Leigh's Leadership Lessons: Feeling Self-Righteous, Anyone?

We live in a time when it’s easier than ever to get swept up in outrage, division, and a sense of superiority. But here’s the truth: self-righteousness narrows and isolates, while true righteousness holds potential for grounding and connection - even across dimensions of difference. On this episode of The Space In Between, I explore the crucial difference between these two ways of being, why it matters so much right now, and how four simple practices that can help us stay in a mindset and heart-space where we can hold our convictions firmly while resisting the temptation to diminish others in the process.

Transcript

0:01

Hello and welcome to the. Space in between podcast. I'm your host Lee Morgan. Again, this podcast is for listeners who are fed up. Up with the hyperpolarized nature of the world today. And who crave. Craves spaces where current events can be discussed in construct. enlightening and delightful ways. Let's get.

Leigh Morgan 0:28

Today I wanna talk about something deeply human, something I've wrestled with myself and witnessed in people I love work with and lead. It's the difference between righteousness and self-righteousness and just as importantly, how to recognize one from the other. Now you might wonder why does this matter? I believe in today's world, whether it's at work in politics or in our relationships, it's normal to find ourselves reacting strongly to what we see and hear. That's the human experience, right? We can feel frustrated by the blame and shame tone in the news or social media. Offended by a leader who might seem a clueless when we're at work or we feel disappointed by friends or partners. And we all have stories to tell like that if we're honest. But the thing is, and this is really, really important, we live in what often feels like an increasingly polarized, an uncertain time. Staying grounded at this time in history? Well, it can be hard to do so there is sadly higher levels of distrust than ever before. Higher rates of anxiety, higher rates of mental illness, et cetera. And an increasing fear as we bear witness to an erosion of basic democratic norms here in the United States. So in these uneasy times, staying true to our values and beliefs that underpin our sense of righteousness is actually really important. What gets tricky is when our sense of righteousness turns into self-righteousness. Self-righteousness is a constricted, limiting and low agency place to be, both mentally and spiritually. Let's dive deeper. What exactly is righteousness and how does it differ from self-righteousness? The concepts can get confused because they look similar on the surface, and sometimes we tell ourselves that they are similar, but their essence could not be more different. Righteousness in its best expression encompasses a number of different elements. So first, it's about being motivated to act from a place of ethical or moral convictions. And those convictions at their best include justice, compassion, kindness, or empathy could also be a sense of protection for things that we hold dear. Secondly, righteousness is about striving to stay aligned to those convictions or to our standards. It's about living in harmony with spiritual, philosophical, or universal truths that we hold dear. So it's the motivation to stay aligned and third Righteousness at its best calls us to maintain integrity between our beliefs and our actions. So walking the talk with consistency and authenticity, rather falling into hypocrisy or moral compromise. So it's the motivation to stay aligned, maintaining that integrity, that alignment, and it's acting from that place of moral or ethical convictions. Living our lives out of righteousness helps us know our North Star. Now. Throughout history, the values and beliefs that fuel righteousness have birthed some of the most powerful and important social and political movements. The Fight for Civil Rights, women's suffrage, L-G-B-T-Q, marriage Equality, indigenous Rights, and Sovereignty. So what about self-righteousness? I sometimes call it the mischievous and sometimes bullying. Younger cousin of righteousness at their core. Both are concerned with questions of right or wrong. So that's a floor that we just start with. Both involve strong convictions about morality and ethics, but here's a crucial difference. Self righteousness is fueled by hubris, pride, and a sense of superiority. True righteousness is rooted in humility. People who walk from a place of righteousness have a greater capacity to listen, remain open to perspectives beyond their own, and actively look for common ground self-righteousness. On the other hand, well, it narrows the field. Self-righteousness fuels a binary and often inaccurate belief that my way is the only way. Self-righteousness elevates itself by looking down on others, and when we operate from that limited mindset, common ground becomes nearly impossible to find. When we're in that place, we tend to be more constricted, we feel more anxious. Stress hormones are more likely to surge through our bodies. Listening with an open heart and mind becomes difficult, and yes, sometimes also impossible. And here's the uncomfortable truth, my friends, and I'm coming out by saying this, all of us fall into the self-righteousness trap at times. I certainly do. And here's my real time story about this, which prompted me to do this episode in recent weeks. I've been really concerned about policies and actions from the current administration. Now, I have carried a long list of frustrations since 2016 and more have accumulated since the new administration took office in January. So in a way, there's nothing really new here, but what's new for me is I've been feeling more of a sense of. Frustration, fear and indignation. And what I've noticed, is also a sense of, moral superiority, let's put it that way. And I most often keep that in check. Maybe it's because of the intensity of. Some of the democratic norms that I think are being really blown out of the water. I don't know what it is, but for the last few weeks I've been feeling superior to those who are enacting or supporting the administration's policies, especially around immigration and use of the, department of Justice. And so. I'm wrestling with this I don't wanna let go of my convictions or my sense of right or wrong, but I also know this, my effectiveness as a leader and as an advocate for creating generative spaces where quality and prosperity flourishes depends on me, regrounding over and over again in that sense of righteousness rather than a self-righteous. Belief that quote, those people are bad and I am not. So I've also noticed in the moments when I'm in that place, which is constricted, I can lose track of the values that I hold dear. But I also know this, my effectiveness as a leader and as an advocate for creating generative spaces where equality and prosperity and human rights flourishes. Depends on me being as grounded as possible during these fragmented and polarized times. It's important for me to notice that I need to get re-grounded and stay in that sense of righteousness and move myself out of the place of self-righteousness where I have things going through my mind, such as those people are evil people and that's actually not helpful. I also notice moments when I drift into that either or place that I lose track of my more grounded sense of righteousness and I can feel more stressed out. My body tenses and I can offer myself and others much less grace. I also limit my ability to empathize, to truly listen and to see people with different views as fully human, even when it seems to me that they're not acting out of a place of humanness and human kindness. And you know what? Seeing ourselves and seeing each other as fully human, well, that's the foundation. For forgiving ourselves. It's also the only way forward if we wanna bridge divides without losing ourselves in the process. So one practice that's helped me immensely to ground and reground when I notice myself, more readily able to drift into self-righteousness. Well, what practice is connecting with others? Doing so in community settings, I'm deeply grateful for groups like the International Women's Forum where I'm a member and we actually had a great program a few weeks ago where about 40 of us gathered and we had really deep and meaningful dialogue reflecting on how to stay rooted when we. Have strong views, but we know we also wanna bridge divides. And a lot of the feelings I was having were mirrored at this gathering. We reminded each other that staying grounded doesn't mean. We have to give up our own views and it doesn't mean we have to shut others out. And so from that conversation and experiences I've had over the years, I will add a few other practices and if they are helpful to you to ground and reground in righteousness and the beliefs and values and convictions that fuel righteousness. Well, if they're helpful, then I'm grateful for that. For regular listeners, these will sound familiar'cause I've talked about them a good bit. And so my guess the first practice is know your boiling points. When you feel charged up and ready to just jump on someone or dissect someone's views or behaviors. You know, you are near your boiling point or at it. the self-awareness of being at or near your boiling point gives a precious. Gift and it's the gift of choice and agency whether to act from that place or to pause. Try to reground or redirect your energies and you can choose to react or go sit under a booted tree. The key principle here is the agency and self-awareness of your bowling points. Secondly, seek other seekers. Spend time with people who are also seeking wisdom, growth and deeper connection to self and others. It's very healing when we're able to be in those settings. And you can do that also with people who don't share your particular views about policy or what have you. The key is finding people who, from their. Heart or their mind are equally curious. So create those communities by seeking other seekers. The third practice is watch your language. Avoid all or nothing. Statements. Avoid using all or nothing words. They are always bad. This situation is only one way. Sometimes that can be accurate. Most often there is some nuance, so try to use words. That introduce and create spaciousness for nuance because when we do that, we can expand our imagination. Not limited, which is what all or nothing statements or words do. Fourth practice. This is a real big one and it's easy. Tell stories. Tell stories. Stories are bridges that connect us. My friend Meme Fox, reminds me and so many others that when people share authentic stories, when we do that with one another, defenses drop. Stress hormones are lowered in our bodies and it becomes much harder to feel superior to one another. Telling stories helps us see each other as human, and we don't have to give away our convictions. We can see each other as humans and still have strong views. So those are my reflections for today. I hope they're useful to you. Thinking about righteousness and self-righteousness and how to ground and reground with those four practices. Let's claim our values and do so with a sense of what is and isn't important to us around moral or ethical behavior. That's what we should be doing every day. Let's hold our convictions firmly, but let's do so in ways that keep us grounded without diminishing others in the process. Stay in righteousness as much as possible. if you're listening to this podcast, chances are you wanna live this way as much as possible. So thanks for joining me in that journey. Thank you for being here today, and until next time, keep listening, keep seeking and keep showing up in the space in between. Bye for now.

14:33

I hope you. Enjoyed this episode of the space in between podcast. If. If you did, please hit the like button and leave a review. Wherever you listen to the show. And check out the space. Space in between.com website, where you can also leave me a message.