, um, no to desensitizing creams, no to numbing creams. Why? It's because pain is your body's way of telling you that you're pushing it. Yeah, it's your alarm system. That is your alarm system. Um so yeah, I mean, I understand the appeal, um, but rather than like going into it like I need a product to make this not painful, so I can't feel it, you need to go into it with the mindset of how do I engage in this activity in such a way where it doesn't hurt or injure me and what I do feel is pleasurable.

SPEAKER_02 37:37

Yeah, because it can be very pleasurable, 100%.

SPEAKER_01 37:40

Oh, it's packed with nerve endings, yeah. Yeah, it's packed with nerve endings back there. So it's like, you know, it has the potential to cause great pain, you know, it stands to reason that there's great potential for pleasure as well. And so you're like, you know, using a numbing cream, you're cutting both of those off, right? Like, no, you're not gonna experience any pain or discomfort, but you're also not gonna experience the full um effect of what could be pleasurable.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

And it's gonna be more difficult to for you to know if there's something going terribly wrong.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

Exactly. Exactly. And things can and do. Things can do. Um, any thoughts, Amanda? Am I are we taking all your thoughts again? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:30

You're the sexologist. What what do you what what do you have to add?

SPEAKER_01 38:36

You're the sexologist. Like, you know, you gotta, you know, you got your degrees in the background. Yeah, like share with us, like, you know, what what what else what gems do you have to add?

SPEAKER_03 38:49

Um, you know, something that um a lot of people don't realize is that there is still um not only a pregnancy risk with anal play, but also an STI risk as well. Um pretty much any orifice that you play with that has mucosal membrane um that uh could give potential to getting an STI. So even though if you're only doing anal penetration, you still want to get STI tested, chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, all those, um, it's still very important. And that's the sexual health side of me. Absolutely. See, that was at C.

SPEAKER_01 39:35

Like, I didn't think of that. Like, you thought of that. I got some nuggets. Uh yeah, pregnancy can still, not because you get pregnant through your behind, but you know, if you have like, you know, semen that drips out, and you know, and it it if it comes in contact with the vagina, you know, and you know, like those little guys, they start swimming. I mean, it's a few.

SPEAKER_03 40:00

It only takes one sperm. And and in ejaculate, there's millions of sperm. Yeah. And it only takes one to just do a little swimming, meet one egg, and there you go.

SPEAKER_01 40:11

So it can happen. Um, it can happen, and I don't think that enough people are aware of that. So you still need to be careful, you still need to be mindful for all sorts of reasons with anal play.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

Um, and when we were talking about oral, um, using dental dams. Dental dams um for for oral play, whether it's vaginal, anal, um, those are also going to be important to protect yourself from STIs because you can still get STIs of the mouth. You can still have chlamydia, gonorrhea of the mouth. Um, so to avoid that, you use protective barriers and yeah, and get tested.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

And I and I'm like I'm a stickler for for hygiene. Like, you know, no, nobody wants to eat nasty, dirty ass. I mean, unless unless that's your jam. Unless it's your thing, but generally, I'm assuming that most people, like, I just I just feel like, you know, there are a lot of people that they're grown adults out there that don't know about wiping themselves properly. And so that's a big deal.

SPEAKER_02 41:24

Unrelated to this, uh, well, but kind of related. Um, I just fell down a Reddit rabbit hole this morning about people. Someone asked the question what is a hygiene tip that you think many people overlook? And one of the resounding answers was people not cleaning between their ass cheeks because they think it's gay.

SPEAKER_04 41:49

And I'm like, oh no.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

No, that's like yeah, you know, you know what it is though, right? It's like that homophobic thing about anything having to do with anal play, butt play, anything having to do with the butt has to do with being gay. It absolutely does not. There are straight men, straight cisgendered men who enjoy anal play from their straight cisgender female partner. Like it, it's it's like pretty like status quo, and that, but they enjoy that. It doesn't have anything to do with their sexuality at all. Like, and and that is a really good point because in our society, there is just like such this, um, such a connection between like, you know, what you enjoy sexually and what your sexuality is. And and that it's just it's not true. So it's like, if there are grown-ass men out there not wiping their asses because it makes you gay. No, it doesn't make you gay. It makes you nasty.

SPEAKER_03 42:55

Even if that's not your thing, I still need you guys to wipe your face. What? Yeah, yeah. Like wipe your ass.

SPEAKER_01 43:03

Why you are not you would not be gay, but you will be nasty as fuck, okay?

SPEAKER_03 43:09

There's over and God knows what. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

Like, at all. Like, and you know, the thing is that if you're not like taking care of that, like that's something we can smell. That is not sexy at all. That is that is not sexy at all. Like, you need to walk you gotta wash your ass. Everybody should be washing their ass. If you're a hairy ass man, you better be doing double duty. Like, don't let that crust get stuck up. Like, don't like all that, don't don't do it, you know. Um nobody wants a poop tangle. Nobody wants that. I think hygiene, and you know, for health reasons, you know, like for health reasons. So it's like if you're engaging in, you know, anal sex or you know, mouth to mouth to anal. Um You know, and you're not there's no cleanliness, you know, that bacteria can make you sick, you know. If you just have like nastiness on you, that also affects your health as well. I could go on and on, but I just like you know, people need to like be alright with their bodies, okay? Like, I don't care what you need to do, get a therapist, go talk to your minister, your pastor, whatever you need to do. I don't care. Um, but it is so important to have good hygiene, not just for backdoor play, but front door play. Like, you know, you wouldn't go in, like, don't don't bring your your you know a dirty penis into vaginal sex, like and upset this woman's pH.

SPEAKER_02 44:47

Oh, here's another here's another thing that I think is very important that I don't think a lot of people who are unexperienced realize, and that is do not go from the back door to the front door without cleaning yourself. Do not go from the door.

SPEAKER_01 44:59

Please do not do that. Don't do that. And why? Because of you know, fecal bacteria. And and it's gonna, it's gonna be there. It's gonna be there. And I think that that's something that um I mean, like when we talk about sex as a whole, there's I mean, sex is messy. Sex is not like this really like clean, neat, like there's a lot of exchange of fluids. Like, I don't want anybody to spit on me, right? Well, I I don't enjoy that anyway. Like, I'm not trying to yuck anybody's young. Like, I'm just talking about like in general preferences, you know. I don't really want like somebody like like, hey, what's going on? But you know, I don't want like, you know, but like you kiss somebody and you kiss them deeply, you know. Are you sharing saliva? Yeah, you are doing that, you know. So um, so yeah, I think that people, I mean, I don't know. We lived in live in such a stigmatized puritanical society, though, which is like why we're having this so much is controlled by shame in the world that we live in right now, and it's very sad. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I've gotten a lot over the years, I've gotten like, you know, so many emails and DMs and things like that, you know, like, hey Raven, I'm into XYZ. Like, what do you think? I'm like, you know, as long as it's pleasurable for you and your partner, you guys are like, you know, why are you asking me what I think? What do you think about it?

SPEAKER_02 46:26

Like, I used to be a big fan, or I still am a big fan of Dan Savage, but I used to listen to him and read his stuff pretty regularly. And the thing that he always said is safe, sane, and consensual. And like that is the best advice I can give for knowing when to move forward. Do you feel safe? Does the person you're with feel sane? Is this consensual?

SPEAKER_01 46:44

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. I think that's really good practice. And, you know, also like you don't have to engage in this activity like day after day after day, night after night after night. In fact, I think like with something with anal, like I think it's probably better to like, you know, give yourself a rest in between sessions. Like that's just that's just me. Like other people might, you know, like feel differently, but um, you know, but as part of that aftercare, um, or even like, you know, vigorous, like, you know, front door play, vigorous, you know, vaginal sex, I think it's important to like, it's like when you go to the gym and you have a hard workout, you know, you gotta like rest and and everything. So um, I mean, I I I have a hard time, I have a hard time relating to the stigma, the shame because I am who I am, and you know, it's like this is endurotics and everything. Like it's not my normal. But um, it is my job to hold space and have empathy for um, I don't want to call it a hangout, but these these hesitations, you know, because they are very real. And that turns into like, well, what kind of a person am I if I'm into blah bitty blah? Like there are people who genuinely think that they have a character flaw if they engage in certain activities, which blows my mind because it doesn't change who you are. Like it doesn't change like what kind of parent you are, what kind of mother you are, what kind of professional you are. It really doesn't. But there are a lot of people who are like, well, what what kind of person am I? Like, I'm I'm a I'm I'm a good person, you know, I I go to church, I love the Lord. All of those things can be true and still enjoy anal and everything else. Um, but it really just blows my mind because I feel like for a lot of people, like, not only is there the taboo of the the physical act, but also like, you know, well, what kind of person does this make me? Am I a sexual deviant because I would ask for this or enjoy this, or I enjoy watching pornography with this activity, that sort of thing.

SPEAKER_02 48:52

Oh, that's that's another thing that just because you like watching it in porn does not necessarily mean you're gonna like having it done to you or doing it to someone else. Absolutely. You can enjoy something in porn and not have it not do it. You don't have to, you it unless you really want to experience it, you can just enjoy it in porn.

SPEAKER_01 49:09

Well, absolutely. And and I think that porn, I mean, and this is just not just for anal, but for a lot of things. Like, you know, porn sets people up for failure. And we're not, I'm not talking about like the ethical porn avenues that we all know about, and that's like a whole nother conversation. A lot of people are not familiar with ethical porn and what that's about, but we're talking about your like mainstream free porn, like a lot of the things that people are concerned about. I think it really does set people up for failure because they see, well, I mean, it's like kind of like watching the Fast and the Furious and thinking you've got a handle on driving. Yeah. Like, oh, that's how you drive, like, you know, that's how you do whatever. And it it's not an instruction, it's entertainment. And so, you know, in some porn videos, you'll see like really rough, really vigorous anal sex. It seems like no prep has happened. Like you'll see all kinds of wild things, like double penetration, toys, like all kinds of things. And for people who do not know any better, that kind of sets the standard. Like this, this, oh, this is how it works. This is what it I can just shove it in there. Yeah, yeah. And and there's no communication. It's not like you're gonna in your typical scene, you're not going to see. I mean, and and of course, in order to do the scene, there has to be a conversation to do the scene, right? So there is a conversation between actors and actresses before the camera cameras and the lights turn on. There is a conversation, there has to be, but you don't see that as part of the scene because it's like that's not part of the city. That's not sexy. That's not sexy. But it is sexy.

SPEAKER_02 50:54

Like if you if if you watch if either of you watched Heated Rivalry, the the gay hockey show. I have not seen it. One of the hottest things about that show is the communication and the way that they checked in with each other. Like, there was just so many good things to see about communication and relationships in that show. It's not, and it's it's hot. Don't get me wrong, it's hot, but it's more than just hot. Like I thought I was watching it and I was gonna be watching like this little bop of a show, but I got emotionally invested in everybody, and I was just in awe of what they did with that show. I'm gonna check it out.

SPEAKER_01 51:28

It's been on my list for a little bit. So good. I just like I can't stress enough that you know, you cannot learn about sex from pornography. And this like ties into like me being a parent as well, because like obviously, like when it comes to, you know, this it's not a singular sex talk. There are sex talks, you know, um early and often, okay, like early and often. And the fact is, is that a lot of young people they will go straight to the internet um to learn about these things. Um, and oftentimes what they're gonna find is porn. And that is like their first interaction, like with, oh, this must be what sex is. Like, you know, how does anal sex work? Maybe that's the question for Google or whatever. And there's a high probability that you're gonna get something from Pornhub. And yeah, it'll tell you, it shows you like the mechanics of how it works, like, you know, but it's for entertainment, it's not educational. And so, like, I can't stress enough, like, for people who are trying to learn whatever, like, you know, or or they're trying to like, you know, educate you know, their children about whatever, like, make sure that you have the wherewithal to get educated about it yourself first. Like, you know, you can't engage in something thoughtfully and mindfully if you don't know shit about it. Yeah, like if you're just feeling like some kind of way, like, oh, I don't want to read about it, like blah, blah, blah, blah. And there are people like that. Like, you know, like there are people out there like that, or you know, or you know, women who are like, oh, well, my husband really wants anal and I don't know anything about it. I don't know that I'm comfortable with it, but this is my husband. Like, I want to make him happy.

SPEAKER_02 53:17

I want to make him happy, like, and you know, that kind of ties into the you know, like purity culture, religious sect, and I I I really think that many men don't understand how often women do that. And that it just partly pushes into the patriarchy.

SPEAKER_01 53:41

Yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Because, you know, it's like, you know, when it comes to that sort of culture, it's like, you know, well, this is part of my duty as a wife, um, and I need to satisfy my husband sexually. And so unfortunately, anal is like, you know, that that is part of like something that women haven't engaged in without having like a frank conversation about enjoying it or not. Um so so yeah, I mean, it's like all all sex should be talked about. Um, all of it. It's equally important. Since we're focused on anal play today, like, yeah, you absolutely should be talking about that. Um it shouldn't be something that's forced upon you.

SPEAKER_02 54:31

And uh if you're curious about it, uh seriously, play play, play with yourself.

unknown 54:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:37

Play with play with your own little starfish. You'll like it if that's what you're into.

SPEAKER_01 54:42

That's also in the blog. That is also something that Amanda mentions in the blog, which I really appreciate because I think that a lot of people don't um, you know, they think about masturbation and they don't include anal stimulation as part of that. But, you know, truly understanding your own body and how it works and how it feels is beneficial in so, so many ways. So, so many ways. Like, if you know, like honestly, I forget it may have been it may it may have been Betty Dodson who whose recommendation was to take a mirror and give yourself a good what was it, Betty? Betty Dodson. I mean, I think that's so important. You need to know what all of that looks like. You need to know what your what your butthole looks like when it's healthy, because if something feels off down there and you take a mirror and look, and something doesn't look quite right, like you know, that is really important so that you can um, you know, seek medical assistance, you know. So I mean, but there are people who are like, oh man, I can I couldn't imagine like squatting over a mirror, like shit, I can't. I need to know what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 55:50

Like, yeah, one of I I I you have to have a baseline, and that's one of the ways you establish a baseline.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

Absolutely, absolutely. I mean, even if you got like, I don't know, you got a mole like right next to your exit hole. You got a mole, and that's important to know, you know, like it's important, like, because that way maybe you look back down there and that mole has grown or it looks different, you're like, nah, that ain't right. You know, that's that is important. And so, like, when it comes to anal play, anal masturbation, you know, like all of that stuff. Um, I think it's so important for people to to know that like what you enjoy physically doesn't have a damn thing to do with your sexuality, what type of person you are. Like, you can still enjoy this and go to church. You can still enjoy this and be a good per a good person, good parent, whatever. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:42

And I I I will admit this, I enjoy anal toys more than I enjoy vaginal ones because there's such a range of sensation. Like, you're not gonna get the same sensation from a butt plug as you do anal beads, because the butt plug for me is like a feel feeling of fullness, but the anal beads is the I don't know, there's something about the ins in insert and out and the taking it in and out. It's just a good, it's a it's a different sensation. And I am a sensation seeker, so I I love all of the options that are are available there.

SPEAKER_01 57:18

Absolutely, absolutely. And we didn't even touch on the prostate today. I mean, it's like that's that's how you access that is through the back. And what a lot of people don't understand is that that is very pleasurable for you know, many. I'm gonna say people who have a prostate, you know, like usually when we we talk about the prostate, we're talking about cisgendered men, but you know, for the trans community that still have they have a prostate as well. And so um I don't know, did anybody see what was it? Um was it Road Trip? And from the 90s, it was like one of those, it was one of those movies that did not age well. But anyway, like one of the guys like discovers that you know he's really into backdoor play because they're short on money, and he's like donate donating his semen at a sperm bank, and um you know, and so the nurse puts two fingers and he's like, oh my god, that was amazing, and you know, so um, so I I feel like, you know, like yeah, there's like yeah, I really like this, but I can't tell anybody, but you know, the prostate's there, it's a thing. So um I will say again, thoughts and prayers, like thoughts and prayers is designed for for the booty, and uh I'm really proud of that product. Um if anybody's looking for someplace to start, um, start there. You don't have to do that. That's a great it's a really great set, it is a really great starter set. Um it's something you can use by yourself if you want to. Absolutely, absolutely. And I mean, I think that I don't know, it's like having the the confidence to play by yourself um is helpful to play with a friend or a partner, you know. So anyway.

SPEAKER_02 59:06

Yeah, you have to know what you like before you can show somebody else how to make you feel pleasure.

SPEAKER_01 59:10

Absolutely, absolutely. Well, with that, we're almost at an hour. Jackie, do you want to wrap this up?

SPEAKER_02 59:17

So fast. It did, it really did. Amanda, do you have anything to add before we get out of here? No, you guys took it off. Then I just want to end by saying curiosity isn't wrong, it's human. The more we understand our bodies, the safer and more enjoyable our experiences can be. Whether anal play is a yes, a maybe, or a no for you, you get to choose. If you're ready to explore with more comfort, confidence, and the right tools, visit engirotics.com and find what feels good to you. And make sure you're subscribed to the YouTube channel so you don't miss next month. Which, do you know what the topic is? Because I forgot to check again.

SPEAKER_03 59:55

New sex and intimacy through the life stages.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:00

Ooh, okay. That's gonna be great. Uh thank you all for being here. And I'm gonna say goodbye now. Bye.