Leigh's Leadership Lessons: How To Do Endings Well

Most of us are wired to celebrate beginnings — a new job, a fresh relationship, the launch of a project. But what about endings? In this week’s episode of The Space In Between, I reflect on a rarely discussed yet vital topic: how to honor and 'do' endings well. Drawing from personal stories, social psychology research, and years of leadership experience, I explore why marking endings with intention helps us grow, find clarity, and step into what’s next with greater agency. Endings are not just about loss — they are also about transition, meaning, and the possibility of renewal. Learning to close chapters consciously is one of the most powerful things we can do to strengthening connection amidst fragmented times.

Transcript

Today I want to talk about something that doesn't get nearly enough. Airtime endings. Now I know most of us love a good beginning. Here in the US especially, we're often culturally wired to celebrate. Starts the start of a new job, a new relationship, a new season, even new ideas.

But what about the endings, the goodbyes, the farewells, the shifts, the letting go, especially of something we didn't want to end . If we skip over them too quickly or avoid them altogether, we could miss out of something essential, both as human beings and in our leadership roles. The capacity to transition from a chapter closing to a new beginning with more clarity and agency.

So today's episode is called How to Do Endings Well [00:01:00] because as it turns out, and as I've learned myself over the years, endings are not just the close of something. They can be powerful portals for growth, renewal, and insight. But here's the thing, we can't fully realize growth.

Renewal and insight. Unless we make time to acknowledge endings, nor can we step into new beginnings if we are dragging unreconciled experiences behind us. In today's often polarized, fragmented, and uncertain times, growth, renewal and insight are the very qualities that will help all of us be our best selves.

Build high performing organizations, support our communities and stay true to our values. So let's start with the basics. When I refer to endings, I mean a moment or a time where something such as a [00:02:00] phase, a relationship, a project, , or even our attachment to an identity comes to a close. When it comes to a close, it creates space for reflection and transition into something New.

Endings can be formal or informal chosen or imposed. They can be sudden or gradual. What makes something an ending is the conscious or unconscious shift from continuation of something. to The actual closure of that something, it often involves a mix of emotional, psychological, and logistical adjustments as well.

Some endings can be really hard. We all have our list of those hard endings and some really aren't that hard. But even when they're not hard, it's fair to say that they can often evoke emotions. And endings can also bring uncertainty. [00:03:00] Endings can stir grief, nostalgia, sometimes guilt, maybe a little relief, all of which are emotionally complex feelings.

And let's face it, these are nutty times, , and sometimes it just isn't fun or practical to stop and let ourselves feel these ending feelings. There's just a lot going on.

This isn't just intuitive, it's been studied a lot actually. And in a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers found that people do in fact tend to avoid what they call closure rituals. , But here's the thing, when we avoid endings, we short circuit what is called an integration process, which are basically the moments when we actually learn something from what we just lived through.

And in leadership in life, this avoidance shows up all the time. [00:04:00] We move from one project to the next without pause. We reorganize our teams without acknowledging. What was lost or what we're moving from, we let people go and rush to fill those roles without first asking, does anyone have a question or does anyone wanna talk about that change?

It's understandable. We live in a fast moving world, but it comes at a cost when we don't. Make time to pause. There's a quote from Author William Bridges that caught my eye. Change is situational, but transition is psychological, so you can change a structure overnight, but if you don't help people mark what's ended, it increases the likelihood.

Of confusion and fragmentation and uncertainty about what comes next. And the best leaders know that confusion and uncertainty [00:05:00] are not friends of high performing organizations and they undermine an individual and collective sense of agency.

So here's the good news. We can get better at endings and in doing so, be more capable and empowered to navigate this meta uncertain time. And as leaders, we can do simple things to help our teams remain productive and innovative. That same study I mentioned earlier also found that people who do take time to mark endings report higher emotional resilience and a stronger sense of personal meaning.

So that's important. And another guy named Roy Bow Meister, , studied this. And he found that when people consciously close a chapter, they experience more mental clarity, less regret, and a stronger sense again, of agency about the future.

Let's focus on the notion of closure [00:06:00] rituals. Those are moments that we intentionally make to help us process our emotion, extract meaning, and orient ourselves for what's next. So here's a few examples of. closure rituals. When a job ends, don't just box up your desk and head out the door.

Write a note for yourself. What did you learn? Who did you become during this last chapter? , Or what if a relationship ends or it fades. It's important not to rush to erase. As if it wasn't there, or jump onto the next relationship.

Sit for a spell. Bless what was, grieve, what didn't happen, and thank what grew in you during that relationship.

In our busy lives, none of these rituals need to take a lot of time. They really just need intention.

So let me share a personal story of a ritual that I've developed. That has [00:07:00] been personally meaningful to me, and it didn't take a lot of time, and so this is a ritual that I've developed when I move homes, and I've moved homes probably eight times, maybe nine since I graduated from college, and many different circumstances for the moves.

Some were a move to a new house down the street and a few moves took me thousands of miles to a new city. And I really care about my home. I'm a nester at heart. I care a lot about the vibe. I want a sanctuary feeling, a place that feels welcome to my soul, and guess who visit. So for me, homes are big deals, and when I leave, I wanna make sure that I'm able to be open to the next chapter and create a next space that, , works for me.

So here's my ritual that I've developed. After all of my stuff is out of my home . I take about 15 minutes, that's it, and I visit every room. [00:08:00] I light sage often, or maybe sometimes a candle if I have one handy. And I take a few moments to think about that space, the good times, maybe the bad or some experience that stands out.

And I give thanks. That's I just say thank you and that's it. And I move on to the next room. I basically take stock of my experience. Room by room. And then when I leave the house, I feel like I'm done. And this helps me move on and get excited , and focus on that new space.

That's my ritual. It doesn't have to be yours, but I wanted to give you an example of something that I've developed over time.

, I've also had some bad endings where threads, w Cut abruptly or I wasn't able to even catch my breath so that I didn't have 15 minutes for reflection, and likely you have bad endings as well.

The point is to remember that we can formalize [00:09:00] endings and we should, because it matters, because our brains like completeness, and completeness comes when we make time to . Acknowledge the journey we've just completed and we make room for what comes next.

All of this begs the question of why do we resist marking endings in the first place?

Well, I kind of mentioned it earlier, but it's because endings can sometimes lead to uncomfortable emotions. I mean, it's not exactly a laugh fest when a relationship ends. Or maybe you're working on an advocacy effort that you care about and it fails or it comes to an end. That's not, that's not super fun.

And sometimes grief comes up. And grief is one of those emotions that often accompany endings. It's also a precursor in a catalyst in the emotional terrain of letting go of dreams, identities of habits, . Even relationships that shaped us. In our [00:10:00] Western culture where hyper productivity is literally

currency for the next promotion. We often don't have a roadmap for pausing to let emotions surface. We're often encouraged to just move on rather than move through. But here's what I've learned. Emotions that get stirred up around endings are not the enemy of growth. They are actually our best teachers.

When we let ourselves feel it all, feel it gently, and with gratitude, we open up the space to receive the wisdom on the other side. And for leaders, that often means modeling this process with courage and compassion. Because when we do that, , it helps create a safe space for people to do endings in their own way.

. I'll close with one last reflection on why endings in these. Often polarizing times is [00:11:00] important. . It's tempting during times of fragmentation and uncertainty to cling to absolutes or rush past discomfort and honoring endings teaches us to sit in the space in between and to feel more emboldened to make choices based on an appreciation.

For the nuance of life itself. And we are less likely to project blame and more likely to build bridges with ourselves and others if we, we can create those spaces for pause. So learning to do endings well is not just a personal growth tool, it's also a civic and leadership imperative.

It's especially true in this world, which

often demands certainty, binary thinking, oversimplification, and we're blame is easy to find. This capacity for pausing and reflecting, especially around endings is vital. [00:12:00] So what are those practices that all of us can do to help us do endings well? First name what's ending, whether it's personal or organizational. Clarity matters. Don't let the ending get buried in vague language. Say it out loud. This chapter is closing, or whisper silently to yourself. Secondly, honor the impact of the ending. Make time to reflect on what was learned, what worked, what didn't.

Gratitude and grief can often live side by side. Lastly. Use ritual, however small, light a candle. Write a note to yourself. Take a walk. Have that last team meeting, or create a space just for storytelling about what's coming to an end. Three intentional minutes are just as good as going on a week long.

Vision quest, my friends. So. I'm gonna end this [00:13:00] ending, thank you for being here today. And until next time, keep listening, keep seeking and keep showing up in the space in between. Bye for now.