Lia (00:00)
I've been hearing a phrase lately that I've got to demystify on the show because when it comes to being a leader, we're getting things wrong. And that phrase is, I shouldn't have to do this. Well, if you are running a business or you're leading a team in the corporate world or any sort of configuration where you're the boss and you've hired people or you've agreed to be in that role, then yeah, you do have to do this.

You've got to have the hard conversations. You've got to give feedback. You have to have career conversations. You have to be performance managing. You have to be giving a person information on how they're doing. You actually have to do all those things. And until you hire someone to be the between you and your team, that role is on you. Now I say this because this can be really overwhelming for the business owners listening, the founders, the entrepreneurs who said, hey, I had an idea. I'm the visionary. I want to build this big thing, but I'm not a leader.

I don't know how to manage people. I don't wanna deal with the personnel stuff. I don't wanna deal with the timesheet approvals. I don't wanna deal with gusto and all these different things. Well, you've hired people and they're depending on you to do those things. And I want us to reframe this because I think when we get stuck in this, have to, I don't wanna do it. It's not fair, it's not my problem. That's when we start to build this resentment that of course we look at our team members and think each one is a liability.

But instead, what if we think about it as, get to do this. I'm in a position where I get to hire folks. I get to help them reach their career goals. I get to give them pay so they have their livelihood met, right? Like even if someone is part-time, they're working at the front desk, they don't wanna be there forever and that's not the role they're in, you're still creating opportunity for that person. So let's stop saying, I shouldn't have to do this. ⁓ It's not my problem and start leaning into it.

And when we make that shift, I'm telling you, every day gets a little bit easier because I think we've all been there on sort of like the shadow side of this, feeling like, ⁓ gosh, like I shouldn't have to have this conversation with someone. We're paying you well. Why don't they just show up for work? Why aren't they doing a better job? I shouldn't, I shouldn't, I shouldn't. When we feel that way, we've got to ask ourselves, what nerve is this hitting?

Is it making me feel uncomfortable because I don't wanna have an awkward conversation where someone gets offensive? Yeah, I'm nodding, right? Probably, that's a big part of it. We have a team member that's always arguing back or they're so difficult to talk to. For my clients that are business owners, that's usually the rub is that they have a team member and it's like...

it's pulling teeth when they talk to someone, they know that the person's not gonna be open to feedback, they know it's gonna be a whole thing. So it's like, why even bother? For the corporate manager listeners, I think one of the challenges, yeah, it's probably that, but what I remember facing when I was in the corporate world was feeling like I shouldn't have to deal with a low performance that maybe my previous manager did not deal with, or sorry, that person's previous manager didn't deal with. I shouldn't have to,

like kind of deal with these conversations around pay or promotion that maybe I'm not even in charge of or responsible for. I felt a lot of that managing someone and having very little control about over many of the levers. Like a lot of decisions were made at the macro or at the more, you know, VP level or director like whatever. And as a middle manager, I'm like, why don't come to me for this? Like, I don't know what to tell you.

So this feeling though of I shouldn't have to, it's again, the reason it's problematic is because it's not solution oriented obviously, but it makes us feel stuck and helpless. And then we're the victim and that's not a good place to be. But then our team member is getting the short end of the stick. And it can be hard to put ourselves in our team member's shoes.

especially if they're defensive and arguing with every piece of feedback or like barely doing their job right. Like that can be, how the heck am I supposed to empathize with that? I would never do that. I would ask for feedback. I would be this, I would be this. So we're not thinking about ourselves as that employee. That's not what I'm asking you to do. It's saying, let me just remove myself from this and consider what it might be like in an employee's role, okay?

That's it, it's not you and your mindset and your drive in that role. We're not talking about that because especially my business owner listeners, if the employee wanted to run a business, they would be doing that. So you guys aren't thinking the same way and that's okay. So we're thinking, gosh, what if I joined a company, sorry, I did it. As a person joined a company and they had ambitions and they had, you know, wanted to grow in their career and they were...

wanting to have a steady job or wanting to have a job that has a steady paycheck where they kind of just could just do the job and go home, whatever that motivation was. What would the things be that would create an experience that that person would want to do a good job at? This is the mindset that we can do that depersonalizes from me and the things dragging on me and making it feel like, gosh, it's, you know, I wouldn't do this and I would do that. And if it was me, we're not going there.

because that's what creates the victim spiral, right? And hey, I have felt that so fricking hard. I'm not calling you a victim. I'm saying it can create this victim mentality that makes us feel stuck and helpless where we start to resent our team members. And I think a lot of us have been there where we don't mean to resent them, but because we feel like I shouldn't have to, and this isn't fair, then we resent the situation and that person does get the short end of the stick. So take for example,

giving hard feedback, which is one of the things we a lot of us feel like we shouldn't have to deal with, right? Especially if a person was a lower performer, which is some of the situation I had inherited when I was in the corporate world. So feeling like this should have been dealt with already. This is not my freaking problem. Well, when we start with that, how are we supposed to reach that team member? How are we supposed to help them develop? When we look at them and go, I shouldn't have to deal with this. We're not going to, we get to know.

And if we have a team member that we've hired on our own and we think, I shouldn't have to have career conversations, they should just figure it out. Or I shouldn't have to give feedback, I spelled it out already, like they should know better. What is, how is that person gonna get through that if they get no guidance? If we've essentially stonewalled them, like how are we going to get through that? This is a question, it's like sort of rhetorical, it's sort of like I actually wanted to think about it.

and then maybe jot down like, yeah, okay, how are they supposed to move forward if that's where I'm coming from? This isn't to call you out, it's to be like, ⁓ yeah, to realize some of this mindset might be blocking you from actually having a path forward. Now, for business owners, founders, entrepreneurs, one actual path for you may be if you are not wanting to deal with the personnel stuff,

to hire a person that manages the personnel. That actually is that day-to-day manager. That isn't a critical role. Sometimes people put that in a COO role. Sometimes it's a chief of staff. Sometimes it's just a manager that's gonna be whatever the title is. That can be a very helpful thing if you run into a feeling of like, just can't do it. I can't do it. I don't wanna do it. I ran my own business so I don't have to do it. Good, go for it. Hire someone and then hold them accountable.

to do in all the things you didn't wanna do. The feedback, the performance conversations, the career conversations, the recognition, all the things that have to be happening that are critical things for someone to be doing to inspire good work. Now corporate listeners, have been put into a manager role, you're not about to get another manager after you because you're dealing with low performers. This is a trickier one. So this is where the mindset shift really, really matters. Where we have to, or business owners who aren't about to hire,

you know, that manager is shifting and saying, okay, I'm in this role. This is my job, owning it. This is my job for whatever the situation is. I signed up for this. I'm in this situation. I am in control of this situation. And now what I'm going to do to ensure that it goes as well as possible, as smoothly as possible, as effectively as possible, as painless as possible.

what am I going to do? Now you are at choice, you are in the driver's seat, things are not happening to you, you're not being beaten down by the situation, it's not unfair, it's not whatever we feel when we feel powerless. Now we step up, now we can actually lead. And so if we have a team member who is underperforming, instead of being in that I shouldn't have to deal with this, it's I get to have a conversation with someone to help them get better at their job.

Whoa, how different is that? Or if you have a low performer and you have to have some really hard conversations, maybe that person's not a fit, I get to find the right person for this job and how exciting is that?

Wow, again, performance conversations. of, gotta do reviews, everybody hates reviews, nobody wants to have this conversation, what are we doing here? Instead of that, I shouldn't have to do this. I get to reflect on the work my team member did, celebrate wins, talk about what we need to adjust to keep firing on all cylinders for next time, to keep performing at a high level, to get to that promotion. I get to do that. That's what I can inspire in them.

And this reframe, it sounds simple. It is going to change how your team members respond to you because when they see you coming in at it with it like, I have to do this, they feel that energy and they come in from that depleted stance. When you're like, hey, I'm so excited to be having this performance conversation because as I was thinking back across the last six months, you had some really awesome wins. Let's talk about that. And as I look ahead to where I think your role could go,

Wow, there are some big things that with a couple little tweaks, we're gonna nail those. What if someone said that to you? Would you be motivated? What if that said that to anybody, right? We're not gonna totally personalize. If someone said that to someone, you or someone else, wouldn't that feel pretty motivating? Yeah, I think so, objectively, right? So we don't wanna get stuck in the why me, I shouldn't have to place. I would say mostly,

because of this weird friction it creates with your team. And then secondarily, I guess 50, 50, right? It doesn't allow you to approach the situation from this position of being in control and in a space where you can actually think productively. Why should I is not a vibe for a leader to be having, right? It's disempowering. That's not the way we would be thinking about it.

And if you really are feeling like, gosh, I'm not equipped for this, this is not for me, whether you are running your own business or we're putting to a manager role and it's just like not resonating, then that's a conversation to have about how to shift that or how to find, you know, what you need, who you need to hire, how you need to adjust your role so that somebody is leading those people. Because I know this is a show for leaders, that is who is listening here. And part of that,

is understanding what a team needs to feel and skit from their leader in order to do their best work. We've got to be understanding the motivations of our team members. We've got to be thinking about them because it's not just about us and like someone just goes and fixes the team in the background and everything gets better. Our teams are responding to how we are interacting with them. This is how there's stories of complete turnarounds and you know,

heroic efforts in sports teams that were like zero and eight and then they turned around the season because the coach believed in them. Like we know these things are possible when people have the right leadership and they're shown that like, believe in you, we can do this. I'm here to support you. So we wanna be modeling these behaviors that are proven to reach folks. So again, I'll end with this isn't about necessarily what you would need in that situation.

It's about taking a step back, reminding yourself, yeah, I did sign up for this, even if it sucks. I'm here, okay? And until I change that situation by moving out of that role or hiring a manager to do this for me, I'm in it and I'm gonna be in it. I'm gonna be good at it. I'm gonna listen to this freaking show and get all the tips about how to do this. And if I need help with my team, I wanna reach out to Leah, we're gonna get under there and roll up our sleeves, but I'm not gonna opt out. I'm not gonna say I shouldn't have to do this and then like let my team flounder.

Because come on, it gets worse. Of course it gets worse. Of course your teams are not going to perform at their best if they have no leader at the helm. So get in there with your team, be there, reframe it. It's not I shouldn't have to, it's I am here and I get to. Okay? And that is going to change the game of your team. And if you need a little nudge on how to do that, like I said, reach out, hello at leaguerver.com and we can help figure this out exactly the way your team needs to hear it. All right? See you next time.